"Please let this be a normal field trip." "With the Friz? No way!"

In today's class, we went on a very... memorable... field trip. I hated it so much because it makes me shit, piss AND cum even THINKING about it. The drive was a short one. Our bus met up with another magic school bus. I thought it would be an ordinary field trip for once because nothing super weird had happened yet. I was VERY wrong. Mrs. Frizzle had a HUGE fucking grin on her face as she and the rest of the class stepped out of the bus.

Suddenly, our busses exhaust pipe magically transformed into a 🅱IG 🅱ussy, and the other bus grew a MONSTER fucking cock. It was so fucking big that it was leaking brake fluid. It stuck its HUGE cock into our busses tiny little exhaust pipe, thrusting in and out. Both busses started honking their horns so loud that I almost went fucking DEAF. Now the whole neighbourhood knew what was going on. It was so hot watching that I pulled out my cock and pissed and cummed on the ground right where I stood. 5 minutes later, the male bus blew a huge fucking load of gasoline into our bus.

When the field trip was over, I was really sad. But any small memory of it, and I instantly cum my pants.

Ngl i cant believe daniel as old and mature as he is and how much experience he has in this hobby allowed that tiny of a joke to escalate like that, David made a little comment that I think is incredibly common for people around his age to make, and is also pretty much universally known as a joke. I dont have the experience of being competitive and world-class at an event between friends, but I dont think that justifies daniel taking personal and grave offence to an absolutely, and totally meaningless comme.t
after daniel reacted like that, sure i believe david should just say "sorry bro" and move on
in my opinion, David was not at all in the wrong in making his dumb joke, and daniel was wrong in his unjustified reaction, but the whole thread after that was so unnecessary
both of yous fault
Honestly i dont understand how that big of a thread can arise from "im better sunglasses" between two experienced people in this hobby

So allow me to chronicle the events of the shop.
My mum asks me to get some milk and oyster sauce for tonights dinner, and I'm like "Sure bro I got you" (Citation Needed). So I wander into the local co-op, and I see the guy. It's just the back of his head, but I recognise that psuedo-emo haircut anywhere (he's working in the co-op).
So naturally I do a 180 and march out vowing to never go there again. I go the local tesco express, grab the milk, look at the sauces and there is no oyster sauce. So I'm thinking "man, I really don't wanna interact with former secondary school people, but my mum really needs that oyster sauce".
So I devise a plan. I put my mask on and I flip my jacket hood up (because covid and it's cold out, I have a social excuse now), and I waltz back into the co-op. My head is down, I don't look at anyone. I zoom to the international section, grab the oyster sauce packet, zip to the checkout, wait for the card payment to go through. I can hear him speak to his co-worker, a single bead of fear-induced sweat drops down my brow (Citation Needed).
The payment goes through, I grab the packet and powerwalk out without even getting the receipt. I take a breath of fresh air, knowing now what it must feel like to evade a laser grid.
That, gamers, is what we call 'European Extreme'.

I just can’t deal with it, it’s worse than the scratching. He dresses up in these feminine clothes and I can’t help but think how stupid it is to the point to where I almost forget about the scratching oh god the scratches. I can’t believe he thinks it’s a good idea to wear these costumes around his family and the scratches. The scratching. It’s almost like he’s not even thinking about the scratches. The scratches the scratching it won’t stop it won’t stop. The scratches don’t even distract him from the gay the clothes the scratching. The scratching oh god it won’t stop. I hear them every waking moment of my life they’re everywhere nobody believes me. The scratching won’t stop scratching scratching the scratches they’re everywhere they’re in my head at my door 3:47am March 18th 2031. The scratching won’t stop there’s constant scratching it’s in my ears it’s in my head I have to get them out they’re in my head they’re in my head please god help me it won’t stop the scratches the scratches they follow me everywhere please please. Hopefully you guys feel the same way, I feel like he just needs taught a lesson about how it’s not ok to do this in front of his family.

Fuck you.

