Guys, I need your help!

So I recently went to theaters to watch the new Batman movie starring Robert Pattinson (I would let him fuck the shit out of me [24M]) and Zoe Kravitz (I would fuck the shit out of her [24M]) with my gf (I wouldn’t fuck the shit out of her with my gf, that would be weird. We went to watch the movie together). I’ve been an avid viewer of a majority of the Batman films for a while now, and I still believe that the Dark Knight Trilogy is best thing to come out of Hollywood. Now, I wouldn’t say i’m the biggest fan of Heath Ledger (I would fuck the shit out of him, you know, if he wasn’t dead. Cold ass would probably feel like shoving my balls into a box of refrigerated rubber bands) but the man was a master of his craft. So much so, that in fact, I dressed up as the Joker for 3 consecutive Halloweens! (my dad almost beat me because he thought I was pulling a reverse Justin Trudeau [24M and very black] the second he saw me with the white face paint. Anyway, I was so intrigued by the character of the Joker, that I had actually taken the time to study and memorize all of his lines (Like those those little brown boys that my mom shows me on Facebook who memorize the Quaran (a big book) (24M, Black, and very Islamic). Anyway, being a prophet of sorts in the Study of Joker, I walk into the theater fully expecting to be amazed by Reeves’ interpretation of the killer clown. About a third of the way into the film, I was hit with the largest erection I have ever felt (there was like a gradual build up of stiffness from the constant flow of Robert Pattinson’s dreamy ass face, but when Zoe Kravitz showed up *visualize a miniature model of the Burj Khalifa sticking out of my groin area* it was over). Now my girlfriend, being the lovable, all knowing queen that she is, looked down for a second and then matched my eyes. “You need someone to take care of that, mister?”. Now, I was totally down to just shut the fuck up and quietly unzip my pants an let her do thing. But that would’ve been quite distasteful, being in the situation I was in, watching the Batman while simultaneously being Prophet Mohammed-Al-Nicholson-Asalaam (the name passed down to me by Allah during one of my violent acid trips), I had to go a step above. And so, I dart upwards at a speed that shocked the people both in front and behind us at the theater. Not noticing anything in the heat of the moment, I open my mental manuscripts of the all Joker lines that I had so studiously memorized during my younger years, and hit her with the pinnacle of one liners. “tutut lets not BLOW this out of proportion” reverberated throughout the theater as I had comically timed my pants falling off in a Joker-esque fashion befitting of the great Ledger himself. My dong was in full view of my gf, along with the rest of the theater. Damn! I was a couple decibels off on the delivery! Heath would shake his head in disapproval if he saw the state of it (not my penis [very large, solid 6 and a quarter], but the quality of my impersonation). My girlfriend suddenly stormed out of the theater without any sort of warning. I was quite confused at the time as to why she did that, but i’ve come to the conclusion that my almost perfect acting had put her in a state of trance and euphoria (I would fuck the shit out of Sidney Sweeney and Zendaya), too much for her simple mind to handle (not because she’s a girl or anything, it’s just that she doesn’t have the same level of understanding in the arts of acting and cinema). My acting was so good in fact, there were women in the crowd crying from my performance (I should really do some auditioning, this acting shit is super easy). And on top of that, some of the theater staff came out of their way to escort me out of the theater. The bad part was that I was banned from that theater and all of their locations for the rest of my life. It was at this moment I had realized, I was truly an amazing actor. All those sleepless nights of memorizing every word of Joker’s script had finally paid off! I was now a local acting star! (I had turned heavenly Heath’s angelic frown upside down) but sadly all things come with a cost. Strangely, i’ve been dumped and ghosted by my gf for almost a year now, lost my job at the local Blockbuster, and was expelled from my community college(misfortunes befitting of actor of my caliber). Now, I’m unemployed, living off of the dumpster scrap at Subways and depending on the library computers for (not porn) raising any sort of awareness for my issue. I’ve linked a Gofundme, so if you guys can spare anything, it would be appreciated. I shall wait for the day that I am in a position to show the world my many talents, so that I can reimburse you all for your support in these trying times.

Thank You

Hi,

I'm 20 years old. I am looking for a German or Irish girl (possibly northern eastern french as a last resort) from Maryland or Virginia. Nearby states possible. Be above eighteen.

I'm graduating and I am going to get a vehicle to drive out within a 100 miles anywhere if anyone wants to meet up.

I am looking for any sort of relationship, sexual or friendship. I am absolutely looking for someone who is going to meet up IRL. I'm unsure about online only relationships.

I may come off as a big meanie but I won't harm anyone. I'm looking to go to an anime convention because that's what I like.

I don't like antisocial people. I don't deal with them. Do not be antisocial towards me. If you already have lots of friends and are busy don't talk to me.

I decided to shorten this.

