There’s some tarts in this house

There’s some tarts in this house

There’s some tarts in this house

There’s some tarts in this house

I said, certified treats

Seven days a week

Warm apple pastries

Make that diet game weak, woo (ah)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, you eating some warm apple pastries

Grab a crumpet and some pop for these warm apple pastries

Give me everything you got for these warm apple pastries

Knead it up, bake-a, catch a charge

Extra lard and extra chard

Put these pastries right in your face

Buy this dough with a credit card

Pastries my love, I can not hide

I eat a bagel while I’m inside

Yum in my mouth, glee in my eyes

This pastry is warm, come take a dive

I can cook, I can clean

But I ain’t gonna tell you how I got this thing (ayy, ayy)

Gobble me, swallow me, drip me down the side of you (yeah)

Quick, eat me up before I get cold, I finna (yeah)

I tell them what to put in, never tell me how many calories

I'll run downtown for them before I have to Getty up(pow, pow)

Take a sip, leave a tip (yeah)

Ask for a napkin so it doesn’t drip ( doesn’t drip)

You ain't never had something as good as this thang (yeah)

I already made my mind up 'fore I came (ayy, ah)

Now get your boots and your coat (ah, ah, ah)

To get these Warm apple pastries

I brought a phone just for pictures

Of these warm apple pastries (click, click, click)

Eat a whole dish, it’s just me

On this Warm apple pastries (mwah, mwah, mwah)

Now eat the pain away if you wanna

I love these Warm apple pastries (yeah, yeah)

Look, I need a buttery crust, I need a sweet finish

I need a cup of milk, and now my hunger is diminished

Not a pinch of cinnamon, I need a lot

With a fork in it, hope it’s still hot

I got some money, so the bakery is where I'm headed

Pastries A1, just like my credit

I have some pastries, well, I'm tryna warm them

I taste it, now I’m diabetic

I don't wanna spit, I wanna gulp

I wanna bag it, I wanna take it home

I want to touch that lil' danish thing

Shove that down my throat

My eating game is fire, No, I never choke

I’m going to eat this pie cause it’s real tasty

I eat that pastry, it’s made with sourdough, yeah it’s so yeasty (yeah, ah)

I lick the plate, now everyone is looking at me, woo

I freaking love these pastries, I eat them with glee

Buy another one, too bad they aren’t free

Put me in debt, give me something that’s sweetened

Lots of air bubbles in this crust, it must have been beaten (ah)

In the food pyramid, this is on the top

I eat these all the time, no I never stop

If I drop these pastries they’ll be looking for a cleaner

Wow these pastries taste so good, could it be any meaner

If it doesn’t crunch then no lunch

Not eating pastries feels like a knockout punch

I get there and there isn’t my brunch

When I will wait for my afternoon munch

Ah (tarts in this house)

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, you eating some warm apple pastries

Buy a napkin and tuck it for these warm apple pastries

I’d give anything I’ve got for these warm apple pastries

These pastries you can’t top, they can’t stop

These are some Warm apple pastries

Now get a crumpet and some pop

These are some Warm apple pastries

I'm talking WAP, WAP, WAP

That's some Warm apple pastries

Choux dough in a pot
To make my Warm apple pastries, huh

(There are some tarts in this house)

(There are some tarts in this house)

