>I really love Astolfo. Like, a lot. Like, a whole lot. You have no idea. I love him so much that it is inexplicable, and I'm ninety-nine percent sure that I have an unhealthy obsession.

>If I could just hold his hand for a brief moment, I could die happy. If given the opportunity, I would lightly nibble on his ear just to hear what kind of sweet moans he would let out. Then, I would hug him while he clings to my body hoping that I would stop, but I only continue as he moans louder and louder.

>I would give up almost anything just for him to look in my general direction. No matter what I play, I am constantly thinking of Astolfo. When I wake up, he is the first thing on my mind. When I go to school, I can only focus on him.

>I wish for nothing but his happiness. If it were for his, I would give my life without any second thoughts. Without him, my life would serve no purpose. I really love Astolfo.

1. note that torture =/= execution. blood eagles, etc. are NOT torture methods, but execution methods.
2. there are two types of torture!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! physical and psychological!! i myself prefer psychological!! but you can choose whichever type you like!! just enjoy the process, it's supposed to be fun!!
3. electrocution is a great type of torture!! you're not killing the victim, you're just forcing them through pain!! soak them in water and be sure to have a source of electricity!! ignore any screams, it's the pain that matters!!
4. white torture, no sound torture, etc. are quite well known!! however, i doubt that we can afford such methods :( a cheaper psychological torture method is chinese water torture!! this unlikely method actually really works!! give it a try!!
5. stress conditions are a great kind of torture!! put them in several stress conditions for a long time!! watching your prisoner struggle and hurt as they try to maintain the position is really great to watch!!
6. maybe try some innovative methods?? force feed your prisoner and forcing them to vomit using an antimony cup again and again??
7. enjoy the process and feel free to come up with new torture methods!!

I'm NOT a virgin. I have sex all the time, I'm an ADULT. I play fort..... I mean, I have sex with my gf. I work at a work place and I do work there. I have a big beard and an awesome hairline. I have sex all day all night and yeah. I've had a TON of gfs, so I'm not a virgin.

I love My Singing Monsters more than I do my life. I will fucking kill myself if this game gets deleted. I've been playing for 4 years straight my daily login count is 2874 days and ongoing. I can't take more than 15 minutes without My Singing Monsters related stimulation. I sing Cold Island everyday. I can't do this anymore. My Singing Monsters has overtaken my life. I am the singing monster.

Pray for me 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🛐

Throwaway for obvious reasons (don't want to use my personal account)

This is the weirdest thing to ever happen to me and to be honest I laughed through the experience (except for the painful part).

This literally just happened a few hours ago. I was sitting in my room working on my computer updating and adding designs to my Redbubble and Amazon Shops. I was getting bored because I had to wait 30 minutes for my Amazon to update. So I did what every man does when they are bored. I decided to "Mess around". I got the "bright" idea to stick a chopstick in my penis. So I stuck it in until the end of it went etirely into the hole. Mind you the end was square not circular. So after it went completely in, I realized I made a mistake and tried to get it out. At that point my penis head was swollen and I could not get the squared end to come out of the circular hole. I Pulled and pulled and it just would not come out. The pain was manageable for the most part, I tried for maybe 10-15 minutes before I gave up and decided the best option albeit the last thing I wanted to do was to go to the hospital. Slight problem, I live with my parents and I couldn't just leave on my own and go to the ER becuase my parents would have found out eventually (Screw technology!). To make matters worse, my grandma was staying with us and when trying to get it out she woke up and needed to use the bathroom. I decided the best thing to do was to tell my half awake grandmother at 1Am that I got a chop stick stuck in my penis.

I told her and she took it better than I expected. Fast forward and I had to tell my parents. I went into their room whle they were asleep and woke my mother up first and told her what had happened. When I pointed to where it got stuck (my penis), for some reason both parents first assumed it got lodged in my ass (I wish it were my ass cause then it would been easy enough to just shit it out). My dad was woken up and almost had a heart attack being woken up in the middle of the night. He was at a loss for words because he couldn't understand why me. a young adult, stuck a chopstick in his penis. I guess I'm just a "freak" like everyone else. So anyways, I hopped in the car and went to the ER. As I was sitting in the exam room I couldn't help but laugh because I had read stories of people who got things stuck inside them and never actually thought it would happen to me, thanks internet. So time goes by and the doctor comes in.

