Hello Reddit, this one's weird. NSFW obviously.

We start the dream with me (21M) waking up and getting undressed for a shower, only to find my dick had been messily cut off. In it's place was something that resembles a doctor's first attempt at a belly button, if that makes sense. My balls were still there.

I went into the kitchen where my mum and sister were and asked if there had been a robbery. my mum reluctantly told me there was a break-in last night and demanded to know why I cared so much, so I showed her. She got pissed for flashing the family and so I got pissed that she didnt care about my missing genitals and that she hadn't told me about the break-in sooner.

That's about the time I look down the hallway and notice three beautiful women standing in another room of the house. Didn't care that they were beautiful, in my dream I just knew they were the burglars and I was pissed. One was wearing a regular nun outfit, another a sexy angel and another a regular devil. So I marched in there intending to do god knows what but was quickly overpowered. They admitted to being the ones to sever the shaft and ((FROM HERE ON GETS NSFW AF)) said they needed it to get each other off. Then they pulled out a large chain and said they need to be choked with this while having sex with a man. The rest of the dream is pretty much random flashes of different foursome sex positions involving the chain wrapped around one or more of their necks. At first it was torture due to my notable lack of a dick but slowly as the dream flashed between sex positions it grew back, tiny and then back to normal.

Basically I'm here to ask wtf??? I wouldn't call this a sex dream or wet dream because the number of emotions felt throughout kept me from being horny. It could have something to do with a first date I just had, because even though it wasn't bad I just didn't find myself attracted to her and I feel like I should say I'm not interested, which is something I've never done before and that's been weighing on my mind a lot. Just a guess though. Any takers?

L + plundered + no wenches + marooned + you have scurvy + landlubber + walk the plank + the crew watches Markbeard now + young captain better + all hands on deck + yer with the Royal Navy + you’ve rats in your rations + our cannons will rip ye to shred + ye crew mutinied + cheap rum + you have no booty + scuttled + mutinous crew + no cannons + small ship + no parrot + you have no treasure maps + polly want a cracker + 0 doubloons + barnacles on the bottom of your boat + shit sails + good teeth + no eyepatch + no peg leg + no hook + ye too smart + ye still got tricked by blackbeard + bad captain + me mother had a better ship + damaged boat + small crew + bad quartermaster + good hygiene + capsized boat + ye be stranded + unstable crows nest + moldy food + ye abandoned yer wife + ye'll be hung by the crown soon + yer stolen ships location be:

Caribbean Sea, 20 degrees North, 80 degrees West
Ship Name: "The Angel's Fist", Three-master, 28 cannons
Flying the Spanish Flag, 5 knots if the wind be right

don’t care + didn’t ask + cry about it + who asked + stay mad + get real + L + bleed + mald seethe cope harder + dilate + incorrect + hoes mad + pound sand + basic skill issue + typo + ratio + ur dad left + you fell off + no u + the audacity + triggered + repelled + ur a minor + k. + any askers + get a life + ok and? + cringe + copium + go outside + touch grass + kick rocks + quote tweet + think again + not based + not funny didn’t laugh + social credits -999, 999, 999, 999 + get good + reported + ad hominem + ok boomer + small pp + ur allergic to sunlight + GG! + get rekt + trolled + your loss + muted + banned + kicked + permaban + useless + i slept with ur mom + yo momma + yo momma so fat + redpilled + no bitches allowed + i said it better + tiktok fan + get a life + unsubscribed + plundered + go tell reddit + donowalled + simp + get sticked bug LOL + talk nonsense + trump supporter + your’re a full time discord mod + you’re\* + grammar issue + nerd + get clapped + kys + lorem ipsum dolor sit amet + go outside + bleach + lol + gay + retard + autistic + reported + ask deez + ez clap + straight cash + idgaf + ratio again + stay mad + read FAQ + youre lost + you “re” + stay pressed + reverse double take back + pedophile + cancelled + done for + don't give a damn + get a job + sus + baka + sussy baka + get blocked + mad free + freer than air + furry + rip bozo + you're a (insert stereotype) + slight\_smile + aired + cringe again + Super Idol的笑容 + mad cuz bad + my pronouns are xe, xem & xyr + irrelevant + deal with it + screencapped your bio + karen/kyle + jealous + you're deaf + balls + i'll be right back + go ahead whine about it + not straight + eat paper + you lose + count to three + your problem + no one cares + log off + don't care even more + sex offender + sex defender + get religion + not okay + glhf + NFT owner + you make bad memes + problematic + fall in line + dog water + you look like a wall + you don’t know 2 + 2 with yo head ass + you are going to my cringe compilation + you can’t count to five + try again + you failed kindergarten + rickrolled + no lifer + guten freunden schickt man einen deutschen panzer + you have a anime profile picture + an\* + fatherless + motherless + sisterless + brotherless + orphan + you can't catch this ratio + catch some bitches + I don't care about your opinion + genshin player + you dress like garbage + 日本語がお上手ですね + get fucked + you can’t understand what the word intelligence means with your dumb ass + you have hair + queued + put some thought into what you're going to do with that + stfu + go to bed + yes, i'm taller than you + i think your joke is funny + i rejected your mother's advances + marooned + you can’t read + I win + final ratio

