I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masturbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masturbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rtbapu

Gregory. I know you might be too young to understand this, but this is very important and time sensitive. If you don't act soon, it could be too late

I need you to fuck Roxy. You are the only one who can continue the Fazbear lineage. She's the last fertile member of her bloodline. I am certain you will make beautiful human robot wolf offspring. I'm counting on you. Please don't let our legacy die out. You can do it, Superstar!

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rt9xd7

I am so sick and tired of people talking about getting glasses like it's some normal thing you could just go and do at any time. It's completely unnatural and should be shamed.

Don't you understand? No matter how much you wear prescription glasses, you still can't fucking see. When I try wearing glasses everything gets all wonky and my head hurts. If it doesn't work for me, it doesn't work for anybody.

Not to mention they want to give glasses to CHILDREN! You do realize how fucked that is? You are destroying that child's vision for ever, when they just need to learn how to see things better. Send them to the eye doctor or something don't make them wear glasses because you think that's not bad.

If you think glasses work, than why can you take them off? Shouldn't they be glued to your eyes so you can always see? Why would you need to get a higher prescription? I thought glasses worked.

Not to mention I've seen a lot of people stop wearing glasses eventually. I'd even say most of the people that wear glasses eventually regret it and stop.

Then there's people who wear contact lenses and think we don't notice. WE CAN ALWAYS TELL. Your eyes get all dry and stuff, and you have to blink an unnatural amount of times. Normal people don't have to blink that much, it's just proof that it doesn't work. Also, contacts change the color of your eyes. All of them. I understand what I'm talking about, yes.

What do you mean you can get eye surgery to not need glasses anymore? Seriously? Mutilating your eyeballs because you think you can't see? They also take children as young as 3 and force them to have this surgery. That's how horrible they are. No matter how much you laser your eyeballs you will always be unhappy with your eyesight.

Trust me in all of this. I am a smart.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rt8mdu

December 31st 2021 - I sat in my chair furiously masturbating my dick desperate to release gallons of sperm but I resisted the urge and I kept edging for 5 minutes carefully watching the clock on my PC. I waited in anticipation until finally it was 2022. I ejaculated releasing loads and loads of gooey white cum everywhere, I moaned with satisfaction, proud of my achievement.

I had just become the first person to cum in 2022. I look over my cum filled desk and chair with pride.

So all of you can go cry, because none of you will be able to claim my title of first person to cum in 2022. Go wallow in sorrow and self-pity at the fact that you missed the opportunity to ejaculate just when it reached the New Year at midnight. While you subhuman mere mortals are setting of fireworks at midnight, I am blasting a massive explosion of cum everywhere. Oh yes, I am now superior to everyone on the planet, bow down to me, the cum lord of 2022.

Happy new year, losers.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rt7tn6

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Ah, Perry the Platypus. I see that you’ve arrived at an unexpected time. Or, should I say, A COMPLETELY EXPECTED TIME!!! \[Fucking scream this line\] Anywho, I have a very special type of -inator today... (Suspense) BEHOLD!!!

(Dr. Doofenshmirtz proceeds to remove his comically large tarp from the hidden machine)

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: THE FEMBOYINATOR!!! With the femboyinator, I can turn you from a weak, pathetic platypus into a cute, submissive femboy!!!

Perry the Platypus: \*Teeth chatter\*

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Say goodbye to your sussy platypus body!

(Dr. Doofenshmirtz fires the Femboyinator)

\*Perry the Platypus turns into a very fuckable, submissive femboy)

Perry the Platypus: \*Falls to the ground\* Dr. Doofenshmirtz, you've done it. You've ruined my life. Now I can never return to my family who loves me so much. I am not longer an agile animal but now a clumsy, bumbling femboy. I can no longer live the life I used to know. I now have to get a job and contribute to society (Writer's note: Ew), with no education or financial backing. So kudos to you, Heinz, good on you for ruining my life.

