I love fucking cats sooo much. The way their tight little asshole feels, the way they cry, meow, whine, for me to stop. God DAMN its just so hot. Every time i see any cat, anywhere, i think about myself now fucking that cat until i cum in its tight little asshole. Wether that cat be a kitten or full grown, doesnt matter.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s3qgp5

Fuck you. You useless piece of shit. You absolute waste of space and air. You uneducated, ignorant, idiotic dumb swine, you’re an absolute embarrassment to humanity and all life as a whole. The magnitude of your failure just now is so indescribably massive that one hundred years into the future your name will be used as moniker of evil for heretics. Even if all of humanity put together their collective intelligence there is no conceivable way they could have thought up a way to fuck up on the unimaginable scale you just did. When Jesus died for our sins, he must not have seen the sacrilegious act we just witnessed you performing, because if he did he would have forsaken humanity long ago so that your birth may have never become reality. After you die, your skeleton will be displayed in a museum after being scientifically researched so that all future generations may learn not to generate your bone structure, because every tiny detail anyone may have in common with you degrades them to a useless piece of trash and a burden to society. No wonder your father questioned whether or not your were truly his son, for you'd have to not be a waste of carbon matter for anyone to love you like a family member. Your birth made it so that mankind is worse of in every way you can possibly imagine, and you have made it so that society can never really recover into a state of organization. Everything has forever fallen into a bewildering chaos, through which unrecognizable core, you can only find misfortune. I would say the apocalypse is upon us but this is merely the closest word humans have for the sheer scale of horror that is now reality. You have forever condemned everyone you love and know into an eternal state of suffering, worse than any human concept of hell. You are such an unholy being, that if you step within a one hundred foot radius of a holy place or a place that has ever been deemed important by anyone, your distorted sac religious soul will ruin whatever meaning it ever had beyond repair. You are an idiotic, shiteating, dumbass ape and no one has ever loved you. Rhodes Island would have been better off if you'd never joined us. You are a lying, backstabbing, cowardly useless piece of shit and I hate you with every single part of my being. Even this worlds finest writers and poets from throughout the ages could never hope to accurately describe the scale on which you just fucked up, and how incredibly idiotic you are. Anyone that believes in any religion out there should now realize that they have been wrong this entire time, for if divine beings were real, they would never have allowed a being such as you to stain the earth and this universe. In the future there will be horror stories made about you, with the scariest part of them being that the reader has to realize that such an indescribable monster actually exists, and that the horrific events from the movie have actually taken place in the same world that they live in right now. You are the absolute embodiment of everything that has ever been wrong on this earth, yet you manage to make it so that that is only a small part of the evil that is your being. Never in the history of mankind has there been anyone that could have predicted such an eldrich abomination, but here you are. It’s hard to believe that I am seeing such an incredible failure with my own eyes, but here I am, so unfortunately I cannot deny your existence. Even if I did my very best, my vocabulary is not able to describe the sheer magnitude of the idiotic mistake that is you. Even if time travel some day will be invented, there still would not be a single soul willing to go back in time to before this moment to fix history, because having to witness such incredible horrors if they failed would have to many mental and physical drawbacks that not even the bravest soul in history would be willing to risk it. I cannot imagine the pure dread your mother must have felt when she had to carry a baby for nine months and then giving birth to such a wretched monster as you. Not a single word of the incoherent, illogical rambling you may be wanting to do to defend yourself or apologize would ever be able to make up for what you just did. The countries of the world would have wanted to make laws preventing such a terrible event like this from ever happening again, but sadly this is not possible since your horrific actions just now have shattered every form of order this world once had, making concepts such as laws irrelevant. Right from the moment I first set my eyes on you I knew you were an absolute abomination of everything that is wrong with humanity. I was hoping I would have been able to prevent your evil from being released upon this world by tagging along and keeping my eye on you, but it is clear to me now that not even the greatest efforts would have been able to prevent a terrible event in this scale from occurring. You are the worst human being, or even just being in general, that I have ever had the misfortune of witnessing. Events like the infected plague apparently only happened with the goal of teaching humanity to survive such a horrible event as the one you just created, but not even mankind’s greatest trials were able to even slightly prepare anyone for the insufferable evil you have just created. If you ever had them, your children would be preemptively killed to protect this universe from the possibility of anyone in your bloodline being even half as bad as you are, except you will never be able to have children, because not a single human being will ever want to come within a hundred mile radius of you and anything you have ever touched. You are a colossal disappointment not only to your parents, but to your ancestors and entire bloodline. The disgusting mistake that you have just made is so incredibly terrible that everyone who would ever be to hear about it would spontaneously feel an indescribable mixture of immense anger, fear and anxiety that emotionally and physically they would never truly be the same ever again. The sheer scale of your mistake, if ever to be materialized, would not only surpass the size of the world, but it would reach far beyond the edges of the known, and almost certainly the unknown universe. I could sit here and write paragraphs, nay, books describing your immense failure, yet even if I were to dedicate my life to describing the reality of what has just gone down here, and I would spend every moment of it until my heart stops beating working as hard and efficiently as possible, yet there is not even a snowballs chance in hell that I would be able to come close to transcribing the absolute shitshow you have just released upon the world. You are an irresponsible, idiotic, disgusting, unloved, horrible excuse for a living being who’s soul contains less humanity than every ginger in history combined. The absolute disgust I feel when thinking about anything that has even a slight resemblance to anything that might have to do with you and your unholy actions is so incredibly great that when I am honest about it I think that even I do not posses a consciousness great enough to comprehend my own feelings about it. When people of Columbia fought to break free from Lungmen, countless soldiers fought and lost their lives in favor of a chance at a better future for their children, they did not give their lives to have you fuck the world up beyond repair to the degree that you are doing right now. Honestly, even when technology advances and studies on the subject become more and more accurate, I do not think humanity will ever truly be able to understand what your failure actually means for the universe. My hate for you and everything you stand for is so much deeper than the depths of Shambala that you could probably take the entire Lungmen population down there and back up around twenty million times before you would have sunk to the end of my hate, and honestly, I do not want to exaggerate, but I think that that insult was low balling it such a massive amount that all mountains in this world combined would not be able to stack up to this imprecise judgement in light of the fact that when being honest, my hate is almost certainly bottomless. There is no one in this world that has ever loved you, and especially after what you just did, no one will ever love you in the future either. There is no hope that your idiotic behavior and especially your crooked soul will ever change for the better, and in fact quite the opposite might be true. By making the mistake that you just did, you have shown me that you are so incredibly hopeless that you will only devolve into a more idiotic and wretched creature than you already are. The only possible way in which your future would be brighter than the black hole your existence currently is would exclusively be because there is absolutely no conceivable way that you would even be able to sink lower than the pathetic place your current failure has put you in.

