Everyday i wake up at 4:20pm, the sun beaming on my face as it almost sets for the night, i look to the left, i see the one. The only. King julian. As I get out of my bed I am greeted with my tens of thousands of posters of king julian cascading down my bedroom walls. I go to brush my teeth. Only. using my limited edition 2006 King julian toothpaste with my 10 year old madagascar toothbrush. They say you can never grow out of some obsessions, but king Julian... he’s NOT an obsession he is a passion, a lust, a desire.

As I go about my day every little thing reminds me of him. Whenever my coworkers tell me to “move it” for the 5th time in the last 20 seconds because I really don’t do much at my job i’m only reminded of my one true love. Julian. The days have gotten longer and unbearable because I haven’t seen him in person. His voice, I miss it so much. That beautiful raspy soulful tone. I miss when he sung me to sleep every day. But ever since I moved from Madagascar, things haven’t been the same and never will be the same.

I love you King Julian.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s4etb0

Soo we 👥 had 👊💦 some 🔥 hot ⚠️ steamie♨ sex😂🍆💦 and I 😊 was playing ❣️ and biting 😬 her butt 🍑. She 👩🏻 was bendy over ↘️ doggy 🐕 position and i 👀 started 😂 eating 👅 out 👸 her 💩 shit 🕳 and licking 😋 up 🙅 her 👩 butt... 🍑 and as a got closer 🤡 to ➡️ her 👩 butt 🍑 hole ⛳, I 😌 got 🤤 more 😖 turned 🔄🔄 on ✔ and she 🙅‍♀️ clearly 💯 got more 🥴 turned 😍 on. 🥺 In the 🔥 heat 🥵 of the moment 😳 I went 👣 for 👻 it 💦 and in ❗ the moment 😳 is was awesome. 😛 However now™ I 😡 feel... 😤 like I 👥 did 🤔 something 😈 wrong✝⛪✝. ❌ It a weird 👽 feeling. 😌 Neither ❌ if us 🎎 have discussed 🤝 it and we both 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♀️ acted 💃🕺 fine 😒 afterwards💦💏💦.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s4en0u

Hello, my name is JoshCube, and I am wanting to get some opinions of some of the reddit members here. I am thinking about setting a world record for most anime characters a person masturbated to (and got an orgasm), but there are about two things I'm a bit concerned about. First, do you think a world record like this is pointless? One of the reasons I am doing this is to get a laugh out of people. The second thing I am concerned about are people thinking that I am faking my masturbation recordings. There currently is no camera placed on my dick since I realized that the male audience may not go for it. I have the recordings of myself masturbating with my dick off the camera at the moment. I am recording myself, because I want to have proof that I did this. But yeah, in general, do you think this is alright; worth it; or pointless?

Looking to hear from some users. Thanks.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s46kau

Did you really just tell me to alt f4? That’s funny man. Unfortunately for you, I’m pretty much a tech wizard. I know more about computers than you ever will, and I’m only in middle school lol! You’re probably shaking in your NON-GAMING chair. Do you even know what SSD means lol? Go watch some Linus Tech Tips, and get back to me when you’ve acquired 1% of my nearly infinite knowledge.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s4cc2m

Every time we throw parties at my house for frats I stand in the corner crying because the cute sorority girls don’t understand I would spill the blood of my newborn without hesitation to gain the ability to run a straight line faster than anyone else, there is a start and there is a finish no twist curves or hills, I just have the life goal of obtaining the absolute ability to always be at the finish line before anyone else for no reason other than to say I did it. You can’t beat me, your mom can’t beat me, your sister can’t beat me, and that dumb bitch Rebecca sipping on her vodka redbull has no chance, and she’ll know once I go over and start talking to her about the complexities of the force velocity curve and why she needs to find a balance between high force and high velocity movements to achieve the best adaptations. When she starts trying to walk away I’ll ask where she’s going and then when she says where she’s going, but she’s actually definitely not she’s just running away from me, I’ll get there first, and there’s nothing she can do about it, because she’s weak and slow and didn’t know I did drop jumps two days ago to take advantage of the slight super compensation from low volume power training. They don’t understand why I’m so I obsessed with running in a straight line so fast, but it doesn’t matter, because I can run the line faster than them.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s4au6s

I just can't understand how people actually take an insult when it is used as an anime name. You're not even able to maintain a normal relationship with a girl and you are hyped for an anime called "rent a girlfriend" which means you're so desperate and awful that you need to RENT a relationship and nothing else, but RENT it not even buy it cuz you're not only a virgin but also a broke worthless piece of shit who can't afford a permanent purchase. Now don't even get me started about what a shithead you might be to actually like this anime and wait for its next season because it's not only so bad and generic, it's also telling you that having a real girlfriend isn't an option for you anymore - which might be true because you're watching a trash anime about renting a humanxhuman relationship and you're a nerd.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s4ami0

god fucking damn it I want Itto from Genshin to vore me so bad

big strong man with great personality just picking me up by my tail, dropping me in his mouth letting me slide all the way down to his warm stomach

he'd probably tell me how strong I am before eating me despite playing with my weak little mouse body