I'm not political. Don't provoke me. Do not threaten me ever. That means threatening to leave, cut me off, block, lie, leave, ghost, logout, etc.

I only and can ONLY use Skype and Kik, I AM UNABLE TO USE ANYTHING ELSE. you have to get both to message me, you message my Kik, then you'll find my Skyp on my Kik, add me on Skyp to call me. I am not talking to anyone who cannot do this. No excuses.

Kik -> the/crazy/germanic (remove the slashes)

Or join the public group on there! #ger/mans/of/maryl/and (REMOVE SLASHES)

You don't want fun with me and cant handle mistakes go away.

As long as you do not judge me and you don't have any problems with me ever, I am not going to judge you for what you are. I work through problems anyways.

Do not add me until you read this message.

add me before its fucking too late. if we got problems lets fucking work it out so we can meet IRL. calm the fuck down and message me.

read dont fucking skip.

I cant fucking take this anymore.



I'm sitting on here...


for fucking days.


DAYS...


DAYS AND DAYS AND YOU PEOPLE

KEEP


FUCKING


IGNORING ME


IF WE GOT FUCKING PROBLEMS COME FUCKING WORK THEM OUT.


STOP.


FUCKING.


IGNORING ME.


SCROLL UP MY USERNAME IS THERE, COPY IT, SCREENSHOT, TYPE IT OUT JUST FUCKING ADD ME, MESSAGE ME AND FUCKING LET ME REPLY.

DOWNLOAD KIK.

DOWNLOAD SKYP.

FUCKING ADD ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DONT FUCK OFF!!!!!!!! DO NOT FUCK OFF!!!!!!!! AFTER YOU MESSAGE ME. JUST WAIT FOR ME TO REPLY!!!!!!!!!!!

SCROLL AND ADD ME. I HAVE TO TYPE LIKE THIS BECAUSE I AM FUCKING TARGETTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IM LOOKING FOR ONE TO GO TO AN ANIME CONVENTION WITH. ONE!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKING ONE!!!!!!!! GO ON HERE EVERY DAY I AM HERE EVERY FUCKING DAY. LISTEN TO ME I HAVE NO ONE ELSE. JSUIT TAKE THE FUCKINHG SPOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ADD MY KIK ADD MY SKYP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DONT FUCK OFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I CHANGED MY MESSAGE A WEEK AGO.


A WEEK AGO I GOT SO MANY ADDS ON SKYP.

NOW A FUCKING ENTIRE WEEK AFTER I FUCKWED MY MESSAGE UP.

nO ONE MESSAGE ME. NO ONE!!!!!!!! OUT AN ENTIRE FUCKI NGH WEEK OF BEING DPRESSED SLEEPING IN BED AND ISOLATING.


IM TRYING TO FUCKING HARD!!!!!!!! I JUST WANT SOME FUCKING FEIENDS, RELAtioonships SEX I WANT TOL BER FUK CINBGHY APPY TO I DONT WANT TO FUCKING HBE ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!

JUST ONE FUCKING PERSON WHY CANT U HAVE TIME FOR ONE FUCKING PERSON WHEN THERESX TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD.

IF IT AINT BROKE DONT FUCKING FIX IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am going to KEEP SCREAMING!!!! AND HAVE A BLOOD CLOT IN MY BRAIN UNTIL SOMEONE MEETS UP WITH ME IN REAL LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You all don't give a fuck about being alone.

You never felt it.

I am the only one on here who feels this.

You have no fucking grasp on what lonliness is. None of you. Not fucking one.

post me EVERYWHERE. EVERYWHERE NOW EVEN IF IT RUINS MY LIFE. I AM GOING TO DO THIS UNTIL I AM NOT ALONE.

USA MARYLAND GO TO ANIM CON WITH ME, FIND MY FUCKING USERNAME IN THIS MESSAGE CALL MY SKYPE DONT FUCK OFF, BE MY FRIEND AND DONT LEAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!

rACIST???

RACIST!!!!!!!!!??????????

IM ALOEN AI MALONE IM ALONE!!!!

HOW DARE U THROW SUCH FUCKIN G QWORDS AT ME.

I AM NOT THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM FUCKING ALONE!!!!!!!!!! STOP FUCKING GASLIHGTING ME!

EVERYONE ACTS THE SAME TOWARDS ME ALL OF THEM!!!!!!! 10000000000000%%%%%%%% OF THEM ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!

YOU PEOPLE BELIEVE GERMAN AND RACIST ARE THE SAME FUCKING WORDS AND MEANING.

When other races meet eachother, they are so happy and have the same blood,

but when germans meet eachother. THEY DONT GIVE A FUCK.

Honestly i believe germans are the fucking demon race, we are just fucking hated so fucking much and hate eachother. i think we all go to hell by default. i am fucking cursed.

i just want to un-german myself. fuck this shit. ive had enough. you all treated me bad enough. fuck you all.

