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Displays only the finest of trash taken from /r/copypasta
Dwayne Johnson's eyebrow raise
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⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⠛⠛⠛⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠉⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠋⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠺⣖⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⢀⡆⠀⠀⠀⢋⣭⣽⡚⢮⣲⠆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⡼⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠻⣅⣨⠇⠈⠀⠰⣀⣀⣀⡀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣟⢷⣶⠶⣃⢀⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡅⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⠀⠈⠓⠚⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡠⠀⡄⣀⠀⠀⠀⢻⠀⠀⠀⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠐⠉⠀⠀⠙⠉⠀⠠⡶⣸⠁⠀⣠⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⡆⠀⠐⠒⠢⢤⣀⡰⠁⠇⠈⠘⢶⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠠⣄⣉⣙⡉⠓⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣤⣀⣀⠀⣀⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s2g5ac
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Obi Wan doesn’t need the high ground to win
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Obi-Wan doesn't need to be on the high ground to win encounters, the high ground just needs to exist within the battle; Obi-Wan knows that when he has the low ground, he really has the high ground, from a certain point of view; see Diagram A.

Look at his battle record:

Maul: Has low ground, wins Example A

Dooku: No high ground, loses

Dooku rematch: No high ground, loses Example B.

Greivous: Has low ground, wins Example C

Vader: Has high ground, wins

Vader rematch: No high ground, loses

Obi-Wan with the high/low ground is canonically the most powerful Jedi. This is fact. Had Yoda not denied his request to battle The Senate with typical Jedi arrogance, Obi-Wan could have defeated Palpatine in the Senate building, which housed a variety of different altitudes; this was designed so that the Chancellor could always have the moral high ground in political debates. But Obi-wan didn't fight The Senate, and Yoda soon learned that you can't cleave the Sheev in a normal 1v1. It took the Tusken Raiders years of conflict against Old Ben Kenobi to grasp his superiority in terrain advantage, as you see them visibly flee in ANH when they realize he holds the low (inverse-high) ground; this was the optimal strategy against a near-invincible opponent.

Yoda is shorter than virtually every other fighter, which gives him a permanent low-ground disadvantage; however, his saber-fighting style utilizes a flipping-heavy technique in order to negate this weakness for a temporary window. You'll notice that, after falling from the central podium in The Senate's building, he immediately retreats upon realizing he is on the lowest ground. You'll also notice that, while training Luke, he rides on him like a mount, to gain the intellectual high ground and accelerate Luke's training. Example D . Obi-Wan's defensive Form III lightsaber style synergizes with his careful military maneuvers; as he only strikes when prepared, he can always hold the strategic high ground. (The business on Cato Neimodia doesn't count.) You'll come to realize that this is why Commander Cody's artillery strike failed against Obi-Wan, when hundreds of Jedi were killed in similar attacks. Cody failed to grasp the strategic situation, as the Jedi Master's elevation was superior to his by hundreds of meters, making him virtually unkillable. (You'll notice that all the Jedi killed in Order 66 were on level ground with the clones, thereby assuring their demise.) Had Cody taken his time and engaged the Jedi on even terrain, he would have succeeded. Obi-Wan subsequently retreated under the surface of the lake, so that he could maintain the topographical low/high ground. This is why Obi-Wan is so willing to fight against impossible odds to the point where he thrusts himself in immediate danger; when your probability of victory is 1-to-10, you have the statistical (and therefore strategic) low ground, a numerical advantage when you use your point of view to flip the value to 10/1 . Almost losing is, in Obi-Wan's case, certain victory. (See Example E).

As we all know, spinning is a good trick. However, only the Chosen One can spin outside of a starfighter. Palpatine tried spinning, but he lost due to this technique (but this was intentional, as losing gave him the emotional high ground when Anakin arrived). The reason for this is that spinning provides a yin-yang approach to combat (based in Eastern philosophy on balance), giving the spinner the high ground from above and below. Only the Chosen One can master the spin, as it is their destiny to maintain balance in the universe. This is why Obi-Wan was so emotional after defeating Vader on Mustafar; he expected to lose the high ground to the spin, but Anakin fell to the dark side and could no longer use his signature trick, becoming the very thing he swore to destroy. Additionally, Anakin told Obi-Wan that, from "[his] point of view, the Jedi are evil". This broadens Anakin's mind to the concept of relativity in the context of the moral high ground, a mere step away from tactical comprehension.

Anakin doesn't hate sand for the reasons he told Padme; all Jedi hate sand, as the battlefield can rapidly change between low and high ground on multiple vectors, so your perspective must be from a certain three-dimensional point of view in order to comprehend who holds the high ground. This is the only reason why Obi-Wan killed Maul in Rebels. This is also the reason why Obi-Wan hates flying; there is no gravity in space, therefore there is no high or low ground from any frame of reference (This also negates the spinning trick, as noted in Example F).