STOP USING EMOJIS

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s3pjmm

Welcome to my bathroom stall

I snort 30mg of crystal and proceed to open open up my phone to jump start my dick. Depending on cock hardness, I have to apply just the right amount of grip and lube, since if I go overboard on either of them, it makes a noisy squishy sound which would tip off my neighbors shitting on either side of me. It’s a delicate balance of these 3 variables (like a jerk-off fire triangle for all you boy scouts out there). After 15 min and 86 tabs of porn, I shut the shit off and start studying my surroundings to stimulate my specimen.

You see, American restroom stalls have these wide gaps on the doors. As I’m tugging my member, I look through the gap and play a game where I put my one good eye against the wide crack and peer through and try to match the eye level of the next guy that tries to open my locked stall. Around 15.8% of the time (n=76), some guy would try to look through the gap - that’s where I SHOCK them every time as we meet eye-to-eye merely millimeters away! The surge of adrenaline through my meth-fueled brain creates an orgasmic feeling coursing through my entire body. The victim’s sphincter inevitably squeezes shut and pinches their loaf back in their gut and they always slink away.

I’m a goddam winner. Every time. I’ll see you next time we meet in the stall, okay USA?

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s3osd3

I've seen many posts here about going outside to touch grass and having sex with it because it reminds them of Dream, so today, even if it's snowing where I live, I decided to try it, and got out of my bedroom and outside my house for the first time in 3 years. However, the grass didn't stimulate me at all - it was just green, nothing more. I walked around a bit longer, quite disappointed, until I saw it. At first I thought I was hallucinating, then I realized it was just a pine tree, but it was exactly how I imagine Daddy Dream's dick to be like: green, white tip and 150ft tall. It got me so horny, I didn't even care if it wasn't actually Dream's dick, I had to climb it and stick it all in my ass.

I took all of my clothes off and climbed to the very top of it. It was like I was on top of Dream's juicy glans, and that alone made me cum already, but I still needed to fulfill my duty. It hurt quite a bit, but I pushed hard and managed to fit the whole tip inside. I pushed a little bit more, but I couldn't anymore, it hurt so badly I thought I was gonna die. I felt deeply disappointed with myself - If I can't fit Daddy Dream's cock inside me, how can I be fit to he His husband? So here I am right now, crying, bleeding to death with 1/4 of a pine tree stuck inside my rectum, bystanders looking at me horrified and firemen trying to get me out of there, but I don't want to go. I want to let myself die here for having failed as a Dreamgender. Should I do that? Or should I let them save me so I can try to redeem myself in the eyes of Lord Dream later?