He examines my dick and says hes gonna get some tools to try and pull it out himself. I thought "Oh great, I wont have to get cut". So he comes in with the tools and he said he brought some lidocaine gel to numb the tip Which he didn't end up using. he pulls out some tools and first tries the tool that essentially grabs the stick by the sides and pulls it out. Mind you, he didn't numb my penis at all. By god when he started to tug at it I felt the fiery flames of satan. This shit hurt so bad and he kept on tugging. All the while I just sat there groaning and moaning in pain. Eventually it would not come out but he decided to try one last time (This one hurt the worst). It still didn't come out. So then he said he was going to contact the specialist and see what to do about it. 10 minutes later he returns and says he's gonna numb the area and slice a small slit at the tip so he can pull it out.

He comes back later and brings in a scalpel and a big needle. He cleans the area and inserts the needle. Listen, if you've ever got struck and injected with a needle into the penis, you know how bad it hurts, and if you haven't, don't. He stuck it in and came with it a sharp pain and a burning sensation. Eventually my dick felt like a brick it was so numb and he just cut it (felt nothing). After that he sewed it up and finished. And to make this whole situation worse I had to have my poor grandmother drive me and wait with me in the ER (thanks grandma). All in all, as I sit here writing this and thinking back, It was one hell of an experience , but one that I will make sure to avoid in the future. The bad part is My parents went back to sleep and now I have to wait until morning to talk to them again. Hopefully it isn't gonna be weird.

TL;DR - I got bored and decided to "mess around" resulting in a chopstick stuck up my penis. My grandma was visiting and had to take me to the ER at 1AM. Doctor tried pulling out stick with no numbing of the penis and eventually had to cut a slit in the head to get the chopstick out.

When I was a little kid I kind of had this problem. Not even that big of a deal, something like 8% of kids do it but whatever. For some reason I don’t know why, I would just kind of sit around all day and draw pictures of dicks. I’d sit there for hours and draw dicks. I don’t know what it was, but I couldn’t touch pen to paper without drawing the shape of a penis. Here I am just a little kid and I can’t stop drawing dicks to save my own life. In the classroom is where I did the majority of my illustrations. I was very secretive about this whole dick operation I had going on. Even I thought it was fucking crazy. Imagine what everyone else would think. So I would stash all my dick drawings in this Ghostbusters lunchbox that I had. Turns out someone found out and told on me and she rats me out to the principal. The principal finds this Ghostbusters lunchbox dick treasure chest and he fucking flips out. He calls in my parents. Turns out this principal is some religious fanatic and he thinks I’m possessed by some dick devil. My parents make me see the therapist and he is asking me dick questions. My parents made me stop eating foods shaped like dicks. No hot dog no Popsicles. Do you know how many foods are shaped like dicks? Like the best kind.

I just downvoted your post.

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My girl caught me in bed with a man. As an alpha male how do I tell that I am so manly that I need to sleep other men to absorb their testosterone. It ain’t gay cos I am so manly other men are like women to me. You guys feel me?

I was in my local walmart last Saturday. On the day before I had a Mexican takeaway for dinner because I was celebrating finishing the week of work. The next day I went to walmart to get a birthday present for my nieces 8th birthday, when I was looking in the clothes section I started having awful stomach aches and cramps and could feel my gut tending up and hurting. I knew what was going to happen but couldn’t do anything about it. I literally grabbed the first pair of pants I saw, ran to the the changing rooms and locked the door. It was hell. I probably sharted nearly a pound of liquid shit onto the floor and used the pair of pants to wipe myself up. I threw it in the corner and left as fast as I could. It was so disgusting I didn’t tell any staff about it. It smelled absolutely rancid and was so liquid.

Title.

i went in a bathroom stall to take a shit today and when I flushed it turned out someone else dropped off some cosbies at the pool already so it was my shit mixed with his splashing violently and ticking my ass and the flush then broke so I couldn't stop and then another wave but this time bigger put shit in my bum and then another wave and with each passing wave more and more shit and piss(i had a panic attack and had a wee wee in the bowl) mixed and kept hitting me over and over and then the janitor came in and the door opened because the wave of fluids burst through and he got sucked in and shat himself more in the mix and then we had to swim to get out and finally made it but we were all drenched in it and then the janitor turned out to be the headteacher who turned out to be the guy that dropped off some cosbies at the pool who then told me to go home so that's why whenever you see mudboy don't stare just move along please.

Hey dumbass, no one cares about your opinion on the green album or any other album. You can say “Music isn’t for me” without being an ass and going on specific subreddits. I know a pussy like you isn’t going to respond right? Seriously people like you should have been aborted.

