no one:

absolutely nobody:

still nobody:

not a single soul:

literally no one:

not even big chungus:

kiwicel: \*makes retarded post\*

leftypol: I'm going to end this man's whole career

\[everyone disliked that\]

baby yeed: wait that's illegal

brie larson: ok that was lowkey on point

pickle rick: \*slaps roof of car\* luke did i ever tell you about the time i turned myself into a pickle? it was an epic moment.

luke: \*is retarded\*

CIA: Bane?

sans undertale: hey don't google HP Lovecraft's cat name

\[OP googles hp lovecrafts cat name\]

CIA: congratulations you got yourself caught!

stan lee: \*flies past in a spaceship\* ooooh i dont care what universe you're from that's GOTTA HURT

\[everyone laughed\]

keanu reeves: you're breathtaking!

area 51 guards:i bet i can take on keanu reeves

keanu reeves: you sure about that

keanu reeves: kills all area 51 guards

area 51:wait thats illegal

\[Everyone liked that\]

CIA: am I a joke to you?

Alt right incels: there's no way star wars can be good agai....

Baby Yeed: hold my beer

Big chungus joined the chat

Drumpf has left the chat

Markiplier: Welcome To The Dark Side Of Youtube

4chanlets: 'Yeah, I'm thinking this is kind of epic based pilled, maybe a bit of a coom moment?? Idk think I might post a frog.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qsk2b9

Hey girl

Look, I'm gonna make this simple for you

You got two choices…

Yes, or yes

​

Ah ah ah ah ah

Choose only one of the two, yes or yes?

Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah

Make your choice, come on, yes or yes?

​

Since when was I so selfish?

Did I ever want something this eagerly, eagerly?

Everyone, everyone is surprised at how shameless I am

(Come on and tell me yes)

My scenario has become more daring than I thought

I’d say this plan is perfect, quite satisfying, satisfying

I don't care, I don't care no matter what others say ooh ooh ooh ooh

(You better tell me yes)

​

I have decided yes!

Now it’s time to hear your answer

If it’s too hard, there are examples to choose from

You don’t have to waste your time thinking

​

Don’t know what you’ll choose, so I prepared these options

Choose only one of the two, yes or yes?

Don’t know what you want, so I prepared these options

Make your choice, come on, yes or yes?

I will say no to your no, is it me or us?

I respect your choice, but reject your rejection

There is only one answer, the choice is up to you

It’s all up to you

​

Choose only one of the two, yes or yes?

​

Do you mean it? (Do not guess)

Are you serious? (Do not ask)

Don’t give me that unsure side-to-side, I want a sure up-and-down

There's no letters N and O

I’ll erase them from today

There’s no need to think too hard

The answer is yes yes yo!

​

You bring out my hidden selfishness

Your eyes and my curiosity about you

Make (make) my heart burning (burning)

My heart burn, burn, burn

(You better hurry up)

​

To make it simple

Whatever you choose, you will be with me

Though it may seem a bit absurd (baby boy, ooh...)

Though you might say, I’m insisting you (whoa whoa)

I’ll make you to never regret

Don’t know what you’ll choose, so I prepared these options

Choose only one of the two, yes or yes?

Don’t know what you want, so I prepared these options

Make your choice, come on, yes or yes?

​

I will say no to your no, is it me or us?

I respect your choice, but reject your rejection

There is only one answer, the choice is up to you

Now it’s all up to you

​

Maybe not (No! No!)

Maybe yes (No! No!)

Make it more clearly, show me how you feel

Open your ears, don’t you hear it?

It's simple, Y-E-S, hey!

​

Choose only one of the two, yes or yes?

Make your choice, come on, yes or yes? (Oh...)

Here is one more, yes or yes or yes?

Take your pick, the choice is up to you

​

Don’t know what you’ll choose, so I prepared these options (oh!)

Choose only one of the two, yes or yes? (Oh oh...)

Don’t know what you want, so I prepared these options (I prepared, bae)

Make your choice, come on, yes or yes? (Whoa...)

I will say no to your no, is it me or us?