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s3nis2

Recently I can’t help but notice that an increasing number of our members don’t know how to appreciate visual novels properly any more. It can’t be helped, can it. So many are new here, some don’t even know Japanese yet. I realise full well that it is probably futile to try and make myself heard over the din of the washed masses, impossible to stem the tide of the puri-tani-fying main stream … and yet I must try. For there is one topic dear to my heart about which [confusion is running rampant](https://www.reddit.com/u/Marklord13), and I can no longer stand idly by while a vocal minority actively spreads fear, uncertainty, and doubt. That topic is …

Mosaics

As you probably know, graphical depictions of genitals in Japanese visual novels are as a rule enhanced with a mosaic \[[examples](https://imgur.com/a/5yjTjdm), obviously NSFW, faces have been obscured to avoid spoilers\].
O, how often have I heard the words “mosaic” and “censorship” uttered in the same breath among the English-speaking fandom, as if they were one and the same? That misconception among misconceptions, propagated by hapless fans who are in turn catered to by ruthless localisers. Whether the latter truly don’t know any better either or whether they’re just happy to milk their marks dry pushing an inferior product, I do not know, and it matters not. What matters is that nothing could be farther from the truth.

One popular explanation for the existence of mosaics in Japanese visual novels, all the more attractive because of how plausible it is, is that otaku artists *cannot possibly* paint genitalia, for the simple reason that none have ever seen any. To that I say from personal experience that no matter how many superfluous stone one may have, one can always inspect one’s own equipment with the help of a simple mirror … such as the Yata no Kagami, which is one of the legendary [Three Sacred Treasures](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Imperial_Regalia_of_Japan). Coincidence? I think not.
Hares and horns, we have ubiquitous 3D porn now, and all manner of anatomically correct dolls, Dutch and otherwise, realistic down to the uncanny valley. There is simply no shortage of suitable models nowadays.

No, the mosaic enhancement is applied not to censor the artwork, nor out of ignorance, but to best bring out its sublime beauty; the men and women who valiantly watch over this process are not censors, but preservers and protectors of that most subtle aesthetic that is so quintessentially Japanese. They are no more butchers of Japanese [erotica](https://www.reddit.com/r/visualnovels/comments/s3etyq/learning_to_appreciate_visual_novels_mosaics/#fg) than the immortal members of the Académie Française are butchers of the French language.
The Japanese are proud of their erotica, so proud that certain standards and and an extra—external, independent—round of quality assurance has been enshrined into law, that is all.

It is well known that Japanese H artists are masters in a [centuries-old tradition of erotic painting](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shunga), one and all. But did you know that only the heads (家元 iemoto) of its six most prestigious schools1 are allowed to apply the mosaic enhancement? They do it by hand to this day. Why d’you think HCGs, and Japanese visual novels in general, are so expensive?
At first glance all mosaics may look the same, but each school actually has its own technique, handed down in secret from head to head since time immemorial. It’s fairly easy to tell the schools apart once you know what to look for; those in the know can tell at at a glance which master applied a mosaic during which of his creative periods2 and so on. In addition, all authentic mosaics contain a brief coded comment3 on the season and weather of the day4.

The mosaics serve a vital function: to keep the delicate balance of the composition. It’s obvious when you think about it. If the mighty meat stick(s) and moisten’d meat curtains were shown as they are, why, they would dominate the image, disturb the harmony of its visual stimuli, so carefully and deliberately arranged.

You might be familiar with the concept from Japanese cuisine. The idea there, too, is to bring out each ingredient’s natural flavour, no more. The perfect dish features a flavour profile that is at once well-defined and complex, yet subtle and subdued to the point that a less refined palate may be forgiven for declaring it tasteless. Balance is key. Intense (濃い koi) flavours on the other hand are given short shrift by Japanese [epicureans](https://www.reddit.com/r/visualnovels/comments/s3etyq/learning_to_appreciate_visual_novels_mosaics/#fg)—they’re either outright mentioned as a negative or with the qualifier that a bite or two (or a sip, as the case may be) will be quite enough, thank you.
Defacing the original art by tearing off the mosaics is like going to a three-star restaurant and adding more salt to each dish before even tasting it at best (pudding included), and dumping a bottle of hot sauce over everything you eat at worst.

