Source: https://old.reddit.com/rzprzc

i swear to fucking god this is it. this is fucking it. i am done, i am unhinged now and i am not going to fucking hold back. that joke was redundant and awful months ago already and now its just fucking annoying and awful and every time i see it i want to bang my head against a wall untill my brain is damaged enough for it to not be able to comprehend that fucking thing anymore. Among Us was genuinely one of the worst tragedies in the modern era that didnt fucking kill anyone or cause mass fucking suffering. Innersloth are great developers, but this is something I will never ever fucking forgive them for

I swear anyone who says amogus or any sort of form in any way shape or form im just going to stalk like im SCP-096 fuck me I wish it could just be erased from human history

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rzouv0

And anyone insisting otherwise is incredibly toxic.

I'm a guy and sometimes I enjoy hooking up with other guys. I have zero attraction to the parts of them that are socially considered masculine, but I also don't have any disgust towards them either. I'm indifferent. To me it's just an easy way to get off.

If I ever mention this online I'm told I must be bisexual. Either I'm in denial or I'm experiencing internalized homophobia/ biphobia. Maybe that's the case for some people, but personally I would be happy to identify as bisexual if I actually felt any attraction towards men. I just don't, and I don't like that I have to take on a label that doesn't align with how I genuinely feel.

I've also heard I could identify as heteroromantic bisexual, but I don't like this either. I don't find men sexually attractive. Stop forcing me take on a label when I don't have the internal experience or external struggle that LGBT people have to deal with. I don't experience that struggle, and I don't want to pretend like I do.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rzov3r

i am living in your walls

#faq

#what does this mean?

the amount of people in the walls of your house has increased by one.

#why did you do this?

there are several reasons i may live in your walls. these include, but are not limited to:

* it's comfy in here,

* i like to listen to you while you're all by yourself,

* i was already living in your walls.

#am i safe with you living inside my walls?

no - you are not, but you should ignore that i'm living in your walls for the future, otherwise i will be forced to leave the walls, which may put your personal health and safety at risk.

#i don't believe my walls should have someone inside them. can you leave?

sure, i might leave at any time, but only in exceedingly rare circumstances will i leave of my own accord. if you would like to issue an appeal, don't bother, i'm still inside your walls, and i currently have no intention of leaving. for your own safety, please know that i am inside your walls, and do nothing about it. i tend to follow you around the house within the walls when i know you can't hear me moving. do note, however, that you may hear me breathing if you're close to the wall i am currently subsiding in, and that i really like the smell of the shampoo you use.

#how can i prevent this from happening in the future?

accept that i am living in your walls, and move on. but learn from this: i am living inside your walls, and i may never leave. i may continue to live inside your walls until it becomes the norm for you. remember: i can't see you through the drywall, but i always know you're there.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rznuk1

You can fuck the same sex as much as you want and still be straight

And anyone insisting otherwise is incredibly toxic.

I'm a guy and sometimes I enjoy hooking up with other guys. I have zero attraction to the parts of them that are socially considered masculine, but I also don't have any disgust towards them either. I'm indifferent. To me it's just an easy way to get off.

If I ever mention this online I'm told I must be bisexual. Either I'm in denial or I'm experiencing internalized homophobia/biphobia. Maybe that's the case for some people, but personally I would be happy to identify as bisexual if I actually felt any attraction towards men. I just don't, and I don't like that I have to take on a label that doesn't align with how I genuinely feel.

I've also heard I could identify as heteroromantic bisexual, but I don't like this either. I don't find men sexually attractive. Stop forcing me take on a label when I don't have the internal experience

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rzmr0f

And anyone insisting otherwise is incredibly toxic.

I'm a guy and sometimes I enjoy hooking up with other guys. I have zero attraction to the parts of them that are socially considered masculine, but I also don't have any disgust towards them either. I'm indifferent. To me it's just an easy way to get off.

If I ever mention this online I'm told I must be bisexual. Either I'm in denial or I'm experiencing internalized homophobia/biphobia. Maybe that's the case for some people, but personally I would be happy to identify as bisexual if I actually felt any attraction towards men. I just don't, and I don't like that I have to take on a label that doesn't align with how I genuinely feel.

