I couldn’t believe my eyes when I read that. I couldn’t control my shock. I couldn’t stop the tears from running out of my eyes. I couldn’t help but smile and laugh. I couldn’t help but sob into my pillow while hugging my cat after reading that. I couldn’t stop shitting my pants so loudly as a result of what a read. I couldn’t help but commit tax fraud out of peer excitement of this news. I couldn’t thank you more for bringing this information into my life.

my trinkets, gaubles and spoils, oh lovely! I'll be taking that. Yes this be a good riddle. Tonight be the nights of foolery

The Plans For The Thug Nation

We will control everything and sissify white men to be slaves to black gay thugs with big dick... But we must come up with plans .

Plan A: "The Traumatization Trick"
After Ukraine And Russia has finished their worthless war, we predict a few thugboreans will arise from the pyramids of Egypt, No one will know about this, only the thugs will know about them. We shall ask for support from the thugboreans, we will ask them to display brutal thug porn to every white person on planet earth.. They will be so traumatized that they will think gay niggas are Gods, and we WILL be gods and all the white crackers will bow down to us and suck our big black dicks..

Plan B: "Race War"
If the thugboreans do not arise as we predicted, we shall use The BLM community to fight against these crackers, first we will disguise as protestors begging for the war in Ukraine to end.. while the government is distracted, another thug battalion will take over the white house, the protestor thugs will invade the capitol too when ordered, but unlike those white conservatives, WE will burn that CAPITOL, instead of wandering around. We will rename the white house into The Fuck House, all the whites will be mad and they will attack us, but we still have forces from the pure African continent. They shall deploy all black gay thugs and all the whites will turn into sissies because they will be scared of the Mighty Big Black Dicks the thugs have, once America has been colonized, we will go all out on every country, and hope the thugborean gods will bless us through this journey.

@everyone
Please DO NOT announce to the server when you are going to masturbate.
This has been a reoccurring issue, and I'm not sure why some people have such under-developed social skills that they think that a server full of mostly male strangers would need to know that.
No one is going to be impressed and give you a high-five (especially considering where that hand has been). I don't want to add this to the rules, since it would be embarrassing for new users to see that we have a problem with this, but it is going to be enforced as a rule from now on.


If it occurs, you will be warned, then additional occurrences will be dealt with at the discretion of the mods. Thanks.

If you have ever read any of the reviews for Haribo Sugar Free Gummy Bears on Amazon, they can be quite amusing whilst being the harbinger of warning against eating them. Well...as I found out this morning, It isn't just Haribo brand. I popped into the Lulling Buc-Ee's on my way back to Boerne and thought their Sugar Free Gummy Bears, from the fabled Wall of Candy,would make a fine and dandy road snack........little did I know the world of hell I was about to enter. The rumbling began about 15 miles from my home....by the 5 mile mark I was clenching hard enough that I may have pulled the upholstery off of my truck seat. I hit my front door at a full run whilst leaping over three excited Golden Retrievers....then it was into the chamber of horrors. The relief, though instantaneous, was short lived...yet the odors emitting from the room literally made my Wife cry and leave this half of the house. I've been back and forth now for the last 6 hours, Imodium barely phased this and now, with everything including my soul having left my body, I sit here on the floor of my bathroom, a destroyed and hollow shell of the man I used to be. I am left with a series of repeatedly painful cramping tremors that may indicate I'm in labor. I pray that this will eventually end. Be Afraid....Be Very Very Afraid. These are not something to be taken lightly. Lean from my misery and avoid this nightmare.

Very funny and indeed complex day. Thankful to be blessed with another "Planet rotation" to live. Tis' day shall be thy one of in the year, and new of the week. Merry Solar planet rotation. My absolute, polite greetings to you, fellow humanoid from this beautiful planet from this thing called "Earth" which is inside the Milky Way, inside the vast galaxy, endless possibilities.