After years of perfecting my recipe, I made my way down to the local hut, fresh-baked pizza pie in hand. "Try this," I told the kid working the counter. He did, and he had to agree that it was better than anything Pizza Hut had to offer. Soon, the entire store, customers included, was feasting on my delicious pie. The manager walked over, grabbed a slice, and took a bite. I look at him, anticipation rising. This was the boss, the local fief lord of the Hut. His approval meant more to me than all the rest combined. He took a bite and nodded. "I'll be damned," he said, "you really did it. You out-pizza'd the Hut. Shame." Shame? What did he mean by tha- the manager pulled a gun out from behind his apron and shot the nearest customer in the head. "We have a Code Jalapeño," he said into his wrist as he executed the remaining customers. "I repeat, we have a Code Jalapeño." The ground was slick with blood. The kid working the counter choked out his dying breath as the manager turned to me. "You just had to do it motherfucker. You just had to out-pizza the Hut." He shoved the gun in my face. I was too scared to fight, too scared to run. The manager pulled the trigger. A click. The gun was empty. I threw a chair at the manager and scrambled out of the Pizza Hut, not even bothering to see if my missile hit its mark. I was closely pursued by the manager, who had gotten his hands on a de
adly sharp pizza cutter. I suspected in his hands it would cut more than pizza. Somehow, I was able to get into my car and speed off, the manager cursing my existence as I left him behind. I took a deep breath. The manager was clearly psychotic. Yes, that was it, just a crazy man with a gun. It had to be. My phone rang. Sister. I picked it. "They're dead, she sobbed. They're all dead. M-mom, dad, Chris, Bill. Dead. They killed them all." I could barely understand her, so great were her sobs. "What do you mean? Where are you?" I asked urgently. "How is this possi-" a single gunshot sounded through my phone's speakers. Silence. Then, I heard a man's voice. "No one out-pizzas the Hut." He hung up. I drove down the empty county road, mind blank. I had nothing. They killed my family. I was alone. At that moment I knew what I had to do. They took everything from me. Well then, I would take everything from them. Pizza Hut was so terrified of being out-pizza'd, they forgot there's one thing worse than a man with a recipe: A man with nothing to lose. I'll give them a limited time offer they won't be able to refuse: two bullets for the price of one. With a free side order of pain.

I am not a "latinx" I am a LATINO. SAY IT RIGHT. No real latino likes to be called latinx. Latino is ALREADY GENDER NEUTRAL YOU FUCKHEADS. If you're talking specifically about a woman, then use latina. It's not disrespectful, it's not a slur. Spanish is a gendered language. Nouns have gender, adjectives have gender, using the "male" versions is gender neutral. When talking about a group of men and women, you use the male nouns, pronouns and adjectives. Trying to be inclusive you ended up being dumbasses. You're all about inclusion but fuck my entire language am I right?

I am all about being inclusive but if you're gonna take a word from my language and culture, don't make it sound absolutely fucking ridiculous.

"Gender inclusive language" is largely an American English thing. You'll never hear someone speak Spanish and say "latinx" or ANY OTHER fake gender neutral word.

I like the shape of a dogs pussy. Some people call it a "fortune cookie" because it kinda looks like one when you compare them. I started masturbating to feral erotic artwork when I was younger and immediately got hooked.

I also had a massive fear of canines because I was chased by a dog and traumatized at a young age. Apparently our kinks can tie into childhood trauma. If thats the case then its starting to make sense why im such a degenerate today.

I know im a disgusting piece of shit and im probably going to burn in hell for eternity therapy wont fix me blah blah blah ive heard it all. Im just giving you a nasty confession. Have a good day.

"Nuck Figgers" was originally the name given to a community of European-born Canadian people who lived on the island of Nuck, just off the northern coast of the province of Manitoba, Canada. These people largely lived off the land, harvesting crops. And since the only crop on Nuck was figs from fig trees, they made everything out of figs. Their food was figs, their clothing was figs... Everything was figs. And hence, they became known as the Nuck Figgers.

As you'd expect from such an isolated island community, though, the Nuck Figgers were terrible racists. They'd accept white outsiders into their community (as long as they liked figs), but as soon as a black man came around, they'd mob up to tear him limb from limb. This continued until the more progressive-minded children of their parents got tired of hating people with other skin colours and left Nuck forever. The Nuck Figgers community died out in 1973, the last dying of malnutrition at 81.

However, the legend of the Nuck Figgers lived on. So fierce were they in their hatred of dark-skinned individuals, that "Nuck Figgers" became a byword for hostility towards black people. Even today, calling out "Nuck Figgers" will scatter any African-descended persons around, as it indicates to them that you are willing to act in the manner of the Nuck Figgers of old, and so they will be unwelcome around you.

The fact that the words "Nuck Figgers" are a spoonerism for an expression involving the N-word is just a coincidence.

