E is the greatest meme to ever exist. It contains so much irony that in order to truly understand its overwhelming complexity takes twenty to thirty minutes. The first time I saw E in April, I needed a moment to regain my composure after one of the hardest laughing fits I ever encountered sent me to the floor. On top of the mash up of lord faarquad and markiplier, two already very dank figures due to different reasons (the knock on effect of Shrek/all star and YouTube drama respectively), the deep fried nature adds to the irony of the image. However, that is just the fuel. The spark of the memes unfathomable amount of humor comes from its simplest element. The single letter E, in its impact font glory. On top of impact font being an extremely dank format when deep fried due to its high irony, the single letter E surpasses all other possible captions due to the simple fact that the letter E is able to not only shine a window into how memes have become so meta that a single letter is hilarious, but also because the simplicity of it is able to bring out an extra level of humor due to how absurd it is. E is an absolute masterpiece and should be rendered as such.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qwtbu2

[More here](http://www.reddit.com/r/NSFW411/wiki/index) From /r/NSFW411.

---

For the NSFW subs 50,000 subscribers and above:

# **General**

/r/nsfw
/r/nsfw2
/r/bonermaterial
/r/nsfw411
/r/iWantToFuckHer
/r/exxxtras
/r/distension
/r/bimbofetish
/r/christiangirls
/r/dirtygaming
/r/sexybutnotporn
/r/femalepov
/r/omgbeckylookathiscock
/r/sexygirls
/r/breedingmaterial
/r/canthold
/r/toocuteforporn
/r/justhotwomen
/r/stripgirls
/r/hotstuffnsfw
/r/uncommonposes
/r/gifsofremoval
/r/nostalgiafapping
/r/truefmk
/r/nudes
/r/slut


## **Looking for**

/r/TipOfMyPenis
/r/pornID



# **Age**

## **MILF**

/r/milf
/r/gonewild30plus
/r/preggoporn
/r/realmoms
/r/agedbeauty
/r/40plusgonewild
/r/maturemilf


## **Teen**

/r/legalteens
/r/collegesluts
/r/adorableporn
/r/legalteensXXX
/r/gonewild18
/r/18_19
/r/just18
/r/PornStarletHQ
/r/fauxbait
/r/barelylegalteens


# **Amateur**

/r/realgirls
/r/amateur
/r/homemadexxx
/r/dirtypenpals
/r/FestivalSluts
/r/CollegeAmateurs
/r/amateurcumsluts
/r/nsfw_amateurs
/r/funwithfriends
/r/randomsexiness
/r/amateurporn
/r/normalnudes
/r/ItsAmateurHour
/r/irlgirls
/r/verifiedamateurs
/r/NSFWverifiedamateurs

## *Cam*

/r/Camwhores
/r/camsluts
/r/streamersgonewild

## *Gonewild*

/r/GoneWild
/r/PetiteGoneWild
/r/gonewildstories
/r/GoneWildTube
/r/treesgonewild
/r/gonewildaudio
/r/GWNerdy
/r/gonemild
/r/altgonewild
/r/gifsgonewild
/r/analgw
/r/gonewildsmiles
/r/onstageGW
/r/RepressedGoneWild
/r/bdsmgw
/r/UnderwearGW
/r/LabiaGW
/r/TributeMe
/r/WeddingsGoneWild
/r/gwpublic
/r/assholegonewild
/r/leggingsgonewild
/r/dykesgonewild
/r/goneerotic
/r/snapchatgw
/r/gonewildhairy
/r/gonewildtrans
/r/gonwild
/r/ratemynudebody

### *Age*

/r/gonewild30plus
/r/gonewild18
/r/onmww (formerly /r/ohnomomwentwild)
/r/40plusgonewild

### *Couples*

/r/GWCouples
/r/gonewildcouples
/r/gwcumsluts
/r/WouldYouFuckMyWife
/r/couplesgonewild

### *Curves*

/r/gonewildcurvy
/r/GoneWildplus
/r/BigBoobsGW
/r/bigboobsgonewild
/r/mycleavage
/r/gonewildchubby

### *Ethnicity*

/r/AsiansGoneWild
/r/gonewildcolor
/r/indiansgonewild
/r/latinasgw
/r/pawgtastic

### *Occupation*

/r/workgonewild
/r/GoneWildScrubs
/r/swingersgw
/r/militarygonewild

## *Snapchat*

/r/NSFW_Snapchat
/r/snapchat_sluts
/r/snapleaks

## *Wives*

/r/wifesharing
/r/hotwife
/r/wouldyoufuckmywife
/r/slutwife
/r/naughtywives


# **Animated**

/r/rule34
/r/ecchi
/r/futanari
/r/doujinshi
/r/yiff
/r/furry
/r/monstergirl

## *Comics*

/r/rule34_comics
/r/sex_comics

## *Hentai*

/r/hentai
/r/hentai_gif
/r/WesternHentai
/r/hentai_irl
/r/traphentai
/r/hentaibondage

## *Video Games*

/r/overwatch_porn
/r/pokeporn
/r/bowsette
/r/rule34lol
/r/rule34overwatch


#**BDSM**

/r/BDSM
/r/Bondage
/r/BDSMcommunity
/r/bdsmgw
/r/femdom


#**Blowjobs**

/r/blowjobs
/r/lipsthatgrip
/r/deepthroat
/r/onherknees
/r/blowjobsandwich
/r/iwanttosuckcock


