So I was there absolutely obliterating my asshole tired as
fuck because because I had been doing this shit for an
hour. And my mum fucking body slammed through the
door to see me shit out my 24 inch green based ribbed
hulk dildo with 626 vibration modes and I accidentally
exposed my gaping fucking black hole of an ass hole.
I was scared as she barged towards me and her head
accidentally slid into my massive gaping raccoon sized
ass hole. What do?

He’s only 8…

I can't fucking take it with you "🤓" users, I honestly hope you throw yourself off the ruins of the twin towers and wake up crippled in the fucking hospital. You sick fucks have ruined my life. I can't go to work anymore because of you sick asylum escapee sons of bitches. I wake up, every fucking day and see "🤓" on all my screens. It's tearing me apart from the inside out. I want to throw myself into a horse race and get pummeled to death, I can't stand seeing that face anymore. I've had it with you. I hope you get ratioed so hard you turn into pixie dust.


\- original by [ChaoticPotato](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCxMbZcnY7xmB9uhAXY2mOaQ).

Imagine if every sundaymillions of people
Went out to volunteer rather than go to church
Imagine if all the money and funding used to build massive churches went to the homeless and underprivileged people we cold solve almost any imaginable problem on earth if people didnt spend billion of dollars preaching about something that's ether false or unprovable it genuinely make me sad and oh and top it all of its disrespectful to even question religion

So I(m18) had sex with my gf(f19) yesterday. It was an amazing experience and after that my whole life changed. I am suddenly 20 pounds lighter and have a six pack. I have big biceps and muscular thighs. My penis has enlarged by 7 inches. I got straight A's on all my tests and I somehow have a billion dollars in my account. All the women in a 5 mile radius are showing up at my doorstep begging for me to give them my seed. My parents have made up and now live together again. My gf is prettier and has a bigger ass and juicier tits. I have become a soccer god with Ronaldo trailing far behind. I have 1000 vbucks more in my Fortnite account and I have been elected as President of The United States. I am now the peak of human performance. Also, sex with hookers doesn't count.

So, it's been a month since I started dating my crush. We hold hands every Sunday. But this time, I held her hand a bit more passionately and a week later she started having headaches and started puking. At first I thought she was just sick, but when it continued for a while, I started fearing the worst. I told her to get a pregnancy test. She took it and the result was positive. We were both shocked. I'm not ready to be a father. What do I do? I knew there was a risk of pregnancy when I held her hand, but I never expected it to happen. Don't hold hand, kids

My boyfriend and I just had (in my opinion) mind blowing, amazing sex and he pulled out just before he came. He said he was just happy to get me off, but now he's in his man cave masturbaring to a girl he met online. I'm feeling like crap now, buy should I care?

If you took all the time I've spent playing games that were more challenging than say the average college course (many of them are), then I would have about 4 PhDs. I've built virtual space ships from the rudimentary control systems all the way up to a Starship Yamato replica with functioning wave motion gun. I've beaten every conceivable great military mind in history including Mars the God of War. I've formed 100+ teams of players on various gaming platforms and maintained a stable and beneficial social system. I've micromanaged Galactic Empires.

While none of those skills have much use beyond their game related origin, the work is there. The lessons, the experience. So ya.

Someone should start a Gaming University that issues virtual degrees based on achievement.

My (22M) girlfriend (23F) gave birth to our daughter yesterday.

The baby was ugly, to be perfectly candid. She’s mine, and I love her, but she was NOT a pretty baby.

My girlfriend and I were casually chatting before bed and I brought this up, telling her our daughter wasn’t exactly easy on the eyes.

She was upset, which I find odd. I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings, I was just telling her how I felt about our kid.

Truth be told, the baby is interracial (half Han Chinese, half Punjabi), so it was always a possibility that a potential child would be kinda goofy looking. I don’t think she had to be offended. Not every child can be cute.

My girlfriend hasn’t spoken to me since, however, and I don’t know what to do.

AITA?

It seems to me that the human race is participating in a grand experiment, that of removing biologically adapted niches. To be clear, I mean the erosion of what makes each race necessarily dominant in their environment. That is the end result of diversity, essentially, what we are doing is evening out the distribution of genetics, such that it can be focused back down into adaptations which suit the ends of the rulers. A neo-feudalism, if you will. If you spy this image a little bit, we see that the European and Asian populations are much less diverse, as a result of higher evolutionary pressures selecting for tighter and tighter niches. Such as the need for a brain capacity sufficient to solve problems quickly in the Europeans, like stocking up and preparing for colder months.
By doing this, we dilute what makes Europeans special, then once the genetic material in the human race is evenly distributed, they select for particular behaviors: subservience, stupidity..etc etc. This will create the ultimate slave race to exploit, and perhaps might expose weird and useful genetic combinations to copy.

Hey guys, new to the subreddit but a friend of mine told me to share my story.

Anyway, my family was having plumbing issues, so my Mother's boyfriend and his brother ended up ripping up the toilet one day, exposing the drainage pipe underneath. They had to leave for a while to go get some more tools, so for the time being the bathroom was empty, with just the pipe sticking out of the ground.