The mosaic is what elevates a HCG to high art in the first place. Without it, why, it’d just be *vulgar*. Who wants to look at angrily swollen red fleshy … I mean, yuck! Don’t talk to me about cultural differences, either. This sort of thing has a long tradition in Good Christian art. It may lack finesse and transparency, but the idea—and organs—behind the familiar fig leaf are the same without a doubt.

I mean, it’s understandable from a localiser’s perspective. By shipping mosaic-less HCGs they get to avoid the exorbitant royalties that are due on each and every mosaic, for the much more modest cost of pulling an intern who was loose-lipped enough to let slip that he might have a girlfriend off Twitter duty and sitting him in front of Microsoft Pain. However, why any reader would prefer such a literal hack job over the work of a mosaic master is beyond me.

Another consideration is that the appreciation of mosaics will deepen your understanding of the Japanese language. In fact, it’s the closest you’ll come to knowing Japanese without ever studying Japanese. This is because kanji are not of Chinese origin, as is commonly believed. In truth the kana came first; only once the first mosaic masters thought to apply their intricate art to them were the kanji born.

I hope you found this article informative, a light in the darkness of low-effort content. Go forth and refine your prostate so you too may bask in mosaicen glory. Thank me later.

I am the above。

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s3mj4p

Not only that, but balls smell amazing. It makes me go a little crazy on it to be honest. Like, I cannot get it far enough down my throat to be satisfied. I’m only satisfied when I feel those intense, powerful, salty, hot pumps of cum down my throat. When I sit back on my heels, look up at you with cum all over my mouth and slobber running down my neck, hair all fucked up and wipe my mouth with the back of my arm and ask you if I did a good job and you cannot even speak because I’ve drained all of your energy out the tip of your dick….. That’s when I’m satisfied.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s3mflw

Hello SnK fans, my name is amoured and here I am to discuss why Mikasa is a transwoman. By the way, this is no hate for Mikasa and I'm just here to discuss why she is a transwoman. You can give me any hurtful comment but this doesn't change my view on Mikasa.


Reason 1: She has the face of a man.
amoured just because she has the face of man, you get to judge her for her face, right? You're wrong, since in this picture:
[https://image.myanimelist.net/ui/9EJEfZOID2Jf88GEpEwuRu1XWDXVvrVvWkmx9fbontdYfcCXCSyzfBC5jkCqWKGpUT8KmIgcHaBmI-Jmbe8L4twHHPAkxTj\_Rs97g9lY50mfPgaspKA0vuFd1upUgF5kRfXKbUsmPzKpFXMmtfhkEwB6lVQ88QFM6Rvje4tsJ5w](https://image.myanimelist.net/ui/9EJEfZOID2Jf88GEpEwuRu1XWDXVvrVvWkmx9fbontdYfcCXCSyzfBC5jkCqWKGpUT8KmIgcHaBmI-Jmbe8L4twHHPAkxTj_Rs97g9lY50mfPgaspKA0vuFd1upUgF5kRfXKbUsmPzKpFXMmtfhkEwB6lVQ88QFM6Rvje4tsJ5w)

She definitely looks like a man and in this picture 4 years before War on Marley she looks like this:
[https://image.myanimelist.net/ui/9EJEfZOID2Jf88GEpEwuRu1XWDXVvrVvWkmx9fbontdYfcCXCSyzfBC5jkCqWKGpJ7E3SCWVizXcHQnNvItBj3lF4zNefq2MAQN9F5pGM2k20SrVj976na8iYP3MqH-2J6zDUOwYrqa8hj6p0MbgoQ](https://image.myanimelist.net/ui/9EJEfZOID2Jf88GEpEwuRu1XWDXVvrVvWkmx9fbontdYfcCXCSyzfBC5jkCqWKGpJ7E3SCWVizXcHQnNvItBj3lF4zNefq2MAQN9F5pGM2k20SrVj976na8iYP3MqH-2J6zDUOwYrqa8hj6p0MbgoQ)