# **Body Parts**

## **Ass**

/r/ass
/r/asstastic
/r/facedownassup
/r/assinthong
/r/bigasses
/r/buttplug
/r/TheUnderbun
/r/booty
/r/pawg
/r/paag
/r/cutelittlebutts
/r/hipcleavage
/r/frogbutt
/r/HungryButts
/r/cottontails
/r/lovetowatchyouleave
/r/celebritybutts
/r/cosplaybutts
/r/whooties
/r/booty_queens
/r/twerking

### *Anal*

/r/anal
/r/analgw
/r/painal
/r/masterofanal
/r/buttsharpies

### *Asshole*

/r/asshole
/r/AssholeBehindThong
/r/assholegonewild
/r/spreadem
/r/godasshole

### *Yoga pants*

/r/girlsinyogapants
/r/yogapants

##**Boobs/Nipples**

/r/boobies
/r/TittyDrop
/r/boltedontits
/r/boobbounce
/r/boobs
/r/downblouse
/r/homegrowntits
/r/cleavage
/r/breastenvy
/r/youtubetitties
/r/torpedotits
/r/thehangingboobs
/r/page3glamour
/r/fortyfivefiftyfive
/r/tits
/r/amazingtits
/r/titstouchingtits

### *Busty*

/r/BustyPetite
/r/hugeboobs
/r/stacked
/r/burstingout
/r/BigBoobsGW
/r/bigboobsgonewild
/r/2busty2hide
/r/bigtiddygothgf
/r/engorgedveinybreasts
/r/bigtitsinbikinis
/r/biggerthanherhead

### *Nipples*

/r/pokies
/r/ghostnipples
/r/nipples
/r/puffies
/r/lactation

### *Small*

/r/tinytits
/r/aa_cups

### *Titfuck*

/r/titfuck
/r/clothedtitfuck

## **Face**

/r/braceface

## **Hair**

/r/GirlswithNeonHair
/r/shorthairchicks
/r/blonde

## **Legs/feet**

/r/girlsinyogapants
/r/stockings
/r/legs
/r/tightshorts

### *Feet*

/r/buttsandbarefeet
/r/feet

### *Thighs*

/r/datgap
/r/thighhighs
/r/thickthighs
/r/thighdeology

## **Pussy**

/r/pussy
/r/rearpussy
/r/innie
/r/simps
/r/pelfie
/r/LabiaGW
/r/godpussy
/r/presenting
/r/cameltoe
/r/hairypussy
/r/pantiestotheside
/r/breakingtheseal

### *Mound*

/r/moundofvenus
/r/pussymound

## **Skin**

/r/Hotchickswithtattoos
/r/sexyfrex
/r/tanlines
/r/oilporn
/r/ComplexionExcellence

## **Waist/Tummy**

/r/SexyTummies
/r/theratio




# **Body Type**

/r/bodyperfection
/r/samespecies
/r/athleticgirls
/r/coltish

##**Curvy/Thick/THICC**

/r/gonewildcurvy
/r/curvy
/r/gonewildplus
/r/thick
/r/juicyasians
/r/voluptuous
/r/biggerthanyouthought
/r/jigglefuck
/r/chubby
/r/SlimThick
/r/massivetitsnass
/r/thicker
/r/thickthighs
/r/tightsqueeze
/r/casualjiggles
/r/bbw
/r/gonewildchubby
/r/amazingcurves

## **Fit**

/r/fitgirls
/r/fitnakedgirls

## **Petite**

/r/BustyPetite
/r/dirtysmall
/r/petitegonewild
/r/xsmallgirls
/r/funsized
/r/hugedicktinychick
/r/petite
/r/skinnytail


#**Celebrity/Athlete**


## **Athlete**

/r/volleyballgirls
/r/Ohlympics

## **Celebrity**

/r/celebnsfw
/r/WatchItForThePlot
/r/nsfwcelebarchive
/r/celebritypussy
/r/oldschoolcoolNSFW
/r/extramile
/r/jerkofftocelebs
/r/celebritybutts
/r/onoffcelebs
/r/celebswithbigtits
/r/youtubersgonewild


# **Cum**

/r/cumsluts
/r/GirlsFinishingTheJob
/r/cumfetish
/r/amateurcumsluts
/r/cumcoveredfucking
/r/cumhaters
/r/thickloads
/r/before_after_cumsluts
/r/pulsatingcumshots
/r/impressedbycum

## *Cum Location*

/r/creampies
/r/throatpies
/r/FacialFun
/r/cumonclothes
/r/oralcreampie
/r/creampie

# **Emotion**

/r/HappyEmbarrassedGirls
/r/unashamed
/r/borednignored
/r/annoyedtobenude

# **Ethnicity**

/r/damngoodinterracial

## **Asian**

/r/AsianHotties
/r/AsiansGoneWild
/r/realasians
/r/juicyasians
/r/AsianNSFW
/r/nextdoorasians
/r/asianporn
/r/bustyasians
/r/paag

### *Indian*

/r/IndianBabes
/r/indiansgonewild

### *Japanese*

/r/NSFW_Japan
/r/javdownloadcenter

### *Korean*

/r/kpopfap
/r/NSFW_Korea

## **Ebony**

/r/WomenOfColor
/r/darkangels
/r/blackchickswhitedicks
/r/ebony
/r/Afrodisiac

## **Ginger**

/r/ginger
/r/redheads

## **Latina**

/r/latinas
/r/latinasgw
/r/latinacuties

## **White**

/r/palegirls
/r/pawg
/r/snowwhites
/r/whooties


# **Gifs**

/r/NSFW_GIF
/r/nsfw_gifs
/r/porn_gifs
/r/porninfifteenseconds
/r/CuteModeSlutMode
/r/60fpsporn
/r/NSFW_HTML5
/r/the_best_nsfw_gifs
/r/verticalgifs
/r/besthqporngifs