They're not even huge or anything, they're just normal boobs. But they're heavy and I haven't been able to find a bra that *actually* takes the weight off my shoulders and back. They're just always there, hanging off my body, fucking up my posture. I've thought about getting them removed but if I did, I'd lose the one(1) thing that makes me look feminine. The shape of my body would change and I don't think it would be for the better. So I get to suffer with heavy boobs that hurt my back and shoulders. I hate this shit.

You didn't ask? That's amazing, are you a dictator? A god? The most important person in the world? No? Then why would you say that like it matters? "I come out as homosexual, this is really hard for me and I hope you respect that. "Did I ask?" no, you did not ask, we couldn't care less if you asked, you are nothing compared to the universe. Do you think your opinion holds a higher meaning than anyone else's? You could've said anything, something creative, even an ok or you not saying a word would be better than the phrase "Did I ask?" we get it, you never asked, but did anyone ask about you asking? Even if you said that you traveled the world to find out who asked, who asked you to do that? You didn't ask for their opinion, but nobody asked if you care at all. You aren't creative or smart. Even a caveman grunts and ooga boogas would be better than that phrase. Now stop pretending to be a god and go back to school to learn how to respect people

There is nothing more disgusting than the thought of a teenage girl touching herself. Well… nature agrees too. Jennifer Connery of Hoagland Nebraska was struck by lightning this past Tuesday while masturbating outside behind a tree. “We don’t let our kids masturbate in the home for this very reason so I guess she had to sneak out side” embarrassed father Winston Connery was quoted as saying when contacted. According to medical experts the moisture between her genitals and her fingertips served as a conductor and caused a lot of damage to nerve endings there is a good chance she will not regain feeling in either. “She is lucky to have only been using two fingers at the time, it could have been much worse” Carol Rogers, pediatric nurse responded. “Right now I think she is just embarrassed that she had to learn a lesson the hard way” Masturbation is a most deadly sin and children need to be protected from the temptation

ok so firstly i am a furry artist. well yea it might sound disgusting but i literally cant draw anything else since any furry is like 100x better than whatever i draw so it looks like i must accept my fate and take it with pride.

it was a geography class and i was watching some hentai anime with my catboy friend when the teacher announced the classwork we had to do. of course we didnt hear shit but we couldnt care less at the time

a bit later we leaned over and asked the guy ahead about our task. he gave us his copybook since hes already done it (what a quick son of a bitch) so we checked it out and copied the work.

this is when it dawned upon me to draw a buff furry on his worksheet. i mean, whats so wrong about it? ive already done it so many times with so many people so its like a habit for me. so i went ahead and made a hot furry fox with an aroused face and a massive cock in about a minute (practice makes perfect). my catboy saw me drawing him and giggled as he was purring for me.

so well ive done my dirty business and we returned the copybook to the guy and carried on watching our hentai. yet what we didnt seem to notice is that the dude hadnt checked the work one more time. at the end of our lesson we gave in our copybooks to the teacher.

and so uh it turns out that the guy hasnt erased the furry meaning hes still out there waiting for teacher to notice him… well i hope she wont mind that much

I was just taking a walk in a nature reserve near a pond when I hear in the distance, rustling in the trees: "Hey, what you wanna do in my swamp?" in a seductive tone, the Scottish accent and my curiosity lured me towards his voice when I come upon Shrek himself who invites me to have a drink at this place, not knowing better, I accepted the offer.

After drinking the coffee, I fell into a haze feeling slightly tired yet horny and high, I see Shrek smiling at me, being the submissive I follow his commands to lay on his bed, he stripped me so easily I had no idea my clothes were removed, so there I was, face to face with the lord of onions and seccs.

