So I am a highschooler about to graduate and my friend (884672772881010476M) Is in my class.

So the other day I was Masturbating in class when he asked me to change his diaper, normally I wouldn't because that shits gay but he then said "No Homo" so I knew it wouldn't be gay this time.

I continued on beating the Old Joe while Changing his Diaper and I ended up cumming in his diaper and the cum went strait into the womb and now he is pregnant.

For this incident I was told that I was going to be held back all the way to kindergarten because I forgor 💀 to say "No Homo".

I then explained to the Dean (4M) of my school that I was going to be a father in about 9 months and I need to graduate.

So the Dean made a deal with him, if I could beat him in a "jack off" I could stay in 12th Grade so I could graduate and achieve my dream of being a below minimum wage Sweat Shop worker.

So I spent all night training for the "Jack Off" contest and I ended up turning my previously black walls to white.

The next day I met the Dean in the gymnasium where the entire school, including my new husband (still No Homo) was there to see our contest.

We started to beat our meat while the vice principal started to play the Shrek 2 cover of "holding out for a hero"... Big mistake because I always play the Shrek ost when Jacking off to motivate myself.

I ended up cumming about 20 seconds after the Dean did, which gave me the victory.

So after I won I was allowed to stay in the 12th grade and me and my friend proceeded to have hot lesbian sex with each other (STILL NO HOMO!!!)

The end...

Ocean man, take me by the hand Lead me to the land that you understand Ocean man, the voyage to the corner of the globe Is a real trip Ocean man, the crust of a tan man imbibed by the sand Soaking up the thirst of the land

Ocean man, can you see through the wonder of amazement At the oberman Ocean man, the crust is elusive when it casts forth To the childlike man Ocean man, the sequence of a life form braised in the sand Soaking up the thirst of the land

Ocean man

Ocean man

Ocean man

Ocean man, take me by the hand Lead me to the land that you understand Ocean man, the voyage to the corner of the globe Is a real trip

Ocean man, the crust of a tan man imbibed by the sand Soaking up the thirst of the land

Ocean man, can you see through the wonder of amazement At the oberman Ocean man, the crust is elusive when it casts forth To the childlike man Ocean man, the sequence of a life form braised in the sand Soaking up the thirst of the land Ocean Man

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q84r0e

Hello, members of [r/iqtests](https://www.reddit.com/r/iqtests/). This post is dedicated to recruiting new members for a high-IQ society called the Society of Intelligent Conversation. The entry mark lies at the 90th percentile of the general population (IQ = 120, SD = 15). If you have any questions regarding which tests are accepted you can message the admins, moderators, or me. We also have an admission list that you can refer to for online tests that we accept for entry. Furthermore, we also accept SAT and ACT scores, though we have different entry scores for those tests depending on the year it was taken. For those who are curious about what the daily activity of this server is like, there is a large variety of topics that members will engage in, from mathematics to literature, film study, video games, social science, etc. The group as a whole is a place for members to socialize with interesting people and hold conversation on diverse topics, so feel free to check it out.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q83ke8

alrightr guys welcome back to our latest unboxing video today we will be unboxing this 7 year old child, let's begin our review. so first off I'd like to thank our sponsor raid shadow legends, a mobile app with great graphics and gameplay. anyway back to the review. so here are the legs, they were sold seperately but they were definitely the tastiest part, I rate the legs as a 9 out of ten, unfortunately the tibia was fractured in the left and that left a bad aftertaste. the arms are up next but first I'd like to thank our sponsor nordvpn for allowing me to hide in india while I have cops search for me in france. anyway back to the review. so the arms were pretty tasty but the elbow was much too bruised on both arms, definitely ruined the tenderness of the meat. I give the arms a 7 out of 10, next up is the torso, this part was not tasty, too many bones and the ribs were fractured, left much to be desired. 1 out of 10. next up is the head. this was certainly a tasty part but the brain tumor in the frontal lobe definitely toned down the delicious taste. I will give the head a 4 out of 10. alright I will see you next time where we will review the dead babies I ordered from ebay. goodbye everyone! thank you to our sponsor raid shadow legends, go play that and buy the vpn so I can get more money

