You shat yourself in 7th grade during a presentation?

That isn't even as bad this time I experienced in 9th grade. My class was lined up and I thought my friend was in front of me so I slapped his ass as a joke. When he turned around, it turns out he wasn't my friend, nor a male. I had accidentally slapped my teacher's ass. I tried to explain myself but the only thing that could come out of my mouth was "I thought you were a guy", which made things even worse.

But then my teacher yelled "GUACAMOLE NIGGA PENIS". That's when I realized I wasn't in 9th grade at all. I was Hiro, sitting inside the cockpit of a FRANXX and Zero Two was sitting on my face farting down my throat.

Credit:u/iSniffZeroTwoFarts

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qfius6

And now it’s time for everyone’s favorite part… Just in case there still remains that one person who, inexplicably, is reading these blog articles without watching Megamind: SPOILER WARNING!

It’s safe to say that we’re all well aware Megamind is an extraterrestrial. (And if you’re not, wow, have you ever come to the wrong post! Hahaha!) That means a lot of things for the beloved blue villain-turned-hero, but one consideration that is never openly addressed in the film is exactly what that means for him living on Earth. Obviously, we know the poor fellow was ostracized due to his appearance, but what about beyond that? How similar was Megamind’s home world to our own? And what difficulties might he face dwelling here instead? The fan theories abound and they do not disappoint! Let’s take a look.

Similarities

Before we get started, it’s important to note that, while there may be some things that Megamind would find very different from the place he spent the first eight days of his life, many things would likely be the same. One reason we can presume this is because Megamind and Metroman’s families both sent them to Earth. It’s logical that space-faring races would have some knowledge of other inhabitable worlds, and would choose one as close to their native environment as possible. That certainly seems to be the case here: Megamind has not trouble breathing Earth’s air, and Minion has no difficulties in its water.

Another reason is a little more complex, however: there are likely universal building blocks necessary for life and common traits required for building technology that would ensure Megamind’s species was similar to our own in a variety of ways. According to Insider, scientists have hypothesized that technologically-advanced extraterrestrials would need to have dexterous fingers and apposable thumbs, forward facing eyes capable of judging distances and located close to the brain for quick information relay, the ability to walk on land (and thus develop rocket propulsion systems,) etc. Evolutionary expert Richard Dawkins added weight to this idea by explaining that there are certain things needed for developing life anywhere, such as DNA and protein, so we can assume that Megamind’s genetic and chemical makeup would be extremely similar to our own. All of this indicates that much about Earth would be familiar and comfortable for the blue man, but this does not mean there might not also be challenges.

Environment

So what might those challenges be? Firstly, as I’ve mentioned before in Megamind’s Anatomy, there is some evidence that the Blue Defender’s people may have been semi-aquatic. (Some even suggest that our favorite alien might have a dipnoan-like respiratory system involving both gills and lungs.) In the movie, Megamind’s planet is blue, which may indicate a large percentage of the surface being covered by water. (Another fan theory supposes that the reason the landscape in the brief scene on his home planet appears to be all metal is because it is, in fact, an underwater facility.) Megamind’s parents, when choosing a care taker for their infant, selected a fish, which could hint that they anticipated their son spending a lot of time beneath the waves. Similarly, his kind have blue skin, comparable in color to some species of fish on this planet, as well as green or brown eyes. Interestingly, these same colors can be seen in Minion as well, possibly meaning that both were adapted for camouflage in the same environment.

Thus, one of the first difficulties Megamind could face living on Earth is the tendency of other people around him to live almost exclusively on land. (If he is, indeed, made to be as much in the water as on the ground, his childhood in prison would have undoubtedly been even more difficult.) It’s possible that a need to regularly indulge in a swim could be one reason why his Lair appears to be right on the bank of Lake Michigan. Indeed, this semi-aquatic nature could also be why Megamind seems to prefer his Lair to be kept cold and damp, as Minion states in the film. It’s possible that the blue man’s skin dries out much faster than our own.

