You’d think so, wouldn’t you? I mean who wouldn't want to fuck a blobfish? I'll tell you who wouldn't want to fuck a blobfish; people who have fucked a blobfish.

Sure, it looks enticing, a surfaced blobfish, what with its pouty face and honker's nose, ooh with its soft, squishy flesh and a little, non-threatening fins, boop bogga zoop dogga doop with its innocent nature and trusting eyes. It wants to be fucked. That's what it looks like its made for. It's a fuck fish! That's what everyone who has fucked a blobfish told themselves. It's what I told myself before I fucked a blobfish, but it...

Gaahh.

As soon as you push your penis into that squisher's flabby flesh, you understand, and I mean truly understand, why it's called a blobfish. Your throbbing dong has nothing to work with in in there, just pure tepid jelly. There is no feeling, no sensation. My mind went blank as my numb meat wobbled aimlessly. Thrusting did no good, how could it? It's all blob. There's no back and forth sensation to speak of, just all blob.

After a while, and this is something that happens to everyone who fucks a blobfish, the blobfish just kinda sloughed off my dangler. I didn't even notice. I was in a stupor. As feeling and conciousness returned to me, I realized by the tenderness in my penis, that I had ejac'd several times over the course of only a half hour of being fleshly engaged with that blobfish, but did I feel any of those glopper pops? Nope. Not a one. Instead, that tender post-ejac feeling stuck with me months after that blobfish dropped off my cock and splatted on the pavement (yeah, I fucked a blobfish outside on the sidewalk).

Not worth it. If you feel like you want to fuck a blobfish, believe me when I say that you don't want to fuck a blobfish.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qdayeu

Hem Hem What in the name of Merlin did you just say about me, you little ingrate? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class with several O.W.L.s, and I’ve been involved in secret raids on Centaurs, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I’m the top Muggle-Born Commissioner in the entire Ministry of Magic. You are nothing to me but just another evening spent in Detention. I will require you to copy lines you with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my words. You think you can get away with contacting known criminal Sirius Black over the Floo Network? Think again, ungrateful child! As we speak I am contacting my network of Aurors across the United Kingdom and your owl is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, house-elf. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re certainly dead, child. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Department of Mysteries and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your bottom off the face of the continent, you little ankle-biter. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your tongue. You didn’t, and now you’re paying the price. I will Crucio all over you and you will drown in it. What Cornelius doesn't know won't hurt him. You’re dead as your Quidditch career.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qd9pxf

You’d think so, wouldn’t you? I mean who wouldn't want to fuck a blobfish? I'll tell you who wouldn't want to fuck a blobfish; people who have fucked a blobfish.

Sure, it looks enticing, a surfaced blobfish, what with its pouty face and honker's nose, ooh with its soft, squishy flesh and a little, non-threatening fins, boop bogga zoop dogga doop with its innocent nature and trusting eyes. It wants to be fucked. That's what it looks like its made for. It's a fuck fish! That's what everyone who has fucked a blobfish told themselves. It's what I told myself before I fucked a blobfish, but it...

Gaahh.

As soon as you push your penis into that squisher's flabby flesh, you understand, and I mean truly understand, why it's called a blobfish. Your throbbing dong has nothing to work with in in there, just pure tepid jelly. There is no feeling, no sensation. My mind went blank as my numb meat wobbled aimlessly. Thrusting did no good, how could it? It's all blob. There's no back and forth sensation to speak of, just all blob.

After a while, and this is something that happens to everyone who fucks a blobfish, the blobfish just kinda sloughed off my dangler. I didn't even notice. I was in a stupor. As feeling and conciousness returned to me, I realized by the tenderness in my penis, that I had ejac'd several times over the course of only a half hour of being fleshly engaged with that blobfish, but did I feel any of those glopper pops? Nope. Not a one. Instead, that tender post-ejac feeling stuck with months after that blobfish dropped off my cock and splatted on the pavement (yeah, I fucked a blobfish outside on the sidewalk).

