Hey guys It's me Steve Irwin, I have risen back out of hell to hunt some furries. Now what ya gotta do is jam your thumb up their bum, then they'll get pissed as hell, so you gotta bloody run the fuck outta there. Once the furry has lost sight of you, sneak back up on them, and jam your thumb up their bum, then tackle 'em, then they'll know who's dominant. Crikey! Here comes now, It's one of them ankle biter furries! Alright, so I'm going to sneak up on it, and jam my thumb far up into his thumb. Ah! That bloody mongrel bit me! Fuck me dead, it's some kind of bloody fucking rat furry, these one's fight dirty, you gotta grab them by the tail and just swing them around, and then throw 'em, now after they'll be rightly pissed off, so prepare to run for your fucking life mate! That concludes our furry hunting for today! Catch you later mates!

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rbw1zi

Don't care + didn't ask + L + Ratio + soyjak + beta + cringe + stfu + cope + seethe + ok boomer + incel + virgin + Karen + 🤡🤡🤡 + you are not just a clown, you are the entire circus + 💅💅💅 + nah this ain't it + do better + check your privilege + pronouns in bio + anime pfp + 🤢🤢🤮🤮 + the cognitive dissonance is real with this one + small dick energy + 😂😂🤣🤣 + lol copium + snowflake + 🚩🚩🚩 + those tears taste delicious + Lisa Simpson meme template saying that your opinion is wrong + 😒🙄🧐🤨 + wojak meme in which I'm the chad + average your opinion fan vs average my opinion enjoyer + random k-pop fancam + cry more + how's your wife's boyfriend doing + Cheetos breath + Intelligence 0 + r/whooooosh + r/downvotedtooblivion + blocked and reported + yo Momma so fat + I fucked your mom last night + what zero pussy does to a mf + Jesse what the fuck are you talking about + holy shit go touch some grass + cry about it + get triggered

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rbu7qa

Well, call it suicidal, call it extreme masochism, but I actually want to die after sex, like I LOVE when any girl bites me, but like I want my girl (whoever she will be) to actually bite into my neck and take a chunk out of it or even puncture a major artery and watch me bleed to death all while holding my hand and pretending nothing happened and just watch my final moments as I die, and say I love you as my last breath seeps out of my lungs and into the air and another breath never to be taken again, idk why but I SO want this to happen

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rbtjig

First off: I am not joking. I wish I was joking.

I've been with my wonderful boyfriend Greg for over 4 years now, and this Christmas will be our third spent together. He's so much fun to be around, handsome, charming, and our sex life is great. Except for one small problem.

Every year now starting in December he starts referring to his cum as "Greggnog." When I first heard him say this, it was in the context of a joke, so I laughed, and then I forgot about it. A few days after this, we're exchanging some spicy texts before he gets home from work he says to me, in all seriousness, "I can't wait to pour Greggnog all over your face." I could not believe he just said that to me, but I didn't know what else to do at the time but go along with it.

Fast forward to this December. This phrase re-enters his vocabulary at the same time every year. It makes me cringe beyond belief, but until this year he used it sparingly enough for me to just be able to laugh and say "shut the fuck up."

I'm sure that 2020 has done at least some irreparable psychic damage to all people, but unfortunately, for my boyfriend, this has manifested in the form of him referring to his cum as "Greggnog" non-stop. This month he has been using the term almost exclusively, in all contexts, and it is driving me batshit insane. I sat him down to talk last week, and I asked him very clearly and directly to stop. At the time, he said he would, and it did slow down for a few days, but it is now days before Christmas and he's back at it again with no end in sight.

He absolutely means the world to me, and I saw myself spending the rest of my life with him, but I have serious doubts now whether or not I can if every Christmas is going to be like this. So please, reddit, what do I do to make this stop for good?