​

(Long awkward silence)

​

​

​

​

Dr. Doofenshmirtz: Well, you could become a prostitute.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rt6van

So it was this one night where you went to sleep, I came over late at night, came over with a bottle of wine. It was in a brown bag, cause thats what niggas do. And you know, your mom she answered the door in a robe, smelling good, had on a nice perfume. I can't remember the scent, it was like one of those cougar scents. And I walked through the door right, and she opens the robe, and titties was just as saggy as ever cause you know, gravity hit em she was a little bit older gravity hit em she had a seasoned body. Stomach was still a little bit flat but with stretch marks, titties was sagging a little bit, ass was slappable but it wasn't nothing circumferent or bubbly, uh and she invites me in right and the first thing she does is rip off my shirt I knew she was gonna rip off my shirt so I wore something cheap. She rips off my shirt, throws off my jacket, she unzips my pants and she just sits there for a minute astonished at the girth and the length of the BBC, and at that point all I could do was grab her from the back of her neck, spin her around, bend her over, spread both cheeks wide, before I slide in slap 1, slap 2, slap right slap left, and I slid in the BBC slowly while she moaned profusely, groaned, screamed. I couldn't believe I felt all five dimensions of the vag, I felt the back, the left, oh let me say that again, I felt the back, the right, the left, down, over, 5 dimensions was touched, creamed all over the D. After a 30 minute session I didn't even wanna fuck, but I made it last for 30 minutes so she can make SURE that I gave her the best orgasms she ever had. Creamed all over the condom, I'm not gonna fuck around. Pulled off the condom and I busted and shot, Super Soaker ZX all over those ass cheeks until she just couldn't handle it no more. Then I went in the bathroomand I rinsed off right, cleaned it off, got ready got a towel, cleaned up then I was OUTTA there and I haven't fucking called her since bitch ass nigga!

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rt4hzp

TL;DR: Travis is the embodiment of the contemporary famous douche.

No-lie, he sold me fake lean outside my middle-school while I was still a student years ago; pulled up in a fuckin Rolls-Royce Phantom after I DM'd him saying I was a fan & it was cool to see him in my hometown on his insta story.

He said "send location" so I sent him it thinking he would laugh seeing it was obviously a school, but he just replied "bet, I got you. be there in 5" & then he showed up 2 hours later during our after lunch recess.

Everyone was freaking out when he pulled in because they knew it was him when they saw his FortniteⓇ Phantom. It felt good, I felt validated; no one believed me when I told them originally, now I was the man.

I walked over to the car, he asked "you fux wit da wokky slush?" & then before I could answer, as if it was a rhetorical question, he asked "how thick yo bread lil (N-word w/ a hard R)" (?) - Anxious & now confused, I replied: "We just got out of lunch, Mr. Scott. I already finished my sandwich from home", but it seemed like that answer annoyed him.

He then, very punctually, said "bet... what you have on you then?" - I went through my pockets, found the $20 I brought for the Scholastic Book Fair later that day, & then I held out my hand with all I had.

He took it from me, then he poured 1/4th of a bottle of NyQuil into a baby bottle (wtf?), capped it, & tossed it to me. We all watched as he chugged the remaining 3/4ths himself straight out of the original packaging.

No one believes me, but I was the closest to him, I swear I heard him say "Sicko Mode protocol engaged" to himself - just before his driver revved up the car bouncing it off the rev limiter & then seemingly just forced it from park into drive abruptly.

Worst Fortnite character ever, no doubt.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rt4tgq