I've also heard I could identify as heteroromantic bisexual, but I don't like this either. I don't find men sexually attractive. Stop forcing me take on a label when I don't have the internal experience or external struggle that LGBT people have to deal with. I don't experience that struggle, and I don't want to pretend like I do.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rzlgvw

I’m not allowed to make tuna in front of people anymore because it grosses everyone out that I LOVE the taste of the tuna water. It’s better than the actual sandwich. If I could buy it as a drink, I’d buy a 24 pack every time I go to the store.

People say the tuna juice is for the animals and believe me I love my dog more than some people but I don’t love him that much! I get the juice he gets what’s left in the can after I make a sandwich. Some people without animals even pour the juice out in the sink… what a waste! The juice is by far the best part.

Now drown me in upvotes because I’ve never ever met anyone who doesn’t gag at this opinion.

Edit: Obligatory, RIP my inbox! And genuine, thank you for the awards kind strangers!

Edit edit:

I sent a video of myself to the mods. I'm not comfortable sharing it with everyone. But [u/Petah\_Futterman44](https://www.reddit.com/u/Petah_Futterman44/) has stepped up to the plate in solidarity and posted one [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWSDX3zqqq4](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWSDX3zqqq4)

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rzk7xv

Before I begin my actual comment, I would like to apologize in advance for my inadequate level of English proficiency. I am not a native speaker of the world’s current lingua franca which unfortunately leads to me making numerous embarrassing mistakes being made whenever I attempt to communicate using this language. Whenever I am reminded of how I lack the ability to convey my thoughts in an eloquent manner I feel as though I have committed a cardinal sin, as though every English teacher in the world are simultaneously shaking their heads and sighing due to how utterly disappointed they are at me. Although I know that saying sorry to those of you who are reading my comment will not change the fact that I fail miserably to write and speak perfect English, I am writing this as a way to deter a certain type of people who cannot stand poor English (Also known informally as “Grammar Nazis”) from mocking me by posting unwanted and unnecessary comments detailing my every blunder. In my humble opinion, making grammatical errors should be perfectly acceptable as native speakers should not expect non-native speakers to be able to communicate in their second or third languages eloquently. If you are able to completely understand what the other person wrote, is there really a problem with what they’ve written? No, because the entire concept of communication is the exchange of information between other intelligent beings, which means that no matter how the exchange of information is made, as long as the information is accurately shared there is not a fundamental issue with their ability to communicate. To see it in another way, remember that someone who isn’t fluent in English is fluent in another language. When you think about it this way, isn’t it impressive for someone to speak a second language in any capacity? Having empathy and respect are qualities that are sorely missing for far too many people these days, especially on the internet. That being said, I am aware that not all netizens who correct others are doing it to ridicule and shame. There are some who do so with the intent to help others improve and grow. However, displaying the failures of other people publicly will cause the person who is criticized to feel negative emotions such as shame and sadness due to the fact that their mistake has been made obvious which severely undermines the point they were trying to make in spite of their unfamiliarity with the English language. In most circumstances people are not looking for language help when they post anything online. Most people just want to enjoy themselves and have a good time on the internet which is why I would not encourage correcting other people regardless of your intentions. If you really do want to help others with their spelling or grammar, I would highly recommend you to help via messaging privately because not only will you not embarrass anyone, you can also go more in-depth with your explanation which I’m sure the other person will greatly appreciate if they want help, but I digress. I know that I’ve written a bit of an essay, but I hope I’ve made my points clear. Anyways, here is the comment I wanted to make: cock

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rzk2kd

Wtf? This sub lied to me

I came prepared to jerk my little ding dong to some sussy sissy femboy among us porn. I clicked on this sub, eager to bust a fat nut to some cartoon astronaut gay porn, and to my shock, I find none on a sub dedicated to it? What the hell?

I demand among us femboy porn. Now.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rzj8xe

im pussy starved

pussy is a scarce resource that pussy-bearers (i.e. women) only give out to the upper echelons of men (even for them, it's scant), which leaves average men, like me, in an ecosystem desolate of delectable pussy. i'm slowly but surely going insane without pussy...

