Oh these? My boobies? My massive fucking tiddies? My super stuffed up milkies? My hunger-bunger doinky boinkies? My fucking fabric stretching, wind flapping, gravity welling, sex moons? You mean these super duper ultra hypergoddamnmotherfucking-

My nuts have detached from my body, I was in my bedroom messing around with my Rias body pillow when all of a sudden one of the broken threads from all the years of intense pickle pounding latched on to my grotesque testicles. It grabbed them with a tremendous force so flabbergasting that it ripped my balls right off. However it is very convenient because now I can fuck my body pillow to my greatest desire without making a mess!

Dick should be measured in volume. Think about it. If someone has a 20cm dick but only like 3cm in diameter its not that much dick. I get it would be harder to measure. You could probably use the formula of a truncted cone or cylinder.
If you fill a measuring jug full, put your dick in it so it overflows and measure how much water displaced you could find the volume of your dick that way. That’s how archimedes would do it

Okay guys so basically I usually keep my giant delicious melanated super sausage at home or in the car, but today I decided to embrace body positivity by reeling it all up like a gardening hose and dragging it into planet fitness. From the second I walked through the door, women were giving me stares. Some spontaneously orgasmed as they watched me pile my monumental member next to the squat rack while I prepped for a new PR, others (Karens) recoiled with disgust and began filming me. I didn’t mind though, until one came up to me with an angry look on her face and said “THIS IS FOR GIVING US BILL COSBY AND BILL CLINTON!” Suddenly she pulled out a comically large pair of scissors and began maneuvering them towards my monsterously massive man meat. Being 30 ft away from her, all I could do was shut my eyes and brace for the inevitable, but the inevitable never came, for a voice broke out and said “BEGONE WENCH, YOUR FOUL DICK ENVY HAS LED YOU TO YOUR DOOM” I looked up and there stood Jordan Peterson, shirtless with the physique of a Greek god, lifting the angry woman over his head, “NOW PERISH EVILDOER” he said as he brought her down against his knee causing her to break in half and explode. As everyone clapped Jordan walked over to me; “I can’t thank you enough!” I said to him, “There’s just one thing I need from you…” replied Jordan “… and it‘s better than a thank you…” suddenly Jordan Peterson began passionately making out with me, giving me an erection which split the building in half and displaced the position of the moon. Once he whipped his wide wiggly whale of a whang we began having passionate straight sex (We kept our socks on) until Former US president Barrack Obama walked in; “Boys, let me be clear, never in my life, have I ever had the err.. Honor of Meeting two great men who… Exemplify American values more than you two. I will be officially welcoming you both into the American Big Dick society.” Said Obama. “Wow Obama” I said “So you’ve got a big dick too?” “Err I’m afraid not fellas, I’m here on behalf of my wife Michelle, who unfortunately can’t be here due to getter her massive cock tangled in the blades of our private helicopter. “I guess it really is like they say…” Said Jordan Peterson, “The Penis mightier than the sword” All three of us shared a laugh before jumping into the air for an epic high five, our cocks flopping behind us.

THE END (True story)

https://discord.gg/mYQMHuymRt

I was raised in the united states 🇺🇸 but soy half mexican 🇲🇽 and as a latinx the word "latinos" is offensive and racist towards mis fellow compañeros 💅🏾, please stop using ableist words and instead respect the non-binary latinx community, gracias 🙄

Also, why are latinxs using racist words like "negro" all the time 😣 spanish needs a reform and get rid of all the sexist and ableist terms ASAP 🥺😁 i hope my fellow amigos can be aware of this problem and raise awareness about racism 🤬 in the spanish lenguaje 💁🏾‍♀️🌮🇲🇽

Guys I'm horny haha!! W-why aren't you laughing?! Why are you leaving come back!! B-but i did the funny!! See! I can recite exactly where this image came from because i spend all my time searching through e621! Arent i funny! Look! Its funny cuz the caption is clearly a diversion from the fact that im addicted to furry porn!! G-guys?? Where are you going?? What do you mean cropped yiff memes are stale?! They only started trending in like 2015!! Theyre still funny!! W-wait what if i just post actual yiff of my sona?? No no wait! Its funny i swear!

