I sucked on the clitoris of her thoughts, until she moaned prosperity. I gripped her from behind and slow grind my fully Erected sound mind against her childhood traumas until tears of healing started to fall. From behind I put my hand around her throat in the most passionate way and my lips on the tip of her ear, I whispered strip for me. She replied in a low tone, I'm already naked. I said no, remove your insecurities, remove your childhood pain, and your confusion. I want to touch you in places no man has ever touched you, I want you to open your mind for me. She turned around and straddled my divine knowledge. I griped her by her hair and pulled her head backwards until her neck was slightly arched and she moaned, I love you. I replied no , while thrusting my knowledge into the wetness of her mind. I need you to love you, that's the only true love that will ever matter. She climaxed, and climaxed again, ,and climaxed again until she stood up a renewed woman! I yelled out, all praises due to the most high! OP love you beautiful and I'm extra proud of you!!

My penis is too long. When I measured it just now, it was 40 cm long. According to my estimates, it’s growing at a rate of at least 2 cm per month.

I’m not too sure about its length when fully erect. Thanks to the lack of blood supply to my brain, I tend to faint before becoming fully erect.

Despite its impressive length, my penis is only as wide as one of those Crayolas back in elementary school.

Because of its flexibility from a ridiculous length-to-girth ratio, I am able to wrap it around my right thigh, much like a fire hose. It’s a surprisingly efficient method of penis-storage, though it does make sitting a problem.

Does anyone else have similar problems?

I sucked on the clitoris of her thoughts, until she moaned prosperity. I gripped her from behind and slow grind my fully Erected sound mind against her childhood traumas until tears of healing started to fall. From behind I put my hand around her throat in the most passionate way and my lips on the tip of her ear, I whispered strip for me. She replied in a low tone, I’m already naked. I said no, remove your insecurities, remove your childhood pain, and your confusion. I want to touch you in places no man has ever touched you, I want you to open your mind for me. She turned around and straddled my divine knowledge. I griped her by her hair and pulled her head backwards until her neck was slightly arched and she moaned, I love you. I replied no , while thrusting my knowledge into the wetness of her mind. I need you to love you, that’s the only true love that will ever matter. She climaxed, and climaxed again, and climaxed again until she stood up a renewed woman!

Hello Reddit! I (23 M Vegan) was invited to a Thanksgiving dinner by my family. Me, being the super cool nice guy I am, went! As soon as I entered, however, I noticed something wrong. There was turkey on the table. I refused to eat this disgusting turkey, obviously. My family started yelling insults at me, and that's when I snapped. I deep fried their dog, cummed soy sauce all over it (one of the many vegan perks is cumming soy sauce) and served it on a plate. They were horrified. So reddit, AITA?

My wife has a pair of those stiff, toadstool type tits that a fella can put his full weight on and hardly make a smush. It's fun game we play, seeing if there's a man strong enough to squish my wife's tits, to give them a proper honking they so achingly desire. We go around the bars in the greater Northeast Ohio area and challenge any burly boys and girth gals we see. Can you honk my wife's tits? I'll give ya $500 if you can honk my wife's tits by any means necessary. Of course, my wife, with her enormous breasts, does this little enticing shoulder shimmy that can arouse even coldest embers of desire. They give it a try, the all do. Ha! They're so confident at first but when the wrap their manhandling hams around my mammy's yams and feel no give whatsoever, haha, then we got 'em! The looks on their faces as their faces redden and their vascular forearms bulge with exertion. They can't do it! Then I remind them that they could try to honk these ponderous tater tots by any means necessary, and before long my wife is up against the wall taking shoulder barges or on the floor taking elbow drops, but nothing! The tryhards just bounce right off and walkaway with fractures in their bones and confusion in their boners (wide-ons for the ladies). Meanwhile, me and my wife laugh and laugh at the pathetic pack of would-be perverts. On the drive home from these bars, we have to pull over often because we can't stop laughing.