Schrodinger's Blowjob -- Imagine you're blindfolded and you're getting the best raw pornstar-grade blowjob in the entire universe. The catch is, however, that you'll never figure out who's giving you that god-tier awesome schmosome sloppy toppy unless you take the blindfold off. It could be anybody, Ariana Grande, Ben Shapiro, Harold from the 7-11 near my house, or even your uncle's neighbour's fireman's cat. Now the question is: would you take off the blindfold and find out who the person/thing behind the stupendous jimmy-nibbler is and risk permanently scarring yourself, or would you keep the blindfold on and continue having your knob slobbed till your spirit hits the sky?

ya right im buff as fuck an tatted up i made chicks squirt just by haveing them watch me flex my biceps when I get to jackin its slow at first then i get to grunting my low masculine voice just melts womens brains they be screaming in ecstasy as i sensually slip it in then slowly and gradually gaining speed and intensity till we’re in full on pound town then flip em over and slide it into that nasty butt slap that ass make it clap jiggle a fart out an make her squirt some more then finally i rip my massive cock out and blow my load all over that bubble butt…

Science says, according to science, experts say it has been scientifically proven that according to research, experts say that research shows, scientists have scientifically proven that researched datas proves, scientists found, according to their findings backup up by science, says, I am right. -Research says


[https://slowtowrite.com/facts-dont-care-about-your-feelings/](https://slowtowrite.com/facts-dont-care-about-your-feelings/)

What you think you’re pretty? You’re so confident about yourself “Im so pretty, im the prettiest girl on tiktok” No. You’re black, Ugly, Ni\*\*er, Piece of shit, Stranger, Asshole, Dumb asshole, Shitface Die of cancer and I can’t wait until the day you die cause you have to corona virus, Ok? And im done im not gonna talk to you no more, im gonna block you right now because i dont talk to little shits and don’t talk to whores.

ITS A STUPID COUNTRY. WHATS EVEN THERE. SOME FUCKING JESUS STATUE???????????? SLUMS?????? POVERTY?????????????? the best thing about brazil is the thicc booty latinx they/them people with neferious head game. eowowowowowowoowowwoowow got me hard just thinking about it

Growing up seeing my grandpa watching Discovery channel everyday, I developed a dream to once be sex with gorilla one day or gorillas😜. Why?🤔 Because gorillas look so buffed, and their fucking hairy! I would want one to just choke me and totally destroy my asshole😮and sheesh even better if i could get gang raped and they would totally grip my body and intestine apart and sex with it🥵. And I would fuck a female gorilla because a femlae gorilla is still is buffed and It will release a sexy deep loud moan😍 not like stupid human female who make stupid high pitch moan😒💢. So yeah I would really like to be raped by Gorillas or rape one hAHAHAHAHh It would be super duper hottie sexy! Imagine a big huge gorilla nutting into your ass!1!

PLEASE do not use the B word around me. “What’s the b word?”, it’s bl*ck (a). NO I am NOT racist. My step mom is the b word and says the n word around me. The n word was a severe trigger for me ever since the 4th grade when I saw my white friends beat my other white friend calling her racial slurs.

Am I the b word? No. I’m white. Again, i am NOT racist. However if you are the b word please unfollow me or I’ll have to soft block. Interact with me further then it’s a hard block.

However to my mutuals you can use the variations of the n and b word. Just do not use EITHER WORD or ELSE.

Examples include:

Niggly Wiggly (IT’S THE HERSHEY KISS PAPER STRING!)

Nigersaurus (Dinosaur with other 500 teeth)


please be respectful of my triggers and accept them as valid. or else i’ll have to block u.

