What are we getting for dinner?
Sushi of course. Uh oh, there was a roofie inside of our gas station sushi,
we black out and wake up in a sewer. We're surrounded by fish; horny fish.
You know what that means.
Fish orgy, the stench draws in a bear. What are we gonna do?
We're gonna fight it.
BEAR FIGHT. BEAR HANDED. BEAR naked? oh yes, please.
We befriend the bear after we beat it in a brawl. then we ride into a chuck-e-cheese,
dance dance revolution. REVOLUTION? OVERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT? uh, I think so.
next thing you know, i'm reincarnated as Jesus Christ.
Then i turn into a jet, fly into the sun, black out again, wake up, do a bump, white out which i didn't know you could do, then i smoked a joint.
Greened-out, then i turned into the sun. uh oh, looks like the meth is kicking in.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rv4lfo

So the Chainsaw Man anime trailer just came out and, yeah, looks good on all blah, blah, blah, blah. Who cares about that? We're finally going to get Makima's cheeks to be animated on the big screen. I've been waiting for this day since chapter one.

Makima Simps rise up because we're about to go on a motherfucking crusade. Let's be real. There's not that many women I would ask to just shit on my chest, smear it in my mouth and treat me like a dog. There's not that many women that would ask to do that to me, but Makima is an exception.

I mean, look at her curves. They remind me of bowling balls. She got two on her chest and two on her ass. She's 100% bad bitch, man. That sweet red hair and those hypnotizing eyes made me want to be her slave like bro. I'll bring my whole race back to the 1820s, and we're all slaves just so Makima can be my master.

I want her to whip her name on my back, and I'm not going to spoil anything on what happens in the manga. But most people know that she does not deserve the love and respect that I give her right now. Listen, she just doesn't like birthday cakes. Dude, stop bitching about her. But that ass is speaking to me through brainwaves telling me that I need to just get a good sniff on it. I would risk anything for that one good sniff.

You see us, Makima Simps. Just built different. We degrade ourselves, not because we're down bad, but because we are enlightened. We have seen our Lord and savior, and we dedicate our existence to her as the Muslims say Allahu Akbar. But the Makima Crusaders are changing it instead of Muslims, we're now makimas, Makima Akbar! Makima Akbar!.

In conclusion, I just want a cup of her piss in my mouth.

My tip is sticky. Box of balls. Jumbo balls. Kanye the imposter. Baca nuts. Kamala got the dump truck. Edpreet is my friend. Little Mosey. Black kids. Arab dudes, black people have hippyroids. My tip is so stuck. I'm EDP.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rv2w88

Roxanne Wolf is so hot. Never in the history of gaming has there been a hotter character. She is more than a robot wolf to me, she is a person. She is a little tease but she's basically my wife. The devs know what they did with that wolf. The aesthetic paired with her demeanor make her such an attractive character. Nothing gets me going better than a punk rock wolf chick. Every inch of her is so hot. Her thighs up to her midriff and her eyes. Every inch of her is perfection incarnate. I would save the game and let her catch me just to feel the intimacy between us. I crave more than lustful fantasies with her, I seek deep romantic involvement. The craftsmanship of her character surpasses everything I expected from this game. Her tone of voice and language choice formats her character. The choice of clothes with short shorts and the crop top which reveal her milky thighs and delectable midriff compliment her punk rock personality more. She is my wife, and nothing dissuades me from this fact.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rv2l0b

Year is 2028
The pandemic has gotten so bad we are all forced to wear colored isolation suits with their own oxygen tank and no hands for contact. Those infected are turned into sociopathic murders that try to secretly kill everyone, but still dress and act like the rest of us. I work as a spaceship engineer in the Skled along with 9 other people. We just got notified that one among us was infected, but we still have to keep maintaining the ship otherwise it will explode. We are trying to figure out who it is by voting. 2 of us are already dead and i saw red vent, but nobody believes me. I think the others want to vote me off. This might be the last thing i'll write. Goodbye. Tell me wife i love her.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rv139b

A girl.... AND a gamer? Whoa mama! Hummina hummina hummina bazooooooooing! \*eyes pop out\* AROOOOOOOOGA! \*jaw drops tongue rolls out\* WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF \*tongue bursts out of the outh uncontrollably leaking face and everything in reach\* WURBLWUBRLBWURblrwurblwurlbrwubrlwburlwbruwrlblwublr \*tiny cupid shoots an arrow through heart\* Ahhhhhhhhhhh me lady... \*heart in the shape of a heart starts beating so hard you can see it through shirt\* ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum \*milk truck crashes into a bakery store in the background spiling white liquid and dough on the streets\* BABY WANTS TO FUCK \*inhales from the gas tank\* honka honka honka honka \*masturabtes furiously\* ohhhh my gooooodd\~

Source: https://old.reddit.com/ruzxx0

Son: M-Mom??? W-What the fuck are you doing??? Dude, she's my mom!!!