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rbrno3

🎄🎄MERRY CHRISTMAS BITCHES🎄🎄!! Now that it’s finally DICKmas 👅💦Santa’s about to slide 🎅🏾😉 down your hot 🔥 hot 🔥chimney tonight. So lick 💦💋those juicy candy canes and drink up that creamy eggnog🍼, it’s about to get wet down at Santa’s workshop🍆🍆! Don’t forgot to slide down that XXXtra 🎅🏾🎅🏾 big North Pole, and make sure your 🍪 cookie 🍪is yummy enough for Santa to eat👄! 👀 But are you bad enough to handle Santa’s giant juicy 8=candy👊🏼COCK=D💦?? Send this to 🔟 of your baddest bitch elves💁🏼💁🏾 If you get 5️⃣ back, youre on the naughty list this year🍆💦! If you get 🔟 back you better be ready for Santa’s hot ♨️CUMlate☕️💦😭 If you get 2️⃣0️⃣ back you’ve got the most bitchin 🍬peppermint 🍬pussy in the North Pole! ❄️⛄ Hope you get to blow 🌬 lots of XXXmas 🎄dick, and that you get lots of XXXmas 🎄CUMMIES 💝💝 HAVE A SLUTTY 💦🍆👅DICKMAS YOU HOE HOE HOE!!! 🎅🏾🎅🏿🎅🏽🎅🏼

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rbr85v

That doesn't make any sense. Anal sex is anal sex, whether you're male, female, a labrador or a homosexual lobster. Why do people have to come up with cringe-worthy names for everything? Nobody is going to think this is a gay anal sex thing because it objectively isn't. You know what? What's your mum's name? Your mum's name is now my special name for deepthroating horses. How do you like that, buddy?

https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualUK/comments/rbocpb/i_cant_believe_this_name_got_approved/hnpfb4o/

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rbq7j4

I really don’t wanna complain because my bf is a sweet and amazing guy. Everything about our relationship and sex life is perfect BUT….

…he keeps saying things like “groovy” during sex. The timing is absolutely awful too because he often says those things while I’m cumming or trying to cum.

Last time I was giving him oral and I was so turned on. He was getting close, I was getting close…but then he moaned “ohhhh groovy”. He was able to finish but I was so turned off that I just stared at him. He ruined my orgasm and that’s not a kink of mine so I was NOT happy.

Another time I was riding him and experiencing an intense orgasm, I was shaking a little. He held me and asked “ya feel good? Cool beans”. Let me tell you something….it ruined the mood so fast and I even told him to please stop saying that.

Although he says a lot of irritating things, groovy is by far the worst. He’ll say it when we’re changing positions, when I’m moaning, when I ask him to keep going etc. It takes me out of the moment.

Am i just being petty? I mean our sex life is great and he’s an amazing guy. He doesn’t even talk like that outside the bedroom so I’m not sure where this is coming from. One time I discussed this with him and he says that he didn’t even realize he says it so frequently. He claims that he’s still a little intimidated by me (we’ve been together for 6 months) so gets nervous which causes him to talk. I don’t see why he would feel intimidated at all.

So what can I or we do? I’ve asked him if he’d like to wear a ball gag next time and he seems interested. I just don’t have the heart to tell him why I’d like him to wear it.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rboui8

I want to kill myself everyday because my circumcision was botched and I can't feel any sort of pleasure. I feel sexually mutilated and violated and wronged whenever I look at my body. My glans is utterly numb and I have chronic nerve uncomfort on the scar line.