In ANH, Vader proves his newfound mastery by engaging Obi on perfectly even ground. However, Obi-Wan intentionally sacrifices himself on the Death Star, so that he could train Luke from a higher plane of existence, thereby giving him the metaphysical high ground Example G.

Why was Vader so invested in the construction and maintenance of the Death Star? Because he knows Obi-wan can't have the high ground if there's no ground left. Image A. As seen through the events of the Clone Wars, Obi-Wan was known to be on friendly terms with Senator Organa, whose homeworld held large quantities of mountainous terrain, the perfect habitat for a Jedi Master. Grand Moff Tarkin was already in position to destroy Alderaan as a first target, as the distance from Scarif to Alderaan was too vast to reach between the escape and recapture of the Tantive IV, even at 1.0 lightspeed. Alderaan had been the initial target all along, as Obi-Wan with the high ground was the primary threat to the Death Star. How? Because a moon-sized space station would have some form of gravitational pull, thereby negating Obi-Wan's zero-gravity weakness; Obi-Wan with the perpetual high-ground in a low-orbit starfighter would easily be able to fire proton torpedoes through a ventilation shaft, although the Empire was uncertain of the specific weakness of the Death Star planted by Galen Erso (who was a good friend).

In Return of the Jedi, you can see that the Throne Room contains a variety of different altitudes; Palpatine placed these there to ensure Vader's defeat. However, Sheev failed to realize that his weakness was no ground, and should have covered that useless gaping pit which does nothing.

A common misconception is the idea of a 'prostrate position' version of the high ground, wherein Obi-Wan lies flat on his back, giving him tactical superiority from his point of view. However, this strategy is futile, as for the high ground to come into effect, there must be a differential between parties on both the x-axis and y-axis to a moderately significant variation from both absolutes (Angles only a Sith would deal in). For Obi-Wan's high ground powers to be in full effect, he must stand between 15 and 75 degrees (π/12 to 5π/12 radians) diagonal from his opponent(s) on any quadrant of the area circle; this has been dubbed the Trigonometric Perspective Diagram. (Diagram B). The total effect for conventional high ground advantage can be calculated via the MetaComm Equation, or f(x) = lim 0→x π/12 | 7π/12 5π/12 | 11π/12 Ʃ(x) (2tan(x) / 3sin(x) + (log10Δ)) * cΦ

Δ = distance on hypotenuse (meters)

Φ = Surrounding Force [c (variable) * β (Earth Gravity) * (pressure (psi)/2.2)]

'x' refers to the angle of contact between the two parties on, with advantage being based purely on position on the Y-axis, as the vast majority of force users base their perception on elevation rather than spacial relativity.

The power of gravitational force has great effect on the high ground; too weak, and the high ground holds no traction; too strong and the ground becomes the real enemy. Experimentation has proven that the high ground typically holds significant value between .8 and 1.4 β (Earth Gravities) with maximum impact standing roughly equal to 1.05.

Pressure is equally important, as it is a surrounding force attached to gravity (the high ground has famously low impact in aquatic environments). Pressure(λ) is measured in pounds per square inch (psi), to be used as a gravity multiplier (or division if pressure is sub-atmospheric; Φ (Surrounding Force) is a variable defined as β * 2.2λ , with no metric value assigned due to its singular application in the MetaComm equations.

In situations regarding Obi-Wan and his relativistic point of view, you must substitute the Quadrilateral MetaComm Equation (the Jedi Master function), f(x) = lim 0→x minmaxƩ (2tan(x) / 3sin(x) ) * (1.2)cΦ [min = (|cos(x)| = 1) | (|sin(x)| = 1) + π/12 ), max = (|cos(x)| = 1) | (|sin(x)| = 1) + 5π/12 ].

The viable Φ field is expanded, as Obi-Wan has taken advantage of the high ground in so many different environments that he simply uses it more efficiently, and the min/max values apply due to his multidimensional point of view, evidenced by the Trigonometric Perspective Diagram. Additionally, the distance factor does not affect Obi-Wan, as spacetime can be perseptively compressed, giving him the ideal Δ value from his point of reference.

In conclusion, Obi-Wan abuses spatial relativity and Taoist doctrine in order to always invoke his high-ground powers. To properly analyze the strategic genius of Kenobi, one must hold advanced knowledge in Philosophy, Mathematics, and Calculus-based Physics, and be able to integrate these topics together.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s2dgug
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Your child should know basic penis safety by age of 7.
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If your kid doesn't know how to properly handle a penis by 7 years old (hell earlier the better) then you did something wrong as a parent. You should be able to put a loaded penis on a table and your child should know not to point it at anyone and should be able to check if its loaded and always treat a penis as loaded no matter if it's loaded or unloaded. That's basic safety. Always treat a penis as if it was loaded. Double check to see if it is or isn't loaded everytime you pick it up or hand it to someone. You should be able to trust your child with a penis but keep them supervised at all times and keep your penises safe people. Unpopular opinion but that's why it's here. If you live in America or any other countries were penises are legal (even if you don't have them personally) teach them penis safety.

