When I put tomato on a sandwich, I like to use those big ones that are nice and ripe all the way through so one slice can cover the whole thing. Using several slices from small tomatoes still can make a sandwich that tastes great, but it’s too easy for some of them to fall out the side.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q994uc

You’ve done voiceover work? Fuck you. You’ve led a focus group? Fuck you. You’ve been PART of a focus group fuck you. If you’ve written the script for an advertisement double fuck you. If you’ve participated in any way shape or form to the creation of an advertisement that appears as a buffer between songs or videos on the internet, you’ve contributed to the suffering of the entire country, more likely the entire world. I understand advertisements are a part of how capitalist society works. However I think most people can agree it’s gratuitous badgering at this point. Either advertisers really don’t want me to buy their product or they suck at their job. I have never once heard an ad and thought “wow I want to buy that now”. That’s not hyperbole. I get raped in the ears after every two songs. Everywhere you look there’s an ad you have to close out of. If I hear one more Charmin ad I swear I’m going to lose my fucking mind. Fuck all of you. Fuck anyone and everyone who let this happen. That includes me. I don’t know how we got here but it’s a legitimate travesty and I no longer have the energy to pretend it’s anything less. We failed as a species.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q98ks9

Tobey Maguire’s spider man can cum web. Come to think of it, all of Peter Parker’s powers are more or less an extension and/or upgrade of the human body, because the super strength is his muscles and tissues super powered up, his spider sense is the human senses and reflexes boosted to perfection, and even the spider grip thing, that seems a little off considering basic human functions, is an evolution of the hands and feet of a human being (that are made to grip things) and this parts of the body also have mechanisms to “glue” things better, even though it’s very far from abilities in the movie.

Following this logic, the only power spidey has that doesn’t look exactly as a boost to a normal human is the shooting web, but that is a mere illusion. First of all, the only times we see Peter shooting web is through his hands/wrist, witch is very weird considering that there are no holes in that part. Assuming that he doesn’t just throw webs through his fucking skin and has micro holes to shoot them, we need to recall once again that his powers are an upgrade of the human’s powers, so the web isn’t made for shooting through those holes considering that it isn’t present in a normal human being, so it is something that already exists in his body, made for other purposes, but he can use it as a web.

Considering all of the information above, we can assume that Spider Man’s web is a natural human being’s excretion, but boosted or upgraded, and it’s not made for shooting from his wrists, but from elsewhere. Peter Parker’s web is a white, sticky and slimy goo, coming out of an adult male person. It isn’t really hard realize what part of an adult male is analogue to the web, but I must conclude anyway, it’s cum.

Spider Man’s web is the evolution of Peter Parker’s cum, and he also shoot’s that from his penis. Thank you for reading.

TL;DR: Spider man is cumming all around New York, and the movie named “Homecoming” isn’t an accident.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q97ejy

I said nothing when the Lego Movie came out, but I cannot remain silent any longer for the good of our species. You Chris Pratt fans are more disgusting than the stinking smelly scum that accumulates at the edge of a pond. Do you see what you have done to our beloved Mario? Are you happy with yourselves? How can you support this SCUMBAG'S reign of desolation?

Look at yourselves, Chris Pratt fans, you worthless degenerates, cheering from the sidelines as he crushes and destroys our childhoods. This is such a complete and utter abomination, that banishing all Chris Pratt fans to be poked and prodded in Hell for an eternity would not come close to rectifying the situation.

I hereby propose this:

If you enjoy the work of Christopher Micheal Pratt, please do the rest of the world a favor, and stop engaging with Popular Culture from this point forward. That's right, never watch a TV show, movie, short film, Youtube video, TikTok, or podcast ever again. (I would forbid you from reading books as well, but let's be honest, Chris Pratt fans do not know how to read.) Refrain from engaging with all forms of social media. Your participation is no longer necessary.

While I understand these measures may seem somewhat extreme, please try to understand that this is for the good of humanity. You no longer deserve to have a say in society from this day forward. You had your chance, and you fucked it up for everyone.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q96mai

So, cummy says the words fuck, shit, lube, jizz, cum, semen, & nut. His sentences span from 4 to 8 word long sentences. So, the odds of getting a specific sentence (let's say "cum cum cum cum shit shit fuck") are one in 7\^8-7\^4 aka 1 in 5764801-2401 aka 1 in 5762400, hence there are 5762400 different sentences that cummy can say. Once he says a specific sentence, you may likely never see it again for the next 5.7M posts.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q95tc5

I would never fuck someone in the ass, man or women. Shit comes out the ass, along with bacteria and many other things. It's fucking gross. I hate anal porn, like why? The asshole becomes expanded and its literally gaping, a giant gross hole. Yet some people get a hard on. What the fuck? Why?