You useless piece of shit. You absolute waste of space and air. You uneducated, ignorant, idiotic dumb swine, you’re an absolute embarrassment to humanity and all life as a whole. The magnitude of your failure just now is so indescribably massive that one hundred years into the future your name will be used as moniker of evil for heretics. Even if all of humanity put together their collective intelligence there is no conceivable way they could have thought up a way to fuck up on the unimaginable scale you just did. When Jesus died for our sins, he must not have seen the sacrilegious act we just witnessed you performing, because if he did he would have forsaken humanity long ago so that your birth may have never become reality. After you die, your skeleton will be displayed in a museum after being scientifically researched so that all future generations may learn not to generate your bone structure, because every tiny detail anyone may have in common with you degrades them to a useless piece of trash and a burden to society. No wonder your father questioned whether or not your were truly his son, for you'd have to not be a waste of carbon matter for anyone to love you like a family member. Your birth made it so that mankind is worse of in every way you can possibly imagine, and you have made it so that society can never really recover into a state of organization. Everything has forever fallen into a bewildering chaos, through which unrecognizable core, you can only find misfortune. I would say the apocalypse is upon us but this is merely the closest word humans have for the sheer scale of horror that is now reality. You have forever condemned everyone you love and know into an eternal state of suffering, worse than any human concept of hell. You are such an unholy being, that if you step within a one hundred foot radius of a holy place or a place that has ever been deemed important by anyone, your distorted sac religious soul will ruin whatever meaning it ever had beyond repair. You are an idiotic, shiteating, dumbass ape and no one has ever loved you. Rhodes Island would have been better off if you'd never joined us. You are a lying, backstabbing, cowardly useless piece of shit and I hate you with every single part of my being. Even this worlds finest writers and poets from throughout the ages could never hope to accurately describe the scale on which you just fucked up, and how incredibly idiotic you are. Anyone that believes in any religion out there should now realize that they have been wrong this entire time, for if divine beings were real, they would never have allowed a being such as you to stain the earth and this universe. In the future there will be horror stories made about you, with the scariest part of them being that the reader has to realize that such an indescribable monster actually exists, and that the horrific events from the movie have actually taken place in the same world that they live in right now. You are the absolute embodiment of everything that has ever been wrong on this earth, yet you manage to make it so that that is only a small part of the evil that is your being. Never in the history of mankind has there been anyone that could have predicted such an eldrich abomination, but here you are. It’s hard to believe that I am seeing such an incredible failure with my own eyes, but here I am, so unfortunately I cannot deny your existence. Even if I did my very best, my vocabulary is not able to describe the sheer magnitude of the idiotic mistake that is you. Even if time travel some day will be invented, there still would not be a single soul willing to go back in time to before this moment to fix history, because having to witness such incredible horrors if they failed would have to many mental and physical drawbacks that not even the bravest soul in history would be willing to risk it. I cannot imagine the pure dread your mother must have felt when she had to carry a baby for nine months and then giving birth to such a wretched monster as you. Not a single word of the incoherent, illogical rambling you may be wanting to do to defend yourself or apologize would ever be able to make up for what you just did. The countries of the world would have wanted to make laws preventing such a terrible event like this from ever happening again, but sadly this is not possible since your horrific actions just now have shattered every form of order this world once had, making concepts such as laws irrelevant. Right from the moment I first set my eyes on you I knew you were an absolute abomination of everything that is wrong with humanity. I was hoping I would have been able to prevent your evil from being released upon this world by tagging along and keeping my eye on you, but it is clear to me now that not even the greatest efforts would have been able to prevent a terrible event in this scale from occurring. You are the worst human being, or even just being in general, that I have ever had the misfortune of witnessing. Events like the infected plague apparently only happened with the goal of teaching humanity to survive such a horrible event as the one you just created, but not even mankind’s greatest trials were able to even slightly prepare anyone for the insufferable evil you have just created. If you ever had them, your children would be preemptively killed to protect this universe from the possibility of anyone in your bloodline being even half as bad as you are, except you will never be able to have children, because not a single human being will ever want to come within a hundred mile radius of you and anything you have ever touched. You are a colossal disappointment not only to your parents, but to your ancestors and entire bloodline. The disgusting mistake that you have just made is so incredibly terrible that everyone who would ever be to hear about it would spontaneously feel an indescribable mixture of immense anger, fear and anxiety that emotionally and physically they would never truly be the same ever again. The sheer scale of your mistake, if ever to be materialized, would not only surpass the size of the world, but it would reach far beyond the edges of the known, and almost certainly the unknown universe. I could sit here and write paragraphs, nay, books describing your immense failure, yet even if I were to dedicate my life to describing the reality of what has just gone down here, and I would spend every moment of it until my heart stops beating working as hard and efficiently as possible, yet there is not even a snowballs chance in hell that I would be able to come close to transcribing the absolute shitshow you have just released upon the world. You are an irresponsible, idiotic, disgusting, unloved, horrible excuse for a living being who’s soul contains less humanity than every ginger in history combined. The absolute disgust I feel when thinking about anything that has even a slight resemblance to anything that might have to do with you and your unholy actions is so incredibly great that when I am honest about it I think that even I do not posses a consciousness great enough to comprehend my own feelings about it. When people of Columbia fought to break free from Lungmen, countless soldiers fought and lost their lives in favor of a chance at a better future for their children, they did not give their lives to have you fuck the world up beyond repair to the degree that you are doing right now. Honestly, even when technology advances and studies on the subject become more and more accurate, I do not think humanity will ever truly be able to understand what your failure actually means for the universe. My hate for you and everything you stand for is so much deeper than the depths of Shambala that you could probably take the entire Lungmen population down there and back up around twenty million times before you would have sunk to the end of my hate, and honestly, I do not want to exaggerate, but I think that that insult was low balling it such a massive amount that all mountains in this world combined would not be able to stack up to this imprecise judgement in light of the fact that when being honest, my hate is almost certainly bottomless. There is no one in this world that has ever loved you, and especially after what you just did, no one will ever love you in the future either. There is no hope that your idiotic behavior and especially your crooked soul will ever change for the better, and in fact quite the opposite might be true. By making the mistake that you just did, you have shown me that you are so incredibly hopeless that you will only devolve into a more idiotic and wretched creature than you already are. The only possible way in which your future would be brighter than the black hole your existence currently is would exclusively be because there is absolutely no conceivable way that you would even be able to sink lower than the pathetic place your current failure has put you in.