Mom:

A-ah!! S-sweetie\~!! P-p-please d-don't NGHHIIEEEK\~\~!!

*I start to shoot a lot of juices right at yourbfeet as i cum again*

Son:

E-Ew!!! Y-You two are both horrible people!! My mom, betraying me with my BEST FRIEND... This is just the worst...

*My face is super red, and you can see a bulge popping as i keep watching you two going at itt*

*Mom:* I-i'm sorry hun... But he's just so big and rough\~\~! I didn't had a fuck like this in years\~

Son:

B-But... What about dad?? How can you do this to dad??

*As i yell and complain, i unconsciously start rubbing the bulge in my crotch, not taking my eyes off of you two*

*Mom:* Y-you d-dad doesn't fuck me\~ Not even looks at me\~! H-he's just a dumb o-old mEENNNGH! AH\~! AH\~!

Son:

Ah, fuck... You... You are such a fucking whore mom... You are such a horrible woman... Getting fucked like a pornstar right in front of your son... Not only that, but the dude is my best friend... I feel so humiliated...

*I put one of my hands down my pants and start jerking off*

*Friend:* There’s nothing to be upset about man! Come lay down on the bed and I’ll show you why your mom loves having me over so much!

Son: ... S-Sure dude...

Source: https://old.reddit.com/ruz6z1

(We gon' hump them,

We gon' suck their dicks off,

We gon' hump them,

We gon' suck their dicks off)

It's about dick, it's about penis

Men are from Mars but I'm from Venus

Put it in the butt, spank em in the shower

And take what's ours

I want to drain the main vein

Prostate massage so insane

Until you scream

I'm so mothafuckin gay (Cock!)

Who we gonna fuck tho?

Masturbation, Ejaculation

Slangin lots of semen to the masses

Face to Face and now we fornicating

Bussy only when I bust in asses

Meat on ya so thicc indeed

When I'm pumping hard

You're gonna scream, mama

Don't bring condoms to the queen rama

(Then nut!) Cumming on ya with extreme mana!

[https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/912022331176681512/919262507795894412/lRyPG3i1lHjWeoHy.mp4](https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/912022331176681512/919262507795894412/lRyPG3i1lHjWeoHy.mp4)

Source: https://old.reddit.com/ruxmcx

Hindus are actually genetically insane
The first bowl was too hot, the second bowl was too cold, but the third bowl of oatmeal was just.... fuckin.... right...

AND thats why bears are going extinct cause we eat all the baby bears oatmeal instead of being the immortal baby bear with infinitely omniperfect oatmeal with mother and father, in the cabin in the enchanted forest

STEP 1 We give baby bear oatmeal extract to our finest alices to help retain youthfulness looking ness in degenerating conditions
STEP 2 We provide apple sauce and strawberry hats to our most traditional germans
STEP 3 We provide paper for all of those paper that we paper as people
STEP 3 We provide medical grade poisonous alkaloid salt analogues laced with cybernetic modulation code
SSTEP 3 We provide food grade cement powder h2o2 and embalming fluid
Aka products

STEP 0 Join the vril society, go back in time, stop world War 2, put children in the hands of people who won't use their vril for time travel and world domination.

As an institution of of many 33 degree Bound Masons, we have provided millions of light-years multiplied by 10³³³ light-years of space distance away from space. Don't you think you should think you think you should need something?
WE PROVIDE YOU DECIDE, buy the ticket take the ride :D

Source: https://old.reddit.com/ruxbp8

i wanna fuck maggpi from my singing monsters so bad.not a day goes by where i dont imagine groping those hot monster thighs,i want to make her pussy wet like the ocean.i get so turned on hearing her sing this is not a joke.i wanna stick my cock in her mouth till she gags as i stick my hands into that wet monster pussy and say "good girl 🥵🥵🥵".I wanna put 2 fingers in that monster pussy and rub as she moans.I want her to suck my cock and lick my delicious thighs as i get pegged by her horns,as i seductively moan into her ear.i wanna lick her thighs as she gasps for air.i wanna squeeze her monster ass and then put my cock in it and go wild.go wild knowing my sexual satisfaction is finally official,that im finally getting fucked the way i deserve it.i want her to rub my balls as she talks about how yummy and squishy they are,as they hang from my 10 inch cock that she quickly kisses and licks,turning me on even more,making me gasp in excitement,making me wanna spread open that monster pussy and start kissing and licking it constantly as white cum comes out of the thing and i eat it up like its sustinance,depending on it for my life,wanting it more than anything.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/ruw68t