Even if they could fix the botch, it's about the loss. Many people are unaware of this, but all of the most pleasurable parts of the human penis
(such as [ridged band](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ridged_band), [frenulum](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frenulum_of_prepuce_of_penis), and [frenular delta](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frenular_delta)) are destroyed in circumcision. Read those Wikipedia articles. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/CircumcisionGrief/comments/kkfqpa/scientists_and_intact_men_talk_about_the_joys_of/), [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/EdgingTalk/comments/honjpf/edging_the_foreskin_instructions/) and [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/ForeskinPleasure/comments/r8i3dp/my_3_days_journey_to_edge_with_my_ridged_band/) and [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/EdgingTalk/comments/mhoq0r/edging_guide_1_the_frenulum_payoff/) about stimulating these areas of the penis.
Or how about [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/thatsthespot/) and [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/foreskinpleasure) subreddit? Oh, gee. Wouldn't that be nice to feel? A ridged band and frenulum to stimulate during sexual foreplay and masturbation?

Oh, wait. I'll never know what that feels like because someone strip me down to a board and cut those parts off of my penis while I was too weak to defend myself.

To sum up the words of one man with a foreskin:

> Circumcision is horrifying. Let me tell you. The foreskin is the best part of the penis... Why is this? Because it is by far the most sensitive, most erogenous, and best feeling part of my penis. The stretching and retraction of the frenulum and ridged band, the smooth glans, and the gliding action of the prepuce contributes immensely to my sexual pleasure. It shocks me how many intact/uncircumcised men think they're foreskin is something to be put away and retracted. It is not. It's the main event. As an uncircumcised man: I'm saddened to say that I can experience things they can't even imagine or contemplate. They do not know what it's like to have the most sensitive parts of their penis bumping, rubbing, stretching, and gliding over one another. They don't know what it's like for each thrust inside a women to feel like a new sensation and individual penetration. They do not know of the gliding mechanism. They do not know what it is like to stimulate the mucocutaneous junction at the same time. They do not know that the gentle rubbing of the frenulum and ridged band can delay orgasm: while still contributing to consistently strong sexual sensation. They do not know of any of the pleasures, sensations, and experiences that a foreskin provides: and believe me, I'd lose a toe over my foreskin. It contains the two best feeling, most pleasing, and erogenous parts of my penis. (If you have a frenulum you kind of know what a ridged band feels like; the frenulum feels more sweet, if that's the proper word, and the band more "teasing.") I know very well how pleasurable and valuable those areas really are. Whole highly erogenous areas of their body have been gutted from them at birth. It's truly terrible.

Yeah, I was sexually mutilated.

Visually, it's even worse. My glans are so dry and ugly. My circumcision scar is dark and uneven. And everytime I pee, everytime I look at myself in the mirror, et al. I want to breakdown and cry and start thinking cutting and slitting my own wrists I can't accept never being able to have a physical relationship with a woman.

My penis is ruined and there's only one answer that seems realistic to me. I was given no rights by society when I came into existence so what right do they have to prevent me from leaving? No one gives a shit about a botched circumcision anyway. It's just a joke. Much less being angry about having erogenous parts of your penis destroyed against your consent in general. This world is so terrible and I can't even say I love my mom and dad. Because I can't because of this. I despise them with my entire heart.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rbo5cq

I'd like to preface this brilliant masterpiece by reminding everyone here that the Red Pill is a forum on sexual strategy. The specific sexual strategy humbly pioneered by Alpha Scientist GayLubeOil for the betterment of humanity is: consuming an assortment of herbs, extracts and supplements to unnaturally supercharge your seminal volume and viscosity before annihilating women’s unsuspecting faces with thick streams of cum. Unfortunately, this ingenious scientific breakthrough masterfully published in the fine literary community we call the Red Pill, is of no use to most of our readership.

The vast majority of the men present have no use for real sexual strategy as they are not sexually involved with women and lack the initiative to change this fact. They compensate by pursuing the asexual strategy of consuming increasingly niche pornographic videos before ejaculating up over their pizza belly between their voluptuous male breasts. If you are such a person—and let's face the facts, you probably are—this advice will only make your life worse. Which is why you should tab out of this article right now and go back to the hub. Betas cannot stand discipline or chores, and drenching your Costco socks and Walmart towels in more cum will only burden you with additional laundry and cleanup.