It missed me completely and we had tissues at the ready, but he was mortified and honestly I laughed so fucking hard.

I have yet to fully finish him on my own (we're both take a long fucking time to get there, usually once were close enough we finish the job ourselves u know) and I'm going to consider this some sort of accomplishment.

I love that motherfucker like you would not BELIEVE.

In CONGRESS, July 4, 2021

The unanimous Declaration of the eight united Crewmates of Among Us

When in the Course of ඞmogusa game of Among Us 🇺🇸, it becomes necessary for one crew to dissolve the sussy bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powerussys 👙👙 of the shipussy, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of gamers requires that they should mald about the causes which impel them to the ejection of the sus.

We hold these truths to be the opposite of sus, that all Crewmates are created equal, that they are endowed by Innersloth with certain unalienable Conditions, that Amongඞ Us are Impostors, Crewmates and the completion of Tasks.” — That to secure the victory of the Crewmates, Emergency Meetings are instituted Among Us, deriving their just powers from the consent of the Crewmates, —That whenever any Form of Sussiness 💅💅💅 becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the Crewmates to eject it, and to institute new Emergency Meetings, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Survival. Logical deduction, indeed, will dictate that Impostors should not be ඞAmong Us for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that Crewmates are more disposed to suffer, while ejections are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of failed tasks, pursuing invariably the same Impostor Win evinces a design to kill 🔫😐👾 all the Crewmates, it is their right, it is their duty, to eject the impostors and to provide new Guards ✨ for their future security.

