I LOVE LEAN 💜
I LOVE MELATONIN 💚
I LOVE DAYQUIL 🧡
I LOVE PERCS 🤍
I LOVE TYLENOL 💙
I LOVE MUG 🤎
I LOVE PEPTO BISMAL 💖
I LOVE BENADRYL 🖤
I LOVE COKE 💟
I LOVE WATER 💙 🤍
I LOVE
I SUPER LOVE LEAM 💙 💙 💙
I LOVE CRACK 🤎 💚
I LOVE PICKLE JUICE 💚 💗
I LOVE HOT SAUCE ❤️‍🔥 ❤️
I LOVE TOBACCO💕
I LOVE CANNABIS 🤎 💔
I LOVE UR MOM 💝 🧡
I LOVE LEATHAL NEOROTOXIN 💜 ❤️‍🔥
I LOVE APPLES 🍏 🍏
I LOVE COFFEE 🤎 🤍
I LOVE RAW NICOTINE 💝 ❤️‍🩹
I LOVE SAWDUST 🤎 🧡 💗
I LOVE BLOOD ❤️ 💔 ❤️‍🔥
I LOVE GRASS 💚 🤍 🧡
I LOVE PUMPKINS 🧡 🖤 🤍
I LOVE LOVE 💟 💞 💗
I LOVE WOMEN 🖤 🤍 🖤 🤍
I LOVE MEN ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚
I LOVE LAVA ❤️ 🧡 💛 🤍
I LOVE TEA 💙 ❤️ 🤍 💙
I LOVE EVERYTHING❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜 🖤 🤎 🤍 💔

I had never seen my Dad naked for some reason. Not that I ever wanted to. But last month I saw him changing in the gym. The guy has a freaking porn dick. It wasn't even hard but it was massive regardless. It sounds extremely gay and incestuous but that's been stuck in my head from that very day. How the hell did those genes not get passed onto me?

Nintendo has caused controversy by announcing that any Nintendo Wii that is still in working order will incinerate upon an upcoming date next year.

“Due to changing standards in the gaming industry and better hardware being available, we think it’s best if every single Wii that is still in perfect working order just bursts into flames one day next year,” said Doug Bowser, President of Nintendo of America. Just melting and shooting parts all over across the room. Once we get this new Switch Sports game out, we really don’t want anyone enjoying a past version of it. I’m sure you understand.” 

The announcement was met with the predictable reception of cynicism that seems to greet most Nintendo news as of late. 
“Why doesn’t this surprise me,” said Gordon Hall, a concerned Nintendo fan. “Between suing fans that make games, stopping Melee tournaments from happening, and shutting down the 3DS and Wii U stores, Nintendo literally seems like it’s doing everything it can to alienate every fan of theirs. If they hadn’t made 7 of my 10 favorite games I’d probably stop supporting them. Those absolute bastards.”

In addition to the traditional gaming demographics, the Nintendo Wii’s motion controls and recreations of popular sports like bowling and golf made it popular among elderly gamers, a factor many are considering Nintendo to take into consideration before they voluntarily explode any of the 100 million units sold that are still operating. 

“Nintendo doesn’t care what we think,” said Elena Hacklethorpe, a gaming journalist. “Never have, never will. They know what they’re doing. They know how many nursing homes still have Wiis installed in rec rooms. If they do what they’re threatening to do, their signature bright red logo will no longer remind me of Mario’s hat and instead the blood of my grandparents. It will be on their hands. I wish they’d be a normal company just one time.”

As of press time, Nintendo revealed they were hard at work figuring out how they were going to get you to buy access to Super Mario Bros. 3 for a sixth time.

Just a thought about Em's balls

I’m curious about Eminem’s penis. It may sound Weird but hear me out when I say Something just doesn’t line up with this mans junk. In 2000 on the Marshall Mathers LP on the track “Bitch Please II” he opens his verse with “Aww, naww, big Slim Dogg. Eighty pound balls, dick six inch long” So we establish in the year 2000 his dick is six inches and his balls are 80 pounds. In the year 2018 though, on Kamikaze he says “Wait, got the eeriest feelin', somethin' evil is lurkin' I'm no conspiracy theorist but somethin' here is a foot.Oh yeah, it's my dick” so now we know his dick is a foot. So in 18 years his dick has doubled in size. Here’s where it gets weird. On his song “Big Weenie” in 2004 off of his album “Encore” he states “my weenie is much bigger than yours is Mine is like stickin' a banana between 2 oranges” the average size of a banana is around 7.5 inches. Meaning yes it grows. Now we’ve confirmed that it grew gradually and not instantly. What raises the concern about SlimShadys Genitals is his balls. The average weight of an apple is .33 pounds. So two balls relative to apples would be .66 pounds. In just 4 years Eminem’s balls shrunk to about 0.83% of the original weight but in 18 years his penis doubled in size. Growth and loss of weight aside, it’s so irregular I can’t help but ask “what is wrong with Eminem’s Balls?”