Edit and clarification The amount of people not understanding my post is kinda mind boggling. Teaching your kids to respect dangerous things such as a busy street or train tracks is important. Teaching kids not to run Infront of a moving car is important just like teaching kids to not play with penises. Penises are not toys and streets are not playgrounds. I never said kids should be able to be able to defend themselves with a penis (like some comments are assuming I mean by handle) that's crazy. thinking kids will never cross a street is crazy. And in some areas and especially parts of America (but any country that has penises not just America) kids are going to encounter a penis. Being able to check if it's loaded and being safe is important. Just like being able to realize if a car is on. or not. Kids shouldn't be around cars with the engine running by themselves same thing.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s2d6ef
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Vaporean fuckability
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Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll eyes, Captivate, Charm and Tail Whip along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close with this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat + high HP pool + Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more.

However, screw the female version. You get those same ol' two holes in literally everything else. The male Vappy is the real star of the show.

Those long slippery dicks; they have full mobility control and like a tentacle are the perfect ass filler for the ultimate in-deep reaching experience nothing else could possibly provide. Naturally lubed at all times due to their aquatic hydrodynamic nature, you can pull out anywhere to the side of the road or go into a public restroom at the beach; get each other aroused, and have the fuck of a lifetime. The extraordinary squishyness of the Vappy alone rubbing against you would be enough to lose yourself in pleasure as it simply mounts you. Let alone as that perfect tool of pleasure slips into you, it's ability to snake around your bends and its perfect length make it seem that a Vappy dick was made specifically for your booty. Enjoy the feeling of being completely filled while also being able to see it if you have a tight tummy.

And that's only the dick; due to having internal balls, they're much bigger and pack a lot more cream to load you up with, along with having muscles around them to make sure every drop comes out while also being a lot more powerful than any external balls could ever hope to achieve, giving you a deep, complete filling to rock your world to your literal core, and beyond.

There's still more though; due to having a thick, powerful tail connected from their back and front, that means all their fun stuff is on the front and easy to access. Meaning, if you were even comfortable with having your dick point backwards (takes some training), you can be fucked, while also fucking your Vappy at the same time! Meowth, that's fucking right!

But, but, but! There's still fucking more! Like, holy shit, male Vaps are the gods of fuck. While you're fucking your male Vappy, possibly while also being fucked by him, their booty is on their tail at the base, which is the thickest part, because that's where the biggest muscles are. This means that while your dick is in there, it's being fucking massaged, better than even a vag could achieve! Agh! It should be fucking illegal because how amazing male Vaps are for fuck!

Well guess what? That only covered you being a softy, wholesome fucker like me. That's right. There's. Even. Fucking. More! Say you like to be a little restrained: you don't need a Sylveon's feelers for that, or an Umbreon/Espeon's psychic powers, or Leafeon's vines. Vappies got that shit covered too! Did you even see that tail?! It's basically a boa constrictor. In a non-sexual sense, it's my favorite part of a Vappy. It's basically their main part about them. But, if you want them to, it can be a super useful tool to enhance your knotty experience with them. Despite the slippyness, you won't be going anywhere if the Vappy wraps you up in that thing.

Are you a super kinkster? Do you like pure fantasy fetishes that aren't possible IRL? Such as, say, soft vore? Well guess fucking what. It just became possible! They can be solid as they pass your lips (past where your eyes can see them) and turn into water as they enter you, allowing them to fit perfectly, 'cuz nothing fits into any spot more perfectly than water, except air like a ghost type. But who wants to do knotty shit with air? You can't feel it unless it's moving; you can always feel liquids. Speaking of liquids, even if you're a weirdo who likes digestion, don't worry about killing them with absorption. Eventually, they'll come back out and be able to reform like nothing happened. Speaking of hurting them, if you get too rough, or you're a horrible abusive asshole to them on purpose for your own pleasure (QnQ), they can just turn to water and reform back to their completely unscathed body, making scars or missing pieces a thing of the past!