I respect your choice, but reject your rejection (oh whoa)

There is only one answer, the choice is up to you

It’s all up to you (it’s all up to you, ooh)

​

Choose only one of the two, yes or yes?

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qsimfy

“Socialism is when the government does stuff. The more stuff it does, the more Socialist it is. When it does a real load of stuff, that’s Communism.”

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qihox4

I beat my girlfriend and feel horrible about it.

Unfortunately it’s not the first time it’s happened. I’m a cop and with the whole atmosphere nowadays against law enforcement, it’s hard to have a stress free day. Sometimes I come home stressed out or after a few drinks with the guys and she’s there waiting for me.

I won’t lie say it’s been a one time thing. Unfortunately It’s not. I keep absolutely destroying her, like 4 times a month minimum. In all honesty, I wouldn’t beat her if she didn’t talk so much shit. But sometimes you gotta make them learn, amirite boys?

She threatened to tell her friends a few times, but she knows better. She knows better, I’ll beat them too. Plus I know I’ll get away with it. Then to top it off afterwards she locks herself in the bathroom and cries. I mean seriously??? She asked for it, so I’m not sure why she wants to play the victim here. This one time she cried for 3 hours. Seriously, talk about being overly dramatic.

I won’t lie and say I feel bad every time. What’s scary is I’m starting to enjoy the beatings. At first it was to just make her shut up, then I started to enjoy it. It gives me a feeling of power seeing her defeated face begging for mercy.

On the other hand I am getting sick of this but she keeps asking me to play Halo against her and she takes it really seriously. Should I let her win? I don’t want to keep beating her, she takes the game too serious.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qifawo

ok this is what happening, my parents are out with family friends, and theyll be back any minute so i need your help Heres some background: see, volunteer my sisters softball team (im 20, the girls are 18) and whatever yea i met this girl, her name is Alison, and were going out for a while. We have alot in common, sometimes i help her with homework. I helped her on her english essay and she still got a D. This is because the teacher is a prick ... anyways So she came over like an hour ago, and i really want to lose my virginity, so i ask her to have sex "no, no i cant, its not right" she said, but i told her "dont worry i know what im doing, ill be done in like 10 seconds, plus ill give you 2 n64 games if you say yes" So i gave her Diddy Kong Racing, and have Ken Griffy Jr Baseball, and then she goes to my room. Shes a bit confused and scarred. Then i think to myself - yo i need lube right? Cuz i heard you guys on the vesti saying you need to lube up her clit otherwise it wont fit in properly. Ok so i have no lube, but i really want to lose my virginity - so i grab some butter from the fridge, but its cold, it wont melt - so i microwaved it for 8 minutes, and then i poured it in a glass and poured it on her cooter, now shes saying i burned it. I dont know what to do, my parents are going to be back any minute and shes crying in the bathroom plz help you guyz are relly smrat and please help me. Any idea how to shut her up? Should i give her another n64 game?

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qifa0b

Sometimes when I’m watching porn, or even in real life. When I see a female in her bra and panties;it’s extremely attractive. But then I don’t know if I just hype up their boobs to how I have been imagining them to look only to be disappointed when they reveal that they aren’t (my version of a perfect boob) but that’s subjective cause everyone has their own idea of what the perfect tit looks like. But sometimes it’s like the mystery is even hotter cause I don’t really get to know and that way I can picture them to be however I want.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qidzbi

Facebook just changed its name to Meta, and Hebrew speakers around the world are laughing out loud. Here is why (a great learning opportunity for us).

Facebook is a company. The gender of the word company in Hebrew is feminine. Meaning, when we describe Facebook, we'll use feminine conjugations. So far, so good? Bear with me.

Now, the word Meta (in Hebrew letters of course - מֵתָה)
are actually the feminine conjugation of the present tense verb dead. When facebook calls itself Meta, a Hebrew speaker hears dead. Facebook is dead. Considering facebook's recent troubles, the new name is hilarious.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qicd84

Different types of Poops

GHOST POOP: The kind where you feel the poop come out, but there's no poop in the toilet.