Infinite cum. You sit on the toilet to jack off, but you begin to cum uncontrollably. After ten spurts you start to worry. Your hand is sticky and it reeks of semen. You desperately shove your dick into a wad of toilet paper, but that only makes your balls hurt. The cum accelerates. It’s been three minutes. You can’t stop cumming. Your bathroom floor is covered in a thin layer of baby fluid. You try to cum into the shower drain but it builds up too fast. You try the toilet. The cum is too thick to be flushed. You lock the bathroom door to prevent the cum from escaping. The air grows hot and humid from the cum. The cum accelerates. You slip and fall in your own sperm. The cum is now six inches deep, almost as long as your still-erect semen hose. Sprawled on your back, you begin to cum all over the ceiling. Globs of the sticky white fluid begin to fall like raindrops, giving you a facial with your own cum. The cum accelerates. You struggle to stand as the force of the cum begins to propel you backwards as if you were on a bukkake themed slip-and-slide. Still on your knees, the cum is now at chin height. To avoid drowning you open the bathroom door. The deluge of man juice reminds you of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919, only with cum instead of molasses. The cum accelerates. It’s been two hours. Your children and wife scream in terror as their bodies are engulfed by the snow-white sludge. Your youngest child goes under, with viscous bubbles and muffled cries rising from the goop. You plead to God to end your suffering. The cum accelerates. You squeeze your dick to stop the cum, but it begins to leak out of your asshole instead. You let go. The force of the cum tears your urethra open, leaving only a gaping hole in your crotch that spews semen. Your body picks up speed as it slides backwards along the cum. You smash through the wall, hurtling into the sky at thirty miles an hour. From a bird’s eye view you see your house is completely white. Your neighbor calls the cops. The cum accelerates. As you continue to ascend, you spot police cars racing towards your house. The cops pull out their guns and take aim, but stray loads of cum hit them in the eyes, blinding them. The cum accelerates. You are now at an altitude of 1000 feet. The SWAT team arrives. Military helicopters circle you. Hundreds of bullets pierce your body at once, yet you stay conscious. Your testicles have now grown into a substitute brain. The cum accelerates. It has been two days. With your body now destroyed, the cum begins to spray in all directions. You break the sound barrier. The government deploys fighter jets to chase you down, but the impact of your cum sends one plane crashing to the ground. The government decides to let you leave the earth. You feel your gonads start to burn up as you reach the edges of the atmosphere. You narrowly miss the ISS, giving it a new white paint job as you fly past. Physicists struggle to calculate your erratic trajectory. The cum accelerates. The cum begins to gravitate towards itself, forming a comet trail of semen. Astronomers begin calling you the “Cummet.” You are stuck in space forever, stripped of your body and senses, forced to endure an eternity of cumshots. Eventually, you stop thinking.

Credit to u/grapeyardwithoutg

I’m curious about Eminem’s penis. It may sound Weird but hear me out when I say Something just doesn’t line up with this mans junk. In 2000 on the Marshall Mathers LP on the track “Bitch Please II” he opens his verse with “Aww, naww, big Slim Dogg. Eighty pound balls, dick six inch long” So we establish in the year 2000 his dick is six inches and his balls are 80 pounds. In the year 2018 though, on Kamikaze he says “Wait, got the eeriest feelin', somethin' evil is lurkin' I'm no conspiracy theorist but somethin' here is a foot.Oh yeah, it's my dick” so now we know his dick is a foot. So in 18 years his dick has doubled in size. Here’s where it gets weird. On his song “Big Weenie” in 2004 off of his album “Encore” he states “my weenie is much bigger than yours is Mine is like stickin' a banana between 2 oranges” the average size of a banana is around 7.5 inches. Meaning yes it grows. Now we’ve confirmed that it grew gradually and not instantly. What raises the concern about SlimShadys Genitals is his balls. The average weight of an apple is .33 pounds. So two balls relative to apples would be .66 pounds. In just 4 years Eminem’s balls shrunk to about 0.83% of the original weight but in 18 years his penis doubled in size. Growth and loss of weight aside, it’s so irregular I can’t help but ask “what is wrong with Eminem’s Balls?”

Growing up as a fat person teaches you to hate yourself. When you see my body type in the media it’s almost always treated as a tragic problem to be fixed, or it’s the butt of a cruel joke. But fatphobia is about more than just mean jokes or a simple dating preference. It’s an ideology that treats fat people as less than fully human—and that has real impacts on our health, our self-esteem and our lives.