balls

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TLDR: balls

Whenever I see the 💀 emoji I seriously can't help myself from getting supremely bricked up. Its huge, pleading eyes are pleading for my cock in its throat. It looks like it's almost gonna cry from how bad it wants a huge dick rammed down its throat. Whenever my girlfriend sends me the 💀 emoji on Discord it's an INSTANT turn on. No matter what I'm doing or where I am, it's game over if I see 💀. I instantly have a MASSIVE throbbing erection. Just writing this I'm hard as a rock, and typing the emoji myself has me about to bust. Honestly it can be kind of embarrassing at times, like if my mom or sister sends the 💀 emoji in a supposedly "innocent" way, like in a text asking me to get them something from the store. It's becoming a bit of a problem and will be extremely awkward if either of them were ever to notice my fetish for the 💀 emoji. Does anyone else experience a deep, insatiable craving and sexual longing for the 💀 emoji? Btw i'm not necro

Ok so I'm not gay but I'm Swedish and have a fantasy where Germany win world war two and Sweden needs to export aryan twink boipussy slaves to high ranking SS officers for pleasure. I imagine I'm a shy little blonde twink with smooth pale skin and being brought into komedant heinrichs bedroom to give him pleasure. He is a tall broad shoulders kraut with a jawline that could cut a diamond and with massive daddy muscles and I'm a pathetic skinny little boipussy twink. He pulls me into his arms force kissing me and pressing my chest against his. He pins me down on the bed tearing my cute lil virgin panties off, he has waited for this for a long time. He teases my boipussy with his massive thicc German cock and then he goes all in. Fucking me with a force I've never felt before. Every thrust makes him moan with pleasure. I love the fact I give him pleasure. He cums deep into my sissy swede guts, breeding my booty hole then he cuddles me with his strong masculine German arms until I fall asleep on his chest.

Any other straight guys have similar fantasies?

Whenever I see the 🥺 emoji I seriously can't help myself from getting supremely bricked up. Its huge, pleading eyes are pleading for my cock in its throat. It looks like it's almost gonna cry from how bad it wants a huge dick rammed down its throat. Whenever my girlfriend sends me the 🥺 emoji on Discord it's an INSTANT turn on. No matter what I'm doing or where I am, it's game over if I see 🥺. I instantly have a MASSIVE throbbing erection. Just writing this I'm hard as a rock, and typing the emoji myself has me about to bust. Honestly it can be kind of embarrassing at times, like if my mom or sister sends the 🥺 emoji in a supposedly "innocent" way, like in a text asking me to get them something from the store. It's becoming a bit of a problem and will be extremely awkward if either of them were ever to notice my fetish for the 🥺 emoji. Does anyone else experience a deep, insatiable craving and sexual longing for the 🥺 emoji?

You know, I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masturbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like "what the fuck" and "call the police". I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masturbating together at this one image. Eventually we stopped masturbating, but the cops arrived. The cops also started masturbating. If I only had not dropped my phone.