Its’ not fucking better. Also why did you take the time to make a whole long goddamn message about me? Are you fucking obsessed? And Reddit isn’t about “sharing civil opinions”. It’s just a website, a damn website, no one cares about a fucking weasel’s thought about music. Further more, i’m not surprised you fall into the stereotype of no pfp, people like you make me cringe, and ponder. I cringe at the fact that you bring out your random opinions when LITERALLY no one fucking asked. And I ponder why you have a fucking default pfp. You should be ashamed, a fucking ashamed. Ashamed is a word used in the context that something is sad, disappointed it, etc.

I may have to tell you this or not but this word was probably used a lot in WW2 when the Facist Rich took over most of Europe and influences other parts of the world such as Japan, and the southeastern hemisphere of Asia, Yeah, I’m sure people where ashamed and disappointed at there leaders. And how much power, and influence they had over not just one country/city/town/country/continent etc, but virtually every part of the world. But my version of “ashamed” on you is even worse than that. Worse than the highly foreseen WWW3, which people like you will then wonder, instead of preparing, farming etc. “Why did I share my opinion no one fucking asked for?”

Also, no one fucking cares if your a “wheezer fan”, i’m a fucking wheezer stan. I’ve been tot here first concert. I heard their first song when it came out. But you spurting out bullshit that you a “huge fan omggg guys” could even be deemed offensive on certain levels. For example, the dream stans/minecraft stans, idolize their idol. Anyone who provokes/tries to surprise in surplus of influence/followers/other things gets harassed and bickered at. It may seem small and dumb, but if you’ve seen these people literally grow, you start to almost want to be apart of the “toxic” Minecraft stan community. Everyone in those Minecraft communities may as well already be married, they look out for each other and their idol, with the use of Discord servers, twitter threads, etc. But what the actual hell do you bring to the table? Let’s count your flaws then we’ll determine whether or not I should keep writing to your monkey-looking-ass who literally looks like Steve Urkel.

1. Claiming to be a big fan, when you're not, which is offensive.
2. Being literally fucking slanderous towards me.
3. Default pfp which should tell anyone else you’re abusive.

Get off the internet, now, I’ll ask you nicely.

but people who refer to the male self pleasuring experience as "masturbating" instead of phrases like "beating off" or "jacking off" are fucking limp dick no life incels who are fucking disgusting. Studies have found that 80% of people who use the word "masturbation" have and will never feel the touch of a woman, talking to someone and using the word can even change your public image from a perfectly likeable and just man into an unlikeable sex fiend. Even just the term "masturbation" in and of itself sounds like a mushy, soft, and unmanly activity, combine it with the actual meaning of it and if you use it you'll sound like a fucking psychopath if you use it, simply saying "I masturbate" instead of "beating off" will scare away all the females within a 10 mile radius faster than telling them you play league of legends. On the other hand the terms "jacking off" and "beating" projects feelings of manliness, like a Brazilian chad, with a good hard sex drive who could take care of a girl.

I’ll spare you the details. Found out my ex was cheating on me with this guy. Pretended to be on amicable terms with them. Became close friends to them. Invited them over to party. Offered drinks (grape fanta laced with lean). Only the guy drinks it at first. Gets a slow headache afterwards. Everyone is concerned. ex calls ambulance. They later find copious amounts of purp in his bloodstream. I get arrested go to court get mocked at by judge and lawyers for saying I only took advice from a relationship advice post. Now I’m the laughing stock in our local newspaper. I get sentenced to 2 and half years for attempted manslaughter. unfortunately the boyfriend recovered.

Long before time had a name, Ninjago was created by the First Sinjitzu Master using the Four Weapons Of Spinjitzu, The Scythe Of Quakes, The Nunchucks Of Lightning, The Shurikens Of Ice, and The Sword Of Fire. Weapons so powerful no one can handle all of their powers at once.

When he passed away, his two sons swore to protect them. But the oldest was consumed by darkness and wanted to posses them. A battle between brothers broke out and the oldest was strucked down and was banished to The Underworld.

Peace returned to Ninjago and the younger brother hid the weapons. But knowing his older brother's relentless ambition for power, he placed a guardian to protect them. And for fear of his own demise, a map for an honest man to hide.

That honest man was your father, the older brother is Lord Garmadon, and I need to find those weapons before he does!