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q95c0t

Yes I understand that, and you make sense. Thank you for explaining that. As I stated before, I meant this as a joke. You see, sometimes when I am on Reddit, I like to… stir up a little trouble and make a witty comment or maybe just blurt out my internal reaction to whatever content I’m looking at. It’s a pastime I’ve come to enjoy. I wish you well stranger and thank you again for clarifying that I in no way meant to extort the business owners to lower their prices. I looked at the sunglasses and knew the $200 price tag was really a $60 price tag with a $140 donation to their efforts. Speaking of their efforts, we both appreciate their’s right? There’s common grounds! What say you and I be friends eh?

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q94bw4

Do you suffer from arthritis? Well, you’re in luck! I have a **SPECIAL** remedy from calcium deficient bones! Say hello to **NIGGER BREATH**! A yawn from a black monkey nigger breathed into a bottle (*he had horrible stds*) and, it’s apparent magic! **NIGGER BREATH** can cure just about anything! Use on your dick, use it on your missing stub of an arm, you can even use it on your mother! Maybe she needs just a little tweaking? **NIGGER BREATH** is here to help! Make her smell the disgusting fume of a nigger and she won’t bother you for the next months, years, and possibly your whole life time.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q934sf

[SEQUEL]

It’s another day. I wake up, chained to my dog house. My master comes and takes off my chain, then leashes me up and brings me inside. I’m brought inside masters bedroom, hoping to play games. I’m then blindfolded. I’m very confused as to what’s happening. She says it’s time for me to be a good male slave. I yip excitedly, as being a good male slave is my favorite thing to do. I’m chained down and told to wait. A little later, still blindfolded, something is stuck in my face. It smells like fish. It’s warm, and hairy. Master yells at me to lick it, so I do. She moans, then lays me down on the ground and sits on top of me. She keeps ordering me to lick it, and I repeatedly do, while she keeps moaning. Eventually, I nearly drown when I feel warm fluids flood my face. Most gets in my mouth, which I drink and swallow. Master gets off my soaked, blindfolded face as she takes it off. I’m stunned as she has no pants or underwear on. She then gets dressed, takes off my blindfold, and takes me on a neighborhood walk. She calls me a good male slave for making her happy, to which I bark. On our daily walk, everyone looks at me like I’m a weirdo from an insane asylum. I don’t mind, as I only care what master thinks of me. Eventually we return home, after I shit in old man Jenkins yard. We ran as he chased us with his sawed off shotgun. At home, I’m beaten and kicked by master for being a bad boy. I whimper like a puppy. I’m then blindfolded again and laid back. Master says I need further punishment. I’m nervous, but I know I must receive it. She gets a metal ring, very tight, and puts it over my cock. It hurts like hell, and cuts off the blood flow to it. She then gets a hammer and pounds my balls. I scream from the jolting pain, so master gags my mouth. I’m then forced to endure pain, as she beats my genitals. She stomps on, pounds, and slaps my testicles. My penis is limp and blue from lack of blood flow. She takes the ring off and I feel the blood rush to it. She then beats the shit out of my cock. Yanking it, punching it, and kicking it. I pee out blood during the ordeal. Eventually, master demands I put my clothes back on as I’m leashed. She takes me to the dining room where I’m told to eat. I eat a meal of frozen corn out of a dog bowl named “Rufus.” I gobble it down. She then chains me up inside, and I hear the door bell ring. I instinctively bark and growl at it, but then she opens the door to reveal it’s her good friend chad. He comes over to let me as I pant my tongue. He then says he and master will be busy in her bedroom. I wait patiently, chained up. I hear the bedroom door slam and it gets muffled. I start hearing master moaning, like when i licked her down there. I hear the bed creak and shake. I hear it all. I then get curious, to the point I manage to unchain myself and run to the bedroom on all fours. I rush in to see what’s up with master, when chad turns to me. He has a hotdog out, by his waist. I assume it’s a treat for me. It’s a foot long hotdog at least, and super large In diameter. At that time, a white liquid flows from the hotdog. I come up to lick it, and it’s salty. He and master both yell at me to get out for being a bad slave. I run back outside. I hear him muttering that he didn’t get to put his “seed” in her, and how I ruined it. I sit and take a nap. I wake up to chad leaving the house and getting in his Lamborghini. Master comes up to me and beats the shit out of me. Calling me a bad male slave. I take it, as I know I deserve it. She goes on how all men are evil assholes. I continue receiving the beating until I pass out. I wake up in a pool of blood coming from my head. It hurts a lot, and is super bruised. Master is on the couch, inserting this purple and pink rubber stick into herself. The stick vibrates as she Moans. I yip, to which she ignores me. Once she’s done using it, and she spills more of that warm fluid on the couch, she pulls up her pants and comes to me. In the end, I’m told while I was a bad boy today, I ended up redeeming myself. I proudly bark as she leashes me up to take me outside. It’s already dark out, and Im chained to my dog house. I can’t go to sleep just yet, as I remember about my day. It was a good day today. I peacefully go to sleep, with my head throbbing from todays beating.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q91z80