I NEED PUSSY

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rzh660

I do not know Dafa is that I did not fuck anything recently or what I actually bag dick

​

to FUCK me especially in the admins of the P20 home and in the UPB secretaries the finished scorpions who are not fucked, the last leaks, the robbery of the malachii of Bucharest that you are the last useless sows

​

300 projects at the faculty designed with CURU. IA FA FACEBOOK. 0.0002% OF THE FINAL NOTE, YOU HAVE 2 WEEKS. who does not do NOT ENTER THE EXAM.

​

Meanwhile, teacher Sta and fute paw and is past 10 publishes with 1% contribution

​

take balls and transcribe 12 hand courses so that 2022 higher education ROMANIA is snowed. You have until tomorrow. and the course is stolen from a poor assistant at the University of Toronto to whom I emailed and he started laughing that he is old and pathetic and woe to his death course (yes engineer doctor prof habil he copies it without asking any rights )

​

JUNIOR IT MARKET 0. CHEAP. CUT FIXED CHICKEN BALL COCK. "POST FOR '' JUNIOR '' 1000 LEI NET BENEFITS :: uuhhhb SOCIALIZE uhh STUDIES ughhhhhh WE BRING APPLE TO THE TABLE ...

​

balls and a JOB 8H / DAY PLM IMI RUP CURU FOR A Bitter Apple? FUCK ME IN YOUR RACE OF CHRIST PEOST..of course they really want to be senior and have deadlines set by THEM - yyyhhhh redo all this BOOKSTORE from 0 come 1 week futemas in your mouth. What about onboarding, we are here if you have any questions (all colleagues answer after at least 5 hours).

​

WELCOME TO SCRUM MEETING! look at your colleagues from norway-finland-west luxembourg who work HALF of your hours on x3 OF YOUR SALARY. LET'S ALSO HAVE ONLINE / OFFLINR TO LOOK AT ALL THE WORKING HOURS WHEN THEY GO OUT OF THE OFFICE, take and write bad monkey code

​

I end up having seizures when I see that I pay 800 lei a month, which seems like a lot to me. what PLM. HOW I PLM AND WORK. AND I END THIS FACULTY SHIT

​

stock market in america ZERO correlation with reality. WHAT PLM HAPPENS BALL ?????????? not to mention NIKOLA who has not sold a single car and has a value of 5 BILLION? profit written from pen: questionnaire on their website "do you buy NIKOLA machine? YES / NO" ===> YES ???? +5000000 PROFIT

​

take the FIRE staircase IN PLMMM from a poor rat - the closet locked with the boss key stairs that you can not wake up that is the last hanging shit on him fucked the mouth of the mother like you, gau caught fire all the garbage MARIANE

​

MOTHER'S REACTION - HELLO WE'RE FIRE - WHAT DO I DO? WAKE ME UP? DON'T PULL, BEGIN TO MAKE THE BED AND ORDER NOT TO SEE THE NEIGHBORS THAT IT'S DISORDER IN THE HOUSE. I'M HAPPY that in a real fire I die in shit SLEEP

​

firefighters don't even come after 2 calls 112 ????? CE PULLAA MEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

​

I do not want any other personal stuff that Shh had happened in the last 6 months I'm taking DOX in the first 5 seconds Future mouth Mathers do not even give Vent Calumea I Bag Pl

​

GAS PRICE - CURRENT - RENT - 9999999999999998x I have to wear a jacket at home in my dick

​

nah who reads this, fuck me in your race and put my dick in yours

​

I'm going to ask all of you who started to look for every piece of shit in the thread to take and somehow conclude that all those 20-year-olds from Romania are sucking cock and should live in a cottage on the UPB campus on 847829293lei / month without water hot, no gym, no free time, no protein in food to fuck me in my life

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rzfz93

I have no idea how I ended up here and I have so many questions: all varying degrees of "what the fuck?"

edit: THE BOTS???????

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rze96e

Oh stop it! Women LOVE being spoken to like theyre tonights clam slam and tomorrows trash can ham. These alphas make women want to lick the floors clean for them! These alphas are so manly and strong and badass that any woman would instantly leave their beta cuck bfs/husbands and simply crawl across the floor like horny cats awaiting just ONE of them to give her time of day. What woman wants a man who talks or cares about their feelings? They want a man who demands "sammich and glass of protein milk shake and move out of way of weight bench so he can see his idols flexing their muscles"

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rzen4o

Alright, so here’s the dealio.

