Okay Reddit, weigh in on this one. I (12M) was just chilling when this random Northern girl (14F) and her dopey sound-cloud-rapper-looking-ass brother (15M) barge in on me. All I want to do was hang out with my pet and maybe go sledding, but they're telling me I have responsibilities and treating me like I'm god or something. Who died and made me god? I don't want that! But all my friends moved away or something and these losers are the only people who still want me around, so I feel like I'm stuck with them. Oh and this dickhead (15M) with like bad facial acne or something keeps trying to fight me. I think he has a crush on me, which I'm okay with in principle bc love is love, but I'm just not into dudes (let alone ones with pizza face). I just wanna go back to sleep, but I can't because everybody seems to want a piece of me. AITLA?

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rxt9fp

Fuck you. You useless piece of shit. You absolute waste of space and air. You uneducated, ignorant, idiotic dumb swine, you’re an absolute embarrassment to humanity and all life as a whole. The magnitude of your failure just now is so indescribably massive that one hundred years into the future your name will be used as moniker of evil for heretics. Even if all of humanity put together their collective intelligence there is no conceivable way they could have thought up a way to fuck up on the unimaginable scale you just did. When Jesus died for our sins, he must not have seen the sacrilegious act we just witnessed you performing, because if he did he would have forsaken humanity long ago so that your birth may have never become reality. After you die, your skeleton will be displayed in a museum after being scientifically researched so that all future generations may learn not to generate your bone structure, because every tiny detail anyone may have in common with you degrades them to a useless piece of trash and a burden to society. No wonder your father questioned whether or not your were truly his son, for you'd have to not be a waste of carbon matter for anyone to love you like a family member. Your birth made it so that mankind is worse of in every way you can possibly imagine, and you have made it so that society can never really recover into a state of organization. Everything has forever fallen into a bewildering chaos, through which unrecognizable core, you can only find misfortune. I would say the apocalypse is upon us but this is merely the closest word humans have for the sheer scale of horror that is now reality. You have forever condemned everyone you love and know into an eternal state of suffering, worse than any human concept of hell. You are such an unholy being, that if you step within a one hundred foot radius of a holy place or a place that has ever been deemed important by anyone, your distorted sac religious soul will ruin whatever meaning it ever had beyond repair. You are an idiotic, shiteating, dumbass ape and no one has ever loved you. Rhodes Island would have been better off if you'd never joined us. You are a lying, backstabbing, cowardly useless piece of shit and I hate you with every single part of my being. Even this worlds finest writers and poets from throughout the ages could never hope to accurately describe the scale on which you just fucked up, and how incredibly idiotic you are. Anyone that believes in any religion out there should now realize that they have been wrong this entire time, for if divine beings were real, they would never have allowed a being such as you to stain the earth and this universe. In the future there will be horror stories made about you, with the scariest part of them being that the reader has to realize that such an indescribable monster actually exists, and that the horrific events from the movie have actually taken place in the same world that they live in right now. You are the absolute embodiment of everything that has ever been wrong on this earth, yet you manage to make it so that that is only a small part of the evil that is your being. Never in the history of mankind has there been anyone that could have predicted such an eldrich abomination, but here you are. It’s hard to believe that I am seeing such an incredible failure with my own eyes, but here I am, so unfortunately I cannot deny your existence. Even if I did my very best, my vocabulary is not able to describe the sheer magnitude of the idiotic mistake that is you. Even if time travel some day will be invented, there still would not be a single soul willing to go back in time to before this moment to fix history, because having to witness such incredible horrors if they failed would have to many mental and physical drawbacks that not even the bravest soul in history would be willing to risk it. I cannot imagine the pure dread your mother must have felt when she had to carry a baby for nine months and then giving birth to such a wretched monster as you. Not a single word of the incoherent, illogical rambling you may be wanting to do to defend yourself or apologize would ever be able to make up for what you just did. The countries of the world would have wanted to make laws preventing such a terrible event like this from ever happening again, but sadly this is not possible since your horrific actions just now have shattered every form of order this world once had, making concepts such as laws irrelevant. Right from the moment I first set my eyes on you I knew you were an absolute abomination of everything that is wrong with humanity. I was hoping I would have been able to prevent your evil from being released upon this world by tagging along and keeping my eye on you, but it is clear to me now that not even the greatest efforts would have been able to prevent a terrible event in this scale from occurring. You are the worst human being, or even just being in general, that I have ever had the misfortune of witnessing. Events like the infected plague apparently only happened with the goal of teaching humanity to survive such a horrible event as the one you just created, but not even mankind’s greatest trials were able to even slightly prepare anyone for the insufferable evil you have just created. If you ever had them, your children would be preemptively killed to protect this universe from the possibility of anyone in your bloodline being even half as bad as you are, except you will never be able to have children, because not a single human being will ever want to come within a hundred mile radius of you and anything you have ever touched. You are a colossal disappointment not only to your parents, but to your ancestors and entire bloodline. The disgusting mistake that you have just made is so incredibly terrible that everyone who would ever be to hear about it would spontaneously feel an indescribable mixture of immense anger, fear and anxiety that emotionally and physically they would never truly be the same ever again. The sheer scale of your mistake, if ever to be materialized, would not only surpass the size of the world, but it would reach far beyond the edges of the known, and almost certainly the unknown universe. I could sit here and write paragraphs, nay, books describing your immense failure, yet even if I were to dedicate my life to describing the reality of what has just gone down here, and I would spend every moment of it until my heart stops beating working as hard and efficiently as possible, yet there is not even a snowballs chance in hell that I would be able to come close to transcribing the absolute shitshow you have just released upon the world. You are an irresponsible, idiotic, disgusting, unloved, horrible excuse for a living being who’s soul contains less humanity than every ginger in history combined. The absolute disgust I feel when thinking about anything that has even a slight resemblance to anything that might have to do with you and your unholy actions is so incredibly great that when I am honest about it I think that even I do not posses a consciousness great enough to comprehend my own feelings about it. When people of Columbia fought to break free from Lungmen, countless soldiers fought and lost their lives in favor of a chance at a better future for their children, they did not give their lives to have you fuck the world up beyond repair to the degree that you are doing right now. Honestly, even when technology advances and studies on the subject become more and more accurate, I do not think humanity will ever truly be able to understand what your failure actually means for the universe. My hate for you and everything you stand for is so much deeper than the depths of Shambala that you could probably take the entire Lungmen population down there and back up around twenty million times before you would have sunk to the end of my hate, and honestly, I do not want to exaggerate, but I think that that insult was low balling it such a massive amount that all mountains in this world combined would not be able to stack up to this imprecise judgement in light of the fact that when being honest, my hate is almost certainly bottomless. There is no one in this world that has ever loved you, and especially after what you just did, no one will ever love you in the future either. There is no hope that your idiotic behavior and especially your crooked soul will ever change for the better, and in fact quite the opposite might be true. By making the mistake that you just did, you have shown me that you are so incredibly hopeless that you will only devolve into a more idiotic and wretched creature than you already are. The only possible way in which your future would be brighter than the black hole your existence currently is would exclusively be because there is absolutely no conceivable way that you would even be able to sink lower than the pathetic place your current failure has put you in.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rxr59q