Microbes

Secondly, there are unseen factors to consider, and I mean that literally. What microbes would have been on Megamind’s planet, and how different would they be from our own? It’s not something we, as ordinary people, often think about, but in reality the risk is great enough that there are entire teams of scientists whose jobs involve thinking about little else. NASA’s Office of Safety and Mission Assurance (OSMA) has a Planetary Protection strategy for exactly this reason. The regulations include stringent sanitation procedures to prevent “backwards contamination of Earth” by bioactive molecules or perhaps even microbes returning to our planet along with samples or equipment, as well as categorizations of planets based on the contamination risks that our own visitations might someday pose. The highest risk category of planets, Category 4, are those which might support life, and thus might be irrevocably harmed if we accidentally introduced microbes from Earth.

You may ask why any of that matters when we’re discussing a fictional movie. Well, the fact is that Megamind takes place in a reality much like our own, in a city located in the U.S., so it is reasonable to presume that similar concerns might be at play. Indeed, it’s quite possible that both Megamind and Metroman would have been more susceptible to illnesses common here on Earth, having likely never developed immunity to them, and the mere fact that both not only survived but thrived speaks to their adaptability and resilience. Even so, it may be that, perhaps, this is something Megamind has to be careful about, and he might even take regular precautions to prevent infection.

I’ve heard it suggested that this could even be one reason both extraterrestrials wear gloves almost all the time, although I feel it should be noted that that is also a common feature of superhero/villain attire in general. (But then, think about how many comic book characters hail from different planets… It’s not inconceivable that the two are connected.) There is, however, another more credible fan theory that also points toward possible health safety measures.

When Megamind dons the Black Mamba, we see that it is retrieved from what appears to be a technologically-advanced, air-tight, brightly lit containment unit. Some fans believe that this is actually a sanitation facility using UV light and ultraviolet radiation to decontaminate his clothing, which would mean that laundering his garments, as we see Minion doing in the bonus scene during the credits, is deemed insufficient. If this theory is correct, it could mean that Megamind needs to be cautious of some of Earth’s microbes.


However, once more there is a possible alternative explanation: Megamind does, after all, work with some potentially dangerous materials and chemicals, and a sterilization/decontamination system is something anyone would expect to see in places like laboratories or nuclear facilities. (This is pure speculation, but for all we know, maybe he has another different unit to sanitize his person and clothing immediately after working with certain substances.) So, if the Black Mamba’s containment unit is, indeed, for sterilization purposes, it could be for everyone else’s benefit rather than his alone, or it could even be a combination of the two. Fanfiction and fanart creators can take that idea in whatever direction they choose.

Allergies

During a discussion on the Megamind Discord with CrazyDreamer6, the concept arose that Megamind, being from another planet, could be more susceptible to Earth’s allergens than many humans. In fact, this could be one reason why he chooses to have his dog-like brainbots rather than simply bio-engineering dogs for higher intelligence. (Indeed, ThatFilthyAnimal, Setepenre-Set, and others in the fandom have suggested that the organic components of Megamind’s cyborgs come from dogs who were either euthanized by animal shelters or too badly injured by cars, etc., to be saved. By making them brainbots, the blue man gave them a second chance at some sort of life as well as affection. For more on that, feel free to read the post Megamind’s Inventions.) The point is that there’s a possibility Megamind chose to create cyborgs rather than, say, stealing rescuing dogs from kill shelters and giving them bio-engineered enhancements because he is allergic to them. It makes sense, as the latter option would have kept the poor animals truly alive and would have arguably been easier, so there must have been a good reason to choose the second instead.

If he really is allergic, this could account for why, in the comic book series Bad Blue Brilliant, Megamind is so firmly set against Minion getting a dog. However, in the same comics, when the blue man finds a dog mutated by contact with some sort of cosmic microbes or radiation so that, apparently, it no longer bothers him, he dotes on it. All I can say is that, if this fan theory is correct, I agree with CrazyDreamer6: as Megamind is now a hero, his allergies might make rescuing cats from trees extremely interesting. I hope Minion has lots of Benadryl ready!

Gravity

Even if Megamind’s home planet was similar in many ways to our own, a difference in size or makeup could mean a significant difference in gravity. Several fans have suggested that the gravitational pull of the earth might give the blue man trouble. It’s even suggested that Megamind’s full-body, clearly technologically-advanced suits may help him deal with the different gravity on this planet. That makes perfect sense, as we can hardly expect the gravity on an alien world to be exactly the same as our own. The question is: would the gravity of Megamind’s original planet be more or less than that of Earth?