I would like to take some time to address a rumor floating around the fleet. Some of you have come to believe that I. Like. War. I wish to dash these rumors. I do not like war. I. Love. War. Through my life, I have discovered so many forms of war. You get up in the morning, you get into your shitty car, and you see a rich CEO who works half as hard as you do drive down the street in his Porsche. Class war. You make it to work, and you find out that the annual drug test is today, and you just so happened to take a puff of your one-hitter a couple nights ago before dinner with your wife's awful parents. Drug war. But then, you find out that the only ones being called in for testing are your black and Hispanic co-workers. Race war. Then you try and post about it on your Facebook, but then all your friends start arguing about what's right and what's wrong. Flame war. You finally get home, and you decide to relax by watching a program about who gets the box? What's in the box? How much is what's in the box worth? Storage Wars. What I am telling you, my Nazi army of one thousand vampires, is that I am a purveyor of war. And with your help over the years, we are now at the precipice of our true goal. You see, I want a simple war. No class wars, no drug wars, no race wars, no flame wars, and CERTAINLY no cold wars! Blue-balled for forty years. What I want is a war that only we can bring. A true war. A German war. The sequel you've all been waiting for... I WANT WORLD WAR THREE!!!!!

So I’m (27M) petting my cat right, and he’s laying on my lap. He starts to purr and kneed. Okay, now listen. I get hard as a *rock*. I’ve never felt anything greater then the kneeding and purring in my entire life.

I used to be engaged with a 23F and when I brought this up to her she dumped me and called off our engagement. She didn’t tell me why. I think she thinks I’m gay.

Despite that though she let me keep the cat. Everytime i see him now i grow as hard as a brick remembering what he did to me. Not even my ex could top this.

So is this gay? How do I convince my ex to come back?? My cat is better but I’m not gay. She doesn’t have to be embarrassed that my cat is better than her in bed. A relationship doesn’t have to revolve around sex.

Am I gay, or is my ex jealous that my cat makes me feel good?

Schödinger's Blowjob -- Imagine you're blindfolded and you're getting the best raw pornstar-grade blowjob in the entire universe. The catch is, however, that you'll never figure out who's giving you that god-tier awesome schmösome sloppy toppy unless you take the blindfold off. It could be anybody, Ariana Grande, Ben Shapiro, Harold from the 7-11 near my house, or even your uncle's neighbour's fireman's cat. Now the question is: would you take off the blindfold and find out who the person/thing behind the stupendous jimmy-nibbler is and risk permanently scarring yourself, or would you keep the blindfold on and continue having your knob slobbed till your spirit hits the sky?

*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*

League is so toxic

My jungler called me an “omega fart” and I really took that into heart and even ended up crying. Why would anyone say such a thing? I’m NOT an “omega fart” I am a human being. What the fuck even is an “omega fart”? Fuck this game.

Is the mediumlaxative better or best? Let's see:

​

Hitler's Best (HB cigarettes)

Analsex better than none

Ash in Misty is better than the whole season

Putin's Best (Plum Bum=Lead)

​

So here you see it's not all cut and dry.

​

I propose we all should just use one word or the other, preferably "better", because there is never a "best" of anything if you reckon with eons.

​

Now spread the word, it's just better for everyone.

Here is one way to make your back pain seem less of a problem. Create another medical problem.

[The *Irish Medical Journal* included a case report](http://imj.ie/semenly-harmless-back-pain-an-unusual-presentation-of-a-subcutaneous-abscess/) of a 33-year-old male patient who was suffering from continuing severe lower back pain after lifting a heavy steel object. During the physical exam, his doctor noticed a red swollen area in the patient's right upper arm.

When the doctor questioned him about this area, the patient revealed that he was using an "innovative method to treat back pain," in the words of the case report authors. What exactly was this innovation? Injecting his own semen into his own veins. Yes, his semen. Yes, injecting. Yes, into his veins. Yes, exclamation mark.

Apparently, every month for 18 straight months, he had injected at least one “dose” of his semen, using a hypodermic needle purchased online. While hypodermic needles purchased online typically do not include the warning, "do not use to inject your own semen into your own veins," it is sort of implied. Most recently, he had given himself three semen “doses” into his veins and muscles.

