Never date a dog lover

The level of disgust involved is more than enough for me, but we all know you will have to accept being the second most important in her life after her dog. To date them would be an insult to your own existence. Her full time relationship will always be with her dog and you will always be a part time relationship. There will also be a strong possibility that you are actually sharing her with the dog romantically. Most females were motivated into zoophilia with their dogs based on an emotional attachment with the dog. Never trust dog lovers. p.s. It's not a female thing. There are lots of men who get it on with Rover as well, no matter if it's a male or female dog.

DO NOT HAVE HOT SEX!!! I REPEAT!!! DO NOT HAVE HOT SEX!!!

My wife and I had sex, like really hot sex. Like super incredibly hot sex, like really really hot sex, the sex was so hot! But I think it was too hot! Don't get me wrong, I'd love to have sex that hot again, because it was so hot. She did that thing with her tongue, and I did that thing with my penis. But the sex was way too hot! She told me she was pregnant the next day! Then she gave birth 7 months later, I always thought it took 9 months but it was probably sped up by how hot the sex was! What's worse, THE BABY WAS BURNED! It was sort of brown! The doctor held the baby and just gave us a skeptical look, I was confused and my wife seemed concerned. The baby was burned by how hot the sex was! DO NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE I DID WITH MY WIFE, DO NOT HAVE HOT SEX OR THE BABY WILL BE BURNED!!!

I just shit on my girlfriends chest. She loved it. I didn't. Now that's all she wants me to do. Please help.

Not even using a throwaway because I don't care. I don't care if her family finds this. I don't care if her friends find this. It's embarrassing for me and it's something that we're going to have to get through. Last week my girl started Kink shaming me because I was into some regular vanilla bondage stuff nothing crazy but you know handcuffs ties whips whatever. And I asked her if she had any kinks at all and she was very timid and kind of giggly. I kept pressing the issue and she swore to God that this weekend we would get some drinks and talk about it. She said that she wanted to get loosened up and we could talk about it after a good dinner and some alcoholic beverages. For whatever reason she wanted me to eat two entrees. Well at the time I didn't understand but we'll get to that. Later on that night we're back in my room and I said well I think it's time to talk about that kink and she said to me okay but I don't want you to be grossed out. I promised her I would not be and pressed the issue a little bit further and she said that she was really interested in finding out what it felt like to have me drop a huge log on her chest while she looked me in the eyeballs. After having as many drinks as I had that night, I was actually down for anything and I tried this. Things went as you would expect I guess. I did my thing and it was kind of hard to get it out at first but once it started to go seeing the joy and excitement on her face was something that I just could not help but enjoy myself. I let out a monster log and then several rabbit like pebbles as my sphincter puckered open and shut, ironically exactly like your lips would look when you say the word "poop". She expressed how much she loved the different shapes and smell and feel etc. The next day when I woke up things were wicked weird. I felt like a total scumbag, she didn't even clean up properly there was just her white undershirt laying next to the bed with the poo smeared all over it. I never wanted to do that ever before and I regret that I did it but she was happier than hell and won't stop talking about it. "Chest bombs" "Shitty Titty Escapades" "Poopies on My Droopies" She keeps saying to me. She's even started calling me "Poo Bear" (which is actually hilarious because when we did the deed I was wearing a red Tshirt with no pants, so she kinda right) She keeps on hinting at it by telling me "Hey hun I hope we can have a nice dinner tonight and you can have two entrees again." as if that's some kind of inside joke to alert me to her desire for me to drop another fresh log on her biddies. I feel disgusted like I said and I don't want to do this anymore. I told her that I did not feel comfortable and the only reason that it even got done in the first place is because I had been drinking Jack Daniels double shots with beer chasers all night. She said that if I don't keep on dropping fresh steamers on her hoots she's out the f****** door ASAP please help me what do I do? Should I keep dropping bombs on my girl? Or should I tell her to hit the road because it makes me uncomfortable. All comments appreciated.