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q81y5l

U know I had a go at u last nights

u got me a couple of sittins in ya kunt

now it's time for u to pay

u little dickboy u only got me on my knees

u want me to stick my cock in ya nans but u cant

u thinkin of ur nan when you fink ur cumming on me

u think it's good she don't know I'm here

but it's not good for her

so here's the fukin deal

u fink I'm a fukin pussy

and that's true

but I'm gonna suck ur cock

so I'm gonna suck your cock

no u cant

no u cnt

u shuld cuh me

I sware on me mum I'll cum on yer mum

I've made a deal wiv you mate

you fukin wot m8

I've said some fukn nasty words

and I've just met wot I'm fukin gona do

I'm not a fuking pussy

so I'm not gonna stop

I'm not a fukin pussy

I fukin fink I'm a fukin puss

and I'll fukin go all over your sis

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q81qlv

I'm just making this post as a quick reminder that semen is meant to be retained unless it is being used for the purpose of procreation. The average human male (at least in the west) is generally very pathetic, lacking spiritual, emotional and mental strength. He is also not respected by his female counterparts even in the slightest.

Retaining the vital essence restores the man to his natural state and allows the man to operate from a position of power. The loss of vital essence is the root of most of the self-inflicted problems which men face today. Retaining the vital essence reverses that.

There is more and more 'research' being published by 'scientists' which is trying to paint ejaculation as something which is 'healthy' and something which should males should engage in frequently. I came across a study from Harvard which I found particularly disturbing which claimed that men should ejaculate 22 times a month. This, and other 'research' of this nature is pure horseshit and should be disregarded completely.

On a final note, within the animal kingdom all creatures I have observed only ejaculate for the purpose of procreation. While I am by no means comparing animals to human beings I do find this pattern interesting to say the least.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q80lq3

It was the early hours of a Sunday morning after I had been out to a bar with the lads. Our original plan was to just get bevved, but one thing led to another and I ended up taking some lass home.

I walked through the front door with the girl and looked into the kitchen. I saw a plate left on the table with tin foil covering it.

“Oh, did you make some food to eat when you got home?” the girl asked.

“No, I didn’t. I think mummy must have left this for me.” I replied.

I walked over and lifted the tin foil. It was a plate of turkey dinosaurs and potato smiles ready to be reheated. Nice.

I took the girl upstairs towards my room.

“Now stay quiet, daddy has enough trouble sleeping with mummy’s CPAP machine going all night. She has really bad sleep apnea.” I warned. The girl nodded and quickly tiptoed with me past their bedroom door.

When we got into my dark room, the glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling were the first to draw the eye. I always thought space was cool and I’d hope any girl worth my time would think the same. I then turned the light on so she didn’t trip over my Power Rangers figures I had been playing with before I left. I saw here staring at my PC below my Danny Phantom poster.

“Yeah, I’ve got a 3080 in there, but the whole thing is a custom build so I could fit the components into the Hot Wheels case. It’s the same setup that I had as a kid and I’m not ready to let go just yet.” She remained quiet but I assume she was impressed.

I pushed her down onto my Lightning McQueen bed and tore off her clothes. I threw her pants behind me and they landed on my Dragon Ball figurine shelf. I took my trousers off but quickly emptied the pockets so I didn’t leave a used tissue in them and ruin another wash. Mummy really needs to start checking herself before she puts them in the machine. We started to plow but it was difficult to thrust back without hitting my feet into the back of McQueen’s face. I persisted though. I was riding a girl like my favourite race car.

I could tell she was about to cum so I increased my speed. You’ve always got to be fastest at the finish line. Her eyes rolled back and at the point of climax I uttered one word.

“Kachow.”

I rolled off her onto the floor as there wasn’t enough room on the bed to fit two people. I lifted my head up to face her.

“You’ve just had the Lightning experience. Only special girls get that, so feel proud.”

I then got up and played Double Dash until she decided to leave.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q7z71b

How much blood loss is needed to lose an erection?


So uh. I'm writing a gay erotic fanfiction between a human and a vampire wherein the human consents to being turned into a vampire and together they make love during it to make it less scary. (It's all just a gigantic smut piece with a huge emphasis on consent, trust and the overwhelming love between the two men. Very excited to get started)

But then I thought 'Hold on. Blood rushes to an erection, right? Um... would blood loss affect that???'

So now I'm here.

How much blood would one need to lose before it could make a man go soft?