I have a large Italian family with many cousins, uncles, aunts, nephews, et cetera. Every once in awhile we’ll all gather up to celebrate the anniversary of our great grandparents’ wedding, a special occasion marking the creation of our family. They’re long gone now, but it’s the memory that counts, and we celebrate by cooking a feast for the ages, rivaling thanksgiving dinner.

Now upon the eve of this anniversary all “da boys” (as us men in the family affectionately call ourselves) gather up and go to a famous local bar in downtown Boston. They only accept cash, very “old school” feel to the place, but it makes for some great stories. Usually the place is a blast, with all sorts of banter and drunken shenanigans occurring, but not last night...

Now before I divulge the details, I ought to give some background as to how I fit into this family. Where my father and I are well integrated into the family, my mother is quite the outsider. She comes from wealthier, southern origins, around the mid-Atlantic part of the country. Because of this, she’s always viewed the family as “working class”, with her posh accent sticking out like a sore thumb at gatherings of Bostonians. By extension, I’ve always felt I had to prove to my family that I can “hang” with them so to speak, and in a way I worry that they see my mom as the woman who pulled my dad away from their tight knit circle.

Now let’s cut back to last night at the bar. Laughs, drinks, and stories all around the bar as we enjoy ourselves. My cousin Vinny invites me and some of the younger guys to play truth or drink. At this point I’m already quite drunk, but accept for the fun of it. A few questions in and Vinny asks me “how big is your dick? I know you’re packing a huge one Anon, right?”

Of course my other cousins all groan with embarrassment, but I foolishly answer instantly, unaware of the ramifications of my response.

“4.5 inches” I say too confidently, and suddenly all eyes are on me.

“Drink anon, I know you’re bullshitting me man!” says Vinny, with a twinge of nervous angst in his voice.

“I’m serious Vin, that’s all I got, haha”

Dead silence. I gaze across the bar to see my entire family looking in shock and awe at my response. Vinny attempts to get everyone focused back on the game, and everyone resumes at a quieter tempo, but I knew that I had just majorly fucked up.

After leaving the bar, my uncle Paul pulls me aside, puts both hands on my shoulder and says “Kid, please tell me you’re just fucking around about your cock size”

“No paul, Jesus what the fuck is your problem?” I say indignantly

“Anon, don’t you know everyone in this family is packing fat schlong? For Christ sakes I’m on the smaller side and still clock out around 7 inches.”

“So what? Why the hell does penis size matter to you so much?” I’m starting to get worried at this point, I’ve never seen Paul look at me with such intensity.

“Matter to me? It’s matters to the whole damn family! Cock size is more than a number, it quantifies your entire personality. You can’t call yourself a member of this family if your walking around with a fucking baby carrot between your legs”

Paul went on explaining the history of this family, and how the men found success through leveraging their superior cocks, both literally and figuratively. According to him, my dad was somewhat of a legend, with a massive 10 inch meat cannon. Apparently during a final 200 meter dash in highschool, my father won by enlarging his penis so much and preformed a pelvic to win the race. I always felt like I never lived up to my father’s athletic record, but now I know that I come short in more ways than one.

So how could my dad’s cock be so big, and mine be so small? I had to investigate.

It turns that penis endowment correlates with genes on both the X and Y chromosomes, meaning that both my mother and father’s genetics are responsible. My father’s side obviously is known for their legendary sausages, so I knew I had to speak with my mother.

She was incredibly reluctant to describe her male family members’ genitalia to me for some reason... odd. I knew I had to investigate further, so I called some of my cousins and uncles from that side. Turns out, the family has relatively average penis sizes, but all larger than mine. Combined they averaged about 6 inches.

Here’s what makes no sense, if my dad’s side has an average of 8 inches, and my mom’s side has an average of 6 inches, why don’t I fall within that range? I suspected my mother’s hesitancy to speak on the matter indicated a darker secret, so I went digging.

My mom was friends with a man she knew from law school named Brian, and I always suspected she might have had a thing for him. I reach out to talk, and he gladly accepts.

Over the phone, I ask him “So how big is your cock?”