"One last thing for you. it was meant to be said earlier but i cut it out to give a more direct answer. Don't ever say i leave a person hanging.

Oh really? Trump also has people who like him. Alex Jones. Jim Jones. You can pick any psychopath, any idiot out there and someone will like what they say. And i had many people who liked what i say - from other users, to writers, heck, i had famous Youtubers praising collaborations i did with them. All of these people do seem to hold me in some regard but somehow i'm a "joker" for not having a brain damaged idiot on discord praising me.

The "level of person" can already be seen in the way you act, and the people you are surrounded, you aren't capable of a single intelectual thought, all of your answers are basic justifications in a echo-chambery environment, we have never said "something serious" and "we never talked before", but here you are writing your wall of text once again. And yet, i seem to be unable to judge "your" level but somehow you can decide that "my" level is worth of mockery.

Oh, and i know you. I know you for, what, an hour more or less? And i can already see how much of a piece of shit you are. You try to justify your actions against me - or rather, you try to gaslight my actions as dumb without any justification for your own. Pathetic, really.

And if you had read the damn thing i wrote, you would have know the reasons i'm "wasting" time here. And you are trying to do just what you said you hated, find a moral justification for treating me like shit. If there are no morals, them why waste time in that? Why waste time in justifications? Just go on and say you do it because you want to. But that's easy, is it not? You don't have the balls necessary to speak out the truth, you need to be seem as correct and "win" this debate. But you couldn't win it with a rock, because just like it, i lack a single care i nthe world for how you think about me. "

Been on a 4 day binge (ice) and fappin the whole time basically. Well earlier tonight my nut (right one) ruptured/deflated only knew cause the bloody cum and extreme pain I feel. It's fucking flat y'all not just a little bit either. I didn't even know this could happen! My roommate is giving me shots of H for the pain but it only helps so much. Can't afford to get medical attention just got to hope it heals with time. The fucked up part is I'm still so goddamn horny but Jeff doesn't think I should even do anal play. (Roomie) fucking hell. And I've got work tomorrow ffs

this kid in my gta lobby once said his dad makes 60 figures a year driving for Lamborghini

that's minimum 100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

or maximum 999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999

the payroll calendar has 261 working days

if he works 261 days

with minimum 60 figures

he would make roughly 383,141,762,452,107,279,693,486,590,038,314,176,245,210,727,969,348,659,004 in a day

the richest man of all times net worth in incalculable so we will use the 2nd richest man of all time

the 2nd richest man of all times net worth is 4.1 trillion

lets just say he works an 8 hour work day cause that's on average

meaning he makes 47,892,720,306,513,409,961,685,823,754,789,272,030,651,340,996,168,582,376 in one hour

he makes 6,385,696,040,868,454,661,558,109,833,971,902,937,420,178,799,489,144,316 in 1 minute

he makes 106,428,267,347,807,577,692,635,163,899,531,715,623,669,646,658,152,405 in 1 second

he makes 6,385,696,040,868,454,661,558,109,833,971,902,937,420,178,799,489,144 in 1 millisecond

he makes 6,385,696,040,868,454,661,558,109,833,971,902,937,420,178,799,489 in 1 microsecond

he makes 6,385,696,040,868,454,661,558,109,833,971,902,937,420,178,799 in 1 nanosecond

the smallest unit of time ever measured is 1 zeptosecond

There are 1000000000000 zeptoseconds in one nanosecond

in the smallest unit of time ever recorded he makes 6,385,696,040,868,454,661,558,109,833,971,902 dollars

that's still 155,748,683,923,620,845,403 times the worth of the second richest person ever

so yeah

I think its safe to say the kid was lying

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note: I did all these calculations myself and this is my personal story and original content

wait, wait, wait… hold your horses… uhm… YOU’RE A BOY GAMER?!!?! O\_O not to be a freak, but.. just when I thought you couldn’t get any more attractive.. you started playing video games. Nicely done, good sir. You’ve just become every man’s dream boy. If you had missed a couple before, now you can be sure you’ve got us ALL “drooling”, lol.

On Tuesday March 1 (yesterday), I punched a gay kid for harassing me. Story: I was just getting on the bus after I was dismissed, sat down on my assign seat, then the gay sat on the seat on the right ( I was on the left), He then started ranting about how good I look to his fucking friend, I ignored him. The gay kid then got too comfortable, he started talking about me sexually. I got up and punched the shit out of him and continued to beat him until he started bleeding. The next day all the kids started hounding me about how homophobic I am.