# **Groups**

/r/twingirls
/r/groupofnudegirls
/r/Ifyouhadtopickone

# **Hardcore**

/r/nsfwhardcore
/r/SheLikesItRough
/r/strugglefucking
/r/jigglefuck
/r/whenitgoesin
/r/outercourse
/r/gangbang
/r/pegging
/r/insertions
/r/passionx
/r/xsome
/r/shefuckshim

##*Cuck*

/r/cuckold
/r/cuckquean

##*Cum inside*

/r/breeding
/r/forcedcreampie

## *Large Penis*

/r/hugedicktinychick
/r/amateurgirlsbigcocks
/r/bbcsluts

## *Positions*

/r/facesitting
/r/nsfw_plowcam
/r/pronebone
/r/facefuck
/r/girlswhoride

# **High Quality**

/r/60fpsporn
/r/highresNSFW
/r/NSFW_HTML5


# **Incest**

/r/incestporn
/r/wincest
/r/incest_gifs



# **Individuals**

## **Professional/Cam**

/r/remylacroix
/r/Anjelica_Ebbi
/r/BlancNoir
/r/rileyreid
/r/tessafowler
/r/lilyivy
/r/mycherrycrush
/r/gillianbarnes
/r/emilybloom
/r/miamalkova
/r/sashagrey
/r/angelawhite
/r/miakhalifa
/r/alexapearl
/r/missalice_18
/r/lanarhoades
/r/evalovia
/r/GiannaMichaels
/r/erinashford
/r/sextrophies
/r/sabrina_nichole
/r/LiyaSilver
/r/MelissaDebling
/r/AdrianaChechik
/r/abelladanger

## **Redditors**

/r/sarah_xxx
/r/dollywinks
/r/funsizedasian
/r/Kawaiiikitten
/r/legendarylootz
/r/sexyflowerwater
/r/keriberry_420
/r/justpeachyy
/r/hopelesssofrantic



# **Lesbian**

/r/lesbians
/r/StraightGirlsPlaying
/r/girlskissing
/r/mmgirls
/r/dykesgonewild
/r/justfriendshavingfun

# **Masturbation/Orgasm**

/r/holdthemoan
/r/O_faces
/r/jilling
/r/gettingherselfoff
/r/quiver
/r/GirlsHumpingThings
/r/forcedorgasms
/r/mmgirls
/r/ruinedorgasms
/r/realahegao

## ***Dildos***

/r/suctiondildos
/r/baddragon

## ***Wet women***

/r/grool
/r/squirting



# **Men**

/r/ladybonersgw
/r/massivecock
/r/chickflixxx
/r/gaybrosgonewild
/r/sissies
/r/penis
/r/monsterdicks
/r/thickdick


# **Misogyny**

/r/freeuse
/r/fuckdoll
/r/degradingholes
/r/fuckmeat



# **Outfits**

/r/OnOff
/r/nsfwoutfits
/r/girlswithglasses
/r/collared
/r/seethru
/r/sweatermeat
/r/cfnm
/r/nsfwfashion
/r/leotards
/r/whyevenwearanything
/r/shinyporn
/r/gothsluts

## *Bikinis*

/r/bikinis
/r/bikinibridge
/r/bigtitsinbikinis

## *Costumes*

/r/nsfwcosplay
/r/nsfwcostumes
/r/girlsinschooluniforms

## *Dresses/Skirts*

/r/WtSSTaDaMiT
/r/tightdresses
/r/upskirt
/r/SchoolgirlSkirts

## *Stockings/Socks*

/r/stockings
/r/thighhighs
/r/leggingsgonewild

## *Pants/Shorts*

/r/Bottomless_Vixens
/r/tightshorts
/r/tight_shorts

### *Yoga pants*

/r/girlsinyogapants
/r/yogapants

## *Underwear*

/r/lingerie
/r/pantiestotheside

### *Thongs*

/r/assinthong
/r/AssholeBehindThong





# **Professional/Sites/Porn**

/r/porn
/r/suicidegirls
/r/GirlsDoPorn
/r/pornstarhq
/r/porninaminute


# **Public**

/r/ChangingRooms
/r/workgonewild
/r/FlashingGirls
/r/publicflashing
/r/sexinfrontofothers
/r/NotSafeForNature
/r/gwpublic
/r/realpublicnudity
/r/flashingandflaunting
/r/publicsexporn
/r/nakedadventures

## *Social Media*

/r/socialmediasluts
/r/slutsofsnapchat

### *OnlyFans*

/r/OnlyFans101

### *TikTok*

/r/tiktoknsfw
/r/tiktokthots
/r/tiktokporn

## *Trash*

/r/trashyboners
/r/flubtrash


# **Selfies**

/r/realsexyselfies
/r/nude_selfie

# **Trans**

/r/Tgirls
/r/traps
/r/futanari
/r/gonewildtrans
/r/tgifs
/r/shemales
/r/femboys
/r/transporn


# **Video**

/r/pornvids
/r/nsfw_videos


---

# Meet People

/r/dirtysnapchat

---

# Other NSFW

/r/randomactsofblowjob
/r/NSFWFunny
/r/pornhubcomments
/r/confusedboners
/r/dirtykikpals
/r/nsfw_wtf
/r/randomactsofmuffdive
/r/stupidslutsclub
/r/sluttyconfessions
/r/jobuds
/r/drunkdrunkenporn


---


# Gore

/r/popping
/r/medicalgore

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qwruiw

Damn, my younger brother just shoved the dining table at my parents and called them capitalists because my mother asked him to give a cup of water to her .