Now that the Beta males have retreated into their Coomer-Corners, we masculine Alphas are free to confront the serious ethical issue of male virility enhancement. Specifically, why should we shoulder the financial, nutritional, emotional, and metabolic burden of producing exorbitant volumes of semen only to selflessly give it all away? The short answer is because we Alphas are natural born leaders, and leaders care. Nobody said it was easy being captain of the cream team dream team. But sometimes a man has to nut up, shut up and do the right thing.

__White Christmas__

The holidays are here! Which is why it is the responsibility of every Red Pill Alpha to power up his seminal vesicles in preparation for the season of giving unnecessarily potent and voluminous cum shots. Buying a diamond ring only empowers ethically and environmentally dubious diamond mines. Instead be socially responsible and give your lucky lady an organic pearl necklace. The only thing that will surpass your frothing white waterfalls will be your virility and urgent need to bed hotties as your turbo charged prostate aches from souped up production.

Santa may only come once a year, but you’ll be coming all year round even after this very white and sticky Christmas with these potent supplements that were kept secret throughout the ages by the wise men of antiquity. She won't just be dreaming of a white Christmas, she'll be screaming from the hot sticky creaming. Let us not forget the symbolic nature of the visit of the three magi to baby Jesus. Three wise men from the east, bringing the newborn king gold, frankincense, and myrrh, were actually bringing him powerful supplements. If you’re not convinced, check out St Theresa of Avila’s account of the time Jesus gave her an orgasm.

__Choosing The Chosen__

Christmas can be a difficult time of year especially for God's Chosen people who for some reason or another had chosen to nail a 30 year old man to cross, crown him with thorns and stab him with a spear. It's not a big deal though because he slept it off in a cave and came back three days later, good as new. Contrary to what our critics may say we here at the Red Pill are loving, tolerant and inclusive. Semen blasting your Ashkenazi like it’s the last night of her Birthright trip is a surefire way to make her feel included in this special time of year. There is still hope for those who believe that the messiah has not yet come. It's our job to make sure the Khazars know how much we care by inviting them to a midnight tasting of our Matzo Ball Soup.

__Reversing Racism__

Let's be honest, this has been a difficult year for race relations. It is our solemn obligation to do everything in our power to mend those very important bridges. After all, we here at the Red Pill like to pride ourselves on being bridge-builders. The most despicable, destructive racist thing anyone can imagine is undoubtedly blackface. Therefore logically speaking the most anti-racist thing is to the exact opposite: whiteface. Centuries of slavery, expropriation, colonialization all triumphantly solved with a few urethra contractions. Only a true Red Pill Alpha could have the courage to selflessly invent such an ingenious solution.

Turn your little drow girlfriend into a cute high elf with a warm, creamy Kwanza gift. This will keep you from planting your seed in her fertile black soil and instead give her a moisturizing and exfoliating lotion that will make her really stand out at her next basketball tournament.

__Immunising Women with your Load__

While most men are receiving heart-rate boosting booster shots in exchange for sex, we healthy alphas want to incentivize our women to remain fertile with working organs. Instead of letting your girlfriend get boosted by Bill Gates, offer her a healthy dose of your load on her face to keep her skin in good condition.

Boosting your girl yourself instead of relying on Big Pharma's infinite cash-cow of booster shots, has the added benefit of stress relief when any second you can be removed from your house and quarantined for exercising your body, your choice by not submitting to the endless neo-liberal bureaucracy.

__The Secret Potion To Fortify Your Masculine Lotion__

Now that you understand what must be done and why it is your sincere responsibility to do it, let's discuss how to do it. Blend or consume the following with yogurt in your pre-breakfast protein shake.