I know I'm projecting myself as small and weak in this but imagine seeing his stomach expand after voring me, or a couple other travellers

taking a break from battle to just lay down with me in his stomach. maybe rubbing his belly too and other belly play

I feel like he's one to tease the prey before voring. like dangling me over his mouth or petting me before I go inside his warm stomach

​

I'm rambling. gotta stop myself

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s496yx

how many fucking times do i have to repeat myself that piracy is wrong. pirating is wrong. stealing things others made is wrong. why is that so fucking hard to understand? people take time out of their lives and work hard to make things and you just go off STEALING it like a fucking LOWLIFE are you happy with yourself? are you proud? do you think you deserve a fucking medal? well i dont, im having you reported to the server staff AND authorities. have fun rotting in prison, you pathetic piece of shit

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s47wb8

Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masturbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masturbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s460tb

123456
123456789
picture1
password
12345678
111111
123123
12345
1234567890
senha
1234567
qwerty
abc123
Million2
000000
1234
iloveyou
aaron431
password1
qqww1122
123
omgpop
123321
654321
qwertyuiop
qwer123456
123456a
a123456
666666
asdfghjkl
ashley
987654321
unknown
zxcvbnm
112233
chatbooks
20100728
123123123
princess
jacket025
evite
123abc
123qwe
sunshine
121212
dragon
1q2w3e4r
5201314
159753
123456789
pokemon
qwerty123
Bangbang123
jobandtalent
monkey
1qaz2wsx
abcd1234
default
aaaaaa
soccer
123654
ohmnamah23
12345678910
zing
shadow
102030
11111111
asdfgh
147258369
qazwsx
qwe123
michael
football
baseball
1q2w3e4r5t
party
daniel
asdasd
222222
myspace1
asd123
555555
a123456789
888888
7777777
fuckyou
1234qwer
superman
147258
999999
159357
love123
tigger
purple
samantha
charlie
babygirl
88888888
jordan23
789456123
jordan
anhyeuem
killer
basketball
michelle
1q2w3e
lol123
qwerty1
789456
6655321
nicole
naruto
master
chocolate
maggieown
computer
hannah
jessica
123456789a
password123
hunter
686584
iloveyou1
987654321
justin
cookie
hello
blink182
andrew
25251325
love
987654
bailey
princess1
123456
101010
12341234
a801016
1111
1111111
anthony
yugioh
fuckyou1
amanda
asdf1234
trustno1
butterfly
x4ivygA51F
iloveu
batman
starwars
summer
michael1
00000000
lovely
jakcgt333
buster
jennifer
babygirl1
family
456789
azerty
andrea
q1w2e3r4
qwer1234
hello123
10203
matthew
pepper
12345a
letmein
joshua
131313
123456b
madison
Sample123
777777
football1
jesus1
taylor
b123456
whatever
welcome
ginger
flower
333333
1111111111
robert
samsung
a12345
loveme
gabriel
alexander
cheese
passw0rd
142536
peanut
11223344
thomas
angel1

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s45sfy

As a former tournament winner and semi professional Halo player (had a child early so had to quit playing) I can notice your subtle movements and I think that alot of people who criticize you and talk smack can't even see these subtle moves you make, which speaks volumes in their skill levels as well as to the skill levels of streamers they glorify (no offense to those streamers). But when watching your gameplay and seeing your movements and the movements of the survivors and the way you all mind game and how the survivors know how to perfectly extend loops shows just how big of a difference in skill your matches are vs others..

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s43e84

I watched you the whole night. The third time you farted was so adorable I touched myself a little.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s429t7

I jacked it to Ruby from Max and Ruby when I was 15

When I was 15 I watched Max and ruby with my friends (we were watching stuff we remembered from early childhood) and one of my friends jokingly said “First one to nut gets 10 bucks” I decided to try, within a few minutes I nutted to Ruby.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s41r35

I am still shaking from a few minutes ago, rhis is what happened:
I went to go do my normal jerk off routine this arvo and everything is going welll, not great, not good, but as expected . So when i jerk off i hsve some paper towel scraps that I geyser into, sometimes for multiple uses. I prefer paper towel because it is sort of a cross between a sock and toilet paper. Not too weak but not too strong and you can recycle it which i assume is good for the earth. So, i grab my used papertowel square and I infold it from the crusty clump it was, and I geyser straight into it without ever looking and guess what i guess a little jumping spider snuck into it and made a little cum cave house. I geysered right all over the poor bugger and Im sure it just ruined his whole day, i tried wiping the cum off it but it wouldnt stop jumping around so fuck you asshole i tried to save you and you wouldnt let me. Im so pissed and sad i feel like i want to vomit because I love spiders but i also love to cum and i guess I accidentslly collided those worlds together and the outcome is pretty lame

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s404nu

I wish to turn into an inkling girl from Splatoon and be sold to a very hot man as his pet. Only for him to become very aroused while washing my vagina and start having sex with me furiously.