What should i do?

And Yep, my brother is a fcking commie and he had been disrespectful towards my parents since he was propagated communism by someone on discord.

Now, things got worse not because my parents prevented him from being a communist but because my brother just rude and even accusing them as capitalists

I really want to break his legs to pieces and hear his screeching in pain as i do it.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qwrbmo

OK, hear me out mom, Amelia Watson is my ideal mating partner. You may ask, who's that? Well, Amelia Watson is from hololive english gen 1 (holomyth) or in japanese, Hororaibu Ingulishu gen wan (holomilfu). She's a virtual youtuber (or vtuber for short) with the theme of a detective, fyi vtubers are the ideal mating partner because 2D>3D, it's not an opinion, it's an actual scientifically proven fact that has many hours of research put in it. But that's a topic for another day. Mom, I swear to fucking god I want to fuck Amelia Watson so badly, I could die in the pit's of hell just for it. Her magnificent child bearing thighs of a greek goddess, her absolute perfect breasts (not too big or small, just right with the right shape) and not to mention her mesmerising, cute face, god i want to kiss those cute succulent of hers and suck her sweet nectar. YaAllah, even her attire is absolute peak drip. Her cute hat, her monocle, her white shirt, brown jacket and red tie. Even her blond hair, it all reminds me of spongebob, the absolute symbol of sexiness and lust. Ever since I was 13, I've been cripplingly sexually attracted to Spongebob. I remember like it was yesterday, I saw Spongebob on the tv, it was the episode where spongebob was running away from home to become a jellyfish. It was just a normal episode, up until the moment where it all changed, the moment which defined my life, the moment where I developed my degenrative fetish. It was the moment when spongebob's clothes were ripped off. He was completely naked for all to see, for the 13 year old me, something had awoken within me. My penis became so erect that I could feel its aura radiating. When I saw the naked Spongebob, I could'nt stop thinking of all the pores on him. I wanted to put my penis in all of them and cum all my bodily fluids in Spongebob. That day, I could'nt stop masturbating, I was yanking the stick for hours on end wishing the moment would last forever. But alas, fairy tails never last, that day my dad came home early from work, I was expecting another 2 hours of fun time. When my dad opened the door, he saw me in a pool of cum, holding my phone with a picture of naked spongebob. After that day, I swore to never look at Spongebob porn again. But that was all in the past, I no longer need Spongebob or my dark past, as I have now found a new obsesion. Amelia Watson.

​

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qwq7g3

​

barbine, bavette, bigoli, bucatini, busiate, capellini, fedellini, ferrazzuoli, fettuccine, fileja, linguine, lagane, lasagna, lasagnette, lasagnotte, maccheroni alla molinara. maccheroncini di campofilone mafalde, matriciani, pappardelle, perciatteli, picagge, pici, pillus, rustiche, sagne 'ncannulate, scialatelli, spaghetti, spagetthi alla chitarra, spaghettini, spaghettoni, stringozzi, su filindeu, tagliatelle, taglierini, trenette, tripoline, vermicelli, ziti, anelli, boccoli, calamarata, campanelle, cappeli da chef, casarecce, casacatelli, castellane, cavatappi, cavatelli, chifferi, cicioneddos, conchiglie, creste di galli, fagioloni, farfalle, fazzoletti, festoni, fiorentine, fiori, fusilli, fusilli bucati, garganelli, gemelli, gnocchi, lanterne, lorighittas, macaroni, maccheroncelli, mafaldine, malloreddus, mandala, marrile, mezzani, mezze maniche, mezze penne, mezzi bombardoni, nuvole, paccheri, passatelli, pasta el ceppo, penne, penne ricce, picchiarelli, pipe rigate, pizzoccheri, quadrefiore, radiatory, ricciollini, ricciutelle, rigatoncini, rigatoni, rombi, rotelle, sagnette, sagneralli, sedani, spirali, strapponi, strozzaperti, testaroli, tortigiloni, treccioni, trenne, trofie, trottole, tuffoli, vesuvio, cencioni, corzetti, fainelle, fogile, d'ulivo, orecchiette, acini de pepe, alphabet pasta, anchellini, anelli, anellini, armonie, conchigliette, corquilettes, coralli, corallini, cuscussu, ditali, egg barley, fideos, filini, fregula, funghini, gianduietta, grano, gramigne, grattini, grattoni, margerthine, merletti, midolline, occhi di passero, orzo, pastina, piombi, ptitim, puntine, quadrettini, sorprese, stelle, stortini, tripolini, agnolini, agnolotti, caccavelle, canneloni, cappelletti, caramelle, casoncelli, casunziei, conchiglioni, culurgiones, fagottini, lumache, mezzelune, occhi di lupo, pansotti, ravioli, rotolo ripieno, sacchettoni, tortelli, tortelloni, tufoli, canederli, donderet, gnocchi