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q7y7dp

‼️‼️HOLY FUCKING SHIT‼️‼️‼️‼️ IS THAT A MOTHERFUCKER MADNESS COMBAT REFERENCE??????!!!!!!!!!!11!1!1!1!1!1!1 😱!😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 MADNESS COMBAT IS THE BEST FUCKING SHOW 🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯 THE PLUS SIGNS ARE GRUNT!!!!!➕➕➕➕➕➕➕🟥🟥🟥🟥🟥 HAHAHAHAHAH NEVADA, SOMEWHERE IN NEVADA 🏢🏢🏢🏢🏢🏢🏢🏢🏢WHY DOES HE HAVE RED GOGGLES AND A NINJA OUTFIT YOU COPIED HAAAAANK 🤬😡🤬😡🤬😡🤬🤬😡🤬🤬😡 OH YOU LIKE MADNESS COMBAT? NAME EVERY CHARACTER 🔫😠🔫😠🔫😠🔫😠🔫😠 BLENDER❗️❗️OMG I SAW A CLOWN IN NEVADA HOLY SHIIT DUDE❗️❗️NEVADAAAAA❗️PLUS SIGN IS A GRRRRRUNNNNNTTTTTT ➕➕➕➕❗️JESUS 🔫😇❗️❗️MOTHERFUCKER❗️❗️❗️ BLENDERBLENDERBLENDERBLENDER❗️HANKFUCKEDABLENDERLMAO 😏👉👌❗️ ++++++++++++++++++++❗️ ❗️COOOKIE AA EEE COOOKIE AA EEE 🍪🍪🍪❗️ ❗️ ❗️ BLENDERRRRRRRR❗️ OH NO SOMEONE HOLDING A STOP SIGN GET YOUR GUNS OUTTTTTT 🔫🔫🔫🔫🛑🛑🛑🛑🛑❗️ TIKY AND HONK HAHAHAHAHA SO FUCKING FUNNYYY 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q7xjmm

It's fucking satire and it's fucking obvious. Ya'll jerking each other off in this sub is SO fucking annoying like shut your fucking shithole, no One cares wtf you think
oH iTs r/mEmES theY aRE sTuPid *proceeds on getting his dick sucked off in the comments*
Legit. Shut the fuck up. You are not morally Better or funnier than other people cus you think so
And to conclude: the best fucking way to be funny is laughing at the absurdity of this things
A meta joke. But URRR r/memes STUPID XDDDD

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q7wixs

two anime girls having sex.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q7v9km

REPEAT AFTER ME SOLDIERS

I AM A SOLDIER

I will stand against porn, Not gonna touch my horn.

I am signing a form, To fight against storm.

Nofap is the community I pick, I promise not to play with my dick.

Urge is the thing I will fight, Bringing my life into light.

I will stop this shit,
Will make my life fit.

This pleasure is fake, This is a big mistake.

NOFAP IS THE KEY WHO'S WITH ME ?

(Use this emoji if you're with me)☝

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q7uso7

It is hard to explain why it feels so erotic, so delicious, so good to have a man’s straining cock in my mouth when we’ve found a way past the awkward small talk, past any feelings of confusion . . . when we realize that it’s just so natural and undefined, and so intimate. For me, I love burying my nose and tongue in his sack, tonguing and licking it, losing myself in his musky scent, feeling his flesh growing, straining, and I especially love it if I feel him moaning, giving in to the feelings. It’s a kind of connection where I don’t know who’s being passive. And when I taste the precum I’m in another realm, craving his release. God it feels so natural, so erotic when the spasms come and I taste his sticky seed squirting, coating my throat. And then I love the lingering taste as I swallow. And I love kissing the tip, teasing out every drop, then working his ball sack again. Sometimes I’ll keep sucking that flesh after it’s spent, wanting more :)

It is so erotic and liberating to sensuously take someone over that edge, losing myself in the moment, my taste buds bathed in his cream as he gives me everything he’s got. As long as he’s not acting weird or disconnected, if he goes with me over that edge, it is beautiful and mysterious. And natural. And for a man like me who’s always wondered how I could not feel a strong attraction to a male, not feeling “gay,” I’ve always wondered how the act of sucking cock can feel so natural, so special.

I can’t explain it, I just love it :)

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q7ub9t

I'm going to start off this post by paraphrasing here; Each generation has its own pokewaifu. Primarina is simply better than the lot of them. You may have heard stories of Vaporeon, liquid enough to turn itself white of cum, heard tales of Flareon, able to warm up your dick faster than a microwave, and stories of Vaporeon, which kills you the moment you climax. No. These are all fodder-based furrytraps. Do not be fooled. The real masters of Pokemon Sex are Primarina and Gardevoir. First, lets take a look at Primarina; specifically her Pokedex entry. " For Primarina, every battle's a stage. Its singing and the dancing of its balloons will mesmerize the audience. ",
With its mouth, it makes sonic waves that sound like beautiful singing. It uses the sonic waves to control its water balloons. "

This obviously means that even if it is impenetrable, it easily has the best mouth game in all of the Pokemon, being able to use sonic waves to be a human vibrator for your dick/vag. Now, you might be saying, is that it? No. Since Primarina can control water itself, that means you can even have water giving you a blowjob. It can learn Play Rough, which I don't have to explain along with Liquidification which means said Pokemon can literally turn into water, being able to serve multiple genitalia, possibly an entire beach's worth if it really tried. It can learn Baby Doll Eyes for extra effect, and for the finisher, it can learn Draining Kiss by TM, which, I'm sure you can piece together.