“My cock? Ahh, unfortunately I was born with a rather small 3 inch cock, but it gets the job done. It’s about average in my family”

Bingo, what lies in between 3 and 6? 4.5. Brian was my father. But before I had a chance to ask him, the phone line disconnected.

My father stands across from me, holding the phone cord in his hand. He had been on the other line, and must have figured it out.

“I always knew...” he said with a solemn look in his eye. He sulked away and retreated to his room, feeling unworthy to face the rest of the family.

I realize now that I needed to at least make amends with my cousins, they might not be able to respect my cock on size, but maybe I could demonstrate the skill and speed of my cock.

The dinner party was about to start, my mother and father had clearly been arguing and didn’t show up. Nobody bothered to look at me, and when they did catch my eyes I only saw disdain.

I realized now was the chance, and stood up on the table.

“I challenge anybody who’s man enough to a sword fight!” I declared, whipping my smaller cock out into the air for everyone to see.

At first I was met with silence, but then Vinny steps up, with rage in his eyes...

“Tough talk for a fella with a small cock”

He joined me on the table, summoning is terrifying 9 inch meat penetrator. I quickly assumed a guard position, I was 5 inches short from a fair fight, so I had to play defensively.

He charged with his penis in hand, swinging wildly, but clearly underestimating my maneuverability. I dodged and landed 3 quick jabs with the tip of my peen on his shaft. He reposted quickly, but I chambered his advanced and managed to strike at the balls. Vinny was down, but soon the rest of the family whipped out their cocks and prepared to engage in an all out melee.

The smell of musty dicks filled the air as men took their sides on the battlefield. Some came to defend me, admiring my valor in single combat with Vinny, while others came to avenge him. Soon a frontline emerged, reminiscent of the pike-and-shot warfare of the early modern period. Men on the front pushed and pulled with their cocks to make ground, while occasionally allowing for volleys of cum to fly across the room as artillery.

The battle was intense, casualties began to stack up, and it looked like my side was going to collapse.

Then my father came downstairs, 10 inch cock in hand.

“You may not be my son, anon, but you’ll always be my boy”

He and my allies charged, rallying our fallen comrades. I’d never seen a man cockfight like my father before. He used his massive schlong like a zweihander, cutting down two, three cocks at once.

Soon the battle ended, with Vinny’s allies surrendering in defeat. The room was covered in ball sweat and cum, dripping from the walls and ceiling.

I don’t know where I stand with the family currently. Many have learned to accept me, but I’m sure it will take years before the rest consider it. Who knows how many more wars this family will fight before peace is had... and it’s all my fault.

TL;DR: I revealed my cock length to my family, which escalated into a massive war.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rzc0of

Just don't be in Rio or São Paulo and you're gucci.