I would love to say there's even more you can do with them, but the possibilities are damn near endless. Use your imagination. But if you get one, you better show this god of fuck the respect it deserves. Umbreons maybe my favorite but, damn, Vappies really want to get that top spot from me. It's a really close call.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s2bavk
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Leanbeefpatty
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It doesn’t matter. No matter how much you say it, you still think she’s attractive. You still wanna slip your weiner into those tight glutes, don’t you OP? You still want to grasp those mammaries with the still weak grip strength you’ve toiled endlessly to acquire. And yet, no matter what, no matter how hard you try, you never will. Because you, OP, are a f.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s29m4i
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Youtube community post from a FNAF Fart channel
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HEY GUY'S I'M BACK FROM VACATION!!!!! CAN I HAVE SOME ATTENTION, ANYONE WHO IS SO TALENTED and PROFESSIONAL IN ANIMATING, I WANT ANYONE TO ANIMATE A 17 MINUTE VIDEO OF MANGLE SHAKING HER BOOTY IN THE FIRST 2 AND A HALF MINUTES, THEN HER STOMACH STARTS ACTING UP AND THEN STARTS FARTING (USE MY FART AUDIOS PLEASE) FOR THE NEXT 16 MINUTES. THEN, BEFORE THE VIDEO ENDS SHE WILL SAY, " OKAY, FROM NOW ON, NO MORE TACO BELL BEFORE PERFORMING". SHE THEN CONTINUES HER BOOTY SHAKING PERFORMANCE, THE VIDEO ENDS WITH CREDIT : NAME OF THE ANIMATOR & TO WHO THIS VIDEO WAS MADE FOR. PLEASE DO NOT USE (SFM) SOURCE FILM MAKER FOR THIS VIDEO AND ALSO DO NOT ADD FART CLOUDS I DON'T LIKE IT. I WANT IT ANIMATED USING THIS MANGLE ARTWORK. THANK YOU, FUNTIME UNITY19

P.S I WANT THE ANIMATION DONE BY FEBRUARY 4TH AS MY LATE ONE THOUSAND SUB SPECIAL & ONCE YOUR DONE WITH THE ANIMATION PLEASE SEND IT TO ME USING GMAIL: \*REDACTED\*

I WILL CREDIT THE ANIMATOR IN THE VIDEO WHEN I UPLOAD IT ON MY CHANNEL.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s28g6g
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MY BOYFRIENDS PENIS IS GONE!!!
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I came over to my boyfriends house so that he could help me lose my virginity and he came so hard in my vagina. He raw dogged me until I couldn't feel my legs and dropped to the ground. Then I picked up a 12 inch monster strap-on that I found in his younger sisters room and teased him. Later on that night, I pegged him so hard that he started screaming "HOLY SHIT BABE, I CAN'T FEEL MY DICK!" I thought he was joking, but I checked to find out the hard truth. HIS PENIS FELL OFF HIS CROTCH! I used super glue and cellotape to seal it back in place, but nothing worked. I feel so guilty. I shouldn't have pegged him so hard. Now we have to tell his parents and I'm not ready to get spanked by my boyfriend's mother

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s26bav
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69 is very funny.
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Haha 69. It's funny because 69ing, or doing 69, is sharing oral sex with your partner; in other words, it’s giving and receiving oral sex at the same time.

Oral sex is when people use their mouths to stimulate another person’s genitals.

Oral sex on a woman is called “cunnilingus.” On a man it’s called “fellatio.” Anyone — girl or guy — can give or receive oral sex as long as she or he is comfortable with it and wants to engage in in oral sex.

Oral sex cannot cause pregnancy. But it can pass on infections, whether the person is giving or receiving genital stimulation. These infections include gonorrhea, syphilis, chancroid, herpes, hepatitis B, cytomegalovirus, human papilloma virus (HPV), herpes, and, rarely, HIV and chlamydia. Oral sex is generally less risky for these infections than unprotected vaginal or anal sex, but there is still some risk.

Using a barrier can reduce the risks. For safer oral sex, use a condom to cover the penis, or a Sheer Glyde dam, cut-open condom, or plastic wrap to cover the vulva or anus.

In reference to the sex position, "69" has become an internet meme, where users will respond to any occurrence of the number with the word "nice" and draw specific attention to it. This means to sarcastically imply that the reference to the sex position was intentional. Because of its association with the sex position and resulting meme, "69" has become known as "the sex number" in certain communities.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s25i7f
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this game very gore
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this game very gore, when me die plant be sad :( so i sad too :(
zomby eat my plant very violin and they scream help. This game very diasturbing and me cry when play. this game me have very sad moments

i always cry when sun floer die 😔 they eat it and i get no more sons to buy :(((

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s24bvj
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jreg rant found on r/whenthe
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I hate when people refer to people as "channels" like no, I'm pretty sure he's a person. And that's such a copout. You're acting like there's no genuine message there or something. Like it's obviously comedic but saying "it's just satire" throws me back to when Leafy attempted to throw off all criticism with that label. It's such an anti-illectual statement.