Infinite cum. You sit on the toilet to jack off, but you begin to cum uncontrollably. After ten spurts you start to worry. Your hand is sticky and it reeks of semen. You desperately shove your dick into a wad of toilet paper, but that only makes your balls hurt. The cum accelerates. It’s been three minutes. You can’t stop cumming. Your bathroom floor is covered in a thin layer of baby fluid. You try to cum into the shower drain but it builds up too fast. You try the toilet. The cum is too thick to be flushed. You lock the bathroom door to prevent the cum from escaping. The air grows hot and humid from the cum. The cum accelerates. You slip and fall in your own sperm. The cum is now six inches deep, almost as long as your still-erect semen hose. Sprawled on your back, you begin to cum all over the ceiling. Globs of the sticky white fluid begin to fall like raindrops, giving you a facial with your own cum. The cum accelerates. You struggle to stand as the force of the cum begins to propel you backwards as if you were on a bukkake themed slip-and-slide. Still on your knees, the cum is now at chin height. To avoid drowning you open the bathroom door. The deluge of man juice reminds you of the Great Molasses Flood of 1919, only with cum instead of molasses. The cum accelerates. It’s been two hours. Your children and wife scream in terror as their bodies are engulfed by the snow-white sludge. Your youngest child goes under, with viscous bubbles and muffled cries rising from the goop. You plead to God to end your suffering. The cum accelerates. You squeeze your dick to stop the cum, but it begins to leak out of your asshole instead. You let go. The force of the cum tears your urethra open, leaving only a gaping hole in your crotch that spews semen. Your body picks up speed as it slides backwards along the cum. You smash through the wall, hurtling into the sky at thirty miles an hour. From a bird’s eye view you see your house is completely white. Your neighbor calls the cops. The cum accelerates. As you continue to ascend, you spot police cars racing towards your house. The cops pull out their guns and take aim, but stray loads of cum hit them in the eyes, blinding them. The cum accelerates. You are now at an altitude of 1000 feet. The SWAT team arrives. Military helicopters circle you. Hundreds of bullets pierce your body at once, yet you stay conscious. Your testicles have now grown into a substitute brain. The cum accelerates. It has been two days. With your body now destroyed, the cum begins to spray in all directions. You break the sound barrier. The government deploys fighter jets to chase you down, but the impact of your cum sends one plane crashing to the ground. The government decides to let you leave the earth. You feel your gonads start to burn up as you reach the edges of the atmosphere. You narrowly miss the ISS, giving it a new white paint job as you fly past. Physicists struggle to calculate your erratic trajectory. The cum accelerates. The cum begins to gravitate towards itself, forming a comet trail of semen. Astronomers begin calling you the “Cummet.” You are stuck in space forever, stripped of your body and senses, forced to endure an eternity of cumshots. Eventually, you stop thinking.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rt34n2

The Sussybaka apocalypse is near! As the raving engines of the skeld grew louder and louder we needed to raise a alarm although due to shortages in gasoline the cities tracks couldn't start and thus we were about to collide, "FIRE UP THE ENGINES!!" said merlo, we must get out of here fast, with the last scrapes of coal the city started to slowly move forward however braingalf the mathematician said "At this rate how we are going we will get crushed by the skeld in approximately 6 days, 9 hours and 420 seconds", they needed more fuel for the last great city in earth to survive. When the world froze over the richer people fled to space in great skips, the greates being the skeld and the poorfolk remained on the world as it froze over and soon became known as the skeld, few brave folk build massive moving cities however all were destroyed by the skeld which ever so often comes near the earth, this event is known as the sussybaka apocalypse and it's about to happen on the last moving city on earth

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rt1gnf

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢰⠤⠤⣄⣀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣟⠳⢦⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠉⠉⠉⠉⠒⣲⡄ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⡇⡇⡱⠲⢤⣀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀2022⠀⣠⠴⠊⢹⠁ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢻⠓⠀⠉⣥⣀⣠⠞⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡴⠋⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣀⡾⣄⠀⠀⢳⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⢠⡄⢀⡴⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡞⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⣠⢎⡉⢦⡀⠀⠀⡸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡼⣣⠧⡼⠀2021⠀ ⢠⠇⠀ ⠀⢀⡔⠁⠀⠙⠢⢭⣢⡚⢣⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣇⠁⢸⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⠀⠀ ⠀⡞⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⢫⡉⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⢮⠈⡦⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣸⠀⠀ ⢀⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⢦⡀⣀⡴⠃⠀⡷⡇⢀⡴⠋⠉⠉⠙⠓⠒⠃⠀⠀ ⢸⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠁⠀⠀⡼⠀⣷⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⡞⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡰⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⢧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠣⣀⠀⠀⡰⠋⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rt10oz

My boyfriend (M22) and I (F20) were having sex today. I was laying on my bed and he's teabagging me. Next thing you know he's squats down all the way & my tongue went up his ass. I felt like he violated me. Said he wanted me to eat his ass. I got up to clean my mouth and got dressed to leave. I am now considering breaking up with him over it. I told him that's something I would never be comfortable doing when we first got together four years ago. He’s been texting me telling me he’s sorry but in a way I feel violated. Would breaking up be the immature route?