Lo and behold, I really need to go to the bathroom while they are gone. I have a few bathrooms in the house, but they are usually occupied, and this one was the closest, so I felt like I had to figure something out. I closed the door, and just positioned myself over the pipe, and took a shit, clean and simple. The pipe is quite wide, so I was able to position well over it, not making a mess anywhere else. I clean myself up, use the shower to clean my privates, and exit the bathroom. My little brother comes into the picture here, and sees I used the pipe while the boyfriend is crew is gone. He doesn't mention it to me, but in the coming hours my Mom's boyfriend and his brother are banging on my door, screaming at me. They had apparently had to do some kind of plunging, and a massive amount of sewer and shit came back up the pipe, all over their faces. After seeing this, my little brother informed them I had shit down the pipe, despite the fact there was absolutely zero evidence of this remaining. I cleaned the pipe perfectly, and made sure everything looked exactly as they had left it.

I stuck to my guns and told them I had to seriously go, and didn't know it would come back up the pipe under any condition. Am I actually the asshole for just using the toilet?!

This is such a bullshit comment and why the game
As a whole is broken. I’ll tell you why I get mad playing QP it’s because no one gives a shit and this community just perpetuates that attitude ( turn off chat, ignore the rest of the players, just have fun and do what you want, blah blah blah). OW is a 6v6 team game and I get pissed when I’m in quick play to try and improve my game play, but 90% of the QP games I’m with a bunch of randos who don’t function as a team. It’s like everyone is just playing DPS but with support and tank heroes. It’s bullshit when people don’t play their role and it affects the entire team.
I was in a game yesterday where myself on tank and another player on DPS kept dying because the Mercy was not healing anyone. We were on mic asking for healer but nothing. We ended up losing the game and at the end the Mercy player got their card for 10 player kill streak. So you tell me if it’s fun for you to keep dying because your teammates aren’t playing their role. Cuz it isn’t fun for me. As a tank main I can’t do what I’m supposed to do without support - I’m constantly getting 3v1ed or 4v1ed and Dva’s matrix only does so much. I’m usually the last one standing on my team after engagement in fight and end up facing down all 6 opposing players in baby Dva form. It’s just a matter in time before I die. I’m always helping the team but very rarely do I get much help in return. Most of the time they are standing too far back and afraid to engage in the fight and I have to charge in to try and make some kind of forward progress and hope they take advantage of the space I’m creating for the team - usually they just dick around and die or lose the objective after I capture it. That crap gets old fast and makes the game not fun for me. Sad part I’ve only been playing for about 5 weeks and I’m already wanting to quit playing OW. So yeah that’s why I get mad in QP because someone else makes it not fun for the rest of the team and telling me to chill is a bullshit cop out.

Bleachbunny - "The life of a Twi'lek is never easy, especially as a woman! I had to see the men of my species sold as cheap labor, while my fellow women and I were all captured and sold as dancers or....worse. I learned very quickly that my life was made far easier if I just submitted and accepted the truth of my reality. Being a Twi'lek woman, I was made to serve the Empire! It was in my nature, that of being born a woman in a member of the Twi'lek slave race, I have a duty to devote myself to the pleasure and satisfaction of the superior human men that made up the Empire. It does not matter if I agree or not, my only purpose in life is to worship the cocks of human men! Long live the Empire and glory to humankind!"

Anon - "You have wayyyy to much free time in your life my friend"

Bleachbunny - "\^ @ anon - Actually bud I wrote that couple sentence delightfully naughty (and truthfully honest) little paragraph up while I was sitting in the back of an Uber, on the way back home from the airport after volunteering a week of my "free time" to help the people in Kentucky who got blasted with that horrible tornado. Some of us on here are actual real people, who contribute, give back to others, and maybe bring a benefit to R34 and society as a whole, rather than being bottom-feeding leaches who rot in their parent's basement. Yaaa gone!"

Esc F1 F2 F3 F4 F5 F6 F7 F8 F9 F10 F11 F12 PrintScreen/SysRq ScrollLock Pause/Break \~ \` 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0 ! @ # $ % \^ & \* ( ) - = \_ + Backspace Tab q w e r t y u i o p Q W E R T Y U I O P \[ \] \\ { } | CapsLock a s d f g h j k l A S D F G H J K L ; ' Enter : " Left hift z x c v b n m Z X C V B N M , . / < > ? RightShift LeftCtrl LeftWindows LeftAlt Space RightAlt RightWindows Somebuttonsthatnooneuses RightCtrl Insert Home PageUp Delete End PageDown LeftArrow RightArrow UpArrow DownArrow Num Lock

This is my dick! There are many like it, but this one is mine!

My dick is my best friend! It is my life! I must master it as I must master my life!

Without me, my dick is useless! Without my dick, I am useless! I must fire my dick! I must shoot straighter than my enemy, who is trying to cum on me! I will...

My dick and I know that what counts in sex is not the rounds we fire, the noise of our bursts, nor the cum we make! We know that it is the hits that count! We will hit...