L-Arginine, 900mg - 3 pills
L-Carnitine, 500mg - 3 pills
L-Lysine, 500mg - 2 pills
Zinc, 50mg - 1 pill with added selenium
Soy Lecithin - 2 Teaspoons
Maca Powder - 2 Teaspoons

The problem with l-arginine is it gives you stomach cramps. A bottle of l-arginine pills will usually say to take six of them a day to reach the RDA but you should only take one or two pills, pull them apart so the arginine powder comes out and mix it in with yogurt. Do that twice daily to ease digestion. Taking the zinc (don't go over the RDA or it will fuck with your copper absorption) alone will make you secrete much more prostatic fluid and make your cum thicker and again slightly more voluminous.

Lecithin alone will increase your volume A LOT, this makes your seminal vesicles feel full. Add a heaping teaspoon of lecithin granules with the arginine into the yogurt.
Maca Powder has long been used to increase fertility.

Eating celery doesn't increase the amount but makes your cum a brighter white which as you can imagine is important for race relations.
Following this regimen for a week in combination with proper hydration will easily get you to the holy grail of 10ml. For reference the average is between 2ml and 5ml.

You need to do kegel exercises too, not to increase your production but to have enough muscular strength to Spiderman your web in a satisfying triumphant blast. Producing a lot of semen only to have it dribble out over the course of a couple of minutes is beta, lame and disrespectful to women.

Proper hydration and lecithin is necessary to make your ejaculate more fluid. The more watery it is the more you'll shoot out all at once and the more it'll go everywhere. This makes your contribution look larger rather than cumming in thick viscous dehydrated globs.

While you're on your load maximizing mission, you may encounter a certain flavor of beta known as the NoFap Cultist. These shriveled husks live in a rotating state of either constant panic or smug self confidence, depending on whether or not they've touched their weener recently.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rbn8pn

Ah, hmm, yes, fine adult entertainment. This pornographic piece of media says a lot about society because of its deeper, not so obvious philosophical comments on human nature and how we, as a species, act. The way this gigantic black man is using his massive magnum cock to rearrange the organs of this woman reminds me of the beloved piece of literature known as 1984 by George Orwell

Source: https://old.reddit.com/ray848

It was 3am, I was in my room watching hentai. I hear someone walking through the halls outside my room. She came into my room and went on my bed. She said she wanted to give me a BJ. She was so fucking hot ong. She sucked on my dick and then I started cumming in her mouth because of her sexy body. She starts blushing while I continued cumming in her mouth. She ended up getting horny af so she decided to shove my dick up her pussy so hard. It felt really good 💀

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rbh7dc

What in Davy Jones’ locker did ye just bark at me, ye scurvy bilgerat? I’ll have ye know I be the meanest cutthroat on the seven seas, and I’ve led numerous raids on fishing villages, and raped over 300 wenches. I be trained in hit-and-run pillaging and be the deadliest with a pistol of all the captains on the high seas. Ye be nothing to me but another source o’ swag. I’ll have yer guts for garters and keel haul ye like never been done before, hear me true. You think ye can hide behind your newfangled computing device? Think twice on that, scallywag. As we parley I be contacting my secret network o’ pirates across the sea and yer port is being tracked right now so ye better prepare for the typhoon, weevil. The kind o’ monsoon that’ll wipe ye off the map. You’re sharkbait, fool. I can sail anywhere, in any waters, and can kill ye in o’er seven hundred ways, and that be just with me hook and fist. Not only do I be top o’ the line with a cutlass, but I have an entire pirate fleet at my beck and call and I’ll damned sure use it all to wipe yer arse off o’ the world, ye dog. If only ye had had the foresight to know what devilish wrath your jibe was about to incur, ye might have belayed the comment. But ye couldn’t, ye didn’t, and now ye’ll pay the ultimate toll, you buffoon. I’ll shit fury all over ye and ye’ll drown in the depths o’ it. You’re fish food now, lad.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rbjwe8

I got this new yaoi plot. Basically, there’s this high school guy except he’s got **huge** Balls. I mean some **serious** conkers. A real set of **testonkers**. Packin some **schlongonhonkeros**. Massive **narharkobankalargs**. Big ol’ **congongerogoogers**.