Hi my name is Carmen
Winstead. I'm 17 years old, I
am very similar to you. Did I
mention to you that I'm
dead? A few years ago a
group of girls pushed me
down a sewer hole to try and
embarrass me. When I didn't
come back up the police
came.The girl said that I had
fell and everyone believed
them. The police found my
body in the sewer. I had a
broken neck and my face
was torn off, Send this
message to 15 people after
you listened the whole
message if you value your
lie. A boy called David
received this message. He
Just left and deleted it When
he was in the shower he
heard laughing. My laughter.
He got really scared and
rushed to his phone to
repost this message but he
was too late, The next
morning his mom entered
his bedroom and all she
found was a message
written in his blood saying
You will never have him
back'. No one has found his
body yet because he is with
me. A girl called Charlotte
received this message and
she immediately sent it to 25
people, 10 more than
required. I still watch over
every second of her life to
make sure that she is safe
and to keep her and
everyone close to her out of
danger.

Realistically, how large is Thanos's penis? Would it scale to the size of the average human's? Because if we take the average penis length of United States males (5.8 inches) times Thanos's height (eight feet, according to Marvel) divided by the average height a United States male (five feet nine inches. Nice) we get a disappointing eight inches, and honestly? That doesn't seem right. A powerful being like Thanos to have the size of your average dildo? Pathetic. If I'd had to wager a guess, I'd say it's a foot long at the very least, although he could probably enlarge it with the Gauntlet. I'd imagine that if Thanos were to bang an Earth woman, the size of his penis and force of the pounding would literally kill her. Also, would the head of his dangly be the same color as his skin, or would it be a darker purple? Are his balls cracked the same was his chin is? I've been wondering these questions and more since I saw the movie, and have not been free of them since.

You can be a butthole, drive a big-ass truck, you can make pee-pee yellow like a duck, masturbate on chaturbate there ain’t no trick, you just gotta do it, brick by brick. Brick by brick, suck my dick, no matter how thin, no matter how thick, papa fucked mama, and Laura fucked Nick, you can jizz a fountain, if you do it brick by brick. Faster than a motherboard bigger than a billboard, louder than a dj, farting all night, pedal to the M E T A L, eat banana peel, you’re in the driver’s seat, and you’re behind the seat, brick by brick suck my dick, (and cock), no matter how thin, no matter how thick, papa fucked mama, and Laura gave a B.J., you can shit a mountain of you do it brick by brick. *Distorted music solo* the ambulance was stolen look’s like the brickster’s plan is to fuck up the town *brickster laughs*. Are ya gay boi it’s a riot, dude! Click on this ad let’s go for a whirl. We’re gonna cruse the island there’s something you should know, there ain’t no island you’re gonna get trolled. Brick by brick, suck my dick, no matter how thin, no matter how thick. Papa fucked mama, and Laura sucks dick, you can make some babies, if ya do it in the road. I built a sex machine, red yellow and black (and even black), there ain’t no anal. All around the island we’re going. We’re going Round the island x7. Let’s fuck it up again, brick by brick, suck my dick, no matter how thin, no matter how thick, papa fucked mama, and Laura had a baby, you can shit a mountain, you can jizz a fountain, you can shit a mountain, if you do it brick by brick. Nick blew a big load into Laura’s mouth

I knew a milf that had sex with retards. it was her hobby and she was open about it. she told me that it felt wonderful being able to provide romantic love and intimacy for people who struggled so hard to understand the world. The way she described it was that it was like being fucked by an animal, since they operate on instinct when it comes to sex. Most are chronic masturbators and are desensitized to sustained contact, so retards fuck hard and long, and they’re very selfish in bed. She enjoyed seducing them and the way they reacted when she let on that she was serious and wanted them to mount her. She told me that she never used condoms when she had sex with retards, not because she liked them, but because it was degrading and thrilling for such a terribly misshapen person to cum inside of her and get her pregnant. According to her, she had aborted 15 retard babies over the years. Think about that. Think about how much sex with retards she had to have been having to get knocked up with downy sperm 15 times. she was incredibly hot even at 45 but after knowing that possibly a hundred or more retards had their way with her and had cum inside her, I couldn’t bring myself to have sex with her. She seemed really into me though, and I’m not really sure why.