This is the fact that before the Marley war, Mikasa is taking some hormone pills to look feminine. And in these manga panel, I'll show you why she looks feminine in the past and manly in the present:
[https://image.myanimelist.net/ui/9EJEfZOID2Jf88GEpEwuRu1XWDXVvrVvWkmx9fbontdYfcCXCSyzfBC5jkCqWKGplrI\_3k6Frj3XG-r3udtYLQBpn95ay7G6iM0JI3X-\_UgiRuBQ4IVloDlzy0qObbfhsSVZaoHBLr7Q\_TSjlyEwSQ](https://image.myanimelist.net/ui/9EJEfZOID2Jf88GEpEwuRu1XWDXVvrVvWkmx9fbontdYfcCXCSyzfBC5jkCqWKGplrI_3k6Frj3XG-r3udtYLQBpn95ay7G6iM0JI3X-_UgiRuBQ4IVloDlzy0qObbfhsSVZaoHBLr7Q_TSjlyEwSQ)

[https://image.myanimelist.net/ui/9EJEfZOID2Jf88GEpEwuRu1XWDXVvrVvWkmx9fbontdYfcCXCSyzfBC5jkCqWKGpyR78BFlrSnyDd5a5jSAmHlc3i-zJX3l1HHnwTOFXUVkGt6JVu5vaVDwYOxtf9dokkjfhP63NCzSKTBVP3U-zSA](https://image.myanimelist.net/ui/9EJEfZOID2Jf88GEpEwuRu1XWDXVvrVvWkmx9fbontdYfcCXCSyzfBC5jkCqWKGpyR78BFlrSnyDd5a5jSAmHlc3i-zJX3l1HHnwTOFXUVkGt6JVu5vaVDwYOxtf9dokkjfhP63NCzSKTBVP3U-zSA)

Coincidence? I don't think so.


Reason 2: She has an abs that looks like it's a man abs.
I'm not saying girls doesn't have abs, I know for a fact that girls can have abs too. But isn't it weird that Mikasa got an abs that's looking like it was from a man? Here's picture of Mikasa's workout:
[https://image.myanimelist.net/ui/9EJEfZOID2Jf88GEpEwuRu1XWDXVvrVvWkmx9fbontdYfcCXCSyzfBC5jkCqWKGpft0zcinNXbOv7V0I\_I9hotQqwQ4c\_ohoPhCzCBjEy-LHoZYBhZZQP4WpvzIfG85FcHK8KYaqAe5qQkOKQysllw](https://image.myanimelist.net/ui/9EJEfZOID2Jf88GEpEwuRu1XWDXVvrVvWkmx9fbontdYfcCXCSyzfBC5jkCqWKGpft0zcinNXbOv7V0I_I9hotQqwQ4c_ohoPhCzCBjEy-LHoZYBhZZQP4WpvzIfG85FcHK8KYaqAe5qQkOKQysllw)

And here's a woman's abs:
[https://image.myanimelist.net/ui/9EJEfZOID2Jf88GEpEwuRu1XWDXVvrVvWkmx9fbontdYfcCXCSyzfBC5jkCqWKGpT6y8S7tE6Yv308omXBR0\_MT\_1\_hGvzJLvrZ-hF3tIHY\_xfrBkqq10V4GvIpjMg5utm65cGANdTgFCSGhN8pmHQ](https://image.myanimelist.net/ui/9EJEfZOID2Jf88GEpEwuRu1XWDXVvrVvWkmx9fbontdYfcCXCSyzfBC5jkCqWKGpT6y8S7tE6Yv308omXBR0_MT_1_hGvzJLvrZ-hF3tIHY_xfrBkqq10V4GvIpjMg5utm65cGANdTgFCSGhN8pmHQ)

And here's a man's abs for comparison:
[https://image.myanimelist.net/ui/9EJEfZOID2Jf88GEpEwuRu1XWDXVvrVvWkmx9fbontdYfcCXCSyzfBC5jkCqWKGpxOW86IWZGCIVM7YuNJM72V\_p9UhimdA0ObPETc6nJrXWJc9Bi-XUlfqxOSkS1T6ETZqKAKUnnf3W5VRHmjJzcw](https://image.myanimelist.net/ui/9EJEfZOID2Jf88GEpEwuRu1XWDXVvrVvWkmx9fbontdYfcCXCSyzfBC5jkCqWKGpxOW86IWZGCIVM7YuNJM72V_p9UhimdA0ObPETc6nJrXWJc9Bi-XUlfqxOSkS1T6ETZqKAKUnnf3W5VRHmjJzcw)

As you can see, Mikasa's abs resembles more of a man than a woman, and this is a fact that she is a transwoman.


Reason 3: She is strong.
According to my research, Mikasa can carry 1200 kg or 1.3 tons from the railroad scene. And an average woman in elite level can carry 52 kg or 0.057 tons and an average man can carry 79 kg or 0.871 tons and that's crazy! And the heaviest lift is 501 kg which is much much lower than what Mikasa did and it is the fact that Mikasa is stronger than both men and women which proves that she is in fact a transwoman.