​

It is not clear from the case report whether the patient ever had sex ed, but inside your arm is not where semen usually goes. Dictionary.com does define innovative as "introduce something new or different." So, yes, technically, this was an "innovative" treatment because, as the case report related, no medical doctor had told him to do this. However, "innovative" doesn't necessarily mean "it works" or "you should do it" or "this makes sense" or "you won't end up in the hospital if you do this."

According to the case report, the area on the patient's arm had become firm and hard after he had "failed multiple attempts at injecting the bodily fluid causing an extravasation of semen into the soft tissues." In other words, he kept missing his vein so that the semen had been leaking into the body tissue around the vein, causing a collection of fluid surrounded by angry inflammation. Indeed, inflammation can be your body's way of saying, "dude, what the heck are you doing?"

​

Lab tests found signs of, surprise, surprise, an infection. That's what tends to happen when you inject semen into your arm using a hypodermic needle purchased online. Therefore, the doctors started him on something that is more typically injected into the veins of your arm: intravenous antibiotics.

During the patient's hospital stay, his back pain did improve. Thus, in a very roundabout way, the semen injections did eventually lead to his back pain getting better. However, this by no means should suggest that injecting semen into your arm is proper treatment for back pain or anything else for that matter. Plus, it wasn't clear how permanent that improvement in his back pain was. The patient did eventually discharge himself from the hospital before getting all the proper treatments, such as a procedure to drain the fluid collection in his arm.

If this "semens" to you like a very unusual case, you are right. The case report authors couldn't find much info on human semen injections for back pain or any medical condition when they searched PubMed, EMBASE, Google Scholar, and the Internet. Note: be very careful when you search for such a combination of words on the Internet. All they really found was [a 1945 report of scientists injecting semen under the skins of female rats and rabbits](https://obgyn.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/pdf/10.1111/j.1471-0528.1945.tb07635.x). Yes, they could be innovative back in 1945.

In general, being innovative is easy. You just have to be one of the first or only people to do something. It looks like this 33-year old male patient may have fit that bill. By contrast, being innovative in a way that is actually beneficial is a lot more difficult. Needless to say (or needle-less to say), don't inject your semen into your arm, whether or not you miss your veins. As a general rule, just because you have something, doesn't mean that you should inject it into your or anyone else's arms.

I was 7 or 8 years old, and over time evolved into my current set of fetishes. It started with cement, when I became curious and interested in being encased in mud or stone. Occasionally I would try to make quicksand to fall into, but it never worked right. Eventually I stopped thinking about it, until got stuck in a mud pit when I was around 12. I was about to call for help when I realized the opportunity presented to me. Instead of trying to get out, I slid deeper, feeling the sticky dirt on my body. Then a bee flew by and I rocketed home. I decided that I did not like being dirty, but rather the slickness and fluid like entrapment. A few months later I believe that I was hitting some kind of maturity, as I spontaneously had an interest in woman like figures. This combined with my conclusions from mud and cement and led to an obsession with slime girls. The idea of a semiliquid in the shape of a woman astounded me, being enveloped in their fluids, tucked in tight. I did not understand what I felt, or why I was addicted. Sex Ed quickly solved this, and the monster girl encyclopedia wiki expanded my view of semi-liquids. Then I found something new. Instead of wallowing in the slime, have the slime wallow in you. I was interested in being covered and filled. Around 13-14 years old I gathered courage and audacity to use a garden hose to fill up my insides. This was the first time I came. I was surprised by the experience, and almost panicked, but I cleaned up and moved on. Still browsing mgew, slime girls were becoming old, and I began to explore other categories. Eventually I was attracted to most fur covered monsters at 15, which I first began wanking to. But I still sought envelopment in fluids. Then I met lamias. Specifically, predatory lamias. I was exposed to vore, and there was no turning back. The idea of being bathed in acids and slimy fluids while in a pulsating bag of flesh, though odd, sounded revolutionary. The fetish spread to other species, and by 16 my cement fetish had split into three; Slime, Vore, and inflation. From here my “being raised” by monster girls would also make me a furry, where I first reached acceptance at 17 years. Thanks for listening to my TED Talk.