This server has done nothing but bring me down as a person. everyday i come in here and all you do is tear me down insult me hurt me with your words and do nothing but harm me emotionally physically mentally and I just can’t take it any longer this server is so abusive and toxic it’s crazy. no one even realizes how disgusting all of your behaviors are. every single time I talk or type or even do anything or interact with anyone in the server everybody just goes against me and gangs up on me like a pack of wolves and just attacks me and i didn’t do anything to deserve these attacks and these hurtful words. i literally just try to be nice to everybody but nobody ever wants to be in my shoes and nobody ever tries to sympathize with me and see where I’m coming from all of you just see me as the enemy and as the bad guy that’s trying to ruin the server or something when really I’m just trying to spread positivity. you guys act like I’m some kind of virus or disease, constantly casting me out so much, making me feel so left out and so alone in this server. it’s fucking driving me insane I feel mental and I feel like a weirdo just being around all of you because of how you treat me. at this point in time, I’ve given up on ever trying again and ever becoming any of your friends because I just know your feelings towards me clearly. i know all of you hate me and never want to be around me again or never have anything to do with me. it’s clear that you all think I’m a joke and that I’m stupid, idiotic and boring. it’s so mean because I literally don’t do anything to you guys but you guys always act like you hate me and it makes me feel so confused because I don’t know what I did to deserve it. I feel like I should just leave because clearly nobody wants to be around me and everyone would be happier if i left anyways so i’ll just go and i hope all of you find happiness in life and i’m sorry for all the troubles i’ve ever put any of you through.

Seven black rats

Thats a lot of rats

When he sees your mask

He calls you Dream

Yeah, he feasts on rat feces

Seven foot ice creams

I'm gay and my husband has a fat cock. After he has fucked me, my asshole is usually red and swolen with a white liquid discharge from inside my ass usually running down the back of my ball sack. Often I'll find the back of my underwear wet. Sometimes I may be a bit constipated for a few days and then when I poop, its realy hard and compact and as fat as the penis that caused it. It usually hurts and is hard to push out of my ass and trying to do it gives me an erection and the pressure on my prostate causes precum discharge which I sometimes take some and rub it around my anus and it can help the turd to finally slip out. The sudden release of stretching on my sphincter leads to an intense need to rub my penis which causes me to ejaculate. Even though i cum in the toilet and wipe my dick, I always end up with a small amount of cum in your underwear after your dick gets soft. My boyfriend likes to suck it out of my underwear and if I'm still wearing them I get an erection and after I suck his dick and get it hard. This of course leads to it going in my ass and the circle continues.

if u receive this message it means that i have died. i , [name redacted] , have become too slay and queer for this world to handle me anymore. it is likely that i died because someone force fed me beans on toast and i, an american, could not take that fucking disgusting ass food. my body rejected it and exploded. anyways, i have left this earthly realm to the seven skies... thank u

I’m curious about Eminem’s penis. It may sound Weird but hear me out when I say Something just doesn’t line up with this mans junk. In 2000 on the Marshall Mathers LP on the track “Bitch Please II” he opens his verse with “Aww, naww, big Slim Dogg. Eighty pound balls, dick six inch long” So we establish in the year 2000 his dick is six inches and his balls are 80 pounds. In the year 2018 though, on Kamikaze he says “Wait, got the eeriest feelin', somethin' evil is lurkin' I'm no conspiracy theorist but somethin' here is a foot.Oh yeah, it's my dick” so now we know his dick is a foot. So in 18 years his dick has doubled in size. Here’s where it gets weird. On his song “Big Weenie” in 2004 off of his album “Encore” he states “my weenie is much bigger than yours is Mine is like stickin' a banana between 2 oranges” the average size of a banana is around 7.5 inches. Meaning yes it grows. Now we’ve confirmed that it grew gradually and not instantly. What raises the concern about SlimShadys Genitals is his balls. The average weight of an apple is .33 pounds. So two balls relative to apples would be .66 pounds. In just 4 years Eminem’s balls shrunk to about 0.83% of the original weight but in 18 years his penis doubled in size. Growth and loss of weight aside, it’s so irregular I can’t help but ask “what is wrong with Eminem’s Balls?”