Reason 4: She is tall.
Sorry to the tall girls out here reading this post if I offended you but I think that Mikasa being tall means she's a man. Why do I think of that? Mikasa's height is 175 cm or roughly 5' 9 while other female characters in the universe like Historia is 145 cm or 4'9 and Annie is 153 cm or 5'0. I know there are other characters like Ymir who is 172 cm or 5'8 and Hange's height is 170 cm or 5'7 and both of these characters are man. So which means that Mikasa is also a man due to her tall height.


Reason 5: She has short hair.
I'm not telling girls doesn't have short hair or anything but look at Mikasa's preferred hair has been in the short side. Look at her hair before The Marley War, she has been on the short hair side which means she was a bit feminine and on the present, she sports a haircut of a man. Hange and Ymir still has their long hair even though both of them are men. This means that Mikasa has always like her short hair and this means that she is what I stated in the title.


Alright, since from the start, I always wanted to make this thread when Last Season came out on 2020 and this is the only time I have made this thread to say my factual reasons why Mikasa is and I quote "a transwoman". I won't be posting in this thread no more and won't be elaborating on any to what I said since I have presented all of the evidence. Thank you for reading this post and have good day.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s3koym

I am still shaking from a few minutes ago, rhis is what happened: I went to go do my normal jerk off routine this arvo and everything is going welll, not great, not good, but as expected . So when i jerk off i hsve some paper towel scraps that I geyser into, sometimes for multiple uses. I prefer paper towel because it is sort of a cross between a sock and toilet paper. Not too weak but not too strong and you can recycle it which i assume is good for the earth. So, i grab my used papertowel square and I infold it from the crusty clump it was, and I geyser straight into it without ever looking and guess what i guess a little jumping spider snuck into it and made a little cum cave house. I geysered right all over the poor bugger and Im sure it just ruined his whole day, i tried wiping the cum off it but it wouldnt stop jumping around so fuck you asshole i tried to save you and you wouldnt let me. Im so pissed and sad i feel like i want to vomit because I love spiders but i also love to cum and i guess I accidentslly collided those worlds together and the outcome is pretty lame

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s3k6qf

Sssniperwolf is such a baddie honestly she prob getting pounded by like 10 guys every month. No way someone sees her ass and doesn’t attempt to sleep with her. She prob gulped down like a billion black dicks you can’t deny it it’s most probably true. I would slap her ass so hard if I saw her walking down the street. God damn she is a bad bitch.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s3j7l5

YOU! ME! GAS STATION! What are we getting for dinner!? Sushi of course. UH OH! There was a roofy inside of our gas station sushi, we blackout and wake up in the sewer, we're surrounded by FISH-HORNY FISH, you know what that means: FISH ORGIE! The stench draws in a bear, what do we do? We're gonna fight it, bare handed, bear... NAKED!? OH YES PLEASE. We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl, then we ride it into a Chuck E. Cheese, DANCE DANCE Revolution, revolution!? Over throw the government!? UHh I THinK SOo. Next thing you know I'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ, then I turn into a jet, FLY into the sun, blackout again, WAKE UP, do a bump, WHITEOUT (which I didn't know you could do), smoke a joint, GREENOUT, TURN INTO THE SUN! Uh oh, looks like the meth is kicking in...DEUHBLUHHSBDUHHSBUHSBUHEUGHHUHAAAAHUEAAHAAAAAAA!!!!

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s3hmen

When I was a kid I would chew this wax and no one had to tell me. My kids however didn't want to chew the wax because they say wax isn't food. It also whitens your teeth by making all the dirts stick to the wax if you do it long enough. I like to chew these wax when I have a zoom call because it gives me an air of confidence and wealth that the other callers can't match. I'm smackin away on my wax and slurping down the wax juice and they don't know what. It's true there's no dignified way to spit it out but c'est la vie. Childbirth is messy but we still do that.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s3ghz7

^(Warning: This post may be offensive to some people.)