Hatred toward fatness is deeply ingrained. The body-positive ideal is that we should all “love our bodies,” but that’s difficult to embrace when you’ve spent decades internalizing messages that your body is disgusting and wrong. Fatphobia is such a part of our culture that even finding the tools to begin unlearning it can be a challenge. People find different ways to do this—some read books or study history, others look at medical research, dance or cook. But for me, there is sex—wet, filthy, kinky sex where bellies slap and flesh wobbles in shameless ecstasy. Sex where my partners treat every flabby fold as an exquisite curve to caress. Sex filled with gleeful giggles as I watch my partner’s ass jiggle during a good spanking, and aftercare where bellies are kissed and groped and appreciated as a desirable part of the body. I love sex for the moments where we revel in intimacy and carnal joy free from awkwardness, anxiety and body image issues.

A few years ago, a partner of mine forever changed how I thought about my stretch marks: she stroked them and watched me squirm beneath her fingers. She told me that she loved them; that she loved seeing my response to her teasing the sensitive skin. That was the first time I realized that my fatness could be not only tolerated but actively desired as well. That moment began a long journey toward changing the way I thought about something that, until then, had brought me only shame. Ever since, sex and intimacy have played a huge part in reshaping my relationship with my body.

Of course the actual process of changing how you view your body is never going to be straightforward. As much as I wish that singular moment had “fixed” my body image, it takes time and practice to develop new patterns of thinking about yourself. Part of the difficulty is that it took a long time to work out what fat beauty could look like for me. Even where it hasn’t been co-opted by straight-sized and smaller fat people, the body positive movement is overwhelmingly focussed on cis women. In the gay community there are bears: big hairy men with rounds bellies and thick limbs—it’s a form of fat sexiness, but one inextricably linked to a queer masculinity that I cannot relate to myself. As a fat enby, I can admire and desire the people who embody these different beauty ideals, but I don’t see myself reflected in them. Like just about everything in this world, beauty standards end up tied to the gender binary, with enbies left to figure it out for themselves.

Instead of established role models of fat enby sexiness, we must make do with rare glimpses of queer beauty. I love the sexy fat queers that I have found online; when I started to change how I thought about my body, they represented perspectives and possibilities that I couldn’t yet imagine. They helped me feel less alone in navigating the overwhelming hatred that characterizes so many popular opinions on fatness.

One of the first places I found examples of fat sexuality was CrashPad, a queer indie porn studio based out of San Francisco with a focus on self expression. The day I first came across their archive of ethical smut was revolutionary. I saw queer people with bodies like mine being respected, desired and fucked in ways I’d never seen before. That was fat sex that was playful and intimate, filthy and joyful, and portrayals of queer sexuality that included fatness without being fetishistic. For the first time I saw people like me express sexual agency and be desired for who they are.

Perhaps a less obviously sexy fat icon of mine is Da’Shaun Harrison, a fat Black activist based in Atlanta. The impact they have is more through their intellect than explicit expressions of fat enby sexuality. Their brilliant writing focuses on the intersections of their experiences, and the way they express these identities is powerful. But more than that, they embody an absolute refusal to be ashamed of who they are. Seeing a version of non-binary fatness that is powerful, joyful and just happens to also be fucking hot is something I aspire to every day.

But as much as I treasure the positive representations I have found, there simply aren’t enough of us to form the culture and community I long for. Too few of us express this side of ourselves, and those who do are often chased away by the fatphobia perpetuated by our culture. Publicly expressing this side of ourselves as fat queer people leaves us exposed to the hatred of those who condemn us.

While I have struggled with a lack of community in the broader sense, my partners have obviously been an important part of my personal journey. When I’m feeling insecure about the way a dress clings to my body, they’re there to blush and tell me how good I look. When somebody yells at me in the street for daring to expose a few inches of belly, they’re there as I spiral down, to hold me and threaten terrible vengeance in my honour. I’ve also made a conscious effort to think about how I desire my fat lovers: plump asses I long to spread open and devour; thick, powerful thighs I dream of holding me in place as they use my mouth; and everywhere soft curves I yearn to cuddle. Thinking about how I find my fat partners attractive has helped me see how my own body could be attractive, too. Often we’re so much crueller to ourselves than we ever would be to others.