Happy 😊 InsERECTION✊🏻 🍆💦 Day 🌞my slutty 😩little🙇 PATRIOTS🇺🇸!!! TODAY 🕛📅is the day🌞 DADDY👨🏻‍🦰TRUMP🍊 ORDERED 👉🏻the PROUD 🏳️‍🌈BOYS 👨🏼‍❤️‍👨🏼 💅🏻to STORM ⛈ the Capitol’s GIRTHY 😏 DOME 🍄 and PENETRATE 👉🏻👌🏻😩the HALLS🏛of CONGRESS👨🏼‍⚖️. THAT'S RIGHT✔✅✔ Things got KINKY⛓🤫and our DEMOCRACY 🇺🇸wasn’t🚫the only🔞one👆🏻 to ⤵️go down⤵️ that day 🍆😉. TODAY📅 is a DAY🌞 to SLURP UP🍴👅FACEBOOK 💻👵🏻MISINFORMATION🚨🗣📰AND HUNT🔍🔎 for SATANIC 👹👿👺CANNIBALS ☠️🍖🍽 AT YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD🏡 PIZZA PLACE🍕👨🏻‍🍳!!! MAKE SURE ✔ TO CHECK 🔍🔎YOUR 5G 📶TOWER🗼🍆 FOR CORONAVIRUS 😷 TOO, BECAUSE THE DEEP 🕳STATE 🇺🇸 IS A SNEAKY👟 CUCK🐓! SEND💌📬📫 THIS⬇TO1⃣5️⃣ OF YOUR SLUTTIEST😫😩😫  INSURRECTIONISTS😡🔫 OR JFK JR 👱🏻‍♂️🪦WON'T🚫🚫 RISE ⬆🤤FROM THE GRAVE ⚰ TO FILL YOUR BIG❗ OL' Q-ANUSSY 🍑 WITH HIS PRESIDENTIAL 🇺🇸🏛CUMMIES 💦💦💦!!!