​

Gardevoir: The real one, now, you see, whilst Primarina has the best mouthgame, Gardevoir outclasses it in everything else. Whilst it may look basic, it's a Psychic-type; this is important. All psychic types automatically are the superiors at handjobs and fingering- using their telekinesis, they could very likely make you cum without any if not no effort. Now for the reason Gardevoirs special: it can read your mind. This may seem like a bad thing at first, but no. Gardevoir will create waves of psychokinetic energy to protect its trainer- even equating to a small black hole. It will give its life for you, so as the process of elimination, it will also give pleasure to you. Advancing onto its moveset, it can learn many, many things. It can learn Draining Kiss simply by level up removing the questionable want to even ask for the TM, can also learn Future Sight to know what you want before you even ask it, and can learn
Endure by TM if you want to get rough with it (Bit low of a base defense stat.) It can learn Attract which basically as seen in the show gets ALL male pokemon hard, unless your clueless, it can learn Wonder Room if you want to be particularly rough with it, Teleport if you got a little too handsy in public, and its Mega form even practically has a wedding dress, not to mention the far increased stats making it tank more. Even if you're drained of all your cum, it can use Healing Pulse/Life Dew and instantly get you back in the game.

​

Overall, I plan to make a part two of this, as I see LOTS of misinformation in the pokemon sex world. Goodbye.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q7ta41

In the song "What does the fox say?", I personally believe the fox and it's speaking capabilities are actually a metaphor for our current society and the way that major news corporations manipulate that masses by projecting their political views on them. The "fox" is one such example, as no where in the song does it say what the fox says, and it's purpose is to demonstrate how easy it is to cut vital information out of a text without the reader noticing.

Pretty deep if you ask me

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q7t6r7

Hello, (username) I noticed you have a profile picture of a very beautiful (but also intelligent looking!) female, and I am under the presumption that this goddess is you? It is quite astonishing to see a female here in the heart official discord. I am quite popular around here in this server, so if you require any guidance, please, throw me a mention. I will assist you at any hour, day or night. And, before you are mistaken, I do not seek your hand in a romantic way; although, I am not opposed to the event you are interested in me, as many women often are. I am a man of standard, and I do not bow to just any female that comes my way, unlike my peers... So rest assured that I will not be in the way of your gaming and socializing experience. Consider me a Player 2... a companion, a partner, and perhaps we can enjoy some video games together some time. I see you play Minecraft, and are you good at mini games? I am a mini-game aficionado, so I would be happy to assist you in games. Platonically of course, unless you (like many others) change your mind on that. I look forward to our future together (as friends of course).

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q7rupb

Haha I haven’t had this problem since my gf taught me this fun irl cheat code.

You see, my little lady likes to play a trick on me. if I sleep in and she wakes up before me she likes to jerk me off a little bit to wake me up. This is always sexy and used to get me right up for the day!

Unfortunately, my sleeping body has gotten used to this so it needs a little more stimulation. Now, if I don’t wake up for the morning jerks, she takes her reusable straw over to her ant farm. She will coax an ant or two into the straw. Then she puts the straw down my shaft (this is easy because I have been sounding for years now) and blows the ants into it. The tingling of the ants inside is enough to stimulate me and wake me up.

Of course, I cum. A lot. It almost always pushes the straw and ants out of my shaft and onto my belly while I lay there in euphoric ecstasy. I’m talking pure. Sexual. Pleasure. Don’t worry, she always wipes me down and puts the ants back in their home so no harm is done!

I get it, it’s not for everyone. But it’s adorable and gets a laugh out of me every time. I love that girl!

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q7q3nh

I will tell you the truth of it.

Masturbation will decrease the erection rate and strength of holding on to the erection. After you quit masturbation your sex sessions will in hours. You will be able to do more foreplay, love your partner more, multiple ejaculations, and of course fuck like a pitbull.
Coming to ur Chicken tikka. No fap over a long period of time WILL INCREASE YOUR DICK GIRTH AND LENGTH SURELY. THE MOST OBSERVABLE ONE IS THE GIRTH. It will increase by atleast 1 inch in length (GIRTH) . You will start to doubt that if any pussi*s can even handle the GIRTH. Your chicken tikka will UPGRADE itself to beef tikka. Kind of a Pokemon evolution.