Sexually aroused when evicting tenants \[serious\]
Any other chadlords here get adrenaline rush when evicting tenants? I always do it face to face because it just feels so fucking good. This one time a renthog broke down and started cying and I literally came in my pants. My wife thinks it's a normal reaction but I wanted to discuss it with you fellas. What experiences do you have with evicting?

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q912nn

**People are interesting but I wonder is it really worth it to waste your time killing a kitten I mean what the fuck has it done to you and here is a list of things I’d do to this prick**
**1.Have a 13 Gauge at the ready**
**2.rip his fucking jaw off with metal tongs**
**3.blow his goddamn arms off and watch him leak and scream**
**4.top him off with a little gasoline**
**5.put him on a dog collar and a leash that hooks so he can run freely before death**
**6.light him on fire and watch him run around and spark like the 4th of July**

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q90imh

You've always wanted to take a ride on a big hard cock like this, so what are you waiting for? Lay this super stud on a flat surface, assume the position, and let him fuck you silly, man! From his sexy washboard abs and chiseled waistline, to his amazing huge cock, this macho man is ready to rock your world and fuck you silly. With a 1.7 inch wide and 8 inch long cock, this 20 pounds of boy toy will make all of your fantasies come true.

Squeeze his squishy balls and feel the firm nuts inside his gigantic sack, before you take a wild ride on his massive cock. Then, turn this bad boy around and go bareback on his round bubble butt. The soft, supple Fanta Flesh material warms to your body temperature and feels just like the real thing, only better! This hunky, shredded heartthrob never goes soft or limp, and he's always ready to dish out a dick-down you'll never forget!

The Pipedream Extreme Fuck Me Silly Man! Let him fulfill all of your male fuck fantasies!

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q8yww6

cock and balls

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q8ynjw

See this is what’s wrong with this subreddit. It’s too random. Wow haha let’s post a 😡 face or a 😫 face after a “NOT COOL MY MOM WAS IN THE ROOM DELETE \[insert abhorrent throwaway line here\] literally shut your fucking mouths dude.

I know what this place is. It’s a sub for children. Hey, let’s do a poll next. Let’s vote on how many users on this sub are currently in marching band or in the school anime and gaming club with no friends... I’m going to guess a good 75%

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q8x2vj

First of all, I'm not one of those assholes who keep bragging to people that they use Reddit, please don't act as if this is just me bragging. Secondly, yes. I've seen TikTok and everybody there is uncultured and low-IQ. How do we know they're uncultured and low-IQ? Because every joke and every skit is very unoriginal and those that people in middle school would do. No grown person with healthy brain development would create entertainment so devoid of value, so unfunny, and so cringe. What about Reddit? Well, we're a bunch of intellectuals actually. We actively critique society and try to improve it while being aware of our own flaws. Every content is unique and high quality as opposed to TikTok which is just 70 IQ creepy adults making a spectacle of themselves. Every discussion involves modern philosophical ideas or original food for thought, and shitty subs like r/teenagers are even somehow less retarded than TikTok. Look at the most popular subs, and they're always high-IQ stuff like r/atheism, r/philosophy, r/science, r/programming, and r/math. Even r/memes has intellectual comedy. Plus, I don't think I even need to get into the civilized political discussions we have in contrast with TikTok, where people are too spineless or unaware to even care about it and those who do get shut down by the Chinese Communist Party anyway.