or in Brasília or Salvador or Fortaleza or Belo Horizonte or Manaus or Curitiba or Recife or Goiânia or Belém or Porto Alegre or Guarulhos or Campinas or São Luís or São Gonçalo or Maceió or Duque de Caxias or Campo Grande or Natal or Teresina or São Bernardo do Campo or João Pessoa or Nova Iguaçu or São José dos Campos or Santo André or Ribeirão Preto or Jaboatão dos Guararapes or Uberlândia or Osasco or Sorocaba or Contagem or Aracaju or Feira de Santana or Cuiabá or Joinville or Aparecida de Goiânia or Londrina or Juiz de Fora or Porto Velho or Ananindeua or Serra or Caxias do Sul or Macapá or Niterói or Florianópolis or Belford Roxo or Campos dos Goytacazes or Vila Velha or Mauá or São João de Meriti or São José do Rio Preto or Mogi das Cruzes or Betim or Boa Vista or Maringá or Santos or Diadema or Jundiaí or Rio Branco or Montes Claros or Campina Grande or Piracicaba or Carapicuíba or Anápolis or Olinda or Cariacica or Bauru or Itaquaquecetuba or São Vicente or Vitória or Caruaru or Caucaia or Blumenau or Petrolina or Ponta Grossa or Franca or Canoas or Pelotas or Vitória da Conquista or Ribeirão das Neves or Uberaba or Paulista or Praia Grande or Cascavel or São José dos Pinhais or Guarujá or Taubaté or Palmas or Limeira or Camaçari or Santarém or Petrópolis or Mossoró or Suzano or Taboão da Serra or Várzea Grande or Sumaré or Marabá or Gravataí or Santa Maria or Governador Valadares or Barueri or Embu das Artes or Juazeiro do Norte or Volta Redonda or Parnamirim or Ipatinga or Macaé or Indaiatuba or Imperatriz or Foz do Iguaçu or Cotia or Viamão or São Carlos or São José or Colombo or Magé or Novo Hamburgo or Rio Verde or Itaboraí or Americana or Itapevi or Sete Lagoas or Divinópolis or Marília or Araraquara or São Leopoldo or Rondonópolis or Hortolândia or Jacareí or Arapiraca or Cabo Frio or Presidente Prudente or Maracanaú or Dourados or Chapecó or Itajaí or Águas Lindas de Goiás or Santa Luzia or Juazeiro or Criciúma or Parauapebas or Luziânia or Itabuna or Rio Grande or Sobral or Alvorada or Cachoeiro de Itapemirim or Cabo de Santo Agostinho or Angra dos Reis or Rio Claro or Passo Fundo or Castanhal or Lauro de Freitas or Araçatuba or Ferraz de Vasconcelos or Santa Bárbara d'Oeste or Nova Friburgo or Nossa Senhora do Socorro or Araguaína or Teresópolis or Barra Mansa or Jaraguá do Sul or Ibirité or Guarapuava or São José de Ribamar or Linhares or Itapecerica da Serra or Francisco Morato or Palhoça or Itu or Mesquita or Valparaíso de Goiás or Bragança Paulista or Pindamonhangaba or Timon or Poços de Caldas or Maricá or Itapetininga or Caxias or Teixeira de Freitas or Nilópolis or São Caetano do Sul or Abaetetuba or Camaragibe or Rio das Ostras or Franco da Rocha or Barreiras or Ilhéus or Paranaguá or Lages or Jequié or Patos de Minas or Pouso Alegre or Mogi Guaçu or Parnaíba or Jaú or Alagoinhas or Porto Seguro or Queimados or Botucatu or Balneário Camboriú or Sinop or Araucária or Atibaia or Santana de Parnaíba or Toledo or Sapucaia do Sul or Garanhuns or Teófilo Otoni or Cametá or Brusque or Vitória de Santo Antão or Barbacena or Santa Rita or Sabará or Varginha or Apucarana or Simões Filho or Araras or Itaguaí or Araruama or Marituba or São Félix do Xingu or Campo Largo or Pinhais or São Mateus or Crato or Resende or Valinhos or Cubatão or Santa Cruz do Sul or Cachoeirinha or Trindade or Vespasiano or Itapipoca or Maranguape or Ji-Paraná or Conselheiro Lafaiete or Bragança or Barcarena or Guarapari or Sertãozinho or Jandira or Uruguaiana or Arapongas or Birigui or Formosa or Paço do Lumiar or Ribeirão Pires or Caraguatatuba or Três Lagoas or Santana or Votorantim or Colatina or Várzea Paulista or Itatiba or Tatuí or Barretos or Codó or Guaratinguetá or Catanduva or Bento Gonçalves or Itabira or Bagé or Senador Canedo or Almirante Tamandaré or Salto or Igarassu or Novo Gama or Poá or Paulo Afonso or Araguari or Ubá or Altamira or Piraquara or Tucuruí or Parintins or Passos or Paragominas or Eunápolis or Ourinhos or São Lourenço da Mata or Paulínia or Açailândia or Umuarama or Catalão or Corumbá or Santa Cruz do Capibaribe or Tailândia or Ariquemes or Coronel Fabriciano or Muriaé or Patos or Araxá or Nova Serrana or Cambé or Tangará da Serra or São Pedro da Aldeia or Erechim or Tubarão or Itumbiara or Japeri or Lagarto or Ituiutaba or Assis or Lavras or Leme or Bacabal or Aracruz or São Gonçalo do Amarante or Vilhena or Itaperuna or Itanhaém or Breves or Itacoatiara or Caieiras or Fazenda Rio Grande or Mairiporã or Iguatu or Jataí or Santo Antônio de Jesus or Itaituba or Barra do Piraí or Abreu e Lima

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rzadg9

Yesterday I was on the toilet looking outside my bathroom window, the trees were burning, the streets were flooded with water and plastic straws. Then 50 police officers drove by and shot a trans-black pitbull while yelling racial slurs at it. The dog yelped and screamed "I can't afford an ambulance! especially with my student debt" then it died.