My dick is human, even as I am human, because it is my life! Thus I will learn it as a brother! I will learn it's weaknesses, it's strength, it's accessories, it's sights and it's barrel! I will keep my dick clean and ready, even as I am clean and ready! We will become part of each other! We will...

Before God, I swear this creed! Me and my dick are the defenders of my country! We are the masters of our enemy! We are the saviours of my life...

So be it, until victory is America's and there is no enemy, but peace...

There’s no cough syrup or anything. What the fuck is wrong with you. How fucking desperate are you to seem cool that you decide you want to force a “joke” about a child consuming drugs. Which would be funny except nothing in the scene, much less this screenshot, implies they’re doing drugs or a stand-in. You just saw a can of soda and the two neurons in your head fired for the first time in a week, and you jumped into the comments to screech lEAn and spam purple emojis like a clown bastard. You people are the reason art is dying. Fuck you.

Alright so for context, I'm 21F and have lived in my own apartment for a little over 4 months now. I see my parents maybe every couple of months or so. Well, my job has fucked me over and after applying to over 40 places, I've finally got 2 interviews this Monday. I won't have to go to an Urban Mission or ask my friends for leftover food they have anymore. Anyway, getting to the context of the title, my mother went out of her way to get me some groceries. Quite a few things!

So I got 3 gallons of water in my arms, and she's got the 2 paper bags full of all the other stuff. I open my door with my key fob and we drop off the bags and gallons. My mom has some *bladder issues* so she just goes into my bathroom with absolutely no telling me at all and does her business. I tell her wait a sec, just as she's about to sit down, I have to clean up some stuff in here; stuff being the Rabbit dildo hybrid sitting in my shower from hours before with the shower curtain wide open.

She looked at me quizzically, my bathroom was clean, what would I need to take care of? Then she saw it. The glittery rabbit dildo hybrid in all it's glory just sitting pretty on my shelf in the shower. I wanted to sink into the floor then and there. She smirked and just said "not my business, it's your house."

Thanks, mom.

TLDR; Don't have the mindset of "I'll put it away later" You'll humiliate yourself.

was in the 5th grade that day. It was a national day and they gave chocolate to everyone in the school. After eating the chocolates, we started to get thirsty and drink our water. Our teacher saw us and said, "If you drink too much water after eating chocolate, you will get diarrhea. Hahaha". So I took this seriously and didn't drink water after eating chocolate for 10 years.

10 years after, today I ate chocolate and, as usual, I decided to wait a while before drinking water. But this time it was different. This time my brain questioned this information for the first time. I googled that and there was no such thing. And I realized everything. I felt like my whole life was built on a lie. I was ashamed of myself.
It was just a poop joke.

TL;DR: I did not drink water after eating chocolate for 10 years because I took a poop joke seriously.

Basically it's like math. If you've taken math class all your life and excel at it you're going to seek harder classes to remain stimulated. This game is basically advanced course gaming for those who don't feel mentally stimulated like we used to. It's hard and confusing because we are able to handle it. You don't throw a third grader in trig and you don't throw a less avid gamer into this.

# Minecraft should add poop and I’m 100% serious

Minecraft needs poop and I’m 100% serious about that. While it might seem like the childish idea said many times before, this idea doesn’t over look the major implications that adding poop to Minecraft would cause. I have thought deeply about this… about poop… and I have come to respect it. With that said, please, let me explain why Minecraft needs poop.

Poop… such a vile substance. A disgusting dump that not only produces a scent so fowl that loved ones will keep a safe distance. But also the great attractor of infection that rots all it touches, even those that produce it….or who consumes it….

But Mother Nature, who’s so loving and kind, doesn’t let us fall victim to the rotten nature of poop. It’s why Minecraft tries it’s best to teach us the importance Mother Nature has on our health and survival. But mojang doesn’t get it. Minecraft doesn’t truly respect Mother Nature because if it did, it would have poop.

Now here’s my idea. Make it so that animals poop and all mobs try to avoid standing in poop. Standing on poop for too long causes a poopy effect that can only be cured by jumping in water or drinking water. mobs affected by this poopy effect will try to locate water nearby to cure themselves and no longer drop consumables (at least ones beneficial to the players health or hunger) Peaceful mobs will run away from others infected with this poopy effect. The Poop block will naturally disappear overtime, and can’t be placed intop itself and can wash away from rain and can be harvested by the player and used as compost. Whether the player can poop or not is irrelevant.

This simple change brings forth an era of ethical livestock farming conditions. It requires thought about the number of cattle you have and the space you need. It’s a balancing act. If you make the farm space too small then your livestock will become rotten like the poop they stand in. Their baby cattle will avoid their parents from the stench, thus never maturing. If no water is nearby for the mob to cure itself, it becomes useless to the player as it no longer drops consumables to benefit the player. Poop is the ultimate equalizer. It solves the issues of not only unethical farming, but also farm exploiting. But because water cures the poopy effect, farms can still be relatively small but still requires active thought on size and number of cattle. For the first time, these players with their farming machines that practically make them a god, are knocked down to mortals… all because… of poop.

All this time, poop has been the key.

**RespectPoopMinecraft**