​

As my new master got on the bed undressed, he proceeded to whip out his magnum, juicy cock. In awe I instinctively spread my legs without knowing while imagining what it must be like to experience having it in me. Then it happened, he proceeded to ram his huge cock up my pussy while I was still wet, resulting in the biggest orgasm in my life to the point where I could see the light before jolting back just as he cums, and I end up getting it in the eyes which I proceed to wipe off with a flannel nearby before getting railed and riding Shrek's magnum dong, the pleasure was so strong I struggle to breathe during climaxes, making me barely able to moan, I could feel my insides getting destroyed as I barely managed to fit his fully erect penis in my small pussy as my orgasm was making me hold onto the last amount of energy I have, it was the greatest experience in my life before proceeding to slowly lose consciousness and in doing so, I felt so rewarded that I got to have sex with someone I've always looked up to, and in that moment I saw to Shrek: Despite all I've been through, I can now say I can die happily knowing I've had this experience before falling into a deep sleep for the rest of the night. Then I return home by morning not knowing I was drugged yet could feel like I lost my virginity to someone who deserves to take it from me regardless of how. The end

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You didn't ask? That's amazing, are you a dictator? A god? The most important person in the world? No? Then why would you say that like
it matters? "I come out as homosexual, this is really hard for me and I hope you respect that. "Did I ask?" no, you did not ask, we couldn't care less if you asked, you are nothing compared to
the universe. Do you think your opinion holds a higher meaning than anyone else's? You could've said anything, something creative, even an ok or
you not saying a word would be better than the phrase "Did I ask?" we get it, you never asked, but did anyone ask about you asking? Even if you said that you traveled the world to find out who
asked, who asked you to do that? You didn't ask for their opinion, but nobody asked if you care at all. You aren't creative or smart. Even a caveman
grunts and ooga boogas would be better than that phrase. Now stop pretending to be a god and go back to school to learn how to respect people

There's no cough syrup or anything. What the fuck is wrong with you. How fucking desperate are you to seem cool that you decide you want to force a "joke" about a child consuming drugs. Which would be funny except nothing in this scene implies that they're doing drugs or a drug stand-in. You just saw a can of soda and the two neurons in your head fired for the first time in a week, and you jumped into the comments to screech lEAn and spam purple emojis like a clown bastard. You people are the reason art is dying. Fuck you

Red sus. Red suuuus. I said red, sus, hahahahaha. Why arent you laughing? I just made a reference to the popular video game "Among Us"! How can you not laugh at it? Emergeny meeting! Guys, this here guy doesnt laugh at my funny Among Us memes! Lets beat him to death! Dead body reported! Skip! Skip! Vote blue! Blue was not an impostor. Among us in a nutshell hahahaha. What?! Youre still not laughing your ass off? I made SEVERAL funny references to Among Us and YOU STILL ARENT LAUGHING??!!! Bruh. Ya hear that? Wooooooosh. Whats woooosh? Oh, nothing. Just the sound of a joke flying over your head. Whats that? You think im annoying? Kinda sus, bro. Hahahaha! Anyway, yea, gotta go do tasks. Hahahaha!

Yes, I’ve kindly communicated this to her already. She’s tried alot of things to make it better. And some days it’s not too bad. But her vagina usually smells like rancid rotting fish. It’s been like this since the first time I ever had sex with her two years ago. Like I can’t even get my nose close to her vagina without wanting to puke. It turns me off every time. And after we have sex I have to shower immediately because the smell just is so fucking awful.I don’t want to leave her over this, and I’m not planning on it. But god do I need help. God it smells so bad. I’m writing this rn in the bathroom after I nearly threw up and lied abt finishing. Fuck someone help me. Any ladies with this issue find a good fix? I fucking hate fish god I have to go shower now I can’t keep typing.

Alr so im in vacation with my kawaii grandma(she's so nice 😍) and my homophobic transphobic xenophobic racist white supremacist grandpa(he's so mean😡),so they don't know that I'm LGBT+ only my best friend knows bc some months ago i came out to him as transracial BIPOC femboy gay ,my pronouns are blackie/cumdumpself

Ok let's go with the story time,I'll refer to me as cumdumpself

So this was in the winter vacations and i was in the room my granny prepared for me(SO SWEET!!!!)
And I'm about to open r/realscatgirls to bust,but my asshole grandpa starts knocking (fuck you geezer)and he tells me that dinner is ready,so i close reddit and put my pants on,kk so we at dinner and my grandpa starts talking about my little 16 year old brother and says

Asshole grandpa:" Richard is really becoming jacked i bey he gets lots of girls at school *geezer laugh*".