Many have speculated that the answer is “less,” and that’s certainly a valid fan theory. Is there a way to determine whether it’s the most likely, however? Let’s consider the possibilities. There may be some tendency, at least initially, to draw a correlation between the idea of Megamind’s home world having weaker gravity and the aforementioned supposition about his planet being largely covered in water. After all, stone is denser than water so a watery planet should have less gravity, right?

Nope.

Unfortunately for Physics 101 students everywhere, it’s not a simple as that. While it’s true that density could be argued to be indirectly related to gravity insofar as it is the ratio of mass of any given unit of matter, and mass itself governs the response of an object under the influence of gravity, gravity is certainly not ruled by density. According to NASA, gravity can be defined as “the gravitational acceleration on the surface at the equator in meters per second squared or feet per second squared, including the effects of rotation.” In the interest of making calculations easier, many choose to measure gravity as a consistent 9.81 meters per second squared, but I’m afraid that’s not entirely accurate either. Different materials, topography, mass, etc. all influence the gravitational pull of a planet. So, whether or not Megamind’s home world had more or less gravity than earth would depend on several factors we simply don’t know.

Although it’s certainly not the only consideration to examine where gravity is concerned—and, in fact, can be misleading depending on mass and makeup—we can at least make a vague guess at the size of Megamind’s home planet. In the film, we see it nearing a black hole, and, although it could have been thousands of kilometers away when the first affects of spaghettification began, depending upon the black hole itself, we can roughly get an idea of the planet in relation to both its doom and Metroman’s home world.

It’s a little hard to judge the distance, but Megamind’s planet appears to be slightly smaller than Metroman’s, but still relatively good sized in comparison with, well, the end of that world. The question, of course, is: exactly how big is a black hole? The answer, unfortunately, is that it could be any size. Seriously. Theoretically, anything compressed into a dense enough mass could be a black hole, even if that meant it became a fraction of the size of a grain of salt. However, a black hole so tiny would probably disappear in seconds due to Hawking radiation, which explains why most of the black holes that manage to stick around are pretty freaking huge.

So, just for the sake of argument, let’s say that the black hole that destroyed Megamind’s home world was about the size of Sagittarius A, the one at the center of our own Milky Way Galaxy. Astrophysicists estimate that Sagittarius A is about 12,700,000 km in diameter, roughly about 2,000 times the diameter of Earth’s equator. This would mean that, looking at it compared with the black hole in the movie, Megamind’s planet appears to be significantly larger than our own. That’s not a guarantee of anything—again, there are a lot of other factors to consider where gravity is concerned—but it does increase the possibility that gravity on Megamind’s planet may have actually been significantly stronger than our own.

Still, if the makeup of that planet was far different, that hypothesis would completely fall apart, and gravity here could easily be the more powerful of the two. (For example, the radius of Jupiter is 10.8 times that of Earth, while its density is only about 1.4 times greater. Its mass, however,is a stunning 318 times that of our own planet. So clearly size can’t necessarily be trusted as an accurate measurement for, well, anything else where alien worlds are concerned.) However, assuming that Megamind’s world was of similar construction and makeup as our own—which seems likely as it was habitated by people who would be able to breathe our atmosphere, drink our water, and consume foods native to this planet—we can reasonably guess that the gravity there may have been more intense than what we ourselves experience.

That doesn’t mean that the former supervillain wouldn’t have trouble, however, nor does it mean that he might not have some sort of technology in his suits to help him along. We know that humans exposed to low gravity for long periods of time experience muscular atrophy, loss of bone density, and other problems. It’s possible that, despite being raised here and therefore somewhat accustomed to Earth’s gravity, Megamind may have to work that much harder to keep his strength up and his bones strong. On the plus side, however, lower gravity than what he’s built for may be why he easily can jump and bounce around so much.

Nutrition

This will be a short one, I promise, if for no other reason than that it’s already been partially covered in the post Megamind’s Anatomy. Multiple fan theories have arisen suggesting that the blue alien has dietary needs different from our own. The first is fairly obvious: Megamind consumes—and probably requires—a lot of sugar. Indeed, the only food we see him with in the movie are donuts and churros, so there is certainly some support for this idea.

