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Source: https://old.reddit.com/rguz7u

Is it normal to masterbate to the sound of my parents??

So. Here’s the context. My parents really like to have sex. Usually every week or so. They don’t think I know, but they are very loud and sleep a room over from mine. Whenever I hear my mom’s moans I get so turned on… so, fellow teenagers of Reddit, is it normal for me to masturbate of the sound of my parents having sex? My friends tell me it’s weird, but I think it’s a perfectly normal and logical thing to do. What does everyone here think?

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rgtzo7

hahaa sorry im with a couple chicks and i let one play the second half while i was making out with the other... lmfaoo get off my dick i would hav wasted u if i played the whole game but im busy gettin bitches.. which u prolly dont know about

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rgt5ji

So you're telling me troll 1 can ruin the fun for 5 other people, HIS game and we have to accept this?

Is this the same reason we accept world hunger that kills 3 million people every year?

Just like that?

The attention of this world is diminishing in the sun. No, in a minute.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rgspfh

Well you can save having to clean up a mess or explain the sticky spots on the floor. I used to Cum and clean it up with kleenex and one day I ran out of tissues and said we needed more kleenex in the Computer room and my wife said you go through a lot of kleenex when you don't even have a cold. So I decided that I would swallow my own Sperm after masturbating. It's really tough to do. I would be horny as hell at the thought but as soon as I came, I lost any and all interest in it. I finally was able to convince myself to do it and the next night I did it again, and the next, and after a week I had no problem doing it and have eaten my Cum for the last 7 years. I call it recycling. I love the taste.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rgrhug

Do you know nothing about women?

A) we are in a low level anger from cooking.
B) you are in there giggling like a little girl. We growl about it internally, now we have an irritation turtlehead poking out.
C) you show a hot blonde fisting herself with ease. And say “omg isn’t it shocking!) irritation and snappabitchballs crowning like whoa.
D) I display my own territorial anal punch stance, and wobble. Feel the fire of my ire consume my body because instead of grabbing my hand and waist simultaneously or cushioning my fall with a raincoat, you squeak out the most girlish squeal I have ever heard. It threatens my femininity almost as much as the girl who is In training for the Mexican donkey show. And you laugh at me??? Instead of showing proper reverence for the clear fuck up of showing me any naked b*+{h when I been spitting in your food for the last hour?!?!!

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rgqf4d

So I got a job working at a store and I typically work super early hours before too many customers come in. But of course with Christmas time coming, the store is opening earlier and I'm staying later (whoopie :/). Well, I didn't have any issues because unlike some other places around where I work, at least I'd never seen a dog in my store.

Until today. I got back from my break and saw the rear end up a HUGE ugly as hell german sheperd in one of the aisles. Immediately I was shocked because I was sure dogs weren't even allowed in the building. So I went to find the store manger but he was dealing with a customer. Meanwhile this dog owner was taking her filthy mutt all through the store. And when I saw her she was right next to the children's toys! I wasn't trying to get too close to the thing, but I hope that mutant wasn't putting it's nasty nose, paws, or ass near the toys. First of all, I am always the one who is cleaning and straightening up the toy area and I do NOT want to touch anything a dog has been near. It could have gotten dander or drool anywhere. Second, parents are constantly giving their children toys to look at. The entire time I was thinking how any of those toys could have been contaminated by that mutt.

Finally I got to the manger and told him about this. I asked, "Are people allowed to have dogs in the store?" and he asked "Was it like a service dog?". I said it had no vest on so he went off to find the owner, but as far as I'm aware he never tracked her down. But since he asked specifically, I'm assuming regular dogs aren't allowed in the store (though if you ask me NO dogs should be in the building), meaning as usual, and entitled mutt owner just brought her stupid pet dog into a store for no damn reason.

And ya'll, I could smell this thing through my mask and I had already walked away from the beast at that point. The thing stunk up an entire section of the damn store, and probably any other spot she dragged it. Why do people do this? This is beyond obnoxious. Mutts do not belong in stores. Vest or no vest, I don't care, they have no business being in a store. They don't do anything. They can't help pay or push a cart. I'm so sick of thise. I'm very anxious about this type of stuff and now I don't even want to touch anything in that store anymore. I feel like anywhere could be contaminated.