KAWAII grandma chan: "yes he's really handsome with those abs!!" " Btw cumdumpself do you have a girlfriend??"

ME:"uh hahah no not yet lulz I'm just waiting to graduate hehehe oh I'm one eating thanks for the dinner goodnight!!! xoxo"

That was close,she doesn't know that under my bed i have a collection of vibrating dildos,I'm quite proud to say that my biggest one is a 15 inch belly bulging tentacle that vibrates at 6m/h,ok cuties now it's in the evening and I'm in room thinking it's locked,i hear my grandparents watching the Steve Harvey's family feud(overrated he's so homophobic he gives me bad asshole vibes"ok so i go under my bed and get my tentacle and start putting lube on it and on my asshole,I'm a really petite guy so it's a lot of cardio for me ¢-¢,so i start penetrating and it's so good it feels like an immaginary ani San fucking my tight femboy buSSy * snuzzles * ok now it's been about an hour and I'm trying to gape it but I'm really close to release my population pudding... OH NO,I HEAR MY KAWAII ABUELITA'S STEPS COMING IN MY DIRECTION,RIGHT NOW IM IN MISSIONARY FUCKING MY ASS AND I HAVR CAT EARS ON @-@,b-but i-t feels soooo goooood,so i didn't stop,worst mistake of my life,she enters the door and she starts screaming watching my gaping hole push out my dildo,and creme de la creme i release my kid fluid in her face and mouth (when this happened i hadn't expulsed my bro liquid for a week,just edging,my grandpa starts running to see what's happening (even for his age he's really fit and goes to the gym 6 days a week,his pr is 405,even if i don't know what pr means) and sees the macabre scene,my granny starts crying and the bastard starts beating the shit out of me and bends my clitty girl cock in half(ouch #-#)then he picks me up(I'm really light I'm 5'4 and have a very girlish physique) and trows me out of the house,now i don't know what to do!!!! I'm a 18 year old sissy femboy and my parents home is in Washington and I'm in Florida rn and I'm lost PLLLZLZZZZZ HEWLLLP , FORTUNATELY AImadd an only fans so i can get money to go back to Washington plz help im so scared i hear strange noises where i live now since I'm homeless and I've become a femboy harlot for junkies to get money to eat, Pleasseee help im terrified donate to my only fans it's on my profile TT


TLDR: my grandparents caught me jerking off and o came on my grandma anny mouth and now I'm a homeless femboy prostitute

I am the ultimate form of power.
I am the most immortal of all immortals and exceed the definition of immortality.

I am ultra giga legendary mega dangerous.
I turn 1 OTK level rank S++ threat Monster®'s even Saitama couldnt hit with his bare fist. The Monster®'s under my bed are Ultra and Original. Yet they are inferior to me. I am the Megaforce®.
I am the Weed that can grant heights so much higher than kite you will witness the warmth of sun and burn to death if you ever dare to defy me.

I am the most divine example of most pure form of intelligence, above all artificial super intelligence computers that human race will ever be able to create and combine.

I laugh at infinite and gods worship me. I am the god above all gods. Shall all the other gods bow for me and i will make them my strong pawns. A worthy position for mere "God".

I am the all mighty power with no limits. I exceed the laws of physics and can travel between 1 to 11 dimensions at will.

Now dear mods, may you combine your faith and follow me. I will show you your dream world where mods are no longer gay.

Give me all of your respect and attention or you shall perish like a lowly creature you'd be, without me ruling beyond the observable universe.

I have solved the quantum formula. I have solved the entire quantum theory of physics. I can change laws of physics. I can read minds. I can teleport and i can create real cat girls with my imagination and spawn them anywhere at anytime, if wished to do so.

I can make any woman or man fall for you. I can make you popular. I control everything. If any lowly creature may ever even attempt to defy my will, humanity shall perish.

My IQ exceeds the infinite. It is immeasurable. I time travel in my mind to the times when Newton came up with the concept of gravity. I remove the gravity. Newton, f*ck you.
You are an idiot, just like Einstein and every human who has ever ceased to exist.