The suppositions don’t stop there, however! Fans have suggested that Megamind may need and crave anything from foods that seem vaguely strange to us, such as raw eggs and peppers high in capsaicin, to substances dangerous to us such as arsenic. Given that, even here on Earth, there are different species that can eat things we can’t, this theory is completely viable. However, beyond the consumption of sugar, we have no evidence from the movie of that. (We can, however, see in the official comics that Minion enjoys both mill worms and Asian noodles, so anything is possible.)

And there you have it: several fan theories pertaining to the difficulties Megamind might face living on our planet! While there is little support from the film for most of these, they certainly are interesting and serve to further round out the character. At any rate, the fact that so many people have put so much thought into these idea is proof of just how much fans love both the movie and its protagonist. Perhaps, if we ever get to see a second Megamind movie, we may just learn whether some of these theories are correct! Until then, however, we can count on fans’ intelligence and creativity to keep us well supplied with new ideas concerning our favorite blue alien.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qfhazp

don't care + didn't ask + ratio + skill issue + cope harder + seethe + mald + backpilled + counter ratio + blocked + cry about it + blocked

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qffu5w

Not funny I didn’t laugh. Your joke is so bad I would have preferred the joke went over my head and you gave up re-telling me the joke. To be honest this is a horrid attempt at trying to get a laugh out of me. Not a chuckle, not a hehe, not even a subtle burst of air out of my esophagus. Science says before you laugh your brain preps your face muscles but I didn’t even feel the slightest twitch. 0/10 this is so bad I cannot believe anyone legally allowed you to be creative at all. The amount of brain power you must have put into that joke has the potential to power every house on Earth. Get a personality and learn how to make jokes, read a book. I’m not saying this to be funny I generally mean it on how this is just bottom barrel embarrassment at comedy. You’ve single handedly killed humor and every comedic act on the planet. I’m so disappointed that society has failed as a whole on being able to teach you how to be funny. Honestly if I put in all my power and time to try and make your joke funny it would require Einstein himself to build a device to strap me into so I can be connected to the energy of a billion stars to do it, and even then all that joke would get from people is a subtle scuff. You’re lucky I still have the slightest of empathy for you after telling that joke otherwise I would have committed every war crime in the book just to prevent you from attempting any humor ever again. We should put that joke in textbooks for future generations can be wary of becoming such an absolute comedic failure. I’m disappointed, hurt, and outright offended that my precious time has been wasted in my brain understanding that joke. In the time I took I was planning on helping kids who have been orphaned, but because of that you’ve wasted my time explaining the obscene integrity of your terrible attempt at comedy. Now those kids are suffering without meals and there’s nobody to blame but you. I hope you’re happy with what you’ve done and I truly hope you can move on and learn from this piss poor attempt.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qffi8g

I've been shaving my body from last 4-5 years. I'll mention what I follow :-

(Do all this with **warm water.** Cold water would tighten your pores and won't give the comfortable finish)

**LEGS 🦵🏻 -** Firstly, trim your hair using a electric body trimmer for a faster and easier shaving process. Rinse the hair and apply the shaving gel and create lather. Let it sit on for 30s to make the skin soft and hydrated. **DO NOT go against the grain on your thighs** ! I have done this in the past and it gives so much bumps and itchyness. Follow your natural hair growth and shave in that. Below the knees, you can go against the grain by just sliding the razor from up to down at first then down to up.

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**BUTTOCKS 🍑 -** I don't like to use a trimmer to cut any excess hair as the skin over there might get agitated and create bumps later. Shaving procedure remains the same. The way I do it is I **stand in front of mirror and then shave by my instinct and then twist to see if everything's clear** (sounds funny lol because it is🥲😂).

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**NEAR THE HOLE 🍩-** Very sensitive area and you have to go much slowly and not overdo or repeat the strokes. **For this, I usually do this after I finish my shower, I lie on my back and then spread my legs (like missionary position) and get a clear look of the centre and then watch in the mirror as I shave**. Again, a bit hard to do but works well after some practice :)

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**CHEST AND BELLY🤰🏻 -** Use a trimmer on dry skin and trim all your hair well and good till the base. I sometimes prefer this as it gets the job done of smoothening. But if opting for shaving, the process remains the same. But *you may get an itch or redness for 2-3 days after you shave* against the grain. **DON'T** itch it a lot or else it will worsen the skin.