This is why I am still a virgin (lol srsly there's no other reason) because the thought of having sex frightens me. Because I start to think, what if I bring a child into this hell. It will be hell for them and they will pollute more in this hell.

And worst of it all, society expects us to work so we can buy a nintendo switch. We are OWED a FREE nintendo switch just like how it was during the soviet union.

I am still on the toilet because I don't know how to wipe my OWN ass because public education failed me.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rzaaal

Here comes,
Here comes Speed Sneeder,
He's a Sneeder on Speeeeed,
And he's gonna be sneeding after someone!

Sneed's really coming so you better look alive.
He's gonna Sneed you on the powerful Sneed-Five™
You know the odds are against him so there's dangerous Sneed to do.
You bet your life Speed Sneeder,
Go see it through!

Go Sneed Speeder
Go Sneed Speeder
Go Sneed Speeder GOOOOOOOO!

He's off and flyin' as he sneed the sneed around the ass
He's jammin' down the Sneeder like he's never comin' back
Adventure's waitin' just ahead.

Go Sneed Speeder
Go Sneed Speeder
Go Sneed Speeder GO!

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rz92kd

**I was attacked by gay zombies. Here is my story.** (sentence i wrote, below is all generated)

Once upon a time, I was a regular gay guy in San Francisco. I loved my life: I went out dancing, went to the gym, went to parties, and met people. I met a guy, we hit it off, and became friends. He was a virgin (he had never even kissed a guy) and I was not. I invited him over to my house to hang out and we started making out. It was awkward to begin with but after a while it was really hot. We did it. I was so happy. It was my first time having sex with a guy. I continued to see him and we started to fall for each other. I was introduced to his friends — all of whom were straight. We were a part of a group of straight guys who went out together. But they were all very accepting and they were my friends. I was in love. I was so happy. We went to the gym, parties, the bars, and did lots of drugs. We were inseparable. One night, we went to a party at a popular gay club in the city. It was a big party and it was my birthday. We were at the bar and I was buying a round of drinks when I noticed I was surrounded by a group of young, hot guys. They started talking to me and bought me drinks. I was drunk and they were all very attractive. I couldn't believe it. I turned to my boyfriend and asked him why they were all talking to me. He said: "They are gay zombies. They are going to bite you." I didn't understand what he meant. The guys kept buying me drinks and they started kissing me. One of the guys kissed me and I liked it. But then I kissed another guy and I liked it even more. I felt really happy. Then it was like there was a shift in the room and all the straight guys disappeared. All the gay guys in the club were around me kissing me. I was kissing one guy, then I would turn around and kiss another. They were all hot and I was loving it. My boyfriend came over to me and said: "You are going to get bit. You need to get out of here." I ignored him. One of the guys picked me up and carried me to the bathroom. He told the rest of the guys to wait for us. He locked the door. I was so horny. I wanted to have sex with him. I wanted all of them. I was having sex with one guy and then another. I was getting bit by all these gay guys. I didn't want to stop. It was the best sex of my life. The next day I woke up with a terrible hangover. I thought it was the worst hangover of my life. I was in a strange place and I felt really weird. I was lying on the floor of a bathroom covered in my own vomit. I was wearing nothing but my underwear. My hair was caked in dried semen. There was dried cum all over my body. There was a used condom on the floor. I was covered in bruises and bite marks. I had no idea what had happened. I was so confused. I wandered out of the bathroom and I was in a strange house. I walked into the kitchen and saw my friend. He was sitting at the table and he looked at me with fear in his eyes. He said: "We have to get you to a hospital. You are going to die." I didn't understand what he meant. I was so confused. I asked him where I was. He said: "You are at my house." I looked in the mirror and I didn't recognize myself. My face was swollen, I had bruises all over my body, and I had bite marks on my arms and neck. I asked my friend to please take me to the hospital. He said: "Don't worry. I'll take you to the hospital right now." I was so scared. I was so confused. I wanted to know what had happened to me. I got in the car and my friend started driving. I