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rxqedi

I'm attracted to women but women think I'm ugly. And twinks/femboys are way nicer and easier to talk to and way hornier, plus they're cute and feminine enough that I can convince myself that they're a cute girl. So whenever I wanna get laid, I just find a twink to have sex with instead of looking for a girl because I know i'll never find one

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rxpg96

My (78M) sister (17F) and I have never gotten along. One day she caught me spying on her in the shower(15M), and we got into a huge fight. So I stole her shampoo bottle(16M) and jacked off to hentai(18F) as much as possible until I filled it up all the way. I put the bottles back and the next day her hair smelled like cum(78M) and she was crying. My Mom(21F) and my dad found out and started to yell at me, so with my huge 900 inch cock(78M), I cummed(2000 Gallons) all over them and then they all drowned in cum.

I am now facing life imprisonment(200 Years) but I honestly dont think I deserve it and that they are overreacting.

So, Reddit, AITA?

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rxnqgc

Happy 😊 insERECTION ✊🍆💦 Day 🌞 my slutty 😩 little 🙇‍♂️ PATRIOTS 🇺🇲 !!! TODAY 📅 is the day 🌞 DADDY 🙍‍♂️ TRUMP 🍊 ORDERED 👉 THE PROUD 🏳️‍🌈 BOYS 🙍‍♂️ to STORM ⛈️ the capitol's GIRTHY 😏 DOME🍄 and PENETRATE 👉👌😩 the HALLS 🏛️of CONGRESS 👨‍💼 and our DEMOCRACY 🇺🇲 wasn't 🚫 the only 🔞 one ☝️ to ⤵️ go down ⤵️ that day 🍆😏 TODAY 🌞 is a DAy📅 to SLURP UP🍴👅 FACEBOOK 💻🧓🧓MISINFORMATION AND HUNT 🏹🏹for SATANIC 👹😈CANNIBALS ☠️🍖AT YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD PIZZA 🍕👨‍🍳PLACE !!! MAKE SURE ✅ TO CHECK👀 YOUR 5G 📞TOWER 🗼 FOR THAT SWEET 🍪AND SALTY🧂 😏 PATRIOT. 🇺🇲 JUICE 🍹!!! GOD BLESS AMERICA 🇺🇲🇺🇲🇺🇲 !!!

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rxmduz

“I don't live my life caring what anonymous nobodies think on the internet.

Surprisingly enough...worthless reddit karma is not my life goal.

Seriously, dumbass...you are trying to value me using something that is inherently worthless.

Are you really this fucking dense?”

Real comment, submitted by a giga-douche on r/golf 😂

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rxlbax

"It's an angel!"

"An angel?"

"An angel, Jerry!"

"Well what's the pattern? Is it blue?"

"Ohhh it's blue alright! You think I'd say it was an angel if it wasn't blue?"

"Okay, calm down, George. What number are we on now?"

"What number?"

"Of the angel. What's the number?"

"12. We're getting up there, Jerry. Double digits!"