All in all, while Reddit is a society of intellectuals and critics of art and society, TikTok is more of like a (wo)man-child playground for those who don't have a refined taste in art, science, or philosophy.

https://www.reddit.com/r/changemyview/comments/mdjuhi/cmv_reddit_has_a_very_high_average_iq_and_is_very/

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q8wk06

I don’t know about you, but I really enjoy taking a nice long dump in a high rise building. Think about what happens when you flush the toilet; your feces goes down into a pipe that will connect up with the city’s sewer system where it will be treated and disposed of. But where do these pipes exist? Underground. That means that in a high rise, your shit has to travel all the way down below ground to reach the main sewer system. Obviously, the poop has to be able to gain some speed on its way down, and that is really interesting to me. Imagine the CEO of the company on the top floor takes a dump and his poop travels down some pipe inside a wall passing everybody below. You’re just working at your desk when the CEOs shit rushes past your office wall at terminal velocity. That’s fuckin cool.

Also not to mention that the sewer system has to be flowing constantly, otherwise the waste will clog up the piles and the whole place would smell like shit. With high rises, the fast moving poop can come down and keep the slower moving poop from clogging the pipes. It’s super simple and helps keep our cities clean. I am fascinated with this shit.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q8u7bt

Imagine, if you are not already, that you are a young, outgoing woman working at a diner trying to make ends meet. You deal with the typical problems one faces in their twenties and prepare for the inevitable future back pain that comes with having G cup breasts. You go out with friends, you hook up with guys, and you buy shampoo that protects the sheen and vibrancy of your naturally pink hair. Then one day, out of the blue, you wake up and find that you have grown a giant penis. This is the story that Futa Fix ♥♥♥♥ Dine and Dash wants you to fully immerse yourself in but fails to deliver on the promise and exploration of such a premise.
Certainly, as with all games like Futa Fix, there is very much a target audience in mind here. This is not your typical Mario, or Halo game: it’s a visual novel. While some may not be interested in this genre, It is undeniable that the focus here is more on story telling and narrative which is why it is absolutely critical to nail this aspect. And this n the game you play as plucky young (18+) Emily who works at an unspecified diner (that may be called in game Futa Fix ♥♥♥♥ Dine and Dash, the game is unclear about this) and faces the exact situation described in the introduction. It is a unique story idea, one that is not often approached in mainstream media but provides a very visceral way of igniting the player’s imagination, without leaving much to it. Right off the bat we see how this development is interfering with Emily’s life as the game opens with her proving she is not ‘master of her domain.’ Embarrassed and confused about her new male genitalia, Emily has become a recluse in fear of being shamed by her peers. This coupled with an increased libido causing her to be in constant need of self-stimulation gets in the way of simple things such as spending time with friends, or even getting to work on time.

Unfortunately, this is really depth of what the game’s developer, Cyberframe Studios, seems interested in exploring. The narrative of the game is split up into several routes with each one focused on a different woman that Emily encounters. The progression for almost every route is typically the same: you are offered a couple of choices the outcome of which results in Emily either having sex/more sexual dialogue with the woman. Then the other woman typically finds out about Emily’s penis, and has no issue with it. There’s usually one or two more opportunities to engage in sexual activity with the woman, and then you are presented with either the neutral or good ending to the route. This doesn’t lead to any particularly meaningful insights into the story. The choices presented in each route are obviously either going to lead to a sexual encounter, or away from one. Even the routes themselves, as part of the greater narrative, feel a bit stiff. You really only interact with one woman in each route and some incidents seem to suggest Emily has engaging with the other women in the other routes, but other story elements directly contradict each other. Notably Emily’s personality changes drastically to fit the narrative of each route: in one she becomes a submissive sex slave, and in another she accidentally becomes a dominant engaging in a relation that began with would be considered sexual assault on her part. And then there is the finale. This also seems to imply all of the routes are canon but contradicts the good endings to the various routes. Perhaps it was the creator’s intention to do something akin to SEGA’s Shadow the Hedgehog in which all routes are canon, despite contradictions, but ultimately don’t matter because the ending is more important. And a big part of this is the sudden introduction of otherworldly forces and an explanation regarding Emily growing a ♥♥♥♥ that comes completely out of left field. To its credit, a prior route does try to foreshadow that there were some other forces at play, but the extent that the ending dives into this plot point feels incredibly disjointed from the rest of the story. And finally, there is the issue of Emily herself: as she isn’t a very compelling character in my opinion. During the two or three hours of story presented in Futa Fix ♥♥♥♥ Dine and Dash you get a lot of opportunity for insight into Emily’s personality and past. But this basically boils down to the idea that a once outgoing and confident woman has become overly timid and reserved. Even if there was more to this backstory, I’m not sure that I would want to know more—Emily is just kind of a huge ♥♥♥♥. She’s constantly talking ♥♥♥♥ about the women she interacts with. In the first route, even, she feels the need to ♥♥♥♥ shame Cindy. And Emily doesn’t seem to grow from any of this. She continues to trash talk her partners in each route and the game doesn’t make any effort to demonstrate why this is problematic.Other than narrative issues, I‘m just bothered by the overall production an execution here. I’ve already mentioned my gripes with the inconsistencies with the routes, but there are other various details that break the immersion for me. If you look close at Emily’s penis, you’ll notice that she is circumcised. Perhaps this is a personal choice from the game’s developer, but it leaves one to wonder why a penis that magically grew would be circumcised in the first place. Speaking of things that are oddly cut I wanted to touch on the music too. The inspiration is clearly reminiscent of games such as Persona 5, but I noticed that most of the tracks tend to loop in an odd place. You can hear where it would have looped seamlessly, but instead the track goes on for another second or two and loops at an awkward place.