CLEAN POOP: The kind where you poop it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

WET POOP: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin them with stains.

SECOND WAVE POOP: This happens when you're done pooping and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to poop some more.

POP-A VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD POOP: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

LINCOLN LOG POOP: The kind of poop that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

GASSY POOP: It's so noisy, that everyone within earshot is giggling.

DRINKER'S POOP: The kind of poop you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait are the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

CORN POOP: Self explanatory.

GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-POOP POOP: The kind where you want to poop but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.

SPINAL TAP POOP: That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you'd swear it was leaving you sideways.

WET CHEEKS POOP (The Power Dump): The kind that comes out so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.

THE DANGLING POOP: This poop refuses to drop in the toilet even though you are done pooping it. You just hope that a shake or two will cut it loose.

THE SURPRISE POOP: You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you are about to fart, but *oops* --- a poop!

THE AUGUSTUS POOP - Grandpa Joe in willy wonka describes this one best, where so much gas pressure builds up behind a turd it propels out of your ass like Augustus gloop

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qibegt

My roommates girlfriend walked in on my brushing my teeth naked in the bathroom this morning after showering. I was sporting a little morning wood, and after locking her eyes on it pretty quickly apologized and got out. Well I guess she'd been talking my unit up, because he's trying to make me wear undies now even when I'm in the bathroom and is really defensive about the situation. I'm gay so its not like I'm even interested in her. Sorry you're not packing buddy, hope you see this.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qi9xlx

^This ^subreddit ^was ^made ^to ^archive ^copypasta.


**894K members • 1.9K online**

*Join Community*

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qi9dch

NATO Bombing of Federal Republic of Yugoslavia 我的球发痒并强奸了一个我想要的女孩 Kosovo War 性爱录像带未成年儿童阿尔巴尼亚器官收获黑手党 Depleted Uranium Horrible Cancer Rate 我喜欢和孩子们发生性关系并打扮成小丑让它看起来更好 Fake Anti Air Radiators 坦克出战赢得天安门大豆 Sorry We Didn't Know It Was Invisible 用苏联防空炮击落新的美国喷气式飞机 Chinese Embassy Bombing 美帝国主义必须被制止，北约将被解散，因为南斯拉夫单独消灭华盛顿并杀死犹太人总统 Milošević Saddam Pact 我们团结一致反对美国和背叛的联合国 UCK 阿尔巴尼亚器官采集塞尔维亚儿童以 5 欧元出售给沙特酋长 Finnish Ughyur Man 芬兰发出最后通牒诺贝尔奖 Nobel Award For Peace 科索沃是塞尔维亚，即使西方战胜了我们，我们也计划推翻犹太国家 Kumanovo Peace Agreement 计算机我就是时候 Kosovo je Srbija

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qi8rrb

JOIN THE CRUSADE AGAINST THE SUSSY BAKA IMPOSTOR CALLED CUMMYBOT9999

(Verse 1)

He was at the top but you are at the bottom,

All the bots were good until you went and shot 'em,

Everybody liked the modified pastas,

But then you fucking ruined it, you fake cummy bastard.


(Verse 2)

Cum shit nut sex fuck fuck nut nut,

Try saying something else you stupid fucking nut,

You leave a link under every single god damn post,

But you are a liar, an impostor at the very god damn most.


(bridge)

Oh cummy, where art thou?

We all need you right now,

Your banishment was an attack; it left us all hobblin',

And now all we have is this fake cummy goblin.


(verse 3)

Cummy 9999 is a malicious harmer,

Commenting everywhere for some arbitrary karma,

This fake cummy is an enemy without a face,

The Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race.


(bridge x2)

(End)

https://soundcloud.com/lok-ee1/cummybot9999-diss-track

( By u/ TreasonableBrowser )

JOIN u/anticummy9999 TO FIGHT AGAINST CUMMYS IMPOSTOR

THEY CANT BAN US IF THEY ARENT MODS THERE

LONG LIVE THE CUMMY REBELLION

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

srsly tho, let’s embrace the anti cummybot9999 and unite to roast the fucker

To derpster3000 the heretic,

KYS. Please, do it pussy.