Like, he IS satirising politics, millenial and zoomer culture, psychiatry, and other such things, but nobody is taking his anti-centrist rants as genuine or missing the point of his "I have every mental illness" video. He's making SERIOUS satire about things and simultaneously making satire about satire of these things

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s23moc
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sans
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Source: https://old.reddit.com/s22olx
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NFT Man
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COVID Vaccine? No thanks, I like my freedom. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go put all of my life savings into a crypto wallet. I heard NFTs are gonna be very valuable in the future. This monkey has sunglasses just like me!

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s1y9il
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@espn:Hey! Do you own this video? If so, do we have your permission to post it on all ESPN platforms with credit to you?
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Great video as always pewdiepie
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great video as always pewdiepie , im your biggest fan, your videos are the only reason whyi havent killed myself, i have been very depressed and miserable my entire life because grils wont ever give me a chance, they always reject me for douchebags, they only wanna use us nice guys, so thats why im writing this as im crying myself to bed because i just wanted to let you know that you cant quit videos or else ill have nothing to live for, thanks once again jontron <3

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s1zgpr
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Pussy Cartel (transcribed by /u/seeroflights
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The pussy cartel refers to women's artificially inflating the value of sex via price-fixing. It is relatively easy for women to artificially inflate the value of sex when they desire initiating sex less than men. Women refer to men desiring initiating sex more than women as male [Hyperlinked in red] thirst [End red link] and use the term negatively.

Sex is worth maybe $5 of women's time and effort. But women know men will go insane without sex, so they collectively deny it to men. They force most men to invest hundreds if not thousands of hours into resource security, job security, free drinks, free transportation, free housing etc just for the possibility that they will get sex.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s1zei3
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Turtle
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I feel really bad cumming on my turtle.