TLDR: Boyfriend broke a sexual boundary and Im questioning if breaking up with him is too extreme.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rsykx4

2️⃣0️⃣2️⃣1️⃣is almost over🥳🎉🥳🎉which means the DICK QUARANTINE🍆🍆🍆😩IS DONE⏱‼️This year Miss Rona👑💅🏼💅🏼sucked the most dicks🍆🍆and licked the most ass🍑🍑but next year🔜us CUM💦SLUTS💦will RISE✊🏿✊🏽✊🏻So cut✂️that glory hole👄in your n-69👅masks, stay 6️⃣inches📏apart👯‍♀️👯and practice social distance SWALLOWING😩💦💦so you can be the healthiest👨🏻‍⚕️🧑🏽‍⚕️cum slut out there💋Send this to covid-1️⃣9️⃣of your closest hoes💕💞Get none back😭then don’t worry🚫about what’s in that vaccine💉💉u stank pussy hoe🤢🤮Get 10 back🤑and you’re catching😍some anti-BODIES😂😂next year. Get all 19❗️❕❗️and your➕of being a CERTIFIED RONA FREAK‼️🤪😳🥴🥰So ready those nussys👃🏻👃🏽👃🏿👃🏼because2️⃣0️⃣2️⃣2️⃣can’t CUM💦fast enough😫

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rsxy8x

Hey guys, just wanted to wish you all a Happy New Year. Discord is filled with ready-made messages that you don't even read, you just copy and paste to every server, I don't like that, I like writing from my heart. Our friendship, from the deepest to virtual, is very important to me and couldn't ever be represented by a cookie-cutter message from anywhere. So, I'd like to thank you all, you're the best furry roleplaying server I've ever interacted with.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rsxcd9

👯hey SlutS! 👯💅 Now that we got our yearly 🎁 FUCK 👊🏼from good ole Saint DICK 🎅🏾 it’s FINALLY New Years Eve!!!🗓🍾👅 2️⃣0️⃣2️⃣1️⃣ was a LONGG 🍆🍆 and HARD ✊🏻😫 year.... we laughed😂😆👌🏼 We cried 😢😖👎 We coughed 💦🤒🤧 we fucked GOOD👍🏻 dick🍆 and 😔BAD 😔 dick, 😫 BUTT 🍑 now let’s 👏👏Celebrate 🙌🎉 and watch that 💦🍆BIG 👅 BALL 😎👌🏼 Drop 👄👄 on us! 💃💃 So spread 👐🏽 those 👐🏽 legs 👐🏽 and count down ⬇️ from 🔟 until your man 💪🏾 pops 🎉 his CORK 🍾🍾 into that thirsty 👅thirsty 👅 hole! 🥰🥰 Send this to 2️⃣2️⃣ 🙏🏼COCK-BEGGING🙏🏼 🍆 WHORES to get 😵‍💫ANALLY PLOWED 🍑😱 for the next 3️⃣6️⃣5️⃣ days 😍😍😍

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rsvx9y

Okay, so my girlfriend and I have been occasionally having anal sex as we’re finding it can be very enjoyable and fun if all the prep work actually happens correctly.

Over the past 2 years we’ve slowly been trying different ways to prep for it. For awhile it was just a small handheld water douche, we found using that once or twice before having sex gave us almost no issues most of the time.
Unfortunately though, sometimes this method wasn’t fool proof and after some good lengthy bump’n my dick didn’t have a clean pull out.

So that being said, we looked online to essentially find ways to give us the “professional porn” results you see in videos. (And honestly, I still have no idea how the hell they have such a clean anus)

Anyways, we found this shower head attachment that was basically a butt plug with 5 holes on it to allow water through (4 on the sides and 1 hole centred at the top).

So we did our usual routine with the handheld water douche to help drop some potatoes in the crock pot before we jumped in the shower.
I got the attachment on and after some light rinsing my girlfriend moved into doggy position so I could use it.

This is where shit hits the fan (almost literally).

We didn’t think about if the water had to be on first or if it’s turned on after the plug was inserted (still don’t fully know to be honest). So we had the shower on and I found a nice lukewarm temperature, I squeezed out some astro glide lube and smeared it all over. I lowered the shower head plug to her slippery brown eye and went to slide it in. I proceeded with caution and went a little slow as it’s the first time using it for us. As it went in, the 4 holes on the side of the plug became naturally blocked because her chocolate pocket is very tight around.
This forced all the water to use the centred hole which is halfway in aiming right down her poop chute. It turned the slow trickling water plug into a pressure washer.

She immediately let out a small shriek and I pulled it out quickly. She was okay, just very shocked. We tried again and this time to avoid blocking all the water holes I quickly shanked it into her. About 5 seconds or so passed and then I pulled it out. She drained out some water and it was all clear with nothing visibly in it.

We were pretty excited, so I grabbed the lube and we moved into the fun right then and there!