It sounds like you don't have an iPhone, let me know if you need any advice or tips for how to get in a socio-economic position like mine (iPhone 13). I really think it comes down to planning goals with executable dates and putting an emphasis on education. It was a struggle waiting tables while being a full-time University student pursuing a STEM degree, but I am working a great paying job now where I can afford things like iPhones. Feel free to shoot me a private message, I believe in you!

Source: https://old.reddit.com/ruvq33

i don’t like nuts in my mouth. first of all, they feel weird. they’re often a bit hairy. what do i look like getting nut hair in my mouth? and on that note, why the fuck do nuts need hair? hm? to protect them? to keep them warm? but i thought the chest nuts were roasting by an open fire? what happened to that? and on that note, why chestnuts? why not cashews? almonds? i would like those nuts in my mouth because there is no hair.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/ruuyuf

I am living in your walls. I am living in your walls. I am living in your walls.

You may be concerned about this. In case you are, please read the below:

FAQ:

Why are you living in my walls?

I'm not going to tell you.

Are you only in my walls?

You could say I am living in everybody's walls, but in the case I am telling you that I am living in your walls, I am living in your walls.

How are you surviving in my walls?

In my non-physical form, I am crawling around listening for you. That is all I need to survive in that form. In my physical form, I survive by eating rat corpses that I cook using the wall behind your oven, and I drink the vapor in the extraction fan duct above your shower.

What are you planning to do in my walls?

Live in them, listening to you.

What do I do about you living in my walls?

Listen for the scraping. Dont touch the walls. Protect yourself. Avoid lighting candles.

When are you going to stop living in my walls?

You cannot escape me.

Do I call the police?

The authorities will not help you.

What are the consequences of you living in my walls?

Be aware.

What if I am ok with you living in my walls?

I will make sure you’re not.

Are you imaginary?

I AM LIVING IN YOUR WALLS I AM LIVING IN YOUR WALLS I AM LIVING IN YOUR WALLS I AM LIVING IN YOUR WALLS I AM LIVING IN YOUR WALLS I AM LIVING IN YOUR WALLS I AM LIVING IN YOUR WALLS I AM LIVING IN YOUR WALLS

If there are any more questions then please consult your walls by directly speaking to them.

Summary:

I am living in your walls.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rut1tg

Good afternoon, sir or madam. I am an Officer from the Reddit Police and I am obliged to inform you that the source of your meme - an individual identifying himself as ‘Stonetoss’ - is in fact a Nazi. 🚨

As you may be aware, Stonetoss creates content that questions modern liberalism, which has led the Blue-Checkmarked Government and the Guildmasters of Gallow to label him as a dangerous fascist. He embraces this title because he thrives on postmodern cancel culture - this behaviour has led Reddit to sentence him to a life of eternal suffering under Godwin’s Law.

Since I am unemployed, single and I don’t have the self-agency to develop a coomer brain, my life revolves around scrolling through Reddit in case I see a Stonetoss edit (who I am obliged to call “Pebbleyeet”, for ‘tis the law of the realm), at which point my sworn duty is to downvote the post and inform the OP (to whom this comment is directed) of this egregious error in judgement. If you still believe your meme is funny regardless, we have the power to accuse you of espousing the ideals of the Third Reich even if there is no record of you doing so. These accusations are binding and will be enforced via upvotes and guilds.

This is your last warning, Nazi scum.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rurnqg

A girl.... AND a gamer? Whoa mama! Hummina hummina hummina bazooooooooing! *eyes pop out* AROOOOOOOOGA! *jaw drops tongue rolls out* WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF *tongue bursts out of the outh uncontrollably leaking face and everything in reach* WURBLWUBRLBWURblrwurblwurlbrwubrlwburlwbruwrlblwublr *tiny cupid shoots an arrow through heart* Ahhhhhhhhhhh me lady... *heart in the shape of a heart starts beating so hard you can see it through shirt* ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum *milk truck crashes into a bakery store in the background spiling white liquid and dough on the streets* BABY WANTS TO FUCK *inhales from the gas tank* honka honka honka honka *masturabtes furiously* ohhhh my gooooodd~