I WANT IT TO END!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT LOVE. I WANT SEX. I WANT FRIENDSHIP. I WANT TO BE AROUND I WANT TO BE AROUND MAKE ME NOT ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My name is Chad Bigballs and i am 27 years old, every morning i wake up at 2am then i stare into the mirror and shout "GET THE FUCK UP!" before taking an ice cold shower and lifting weights. This combined technique increases testosterone levels ready for my workout session later on. For my breakfast i eat 55 chunks of raw chicken and a protein shake before brushing my teeth with a razor blade and going for a run at 5am. After coming back from my run i go to my razer gaming PC and survey the stock market before purchasing several nfts and investing in the right stocks. After this i go to my private gym in my basement and work out on the 500kg weight machines for 18 hours straight. This way i can chase my grindset while also slowly becoming a trillionare. This is called a trillionare grindset. Yes,i consider myself a sigma male. A man of my caliber would be just that. I do not believe i need friends or a partner, and i never contact my family, because relationships are gay. To increase my heterosexuality i make sure to never wash my ass or balls so i do not tarnish the pure oozing testosterone juice seeping from my balls. Call me a goblin, call me disgusting... I do not care . Sigma males don't get insulted.

I THINK I GET THE JOKE! So 69 = Sex Position, Right? Now the comedy doesn't end there.. the next number following the decimal point is 420 which is a number commonly associated with weed.

I want to fuck lego padme. I like to make her grapple and climb the walls on Naboo just to hear her grunt and squeal. I always make her wear the silver cape outfit so I can see her belly poking out from her tight little body. Sometimes I pretend she's grabbing my cock with her little lego crab hands and she's latched on so she can't let go. Lego padme is so hot dude fuck

Gregory, Roxy's Onlyfans password is located in her room. I... YOU... need it to... escape.

I don't see this discussed much, but many racists associate pit bulls with black people. Pitts have been the go-to protection dog for low-income families for generations and racist garbage people of course associate low-income with being black. When I was younger and had more time for trolling racists I used to see pitbull hate going hand-in-hand with racial hate. While there are many wonderful communities here with great people, you have to admit that there are a lot of safe spaces on Reddit for bigots as well.
I mean, pitbull haters are just bottom-of-the-barrell types that will judge innocent animals simply for how they look so of course they treat humans the same. Don't let those types of people bring you down. They would be directing their hatred towards something else if pitbulls never existed.

The only reason, the only reason you’re all laughing is because you don’t understand that I also played in a team before and it’s actually proper CS and not the kind of shit you play. I’m not gonna play matchmaking with you all because you’re all fucking useless anyway. You know why you’re better than me? Do you know why? Shut the fuck up you cunts. Tell me the answer, come on you fucking retards, laugh all you want you fucking dumbasses, honestly, fuck this. You’re all having a laugh and I’m trying to play a game and actually do something and fucking win. Fuck my dick.

Quayle immediately slid down from the desk and pressed his tongue to Junior’s back, lapping up Jimmy’s seed. He then grabbed Junior by the chin and pulled him into a sloppy kiss, sharing the sticky substance with him.

number 15: local school burning down

on april 10th, 2022 at 1:28pm, a school in Brighton, UK burned down while the kids were still in and officer you need to believe me I didn't burn the kids I drop kicked them from the top floor in self defence

Cock is one of my favorite tastes. Not only that,
but balls smell amazing. It makes me go a little
crazy on it to be honest. Like, I cannot get it far
enough down my throat to be satisfied. I'm only
satisfied when I feel those intense, powerful,
salty, hot pumps of cum down my throat. When I
sit back on my heels, look up at you, with cum all
over my mouth and slobber running down my
neck, hair all fucked up and wipe my mouth with
the back of my arm and ask you if I did a good job
and you cannot even speak because I've drained
all of your energy out the tip of your dick. That's
when I'm satisfied.

My (21F) boyfriend (21M) thinks he's a mongol warrior

My boyfriend and I met 2 years ago and got along pretty well. He's very handsome and smart and i think I was attracted to him from the start.

We started dating about a year ago when we both agreed to start a relationship. The start of the relationship was pretty awkward, but always very happy and stable nonetheless.

Now the only thing that bothers me is his obssession with Mongolia. We live in a country, whose people migrated to Europe from a place nearby Central Asia. We both are descendants from those people and that's why my boyfriend thinks he's a "Part of the horde".

I don't know how to translate everything he thinks he is to english, but I can say that he really considers himself to Be a descendant of a famous mongol warrior (I forgot the warrior's name). He constantly makes weird humming sounds and tries to sing by using his throat(???).

The last straw for me was when we were invited for a party and my boyfriend walked up to the speakers and put on a throat singing(????) Something playlist from YouTube on full volume and tried to sing along. It was embarrassing and I had to leave early. My boyfriend stayed there for a couple of More hours and I learned that his friends are also a part of the "horde".