Not worth it. If you feel like you want to fuck a blobfish, believe me when I say that you don't want to fuck a blobfish.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qd87xn

Nick opened his 24th packet of noodles. Another day of mukbanging ahead. He opened the camera, but he didn't say anything. He felt weak...he was sweating...Orlin was gone...he got tired of being pushed around. It took a toll on him...despite the way they acted they still loved eachother. With each passing bite, his stomach pain increased. He began to cry. In a split moment of clarity, he seemed to hear himself play the violin. He took another bite. The life he chose was irreversible for him ...he just had to take another bite. Suddenly, a sharp pain gets him to scream. He drops from the chair...sweating and coughing , the camera shakes and falls on the table. He can't get up. He knows he won't get up. In agony , he is no longer in that room. He is in a garden, dressed in white. His body felt so light...in the distance, a boy plays violin. He is skinny, healthy, dressed just in white, playing the violin. Tears roll in his eyes. But they are tears of joy. He gets closer to the boy...and, he sees his own face.. just 4 years ago...he follows the boy and then all of a sudden, the light gets brighter and brighter. He is no more. He had become one with the air, the earth ,the flowers.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qd83aq

OMG!!! Saw DEAR EVAN HANSEN & was DESTROYED. Liked the changes that made more sense. Wished they kept Does Anyone Have A Map & the Reprise @ the End.
And Julianne Moore CAN SING! (Movie & live onstage singing are different). Loved the WHOLE CAST.
IGNORE THE CRITICS, GO SEE IT!
Ben Platt deserves an Oscar Nomination for his role. And he did NOT look weird or whatever the “haters” were saying in their reviews.
I saw the stage version many times & this movie holds up very well.
It’s NOT your traditional Broadway musical—more like a CHAMBER (MUSIC) PIECE reflecting on LOSS, FINDING ONESELF, FAMILY, the IMPACT (negative & positive) of SOCIAL MEDIA on our daily lives.
DEAR EVAN HANSEN is not a “perfect movie”…BUT IF IT CAN REACH OUT & TOUCH SOME LONELY PERSON OUT THERE WHO THINKS HE/SHE HAS NO WORTH or QUESTIONS THEIR VALUE as a HUMAN BEING …or WHO IS DEALING WITH A PAINFUL LOSS—it deserves to EXIST in the Pantheon of Unforgettable Musical Theatre.
The TOPIC, is heavy and is NOT YOUR TYPICAL MUSICAL.
It is DEEP, LAYERED, NUANCED, & VERY HUMAN.
I loved it!!! Thank EVAN HANSEN…thank you BEN PLATT & CAST. Thank you STEPHEN CHBOSKY. And, Thank you JUSTIN PAUL & BEN PASEK.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qd79i0

I know this sounds like a joke but my friends keep telling me that I have to stick my testicles in the condom or else semen leaks out. Is that true? Do I really need to stick my balls in the condom? Please help.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qck8bk

So good you'll never want to eat anything else, try this amazing chicken recipe today. What are you waiting for? Hmm? Try it now! You will literally cum taking the first bite, just trust me. Do it pussy, try to cook this yummy tasty chicken, you dumb bitch. You think this is a fucking joke, don't you? You think this is funny? Just look at the thumbnail and tell me you don't want to take a fucking bite out of that super duper scrubilicious mega chicken, cunt. God I wish I was there to stuff your fucking mouth with that shit. I swear on everything that is sacred to me, if you don't buy the ingredients today I'm gonna make sure you will never see tomorrow, I'm gonna make your bones crack like the chicken in the video, Fuck, you are going to wish you were dead by the time I'm done with you. you have 24 hours. >!\*delicious\*!<

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qd53ib

I (19m) was browsing Danbooru to collect more lewd pictures of my Raphtalia from Tate no Yuusha no Nariagi (I asked her for consent beforehand) for later personal use