ED is a masterpiece! I love fighting the same bosses 5+ times! I love how the devs didn't have enough assets to fill the map they created so the "bosses" you fought in the early game are actually just late game enemies but with a boss health bar, 80+ bosses guys! Thats so much content! I really like how balanced the game is, they really tested everything! I like how you can get soft locked if your game crashes during the cutscene after fire giant. Gosh this game is the GOAT, if you think it's bad you are clearly stuck at tree sentinel hehe, it's not like you can just summon and give your controller to your dog and still beat the boss. We got some real Winner bosses like godshit duo, elden beast, and my favorite godefroy, it's not a Goderick recycle, he has a different name, therefore it's a different boss : ]

Hinata but tsunade close second but I have some problems with tsunade. Sometimes her tits appear too large and oddly shaped. That’s the main problem I have with Hentai from anime they draw the body’s and tits way to unrealistic. I wish more Hentai had more realistic proportions when compared to real life women. But also when compared to their appearance in the show itself. Waaaaay too many tits that are disgustingly shaped, so oversized that I’m turned off, and in no way resembles the character they are portraying. It pisses me off. I want them to have the same size and shape as they are regularly in the show. No cow nipples. And boobs that are spaced so far apart that they don’t even look like tits anymore. The tits when shown in the shows are so perfect most times perfect size shape everything. But Hentai artists contort them into these fowl monstrosity’s that in no way resemble the character we wish to see. Though these photos are perfect as far as the body proportions and shape of the ass. Perfection.

This happened before we started dating. I went to Carla’s place twenty minutes earlier than we agreed we would study and found her masturbating over a bowl of food that she made for me. When I ask her what’s going on, Carla admitted she’s been squirting in my food and and then watching me eat it for the past four months now. She said she is in love with me and wants to make me eat her juices to mark me as hers. I was very shocked by all this but we started going out. I’m still feeling a bit concerned though, and wondering if this is a sign of a potential problem or something. What should I do to address this?

"thas true story free to die for sanic to overcome the sin and even though"

Spiderman killed Mary Jane, before you click off, let me explain how. When Spiderman and MJ were making love to each other, radioactivity entered her body from the inside, spreading cancer. It turns out that the radioactive spider bite that gave Peter his incredible abilities also contaminated his physiological fluids with toxic radiation. To put it straight, Spider-Man used radioactive sperm to kill Mary-Jane. I know what you're thinking, is this real? Well, kind of, the book itself may be real but Marvel hasn't made any comments about it being canon or not, so it's safe to assume they forgot this book existed.

I was walking down the hallway in school one day when my brother asked my favorite thing and I said anime so he started beating me and called me a weeaboo, I moaned and said "Yare Yare Daze, beating me is truly futile for a mortal such as yourself" I then proceeded to get my shit rocked. I woke up and saw a mystical waifu in front of me, and finally thought I was about to get some bitches, but instead she called me a pervert and it turned out I was just staring at some random girl's boobs. Defeated, I slowly walked home when I got hit in the leg by a bullet, I cried so hard I shitted myself, when I turned to look at the person who shot me, it was my brother. First, he called me a weeb, then I got no bitches, and now he shot me. I was so incomprehensibly pissed off that I pulled the bullet out with my own hands and threw it at my brother's ankle. Somehow, my strength had increased within that single moment, and the bullet shot through. As my brother writhed in pain, I smiled, the shit in my pants and dried up tears plus the blood leaking from my leg made me smell horrible, but I smiled, smirking at him I laughed “Why should I bare hatred towards someone who’s obviously weaker than myself? I only pity them.” I walked away, looking super badass, I'm pretty sure all these girls were fainting because of how sexy I look, then again it could have been because of the shit in my pants. As I walked forward, I got hit by a car and a bird shat on my face as I blacked out.