When talking about fat sex we also need to talk about the issue of fetishization. In some ways, it reflects the ideas explored in this article, challenging what is seen as desirable and reprogramming the way people think about bodies. But fetishization dehumanizes fat people, reducing us to objects—yes, objects of desire, but objects just the same. Not that being treated as a sex object is something I’m entirely opposed to, but when that’s the entirety of how someone sees you it’s degrading in all the wrong ways. Ultimately, fat fetishization is simply another form of fatphobia; obsession with and revulsion by fat bodies are two sides of the same coin. There’s a somewhat blurry line between the people who are attracted to me as a fat person and those who see me as a fat body they can project their own fantasies upon. To me, though, the difference is clear: it’s about being seen as attractive on my own terms. Finding ways to do this, to unlearn years of fatphobia and forge a new relationship with my body is often a struggle.

It can be difficult to adapt to a healthy body image when the dominant culture tells me that it’s right to hate this body. Loving my body isn’t always an achievable goal, but learning to live with it (and to forgive myself when I fall short) is one of the best things I’ve ever done. The work never ends and it’s fucked up that I have to constantly struggle against the society I live in to not hate my body. But if that’s the price to pay to feel comfortable in my skin, I’ll gladly make the trade.

This is god tier hate that parallels my absolute fucking hatred for Titanic. I loathe that film and everyone who had anything to do with it. Except Leonardo Dicaprio because he also did The Departed and Inception.

Titanic is a film about castration. All of it. There isn’t a single shot that isn’t in some way a metaphor for chopping off a mans penis. It revels in it while women around the world swoon over how much of a beautiful love story it is. It isn’t. Rose sinks a giant phallic shaped boat (which has 4 giant phallic shaped chimneys on it), cuckolds a guy, steals his precious jewel, takes his gun, vandalises a guys car with sex juices, and kills a poor Irish immigrant who just wanted a better life. I wouldn’t mind so much if she had done something with the jewel… like sell it and cure a disease… but no, she sits on it for 80 years and then tosses it into the sea having hitched a free helicopter ride. She’s a prick.

Edit: And how much time, money and energy did she waste by sitting on that jewel like a demented chicken!? She fucking knew they were looking for it the whole fucking time. And don’t even get me started on the whole “Don’t let go, Jack!” while she’s dunking his head in the freezing ocean. Poor guy didn’t even have a proper send off… she could have at least given him the life jacket… sexually assaulted by the upper class broad and tossed away like a used condom. “Oh yes, the woman in the picture is me.” Fuck off. Absolutely fuck right off.

Edit 2: Yeah I’m on a rant now. Who mentioned this fucking film? I’ve not even started on the Celine Dion bullshit… “My heart will go on.” Okay, good for you… you can still live because your heart is still beating… but you fucking killed 1400 people… and I guarantee… I absolutely guarantee that at least one of those people would’ve done something half decent with the money for that jewel. What did you do? What the actual fuck did you do!? “Near. Far. Wherever you are.” I’ll tell you where he his. At the bottom of the fucking sea where you left him. Absolute fucking prick.

Nobody fucks monkeys and people, you idiot. You either fuck monkeys or you fuck people. That’s it. There’s no in-between. You’re not gonna get monkey pussy on Tuesday… and then be like, ”Well, let me call Charlene,” on Thursday. No. Once you fuck a monkey, that’s a firm decision. "I’m out of the human pussy game for good". It’s ridiculous. They act like monkeys are just as open as… waiting for people to fuck them, man. Monkeys don’t wanna be fucked by people. Think about it. Think about how hard it would be to catch a monkey… and fuck it. That’s ridiculous. That’s how it had to go down. You think you’re going to walk up to him in the woods… and bribe this n i g g a with fruits and bananas? "Hey, buddy, hey. There you go, buddy, yeah. There you go, your big bright red ass. This big bright red booty". Do you know how strong a monkey is? It would rip your dick off like a celery stalk. Throw that shit in the tall grass, to never be seen again. ”Hey, dog, we’re gonna go to the club, pick up some girls, you trying to roll?” ”No, man, I’m cool. I’m gonna stay home, chill with my monkey. You know how long it took me to train this monkey… to suck my dick… without peeling it? Last night, Chimp-chimp jerked me off with his feet". "N i g g a, only a monkey can show you that kind of love and tenderness. So you all keep fucking these people if you want, n i g g a s. No, it’s monkey pussy for me. I’m hooking up with an orangutan next week. Cause all I fuck is chimps and orangutans.”