Rant over.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rgospe

One of the basic pieces of furniture, a chair is a type of seat. Its primary features are two pieces of durable material, attached as back and seat to one another at a 90° or slightly greater angle with usually the four corners of the horizontal seat attached in turn to four legs—or other parts of the seat's underside attached to three legs or to a shaft about which a four-arm turnstile on rollers can turn—strong enough to support the weight of a person who sits on the seat (usually wide and broad enough to hold the lower body from the buttocks almost to the knees) and leans against the vertical back (usually high and wide enough to support the back to the shoulder blades). The legs are typically high enough for the seated person's thighs and knees to form a 90° or lesser angle.\[1\]\[2\] Used in a number of rooms

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rgo44o

Psh, child’s play, I have over 69,420 alters. Sometimes I wake up and rapid cycle switch. Next thing I know I’m stuck inside a Cracker Barrel in Omaha with a Roman candle half way up my ass. One time, my Jasper T. Jowls alter fronted for 16 days straight with only slight interruptions. As you all know Jasper T. Jowls is a beloved American rockstar (I acknowledge that I have received criticism for having such an alter but remember I can’t control it) and being party to his life style choices can be taxing on the body to say the least. Anyway, Jasper fronted non stop during this period, so that meant back to back shows and hard living for the body. I’d wake up on a stage after the venue had closed covered in my own piss and surrounded by animatronic broken dreams. I knew I had a short window to find food so I would lick the pizza grease from Mr. Munch’s fur to save time. Luckily my Jasper T Jowls alter recently died in a heroin OD/Police shootout type of thing so that chapter of my life has closed. There isn’t a day I don’t think about that period but I like to think it’s made me a stronger person and given me the self confidence I need to be successful in life. Shortly after I started my own business that barely paid high school kids to go door to door and harass people into buying subpar siding and windows. It worked out for awhile until one of my stupid alters broke into my warehouse and set my entire inventory on fire out of jealousy. Lol (shrug) oh well that’s life! Agh GOD yeah, once again I’m just grateful for what Jasper T jowls did for me while he was on this earth. God bless, stay safe, and care for one another and believe in yourself, because in the end all you got is yourself!

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rgmo2b

You wanna hear something crazy? Bedbug reproduction. So bedbugs have a stabby penis, right? And they don't even aim for female genitalia, they can just stab her and inseminate her anywhere on her body, because there are canals in the carapace to take the semen where it needs to go. Crazier, 50% of the copulation they do is homosexual, 20% is cross species, and only 30% is with female bedbugs. Now, it's a common myth that bedbugs can't tell between male and female bedbugs - WRONG. You see, what happens is when a male bedbug inseminates another male bedbug, that semen goes into the male and gets combined, so when that male inseminates another female or male they get a combination of both. So, the bedbug that stabs the most things the fastest - and they can copulate 200 times a day - has the best reproductive success.

But it gets crazier. There's a tropical species of bedbug that can shoot semen several centimeters. Now these bedbugs are only a centimeter long, so I did the math, and it's about the equivalent of a human male at 6 feet tall shooting 8 gallons of semen and shooting it over 12 feet. But remember how I said how they can inseminate anywhere in the female's body? They shoot it with a velocity to pierce the carapace of the female - it literally snipes her, from centimeters away. So, 6 foot tall man, 8 gallons of semen, 12 feet away.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rgljv5

So I become lucid about once every two weeks and I can never get to have s*x which is my main goal. The thing is, whenever I take off my pants there is just a thumb down there. That’s it. The girl usually gets disgusted and leaves. I’ve tried everything. I’ve tried imagining it not being there, I’ve tried taking a pill which was supposed to make it disappear but it just made the thumb bigger. What do I do?

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rgj8zv

What if dogs could fly? What would happen if dogs just so happened to have the ability of levitation? If dogs could fly, what would happen? Can dogs fly? Will dogs fly? I've never seen my dog fly. What if MY dog could fly? Can my dog fly? Can only certain dogs fly? What if only certain dogs could fly? What if cats could fly? Can cats fly? Can fish fly? Can hamsters fly? Can pigs fly? I doubt they all could fly. Dogs on the other hand, might could fly. Perhaps they could fly. Sorry, what were you saying?

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rgi12j

Truth is that we are both light and dark! One can’t exist without the other without causing major imbalances and disharmony. Darkness isn’t a bad thing it’s there for our survival to help us navigate through life and hard situations but we are taught to fear the darkness rather than teaching that it is there for our survival and balance if we didn’t have balance between dark and light then either ends of the scales would be equally as dangerous, too much of one thing isn’t good for anyone. Accept your demons become aware of why they are there and what they are trying to tell you. we all have past traumas and if we ignore it long enough it has a way of coming back for you to face and deal with eventually. Let go of things that aren’t in your control loosen that tight grip so you can move more freely and on to bigger and better things, most of all healing, peace, getting to know yourself, awareness, expansion, and soul growth but that comes with a lot of time, patience, experiences, lots of emotional discharge, healing, becoming aware and returning to balance your true power.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rggcu7

MY DAD IS COOL, BUT HE WON'T BUY ME A BIKE


HE WON'T BUY ME A BIKE BECAUSE HE BELIEVES IF A YOUNG GIRL HAS A BIKE THEY WILL LOOSE HER VIRGINITY.