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qwouqu

Hey, it seems that you've reposted my r/teenagers post into r/copypasta. I suggest that you delete it NOW! You do not deserve the clout by reposting my story about cumming inside FemBoys at my school in r/copypasta. I've only accumulated over 2 updoots (66% updoot rate) and 11 comments in my post, while YOU'VE earned 4.8k updoots and 112 comments (as of 7:34 PM, EST time). This is just unfair, I hope that you get banned from that subreddit permanently for reposting my post, you fucking scumbag. Delete it now, or else I'm going to make you download TikTok, Gacha Life, and Fortnite and then force you to watch and play those shitty apps for 1 week straight.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qwo85o

Hello people, I have come here to ask for help. I was playing Gingerbread Ninja (The Wii version), and I went to take a break. I turned off the game and left for a while, but when I came back, my save file was gone! I was really upset (I destroyed everything in the room I was in) due to the fact that I had spent 342 hours playing on that save file! How can I recover it? I don't want to play it 655 times again!

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qwmqav

I've been in love with my sister for a long time, and today, something really interesting happened. Over the past few years, my sister and I have been hanging out a lot more and I developed a crush on her. Today, we were just hanging out in a restaurant and things were getting really flirtatious. We could tell that we wanted each other and agreed to go back home to her bedroom. Apparently, she always had a crush on me as well. When we arrived, she took off her pants. Her panties looked so sexy on her, I got rock hard immediately and took off my pants, my erection in full view of her. It was one of the hottest things I've done in my life. But then she took off her jacket. This is where the interesting stuff happens. I noticed that she was wearing a shirt of the Champion brand, and if you flip the logo sideways, it sort of looks like a crewmate from the popular game, "Among Us" Immediately, my brain acted on it's own. I'm not sure what happened, but I couldn't stop it. With my hard c\*\*k fully visible, I screamed, "SUS!!!! SUS!!!!!!! AMONG US AMONG US!!!!!!!!!" I couldn't believe what I had just said. My sister looked confused and startled. She asked if I was okay and I wanted to say yes, but my brain didn't listen. I yelled, "HOLY SHIT YOU'RE ACTING SUS WHY YOU ACTING SUS HOLY SHIT AMONG US AMONG US" My sister had terror in her eyes. She was terrified of me. But I couldn't stop. I lunged at her. "YOU'RE SUS YOU NEED TO GET VOTED OUT WHY ARE YOU ACTING SUSSSSSS YOU'RE THE IMPOSTOR!!!!!!!" She screamed at the top of her lungs. With all her strength, she escaped my grasp and left the room. I yelled. "YOU'RE ACTING SUS RUNNING AWAY IS SUS ARE YOU GOING TO VENT? VENTING IS REALLY SUS YOU NEED TO BE VOTED OUT!!!!" I chased after her but eventually she locked herself in the bathroom and I could hear her talking to what I think was 911. It's been 10 minutes and the cops are currently on the way.

TLDR: my sister invited me to her bedroom to get freaky but then i saw the champion logo and became an amongus crazed animal trying to kill her, and got the cops called on me.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qw2t4b

Mehriban Aliyeva is the reason I work out. I have this fantasy where we start talking at a UN summit after party. We exchange a few pleasantries. She asks what I do. I say I loved her on Russia24. She laughs. I get my drink.

"Well, see ya," I say and walk away. I've got her attention now. How many guys voluntarily leave a conversation with Mehriban Aliyeva? She touches her neck as she watches me leave.

Later, as the night's dragged on and the coterie of gorgeous narcissists grows increasingly loose, she finds me on the balcony, my bowtie undone, smoking a cigarette.

"Got a spare?" she asks.

"What's in it for me?" I say as I hand her one of my little white ladies. She smiles.

"Conversation with me, duh."

I laugh.

"What's so funny?" she protests.

"Nothing, nothing... It's just... don't you grow tired of the egos?"

"You get used to it," she says, lighting her cigarette and handing me back the lighter.

"What would you do if you weren't the Vice President of Azerbaijan?" I ask.

"Teaching, I think."

"And if I was your student, what would I be learning?"

"Discipline," she says quickly, looking up into my eyes, before changing the subject. "Where are you from?"

"Mexico" I say.

"Oh wow. That's lovely."

"It's OK," I admit. "Not everything is to my liking."

"What could possibly be not to your liking in Mexico?" she inquires.

"I don't like sand," I tell her. "It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere."

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qwlgc6

Oh, so you're just going to leave me on read? That's ok. No really, that's ok. It doesn't hurt my feelings at all. Not one bit. I mean I'm a nice person and all, and I can understand that maybe you're just not in the mood to talk right now and I'm ok with that.

I hope leaving me on read took some of the stress out of your day. I hope you feel empowered by neglecting the text that I took the time out of my day to send to you. Do you think I would have sent you that message if I knew you were just going to leave me on read? Was it really that meaningless to you? Do you think I really just sent you that message expecting no response? You're lucky because I'm a really nice person and I won't get worked up about this, but you should really consider the consequences of your actions in the future.

Just imagine if I did care. Maybe then we'd have a problem on our hands. But no, I'll just let this one slide. Seriously, it's not even that big of a deal and all it shows is that you are a disrespectful and rude person in general. Were you raised by monkeys? What kind of person raises their kids to leave their friends on read? Oh, that's right, your parents did that.

Well, I hope you know that leaving people on read doesn't actually make you cool and that I can see straight through you, you sack of shit. You dirtbag son of a bitch. Do you think you're funny or something? Because, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but: you aren't fucking funny. And you never will be fucking funny. And to be quite honest with you, I've had enough of your shit. I don't care if I have to come to your house, take your phone and make you type me an adequate response. Do you want that? I don't think so, buddy.