Such has been the patient sufferance of these Crewmates; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to hold an Emergency Meeting. The history of the present 🌚 Accused 😱 Crewmate is a history of repeated failed tasks, all having in direct object the establishment of ✨🌸 death!!! violence!!!! piles of bodies!!! <333333 :DDDDDDDD 🌸✨. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to 🔛🔛 Discord Voice Chat.

He has refused his card swipe, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

He has forbidden his 🤪😂🤣📮🚘 Crewmates to clean the O2 filter, because he said “i am trash like these leaves are i kin them you cant take them away”, and has utterly neglected to attend to them.

He has called together Emergency Meetings at times unusual, uncomfortable and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance 🍆🍑🍑🍑💦💦 >.<what 😳 are 👀 you doing stepbro 👅 HELLO?? with his measures 😈.

He has remained stationary at the asteroids station for two (2) minutes, yet the gun 🍆 on the outer part of the ship has not fired 😳 💦💦 a single time.

He 🧠 has refused to Empty Chute, preferring to let the spaceship rot in FILTH and COCKROACHES, to reflect his current standard of living (SOL - From Investopedia: Standard of living refers to the quantity and quality of material goods and services available to a given population.) in the real world. Because hes a neet like you (the reader) are

He has kept Among Us, in times of peace, Assorted Weaponry without the Consent of his Crewmates.

For quartering large bodies of Crewmates Among Us:

For 😍🍆 ejecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Crewmates of this spaceship:

For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Crewmate.

He is at this time murdering Blue 🚹 Crewmate (may he rest in peace inshallah 🙏🙏🙏 grapeee 🍇🍇🍇🍇🍇🍇🍇) , as observed by Green Crewmate, to compleat the works of death, desolation and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized spaceship.

He has constrained our fellow Crewmates to bear Arms against one another, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by venting ( announcement: please put vents in #vent idc about your emotional crises)⌨️ while the CCTV 📸 was on.

In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Emergency Meetings have been answered only by repeated injury. A Crewmate, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define an Impostor, is unfit to be a member of a Spaceship of Crewmates.

❌❌❌ Nor have We been wanting in attentions to our Crewmate brethren. We have warned them from time to time of attempts by their Crewmate lookalikes to stab the shit out of us. We have reminded them of the circumstances of our emigration and settlement here. We have appealed to their native justice and magnanimity, and we have conjured them by the ties of our common kindred to disavow these usurpations, which, would inevitably interrupt our connections and correspondence. They too have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity.

We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, which denounces our Separation via Ejection 🤰🤰, and hold them, as we hold the rest of Crewmatekind, Sussies in War, in Peace Friends.

"We, therefore, the Representatives of the Spaceship, in Emergency Meetings, Assembled, appealing to the Electorate for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of this Spaceship 🚀, solemnly publish and declare, That these Crewmates are, and of Right ought to let this Impostor Boil In Space; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the Impostor, and that all sus 🦶🏼📸 connection between them and this Crewmate, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Ejected Crewmates, they have no Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent Crewmates may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Innersloth, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our Sacred Honour."
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Acidic Vaginal Liquid Explosion Generated By Mass Amounts Of Filthy Fecal Fisting And Sadistic Septic Syphilic Sodomy Inside The Infected Maggot Infested Womb Of A Molested Nun Dying Under The Roof Of A Burning Church While A Priest Watches And Ejaculates In Immense Perverse Pleasure Over His First Fresh Fetus.

Shut the fuck up you maggot. You clearly don't understand what makes a great video game. Elden Ring is a beautifully crafted masterpiece with a rich-open, beautiful graphics, fantastical gameplay, a great narrative, great quest design and it gives a ton of freedom and an actual challenge. Meanwhile all the other games that came out this year are overrated, mediocre games with boring, generic and repetitive gameplay, boring and uninteresting narratives and keep telling you what to do every 5 seconds. You and the people that support these kinds of doghit games are everything that is wrong this the gaming industry. These companies give you garbage and you guys eat it up and ask for more. Elden Ring is literally the only game that deserves to be called a true video game. Everything else is a joke and a scam. So fuck you, fuck all the people that pay for it, and fuck these companies that keep pumping these shitty mediocre kiddy games. I hope all of you fuckers die. Elden Ring and FromSoftware deserve all the praise and much more. They are single-handedly carrying the entire gaming industry with their state of the art games.