Not unlike another big release this year, Cyberpunk 2077; Futa Fix ♥♥♥♥ Dine and Dash is absolutely plagued with bugs. In some cases, these are visual inconsistencies such as the loading screen showing the transition from day to night, during a scene that started at night. The most drastic one of all that I experienced was the inability to unlock the final ‘Sweet Release‘ achievement. Despite having witnessed all the sex scenes this award failed to be given and I had to patiently wait for a solution to truly 100% the game. To their credit, though, the games developer has been releasing timely patches to deal with the bugs and the community has been really come together on this one.

Although I have had many complaints about the game, I would not necessarily discount the overall experience. It is very clear that there was a lot of thought put into this game, and that those involved from visuals, to the music, and story itself, were trying their best. However, I feel that the game could have benefitted from diving deeper into the initial questions the premise raised in addition to the sex scenes. Seeing Emily grow into a much more hardened and resilient version of herself could have been very rewarding after the traumatic life altering change to her body that she had to learn to cope with. As it stands the only real reason it feels like Emily has a penis is to justify her suddenly wanting to have sex with women. I think a tale such as this lends itself to a story about self acceptance and learning to love one’s body for what it is. Also, the prologue seems to imply you will be picking one of three women to spend time with, but because of the discrete routes this isn

Ultimately, I’m giving this game a 6.9 out of 10. While it is certainly a game that not everyone will enjoy, it was an honest attempt at something unique and I would love to see the developer do something more ballsy next time around.
That’s all from JGN, until next time.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q8tnqc

wait, wait, wait…. hold your horses… uhm… YOU’RE A GIRL GAMER?!!?! O_O Not to be a freak, but.. just when I thought you couldn’t get more attractive.. you started playing video games. Nicely done m’lady. You’ve just become every man’s dream woman. If you had missed a couple before, now you can be sure you’ve got us ALL “drooling”, lol.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q8sw46

most transgenders are just appropriating another gender and arnt actually trans

I'm going to remain civil and be clear and concise and not vulgar as not to get this post removed while also voicing what I believe to be a very unpopular opinion.

Some trans people arnt actually transgender and just enjoy and find interest in alot of things the other sex does so they will start to appropriate things from that gender and sooner or later trick themselves into thinking they are trans, it's a type of cognitive dissonance.

Now I understand that there are people out there that are born transgender, or have the genitals of one sex while having the hormones of another, that has been known for a long time now, but I believe this new trend in transgenderism in the current age is just a fad of people approiting things from the other gender and because society has convinced us that these things they appropriate are tied to a specific gender they convince themselves that they MUST be transgender.

That's all, hopefully I wasnt too vulgar and made my point without breaking any rules, enjoy.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q8rpqn

Hello Chinese government here, comments that depict a flaw against us are strictly prohibited and you have received -999999 Social Credit. We will soon be sending John Xina and The Wok to remove your balls and they will be served as dinner to our Supreme Leader.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q8qe30