-Dave Chevelle.

This is god tier hate that parallels my absolute fucking hatred for Titanic. I loathe that film and everyone who had anything to do with it. Except Leonardo Dicaprio because he also did The Departed and Inception.

Titanic is a film about castration. All of it. There isn’t a single shot that isn’t in some way a metaphor for chopping off a mans penis. It revels in it while women around the world swoon over how much of a beautiful love story it is. It isn’t. Rose sinks a giant phallic shaped boat (which has 4 giant phallic shaped chimneys on it), cuckolds a guy, steals his precious jewel, takes his gun, vandalises a guys car with sex juices, and kills a poor Irish immigrant who just wanted a better life. I wouldn’t mind so much if she had done something with the jewel… like sell it and cure a disease… but no, she sits on it for 80 years and then tosses it into the sea having hitched a free helicopter ride. She’s a prick.

Edit: And how much time, money and energy did she waste by sitting on that jewel like a demented chicken!? She fucking knew they were looking for it the whole fucking time. And don’t even get me started on the whole “Don’t let go, Jack!” while she’s dunking his head in the freezing ocean. Poor guy didn’t even have a proper send off… she could have at least given him the life jacket… sexually assaulted by the upper class broad and tossed away like a used condom. “Oh yes, the woman in the picture is me.” Fuck off. Absolutely fuck right off.

Edit 2: Yeah I’m on a rant now. Who mentioned this fucking film? I’ve not even started on the Celine Dion bullshit… “My heart will go on.” Okay, good for you… you can still live because your heart is still beating… but you fucking killed 1400 people… and I guarantee… I absolutely guarantee that at least one of those people would’ve done something half decent with the money for that jewel. What did you do? What the actual fuck did you do!? “Near. Far. Wherever you are.” I’ll tell you where he his. At the bottom of the fucking sea where you left him. Absolute fucking prick

📷 📷 📷 "Hewwo! I am TywanDreemurr! Otherwise known as "The Bunny Savior"! I am a Furry, and a Bunny who has a strong heart, caring, friendly, and nice! Thats all you have to know about me! It was very nice of you to read my "About"! I hope you have an amazing day! Goodbye! >wO" 📷 📷 📷 📷 "Stay strong, and Stay Determined!" 📷 - TywanDreemurr 📷 "Leader of the Bunny Group!" 📷 📷 "Best friends I really care about and HOPE that nothing happens to them: KittyVert, Emerald PawRB, BabyPoochyena and Naoriwa!" 📷 📷 "The person I mainly trust, and only seem to truly trust: DONALDO300." 📷

Hey automod, my name is Obama bing chilling (chinese name). I'm a Fortnite, Mario enjoyer from France that speak Japanese, and let me make a post to tell you about my based story.

I was born at a hospital in Belgium in 1984. My dad was from Taiwan and my mom was from China, their bussiness was growing grass for feeding pigs and turtle. They love to bend my penis during their free time.

My first word was fuck, which made my parents go ZAMN as they expected daddy or mommy. I know I’m an idiot, but the cringe didn't last forever.

I got a cat at the age of 4, his name was Mister Chad. He love to meow while I piss on my furry friend’s ass. I remembered him fart on my Cheetos and chasing my big brother 's dick. Oh shit, I mean his pet koala, while I told him to cum here and stop trying to piss on that weeb femboy's titan semen.

When I was 14, we went on a trip to India to get vaccinated. We also visit the rock museum and shop at the local woman panties store. It was a great experience.

Now at the age of 28, and being a renowned biologist that published a great amount of studies on semen in Britian and the great country of America. Having good source about how to blowjob, I have decided to follow my greatest dream, which is launching an porn NFT collection with depictions of the amogus having sex with FNAF bitches covered in the iconic sticky white substance.

Fuck Kevin.

A teeny-tiny bunch of five,

A foregone group of friends.

Alas! They have changed,

There stood many amends.

​

There was once a time

when people could make jokes.

Then prickliness took over,

and laughter couldn't coax.

​

Oh! don't tell me what to do,

I already know the best.

If you give me advice,

I deem you to be racist.

​

You are a bunch of hate.

You could never be nice.

But did you ever wonder,

This is not paradise.