**Alabama** \- Sweet Home Alabama

**Alaska** \- Lowest temperature + Highest crime rate

**Arizona** \- The Grand Canyon

**Arkansas** \- Very confusing name.

**California** \- The most populated

**Colorado** \- South Park

**Connecticut** \- ESPN

**Delaware** \- Tax-free

**Florida** \- Florida man + high temperature

**Georgia** \- Peaches, Peanuts, and Pecans

**Hawaii** \- Volcanic activity

**Idaho** \- POTATOES!

**Illinois** \- Corn.

**Indiana** \- University of Norte Dame

**Iowa** \- Unpredictable weather

**Kansas** \- Tornadoes

**Kentucky** \- Fried Chicken

**Louisiana** \- Somewhat related to France

**Maine** \- Highest of the continental U.S.

**Maryland** \- The U.S. anthem

**Massachusetts** \- Boston.

**Michigan** \- Can't have shit in Detroit

**Minnesota** \- The largest mall in the U.S.

**Mississippi** \- Catfish

**Missouri** \- Peter Quill.

**Montana** \- Hannah Montana

**Nebraska** \- College Baseball World Series

**Nevada** \- Las Vegas

**New Hampshire** \- Abundant wildlife

**New Jersey** \- Italian population

**New Mexico** \- The Nuclear Bomb

**New York** \- New York City

**North Carolina** \- College basketball

**North Dakota** \- Native American culture

**Ohio** \- Roller coasters

**Oklahoma** \- Oil

**Oregon** \- The Oregon Trail

**Pennsylvania** \- Declaration of Independence

**Rhode Island** \- Really small. (and safe)

**South Carolina** \- First to secede

**South Dakota** \- Mount Rushmore

**Tennessee** \- Whiskey

**Texas** \- Remember the Alamo.

**Utah** \- Skiing

**Vermont** \- Maple syrup

**Virginia** \- Capital of Confederacy

**Washington** \- Starbucks

**West Virginia** \- Historic sites

**Wisconsin** \- Cheese.

**Wyoming** \- Least population

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s3f7t7

Hey Reddit, today I fucked up. Me (M18) and my girlfriend of three years (F17) were bored yesterday morning, so we decided to "have a bit of fun" for the first time. Yes, I know there'll be someone whining about the age, and no I don't care; given the fact that you're on Reddit, it's a safe guess that I've known this person longer than you've ever seen any woman. Anyway, we were in the middle of having a lot of fun (with protection, of course!) when my girlfriend randomly stood up and asked me to bend over. I was a bit confused, but she told me that it was just a new position to try, that's all.

I've spent the past day crying, and what happened next still feels like a fever dream. My girlfriend blindfolded me and tied me up so I couldn't move. I knew my girlfriend wouldn't use a strap on or anything gay like that, so I gave her permission to do so. Where I went wrong is that I let her gag me with a ball gag, meaning I couldn't tell her to stop. From there, I felt something weird on my arse cheeks and, stretching a little, I was able to see that she was positioning her arse against my own. At this point, I was really confused; all I could do was watch in horror at what happened after this. Using her hands, she pried my arsehole open a little. It stung like shit and, despite hearing hissing coming from me, she didn't stop, telling me the pain would only last a moment — foolishly, I believed her.

I heard the most disgusting sound I had ever heard in my life. Stretching a little move, I could see what was going on: she was shitting into my arse i.e. transferring shit from her body to mine. Stupidly, my kneejerk reaction was to try to jump up, but since I was tied down, all that happened was that my hips flicked my body up a little, which in turn flicked her up a little. This resulted in a little chunk of her shit being flung up into the air and landing right under my fucking nose, resting on my lips. At this point, I was crying, but it got worse. Suddenly, I heard the loudest fart ever, and a metric shit-ton of shit just slid right into me. My body must've been as disgusted as I was because the arsehole's reaction was to immediately contract. Unfortunately, this caused the huge log of shit to be bent into a slow-moving, molten-like ooze of shit which quickly spread all over my own and my girlfriend's arsecheeks since she had decided to bounce up and down during all of this.

I know it might be hard to believe, but that wasn't the worst part. After this fucking miserable existence, my girlfriend then decided to sit on my face and ride it. This would usually be quite fun, I'd imagine, but she instead decided to do it whilst still shitting a little, with a shit covered arse and, mind you, rubbing all of that shit that on my lips all across my face. After this, she orgasmed, kissed me goodnight, then just fucking fell asleep right there and then, leaving me tied up. She told me that, if I needed to piss or take a shit, I could just do it on her.

Like I said, I've spent the past day crying, and my girlfriend doesn't even give a shit. When I asked her why, she had the nerve to say she had already given too many shits last night. She practically raped me and still has the nerve to make a fucking shit pun.

Does anyone have any advice on what I should do next?

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s3d4im

This morning I was shaving my private part and I was using my phone camera as a mirror. Everything was going very well not until I started getting likes on Facebook.🤨🤨🤨

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s3c3on

Not just blood and gore, but erotic imagery as well.