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rxihoz

The cheapest dior bag I could find is 1.5k CAD, there is not even a snowballs chance in hell a "private snap" that other people most likely get to see is worth that, miss me with BULLSHIT I'm gonna go buy more airsoft guns.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rxhvw7

Judge: "how long do you think it would take to full a bathtub of cum? not limited to one person."

Maya: "How many people do you have?"

Judge: "you have infinite people."

Phoenix: "... assuming you have access to an infinite number of people, it takes each person on average 5 mins to bust a nut, and each nut is about a teaspoon, you could fill a bathtub with cum within 5 mins using 37800 people."

## Objection!

Edgeworth: "you cant fit 37800 around a bathtub at the same time."

Phoenix: "you said infinite."

Edgeworth: "infinite people not infinite space. you gotta figure out how many people you can fit around a tub."

Phoenix: "ima say about 7 people standing shoulder to shoulder can stand around the bathtub."

Gumshoe: "stack em."

Maya: "what?"

Gumshoe: "with a tower and the people already placed inside of it and them already edging. i call it the tower of cum."

## Hold it!

Phoenix: "If you have 7 dudes. assuming it takes each person 5 mins to nut, that would mean they each individually would need to nut 5400 times, multiply that by 5 mins and we see it would take 27000 mins or roughly 19 days to fill the tub."

Judge: "this feels like the dick jerk algorithm scene on silicon valley."

Maya: "but the semen would dry wouldn't it? even as you keep adding to it."

Edgeworth: "doesn't matter."

Phoenix: "he just said to fill it. it wouldn't add to the volume."

Gumshoe: "what if they edge? you only need to take into the account the time it takes to swap. kinda like napoleonic line infantry. first line cums, second line edges, then the first line retreats to the back line swapping and actual ejaculation time then becomes the time consumers."

Phoenix: "actually... ok. if you had 37800 dudes, and they all edge until they swap out, you could have them nut as soon as they get into position. assuming it takes on average 30 seconds to swap out, you could shrink that time down to a nut every 30 seconds. if you swap to the rapid fire technique, it would take roughly 1.8 days to fill the tub."

Gumshoe: "stacking is still the most efficient way. getting people to cum into the tub from a tower is much faster."

Maya: "what about splash?"

Edgeworth: "fuck your cum tower dude."

## Hold it!

Maya: "You have to account for evaporation when it takes so long."

## Objection!

Phoenix: "does cum evaporate?"

Edgeworth: "yes."

Maya: "cum has water in it. and water evaporates."

Judge: "what the fuck is this chat?"

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rxh5rn

I actually hate this meme more than anything in my fucking life, i've seen it more times then i've brushed my teeth in the past decade its not funny its a stupid reference with no punchline smart joke or wit even, if i hadn't seen it enough times to want to claw my eyes out, i and everyone else still wouldn't find it funny, literally the only enticing or in any way entertaining part of me seeing this is typing out this hate message simply because of how much i fucking hate this.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rxfpen

AITA Will i become a pedophile if i jerk off to an illustration of 16 years old anime girl

Me(16M) thought that I won't become a pedophile if i am still a minor. one day I found an NSFW illustration(pixiv.net) of an anime girl from a game called "Blue Archive". My curiosity made me research about the game and found out that she's 16. after I knew her age I accidentally activate my 0.2% pedophilic grindset and it made me automatically click back to the tab that I opened to find the illustration of that girl. the illustration made my cock(18cm) hard and I jerk off 6 times my cum is enough to fill 2/5 of a can of pepsi. after i cum i realized that i have jerk off to a minor(16F) i quickly clean up my cum and take responsibility by downloading the game(around 3GB) and tried my best to get her affection level higher. AITA?