It was a dark and stormy night. I had just gotten out of the shower and I was ready for bed. I took off my garments and I dove under the covers to drift into what I believed would be a blissful rest. However during my hours of unconsciousness, my brain started becoming more active. I lay there as I drifted into a dream where I was surrounded by people. I had no idea who these people were but they were all just they’re not really doing anything. After a few minutes of awkward silence I spoke up and asked one of the people what is going on. The man that I had asked turned towards me and looked deep into my eyes and sported a small grin. He said “nous sommes français”. I immediately jumped backwards. Everyone in the crowd started looking in my direction and I tried to run but I’m surrounded on all sides. I looked up into the sky and I said god if you are real please take me out of this hellish nightmare. As the moment started going by the crowd soon started closing in on me and I was becoming crushed. Right as I was about to draw my last breath before being suffocated by the pressure of the people around me I woke up sweating in the middle of the night. Lightning flashed outside and I pinched myself to make sure I was out of my nightmare. I can’t believe that I thought French people were real.

sigh

Infinite cum. You sit on the toilet to jack off, but you begin to cum uncontrollably. After ten spurts you start to worry. Your hand is sticky and it reeks of semen. You desperately shove your dick into a wad of toilet paper, but that only makes your balls hurt. The cum accelerates. It’s been three minutes. You can’t stop cumming. Your bathroom floor is covered in a thin layer of baby fluid. You try to cum into the shower drain but it builds up too fast. You try the toilet. The cum is too thick to be flushed. You lock the bathroom door to prevent the cum from escaping. The air grows hot and humid from the cum. The cum accelerates. You slip and fall in your own sperm. The cum is now six inches deep, almost as long as your still-erect semen hose. Sprawled on your back, you begin to cum all over the ceiling. Globs of the sticky white fluid begin to fall like raindrops, giving you a facial with your own cum. The cum accelerates. You struggle to stand as the force of the cum begins to propel you backwards as if you were on a bukkake themed slip-and-slide. Still on your knees, the cum is now at chin height. To avoid drowning you open the bathroom door. The deluge of man juice reminds you of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919, only with cum instead of molasses. The cum accelerates. It’s been two hours. Your children and wife scream in terror as their bodies are engulfed by the snow-white sludge. Your youngest child goes under, with viscous bubbles and muffled cries rising from the goop. You plead to God to end your suffering. The cum accelerates. You squeeze your dick to stop the cum, but it begins to leak out of your asshole instead. You let go. The force of the cum tears your urethra open, leaving only a gaping hole in your crotch that spews semen. Your body picks up speed as it slides backwards along the cum. You smash through the wall, hurtling into the sky at thirty miles an hour. From a bird’s eye view you see your house is completely white. Your neighbor calls the cops. The cum accelerates. As you continue to ascend, you spot police cars racing towards your house. The cops pull out their guns and take aim, but stray loads of cum hit them in the eyes, blinding them. The cum accelerates. You are now at an altitude of 1000 feet. The SWAT team arrives. Military helicopters circle you. Hundreds of bullets pierce your body at once, yet you stay conscious. Your testicles have now grown into a substitute brain. The cum accelerates. It has been two days. With your body now destroyed, the cum begins to spray in all directions. You break the sound barrier. The government deploys fighter jets to chase you down, but the impact of your cum sends one plane crashing to the ground. The government decides to let you leave the earth. You feel your gonads start to burn up as you reach the edges of the atmosphere. You narrowly miss the ISS, giving it a new white paint job as you fly past. Physicists struggle to calculate your erratic trajectory. The cum accelerates. The cum begins to gravitate towards itself, forming a comet trail of semen. Astronomers begin calling you the “Cummet.” You are stuck in space forever, stripped of your body and senses, forced to endure an eternity of cumshots. Eventually, you stop thinking.