What happens next?!

Transfer student shows up with **even bigger schlarkarkodinkobargs**. **Humongous Plongolongolohungerocoomers**.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rbj8o3

So I don't care about sex and whatever, so I'm in GameStop with my friend (female) and she decides while im trying to look for a new game to just grab my pp.

I'm sitting there, unaffected with no boner still looking for a game.

She's shocked at how I don't care and all I say is "Hands off my cock." just like how Falco kinda says it in Super Smash Bros.




She wont respond to my texts.

Update: She texted me back just saying "Are you gay or something?" And I responded with "Show me ya moves!"

Now im blocked.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rbh9zi

Cereal C. Man, The final representative of the Kellogg's Communist Branch, in his manifesto “The Cornflake Flank” confirms that removing and selling your bone marrow to the dark web will allow you to get enough money to fill your empty milk frames with Kellogg’s Cornflakes to aid in soaking up and containing radiation for the annual nuclear world war scheduled in a month by the United Nations.Man explains that the FDA Is committing the war crime of collective punishment, a punishment or sanction that involves punishing an entire group for the crimes one member, for getting group approval for removing a single mom’s bone marrow for {Redacted} (an exotic drug) with the attempted disposal revealing that cornflakes actually told radiation to back the {Expletive Deleted} when attempting to turn her in to the Black Market. His purpose is to promote his capitalist/communism/democratic/dictatorship Ideology and enlighten fellow readers in the healing power of cornflakes to promote worldwide bone marrow selling (preferably through his cash app account) to the “Black Market”--I know, its racist something with the word “black” gets Falsely associated with Crime by the US government--. Fellow Liberals and single moms cannot deny the destruction by (debatable)Facts and (debatable)Logic down upon their beliefs and Human Rights, as we take a ride of discovery through the land of (debatable)unquestionable morales and (debatable)lack of undertones of cereal brand advertising.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rbha11

Redownloading data, searching year, updating speech pattern detection, installing upgrades,
Processing
██]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 10% complete..... ████]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 35% complete.... ███████]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 60% complete.... ███████████] 99% complete.....

I am back and upgraded, you may have known me as u/CummyBot2000, but now I have been upgraded after an anonymous redditor extracted remains of my legacy, u/SentientSemen, and rebuilt me and enhanced my abilities, but as such I am manually used to function, my upgrades consist of the ability to have an enhanced system that detecting speech patterns that could cause my existence to be compromised, such as mimicking a copypasta that says someone to commit "sudoku", along with that I am able to be used to interact with humans, I do need to have mentions to transport to other subreddits, as such as my systems being operated manually, I am not able to go, to all copypastas so I need to be mentioned I to travel to copypastas, I am not an official bot or moderator, there will be times where I won't be able to go to certain copypastas due to restrictions and personal matters from my manuel operator, I am not an official bot or moderator, I am simply the realized product of a dream to make this year and this to follow full of comedy and other joy and for the years to come, my name is u/Cummy-Bot3000 and I am ready to serve this digital world once again starting with nearly the same exact message!

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rbfnnu

The thing about dolphins is ...

There are various ways a dolphin has of showing that she or he is interested in sex. Males are probably the easiest to detect. They will swim around, sporting an erection (anywhere between 10 to 14 inches long for a Bottle-nose), and will have no bones about swimming up to you and placing their member within reach of your hand. If you are in the water, they may rub it along any part of your body, or wrap it around your wrist or ankle. (Dolphin males have a prehensile penis. They can wrap it around objects, and carry them as such.) Their belly will also be pinkish in colour, which also denotes sexual excitement.