When I was about 13, I went fishing with my dad. I caught a fish, and I was really happy about it. I just felt like I had a connection with the fish it just felt very nice in my hands. It felt like it was chosen for me and so when my dad told me to throw that fish back in the water, but I couldn’t do it, so I threw a rock in the water and pretended it was the fish and I shoved the fish down my trouser. The fish was not bigger than my dick when it’s hard, but it was in there and the fish got warm as we were going home, and I just remember I was getting a boner as I was going home, and my dad was speaking to me and I tried to shift the focus away from the warm fish because I could feel the fish kinda like shaking and dying on my dick. It was kinda giving me a uhm, not a blowjob but it just felt like it was, you know it was having its last moments on my dick and it felt really special to me even though it was weird. And I remember getting home, quickly going to my room and I lied down and got naked. I remember taking my zip down and I saw the fish covered in cum. That one moment just felt amazing to me. And it was still kinda shaking like its nerves were going off, and it just felt so good. And I remember I didn’t want to let that fish go, I couldn’t let it go, because I felt like I was responsible for the fish and so I cleaned up all the cum and I cleaned up myself and I kept it in a freezer in my room. Whenever I would get horny and stuff, I’d use the fish to masturbate, and I would cum all over it again and again and again until the fish was smelling up the house and my dad knew something was going on with me. He could tell from the smell that something was in my mini-fridge, and he found the fish. I remember making up excuses, telling him “It’s not my fish, my friend gave it to me as a prank”. My dad was looking at me with disgust and I had to get rid of the fish which was obviously sad. And it affects me because I can’t speak to my dad without thinking about the fish. What’s even worse is that I can’t jack off without thinking about the fish. Porn doesn’t do it for me anymore. There’s no fish related stuff, no nothing. I don’t like fish as a food that much. I prefer medium-rare steak. Whenever I jack off I kinda feel the fish. I’ll never forget the feeling of it dying on my dick while I cummed on it.

Jerking off in the shower is the worst

Everytime I get horny in the shower, I gotta contain myself, because I remember cum is sticky with water.

I'm not joking, It's horrible to get it off, it gets stickier and stickier.

Don't get me wrong, shower masturbation is very exciting , but not worth it.

Edit 1: I see some comments tellin me to aim at the drain, but yall forget that pre-cum and past-cum exists, It's not like piss.

Edit 2: your right, cold water does in fact help getting it off. thanks for the tip guys. But it is still hard to clean it up.

I’ve got a confession to make…

When I was about 13, I went fishing with my dad. I caught a fish, and I was really happy about it. I just felt like I had a connection with the fish it just felt very nice in my hands. It felt like it was chosen for me and so when my dad told me to throw that fish back in the water, but I couldn’t do it, so I threw a rock in the water and pretended it was the fish and I shoved the fish down my trouser. The fish was not bigger than my dick when it’s hard, but it was in there and the fish got warm as we were going home, and I just remember I was getting a boner as I was going home, and my dad was speaking to me and I tried to shift the focus away from the warm fish because I could feel the fish kinda like shaking and dying on my dick. It was kinda giving me a uhm, not a blowjob but it just felt like it was, you know it was having its last moments on my dick and it felt really special to me even though it was weird. And I remember getting home, quickly going to my room and I lied down and got naked. I remember taking my zip down and I saw the fish covered in cum. That one moment just felt amazing to me. And it was still kinda shaking like its nerves were going off, and it just felt so good. And I remember I didn’t want to let that fish go, I couldn’t let it go, because I felt like I was responsible for the fish and so I cleaned up all the cum and I cleaned up myself and I kept it in a freezer in my room. Whenever I would get horny and stuff, I’d use the fish to masturbate, and I would cum all over it again and again and again until the fish was smelling up the house and my dad knew something was going on with me. He could tell from the smell that something was in my mini-fridge, and he found the fish. I remember making up excuses, telling him “It’s not my fish, my friend gave it to me as a prank”. My dad was looking at me with disgust and I had to get rid of the fish which was obviously sad. And it affects me because I can’t speak to my dad without thinking about the fish. What’s even worse is that I can’t jack off without thinking about the fish. Porn doesn’t do it for me anymore. There’s no fish related stuff, no nothing. I don’t like fish as a food that much. I prefer medium-rare steak. Whenever I jack off I kinda feel the fish. I’ll never forget the feeling of it dying on my dick while I cummed on it.

I am the ball toucher.

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I will touch your balls.

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Do not attempt to prevent me from touching your balls.

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If you try to stop me, I will touch your balls anyways.

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I do not care about you.

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I only care about balls.

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It is because I care about balls that I will touch your balls.

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All balls deserve to be touched.

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I do not care if your balls are white balls or black balls.

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I will only be angry if you have no balls.

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If you have no balls, I will scream.

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If you have two balls, I will touch both balls.

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Do not be alarmed when I arrive.

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I will do so quietly.

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You will leave your door unlocked.

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You will remain contained within your chamber.

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You will smile while standing still.

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If your door is locked, I will break into your house and touch your balls.

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If you feel fear, I will touch your balls anyways.