Everytime I see miss amogus I am really turned on and wanted to beat my meat to that sussy ass that miss amogus shows to me. Miss Amogus also makes me cum every second I see her, and also when I think about her everytime. Life is all about her now and I think if world didn't have miss amogus, my entire life will not become romantically sus. I honestly very like sussy miss amogus because when I wiggle my sussy dick, miss amogus will become susly turned on and I have seggs with miss amogus. And when I grow up I wanted to marry miss amogus and have a sussy big family that lives sussily ever after. I have planned this thing ever since I was born into this world because when I got out of my mom's pussy, I saw miss amogus in the next bed to me wiggling her big boobs to me and beinv such a baby atm I got turned on and my dick really went bedrock hard and on the spot I go jumped out of the doctor's arms to miss amogus' pussy and I smashed my bedrock hard dick into miss amogus' wombs and gosh miss amogus was a virgin at the time, I'm glad I took her virginity and she feels the same too. It's like we were destined to be with each other.

I really like miss amogus and she feels the same and I hope our relationship goes very well throughout the years.

oh my god i couldn't watch even three seconds of this without absolutely melting the inside of my jorts. My cum came out so hot and so quickly when I saw the sus imposter. fuck i love amogus. when sus cyan plays with oranges sexy crotch lips i couldn't help myself but cum a second time. then i thought i was done and orange flipped around to go into doggy style and i came a THIRD and final time. the amount of cum that got on my among us toys/plushies i will post a pic on r/references

With infinite. You sit on the toilet to get it out, but you start to feel overwhelmed. After ten batches you start to worry. Your hand is sticky and smells like a scent. You clutter your organ in toilet paper pads, but it only damages your hair. It is slowing down. Three minutes have passed. You Can't Stop Working The floor of your bathroom is covered with a thin layer of baby. You try to throw a bathtub, but it is ready very quickly. Try the toilet. Very handy for washing the top. You can close the bathroom door to prevent semen from coming out. The air coming out of the semen is warm and humid. It is slowing down. You fall and fall into your own sperm. The depth of the mini is now six inches, generally the length of the mini proboscis that is still tight. As you stretch your back, you begin to slide over the wall. Droplets of viscous white liquid begin to drop as rain drops, giving you the face of a lotus. It is slowing down. You are struggling to stand up because the low force starts pushing you back as if you were buckling and sliding. Still low on your knees, the height of the toes. To prevent drowning, open the bathroom door. The Man Juice Flood reminds you of the flood of 1919, with only the Gem instead of the Goth. It is slowing down. Two hours passed. Your children and their wives are screaming in fear as if their bodies were covered with white clay. Your little ones are having babies, clinging to sticky bubbles and cuddling. Pray to God to end your suffering. It is slowing down. You strain your organs to stop semen, but instead it starts to run out of dishes. You can take the semen force to cause the urine to clot, causing the sperm to come out. As your body grows back, it speeds up. You're hitting the wall, jumping into the sky at a speed of thirty miles an hour. From a bird's eye view, your whole house looks white. Your neighbor calls the police. It is slowing down. As you climb, you see police cars rushing to your home. The police drop their weapons and shoot at them, but their eyes catch sight and they go blind. It is slowing down. You are now 1,000 feet high. SWAT Team Arrival Military helicopters are all around you. Hundreds of pills enter your body at the same time, but you stay awake. Cells are now transformed into the brain. It is slowing down. It's been two days. Now that your body is destroyed, the sperm begin to spray in all directions. You are breaking down the noise barrier. The government appoints warplanes to chase after you, but under the influence of the Vice President, a plane lands on the ground. The government decided to give you the land. When gonados reach the edge of the atmosphere, you think they start to burn. You can at least miss the International Space Station, which will get a new flying job in flight. Physicists struggle to figure out their random path. It is slowing down. The semen begins to gravitate to itself, forming the semen's tail. The astronauts call you Komet. You are permanently trapped in space, your body and your senses are exhausted, millionaires are bound to endure eternity. Finally, you stop thinking.