You left the wrong person on read this time. And don't think I won't because I will and I'll have you know that I have about 25 certified snipers surrounding your house right now and I've told them to shoot at the first sign of movement. Scared? Of course a baby like you wou

-----------------
Link to the [OP](https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/comments/qw585o/i_left_him_on_read_again_after_that/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)

Yes this was apparently a real message someone received.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qwkga4

whips out my massive cock that i wish i had and proceeds to dance around violently screaming IM A GUMMY BEAR all while helicoptering my massive dong You will then be confused and unable to speak therefore i just saved my life, however not wanting to have this happen again I slap my dick until it's rock hard and slap your ugly ass face so hard you suffer 2 major concussions and are confined to a wheelchair for the rest of your life. This my friends is why im single

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qwji94

I've thought about what I want to get off my chest so here goes nothing:


Honestly, I didn't really wanna go out with you. I wish you hadn't asked me out right away. You weren't really my type. I always felt uncomfortable and awkward in our relationship and I felt like I couldn't be myself. Your mom didn't really have a right to say what she said about me, considering she only met me like twice, and btw, im not lazy and I'm not a millennial who expects everything to be handed to me. I'm surprised for a guy your age you could grow a beard but couldn't grow a pair. \[My longtime friend\] and I are friends again and she asked if she needed to beat you up but I told her I dont want her getting arrested, but she has my full permission to talk smack about you. I honestly wish I never dated you because if I hadn't I would be in a longer and better relationship by now. The sex was okay tbh and I could still walk afterwards and the reason I didn't wanna give you a blowjob is because I don't suck lil dicks. You might know about music but jesus you can't sing, and not all musicians can, so thank god I was blessed with the voice of an angel. Everything that reminds me of you like \[Public Transportation\], \[Chinese Food\], and everything else I now suddenly hate when I never had a reason to until now. I'm writing this bc i want to end my year without feeling like shit about our relationship. You're such a man-child. There wasn't any love between us. It felt forced. A real man would show his girl off. He wouldn't be ashamed of her and all her flaws. He would love her. Adíos, pendejo. I hope that you burn 📷


(Edited to remove personally incriminating information for myself and her)

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qwin7b

I am and always will be a racist, everyone in my family is a racist. We're so racist that we've watched every single Nascar race and we all drive manuals too, that's how racist we are. Some races are superior to others, mainly the F1 races, nothing like a good ol' race war. I love being a racist around everyone I see but not everyone appreciates the power of my Mustang, one time I got kicked out of a restaurant for telling everyone that I'm a racist. I wish more people were as racist as I am. Upvote if you're a true racist.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qwhyjq

Property theft is a joke to you? I'll have you know that the blockchain doesn't lie. I own it. Even if you save it, it's my own property. You are mad that you don't own the art that I own.
Delete that screenshot.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qwg07e

you ever think about how force users would be the best sex workers ever? they could use force choke or force lightning on their kinky clients, while giving force handjobs to more normal ones. they could also use the force to enhance their sexual abilities, and use the force to enlarge their sexual organs. they could even cause orgasm with the force if they wanted to, imagine yoda's massive 24 inch throbbing green cock he hid beneath that robe of his, Obi-Wan Kenobi? More like Obi-Wan CanBlowMe. Anyways, thank you for coming to my ted talk.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qwf80i

I'd kick the shit out of any amount of 8 year olds. Rage music would be playing over loud speakers while I dismembered 8 year olds like Doomguy destroys legions of demons. I'd stand tall like a barbarian on the ramparts of a castle while his greatsword cleaved dozens of vulnerable archers in twain. My mighty fists of justice would crash down upon these children at such a high velocity not even a 1000 stinky little flossers could could stand before me for even an instant. A crowd of amazed onlookers would cheer for me and I bathed in their blood and they would note a look of distain and maybe even boredom upon my visage. I have never before beheld such feebleness as these pathetic children rush into my killing embrace. It takes hours but it feels like no time at all, such is the ease in which I slaughter a horde of 8 year old children.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qweo8m

what if...

you guys are all...

just cake...

the thought bounces around in my head. I can't take it for long, so I turn to my computer for entertainment.

I walk over and push the power button. My hand sinks into a bread-like substance. My computer is cake.

I scream, and run to my door, reaching for the knob. it crumbles in my hand.

It is cake.

My feet begin to feel sticky. I realize... my floor is now cake, the carpet, frosting.

I push my door and it crumbles, for it is cake I yell out "is anyone here!!!???" there is no answer.

I wander around my house and find my dog on my parents' bed. I run to him and reach to pet him for comfort.

My hands sink in... for he is cake.

I scream again and run for the door. This time I just charge through it, for it is cake.

As I continue on, the porch stairs (that are now cake) give way under the pressure of my foot. I fall to the ground, except it is not ground. It is cake.

I get up, and turn towards the street hoping to find something... someone that isn't cake.

As I make it to the street, I trip. And as suspected, the street is cake.

I try to get up. and fail.

I look behind me, and there is my foot.

I gasp and a feeling of dread washes over me.

Then a new feeling, or more accurately, a lack of it.

I raise my arm, and it falls off, just below the elbow. I stare at it.

Cake.

"I am... cake?" I say as the rest of my body begins to crumble. I try to cry but cannot, for I am cake.