Hi @Everyone,

New rule (and I can't believe I have to say this) please don't give birth in the voice channel. It makes people very uncomfortable.

mY P4renT5 aR3 b0Th d34D!!1! 📷📷📷 mY d4D wAs 4bUS1vE 📷 AnD mY M0m Wa5 N3gLeKtFul tO mE!!!!11! 📷 Th1S s0 Of3nS1vE!!!11!!1! 📷📷 tHeY n3vR rE5p3cTeD mY pR0n0Un5 📷📷📷 4Nd G3nDeR 📷📷 aND 4bUs3D 📷 mE bECuZ 0F ITTT 📷📷📷 SO I STABBY STABBY THEM 📷📷📷 1 h4v3 4ut15m 4dhd pt5d bpd 0cd d1d 1t'5 n0t my f4ult ,,, iF y0u bL4Me m3 yOuR 4bl3i5T!1!!!11!!1!! 📷📷 mY aLTeR D1d ITTT 📷📷📷 poops pants 1M 4 L1TTL3 1T5 OK4Y 1F I D0 1T 📷 D0nT SH4m3 M3!1!! 📷📷c15wH1t3 sCuMmM!mmMm!!!1!! 📷📷📷📷📷📷📷📷📷📷📷📷

The fog is coming. 4:23 PM, June 26, 2022. Origin point: 26.395348193316° N, -144.778567450876°W. Expansion rate: 5·3x10\^8 meter (5c)

I have noticed that, although this subreddit has 967k cummy abusers, I am not receiving 967k upvotes on my posts. I'm not sure if this is being done intentionally or if these "friends" are forgetting to click 'upvote'. Either way, I've had enough. I have compiled a spreadsheet of individuals who have "forgotten" to upvote my most recent posts. After 2 consecutive strikes, your name is automatically highlighted (shown in red) and I am immediately notified. 3 consecutive strikes and you can expect an in-person "consultation". Think about your actions.

Why is the picture of your crotch in your profile? Is it because of your vagina? You think vaginas are a "hot" stereotype? You think guys like vaginas? Does it feel good to add to a stereotype that applies pressure to those who cant suffice it? I do NOT see how vaginas which provide a passageway for childbirth are attractive. Is anatomy funny to you? Is this some kind of sick joke? Not funny. You should take it down, it's discomforting. And weird. And disrespectful.

Leave it down in the comments. I'll add it.

mfs dare to say that🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬 he is my boy, my sex slave💚💚💚 we are together forever🥰🥰😜😜 who dares to separate us is nazi😂😂😂😡😡🤡 #teamassemble #asshole #truelove #actuallyihavenoideaonhowtonameahashtag

Do you think everyone is a little racist?

I don't. Some people are big racists.

Johnny Wilkie cwalwd In Movees And Abie Wabie was watching the Movie Woovie And john Booths pulled A SussywussyCrewmateImpostersex on the Back of the pwesidents hewd ad jonnie da man yeeted himeslf Over the Rail(ed ur mom last night)ing and brokeded his weg and Mary Todd Lincoln was sent to a mental asylum, released a while later and then died in illinois in 1882