I’m sick and tired or hearing this argument. That one billion lions can somehow defeat all Pokémon in a battle. One billion isn’t that much. There’s like seven billion people on the planet. I can go hours driving in central America without a single sighting of human life. Arceus can create Pokémon with his mind. Lions are barely smarter than my house cat. Have you ever seen a cat? If you dip it in water it basically shits itself. What a lion gonna do when a Squirtle starts blasting. They literally lie around all day and sometimes fail to catch a fast gazelle. Pokémon can fucking fly. The opposing argument to this is “bUt WhAT wILL ThEY dO aGaiNSt a Giant lion ladder. You telling me those mother fuckers are gonna band together? Telepathically? To form a giant fucking ladder to reach the atmosphere? How are they gonna control that shit? What are they gonna do when they stack this giant lion ladder. A gust of wind will knock one off and the ladders gone. Lions aren’t capable of defeating humans. We just shoot them. All it would take would be for one dragon Pokémon to cause the next mass extinction event by using Draco Meteor. I mean literally, Pokémon can literally spawn meteors and shift and render Time and Space. Gardevoir can literally create black holes. That would send the lions to the void and the whole earth along with it. You literally can’t say these little runts can take down all Pokémon. I’m pretty sure like oddish can take down a thousand lions alone. Pokémon don’t even die. You literally just heal them and they’re back to normal. Do you know how many Pokémon just heal each other? For fun? You poke a lion in the eyes and it’s basically useless. Hows this mother fucker gonna beat the god of the new world. Ditto can just clone itself into one billion lions and the Pokémon have already won. Pikachu can summon thunder bolts at will. Even baby Pokémon like that are doing their job. Half the lions are gonna just eat each other or fall into the ocean and drown. How the hell is a lion gonna survive in colder climates. Here’s the answer: They Won’t. The Pokémon just walk 50 feet north of the equator and the lions just collapse. What are they gonna do against a hyper beam? What are they gonna do against a flamethrower? What are they going to do about portals that literally go straight to hell. I would literally bet my entire life savings on this fight. This ain’t jake paul in the ring. It’s a bunch of lions against One of the strongest collections of mythical creatures humanity has ever created. Necrozma can and has eaten the sun. What a lion gonna do when Ho-Oh sets the earth on fire. Roar? Scratch the fire? There has never been a more lopsided fight ever created.

I'm a simp for my only fans queen.

I literally pay her several hundred dollars a month to degrade me over webcam, show me her feet and make fun of my tiny penis. She sends me all kinds of pictures and demands that I pleasure myself in degrading ways. She's my mean dommy mommy and if I'm good and humiliate myself for her she'll reward me.

I've bought several pairs of her panties and bras, one of her old dildos and several pairs of her shoes and socks. I gave her all my my covid-19 stimulus money. Every cent. There have been months where I've had to cut back on food to make rent because I paid my goddess as much as I could.

I'd give all of my earthly possessions if I could experience her domming me in real life. I want her to step on my testicles until I'm in fucking agony.

No one in my life knows I give a woman I've never met in person at least $800 a month. I don't regret being her pay piggy though. It's what I deserve and mistress is kind to her piggy when I do what she commands.

So… uhhh… my dad caught me wanking… So he caught me at the dead of night (12 to be precise). I was about to start right after I got warmed up then BOOM! The door opens opens and the person I least expected to see was MY DAD. He went, “Hey what are you doing!?”. There was a huge silence at first and then he realized what I was up to and said in a very desperate voice: "C- can I... join you?" While me shuts the laptop: “GO AWAY”. There was an awkward silence. Me with my pants still down told myself loudly that I wanna die. Tfg the lights were off. My dad then proceeds to get pillow casings from my closet and then leaves. While I then proceed to go on and type this and ask, “Reddit, AITA? And WTF should I do when morning comes?!!?!?!?”

I dunno if she’s autistic or genuinely trolling. On stream she’s completely normal, but with these she exaggerates all her mannerisms and fondles her body so much it seems like she’s just taking the piss. Honest to God pisses me off that the admins even bother uploading her content when she still hasn’t showed us her cock.