*sound made by large animals usually made when feeling the emotion known as anger or asserting dominance* x3 *commits the action of gently rubbing against the front surface between your neck and abdomen with the part of the human body used for smelling material possessions known as a “nose”* Greetings sexual partner, may I ask how you are doing on this afternoon? *swoops on to your body imitating the action felines are known for committing* The temperature of your body is rather warm today o3o *acknowledges the large bump on the location of your pants in between the legs* o: It appears someone is feeling rather joyful ;) *proceeds to rub the nose against the part of the human body connecting the head to the rest of the body*~ *imitates sound felines make when they feel the emotion known as joy~ *emits sound normally done when joyful that releases feel good chemicals* *moves hand back and forth on the surface of the rather large bump that has appeared on the crease or hollow at the junction of the inner part of each thigh with the trunk, together with the adjacent region and often including the external genitals* The bump that has appeared on your groin is rather large in size :oooo *continues to move the end part of the arm beyond the wrist, including the palm, fingers, and thumb on the bump that has appeared on your groin* It appears that the bump on your groin doesn’t stop growing and expanding in size ·///· *commits the action of touching with the lips as a sign of love, sexual desire, reverence, or greeting and rubs the muscular organ in the mouth used for tasting against the part of your body used for connecting the head to the rest of the body* I hope father enjoys the actions I am committing (; *rubs the human nose against your body* I very much hope father enjoys the actions I am committing $: *moves the buttocks up and down and side to side with small rapid movements* I would love to be given the opportunity of looking at father’s genitalia~ *moves buttocks up and down and side to side* It appears that I have an uncomfortable, irritating sensation that creates an urge to scratch on a specific part of my body o3o *moves the extension of my spine used to balance and stay warm rapidly to and fro* Sexual partner, it would be splendid if you could scratch the irritating sensation on my body~ *places animal foot on the front surface of your body between your neck and abdomen* imitates sound that cats emit that can mean multiple different things~ This irritated sensation in particular is seven itches in length *moves the end part of the human arm beyond the wrist, including the palm fingers etc back and forth on the front surface of the human body* May I ask that you please help me scratch this irritated sensation? *wriggles and twists body from side to side* I beg and plead you, may you please scratch this irritation? *face showing signs of displeasure* It appears that I must be inflicted a penalty as retribution for an offense *moves animal feet from the top of your front surface between your neck and abdomen to the bottom of it, as well as squeezes opening for food intake and used for sound and speech with the hard resistant structures occurring on the jaws and in or around the mouth and pharynx areas of vertebrates* I need to be inflicted a penalty as retribution for an offense a huge amount~ *places the animal foot on the bulge occurring on your crotch as I rub my muscular organ used for tasting back and forth on my opening for food intake and speech* It appears I am feeling a need to consume liquid. I would love to digest some of the liquid that comes out of a cows udders. *unbuttons your trousers as the layer of tissue in my eye that reflects visible light back through the retina glow* You have a very strong and sweet odor :v *rubs muscular organ used for tasting and speech against your genitalia* I love the sweet and strong odor you have *drops saliva uncontrollably from the mouth in multiple different places on your male genitalia* I enjoy your genitalia, father. *erotically strokes your genitalia* The part of your genitalia known as the testicles has an extraordinary amount of hair strands, so much to the point where you could go under the title of “Mr. Fuzzy Balls” *places the projecting nose and mouth of an animal on the human testicles and inhales the scent of it passionately and deeply* It appears my male genitalia has started to become solid due to blood flowing into it and filling the spaces~ *rubs the human tongue against the part of male genitalia known as the testicles* I would be most grateful if you inflicted a penalty for an offense onto me~ *imitates sound felines make which can mean many different things*~ *twists body from side to side and moves buttocks* I enjoy the sweet and strong odor that is contained in you *squeezes the two fleshy parts which form the upper and lower edges of the opening of the mouth with the resistant structures occurring on the jaws and can be in or around the mouth* I beg and plead you, please inflict a penalty upon me *rubs the muscular organ used for tasting on the human lips* *imitates the sound a feline makes which can mean many different things a second time~* *draws the tip of your male genitalia into the mouth by contracting the muscles of the lip and mouth to make a partial vacuum* The taste of your genitalia is rather splendid *consumes the ejaculation that release from the penis before the climax* The semen escaping from the penis has the taste of salty and scrumptious~ *human organs used for looking at different materials perform the action of rolling back into the head* *performs the action of putting the human penis into the mouth, so far to the point where the testicles are the only visible part of the genitalia left* *continues to emit a low sound used to express sexual pleasure, as well as putting the human penis into the mouth through a suction force produced by movements of the lips and tongue*

EL BICHO⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿⣦⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢻⣿⣿⠂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣴⣿⣿⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⠀