​

Perhaps it's how people grow,

it's how people age,

Please lord, I do not want to be

a flaming ball of rage.

​

Why am I even here,

Why do I even try?

Perhaps I shouldn't be,

Here's a hearty goodbye.

It has come to our attention that students have been masturbating in the school bathrooms. Masturbating on school property is ILLEGAL and against school district policy. The bathroom pipes are NOT designed to handle human discharge or anything other than your regular bathroom activities. The excessive amounts of discharge build-up has caused a blockage in the pipes. Multiple pipes have become close to bursting due to the amount of excessive semen build-up. This will cost THOUSANDS of dollars coming from our funds to repair the damage caused by this. Please masturbate in your own homes and at your own disposal. If any discharge is discovered in the bathroom, it will be collected and analysed to determine who it belongs to. If it is discovered that the discharge is yours, YOU will be fined $1000 and be reported to proper authorities. Thank you for your cooperation.

If I had zero money, I’d steal a toothbrush. No way I’m having fuzzy slippers on my teeth. That feeling is so gross. Homeless or not, I’d take a tooth brush before food. Cause how you gonna eat or get a job with no teeth? That’s why a majority of homeless people with messed up teeth stay homeless. No one will hire them cause they look like crack heads. This mask thing probably helped a lot of people out. If you’re low income, tooth replacement should be free. It’s literally the difference between staying homeless or not. Brush your teeth people…. It’s important. Also, I like to hand out tooth brushes and travel tooth paste to the homeless. Most of them are grateful af. I’ve left my phone and a toothbrush once in a grocery store. They turned the phone in, but kept the toothbrush.

I never know how to reply to "sup".I just immediately start to question my existence as a whole and wonder what life truly is. Does sup mean "what's up" or does it mean "how are you" or even perhaps "what are you doing at this moment" or maybe, just maybe "what's going on". I'll never truly understand the definition of sup and how to reply to such a word.

I feel like the true nature of "sup" in our modern vernacular is to isolate the inherent ontological nature of the lexicon itself. Surely it is not a panacea that encapsulates all the definitions in one polysemy? The numerous definitons of "sup" are offset movements of music that fuse to the polyphonic symphony of uncertainty. It bears no weight, lends no meaning, and provides no clue for you to ascertain its nature. All we can do is to wait — and pray.

It was a year or two ago and I was watching the emoji movie with like five people (We were 14) and around an hour in, Jailbreak (the emo emoji) comes in and my friend makes a bet “50 bucks to the first person who nuts” I and three other people agreed and we went in separate corners of the room and started trying. I timed it and within 3:47 minutes I nutted. But the worst part about this story IS THAT I LOST. SOMEONE ELSE GOT A TIME OF 49 SECONDS.

You are one of the most well known faggots that keep coming into the stream, after you get banned 1000s of times, to suck my virtual dick, every stream! Because you fantasize about me ass naked, abs chiseling, in a eurian thong. While I commit triant slaughter down your fucking throat while I put you in all types of ages reflected setups where you cant get out, you're forced to suck a dick. You're forced to get pounded in your virtual ass. Then I bust matrix juice all down your throat 'till you choke, spit-up everything you grubbed on, and its just gonna erupt, with green juices, and to the point where you are just caught in eternity, JUST CAUGHT IN A ETERNITY, of matrix juice erupting out of your throat. You're obsessed with me you fucking fag. And yall niggas can clip this, this nigga come on my stream, 24/7, with a VPN, getting banned 1000s of times a stream, and still comes in here and sucks my dick, and obsesses over me. You are worthless, bitchass nigga. Your life literally is as valuable as a summer ant. I'm just gonna stomp you, you are just gonna keep coming back, im gonna seal up all my cracks, you gonna keep coming back, why? Cause you keep smellin' the syrup. You worthless bitchass nigga. You gonna stay on my dick, until you die. You serve no purpose in life, your purpose in life is to be in my stream, sucking on my dick daily. Your purpose in life is to be in that chat, blowin a dick daily. Your life is NOTHING! You serve zero purpose. You should kill yourself, NOW! And give somebody else a piece of that oxygen, and ozone layer covered up so that we can breathe inside this blue trapped bubble. Cause what are you here for? To worship me? Kill yourself. I mean that, with a hundred percent. With a thousand percent.