I give in to the cake, and fall over.

"I am cake." I say.

"All. Is. cake."

Everything around me fades, as I feel myself fusing with the street cake.

I cease to feel. My senses dissipate but it does not matter to me.

I am cake.

Cake is all that matters.

There is only...

CAKE

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qwcyem

I finally did it. I out-pizza'd the Hut. It was the greatest mistake of my life. After years of perfecting my recipe, I made my way down to the local hut, fresh-baked pizza pie in hand. "Try this," I told the kid working the counter. He did, and he had to agree that it was better than anything Pizza Hut had to offer. Soon, the entire store, customers included, was feasting on my delicious pie. The manager walked over, grabbed a slice, and took a bite. I look at him, anticipation rising. This was the boss, the local fief lord of the Hut. His approval meant more to me than all the rest combined. He took a bite and nodded. "I'll be damned," he said, "you really did it. You out-pizza'd the Hut. Shame." Shame? What did he mean by tha- the manager pulled a gun out from behind his apron and shot the nearest customer in the head. "We have a Code Jalapeño," he said into his wrist as he executed the remaining customers. "I repeat, we have a Code Jalapeño." The ground was slick with blood. The kid working the counter choked out his dying breath as the manager turned to me. "You just had to do it motherfucker. You just had to out-pizza the Hut." He shoved the gun in my face. I was too scared to fight, too scared to run. The manager pulled the trigger. A click. The gun was empty. I threw a chair at the manager and scrambled out of the Pizza Hut, not even bothering to see if my missile hit its mark. I was closely pursued by the manager, who had gotten his hands on a deadly sharp pizza cutter. I suspected in his hands it would cut more than pizza. Somehow, I was able to get into my car and speed off, the manager cursing my existence as I left him behind. I took a deep breath. The manager was clearly psychotic. Yes, that was it, just a crazy man with a gun. It had to be. My phone rang. Sister. I picked it. "They're dead, she sobbed. They're all dead. M-mom, dad, Chris, Bill. Dead. They killed them all." I could barely understand her, so great were her sobs. "What do you mean? Where are you?" I asked urgently. "How is this possi-" a single gunshot sounded through my phone's speakers. Silence. Then, I heard a man's voice. "No one out-pizzas the Hut." He hung up. I drove down the empty county road, mind blank. I had nothing. They killed my family. I was alone. At that moment I knew what I had to do. They took everything from me. Well then, I would take everything from them. Pizza Hut was so terrified of being out-pizza'd, they forgot there's one thing worse than a man with a recipe: A man with nothing to lose. I'll give them a limited time offer they won't be able to refuse: two bullets for the price of one. With a free side order of pain.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qwbi6k