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿⢿⣷⠒⠲⣾⣾⣿⣿

⠀⠀⠀⠀⣴⣿⠟⠁⠀⢿⣿⠁⣿⣿⣿⠻⣿⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀

⠀⠀⣠⡾⠟⠁⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣸⣿⣿⣿⣆⠙⢿⣷⡀⠀⠀

⣰⡿⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠉⠻⣿⡀

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆⠂⠀

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⡿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡄⠀⠀⠀

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⣿⠿⠟⠀⠀⠻⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⡿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢿⣿⡀⠀⠀⠀

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣷⡀⠀⠀

⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣿⠟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣿⣧⠀⠀

⠀⠀⠀⢀⣿⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣿⣆⠀

⠀⠀⠠⢾⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣷⡤⠄

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¡SIIUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

My mom has a new boyfriend and recently he said that "NFTs are ugly cartoons" and a "multi level marketing scheme for virgins". When I tried to explain the fundamentals of the blockchain he said he "right clicked on your mom's pussy last night". Any advice?

#The Italian Who Went To Malta

#(Must be read with an Italian accent)

One day ima gonna Malta to bigga hotel. Ina morning I go down to eat breakfast. I tella waitress I wanna two pissis toast. She brings me only one piss. I tella her I want two piss. She say go to the toilet. Isay you no understand. I wanna to piss onna plate. You sonna ma bitch. I don't even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch.

Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and knife but no fock. I tell her I wanna fock. She tell me everyone wanna fock. I tell her you no under stand. I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch. So I go back to my room inna hotel and there is no shits onna my bed. I Call the manager and tella him I wanna shit. He tell me to goto toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna shit on my bed. He say you better not shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch.

I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say:" Peace on you" I say piss on you too, you sonna ma bitch. I gonna back to Italy.

So first me and my cousins recently play it but we started asking it real deep questions and it said yes to everything. At this point I was real creeped out because they have a upstairs at their house and we asked it was it upstairs and it said yes and then after that we heard a weird noise coming from upstairs then we all ran out the house. Then we heard it say ho ho ho and we got even more scared. So then recently I downloaded on my phone and I asked it does it know we're j live and it said yes then I asked it was it a pervert and it said yes. The last thing I asked was did it love god and it said no so then I quickly deleted it off my phone and I rated it one star and that's why I'm writing this review. I also think they should ban this game I don't think it is safe for kids. 🥲🥲🤨🤨🤨 It’s pretty suspicious to me. Guys don’t download this game it’s creepy

I don’t see why all these greasy nerds think Aloe from the transformers dinosaurs game is not feminine enough. She just needs a strong body and an aggressive attitude! Those are the type if women who give the best fucks. I’m sure she’s mad at men saying she isn’t feminine enough so I would let Aloe take her anger out on me! When she gives me that handjob she gives me the meanest jerk. When she rides me and kisses me I’m like a struggling subasaur getting eaten alive by the domisaurus rex!

STOP FUCKING PINGING ME HERE HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM I DON'T WANT FUCKING PINGS IN #admin-fuury-stash DO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKING FURRY RETARD?!!!!??!!

ITS PRESIDENTS DAY SLUTS!! 🚨🚨🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸time to hop onto that founding father dick🍆🍆🍆👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻👴🏻or should i say founding DADDIES!!!😩😩😩🙌🙌👅👅💦💦 out here tryna get rammed from behind 🍑🍑🍑🍑harder than the rock of MOUNT RUSHMORE☄️☄️⛰🏔🏔george washington mightve been able to survive the harsh ❄️❄️🌬winters🌬❄️❄️ of valley forge, but can he handle the conditions between the sheets🌪💑❓❓❓be the monica Lewinsky 🙋🏻to my bill clinton🙋‍♂️ baby and i wont deny i had 🍆🍆♋️sexual relations♋️🍆🍆 with you!!! crack the whip down harder on your bae than ronald Reagan did on welfare programs💸💸🤷🏼‍♂️🤷🏼‍♂️🤷🏼‍♂️✍🏻send this to FIVE of your baddest presidential PRINCESSES👸🏼🇺🇸🇺🇸👸🏼who will throw the nastiest neck🍆🍆😩😩🙌🙌🌬💦 on this AMERICAN BEAUT OF A DAY😊😊💙🚨❤️ if you get 10 back, be prepared for the president to enter the oval office of you PUSSY tonight🐱🐱💦💦🙌😩😩😩😩😩🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