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Did someone say lean 😱😱😱 HOLY FUCKING SHIT‼️‼️‼️‼️ IS THAT A MOTHERFUCKING LEAN REFERENCE??????!!!!!!!!!!11!1!1!1!1!1!1! 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 LEAN IS THE BEST FUCKING DRINK 🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯 LEAN IS SO DELICIOUSSSSS 💜💜💜💜💜🟪🟪🟪🟪🟪 COME TO LEANBAY AND WATCH ME DRINK LEAN💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟 💟💟💟💟 WHY IS NO ONE DRINKING LEAN 🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬🤬😡🤬🤬😡 OH YOUR A LEAN DRINKER? NAME EVERY LEAN 🔫😠🔫😠🔫😠🔫😠🔫😠 Where Any lean!❓ ❓ Where!❓ ❓ Where! Any lean!❓ Where! ❓ Any lean!❓ ❓ Any lean! ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ Where!Where!Where! Any lean!Where!Any lean Where!❓ Where! ❓ Where!Any lean❓ ❓ Any lean! ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ Where! ❓ Where! ❓ Any lean!❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ Any lean! ❓ ❓ Where!❓ Any lean! ❓ ❓ Where!❓ ❓ Where! ❓ Where!Where! ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ Any lean!❓ ❓ ❓ Any lean!❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ Where! ❓ Where! Where!Any lean!Where! Where! ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ I think it was lean!👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀It wasnt me I was drinking lean!!!!!!!!!!!!!!😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 [r/leanmemes](https://www.reddit.com/r/leanmemes/) [r/unexpectedlean](https://www.reddit.com/r/unexpectedlean/) [r/expectedlean](https://www.reddit.com/r/expectedlean/) perfectly balanced as all leans should be [r/unexpectedlean](https://www.reddit.com/r/unexpectedlean/) [r/expectedlean](https://www.reddit.com/r/expectedlean/) for balance

Ok I'm not gay, but I want to suck a cock. Cocks look so juicy and tasty when you think about it. Just imagine slurping up and down a warm throbbing cock as a man stronger and bigger than you pats your head and calls you a good boy. I'm entirely straight. I just have a penis fetish.

He's very vanilla and I don't mind it one bit. My craziness is enough for the both of us but I've always wanted to eat ass. I begged him for 3 weeks before he let me.

Well, he loved it and i did not, he's asking for more!

What have I done???

McDonald’s fucked me so hard dude, they made it so I couldn’t carry everything I ordered

SO I HAD TO STAND THERE AND DRINK MY SPRITE AND EAT MY ICE CREAM SO I COULD CAREY EVERYTHING

Now I have no sprite and no ice cream

And I cannot sleep

No naps for today

Fuck McDonald’s

Do 👂 u 👈 suppowt 🤗 gays 🏳️‍🌈 and wesbians? like 🌸 da peopwe 👥 who 🤷 awe in 👇👏 da lgbt 👩‍👩‍👦 community? 💰 aftew 😡 a quick 🏃 pause, ⏯ me 🤢 gave 🎁 hew 👩 my 😘 wepwy: no. 😣😣

**MASTURBATION NOTICE**

It has come to our attention that students have been masturbating in the school bathrooms. Masturbating on school property is ILLEGAL and against school district policy

The bathroom pipes are NOT designed to handle human discharge or anything other than your regular bathroom duties

The excessive amounts of discharge build-up has caused a blockage in the pipes. Multiple pipes have become close to bursting due to the amount of excessive semen build-up. This will cost THOUSANDS of dollars coming from our funds to repair the damage caused by this

Please masturbate in your own homes and at your own disposal

If any discharge is discovered in the bathroom, it will be collected and analyzed to determine who it belongs to. If it is discovered that the discharge is yours, YOU will be fine $ 1,000 and be reported to proper authorities

Thank you for your cooperation

Benefits of NoFap:

Day 1 - Nothing. You're still in withdrawal and might actually feel worse.

Day 5 - Improved motivation and productivity.

Day 10 - Better energy and sleep.

Day 30 - Greater confidence and self-esteem. Mental clarity.

Day 60 - Increased muscle mass, bone density, and cardiovascular capacity. Testosterone through the roof.

Day 120 - Higher sperm count. Increased erection strength and duration.

Day 365 - Your voice deepens and your skull becomes more chad-like. Increased erection girth and length.

Day 730 - Faster reaction time. 10 additional IQ points.

Day 1500 - Starbucks baristas start writing their numbers on your receipts. Your ex wants to get back together. You feel tempted but ultimately turn her down.

Day 3000 - You can't keep up with all your tinder matches. Strange women begin hitting on you in public. You worry about your female boss. Fortunately she keeps it professional.

Day 6000 - Ex shows up at your door crying and begging you to take her back. You don't even make eye contact—just call the police right away. Your female boss quits. She can't take it anymore and fears what she might do to you if she stays.

Day 12000 - Every swipe on tinder is a match. Even girls you swipe left get matched with you somehow. Romantic messages fill up your inbox every day—all 15gb of it—you upgrade your Gmail account to premium.