My heart dropped when I saw, on the 4rd page, her getting railed by two (2) black men with gigantic horse cocks. I was bawling and screaming in the school toilet for 30 minutes before finally deciding to report the photo

Why woukd she do this to me? I thought my japanese waifus were different from 3d women. Please help me, she is my only one. Arigato daisiki

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qd3wf6

You put your cock and balls into the kfc deep frier and then got a cold? They are correlated by the time in which the two events occured, yet one didnt cause the other. You put your cock and balls into the kfc deep frier and came due to the intense sexual arousal the indescribable agony gave you? Thats causation right there.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qd26w0

✨✨✨✨✨14 (NSFW DNI) | they/them | 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ | (mediocre) Artist 🖌 | ♾autistic♾, ADHD, anxiety, depressed, mentally unstable | @penispenis2 my beloved ❤️❤️❤️ | extremely sensitive and easily offended🥺 | cancer ♋️ | white | Multifandom | 🇺🇸🇨🇦🇧🇬🇩🇿🇫🇷🇻🇳🇬🇧🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿 | pfp made by @mediocreartist | Discord: shitcock#1234 | my bullshit opinion matters | respect my trigger warnings✨🥺 | absolute clown 🤡 | #BLM | #ACAB | #POOPSEX | #FreePalestine | #FuckIsrael | Antifa | Left wing | READ MY CARRD BEFORE FOLLOWING carrd.co/nobodycares | ❄️❄️❄️🤡🤡🤡🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🟩⬜️⬛️⬜️🟩ur opinion is invalid🤡🏳️‍🌈✨✨✨

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qd1mt1

Oh boy, yep it sure does.

My father had that face all the time, that face that says, "I'm confused right now, but slowly realizing that I'm actually furious." Ya know, the kinda face that gives you 5 full minutes of him sitting in his chair motionless as the gears of destruction grind in his skull, and that 5 minutes is something you want to take full advantage of. I'd often put my dad in that stupor and bolt of the room to warn one of my several or so siblings about the coming doom I hath wrought upon the household.

Dad would sit there, vibrating with greater and greater intensity, cheeks flushing redder and redder, veins bulging and pulsing. It was a sight to behold, to watch the metamorphosis of a normal man by all accounts from a happy hapless chap to a wrathful monster, completely unbound in his fury.
5 minutes is what we had, but it never felt like enough.

We were children, ya know? No 5 minute head start, even in a flat out sprint, could ever create enough distance between us and our monstrous, raging daddy. He'd always catch us and wallop us to pulp. "Get the snow shovel, ma! Daddy done splatted another one!" She couldn't, of course, but it was cathartic to yell it. Papa was like a gorilla with a graham cracker...

Hiding? Out of the question. I learned many years later that he was a collegiate level hide and seek champion with a preternatural instinct for sniffing out hiders. The closest I ever came to successfully hiding from my predatorial pops was when I removed the filter to the HVAC thing in the basement and crawled in the space. Even as the hot air blew across my body, both burning and suffocating me, it was a better fate than being plumb pummeled by the vengeful spirit of daddy's disappointment.

Several of my siblings didn't make it past their late teens, despite our best efforts to make our relentless pranks upon that dastardly man so confounding that he'd have to stew on them for 10 or 20 minutes. We just couldn't get our pranks good enough, complicated enough...

Ahh, there's another writing pile of goo I once called a sister. Oh, there's a half-formed brother sloughing down the steps. Add 'em to the vat! One day we'll have the means to reconstitute them fully, or at least good enough. Right? What'll it be, another six or seven years? Science will get there. I got a vat full of loose siblings I'd like reconstituted and the amount of time I spend spritzin' the jelly mass with nutrient rich water to keep them moist and healthy has prevented me from starting a family of my own.

It's just as well. I know I have the same violent, gooefying tendencies as my remorseful father. He has mellowed out a bit in the last few years, and regrets splatting so many of us kids because of pranks. Would you be surprised to know he's tended to the meat vat since the beginning? That heaping the splattered children into the vat was his idea in the first place? Hm? With mom being as immobile as she was, dad was the only one who could really do anything about it.