Boy/F-4 Phantom/Mig-15/Bell UH-1 Huey/M-16A1/Ak-47/Gay/Homosexual/Male/M/Quintesexual/Wantrsexual/Halloversexual/Callersexual/IPhone 12 Slim/64K UHD surround sound 16 Gigs ram, HDR GEFORCE RTX/Triple A duracell battery ultrapower100 Cargador Compatible iPhone 1A 5 W 1400 + Cable 100% 1 Metro Blanco Compatible iPhone 5 5 C 5S 6 SE 6S 7 8 X XR XS XS MAX GoPro hero 1 2 terrabyte xbox series x Dell UltraSharp 49 Curved Monitor - U4919DW Sony HDC-3300R 2/3" CCD HD Super Motion Color Camera, 1080p Resolution Toshiba EM131A5C-SS Microwave Oven with Smart Sensor, Easy Clean Interior, ECO Mode and Sound On/Off, 1.2 Cu. ft, Stainless Steel HP LaserJet Pro M404n Monochrome Laser Printer with Built-in Ethernet (W1A52A) GE Voluson E10 Ultrasound Machine LG 23 Cu. Ft. Smart Wi-Fi Enabled InstaView Door-in-Door Counter-Depth Refrigerator with Craft Ice Maker GFW850SPNRS GE 28" Front Load Steam Washer 5.0 Cu. Ft. with SmartDispense/LGBTQ++

Please DO NOT announce to the server when you are going to masturbate. This has been a reoccurring issue, and I’m not sure why some people have such under developed social skills that they think that a server full of mostly male strangers would need to know that. No one is going to be impressed and give you a high five (especially considering where that hand has been). I don’t want to add this to the rules, since it would be embarrassing for new users to see that we have a problem with this, but it is going to be enforced as a rule from now on.

Starting about a year and a half ago I began to shake hands with the sheriff while casually surfing the web. It turned out to be a lot of fun. I started getting off to more casual instances of females like girls doing makeup tutorials on YouTube. It helped me to wean off my massive porn addiction that I had cultivated, refined, and perfected for the past 15 years but that’s a story for another time. Like I said I was making progress or so I thought. One fateful day while I was tugging away, I happened upon a Teletubby video and...I...just...lost it. I had never felt so alive in my life. My hand just goes into overdrive. I’m pounding this thing—I actually don’t know how I didn’t get irritated foreskin from the amount of friction—and I just feel my body reaching new heights of ecstasy. I’m looking Po’s thicc self and imagining her straddling my face. I mean who wouldn’t; she’s perfection. 6’5”. Brown Eyes. And a natural ass that puts all the Ms. Botoxs in the Hills to shame. So anyway I’m exhilarated. I actually can’t even remember the moment I cum but a little hit the ceiling. And from that point I was hooked. 4 sometimes 5 times a day I started jacking it to Teletubby videos. But now every time I see anything somewhat related to the Teletubbies I get uncontrollably hard. Teletubby toy? Erect. Wind Turbine? Erect. Pink Slime? I damn near pop right there and then: my biggest fantasy is Po rubbing that pink slime stuff on both of us so we can have intense, wet sex and practically revert to two retarded llamas attempting to procreate in a pile of mud. I haven’t told anyone about this fetish and hope to break it soon but I haven’t felt this alive while pleasing myself in a long time.

God, I love when the Among Us crewmate twerks their fat ass. Everytime I see that little ass jiggle, I can't help but feel a warmth run throughout my entire body. The mere sight of a crewmate shaking their plump, juicy booty... it's a beautiful thing to look at. When I stare at the 66 inch poster above my bed at night, I immediately bust almost three gallons of sussy nut. That's only an image... I couldn't imagine how much seed I would flood my house with if crewmates were real. An Among Us crewmate, shaking their thick yellow ass right in my face. Thousands of gallons. Millions even. All thanks to the glorious view of a yellow, twerking ass. Thank you, Innersloth. Thanks to you, I don't need any real people in my life to make me cum. I just need to look at the amazing GIF of your character in order to feel pleasure. Thank you so much. I couldn't think about living without Among Ass.

how about dolphins?

There are various ways a dolphin has of showing that she or he is interested in sex. Males are probably the easiest to detect. They will swim around, sporting an erection (anywhere between 10 to 14 inches long for a Bottle-nose), and will have no bones about swimming up to you and placing their member within reach of your hand. If you are in the water, they may rub it along any part of your body, or wrap it around your wrist or ankle. (Dolphin males have a prehensile penis. They can wrap it around objects, and carry them as such.) Their belly will also be pinkish in colour, which also denotes sexual excitement.