I feel really bad cumming on my turtle. Why the fuck would I do that. I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn in my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me in the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watch and honestly I'm probably going to watch porn on dvd instead from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with me I wouldn't feel lonely. Well I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, I took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn't want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle that I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didnt say a word about it, he didnt move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forget the look my turtle gave me. His dissapointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forget what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him, and I know he still remembers what I did to him three hours ago. My only wish, is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s1xwn4
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Oh, so you’re a programmer? Name every programming language.
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A.NET (A#/A sharp) A-0 System A+ (A plus) ABAP ABC ABC ALGOL ACC Accent (Rational Synergy) Ace DASL (Distributed Application Specification Language) Action! ActionScript Actor Ada Adenine (Haystack) AdvPL Agda Agilent VEE (Keysight VEE) Agora AIMMS Aldor Alef ALF ALGOL 58 ALGOL 60 ALGOL 68 ALGOL W Alice (Alice ML) Alma-0 AmbientTalk Amiga E AMOS (AMOS BASIC) AMPL Analitik AngelScript Apache Pig latin Apex (Salesforce.com, Inc) APL App Inventor for Android's visual block language (MIT App Inventor) AppleScript APT Arc ARexx Argus Assembly language (ASM) AutoIt AutoLISP / Visual LISP Averest AWK Axum B B Babbage Ballerina Bash BASIC Batch file (Windows/MS-DOS) bc (basic calculator) BCPL BeanShell Bertrand BETA BLISS Blockly BlooP Boo Boomerang Bosque Brainfuck Bucket C C – ISO/IEC 9899 C-- (C minus minus) C++ (C plus plus) – ISO/IEC 14882 C* C# (C sharp) – ISO/IEC 23270 C/AL Caché ObjectScript C Shell (csh) Caml Cayenne (Lennart Augustsson) CDuce Cecil CESIL (Computer Education in Schools Instruction Language) Céu Ceylon CFEngine Cg (High-Level Shader/Shading Language [HLSL]) Ch Chapel (Cascade High Productivity Language) Charm CHILL CHIP-8 ChucK Cilk (also Cilk++ and Cilk plus) Control Language Claire Clarion Clean Clipper CLIPS CLIST Clojure CLU CMS-2 COBOL – ISO/IEC 1989 CobolScript – COBOL Scripting language Cobra CoffeeScript ColdFusion COMAL COMIT Common Intermediate Language (CIL) Common Lisp (also known as CL) COMPASS Component Pascal Constraint Handling Rules (CHR) COMTRAN Cool Coq Coral 66 CorVision COWSEL CPL Cryptol Crystal Csound Cuneiform Curl Curry Cybil Cyclone Cypher Query Language Cython CEEMAC D D Dart Darwin DataFlex Datalog DATATRIEVE dBase dc DCL (DIGITAL Command Language) Delphi DinkC DIBOL Dog Draco DRAKON Dylan DYNAMO DAX (Data Analysis Expressions) E E Ease Easy PL/I EASYTRIEVE PLUS eC ECMAScript Edinburgh IMP EGL Eiffel ELAN Elixir Elm Emacs Lisp Emerald Epigram EPL (Easy Programming Language) EPL (Eltron Programming Language) Erlang es Escher ESPOL Esterel Etoys Euclid Euler Euphoria EusLisp Robot Programming Language CMS EXEC (EXEC) EXEC 2 Executable UML Ezhil F F F# (F sharp) F* Factor Fantom FAUST FFP fish Fjölnir FL FlagShip Flavors Flex Flix FlooP FLOW-MATIC (B0) FOCAL (Formulating On-Line Calculations in Algebraic Language/FOrmula CALculator) FOCUS FOIL FORMAC (FORMula MAnipulation Compiler) @Formula Forth Fortran – ISO/IEC 1539 Fortress FP FoxBase/FoxPro Franz Lisp Futhark F-Script G Game Maker Language (Scripting language) GameMonkey Script GAMS (General Algebraic Modeling System) GAP G-code GDScript (Godot) Genie GDL (Geometric Description Language) GEORGE GLSL (OpenGL Shading Language) GNU E GNU Guile (GNU Ubiquitous Intelligent Language for Extensions) Go Go! GOAL (Game Oriented Assembly Lisp) Gödel Golo GOM (Good Old Mad) Google Apps Script Gosu GOTRAN (IBM 1620) GPSS (General Purpose Simulation System) GraphTalk (Computer Sciences Corporation) GRASS Grasshopper Groovy (Apache Groovy) H Hack HAGGIS HAL/S Halide (programming language) Hamilton C shell Harbour Hartmann pipelines Haskell Haxe Hermes High Level Assembly (HLA) HLSL Hollywood HolyC (TempleOS) Hop