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rure6z

"Based"? Are you fucking kidding me? I spent a decent portion of my life writing all of that and your response to me is "Based"? Are you so mentally handicapped that the only word you can comprehend is "Based" - or are you just some fucking asshole who thinks that with such a short response, he can make a statement about how meaningless what was written was? Well, I'll have you know that what I wrote was NOT meaningless, in fact, I even had my written work proof-read by several professors of literature. Don't believe me? I doubt you would, and your response to this will probably be "Based" once again. Do I give a fuck? No, does it look like I give even the slightest fuck about five fucking letters? I bet you took the time to type those five letters too, I bet you sat there and chuckled to yourself for 20 hearty seconds before pressing "send". You're so fucking pathetic. I'm honestly considering directing you to a psychiatrist, but I'm simply far too nice to do something like that. You, however, will go out of your way to make a fool out of someone by responding to a well-thought-out, intelligent, or humorous statement that probably took longer to write than you can last in bed with a chimpanzee. What do I have to say to you? Absolutely nothing. I couldn't be bothered to respond to such a worthless attempt at a response. Do you want "Based" on your gravestone?

Source: https://old.reddit.com/ruov3b

\[No Regrets\]: If you don't feel bad

I love the taste of my mom's pussy. She always has a mouth full of my cum, so I lick her pussy to savor it. She is also very sweet and sweetly kisses me after I suck her pussy juice. It's so hot when she moans or cums from a blowjob, it's amazing. I love it when my mom cums from a blowjob. All my friends think I am a freak for my taste, because I love the taste of my mom's pussy. It's so hot to take her cum in my mouth, and I love the way she tastes. I love eating my mom's pussy, and I love the way she tastes. I love it when I eat her pussy and her cum tastes amazing. I love her sweet and sweetly kisses my mom's pussy. It's so hot to know that I'm not the only one that loves the taste of my mom's pussy. I love eating my mom's pussy when she's masturbating, and I love the way her pussy tastes. She's so sweet and sweetly kisses me after she jacks off. It's so hot to know I'm not the only one that loves my mom's pussy.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/runy9q

my fucking dad puts screentime on every single one of my devices and apps even tho it’s fucking winter break like wtf am I supposed to do all day after we got 6 inches of snow yesterday and it’s 40 degrees out?? I’m tryna play video games with my friends but this guy makes me send a request for screentime on my laptop every morning and sometimes he just ignores it and tries to act all friendly around me like I’m not fucking pissed off. Like damn I don’t just sit in my room all day on technology either, I hang out with friends and stuff too but this shit is annoying!!! I swear I be chillin in my room and then boom “your screentime is up for instagram” like fuck off!!! I remember one time this guy made all my apps and content below 18+ and non explicit so all my carti songs on apple music got uninstalled and I lost like all my music. fuck this guy. got me on reddit now typing this shit🤦

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rungyo

Wowem ipsum dowow sit amet, consectetuw adipiscing ewit, sed do eiusmod tempow incididunt ut wabowe et dowowe magnya awiqua. Ut enyim ad minyim venyiam, quis nyostwud exewcitation uwwamco wabowis nyisi ut awiquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute iwuwe dowow in wepwehendewit in vowuptate vewit esse ciwwum dowowe eu fugiat nyuwwa pawiatuw. Excepteuw sint occaecat cupidatat nyon pwoident, sunt in cuwpa qui officia desewunt mowwit anyim id est wabowum."

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rulkm3

Femboy looking for futanari/females

Kinks: Abuse, Aftercare, Anal, Choking, deepthroat/face fucking, rough, foot play/footjobs, forced, slave/pet play, oral sex, rimming, bdsm(Rough/soft), feminization, heavy / extreme bondage, pegging, swallowing, edging/teasing, blackmail, non-con, humiliation, name calling, body worshipping, breath play, orgasm control/denial, age difference,size difference, toys, public play, bukkake, bad ends, loving, excessive cum, bodywriting, tattooing, marking, sweat, huge cock, cum play, spit, addiction, mind breaking, armpits, cock worship, crossdressing, face sitting, sloppy/deep kissing.

Limits: gore, bathroom fetishes, vomit, vore

Post length: No post length limits. I can write 4 to 7 pc lines mostly. I am okay with anyone that has enough english to communicate with me.

Plot: I don't have any plot ideas. If you have any ideas, please share with me in DMs.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rukogp

I'm not gay, but I want to suck a cock. Cocks look so juicy and tasty when you think about it. Just imagine slurping up and down on a warm throbbing cock as a man stronger and bigger than you pats your head and calls you a good boy. I'm entirely straight. I just have a penis fetish.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/ruiuau