‼️‼️HOLY FUCKING SHIT‼️‼️‼️‼️ IS THAT A MOTHERFUCKING JOJO REFERENCE??????!!!!!!!!!!11!1!1!1!1!1!1! 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 JOJO IS THE BEST FUCKING ANIME 🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯 JOSUKE IS SO BADASSSSS 😎😎😎😎😎😎😎👊👊👊👊👊 ORAORAORAORAORALORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORAORA 😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩 😩😩😩😩 MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA 🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬🤬😡🤬🤬😡WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Yo Angelo!Yo Angelo!🗿 🗿 Yo Angelo!🗿 🗿 Yo Angelo! Yo Angelo!🗿 Yo Angelo! 🗿 Yo Angelo!🗿 🗿 Yo Angelo! 🗿 🗿 🗿 🗿 🗿 🗿 Yo Angelo!Yo Angelo!Yo Angelo! Yo Angelo!Yo Angelo!Yo Angelo! Yo Angelo!🗿 Yo Angelo! 🗿 Yo Angelo!Yo Angelo!🗿 🗿 Yo Angelo! 🗿 🗿 🗿 🗿 🗿 🗿 Yo Angelo! YARE YARE YARE YARE YARE YARE YARE YARE YARE YARE YARE YARE YARE YARE YARE YARE YARE YARE YARE YARE YARE YARE 🤙🏿🤙🏿🤙🏿🤙🏿🤙🏿🤙🏿🤙🏿🤙🏿🤙🏿🤙🏿🤙🏿🤙🏿🤙🏿🤙🏿🤙🏿🤙🏿 NIGERUNDAYOOOO 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️ NIGERUNDAYOOOO 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️ NIGERUNDAYOOOO 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️ NIGERUNDAYOOOO 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️ NIGERUNDAYOOOO 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️ NIGERUNDAYOOOO 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️ NIGERUNDAYOOOO DORARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARARA🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢 POLANAREFFUUUUUUUTURURURURURURURURURURURURU 🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸 TURURURURURURURURURU 🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸🐸 SHIZA! SHIZA! SHIZAAAAAA!!!!!!!!! ➕➕➕➕➕➕➕➕➕➕➕➕➕➕➕➕➕➕➕➕➕➕➕➕ WHO SHOT JOHNNY JOESTAR?? 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 WHO SHOT JOHNNY JOESTAR?? 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 WHO SHOT JOHNNY JOESTAR?? 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 WHO SHOT JOHNNY JOESTAR?? 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 WHO SHOT JOHNNY JOESTAR?? 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔 DIRTY DEEDS DONE DIRT CHEAP 💵💵💵💰💰💰💰💎💎 FILTHY ACTS AS A REASONABLE PRICE DIRTY DEEDS DONE DIRT CHEAP 💵💵💵💰💰💰💰💎💎 FILTHY ACTS AS A REASONABLE PRICE DIRTY DEEDS DONE DIRT CHEAP 💵💵💵💰💰💰💰💎💎 FILTHY ACTS AS A REASONABLE PRICE DIRTY DEEDS DONE DIRT CHEAP 💵💵💵💰💰💰💰💎💎 FILTHY ACTS AS A REASONABLE PRICE KONO POWAAAAAA!!!!!!💣💣💣💣 TEMEEEEEEEE KONO POWAAAAAA!!!!!!💣💣💣💣 TEMEEEEEEEE KONO POWAAAAAA!!!!!!💣💣💣💣 TEMEEEEEEEE KONO POWAAAAAA!!!!!!💣💣💣💣💣 TEMEEEEEEEE KONO POWAAAAAA!!!!!!💣💣💣💣 TEMEEEEEEEE GIORNO GIOVANNA YUME GA ARU☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️ GIORNO GIOVANNA YUME GA ARU☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️ GIORNO GIOVANNA YUME GA ARU☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️ GIORNO GIOVANNA YUME GA ARU☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️ GIORNO GIOVANNA YUME GA ARU☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️ STICKYYYYYY FINGAAAAAA!!!!!‼️‼️ STICKYYYYYY FINGAAAAAA!!!!!‼️‼️ STICKYYYYYY FINGAAAAAA!!!!!‼️‼️ STICKYYYYYY FINGAAAAAA!!!!!‼️‼️ STICKYYYYYY FINGAAAAAA!!!!!‼️‼️ STICKYYYYYY FINGAAAAAA!!!!!‼️‼️ PLUCK!!!!!!!!! YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES ✅YES NANIIIII⁉️⁉️⁉️ BAKANAAAAA‼️‼️‼️ BUCCIARATI!!!!!!! TEQUILA🍺🍻🍾🥂🥂🍺🥂🍸🥃🥃 TEQUILA🍺🍻🍾🥂🥂🍺🥂🍸🥃🥃 TEQUILA🍺🍻🍾🥂🥂🍺🥂🍸🥃🥃 TEQUILA🍺🍻🍾🥂🥂🍺🥂🍸🥃🥃 TEQUILA🍺🍻🍾🥂🥂🍺🥂🍸🥃🥃 TEQUILA🍺🍻🍾🥂🥂🍺🥂🍸🥃🥃 DRINK ABBACCHIO’S PISS DRINK ABBACCHIO’S PISS DRINK ABBACCHIO’S PISS DRINK ABBACCHIO’S PISS 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮 DRINK ABBACCHIO’S PISS DRINK ABBACCHIO’S PISS DRINK ABBACCHIO’S PISS DRINK ABBACCHIO’S PISS 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮 🌍🌍🌍Do You believe in gravity🌍🌍🌍 🌍🌍🌍Do You believe in gravity🌍🌍🌍 🌍🌍🌍Do You believe in gravity🌍🌍🌍 🌍🌍🌍Do You believe in gravity🌍🌍🌍 🌍🌍🌍Do You believe in gravity🌍🌍🌍 🌍🌍🌍Do You believe in gravity🌍🌍🌍 🌍🌍🌍Do You believe in gravity🌍🌍🌍 👼👼👼Madeu in heaven!!👼👼👼 👼👼👼Madeu in heaven!!👼👼👼 👼👼👼Madeu in heaven!!👼👼👼 👼👼👼Madeu in heaven!!👼👼👼 👼👼👼Madeu in heaven!!👼👼👼 👼👼👼Madeu in heaven!!👼👼👼 👼👼👼Madeu in heaven!!👼👼👼 👼👼👼Madeu in heaven!!👼👼👼 👼👼👼Madeu in heaven!!👼👼👼 👼👼👼Madeu in heaven!!👼👼👼 Oh you’re approaching me❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓ Oh you’re approaching me❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓ Oh you’re approaching me❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓ Oh you’re approaching me❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓ Oh you’re approaching me❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓ Oh you’re approaching me❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓ Oh you’re approaching me❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓ Oh you’re approaching me❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓ But it was me, Dio‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😂😂 But it was me, Dio‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😂😂 But it was me, Dio‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😂😂 But it was me, Dio‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😂😂 But it was me, Dio‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😂😂

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qwb59d

⡴⠑⡄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⣀⣀⣤⣤⣤⣀⡀
⠸⡇⠀⠿⡀⠀⠀⠀⣀⡴⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⡀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠑⢄⣠⠾⠁⣀⣄⡈⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣆
⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⡀⠁⠀⠀⠈⠙⠛⠂⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⡿⢿⣆
⠀⠀⠀⢀⡾⣁⣀⠀⠴⠂⠙⣗⡀⠀⢻⣿⣿⠭⢤⣴⣦⣤⣹⠀⠀⠀⢀⢴⣆
⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣷⣮⣽⣾⣿⣥⣴⣿⣿⡿⢂⠔⢚⡿⢿⣿⣦⣴⣾⠸⣼⡿
⠀⢀⡞⠁⠙⠻⠿⠟⠉⠀⠛⢹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣌⢤⣼⣿⣾⣿⡟⠉
⠀⣾⣷⣶⠇⠀⠀⣤⣄⣀⡀⠈⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇
⠀⠉⠈⠉⠀⠀⢦⡈⢻⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣤⣽⡹⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠲⣽⡻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣜⣿⣿⣿⡇
⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣷⣶⣮⣭⣽⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣀⣈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠇
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qw9hnv