In Return of the Jedi (1983), Boba Fett is surrounded by space bitches, so unlike most Disney+ characters he actually has a sex drive.

Boba Fett should have been stroking his cock when we first see him on his throne. I believe that was the original intention. Why else would his palace be so empty and barren? Because he wants to hear his moans echo like the boom of his weaponry.

Boba Fett's dick must be so thick. His hands most likely won't be able to fully wrap around it. I know this because it was referenced in one of the Legends novels.

My wife thinks it's gay how me and so much other fans yearn to see Boba Fett cum. I tell her to shut the fuck up as I see who will shoot first. Kids get their Marvel, mature audiences should be able to see gore and cum with Disney+, at least once.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s3ac15

My boyfriend expressed an interest in wanting to be pegged. I was very supportive but also intimidated because I don't have a lot of experience with ass play on men. But I went ahead and bought a 15 inch strap-on. It felt really strange to wear the dildo, like, awkward with this purple appendage protruding from my pelvis, pointed at my boyfriend’s poised ass. Once the dildo was inside, I checked in with him to make sure I wasn't hurting him, and he replied, 'Are you in all the way?' After I began thrusting, he said, 'I don't think this is working, it's not big enough!'”

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s39gdt

i paid this furry chick in band to drink an entire cup of ranch and she actually fucking did it, i initially offered a dollar but damnnnnn i had to double it since she went fucking crazy on that ranch, fucking had it dripping all over her chin and not gonna lie i did find it really fucking hot and popped a PHAT fucking boner because of her lol i bet you she gives crazy fucking head lol

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s38rgl

Hi!

Unfortunately, I have some bad news for you.
Several months ago, I got access to the device you are using to browse the internet.
Since that time, I have been monitoring your internet activity.

Here is the proof I hacked this email.

Being a regular visitor of adult websites, I can confirm that it is you who is responsible for this.
To keep it simple, the websites you visited provided me with access to your data.

I've uploaded a Trojan horse on the driver basis that updates its signature several times per day, to make it impossible for antivirus to detect it. Additionally, it gives me access to your camera and microphone.
Moreover, I have backed-up all the data, including photos, social media, chats and contacts.

Just recently, I came up with an awesome idea to create the video where you cum in one part of the screen, while the video was simultaneously playing on another screen. That was fun!

Rest assured that I can easily send this video to all your contacts with a few clicks, and I assume that you would like to prevent this scenario.

With that in mind, here is my proposal:
Transfer the amount equivalent to 1850 USD to my Bitcoin wallet, and I will forget about the entire thing. I will also delete all data and videos permanently.

In my opinion, this is a somewhat modest price for my work.
You can figure out how to purchase Bitcoins using search engines like Google or Bing, seeing that it's not very difficult.

My Bitcoin wallet (BTC): 1AkAjd1pphmR5NkoKNqTpRfbMzCzSXYpwp

You have 48 hours to reply and you should also bear the following in mind:

It makes no sense to reply me - the address has been generated automatically.
It makes no sense to complain either, since the letter along with my Bitcoin wallet cannot be tracked.
Everything has been orchestrated precisely.

If I ever detect that you mentioned anything about this letter to anyone - the video will be immediately shared, and your contacts will be the first to receive it. Following that, the video will be posted on the web!

P.S. The time will start once you open this letter. (This program has a built-in timer).

Good luck and take it easy! It was just bad luck, next time please be careful.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s37g9z

i have some weird fantasies, i want my waifu to piss on my mouth then lather it across my body like sunscreen and then i'll smell and suck on her warm warm panties in the morning and it'll have a strong scent like ganja, great vibe, like bro it's gonna be amazing like it'll be that open.

just thinking we'll be having sex after not having it for a year and our hormones/pheramones start working and i'll start humping her and i'll start kiss-wissing her and she'll vomit on my my face but then her vomiting will stop but there will still be some on her face [autistic screech] then i'll start licking her face like [lick and moan sound]

You understand?

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s35npu

Don’t care + didn’t ask + cry about it + stay mad + get real + L + mald seethe cope harder + ho mad + basic + skill issue + ratio + you fell off + the audacity + triggered + any askers + repelled + get a life + ok + and? + cringe + touch grass + donowalled + not based + your a (insert stereotype) + not funny didn’t laugh + you “re” + grammar issues + go outside + get good + reported + ad hominem + GG! + ask deez + ez clap + straight cash + ratio agian + final ratio + problematic

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s3442c