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**ARMPITS AND DICKY 🍆-** follow the same procedure as trimming longer hair, lathering and shaving with and then against the grain but very gently. This region also has very soft skin which may get irritated or cut fast so...make sure to take your time and lather enough!

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Get yourself nice and cleansed in the shower but my recommendation would be **not use any bodywash or soap the same day** as these consists of chemicals which may cause irritation to the shaved area. So, I just **use a loofah sponge** and gently, under the warm shower, start swirling it around in circulation motion all over my body. This is called **exfoliation and is important to avoid bumpyness and dry dead skin left on the body** :) it *really* works!

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After the shower, **use a moisturizer with less fragrance and no parabens** preferably (I use **Calosoft and Hymos lotion** as suggested by my dermat). Drop **2-3 drops of Tea Tree Essential Oil** in your moisturiser to avoid any acne/buttne on your skin :) (this can be optional as tea tree oil might be strong for some skin)

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**Optional pro-tip** : Your feet are as cute as your body :'D so make sure you prep the toes, nails and soles well. The same moisturiser works! But if you want the **skin to remain soft and supple, grab an ice cube and slowly rub it before sleeping to increase circulation and make them pink and soft naturally** 🦶🏻)

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**Clean/change your bedsheet that particular day** as your bedsheet may have dirt or bacteria which might irritate or cause skin to get infected due to open pores after shaving.

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**GOT A CUT WHILE SHAVING🥺😱!!** No need to panic at all :) We've all been there! I've cut myself a few times and it's mostly either because I wasn't lathered and relaxed the skin enough or it was an area where I am not able to see clearly hence, my instincts go wrong :/ In such a case, **immediately stop shaving that area and just sit or have that area rinsed in warm shower. If you're bleeding, keep washing it until bleeding stops. Finish your shower and gently apply an antiseptic in a cotton ball (ouch😣but it's going to save you😄)! And throw that particular blade and get a new one!** After that, make sure atleast for a day not to irritate or rub the area by anything! Small cuts heal in a day :)

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Hope this helps to you all❤️ Any suggestions or questions from other people are most welcome in the comments :'D!

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qfdpuu

Sometimes, cum dries in the tip of your dick. So you go to the bathroom like normal, only the blockage has the same effect as holding your thumb over a hose, so your stream is split into two and— despite being properly aimed— the larger stream is hitting the wall and the lesser stream is hitting your foot, and you adjust your aim to stop hitting the wall. That’s the point where the blockage clears, but you’re pointed in the wrong direction and also manage to spray the bottom of the lid before you realize your mistake. If you get jumpy during the incident, you bobble your junk around and make an even bigger mess.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qfcyjr

Because all your thinking and ideology is so predictable. You're quite literally NPCs to me. This both amuses and saddens me. Anything that conforms to current shallow, progressive, and quite frankly retarded sentiments will be praised, especially by beta males hoping that if they simp hard enough a blue haired progressive woman might touch their peepees. It happens quite literally everytime. If this were a typical, and by the way, astronomically statistically more accurate relationship no one would give a solitary fuck. No one would declare they want to watch a show about a male football player and his cheerleading girlfriend. This is a flash in the pan irregularity. Neither of these girls will amount to much in their sport. Women cannot compete with men in equal leagues, especially in contact sports. Honestly that young woman is taking a risk in her shoes wouldn't take. All you simps will gish over this until she does get hurt, then like Homer Simpson you'll fade into the bushes and disappear. Happens every time. I don't really care about these girls, but I take issue with those using them as a cudgel for their ideology. But I doubt you'll either A, believe me, or B, actually stop to think about this. You'll continue to simp and cuck and make an absolute fool of yourselves. And I will be there to laugh. Every. Damn. Time.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qfcj17

(inspired by this video: https://youtu.be/owBhCgqGrS0)


1. What just happened
What you just posted was so bizzare and stupid that my hairline crawled back and i want to, well, die. The reason for that mistake of a post is your brain. You may see yourself as a galaxy brain "meme wizard" and the greatest "Scheißeposter" of all time but if we were to cut you in half and see what's inside we would find that you mostly consist of a strange matter of sorts composed of dead skin cells, anime, dead memes and extra virgin(oil). The world is a big clown car, and you are one of the clowns in it. In the future, you should favor the non-shit ideas, or i may explode.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qfc8el