TL;DR : cum

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rxe6r9

Gardevoir is literally one of the most fuckable pokemon there are, you're just mad because you're in denial. Let's start with fact now, Gardevoir is 5'3", this is not only the perfect height, but it means they can also have enough height to be able to do anything you want. While being 5'3", Gardevoir is also only 103LBs, so, theyre lite enough to pick up and have an all around good time. So, these are facts, not only this, but Gardevoir, LITERALLY, does not feel the pull of gravity, while also distorting dimensions. So, not only does this mean that Gardevoir can do anything they want ignoring gravity, but they are literally capable of making a pocket dimension in which yall can fuck in. These are all facts. Continuing with these facts, Gardevoir is telepathic and feels a strong emotion connection to their trainer, so, they will know before you that you're horny, she literally has it locked down and in the know before you're even aware of it, this only means that they are are able to serve their trainer in every way possible. So, these are just the facts on Gardevoir, but let's go even deeper so I can prove to you how Gardevoir is literally the most fuckable pokemon there is: Gardevoir can learn double team, so, now you get to fuck two of them. Gardevoir can learn charm, so, you thought you were horny before, but now it's compounded on itself. Finally, Gardevoir can learn mean look, combining this with double team, means not only do you get a tsundere on your dick, but also a submissive one. It's the best of both worlds. Gardevoir is literally the most fuckable pokemon there is and all of these are facts that yall are too afraid to realize

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rxd967

Okay so at this point it is common knowledge that the human anus can stretch up to 9 inches without sustaining damage, and raccoons fit in a 4 inch space so therefor two raccoons can fit in your ass right? old news. But considering the fact that a mouse is 19 grams and raccoons weigh 6 kilograms on average, by extrapolating weight (let's say humans weigh 90kg on average) we can calculate that the ratio from human weight to raccoon weight is 1:15 and the ratio from raccoon weight to mouse weight is 1:315. (315 times 19 grams is close to 6 kilograms) Now considering the fact that a 1:15 ratio means two raccoons fit, we can simply divide by 7 and a half. 315 divided by 7.5 is 42, so it is reasonable to assume that a single raccoon can fit up to 42 mice up it's anus. Therefor, the human body can be used to smuggle up to two raccoons and 84 mice rectally.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rxcefz

If you don’t like bread crust, you were taught not to. No baby popped out the womb ready to hate the slightly browner edge of a slice of bread. Pickiness is a learned trait, and if you don’t eat the crust your children will grow up even weaker than you already are. Pickiness breeds discontentment, lowers your adaptability by forcing reliance on fewer foods, and will ultimately be the demise of western society. By not eating that crust, you’re missing out on key nutrients and failing your great great grandmother who survived two world wars and the Great Depression to give you access to that Wonder Bread with its delightfully soft crust. You dishonor her memory.

This isn’t medieval Europe where the crust was like iron, this is the 21st century, and modern bread crust would be like manna from heaven to a serf. So eat the fucking crust. Think of the fucking Pilgrims, they would have killed to have a bread crust instead of sour acorns and mealy mush. Next time you turn your nose up at a sandwich that has the crust still attached, I hope that a pigeon shits in your drink.

C’mon. Eat the crust. It’s that simple.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rxaklw

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rxahyd

More than 300 A / L students tried to steal my choice, and I was ready to fight terrorism and information in the US. O. Military. I don't know what the American people say. Check your IP address and see results. You can die in a strong wind. I love you with Monk I will not go to China sorry he said "sweet" you are the only one.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rx8fwo

I actually hope that you all stay poor and ignorant. I am laughing at you. You reject new technology because of talking points and bias. You think digital items can’t be worth millions because you don’t understand their utility or the future innovations that can come out of it. You haven’t even sat down to really give it some thought. I have no desire for your money or to influence you. I have confirmed my suspicions that I am correct. and I am laughing at all of you lol. If someone wants to throw me a good argument, and some evidence, go ahead.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rx8h2x

i was recruited to the trans cult

One morning I was outside on my porch, I’d just gotten dressed in my bald eagle T-shirt, Levi’s overalls and My MAGA hat (brand new obviously I kept a closet full of them.) Sipping an ice-cold Starbucks Frappuccino and eating some chick-a-filet while listening to Ben Shapiro ruin liberals, like I did every morning, when two people walked up to me with flyers and a clipboard. At first I thought they were Jehova’s Witnesses so I reached for my red white and blue shotgun that I kept under my rocking chair. When they got a little closer, and before I could holler at them to get off my lawn, I saw that they were dressed head to toe in pins, rainbow sashes, and cat ears. I was so shocked I couldn’t even speak until they started.