I remember I once heard the phrase "beat your meat" when I was 12 and heard it felt good so when I was alone I punched my balls as hard as I could then cried for an hour and threw up on the floor

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡴⠊⠉⠉⢉⠏⠻⣍⠑⢲⠢⠤⣄⣀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣻⣿⢟⣽⠿⠯⠛⡸⢹⠀⢹⠒⣊⡡⠜⠓⠢⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡜⣿⣷⣽⠓⠀⢠⢂⣣⠋⠂⣾⠼⢌⠳⢄⢀⡠⠜⣣⡀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⢻⢱⣭⠷⠤⢅⠴⣡⡻⠃⠀⢠⠁⠀⢀⡱⠜⠍⢔⠊⠀⠹⡄⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣷⠌⠚⠷⠆⠠⠶⠭⢒⣁⠀⣤⠃⣀⢔⢋⡤⠊⠑⣄⠳⣄⠀⣧⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⠦⣀⡤⣄⠄⢄⣀⣠⣒⢦⡄⠩⠷⠦⠊⠀⠀⠀⠈⠣⡏⠢⣿⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⢫⠟⣝⠞⣼⢲⡞⣞⠋⠋⠉⠋⠓⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣨⠂⢸⡅ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⠃⡨⠊⢀⡠⡌⢘⢇⠞⠀⠀⠀⠀⠂⠡⡄⠀⠀⢀⠞⢁⠔⢹⡇ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣣⠞⢀⠔⢡⢢⠇⡘⠌⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⡌⠢⡔⢁⡴⠁⠀⢸⠃ ⠀⠀⠀⢠⠟⠁⠠⢊⠔⣡⢸⠀⠃⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣯⠂⡀⢪⡀⠀⠀⢸⠀ ⠀⢀⠔⣁⠐⠨⠀⠀⠈⠀⢄⠘⡀⠀⠈⢆⠀⠀⠀⠀⡠⢁⠜⠙⢦⠙⣦⠀⢸⠀ ⡴⠁⠘⡁⣀⡡⠀⠀⠴⠒⠗⠋⠉⠉⡆⠀⠆⠄⠄⠘⠀⡎⠀⠀⠀⠑⢅⠑⢼⡀ ⢯⣉⣓⠒⠒⠤⠤⣄⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⠐⠁⠀⠀⠀⠒⠀⢀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⣌⣇ ⠀⠈⢳⠄⠈⠀⠤⢄⣀⠀⢈⣉⡹⠯⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠂⠀⠀⡠⠚⣡⡿ ⠀⢠⣋⣀⣀⣀⣀⠤⠭⢛⡩⠄⠒⠩⠂⢀⠄⠀⠀⠀⠈⢢⡀⠀⡠⠋⡩⠋⠀⢳ ⠀⢹⠤⠬⠤⠬⠭⣉⣉⢃⠀⠀⣀⣀⠀⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⡞⢺⡈⠋⡢⠊⠀⠀⠀⢸ ⠀⠈⡆⠁⢀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠋⠉⠓⠂⠤⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡧⠊⡠⠦⡈⠳⢄⠀⠀⠈ ⠀⠀⢹⡜⠀⠁⠀⠀⠒⢤⡄⠤⠔⠶⠒⠛⠧⠀⠀⡼⡠⠊⠀⠀⠙⢦⡈⠳⡄⠀ ⠀⠀⢸⠆⠀⠈⠀⠠⠀⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡜⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⢄⠈⢲ ⠀⠀⢸⢀⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡄⠊⢠⠃⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⡢⣸ ⠀⠀⠈⠳⣤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠁⠒⠁⠀⠠⣏⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣔⠾⡿⠃ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠙⠛⠒⠤⠤⣤⣄⣀⣀⣀⣔⣢⣀⣉⣂⣀⣀⣠⠴⠿⠛⠋⠀

Sorry (Hi for my bad English)

So if you would eat your own cum will you actually turn into a game character or did my uncle just say that while fucking Me in the ass

Well here's a tiny story about us fucking (I am a man #penis)



______Sunday at 04:20______

*I sat on the toilet*
-I was moaning in pain while pooping-
*My uncle walked in *
-he said "Sorry I didn't know you where pooping" I said don't worry-

_____Sunday 04:21_____

*He looked at my backpack and saw a big purple dick in my backpack*
-He said " do you know what uncle's do"-
I said no
-Meanwhile he grabbed my ass and undressed me he putted his giant dick inside my ass-


_____sunday 04:22____

*It felt so good so I was moaning my brain said more more and also said stop stop*

-He suddenly stopped and cummed all over my face-

Then I got back home

_____monday 06:69_____

*I told my biology teacher how good it felt*

-she called child support and got my uncle in prison for life-


Is this normal I am a man?