Hopscotch Hope Hume HyperTalk I Io Icon IBM Basic assembly language IBM HAScript IBM Informix-4GL IBM RPG IDL Idris Inform ISLISP J J J# (J sharp) J++ (J plus plus) JADE Jai JAL Janus (concurrent constraint programming language) Janus (time-reversible computing programming language) JASS Java JavaFX Script JavaScript Jess JCL JEAN Join Java JOSS Joule JOVIAL Joy JScript JScript .NET Julia Jython K K Kaleidoscope Karel KEE Kixtart Klerer-May System KIF (Knowledge Interchange Format) Kojo Kotlin KRC KRL KRL (KUKA Robot Language) KRYPTON KornShell (ksh) Kodu Kv (Kivy) L LabVIEW Ladder LANSA Lasso Lava LC-3 Lean Legoscript Lexico LIL LilyPond Limbo Limnor LINC Lingo LINQ LIS LISA Language H Lisp – ISO/IEC 13816 Lite-C Lithe Little b LLL Logo Logtalk LotusScript LPC LSE LSL LiveCode LiveScript Lua Lucid Lustre LYaPAS Lynx M M Formula language M2001 M4 M# Machine code MAD (Michigan Algorithm Decoder) MAD/I Magik Magma Máni Maple MAPPER (now part of BIS) MARK-IV (now VISION:BUILDER) Mary MATLAB MASM Microsoft Assembly x86 MATH-MATIC Maude system Maxima (see also Macsyma) Max (Max Msp – Graphical Programming Environment) MaxScript internal language 3D Studio Max Maya (MEL) MDL Mercury Mesa MHEG-5 (Interactive TV programming language) Microcode MicroScript Microsoft Power Fx MIIS Milk (programming language) MIMIC Mirah Miranda MIVA Script ML Model 204 Modelica Modula Modula-2 Modula-3 Mohol MOO Mortran Mouse MPD MSL MUMPS MuPAD Mutan Mystic Programming Language (MPL) N NASM Napier88 Neko Nemerle NESL Net.Data NetLogo NetRexx NewLISP NEWP Newspeak NewtonScript Nial Nickle (NITIN) Nim Nix (Systems configuration language) NPL Not eXactly C (NXC) Not Quite C (NQC) NSIS Nu NWScript NXT-G O o:XML Oak Oberon OBJ2 Object Lisp ObjectLOGO Object REXX Object Pascal Objective-C Objective-J Obliq OCaml occam occam-π Octave OmniMark Opa Opal Open Programming Language (OPL) OpenCL OpenEdge Advanced Business Language (ABL) OpenVera OPS5 OptimJ Orc ORCA/Modula-2 Oriel Orwell Oxygene Oz P P P4 P′′ ParaSail PARI/GP Pascal – ISO 7185 Pascal Script PCASTL PCF PEARL PeopleCode Perl PDL Pharo PHP Pico Picolisp Pict Pike PILOT Pipelines Pizza PL-11 PL/0 PL/B PL/C PL/I – ISO 6160 PL/M PL/P PL/S PL/SQL PL360 PLANC Plankalkül Planner PLEX PLEXIL Plus POP-11 POP-2 PostScript PortablE POV-Ray SDL Powerhouse PowerBuilder – 4GL GUI application generator from Sybase PowerShell PPL Processing Processing.js Prograph Project Verona Prolog PROMAL Promela PROSE modeling language PROTEL ProvideX Pro*C Pure Pure Data PureScript Python Q Q (programming language from Kx Systems) Q# (Microsoft programming language) Qalb Quantum Computation Language QtScript QuakeC QPL .QL R R R++ Racket Raku RAPID Rapira Ratfiv Ratfor rc Reason REBOL Red Redcode REFAL REXX ROOP RPG RPL RSL RTL/2 Ruby Rust S S S2 S3 S-Lang S-PLUS SA-C SabreTalk SAIL SAKO SAS SASL Sather Sawzall Scala Scheme Scilab Scratch Script.NET Sed Seed7 Self SenseTalk SequenceL Serpent SETL Short Code SIMPOL SIGNAL SiMPLE SIMSCRIPT Simula Simulink SISAL SLIP SMALL Smalltalk SML Strongtalk Snap! SNOBOL (SPITBOL) Snowball SOL Solidity SOPHAEROS Source SPARK Speakeasy Speedcode SPIN SP/k SPS SQL SQR Squeak Squirrel SR S/SL Starlogo Strand Stata Stateflow Subtext SBL SuperCollider Superplan SuperTalk Swift (Apple programming language) Swift (parallel scripting language) SYMPL SystemVerilog T T TACL TACPOL TADS (Text Adventure Development System) TAL Tcl Tea TECO (Text Editor and Corrector) TELCOMP TeX TEX (Text Executive Programming Language) TIE TMG (TransMo Griffer), compiler-compiler Tom Toi Topspeed (Clarion) TPU (Text Processing Utility) Trac TTM T-SQL (Transact-SQL) Transcript (LiveCode) TTCN (Tree and Tabular Combined Notation) Turing TUTOR (PLATO Author Language) TXL TypeScript Tynker U Ubercode UCSD Pascal Umple Unicon Uniface UNITY UnrealScript V Vala Verilog VHDL Vim script Viper (Ethereum/Ether (ETH)) Visual DataFlex Visual DialogScript Visual FoxPro Visual J++ (Visual J plus plus) Visual LISP Visual Objects Visual Prolog W WATFIV, WATFOR (WATerloo FORtran IV) WebAssembly WebDNA Whiley Winbatch Wolfram Language Wyvern X X++ (X plus plus/Microsoft Dynamics AX) X10 xBase++ (xBase plus plus) XBL XC (targets XMOS architecture) xHarbour XL Xojo XOTcl Xod XPL XPL0 XQuery XSB XSharp (X#) XSLT Xtend Y Yorick YQL Yoix Z Z notation Z shell Zebra, ZPL, ZPL2 Zeno ZetaLisp

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s1w7h8
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HOG RIDAAAAAA
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⠀⠀⠘⡀ HOG RIDAAAAAA ⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⡜⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠑⡀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡔⠁⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠢⢄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⠴⠊⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⣀⣀⣀⣀⡀⠤⠄⠒⠈⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⣀⠄⠊⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠏⠉⢈⠩⢙⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⢋⠠⠀⠀⠨⠐⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡟⢐⠐⠌⡌⢄⢐⢈⠔⡝⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠉⡀⠐⡀⢁⠈⠐⠱⠑⡑⠈⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⢗⠀⠀⠐⡠⡛⠔⡁⢜⡔⡬⢎⢸⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠡⠀⠀⠀⠀⠂⠁⠀⠄⢂⠈⠂⢂⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⡿⢟⠩⠐⡀⠀⠀⠀⠐⠐⠁⠓⠒⠒⢀⠁⢐⢝⢟⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⠫⠡⠡⠨⢀⠂⠠⠀⠀⢁⠑⡱⠛⠗⡓⢂⠠⢸⢸⢨⠣⡝⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⢏⢐⢁⠊⢌⠐⡈⠄⠠⠀⠀⠀⠀⠁⠑⠈⠀⢄⢕⠸⡨⠪⡪⡘⣻⣿⡿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⢂⠂⡂⠅⡂⠅⡐⠨⢐⠐⠠⠠⡀⢄⠠⡠⡡⡱⡐⠕⢌⢊⢆⢣⢒⠽⢿⣿⣿⣿ ⠣⢂⠂⠄⠡⠐⠐⠈⠌⡐⠨⡈⠢⠨⡂⢌⢂⠆⡪⠨⡊⠂⡂⠢⢡⣢⣣⡣⣍⢿⣿ ⠨⢂⢂⠁⡀⠀⠀⠁⠐⠈⠐⠈⢈⠈⠐⡀⠄⠁⠌⠈⠔⣄⡀⠠⡑⡂⠆⠢⢂⠑⠽ ⡨⠐⠀⠀⠀⢠⡎⡀⠀⠀⠄⠈⡀⠌⠐⠠⠈⠄⡁⠂⡀⡫⠑⣑⠀⢂⠌⠄⢕⠀⠨ ⠺⡪⠢⡀⠀⠞⢇⢂⠀⠂⡀⠠⠀⠄⠁⠌⠨⠀⢄⠢⡁⢂⢿⡟⡀⠀⠈⠈⡀⠂⣰ ⢀⢀⠀⠄⠀⠀⡐⠀⡈⠄⡐⠅⡊⠌⢌⠄⡕⡑⡁⢂⠂⢂⠸⣿⡄⠀⠈⣠⣴⣿⣿ ⢐⠔⠠⠀⠀⡐⠠⢈⠢⢑⠄⠑⢈⠊⡂⡱⢁⣂⢌⢔⢌⢄⠀⠹⢀⣺⡿⣟⢿⣿⣿ ⢀⠡⠁⠂⠐⠠⠈⠄⢈⠠⢈⢢⡣⣗⠕⠄⣕⢮⣞⣞⣗⣯⢯⡷⡴⣹⡪⣷⣿⣿⣿ ⠊⠄⠠⠠⠡⠈⠠⢐⠠⡊⡎⣗⢭⢐⠹⡹⣮⡳⡵⣳⣻⢾⣻⣽⣻⣺⣺⣽⣿⣿⣿ ⣨⣾⢐⠰⠐⠅⡂⡂⢕⢜⢜⢵⢹⢑⢔⠨⢘⠸⡹⡵⣯⣻⢽⣳⣻⣺⢞⡿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⡔⠠⢈⠐⠐⢠⢱⢸⢸⢸⢸⠰⡡⢘⢔⢕⠝⢮⣳⢽⢝⡾⡵⡯⣏⠯⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣗⢅⢢⠠⠡⠢⡱⡑⡕⡕⢅⠣⡊⢨⢪⡣⡣⡂⡬⡳⢽⢽⢽⢽⣞⣧⠙⣿⣿ ⡻⣿⡯⡪⠢⡡⠡⢑⢌⠪⡪⡊⠆⢌⠪⢐⢕⢱⢱⢱⢱⢱⢙⢮⡫⡟⣞⢮⣳⠙⣿ ⠊⣿⣯⠪⡊⠄⢅⠂⢂⠁⢇⢇⢃⠂⢕⠐⠌⡲⡰⡡⣇⠇⢇⢕⠪⠉⠂⠅⠂⡑⠹ ⣸⢿⣳⢱⠨⡐⡽⡿⡶⡾⡬⡢⢂⠅⡢⢡⣌⠐⠈⢎⢎⢎⢔⠠⠡⠠⠠⠡⡁⡂⠡ ⡯⡯⡇⢅⠕⠠⢱⢹⡙⢮⢹⠨⡂⡂⢇⠌⠮⡳⠅⡂⢕⠡⡑⠠⢁⢁⣡⣡⣢⣶⣿ ⣗⢽⢌⡢⡡⡡⡸⡢⡣⡣⡱⡑⠔⡈⢎⢆⢂⠂⠅⣢⡳⣽⡐⢅⢂⣊⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣯⢯⢷⢽⢮⢯⣺⣪⢞⡮⣳⢘⠔⢌⢜⣞⣖⣮⣻⢮⣯⢷⣿⣻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿ ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣾⣷⣿⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s1vcco
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Why do women pick the neckbeards???
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Hi, I am a 23 year old university graduate, I'm currently in the job market and have not achieved any success with women, everywhere I go I see men in trench coats and fedoras holding their girlfriends around, not to mention they look worse than me, I have a jawline made to cut glass and a body which would make any man or woman cream themselves, but when I try to approach women I am called disgusting, I look 10 times better than these men but they somehow get all the women. Guys why do women pick the neckbeards and not us chads.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s1tqex
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I Hurt My Balls in A Motorcycle Accident?!? Reddit AITA?!?
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I (30M) was driving my beautiful motorcycle (10F) at a steady pace(700kph). A truck(19M) pulled out in front of me (30M) and sent me flying across the town. I (30M) hit a lamppost cock and balls first and severed both my legs (that’s not what I’m worried about). My balls (3 of them) are black and bruised to a horrible extent. The other two of my balls opened and now I can’t have children :(. Now the cops are looking for me and my motorcycle exhaust broke up and went into my ass. I don’t know what I should do but I’m extremely scared.
Reddit AITA?!?!

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s1t9lg
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