HE IS A SUPERSTITIOUS CHRISTIAN MAN.

I JUST WANT A BIKE DAD

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rgf3de

... or you could do worse. You could use the force to spin the teeth of your enemies by 5 degrees and cause maddening pain. You could move part of their vertebrae out of position and cripple your enemies for life. You could also move the liquid in their inner ear causing intense nausia and total loss of balance. By also manipulating blood pressure you could control the strength and weakness of muscles in an opponent, by pushing and pulling you could control someone like a puppet. The force is also capable of microcellular manipulation as well, so giving catatracs and making people permanently blind is a wrist flick. I imagine during the dark age before malok, the Jedi came across this barbaric use of the force commonly as it would explain why they perfected force heal and why fighting blind is the first thing a padwan learns as well as force shield.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rgeg2v

This is wrong 👎 🚫 , Immigrants are great! ‼ Imagination benefits 💯 society more than it damages it 📈 😀. People need to stop saying things like this 🙅‍♂️. These jokes 🚫 aren't funny 🚫, and they make you look bad ☹ 😥. Please consider changing your 👁 views 👁 on immigration! ❤ 🥰

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rgdefy

Watching a movie that says humans only use 3% of their brain. Google says we only use 10%. In college, the professor tested the class using some form of science. Half the class used 10%, some 5-6 and I was told I use 12%. To put into perspective, if someone were to have the ability to use 50% of their brain, they could achieve flight like a bird. At 12%, I can tell you the reason I am so misunderstood and deemed an asshole by most, is because I'm vastly smarter than most. Don't hate me. Hate science

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rgbjx2

Women of reddit(18F) , what is the most sexual sexy sex sex sexual sexy sexual sexiest sexier sex sexual sexual sexy sex sex sexual sexy sexual sexiest sexier sex sexual sexual sexy sex sex sexual sexy sexual sexiest sexier sex sexual sexual sexy sex sex sexual sexy sexual sexies(47F)t sexier sex sexual sexual sexy sex sex sexual sexy sexual sexiest sexier sex sexual sexual sexy sex sex sexual sexy sexual sexiest sexier sex sexual sexual sexy sex sex sexual sexy sexual sexiest sexier sex sexual sexual sexy sex sex sexual sexy sexual sexiest sexier sex sexual sexu(28F)al sexy sex sex sexual sexy sexual sexiest sexier sex sexual (56M)sexual sexy sex sex sexual sexy sexual sexiest sexier sex sexual sexual sexy sex sex sexual sexy sexual sexiest sexier sex sexual sexual sexy sex sex sexual sexy sexual sexiest sexier sex sexual sexual sexy sex sex sexual sexy sexual sexie(45m)st sexier sex sexual sexual sexy sex sex sexual sexy sexual sexiest sexier sex sexual sexual sexy sex sex sexual sexy sexual sexiest sexier sex sexual sexual sexy sex sex sexual sexy sexual sexiest sexier sex sexual sexual sexy sex sex sexual sexy sexual sexiest sexier sex sexual sexual sexy sex sex sexual sexy sexual sexiest sexier sex sexual sexual sexy sex sex sexual sexy sexual sexiest sexier sex sexual sexual sexy sex sex sexual sexy sexual sexiest sexier sex sexual

Thing you have ever done to an antisocial 36 year old man living with his parents and spends 16 hours a day browsing reddit?

Edit: Thank you for the gold kind stranger!

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rga1do

I arrived home from work. Twas merely my lunch break but I could not bear to be away from my beloved. I threw open the door to the bedroom. There she was, my betrothed, smiling at me from within her jar. But oh, woe is me! A tragic blunder! I had misplaced my dearest upon the radiator! Alas, the baby gravy I had spent so long filling the jar with had been cooked and caramelized. My honeybunches was ruined! My mind was blank. I was seeing red. I knew the only thing I could do now. They took everything from me. I will hunt down the company who sold me that radiator, and avenge my love.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rg9hfi

Has anyone… um… done… um… a thing? With Weepinbell? Asking for a friend! Because… um… the mouth is a… I mean… come on! Has anyone here… um… used a Weepinbell to you-know-what? Anybody? Nope? Um… *chuckle* this is a bit embarrassing… hehehe… One more time around! Raise your hand if you’ve used a Weepinbell for… you know… Nobody? Really? Okay… last chance! No? Okay…

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rg8kay