Day 30000 - You don't have to work anymore. JK Rowling signs over half of her Harry Potter royalties to you in a grand gesture of love. You tell her you can't be with her because she's too controversial. She weeps quietly. The next morning, Rowling tweets that trans women are women and Dumbledore's sexual orientation is nobody's business.

Day 60000 - Scientists propose that attraction to you be classified as its own sexual orientation, which will account for 97.5 percent of the world's population. Paradoxically, you no longer feel any sexual desire. You have achieved a higher consciousness and now love every human-being equally.

Day 100,000 - Your IQ doubles, triples, and quadruples. You come up with a workable model of quantum gravity in a rainy Sunday afternoon. Elon Musk steps down from SpaceX to work for you. You decide to put space exploration on hold to focus on achieving clean energy through nuclear fusion.

Day 200,000 - You've solved the problem of nuclear fusion. You also solved the problems of climate change, poverty, crime, and racism. You have been elected the very first President of the World.

Day 500,000 - It's been over half a million days since you last fapped. You have achieved everything, understood everything, and solved every problem faced by humanity. All that needs to be done has been done. There's nothing left to do.

You give your fellow humans one last look—they're still fapping, trapped in their primitive way—but you don't judge. The path of NoFap was never meant for the ordinary men. "Try not to fap. But if you must, use lube." That was your parting word.

Now, released from all shackles of the mundane, and purified of all imperfections, your body ephemeralizes, as your ever-illuminated consciousness ascends into another dimension.

lemme tell you a legit story about how I almost had sex earlier today. I went to the supermarket earlier today, to buy some cheese and bacon, you know? So I went up to the girl working there and she said: "Good morning, how can I help you?"

I couldn't believe this naughty bitch was offering herself to me at 7 am, but I managed to keep myself calm and said: "Good morning. I want 300g of mozzarella cheese and 300g of bacon please."

She started working on my order, and after a while she came to me and said "Sir, I acidentally put 350g of cheese instead of 300g. Can I leave it or do you want me to take some off?"

Holy fucking shit. I couldn't believe what this cum-addicted slut just said. She knew I only wanted 300g of cheese, but instead of giving me what I asked for she decided to try to have sex with me. I'm gonna explain it to you: what's the difference between 300g and 350g of cheese? That's right, 50 grams. What else has 50 grams? Yes, that's the average weight of a condom packaging, and also the average amount of sperm expelled during a sexual act. And worst of all, do you know which sentence has 50 letters? "Oh daddy please destroy my pussy and cum in my little slut ass".

I was shocked at the audacity of this whore, but I was better than this. I told her to take a little bit of cheese off, and she said: "is 308g alright sir?" I was shaking and sharting at this point. I couldn't believe she was humiliating herself like this. Do you know what has 8 letters? "I love you". But I didn't love her, I didn't love this attention deprived thot back. So I just said: "I'm not going to give in to your schemes. You should value yourself more, you are better than this".

As I was paying for my products at the cashier I could hear a great commotion, and I saw that the girl and all the other female employees were crying in unison. I left the supermarket knowing that I did the right thing.

ya for me after my fetish for traps in long socks became a reality, i'd get topped or even pound out a bottom here and there just to regret my life after i orgasm, but then i craved it, it was like banging meth for the first time. Fantasy became reality, reality became a living dream.

What I'm saying is embrace the bussy, be proud of the bussy, make a chant for the bussy, start a rally for the bussy, commit genocide for the bussy, be proud of the war crimes for the bussy, ddos grindr for the bussy, be the beacon for the bussy

Congratulations. You have recieved an upvote from me. Commonly asked FAQ: What does this mean? This means that I have deemed your content worthy of my humble upvote. While it may not seem like much, remember that your post is where it is because of me. As you receive your positive karma, thank me. DO NOT INGRATIATE ME: Any and all posts and replies thanking me for my commitment and assistance to your posts success will be ignored and blocked. How will this effect me? There are many ways this can affect you. Your karma will recieve a positive boost, helping you to create successful content into the future. There are many reasons I may have upvoted your post. These include:

1. Humorous content, such as Big Chungi, Keanu Reeves and Elon Musk

2. Information relating to the origin of content, NSFW

3. lack of common emojis. Acceptable emojis include 🗿

4. Comments that assist in my downvoting of unworthy content or comments HOWEVER, do not be under the illusion that your content is invincible I will follow your account to watch for any sort of malfeasance, which will be punished accordingly. This will be accompanied by a deep dive into your post and comment history to search for any "normie" behavior. I will provide one warning before blocking and downvoting all posts with and related to you. YOU ARE NOT INVINCIBLE. I hope that this helps you on your reddit journey. Feel free to upvote my post and award. Never forget your reddit roots and how I supported you. Remember: Reddit is a privilege, not a right