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If you scream, I will touch your balls anyways.

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If you call the police, they will not answer.

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My touch is warm.

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My touch is light.

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My touch is wet, but not too wet for your balls.

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Your balls knows who I am.

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I will not touch the inside of the balls.

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I will not influence the conscience of the balls.

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I will only touch the outside of your balls.

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Do not hide your balls.

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If you hide your balls, I will find your balls.

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If I find your balls, I will touch your balls.

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I will never touch you.

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If you touch me, you will scream.

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When I'm done finished touching your balls, I will say "I am finished touching your balls."

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I will then leave and not return.

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I will not touch anything else in your house.

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When I have departed, it is safe to come out.

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After I have touched your balls, you may continue to use them normally.

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I am the ball toucher.

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I will touch your balls.

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You cannot stop me.

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I am coming to touch your balls.

I beat my stepdad to retardation

Starting back four years ago, my mom left my dad cause he was beating her. She met this new guy on, get this, world of Warcraft. They had a good thing going and eventually arranged a meet up after finding out he lived a city over from us. Fast forward a year and he’s now over at our house everyday basically living there. He worked a clean job and made a nice wage but was super pretentious and spiteful. He began to act like he knew me and my sisters like we were his own and started demanding us around. My mom, being the non-confrontational woman she is, turned a blind eye. Day after day he would come back from work and order us to clean the house and bring him everything he needed (snacks, drinks, etc). It went on like this for some time and he kept getting worse and more demanding.

My mom works a dead end job and really needed the financial support from him as well as emotional too. So she acted like he was just perfect. My sisters and I would go to her privately and complain about how he’s bossing us around and he’s not even our step dad yet. She showed sorrow and empathy and assured us she would talk to him. Nope. That miserable man only got worse. He would threaten to hit us and lock us in our mud room in the basement if we didn’t do exactly as we told him. On days that our mom wasn’t there (she frequently went on 12 hour shifts) he would take our electronics and send us upstairs.

My sister tried to argue back one time and he pulled her by her hair to the laundry room. She later told my other sisters and I that he grabbed her in her private areas and groped her while yelling in her ear to never talk back again. I was infuriated. I’m a big guy but not athletic, I’m around 6’2 and pretty husky so my stepdad and I are pretty matched when it comes to size. Skill, though? No, he works a pencil pushing desk job and couldn’t connect a punch to a wall. My sister informed me of his assault and I lost it. I called my mom and told her he was beating us and to call the police. I walked downstairs and turned the corner to the dining room and saw him on his laptop. I started yelling at him with tears in my eyes not to touch my sister ever again and that he wasn’t my dad.

He looked over in disbelief as I never confront him. He got up and turned red. I knew it was go time. He step toward me and said something like “you’ll never talk like that to me again you hear me” he stepped closer and tried to grab my shirt. I threw the hardest punch I’ve ever thrown and connected with his nose. He fell back a bit and looked stunned. I was also surprised at myself so I just stood their for a sec.

He took that time to lunge at me and he got me to the ground. I don’t remember how many times he punched me but he beat my hands and back of my head up while I was face down blocking the back of my head. I managed to throw him off me after a bit and he hit his head off the table. He fell on the ground with his legs still on mine and started making a rough snoring sound. I was blacked out. All I remember from there is turning around and socking him in the head multiple times. After two minutes of wailing on him head to toe my two sisters ran downstairs and pulled me off him. He was a mess. His forehead was swollen and he had two black eyes. He wasn’t snoring anymore so I thought I killed him. I just sat back as my sisters called my mom and told her what was happening. The police started banging on the door and my one sister opened it. They got everyone away from his body and put me in handcuffs. Not much I remember from that point except for being in court with two witness statements from my sisters stating it was self defense. Fast forward now. I’m 17 and I still live with my mom. She was devastated with me and was contemplating putting me in a home right after it all went down.

As for my stepdad. He was airlifted to the ER and died two times while in the hospital. He regained consciousness two weeks after the incident and was a new person. My mom is telling me all this because clearly I can’t see him anymore. She said he talks with a lisp now and can’t drink correctly. He has trouble moving his arms and legs and just sits in his brothers house all day in a special chair staring at nothing. He talks and apparently gets really excited when my mom visits him but isn’t the same anymore. I don’t feel bad at all. He molested my 12 year old sister and got ten fold what he did to her. My family isn’t the same anymore and it seems like every time I come out of my room my family is scared of me.