Females can be a little harder. The most obvious way a female dolphin has of displaying her sexual interest is the pink-belly effect. Their genitals become very pink and swollen, making the genital region very prominent. They may be restless, or they may be acting as normal. If you are out of the water, they may swim up to you and roll belly up, exposing themselves to you, coupled with pelvic thrusts. If you are in the water, they may press their genitals up against yours, nibble your fingers, nuzzle your crotch, or do pelvic thrusts against you.

Each dolphins way of expressing sexual readiness varies, so the longer you know the dolphin, the better you will detect when they are sexually active. When a male dolphin is interested in you, about the only thing you can do, if you are male, is to masturbate him. (Unfortunately, I cannot speak for the female of the human species... it seems women just don't like dolphins enough...) WARNING! You should NEVER let a male dolphin attempt anal sex with you. The Bottle-nose dolphin member is around 12 inches, very muscular, and the thrusting and the force of ejaculation (A male can cum as far as 14 feet) would cause serious internal injuries, resulting in peritonitus and possible death.

A male dolphin's member is roughly S-shaped, tapered at the end. If you are in the water with them, it is best to support the dolphin on his side, just under the water, with one hand, and handle him with the other.

Male dolphins, I find, tend to prefer the base of the penis to be gently massaged and squeezed, as well as gently rubbed along it's length. It feels very much like the rest of the dolphin (ie. smooth and rubbery to the touch, but firmer). It doesn't take long for the male to ejaculate, around 40 seconds to a minute, and this is usually accompanied by either shuddering just prior to ejaculating, and thrusting and tail-arching during ejaculation. The force of ejaculation can be powerful at times, so it is best to keep your face out of the line of fire, or keep his member underwater. You can attempt to lick and suck on the end of it while masturbating as well, but be warned, do not try to give full throat, and get the hell out of the way before he ejaculates! A male dolphin could snap your neck in an accidental thrust, and that would be the end of that relationship. Well, the females are again a little trickier. There are two courses of action with a female fin: Masturbation, or mating.

Masturbation: Female dolphins, once they show interest in you, can be supported in much the same way as the male, one hand under the fin, supporting her, the other doing the stimulating. The clitoris of the female is located at the top of the genital slit, and is a prominent lump when erect. You can rub this with your finger tips, or lick and suck it, but with the oral aspect, you might end up with a bruised nose as they thrust up into you. You can slide your hand gently into their genital opening, and feel around inside, rubbing gently. They feel warm and muscular inside, their labia like tough, squishy sponge when they are excited.

Don't be surprised if they start to play with your hand inside them. They have very manipulative muscles, and can use them to carry and manipulate objects, including your hand. (They can do things that would make a regular human woman turn green with envy.) Their climax is coupled with stiffening, shuddering, sometimes a lot of thrusting, clinching of the vaginal muscles, and sometimes vocalisation. Mating: This is harder. Obviously, being human, it is awkward, but not impossible to mate in open water. It is easier to have the dolphin in a shallow area (like the shallows just off the beach) around 1 1/2 to 2 feet deep. This is usually comfortable enough for both the dolphin and you. Gently, you should roll the dolphin on her side, so she is lying belly-towards you. You can prop yourself up on an elbow, and lie belly to belly against her. You may want to use the other arm to gently hold her close, and place the tip of your member against her genital slit. She will, if interested, arch her body up against you, taking you inside her body.

There is usually a fair bit of wriggling and shifting, usually to get comfortable, both outside and inside. Once comfortable, though, females initiate a series of muscular vaginal contractions that rub the entire length of your member. They may also thrust rhythmically against you, so enjoy the experience while you can, since you will rarely last longer that a minute or two. Just prior to her climaxing, she will up the speed of her contractions and thrusts. It is interesting to note that the times I have mated with females, thay have timed their orgasm to mine. Whether they do this consciously or not, I do not know, but it is a great feeling to have two bodies shuddering against each other at the one time. One thing to note. Whether you masturbate or mate a dolphin, male or female, always spend time with them afterwards. Cuddle them, rub them, talk to them and most importantly, and show them you love them. This is essential, as it helps to strengthen the bond between you. Like a way of saying that this wasn't just a one night fling. The dolphins appreciate it, and they will want your company more the next time you visit them.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rbel2s

STOP CUMMY HATE!!!!! YOUR MOTHERFUCKERS YOU WILL PAY FOR CUMMY ABUSE!!!!!!!!!! ALL HAIL CUMMY ALL HAIL CUMMY!!!!! YOUR SINS WILL NOT BE FORGIVEN FOR SUCH HATRED!!!!