I'm fucking fed up.

EDIT: No, this is not a fucking joke.

I’m really in a pickle here, and I don’t know what to do. I’ve begged him to stop countless of times with tears streaming down my face, but he just doesn’t want to quit it. I think it’s become an addiction for him and that he might even be getting off of it. I’m scared, I’m frightened, I’m absolutely horrified.
For further context, he would call an innocent bus, a “bussy” and the bus driver a “bussy driver,” and how he loves riding the “bussy”. Recently, when I just wanted to go in for a genuinely normal cuddle time, he asked me if I wanted to get in between his “legussy”, and I think something inside me just snapped afterwards. He calls his genitalia “dickussy” too and it’s really been drying me up.
Please help me. How can I get him to stop so I could have my boyfriend back to normal? I really don’t know what else to do, and it’s been doing my head in. I’m really at my limit, and I think he’s been starting to infect my brainussy too.

# My (21F) boyfriend (21M) thinks he's a mongol warrior

My boyfriend and I met 2 years ago and got along pretty well. He's very handsome and smart and i think I was attracted to him from the start.

We started dating about a year ago when we both agreed to start a relationship. The start of the relationship was pretty awkward, but always very happy and stable nonetheless.

Now the only thing that bothers me is his obssession with Mongolia. We live in a country, whose people migrated to Europe from a place nearby Central Asia. We both are descendants from those people and that's why my boyfriend thinks he's a "Part of the horde".

I don't know how to translate everything he thinks he is to english, but I can say that he really considers himself to Be a descendant of a famous mongol warrior (I forgot the warrior's name). He constantly makes weird humming sounds and tries to sing by using his throat(???).

The last straw for me was when we were invited for a party and my boyfriend walked up to the speakers and put on a throat singing(????) Something playlist from YouTube on full volume and tried to sing along. It was embarrassing and I had to leave early. My boyfriend stayed there for a couple of More hours and I learned that his friends are also a part of the "horde".

I'm fucking fed up.

EDIT: No, this is not a fucking joke.

so yesterday at school i was with 2 of my friends and we were standing at a table with 2 girls that one of my friends knows better than i know them, and we were talking about couples in our school, and one of the girls just says to me out of nowhere “you’re like the main example of a kind of peggable boy too” and that took be by surprise so much i said “oh, wwell thanks i guess” and i think i was probably blushing soo idk if i only solidified her opinion lmao

so like idk if she was flirting or just messing with me im not great at picking up hints, it seems like im not as crazy into pegging as most of u guys are (im mostly gay lmao) and also i dont know if i can now still normally talk to her so help me please ;-;

Ok so, first off grab a cucumber or anything dick-shaped with your preferred hand (DON'T GRAB YOUR DICK). Then hold that hand inside a freezer for about 12 hours. If your hand is now completely black due to deep frostbite, congrats. You now have a "stranger's hand" you can use for masturbating. Trust me guys, this is life-changing stuff for real. It 100% feels like some other person (male or female) is giving you a handjob. Once I found out about this I've been jerking it like 5 times a day. I've also been thinking about freezing my left foot and cutting it off so I can suck on some toes while getting a "hand" from this "stranger" *wink wink* haha

so yesterday at school i was with 2 of my friends and we were standing at a table with 2 girls that one of my friends knows better than i know them, and we were talking about couples in our school, and one of the girls just says to me out of nowhere “you’re like the main example of a kind of peggable boy too” and that took be by surprise so much i said “oh, wwell thanks i guess” and i think i was probably blushing soo idk if i only solidified her opinion lmao

so like idk if she was flirting or just messing with me im not great at picking up hints, it seems like im not as crazy into pegging as most of u guys are (im mostly gay lmao) and also i dont know if i can now still normally talk to her so help me please ;-;

STOP POSTING HORNY COPYPASTA POSTS. THEY ARE VERY UNORIGINAL AND INCREDIBLE COPYPASTED. I GET BRAIN CANCER, AUTISM, BRAIN TUMOR, ABNORMALITY, AND A MENTAL DISORDER WHEN I READ THESE POSTS, THIS MAKES ME WANN KILL THESE STUPID OMFNFHDH BOYRRINNED CUMMMIN ME ??!!????!???????. AAAAAAAAAAA A JUST STOP THESE POSTS, MODS PLEASE BAM THEM INSTRAD OF BEIN A STUPID HORNY DUMBFACK JUSSSS STUOPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you're not just making shit up on the fly, you are RUINING chess. "London System" "Frenchman's Cumsock" BULLSHIT, I'll have you know I win almost every match on Cool Math Games intermediate level chess, and I have NEVER used some pissy tactic like "Queen's Gambit" or anything stupid like that, I raw dog it and just do what I think is good, and I WIN you know!