Everything seemed awesome, we were having a great time. Then I started to feel her tighten up a bit down there, usually this happens when I’m getting her close. I fought the pressure and kept going, it was like swimming against the current. Little did I know, my dick had now become what I could only describe as a plug for a sewage pipe that was ready to blow. Think of Toby Maguire in Spiderman 2 when he’s trying to stop the train.
She finally can’t take it anymore and moves forward a bit so I can slide out. Immediately after I’m out, a jet stream of brown swamp-like water sprays out of her mud tunnel.

I’m absolutely shocked and can see the embarrassment on her face. I assure her that’s it’s okay, not to worry about it because we didn’t know.
Luckily since we’re in the shower everything washed away very quickly and things looked good again. She caught me off guard by then offering to finish me off with a blow job. I accepted instantly.

A few minutes in, she tells me her stomach hurts and that she thinks she needs to sit on the can. I told her that can’t be true because she just finished crying a brown river. Let me just say, boy was I wrong.
So she goes back to working on me and about 30 seconds later I looked down and saw a small brown water stream running towards the drain. We instantly stopped and she got up saying she has to get out. When she turned around, there was so much brown water running down her legs I yelled for her to wait so we could rinse her off first. So she turned back to face me and that’s when her ass just started spraying all over uncontrollably. She yelled for me to get out, but I couldn’t due to the layout of our bathroom, the one side of the tub is blocked in by the toilet. I shouted back “I can’t! You’re shitting all over the exit”.

I was trapped. The smell was awful. I had to stand there awkwardly spreading my legs so the swamp water could drain. I grabbed the shower head to try and help drain it faster, but the stupid butt plug attachment was still on causing the water to just slowly sprinkle out of it.

I attempted to lighten the mood by asking if her lunch at work today was good, as I could see some fried rice slowly passing under me. At this point though I think too much damage was done and we were both a little traumatized.

Not sure when we’ll attempt that kind of fun again, feels like we’ve stained the memory of enjoyable anal sex for now. Those damn porn stars make it look so easy and clean…

TL;DR
I used a shower head anal douche on my girlfriend and she started spraying poop water everywhere. Horrible smell, terrible clean up and embarrassment all around.

Figured I’d share, thank you to everyone who enjoyed our misadventure and had a laugh :)

(Also, I’m just as confused as some of you about the rice. But I swear I’m not making that up. I thought it was only corn that pushes through)

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rsuezm

Disclaimer: my hatred of geologists is purely theatrical, but if I *did* have to kill one for some reason, it would be very easy.

I’d brandish my obsidian knife at them and they’d be compelled to approach. “That’s very cool,” they’d say, confident in their superior strength and endurance from all the rocks they carry around at all times. They’d shower me with very interesting facts about obsidian and hover just out of range of the cutting edge, waiting for me to exhaust myself. “But as it is volcanic glass, it’s very fragile, you see, and isn’t well-suited for use as a weap—” and then I’d hit them with the wooden baseball bat in my other hand, which they would not have noticed because geologists can only see rocks and minerals.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rssudb

ATTENTION FREE AND PRIVATE CITIZEN!

⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⣤⣤⣤⣤⣀⡀⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢰⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣶⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢠⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣀⠠⣯⣿⠿⠿⣿⣿⡿⠛⠻⠿⢿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⣼⠙⣤⣭⣾⣿⣾⣿⠋⠛⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢻⣭⣅⣠⡄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠐⡏⢹⣟⢿⣿⣟⣿⣿⣶⣶⣦⣴⣖⡀⣀⣸⣾⡿⠋⠁⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢋⡉⢻⣏⣿⢽⣭⣭⡿⠋⠄⢨⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠈⢳⡔⠛⠻⣍⠉⠁⠄⠄⠄⡺⢿⣿⣿⡿⣿⠁⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⣴⡏⢙⣿⡶⠮⠤⣤⣤⡦⠤⠴⠾⠋⠁⢸⣃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠄⣠⣾⣿⣿⠁⠸⣼⠃⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⢀⣀⣼⣿⣧⣀⠄⠄⠄ ⠄⠄⠐⠛⠛⠛⠛⠄⠃⠛⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠄⠒⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠂⠄⠄

ATTENTION FREE AND PRIVATE CITIZEN!