I'm glad he did though. We have a great relationship these days, and once we can reconstitute my siblings, we'll all have a good laugh about it. I'm sure of that.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qczxed

We should just ban guns. If the government becomes tyrannical, we'll give the guns back so the people can fight back.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qcy800

Again, I’ve never personally insulted you, and this is another example of you, a moderator, going out of your way to say something like this to me, who enjoys the discussion and community in this server.

Maybe we need to take this to DMs or get someone else involved, but I don’t think saying stuff like this to someone else should be seen as acceptable, especially if you help out with a server.

If a rando were to come in and here say something like this, they’d get a warning, banned, or kicked (like has happened in general channel around game times).

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qcxq44

It was clearly jet-powered, judging from the sound. It had a V-tail coming to a distinct line in the rear, with relatively high aspect ratio straight wings. I estimate it was moving at 200kts and 150-300 meters altitude. After some quick searches, my first idea was that it was an MQ-4C Triton, but the V-tail on that doesn't meet in a distinct line, and it looks a little too big. The front seemed fairly aerodynamically shaped for a drone, with the typical somewhat rounded look, but it almost seemed the top and bottom surfaces/halves of the body met in a line and not rounded, suggesting some sort of Low-observable aspects in the airframe.
Saw it when near Century tower, it was heading North, and seemed to be clearly right over campus.
It was most definitely military, not UF related.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qcwv59

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Source: https://old.reddit.com/qcv670

现在我有冰淇淋😎🍦我很喜欢冰淇淋😳🍦, 但是只是给你们的信息我真的很喜欢吃蛋人冰淇淋🍦👨‍🦲😋但它让我所有的粉丝生气😡和追我直到宇宙尽头😳

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qctl4d

Never thought my life would peak in this way, but I had a girl over and late night popped in my AirPods, pulled up a Muta video I hadn’t seen, and as happens when you watch Mutahar I got in the mood. One thing lead to another and I busted a nut with her legs over my shoulders while listening to an Indian man rant about windows Millenium. Well that’s it for today folks have a good one.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qcrtil

There's 104 days of summer vacation and school fucks along just to fuck it. So the annual problem for our generation is fucking a good way to fuck it. Like maybe... fucking a rocket, or fucking a mummy or fucking the Eiffel Tower, fucking something that doesn't exist. Hey! Or fucking a monkey, a shower, fucking tidal waves, fucking nanobots or fucking Frankenstein's brain, it's over here! Fucking a dodo bird, fucking a continent, or fucking your sister! Insane, Phineas! As you can fuck there's a lot of stuff to fuck before school fucks this fall, fuck on Perry! So fuck with us 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna fuck it all! So fuck with us 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna fuck it all! Phineas and Ferb are fucking a title sequence!

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qcr6gn

i’m really really sorry for making it hard for you this night. I tried really hard to get in bed but i just couldn’t hold my diarrhea in. I felt sick. And now I feel sick because you are upset. I know you are stressed out and tired of us but I sincerely ask you for some grace tonight. I hate seeing you upset and now I feel i’m i’m directly responsible for it. I am also extremely tired and want to go to bed, so i’m really sorry for making it hard on you.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qcqdkz

Ever since I was born, I was unable to touch my penis because it was very short. I was bullied in school because I couldn't pee properly(couldn't hold my penis and aim while peeing). I watched porn but couldn't jack off because my penis was microscopic. But yesterday, I found a top secret website which makes your penis longer. I signed up there and bam, I woke up today to a 13 metre long and 2 metre wide penis! I have never been happier! I jacked off today all day and aim trained with my humongous penis(I pissed at my school toilet while at home using high precision binoculars to fix my aim)! Today's been a blast! I love having a 13 metre long penis. Edit: grammar

Source: https://old.reddit.com/qcpnse