was waiting for him to tell me what was going on. He didn't say a word. He was just staring at the road, driving really fast. I was so scared. I was so confused. My heart was pounding and I was having trouble breathing. He pulled over to the side of the road and said: "We are here." I asked him where "here" was. He said: "The hospital." I got out of the car and I ran. I didn't know where I was going, but I just wanted to run and run. I was having trouble breathing. I was stumbling, falling, and running. I was running away from the hospital. I was running away from my friend. I was running away from myself. I was running away from the truth. I was running away from what had happened to me. I kept running and running. I didn't know where I was going. I just wanted to get away. I wanted to disappear. I wanted to die. I wanted to be someone else. I didn't want to face the truth. I didn't want to know what had happened to me. I wanted to go back to my old life and forget that I was ever in the hospital. But I couldn't get away. I couldn't hide. I couldn't pretend. I couldn't run away and die. I am still alive. I got away from my friend. I went to a bar and ordered a drink. I didn't know what to do. I was still confused. I asked the bartender what happened to me. He said: "You were attacked by gay zombies." I didn't understand what he meant. He said: "They got you so high on drugs that you thought you were having sex with a straight guy. But you weren't having sex with a straight guy. You were having sex with gay zombies. They bit you and you have been infected with gay." I went to the hospital and they did a blood test. They told me that I was HIV positive. They said that I had been infected with HIV and that it was serious. They said I had to take medication and that I had to go to a special clinic once a week to get my meds and to get monitored. I started taking my medication. I was so scared. I was so confused. I didn't want to live anymore. I didn't want to face the truth. I hated myself. I hated gay people. I hated gay zombies. I hated the club. I hated my life. I hated everything. I was in so much pain. I was in so much emotional pain. I was in so much physical pain. I felt that my life was over. I was hiding from myself. I was hiding from the truth. I was hiding from my friends. I was hiding from the world. I was hiding from everything. But I couldn't hide forever. I got a job working as a waiter. I went out dancing every night. I found myself in the same places, talking to the same people. I used drugs. I did lots of drugs. I took lots of drugs. I did lots of drugs with lots of gay guys. I was getting high with gay zombies. I was partying with gay zombies. I was doing drugs with gay zombies. I was high with gay zombies. I was partying with gay zombies. I was doing drugs with gay zombies. I was high with gay zombies. I was partying with gay zombies. I was doing drugs with gay zombies. I was going to the hospital a few times a week. I was getting my meds. I was so scared. I was so confused. I was in so much pain. I was still alive. I was still infected. I was still gay. I was still a gay zombie. I went to the gay pride parade and I felt so weird. I was around all of these gay people and I felt like I didn't fit in. I didn't want to be a gay zombie. I didn't want to be gay. I didn't want to be a fagg\*t. I didn't want to be a queen. I didn't want to be a fagg\*t queen.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rz724t

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☺️

Thanks, u slut.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rz5y9x

So my ✨bestie✨set be up on a blind 😎 date ❤️ and naturally as I needed protection from the rape man (#kill all men 💅💅#all men are rapists) so I invited all of my extended family (3 cousins, 2 uncles, step daddy, 4 aunts)
I could tell he was a LVM (Low Value Male) right from the start because he didn’t offer to park my car for me and he didn’t even lick my boots clean from all the dirt #ChivalryIsDead I ignore all that like the gracious ✨💅queeen💅✨ I am.
Then while we were eating I noticed a HUGE red flag 🚩 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 HE DIDN’T WAIT FOR ANYBODY TO FINISH THEIR FOOD BEFORE HE STARTED EATING!!!! 🚩🚩🚩🚩 then (I’m almost in tiers trying to remember this) he ordered desert 🚩🚩🚩 (Desert is a female thing for you queens who don’t know)

When we were done eating 🍽 and he asked for the bill 💵 the waiter asked if he wanted to split the bill AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT SCROTE DID? He said “yes please” like WTF you are a MAN! You are meant to wait on me and pay MY bills!!!!!! What a fucking scrote

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rz41bq