Ok, here's the real story that they won't tell you in school. Up until 1964 there was a country, to the north of the US, called Canada. But when the US got into the space race with the USSR, NASA started to devise the Moon Landing conspiracy. NASA knew it was impossible to put men on the moon but wanted everyone to believe we did it. They needed a desolate place to film the fake moon landing and realized the Canadan tundra would work. So, they methodically removed all the people from Canada and moved them to Mexico. It took a few years. Then in 1969, NASA was free to film the moon landing in Canada and fool the world. 
Only problem, the Canadians want to go back home now. They are disquused as Mexicans and keep trying to get home by crossing the border betw Mexico and the US and going north from there. Sadly, the US gov thinks they are illegal immigrants and keeps sending them back to Mexico. 
So, there you go. The REAL story of Canada and the US immigration problem.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qfannv

A moth goes into a podiatrist’s office, and the podiatrist’s office says, “What seems to be the problem, moth?”

The moth says “What’s the problem? Where do I begin, man? I go to work for Gregory Illinivich, and all day long I work. Honestly doc, I don’t even know what I’m doing anymore. I don’t even know if Gregory Illinivich knows. He only knows that he has power over me, and that seems to bring him happiness. But I don’t know, I wake up in a malaise, and I walk here and there… at night I…I sometimes wake up and I turn to some old lady in my bed that’s on my arm. A lady that I once loved, doc. I don’t know where to turn to. My youngest, Alexendria, she fell in the…in the cold of last year. The cold took her down, as it did many of us. And my other boy, and this is the hardest pill to swallow, doc. My other boy, Gregarro Ivinalititavitch… I no longer love him. As much as it pains me to say, when I look in his eyes, all I see is the same cowardice that I… that I catch when I take a glimpse of my own face in the mirror. If only I wasn’t such a coward, then perhaps…perhaps I could bring myself to reach over to that cocked and loaded gun that lays on the bedside behind me and end this hellish facade once and for all…Doc, sometimes I feel like a spider, even though I’m a moth, just barely hanging on to my web with an everlasting fire underneath me. I’m not feeling good. And so the doctor says, “Moth, man, you’re troubled. But you should be seeing a psychiatrist. Why on earth did you come here?”

And the moth says, “‘Cause the light was on.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qfamae

Everyone wants a taste of some teen pu55y and rich folks like politicians or celebrities easily get some but they shut other down via law or religion.

Men wants to enjoy the young side too, the ones who don’t are living in denial, but its impossible if you don’t got the right privilege.

So, they should made sex toys similar to young girls body anatomy like 12-14 years, so people can enjoy the joy of f*cking a teen without crossing the line and
harming others.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qf97nq

My computer has a low end graphics card (GT 1030) inside, the render speeds of the card is a joke, it renders slower than even my laptop’s 5th gen intel cpu. My friends laughed at me for having a GT 1030. Every other people has a better graphics card even the ones that don’t know much about computers. One of my friends talk behind my back about my GT 1030. But one day I got another higher end graphics card and people no longer laugh at me.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qf8z0x

I'm straight, but dicks are objectively more aesthetic than vaginas.

Now let me establish clearly that I am as heterosexual as it gets. Nothing against gay folks I'm just not one. HOWEVER. Penises *look* so much better in just about every way. Vaginas look gross. I'm still able to fuck my girlfriend because I don't have to think about it and it just feels good. When it comes to cunnilingus though... the only way to power through it is to imagine I'm sucking a nice juicy cock. Seriously. And it's not her fault; there's nothing wrong with her, it's just always been like this. So yea, penises are a much more pleasing sexual organ to look at it and (presumably) experience. Straight girls are lucky.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qf7pxm

in this video, me and this cute short femboy cosplayer will have hardcore anal sex. will i cum inside his adorable tight ass sissy boy asshole before i beat the ender dragon? also according to youtube statistics only 15% of the people who watch my videos are subscribed, so if you end up liking the video consider subscribing, it’s free and you can always subscribe later. enjoy the video.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qf6gi2