Remember ONE YEAR OR MORE. Sleep within 12 am, and rest more at night. Stop watching porn and masturbation.

The people who are saying that masturbation doesn't do this and this are the idiots of the donkey land.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q7q0p4

IS THAT A MOTHERFRICKING SQUID GAME REFERENCE??????!!!!!!!!!!11!1!1!1!1!1!1! 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱

😱😱😱 HOLY FREAKING CRAP‼️‼️‼️‼️ IS THAT A MOTHERFRICKING SQUID GAME REFERENCE??????!!!!!!!!!!11!1!1!1!1!1!1! 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱 SQUID GAME IS THE BEST FREAKING SHOW 🔥🔥🔥🔥💯💯💯💯 GI-HUN IS SO HOTTTTT 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🥵🥵🥵🥵🥵 COME PLAY DDJAKI WITH ME 🟥🟦🟥🟦🟥🟦🟥🟦🟥🟦🟥🟦 YOU CAN PAY WITH YOUR BODY 🖐😟👊😟🖐😟👊😟🖐😟👊😟 MUGUNGHWA KKOCI PIEOT SEUMNIDA 🔫😠🔫😠🔫😠🔫😠🔫😠 What’s the game❓ What’s the game!❓ ❓ What’s the game!❓ ❓ What’s the game! What’s the game!❓ What’s the game! ❓ What’s the game!❓ ❓ What’s the game! ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ What’s the game!What’s the game!What’s the game! What’s the game!What’s the game!What’s the game What’s the game!❓ What’s the game! ❓ What’s the game!What’s the game❓ ❓ What’s the game! ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ What’s the game! ❓ What’s the game! ❓ What’s the game!❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ What’s the game! ❓ ❓ What’s the game!❓ What’s the game! ❓ ❓ What’s the game!❓ ❓ What’s the game! ❓ What’s the game!What’s the game! ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ What’s the game!❓ ❓ ❓ What’s the game!❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ What’s the game! ❓ What’s the game! What’s the game!What’s the game!What’s the game! What’s the game! ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ ❓ Oh no you failed the game!👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀 Player 69420 eliminated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂 r/squidgamememes r/unexpectedsquidgame r/expectedsquidgame perfectly balanced as all things should be😇😀😃😇😀😃😇😀😃😇😀😃😇😀😃😇😀😃Why is there no squid🦑 in squid game?😂Why is there no squid🦑 in squid game?😂Why is there no squid🦑 in squid game?😂Why is there no squid🦑 in squid game?😂Why is there no squid🦑 in squid game?😂Why is there no squid🦑 in squid game?😂Why is there no squid🦑 in squid game?😂 Your my💕Gganbu😚❤❤❤Your my💕Gganbu😚❤❤❤Your my💕Gganbu😚❤❤❤Your my💕Gganbu😚❤❤❤Your my💕Gganbu😚❤❤❤Your my💕Gganbu😚❤❤❤

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q7pbrh

As a child in China, you’re pretty much an athlete-in-training when you’re not in school.

When I was 17, I got my first job working for my aunt and uncle in their Jewelry Emporium in Guangdong. I was already 6’1”, 195lbs of muscle and hair gel. They would have me work the foremost counter near the entrance for instances like this.

In my first week there, I caught two women shoplifting and attempting to flee. The second one punched me straight in my testicle, rupturing my testicle sack and leaving me in the emergency room for over 3 weeks.

Upon my return, I was greeted with cake and balloons. Then my aunt told me to go back to the foremost counter. I believe it was all but 4 days before the next shoplifter came in. I was ready this time, however. The man ran at me to go through the doors, but when I went to grab him, he tried to kick me in my testicle sack.

I successfully protected my testicles. My uncle and aunt died the following year.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q7nzsj

I wish I could watch LEGO have sex, ya know? And I'm talking about REAL sex, not some guy clacking these little people against each other against their will. I want to see sentient LEGO people have consensual sex. And I want it to be a very voyeuristic experience. I don't want the LEGO people to know I'm watching them, to know that I know they come alive when no one is around. I want to peep on them. I want them to go into the little sex house I built for them and have nasty, wild LEGO sex. That's what I want to see. Is that so hard? Is that so much to ask?

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q7mp7n