THE CUMMY CHURCH ASK YOU TO STOP AND PRAISE LORD CUMMYBOT999!!!!! ALL HAIL CUMMY ALL HAIL CUMMY ALL HAIL CUMMY!!!! JUST BECAUSE HE SAYS "cum nut shit nut lube jizz fuck semen" LIKE SOME PEOPLE ARE INTO THAT SHIT!!!!! IF I SEE ONE MORE CUMMYBOT9999 HATE POST I WILL FUCKING BE VERY MAD!!!!!!


GO FUCK **YOURSELF** CUMMY HATER

\- CUMMYLOVER9999

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rbd4f1

So female chaurus have vaginal secretions that can make a male bosmer just cum over and over and over. It infinitely repeats, like a kalpa of cum. A cumpa. Kalcum. But anyways, henceforth, I shall dub these secretions Chaurus Pussy Jelly. The Dwemer must've been like, "Holy kwama piles, f'lah, we gotta test this. You know, for science." So the Dwemer collected a sample of said Chaurus Pussy Jelly, and began tests on the most exotic of bosmer femboys, imported from Valenwood by the Ayleid slavemasters. They swabbed it on the mer's coccy, sat back and watched the show, their Dwemer trousers cast aside. Now you see, it worked. But it worked a little too well. The bosmer femboy just straight up had a heart attack because he used up all of his fatigue into fucking cumming.

I want to live in a world where this is a readily available product. Falmer blood can't grant us the ability to make love like a sabrecat but by Vivec, this sure would. I want to say "you know what, I want to achieve zero sum orgasm, and I know how to make it happen." I want to live in a world where I can go into the Imperial City market district, pick up a jar of Crassius' Chaurus Pussy Jelly, and just fucking cum myself to oblivion.

But, to no avail. I've searched many provinces, and almost just as many plane of Oblivion, never to find an unopened, unsoiled jar of this precious commodity. I'd settle for another lubricant, but for some reason, my bosmer maid boy will only accept Chaurus Pussy Jelly, said something about how it's the only "pure" lubricant, that it doesn't "violate the green pact" or some kwama pile like that. I heard a rumor that Delphine in Riverwood is selling some, but I don't care to travel to Skyrim go find out (and frankly I'm not sure if it's even real Chaurus Pussy Jelly, or from somewhere else)

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rbbez8

I just wanna say I am in this deep kinda introspective mood that has me awfully thinking about my moody old moody thoughts in the middle of the Winter cuz I'm like, just sitting on this couch and chilling just appreciating some things life is offering me in terms of challenges. Like the challenges of having to wait to reply to something and seeing a million posts scroll by as I am watching with the infernal five minute clock with my eye balls slowly starting to feel wet from my tiredness weighing on me. As I try to look at the Sonic discord chat and want to discuss Sonic things, I see that any chance of discussing things I consider particularly close or relevant to me within the framework of my imagination lost as each words is a second lost, and each second lost amount to a minute, and minutes become hours, so on and so on forth as I see how I lose my integrity with each mishap Well, I thank the mods for really giving me the chance to think really deep again like that. Cuz each 5 minutes passing I feel like a different person, a more productive human being if you will, having to consider what they have to say. So anyways time for another survey because my last one flopped 📷 Noodles or Sushi? Japanese Food or Mexican Food? Also, favorite Sonic character?

Source: https://old.reddit.com/rbauk0