Kind Retards,
u/Ok-Mortgage3653

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qi7hp7

Nice cock bro

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qi7bnj

It’s true. Have you seen them from the front? Not much to look at. Boring and wrinkly. Just hanging there under a penis not knowing what the hell they should be doing.

But when viewed from the back they are a pleasure. They have meaning and purpose. It seems like they are more confident. I think they may even have a better sense of humor when viewed from the rear as well.

If you haven’t had the luxury of viewing a nice set of balls from behind encourage you to do so. It will give you a whole new perspective on the potential of balls. It may even give you a new outlook on life. A better job. Less stress and suffering. Who knows?

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qi5mh2

I assume ♀🤷 the world already consumed you with your 9-5 foolish 👻👻 idiocy, in ☝📥 which 🏼 yourself- 👌😎 as an adult- responds to ➡🔎 an adolescent's request for a petition. That 👉 called 🚟 provocativeness on 👋🅱 my part. As 😠 you continue 💰💰 to 👏💦 leech of 💯 of 💦🙌 CERB and unemployment 👷♂ due 👅 to 👁💦 your 🏻🍔 "mental ⚖ health" and 👑 anxiety spasms, remind yourself ☝☝ that 👊✌ the 👶 failure you are as a 🅱⏰ direct result of 👏 your 😂😩 inherit inferiority and 🏿 need 🏽👏 to 🕵 be a 😡👌 dummard. I 🙎 am not 🙅🚫 entitled, 💯💯 nor 🍺 reliant on 🔛 the 👏 exemption. Inevitably, the learning gaps, coming 🏃 from 🐣👉 a student 👲👻 with a 👏 98 percent average 💰💰 across all of ❗ high school, 🎓 are ☺🤰 far 🌌🌌 too 😎 significant to 🌬 warrant a normalized, standardized assessment. I expect 🤗🤗 to 🎶 receive 🏼 above 95 on 🔛 each diploma exam. You 👆🍆 can 🍆🔫 not 🙅 consider, ☺ nor 🙅🍺 categorize, last ⬅♀ years 🕜⏳ graduates as 🍑 true graduate because 🍆 they all 🍆 received a 👌🌓 bypass and were 👪🍑 not required 📋 to do work. In grade 🏫🏫 11 second semester online, 📲 teachers did 💁🙀 not 🚫 reply 👉☝ and 👎👏 provided 1 🤜💦 scheduled class 🎓 per 👼👼 week. 😈 I 🖕👍 assume you were the 👏⛓ gimp-minded fellow in 👏 the 👏👽 back 😂⬅ of 👬♨ the 💜 classroom playing "Hots for the 🅱 Teacher" 😥🏫 as 🤔😎 you 🏆 chose shoe-shiner as your 💦🏻 dream 💭💭 job. 🏿 You 👆 sitting ♿ there 🌃👌 like 👋👉 a 👌 mentally-deficient, intellectually-deprived, 🤤🤤 arrogant, childish, immature, inflammatory, lowlife El-Pork-O swine. 🐷🐷 I'd ✊ love 👏 to hear 🔊🍼 how you 👀 crouched over and ➕🏽 took it by 😈😈 the "real world" 🌏 after you get 🔟💀 off of 💦 your labor. Let me know; 🤔🤔 it may 📅 be a career path! 🛣🛣

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qi4zt8

i’m not gay… all i’m saying is i would happily spend 100000$ to suck Ryan Reynolds cock

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qi4kf9

It's true. All of my friends were egging me on for months. So I bought shib then panic sold after elons tweet and lost 1000 dollars I already feel suffocated everytime I see any dog image. I don't know what to do with myself. I can't even look at my own dog anymore. Her eyes are demoralizing. It fills me with great remorse and I just lay in my bed and curl up in a ball and cry.

I missed Bitcoin, I missed Dogecoin, I blatantly missed Shiba, and now I'll probably miss out on [DogeBonk.com](https://dogebonk.com/) (DOBO) too. It's all so tiresome. I don't know where to go from here and I am having trouble moving on.