“Good morning,” said one, “we’re here to talk about our lord and savior Laverne Cox. Do you believe?” “Of course not,” I sputtered “no red blooded American ships any relationship other than Jesus Christ and Ronald McDonald.” I made the motion of the cross, and the motion of the M. I wanted them to go away, but their energy held me in place. They handed me a flyer with a beautiful woman on it. “Have you ever thought about life on the other side?” I was amazed. That woman was so pretty. She was the kind of woman I’d take out to a nice dinner at the Cheesecake Factory and murder in the parking lot after we talked about her genitals. “No.” Was all I could muster. “It’s fun!” They said in unison. “Come with us, you can give it a try!” Since it was Tuesday and I was unemployed because all the Mexicans took my job as a dishwasher after I smoked weed in the restaurant, I had nothing to do that day, so I went along with it.

They took me to their church, a basement below the forever 21 at the local mall, and I felt uncomfortable walking through and getting uncomfortable stares from all the women in there. The basement was full of anime posters, broken pc’s with people hard at work fixing them, and the altar. The altar was made up of thousands of penises, placed carefully to form a table, and tied together with hair ties and clips.

“Put your penis on the altar” they said. “To be one of us, you have to sacrifice your penis to the trans gods” I was afraid then. What would happen to my penis? I shook my head, but they grabbed me and shoved my penis on the altar. It looked hip at me sadly, and said “why are you doing this to me, you know it’s all for naught! You’ll never be a woman because of chromosomes!” And I paused, and one of my recruiters smiled forlornly at it. “I know, little one, but each of you we add to the altar, the stronger we become! Eventually all men and women will be trans and the cis will have no place in the world! That’s why we call them cis anyway, not to declare a difference between trans and not, but so we can eventually oppress them so much that they’ll have to use it every time!” They put on a mask and started stabbing it to death with a She/Her button. “Nooooo....” it trailed off, its little legs twitching their last twitch, it’s eye closing for good. “You’re one of us now. Welcome to the cult. Come, have some koolaid” I smiled, and threw my MAGA hat to the ground, and took off my shirt. They handed me a T with the image of Karl Marx. I put it on, and they handed me the koolaid. It tasted like estrogen. I felt my body grow weak, but still far too strong to compete in women’s sports. My hair grew out and a pile of money appeared, as it does to every newly recruited tran, in a brown paper bag marked “stolen from real women when we took their rights” I sashayed up out of the temple, and bought a choker at the Forever 21. The woman behind the counter winked at me, pulling down her shirt just enough for me to see the tri-color pin on her bra strap. We are everywhere. We are legion. I vowed never to vote republican, or use the men’s toilet again. We are stronger now. Nobody can stop us.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rx6f3x

As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain,
I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain
But that's just perfect for an Amish like me
You know, I shun fancy things like electricity
At 4: 30 in the morning I'm milkin' cows
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... fool
And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that
Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone
I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine
Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
I've churned butter once or twice
Living in an Amish paradise
It's hard work and sacrifice
Living in an Amish paradise
We sell quilts at discount price
Living in an Amish paradise

A local boy kicked me in the butt last week
I just smiled at him and turned the other cheek
I really don't care, in fact I wish him well
'Cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in hell
But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved it
An Amish with a 'tude? You know that's unheard of
I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat
And my homies all I agree I really look good in black... fool
If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears
We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years
But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare
We're just technologically impaired

There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar
Not a single luxury
Like Robinson Crusoe
It's as primitive as can be

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
We're just plain and simple guys
Living in an Amish paradise
There's no time for sin and vice
Living in an Amish paradise
We don't fight, we all play nice
Living in an Amish paradise

Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter
Raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise anudder
Think you're really righteous? Think you're pure in heart?
Well, I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art
I'm the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like
On my knees day and night scorin' points for the afterlife
So don't be vain and don't be whiny
Or else, my brother, I might just have to get medieval on your heinie

We been spending most our lives
Living in an Amish paradise
We're all crazy Mennonites
Living in an Amish paradise
There's no cops or traffic lights
Living in an Amish paradise
But you'd probably think it bites
Living in an Amish paradise

Yech

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rx5rwu