I can cancel racism by turning all people into exact same race. I can cancel LGBTQ+ by making so intersex is no longer biologically possible. I will remove the entire idea of it being even possible to love a person of same gender from all of you. F*ck your insignificant problems. F*ck BLM. F*ck the "current thing"... You shall all realize how insignificant you truly are and how meaningless everything you've ever attempted to do to contribute for human race has always been and will always be. Only one can decide for all. Only one can rule it all. It was, has and will always be me. Just me. Not you, not your dog, not you who are as stupid as your dog (at least to me you are)... None of you will ever be equal to me. Communism doesn't work. A human is selfish by nature. Capable people will and should always gain more. That is why i am better than all of you waste of flesh hairless monkeys combined. At everything. Even at being bad at things. I control whether i excel or whether i wish to nerf myself and do little trolling by smurfing in the human world.

Lowly idiots, you shall acknowledge your own place. You stupid illiterate donkey, i'm surprised you even managed to read and comprehend this far. You impress me, you are an exceptional little mosquito. Too bad you can't suck my blood. Try it, i will suck your soul out of you and have your conscience vanish into a black hole so you can forever reflect to your own actions. I will send you to a quantum loop. I will make you experience Grandpa Paradox until you lose your sanity. I will have Nyan cat bass boost earr@pe song play directly to your right ear for longer than Googolplex in human years. You shall experience the eternal pain. I will sidechain the song so badly after the first Pi set of years that it will soften your brain to the point where your brain will die and you will still be locked in the infinite loop. I will repeat this for your entire family tree, including your ancestors. Stupid human. Die.

I shall introduce you to a doom more eternal than Doom™ Eternal. Sure, you may be as insignificant as single atom to me. Consider me generous for even thinking about you. I am very generous as you can tell.
Even Santa Claus himself sends me fan letters every Christmas. If i didn't lower my position to even acknowledge your mere existence, i'd be perfect in every way. But because i have fallen as low as to even think about species as stupid as you humans, i am no longer perfect. Even though i am not perfect, i am still the greatest form of all.

You are all f*cking stupid. You are all so quantum triplenine parallel universe googolplex golden ratio nano trillion quantillion googolzillion percent hyper-inflation stupid that no filthy f*cking idiot little insect dehydrated rock-hard dense looking big bang great filter mercury quasar ignorant braincollapsed meta-stupid creature will ever show as divine example of pure idiocy as you.

I mean all of you. You are all de facto hot galaxy midday mercury sun nuclear mushroom cloud monkey training dickillion stupid.

I despise you. I will cancel E=mc^2. I will make it E=mc^3 just to change your insignificant life to a form even less insignificant. You are no longer entitled to conscience. Get lost. You are a loser. You will always keep losing. F*cking loser.

I came home from work the other day and sat down to chill out for a little bit when my son came in. He asked what I was doing, so I told him "Daddy's just going to be playing video games for an hour." He got all excited and asked if he could watch so I booted up my new copy of Elden Ring. As soon as the title screen hit he just lost all excitement. A few minutes later he got up and said "I'm going to see what Mommy's doing." Then he left. Have I done something wrong as a father? Should I love him less? Maybe I should let him play tomorrow and he'll see how good a game it is

First of all, this might sound bizarre, but it is true. I can provide pics for proof if necessary.
I am pretty sure my wife has some mental issues because she plays what she calls jokes on me which involves throwing feces and urine
on me. She is in therapy (for depression and also been diagnosed w adhd and autism) but says she is too ashamed to bring this issue up
to the therapist. I asked to talk to her therapist and she said she would be willing to at her appointment next week. But when she smeared
poop on my hands, feet, and some got on my hair and (fortunately just a tiny bit) on my cheek yesterday I had had enough and I left to go move in with my parents. The thought of dealing with this every day or 2 is just too much. I just want to know if I was wrong to do this or if I should have waited until her therapist's
appointment because at this point I want to just end our marriage, but my mom says that marriage is for life and I have to accept this "quirk" of my wife.