This is the Private Financial Bank issuing your credit. Your lack of Personal Responsibility to your spending habits, work habits, political activities (protesting collectively, unionizing leading to risk of corporate blacklisting) HAS ATTRACTED OUR ATTENTION. Trustworthiness as a creditor has reduced. -100 FICO Score has been REMOVED from your account. You MAY NOT APPLY for Mortgage for home or business. You MAY NOT APPLY for credit card. You MAY NOT TAKE A LOAN for Healthcare. You MAY NOT TAKE A LOAN for a car. DO NOT DO THIS AGAIN, recovery from deductions takes 7 years, criminal offenses are on PERMANENT RECORD. You will be sent to jails for 13th Amendment labor for failure to take Personal Responsibility and Home/Car Foreclosure to recover lost money!

Glory to Freedom and Capitalism!

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rss159

1.No Memes

No memes. This includes references in titles of your post (e.g. "banana for scale," "potato quality").

2.No Related Posts

Related posts must be in the comments of the original. Posts that acknowledge, "one-up," or relate specifically to another post are not allowed (e.g. "I see your X and raise you Y")

3.No X-Posts or Reposts

Do not post something that has been submitted to reddit before, even if you were the one who posted it.

Exception: If a post is deleted or removed from [/r/mildlyinteresting](https://www.reddit.com/r/mildlyinteresting) for breaking the rules less than one hour after being submitted or receives less than 100 upvotes, we allow the submitter to resubmit a fixed version of the post. Posts deleted or removed from other subreddits are not exempt from rule 3.

4.Original \[OC\] Photographs Only

a. All submissions must be original and non-animated *photographs*. No gifs, videos, or web sites.

b. All submissions must be original content. If you didn't take the picture, don't post it.

c. Software glitches/errors, overlaid text, arrows, scribbles, and other substantive edits are not allowed, although you may censor personal information per Reddit-wide rules.

d. Albums are not allowed, but side by side photographs (within the same image) are okay if they adhere to the rest of the rules.

5.No screenshots

No screenshots. We define a screenshot as a screen grab. This means no images of screens, pictures of screens taken with a different device, images that have been partially or fully generated by a computer, or pictures of printed out screenshots. Try [/r/screenshots](https://www.reddit.com/r/screenshots)!.

6.Titles Must Be Exact But Concise Description

a. Titles must not contain jokes, backstory, or other fluff. That information belongs in a follow-up comment.

b. Titles must exactly describe the content. It should act as a "spoiler" for the image. Specify what your picture shows; do not simply say “I saw this” or something similar. If your title leaves people surprised at the content within, it breaks the rule!

c. Titles must not contain emoticons, emojis, or special characters unless they are absolutely necessary in describing the image.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rsrgta

Cumnybot9999 more like shitty bot. He took my husband, my kids, my house, my cat, and the rest of my family. He got me fired from a job I actually liked. I hate him so much. He’s so bad Satan killed himself and god flooded the earth again to get rid of him but failed. The only one who can stop this monster is u/CummyBot2000_v2. We must downvote cumnybot9999 so u/CummyBot2000_v2 can defeat him for good. This is like the Book of Revelation all over again. We need to stop cummybot9999 before he kills us all. Let’s do this

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rs3vh3

Hey y'all, so I had an interesting thought while sitting on the toilet and scrolling reddit. I somehow cut a very disturbing connection between the fluffyness and softness of my girlfriend and the softness of my poop. Then, the atheist I am and considering the general state of the world right now, I connected that since we all are gods children.. maybe we really are just shit and came out of gods butthole once a day (doctors say that this is the healthy way of pooping). So I started to think: there is stated that there is roughly 4.5 births each second (2018 estimate, source: [www.theworldcounts.com](http://www.theworldcounts.com/)). Meaning that every day there are 388,800 babies born. The average baby weight is 3.4 kg (american statistics, source: [www.verywellfamily.com](http://www.verywellfamily.com/)), meaning that 1,321.92 tons of babies are rolling out of their growing vessels each day. In our case gods rear end. With that number we can approximate gods general bodyweight and thereby size which we all are so really interested in. After searching the whole, yet very disturbing, wikipedia page for the average human feces production, I found out that an average human poops 128 grams a day (pH = 6.6). This sounds very small but we stick with that for now. God would be then 10.3 million times the size of an average human. The average human male is 1.72 meters tall and 70 kg heavy (source: the physics factbook). We all know that god would then be a 'bigass' (pun intended) boi and crushed by himself. This leads me to the conclusion that this method of considering humans as gods feces is a very crude theory for approximating his size.

Thank you for attending my poop talk

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rspuuy