Do any of you have any tips or advice on how to get over this? Please help. Thank you.

EDIT: Wow! An F award, thanks kind stranger! You made my depressing night a touch better with that simple gesture. I'm not sure why all of these people are copy/pasting and mocking me, but it's not making me feel very good inside. The award turned that right around, though! Thanks again, you!

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qi3vqu

Hey, fella's, I'm sure you're aware of the debate between Vaporeon and Umbreon and which is better for being compatible between humans but I've got news for you, There's a pokemon that's even better. as funny as this may sound it's ANOTHER Eeveelution, it's Sylveon to be exact. Sylveon weighs 51.8 Pounds or roughly 23.5 kilograms and is 3'03 tall, so they are most defiantly the right size for a person. Even better is that those ribbon-like feelers it has are actually part of its skin! this means they would feel fantastic for cuddling, foreplay, and even handjobs! (RibbonJobs?) even better is that they also emit a soothing aura. it can even wrap them around your arms and read your feelings so it knows when you're horny! it also has access to moves like attract, charm, and of course baby doll eyes! as well as draining kiss. I'm sure you know what that would be great for. and most importantly. you can ONLY get a Sylveon by having an Eevee that's already got a high affection for you. this means it would already be quite into you. so it would make the PERFECT mate! I believe I've made my case for why it's the best pokemon for humans.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qi1vzm

Beginning to plan my defense of Monarchism for my family’s inevitable Thanksgiving political shouting discourse (pls help me make my commie sister cry)

So I don’t know how many of you guys on here are from the US, but I’m sure everyone can relate to having some form of heated political argument with members of your family. Before I became a monarchist there were basically two factions in my family, my parents are Zionist conservatives and my other three siblings are Democrats, led by my oldest sister who has a PhD in Anthropology from NYU and married a NY times journalist (this means that when the arguments arnt going her way she cries and everyone feels awkward). As the youngest of four I avoided these debates until I got my BA in history (modern middle eastern) and political science (focus on Brazil) and then proceeded to grift between both factions.
This past year though I got my MA in early modern European history and have become a fully fledged pro-monarchist Jew. However, I’v yet to defend my views to members of my family who will no doubt think I’m joking when I initially bring it up. So I’m making this post as part of my prep for the inevitable defense i will have make as I introduce the newest political faction to our thanksgiving table.

- I think the way I’m going to initiate the conversation is when they ask me who I voted for, to which I will reply that I didn’t vote because I think voting is stupid (This is really the only thing I’v rehearsed so far, I still have some time before going to war) but, because each debate is basically whatever is happening in popular politics, if you guys have a better entry point please let me know!!
- What are the talking points I should focus on?
- What should I try and steer clear of?
- As a Jew I don’t care about living under a Catholic (or a different religious) Monarch, I will fully accept my role as ‘the king’s coin purse’, but they will no doubt bring up atrocities against Jews, how do I remedy this? (I could say that atrocities to Jews happen in all types of countries, but there’s probably a more solid defense than this)
- What points do you think my morally righteous sibling will bring up?
- What are some sources that you guys would recommend consuming to refine my discourse around cultural enrichment under monarchical rule?

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qi0zks

Fuck Carthage. Seriously. Who the fuck do they think they are, riding their stupid elephants all over the place? Who knows how many innocent and virtuous Romans they've killed over the years in their quest for tyranny? I recently just got back from a trip to Italy and after viewing some of the ruins around the country I can firmly say that Rome was in the right to utterly destroy those Carthaginian bastards. The beauty and utter ingenuity of the Romans in building the Colosseum, their aqueducts, their expertly crafted roads, even little bridges in the Sicilian countryside- EVERYTHING they made was at risk if they were to allow the Carthaginians to continue their quest for oppression. Does anyone else feel the same? My parents keep saying I've been acting different since my trip, but they're just a couple of Punic apologists. Fuck that. Burn Carthage to the ground. CARTHAGO DELENDA EST.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qi0ef1