Females can be a little harder. The most obvious way a female dolphin has of displaying her sexual interest is the pink-belly effect. Their genitals become very pink and swollen, making the genital region very prominent. They may be restless, or they may be acting as normal. If you are out of the water, they may swim up to you and roll belly up, exposing themselves to you, coupled with pelvic thrusts. If you are in the water, they may press their genitals up against yours, nibble your fingers, nuzzle your crotch, or do pelvic thrusts against you.

Each dolphins way of expressing sexual readiness varies, so the longer you know the dolphin, the better you will detect when they are sexually active. When a male dolphin is interested in you, about the only thing you can do, if you are male, is to masturbate him. (Unfortunately, I cannot speak for the female of the human species... it seems women just don't like dolphins enough...) WARNING! You should NEVER let a male dolphin attempt anal sex with you. The Bottle-nose dolphin member is around 12 inches, very muscular, and the thrusting and the force of ejaculation (A male can cum as far as 14 feet) would cause serious internal injuries, resulting in peritonitus and possible death.

A male dolphin's member is roughly S-shaped, tapered at the end. If you are in the water with them, it is best to support the dolphin on his side, just under the water, with one hand, and handle him with the other.

Male dolphins, I find, tend to prefer the base of the penis to be gently massaged and squeezed, as well as gently rubbed along it's length. It feels very much like the rest of the dolphin (ie. smooth and rubbery to the touch, but firmer). It doesn't take long for the male to ejaculate, around 40 seconds to a minute, and this is usually accompanied by either shuddering just prior to ejaculating, and thrusting and tail-arching during ejaculation. The force of ejaculation can be powerful at times, so it is best to keep your face out of the line of fire, or keep his member underwater. You can attempt to lick and suck on the end of it while masturbating as well, but be warned, do not try to give full throat, and get the hell out of the way before he ejaculates! A male dolphin could snap your neck in an accidental thrust, and that would be the end of that relationship. Well, the females are again a little trickier. There are two courses of action with a female fin: Masturbation, or mating.

Masturbation: Female dolphins, once they show interest in you, can be supported in much the same way as the male, one hand under the fin, supporting her, the other doing the stimulating. The clitoris of the female is located at the top of the genital slit, and is a prominent lump when erect. You can rub this with your finger tips, or lick and suck it, but with the oral aspect, you might end up with a bruised nose as they thrust up into you. You can slide your hand gently into their genital opening, and feel around inside, rubbing gently. They feel warm and muscular inside, their labia like tough, squishy sponge when they are excited.

Don't be surprised if they start to play with your hand inside them. They have very manipulative muscles, and can use them to carry and manipulate objects, including your hand. (They can do things that would make a regular human woman turn green with envy.) Their climax is coupled with stiffening, shuddering, sometimes a lot of thrusting, clinching of the vaginal muscles, and sometimes vocalisation. Mating: This is harder. Obviously, being human, it is awkward, but not impossible to mate in open water. It is easier to have the dolphin in a shallow area (like the shallows just off the beach) around 1 1/2 to 2 feet deep. This is usually comfortable enough for both the dolphin and you. Gently, you should roll the dolphin on her side, so she is lying belly-towards you. You can prop yourself up on an elbow, and lie belly to belly against her. You may want to use the other arm to gently hold her close, and place the tip of your member against her genital slit. She will, if interested, arch her body up against you, taking you inside her body.

There is usually a fair bit of wriggling and shifting, usually to get comfortable, both outside and inside. Once comfortable, though, females initiate a series of muscular vaginal contractions that rub the entire length of your member. They may also thrust rhythmically against you, so enjoy the experience while you can, since you will rarely last longer that a minute or two. Just prior to her climaxing, she will up the speed of her contractions and thrusts. It is interesting to note that the times I have mated with females, thay have timed their orgasm to mine. Whether they do this consciously or not, I do not know, but it is a great feeling to have two bodies shuddering against each other at the same time.

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is warm