Anyway yeah sorry if I told that shittily. It’s 1:30 AM and I can’t remember much probably due to suppressed memories. May that scummy fuckwad rot in his shell of a body for the rest of his life.

From r/confessions

I am the computer toucher.

I will touch your computer.

Do not attempt to prevent from touching your
computer.

If you try to stop me, I will touch your computer anyways.

I do not care about you.

I only care about computers.

It is because I care about computers that I will touch your computer.

All computers deserve to be touched.

I do not care if your computer is Steve Jobs computer or Linus computer.

I will only be angry if you have no computer.

If you have no computer, I will scream.

If you have two computers, I will touch both computers.

Do not be alarmed when I arrive.

I will do so quietly.

You will leave your door unlocked.

You will remain contained within your chamber.

You will smile while standing still.

If your door is locked, I will break into your house and touch your computer.

If you feel fear, I will touch your computer anyways.

If you scream, I will touch your computer anyways.

If you call the police, they will not answer.

My touch is warm.

My touch is light.

My touch is wet, but not too wet for your computer.

The computer knows who I am.

I will not touch the inside of the computer.

I will not influence the conscience of the computer.

I will only touch the outside of your computer.

Do not hide your computer.

If you hide your computer, I will find your
computer.

If I find your computer, I will touch your computer.

I will never touch you.

If you touch me, you will scream.

When I'm done finished touching touching your computer, I will say "I am finished touching your computer."

I will then leave and not return.

I will not touch anything else in your house.

When I have departed, it is safe to come out.

After I have touched your computer, you may continue to use it normally.

I am the computer toucher.

I will touch your computer.

You cannot stop me.

I am coming to touch your computer.

In metric, one milliliter of water occupies one cubic centimeter, weighs one gram, and requires one calorie of energy to heat up by one degree centigrade—which is 1 percent of the difference between its freezing point and its boiling point. An amount of hydrogen weighing the same amount has exactly one mole of atoms in it. Whereas in the American system, the answer to ‘How much energy does it take to boil a room-temperature gallon of water?’ is ‘Go fuck yourself,’ because you can’t directly relate any of those quantities

I love P.E because every time time we had it our gym teacher (f36) came through the locker room periodically & made sure we were developing properly by touching our penises
Now I can make masturbate 8 times just to the thought of my penis getting touched by the hot gym teacher

Racism is a 19th century made up word, all peoples gravitate to their own people/culture. That is human nature, not a "defect" in one's thought patterens that deserves/requires prosecution by law. I despise many cultures, I don't celebrate "diversity" nor do I tolerate that which I find low IQ and "group think". Also, "science consensus" is a complete lie and scam by academic elites controlled by subversive, secret entities. If a hypothesis or theory cannot be reproduced in some part by a controlled scientific study and test, then it remains an idea no matter what "titles" appear before the name of the paid stooge or university prostituting for funding. That's me, you don't like it that's fine, but fuck off if you think I care one bit about butthurt, emotional, illogial, fantasy living fucktards, WHATEVER your preferred pronoun. Everyone in this United States (per Constitution) are free to do whatever they want as long as it doesn't fly in the face of personal freedom, criminalty, or the protection of children (which is criminal), regardless of the current acceptance of insanity by the corrupt DC circuit, past and present. You don't get a pass for stupidity or despicable, unacceptable actions because you belong to a "group" either, regardless of the "powers that be" that support such destructive nonsense. My Saturday declaration

I guess I'm just a degenerate coomer, but I've always wondered why there's so much art that's not pornographic. I've asked friends and stuff about it but it always seems to boil down to just they like looking at it. But like, wouldn't you like it more if there were huge bouncy oiled up tits also? Like why do we have movies where the women have clothes on at all?

Lux drives me absolutely wild and I need to vent

She's just a dumb, slutty blonde that's super peppy and cheery, but as soon as you gank her lane and grab her hair she just turns into a sparkly-eyed, blushing whore for cock.

Every time I win my lane against Lux I get a testosterone overload. I have to look at her hentai to let it all out.

Your shield might protect you from my Q's but not this goddamn dick.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk