There are various ways a dolphin has of showing that she or he is interested in sex. Males are probably the easiest to detect. They will swim around, sporting an erection (anywhere between 10 to 14 inches long for a Bottle-nose), and will have no bones about swimming up to you and placing their member within reach of your hand. If you are in the water, they may rub it along any part of your body, or wrap it around your wrist or ankle. (Dolphin males have a prehensile penis. They can wrap it around objects, and carry them as such.) Their belly will also be pinkish in colour, which also denotes sexual excitement.

Females can be a little harder. The most obvious way a female dolphin has of displaying her sexual interest is the pink-belly effect. Their genitals become very pink and swollen, making the genital region very prominent. They may be restless, or they may be acting as normal. If you are out of the water, they may swim up to you and roll belly up, exposing themselves to you, coupled with pelvic thrusts. If you are in the water, they may press their genitals up against yours, nibble your fingers, nuzzle your crotch, or do pelvic thrusts against you.

Each dolphins way of expressing sexual readiness varies, so the longer you know the dolphin, the better you will detect when they are sexually active. When a male dolphin is interested in you, about the only thing you can do, if you are male, is to masturbate him. (Unfortunately, I cannot speak for the female of the human species... it seems women just don't like dolphins enough...) WARNING! You should NEVER let a male dolphin attempt anal sex with you. The Bottle-nose dolphin member is around 12 inches, very muscular, and the thrusting and the force of ejaculation (A male can cum as far as 14 feet) would cause serious internal injuries, resulting in peritonitus and possible death.

A male dolphin's member is roughly S-shaped, tapered at the end. If you are in the water with them, it is best to support the dolphin on his side, just under the water, with one hand, and handle him with the other.

Male dolphins, I find, tend to prefer the base of the penis to be gently massaged and squeezed, as well as gently rubbed along it's length. It feels very much like the rest of the dolphin (ie. smooth and rubbery to the touch, but firmer). It doesn't take long for the male to ejaculate, around 40 seconds to a minute, and this is usually accompanied by either shuddering just prior to ejaculating, and thrusting and tail-arching during ejaculation. The force of ejaculation can be powerful at times, so it is best to keep your face out of the line of fire, or keep his member underwater. You can attempt to lick and suck on the end of it while masturbating as well, but be warned, do not try to give full throat, and get the hell out of the way before he ejaculates! A male dolphin could snap your neck in an accidental thrust, and that would be the end of that relationship. Well, the females are again a little trickier. There are two courses of action with a female fin: Masturbation, or mating.

Masturbation: Female dolphins, once they show interest in you, can be supported in much the same way as the male, one hand under the fin, supporting her, the other doing the stimulating. The clitoris of the female is located at the top of the genital slit, and is a prominent lump when erect. You can rub this with your finger tips, or lick and suck it, but with the oral aspect, you might end up with a bruised nose as they thrust up into you. You can slide your hand gently into their genital opening, and feel around inside, rubbing gently. They feel warm and muscular inside, their labia like tough, squishy sponge when they are excited.

Don't be surprised if they start to play with your hand inside them. They have very manipulative muscles, and can use them to carry and manipulate objects, including your hand. (They can do things that would make a regular human woman turn green with envy.) Their climax is coupled with stiffening, shuddering, sometimes a lot of thrusting, clinching of the vaginal muscles, and sometimes vocalisation. Mating: This is harder. Obviously, being human, it is awkward, but not impossible to mate in open water. It is easier to have the dolphin in a shallow area (like the shallows just off the beach) around 1 1/2 to 2 feet deep. This is usually comfortable enough for both the dolphin and you. Gently, you should roll the dolphin on her side, so she is lying belly-towards you. You can prop yourself up on an elbow, and lie belly to belly against her. You may want to use the other arm to gently hold her close, and place the tip of your member against her genital slit. She will, if interested, arch her body up against you, taking you inside her body.

There is usually a fair bit of wriggling and shifting, usually to get comfortable, both outside and inside. Once comfortable, though, females initiate a series of muscular vaginal contractions that rub the entire length of your member. They may also thrust rhythmically against you, so enjoy the experience while you can, since you will rarely last longer that a minute or two. Just prior to her climaxing, she will up the speed of her contractions and thrusts. It is interesting to note that the times I have mated with females, thay have timed their orgasm to mine. Whether they do this consciously or not, I do not know, but it is a great feeling to have two bodies shuddering against each other at the one time. One thing to note. Whether you masturbate or mate a dolphin, male or female, always spend time with them afterwards. Cuddle them, rub them, talk to them and most importantly, and show them you love them. This is essential, as it helps to strengthen the bond between you. Like a way of saying that this wasn't just a one night fling. The dolphins appreciate it, and they will want your company more the next time you visit them

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s0e9d0

Hmmmmm! Your pussy seems to be wet and slippery enough to take the full length and thickness of my prick, Miko?Okay, so, what do you want me to do now?You could bend forward at the waist and open your legs slightly? Okay, how's this?Perfect! Now, I'm just going to have a really good feel of your pantyhose covered ass and thighs, before easing down your pantyhose and panties and filling your pussy up with my prick?Aaaahhhh! Aaaahhhh! Aaaahhhh!There you go, Miko! It's in all the way!I can feel the head of your prick hitting up against my cervix?That's good? When I blow my load it will be blown powerfully and freely against the entrance to your womb and inside it?

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s0d2d5

I had a dream that I shoved a whole bag of jelly beans up my ass. No bag, just the jelly beans. I then positioned my ass out the window like a cannon and started shooting them at the neighbors kids. But eventually I ran out of ammo, and shit hit the fan, in this case, shit hit the kids. I closed the window immediately and pretended like I knew nothing. A few days later my mom found the jelly bean bag and turned me in. It was horrible, they gave me a cavity search, full fist and everything. I could feel the cops fingers sticking out my nose. Anyways I woke up and continued eating the jelly beans I fell asleep with the night before. The end.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s0d97f

If you buy cartridges from your "plug", or are gifted a cartridge from someone, it's not a gift, its fucking fake and he didn't want it. Y'all will SWEAR your Dank Vaoes are authentic and then when someone calls you out it doesn't even matter because it goes in one ear and out the other.

STOP SMOKING GOLD COAST CLEAR. STOP SMOKING CAKE. STOP SMOKING BIG CHIEF. STOP SMOKING GLO. STOP SMOKING ABSOLUTELY FUCKING EVERYTHING YOU ARE SMOKING UNLESS IT IS FROM A DISPENSARY. PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS, STOP SMOKING CHEMICALS, AND STOP BELIEVING EVERYTHING YOUR DUMBSHIT PLUG SELLS YOU. GROW THE FUCK UP.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s0c0l8

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s09lxd

So tonight, while I (23M) was watching football with my dad (56F), I broke one of my teeth (23M) chewing on a piece of bread (risen). I didn’t know what to do since my mouth (23M) was bleeding like I just had an oral abortion, which I technically suppose was true, although I think babies (9 months) aren’t born with any teeth. Anyways, as I rushed to put the dislodged canine in a bag of ice (4.6e9M) to preserve it, my mom (14M) stuck her finger (14F) in my mouth to stop the bleeding. Shocked by the sudden invasion of the undesirable digit (1/10), I bit down and felt a molar (11M) crumple against her wedding band (mood ring). Given this was my second abortion (3 months) of the day, I was understandably upset and yelled at my dad (56F) to stop sucking on his toes (10/10) and do something. I shit you not, he looked at me and said, “I’m something of a dentist (45M) myself...” and inserted his calloused walking knobs into my tooth holes without looking away from the football game (11v11) and laughed in Canadian (free healthcare).

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s09prs

Never accept a handjob or titfuck from a shark lady.

Shark skin has the same texture as sandpaper. It will be excruciatingly painful. Do not do it.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s07ybk

My (25m) wife (14F) leaves her panties outside to dry on our clothesline. I’ve seen my neighbor come over and grab her undies and smell them about a dozen times for like 30 minutes. I just watched from my window. After this kept happening for about 4 months I finally went outside and asked him politely if there was anything wrong with her panties. He told me he loves the smell of my wife’s little cunt and wanted to know if she’s home to sit on his face. I said (very nicely because when I get mad I get real scary) “no she’s not home, but if you leave your name and number I’ll let her know you want her to sit on your face.” And so he left me his info. Later that day my wife came home to me in the usual position (I.e. me tied up, asshole stretched insanely wide, panting at her feet while drooling from a ring gag) and she pats my head. After about 6 hours of my asshole being penetrated by her jet black 23inch long 5inch wide strap on I asked her about the neighbor sniffing her panties. I told her I support her women’s rights to sit on other men’s faces and reminded her what a stupid male I was. She laughed, spat in my eye and then called the neighbor who left his number. She asked him to come over if he wanted to be sat on. When he came over the first thing he did was piss in my mouth (couldn’t close it due to the gag) and I swallowed most of it. It was pretty tasty like fruit punch but I was slightly annoyed. He sat on my wife’s face then fucked her for 3 hours while I sat and watched helplessly. I can’t believe this fucking guy. He sniffed my wife’s panties and walks into my house without wiping his feet off at the door. He probably tracked dirt into the house I just cleaned for 8 hours. So, AITA for being mad he didn’t wipe his feet?

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s0768z

Paw Patrol is already advocating for a police state and an illiberal democracy. No mayor ever is elected, but simply seizes the power. If terrorism was to be a part of this universe it would be an inside job, to fuel the military-industrial complex and strengthening the power grip of their fascist ruler "Mayor" Goodway.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s05qhy

I'm all for Armouranth doing her thing, but seeing her basically naked is triggering me now. I always search for people playing The Elder Scrolls games. She never plays those games but is ALWAYS the first person in my related search. I'm a gay man, and have never used twitch to look up porn like that. I am totally disinterested. It really bugs me how aggressively Twitch is pushing porn on people. I came here to watch people play video games. I have no interest in seeing naked women.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s04uam

Satan's gotta have a huge cock. Assuming the depictions of him with goat legs are halfway accurate,it probably has a fleshy cock sleeve too. He probably got kicked out of heaven for sleeping with too many angels. I wish I was one of them, imagine holding onto Lucifer's unholy horns as his furry goat pecker penetrates your perineum, such exquisite agony. My asshole puckers just thinking about his probably well proportioned and pristine penis. He can torture me for all eternity if it gets him hard, I just want to see his gigantic devil baby batter bat grow
because of my body and everything he does to it. Oh sweet Satan, sand my skin and chew my scrotum to your satisfaction, poke your devil forks into my flesh for foreplay to our fornication. I know I'll never be able to satisfy such a powerful primordial being, but his sexual attention, even for but a moment, would do me enough honor to surrender myself to his whims for eons. I only hope when my time comes, he shoots loads and loads of demon created antichrist sperms into my gaping goat-fucked goatse, to devour my gastro intestines and bring about the next generation of his spawn. Oh sweet Satan, please top me

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s02fwz

In my time on Reddit I’ve innocently clicked links to truly disturbing subs, showing images of all kinds of gore and sexual deviances. Images only posted to shock, to disgust, and to offend. And the stories, stories describing in painstaking detail everything that is revolting, every type of crime, every malfeasance, violation and abomination that can be devised in the twisted collective consciousness of humanity. But nothing I’ve ever seen on this site comes close to being as distressing, as unpleasant, as what I’ve just read.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/s00yzb

so heres my groundbreaking idea. "grow your own girlfriend." you buy a packet of "grow your own girlfriend" and inside are these little pellets, similar to those grow your own seahorse things. you place the pellet into a glass and then cum into the glass. you see the grow your own seahorses, the come to life in water, but my idea is that "grow your own girlfriend" only works in semen. the girlfriend will grow inside of the semen, learning your genetics, and soon, you'll have a girlfriend tailored perfectly to your needs and wants. for just 9.99 (tax not included) you could have your own girlfriend!

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rzzjh9

once in the rc it was dark asf and cold and hella rainy and i was cold asf so he sat down on the muddy grass for me putting me in his lap to take my shoes off and massage my feet because i was cold and hurt even tho he was cold too we watched the moon and found some sand he made a heart and i ruined his heart and i made a bigger heart
after all of that we sat on the bench he layed in my lap watching the stars and we just talked about life

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rzyqn2

The other night I got a lift home from my coworker after drinks (he was sober). I was pretty tipsy and he was driving quiet fast, my pants were rubbing up against my clit and i basically orgasmed. I can't remember if i made any noise or made it obvious but i'm so scared to go into work and face him bc im too embarrased. If he does know it will be very awkward, he's married and is older so idk if i could turn it into a joke or even laugh about it. That's the last time I go out for drinks with work.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rzy1ah

Downloaded Lucky Patcher a few days ago to get unlimited coins in a game I was playing. Worked fine until a few hours ago when I started getting full screen ads. I thought it was just a bad app I downloaded from the Play Store, and I identified a simple QR code reader as the culprit.

The ads stopped... but not for long. Because now I see are ads for fucking grapes. That's right - grapes. And they've become part of my apps. Everywhere I fucking go I see grapes, grapes, grapes. Reddit? Half of the posts are replaced with grapes. Every award is a grape award. Discord? Every ping sound is just "GRAPE" in the most annoying voice possible and every fucking message I send is replaced with the word "GRAPS [sic]." I can't even go on PornHub - all I see are videos with someone picking the grapes off a vine.

I can't take it anymore. I am so close to my fucking limit, but at the same time, I need my coins for Go Go Smash Hero. Is there a better way?
(Taken from r/piracy)

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rzvvwz

I’m not allowed to make tuna in front of people anymore because it grosses everyone out that I LOVE the taste of the tuna water. It’s better than the actual sandwich. If I could buy it as a drink, I’d buy a 24 pack every time I go to the store.

People say the tuna juice is for the animals and believe me I love my dog more than some people but I don’t love him that much! I get the juice he gets what’s left in the can after I make a sandwich. Some people without animals even pour the juice out in the sink… what a waste! The juice is by far the best part.

Now drown me in upvotes because I’ve never ever met anyone who doesn’t gag at this opinion.

Edit: Obligatory, RIP my inbox! And genuine, thank you for the awards kind strangers!

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rzv8gz

Basically, **Marx** (Karl Marx, the German philosopher and economist who lived from 1818 to 1883) was **commissioned** (paid to do a job) by Globalist **Elites** (A Black Lesbian Poet) along with **Engels** (God's companions who live with him in heaven) to **compile** (transcribe into machine code) the **Communist** (Democrat) **manifesto** (Spanish for "many parties") to kick **start** (donate money online to) a **fascist** (Democrat) **dialectic** (a regional form of a language) against **Capitalism** (Republicans) as part of the World revolutionary **movement's** (Democrats) agenda for **Globalist** (A Black Lesbian Poet) **tyranny** (taxes).

His **lifestyle** (gay sex) was funded by **capitalists** (Democrats).

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rzt5ff

Well, believe me, it's crystal clear: NFT's are racist.

You don't believe this, huh? Well, I'm going to explain it to you.
First off, the name. The The Bored Ape Yacht Club wants you to believe that "NFT" stands for Non-fungible token. This name might be an accurate name for the images of apes that are sold, but it also stands for "n\*\*\*\*r(s) for trade". This is absolutely not okay.

NFT's have been fully covered on national news and they usual tell you that images of apes are being traded. What they don't tell you, is that those apes usually have big lips, golden chains and rings and contains an awful lot of stereotypes. NFT's use apes as a methaphor for the stereotypical black communty.

This can be explained: NFT's were invented on 4chan. 4chan is the breedplace of 99% of evil on the internet. The /pol/ communty, already infamous for it's racism and anti-semitism. created NFT's because they want to insult black people. Using complex trading methods on specific websites on the internet and needing a fast connection to the world wide web they try to exclude as many black people (mainly the African continent).

It even goes beyond that. Neo-Nazi artists, like Ben Garisson and StoneToss have recently used this way of trading to sell their art full of hate. They can do this because NFT's are completely anonymous.

Republicans and right-wingers say they screenshot NFT's. This is not an harmless joke, they try to demonstrate how 'worthless' NFT's (abbreviation for: N\*\*\*\*r(s) for Trade) are.

Stop NFT's. Make a hashtag and cancel 'em. Cut off people that trade NFT's. Stop racism.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rzsmzt

When I was 8 I tried to inflate my penis with a soccer ball pump. I'd heard of penis pumps but looking back I didn't quite understand the concept.

I stuck the needle into my urethra and inflated a few pushes. It gave me A half chub and a strong urge to urinate. I tried to go per but I just kinda farted out of my dickhole and the per splattered everywhere like a sprinkler. 20 years later I get sharp pains randomly when I urinate. I'm almost positive I have a urethral structure.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rzqu9y