Based on fucking what? BASED ON FYCKING WHAT? You fucking cunt, you notherfucker. All I read is "based based based cringe cringe based", can't you fucking come up with anything else? It feels as if I'm talking to people with fuckijng dementia or something and they keep repeating the same fucking words on loop. BASEd ON FUCKING WHAT??? THE BIBLE? THE OXFORD DICITONARY? MY HAIRY ASSHOLE? OH my God just shut the fuck up it's like you can't form a coherent sentence without using one of these saturated, retarded words that lost all meaning overtime. "BASEE BASED BASED CRINGE CRINGE WOKE REDPILL CRIMGE WOKE GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU LITTLE BITCH YOU CUNT YOU FUCking asshole you bitch you cunt little shit

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qf502w

It has been 4 hours since I successfully sucked my own penis. Things are different now. As soon as mouth-to-penis contact was made I felt a shockwave through my body. I have reason to believe I have super strength and telekinesis now.. 3 hours after contact I noticed a van parked on my street but no one has entered or exited the car since its arrival. I fear for my safety, I'm not sure what sort of power I may have stumbled upon but it's possible that the government has found out. If I don't update this again please send help.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qf447y

Now let me establish clearly that I am as heterosexual as it gets. Nothing against gay folks I'm just not one. HOWEVER. Penises *look* so much better in just about every way. Vaginas look gross. I'm still able to fuck my girlfriend because I don't have to think about it and it just feels good. When it comes to cunnilingus though... the only way to power through it is to imagine I'm sucking a nice juicy cock. Seriously. And it's not her fault; there's nothing wrong with her, it's just always been like this. So yea, penises are a much more pleasing sexual organ to look at it and (presumably) experience. Straight girls are lucky.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qf3vwv

My wife gets jealous really easy, she said I'm not allowed to watch porn cause she doesn't want me to fantasize about other people. I haven't come out to her as dreamsexual yet cause I know she'd flip out.

I hoped if I introduce her slowly, she'd be ok with it (and maybe even agree with me that Dream is soo hotttt 🤤🤤🤤)

So today I went online and ordered a Dream mask for us to rp with. The thought of having s\*x with her when she had that mask on was making me rock hard, it was all i could think about, I got too impatient so I pulled up a Dream manhunt video and started jerking off.

I tried to edge myself for a while but that isn't easy with George's soothing voice saying "ohhh Dreeeeaamm" and Dream replying "c'mere Geooorge" it felt like they were in the room with me. I heard the door shut and knew my wife was in the house but I had crossed the point of no return. I watched as Dream jumped into the ocean and switched to 3rd person to see if anyone was following.

It was too much for me to handle, suddenly seeing Dream's sexy blocky body sliding through the dark, wet ocean. I busted the biggest nut of my life, right as my wife was opening the door. "What the Fuck?" she said, "is that PORN?!" She saw that it was a Minecraft video and her jaw dropped. We stood in silence for an eternity, me with my dick in my hand and coom all over the screen and keyboard, and her staring blankly in disbelief as Dream was being chased by George and Sapnap. Tears welled up in her eyes and she started shouting angrily. "You promised you wouldn't do this! I can't believe you're cheating on me!!"

When I heard this I suddenly overflowed with rage and started seeing red. "WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY BITCH? CHEATING? CHEATING?!!!1! DREAM DIDNT CHEAT!! ITS ALL LIES HES JUST A VERY LUCKY SPEEDRUNNER!!! STOP SAYING DREAMPHOBIC SLURS YOU FUCKING WHORE!!!"

I zipped up and pushed her out of the room and locked the door. I Googled "how to file for divorce" but I'm not seeing any divorce attorneys that understand my dreamsexuality and I don't want to just lose everything to her. I hope this reddit community of dream stans can offer me some advice.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qf1lhi

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Source: https://old.reddit.com/qf0kuv

It is. As a lone wolf alpha male, I don't need any friends, let alone feel the need to mess with friends i don't even need. I've been in monk mode for the past 3 years, ingesting red pills and meditating on female nature and the different laws of power and attraction. I am stronger, tougher and sharper than any blue pilled beta who feels the need to have a social and romantic life. I don't need any sexual activity either, I've been doing nofap for those 3 whole years while also never picking up females like I used to since i realised it's a waste of time. I now run a nootropics and crypto investment business where i'm projected to be making 7 figures by the end of next year. I still believe in the sanctity of marriage so I do plan on getting married, just not with a liberal college "educated" stacy who's been riding the carousel since her teen years. I am the alpha terminator, and nobody can stop me. Peace.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qf0iaj