woomy\~! WOOMY\~! WOOMIEEEEEEEEE\~! \*came\*

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s3z5he

I have done it, 80 years and not a single nut bust. Thanks to my incredible goal i have obtained an iq of 156 which i have used to build a pc that deletes system 32 when it loads any type of NSFW. I’m currently in a hospital bed dying of terminal disease, however, this is a victory as in 72 hours i’m expected to die. Wish me luck in this final run.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s3xfcn

I spend 5 hours masturbating before my prostate exams. I edge and edge and edge, until a butterfly sneezing on my taint will bring me to orgasm. I tactfully shuffle my way to the doctor's office and when he lubes up I nearly cum three time but I've trained my kugel muscles enough to the point where I can hold the Mount Vesuvius wrath. Then, as soon as he puts the smallest bit of pressure on my prostate, I unleash with the fury of a lion hunting its prey. As the room gets covered in my hot, sticky juices, the doctor looks disgusted and leaves the room. I always go to a hospital far away from where I live so that I don't have to go in for surgery under the doctor that I busted to. Best thing is, we have free healthcare here, so the doctor gets me off and it's covered by tax payers. That's my fetish.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s3we5y

1. Archduke Ferdinand is murdered,
causing World War 1.
2. The Allies win WW1, imposing the Treaty
of Versailles on Germany.
3. This causes tension between Germany
and the rest of Europe, something Adolf
Hitler takes advantage of and begins WW2.
4. Japan joins the axis in WW2 in order to
expand their empire.
5. The Axis is defeated, and Japan comes
under US occupation.
6. American soldiers bring comic books,
cartoons, and other American mediums
to Japan which stay behind even after the
occupation is over.
7. Post-WW2 Japan imposes strict
censorship laws that include the banning of
most conventional porn.
8. Japanese citizens retaliate by drawing
comics with women having sex with vaguely
penis-shaped objects like tentacles to
exploit loopholes in the law.
9. It establishes itself as a fetish even after
the laws are relaxed, and so Hentai was born.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s3usz6

"Fuck you and your fucking religion. You worship a lie written by Bronze Age goat herders 3000 years ago, you fucking loser. Aww, the little theist loser needs his little Bible book because you're terrified of death, you fucking scared piece of shit. That's fucking pathetic. You're an adult, and you believe some backwards bullshit. Like, imagine believing in the Jedi Star Wars religion, for example, so why is it okay to worship your fake fucking Christianity bullshit? It's no different. But, while fuck Christianity that doesn't give the rest a fucking pass. Fuck Islam, Fuck Judaism, Fuck Catholicism, Fuck Mormonism, Fuck Shintoism, Fuck Taoism, Fuck Hinduism Fuck Druze, Fuck Jainism, Fuck Buddhism. Stop fucking believing in this make believenonsense and follow the real world; science. As a closing statement, I'm glad your pathetic little religions are dying everywhere. While Islam is still growing as of now, it won't last, thank fuck. Young Arabs, Malaysians Indonesians, Pakistanis, Indian, etc are less religious than ever, so are young Europeans, Filipinos and Americans and Latin Americans. Your only pathetic little strongholds are in poor African countries which you'd never live in, the only place where your shitty faith is growing. The rest of the world is leaving your shit, rationalism is growing. Gods aren't real. If they were, your religions wouldn't be dying and I wouldn't be sitting here, perfectly unharmed as I blaspheme your faith. Feel powerless yet?
Fuck you." - Reddit Intellectual, 2022

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s3sm15

ciao rega, lo sapete che, in termini di accoppiamento tra umani maschi e pokèmon femminili, vaporeon è il pokèmon più compatibile per gli umani?, non solo sono nel gruppo delle uova di campo (non so come tradurre field egg xd), che comprende per la maggiorparte i mammiferi, i Vaporeon sono alti in media 99 centimetri (3 piedi e 3 pollici) e pesano 28 kg. Questo significa che sono abbastanza larghi da poter sopportare i cazzi umani, e con la loro impressionante statistica base di HP e accesso a "Armatura Acida", potresti pure andarci pesante con uno. A causa della loro biologia principalmente a base d'acqua, non c'è alcun dubbio che un Vaporeon arrapato potrebbe essere incredibilmente bagnato, cosi bagnato che tu potresti scoparne uno per ore senza avere un'irritazione. Possono anche imparare mosse come "Attract", "Baby-Doll eyes", "Captivate", "Charm" e "Tail Whip" (fanculo non traduco le mosse) insieme al fatto che non hanno una pelliccia per nascondere i capezzoli, fanno in modo che sia molto facile farti entrare nel "Mood". Con le loro abilità come idratazione e assorbimento d'acqua, loro posso facilmente riprendersi dalla fatica con abbastanza acqua. Nessun altro Pokèmon va così vicino a questo livello di compatibiltà. Inoltre, fun fact: se gli sborri dentro abbastanza potresti fare diventare un Vaporeon Bianco (uno shiny molto particolare). Vaporeon è letteralmente fatto per i cazzi umani. Una difesa divina + tanti hp + Armatura Acida vuol dire che può prender cazzi per tutto il giorno, di tutte le taglie, forme e ancora volerne di più.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s3ryln