Actually think about the nature of women. If the world were a school classroom, where over half the students had delicious candy, that they don’t even eat themselves, but refused to give to the other half the class, you’d think that group of students was an asshole. And so they are. Women are that in our world. Think about it rationally. They have these huge sacks that are just filled to the brim with delicious milk at all times and REFUSE to even consider sharing. They even made super strict laws about trying to steal their yummy milk from them. You could go to prison for decades. Just for stealing something they have an endless supply of that they don’t even use. What reason could there be for such cruel behavior? It’s seemingly not benefiting them. Until you realize our suffering is the point. They want us to perpetually want for their tasty milk. They want to keep us in an eternal state of submission. Hoping that one day we can partake in their exquisite milk. That makes us compliant. Think about it rationally.

Cease the means of milk production! Human dairy farms now!

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q57yiy

Speaking of squids, rather krakkens I suppose, what's the difference? Nobody gives a shit is the answer. So speaking of krakkens... Reminds me of high school history class. I sat next to a true Squidma Male if there ever was one.

Fun Fact: I went to school with the son of one of the main guys that did the art designs for pirates of the Caribbean. His biggest project he oversaw was the krakken that Davy Jones summoned.

You know, the one that Jack Sparrow went "Ello bestie...." Very brutishly as he just walked into it's fucking mouth with a knife. That krakken took years of manpower and skill to design and create.

How do I know this? His son I went to school with was in my History class and never shut the fuck up about. Like ever. Anytime an ocean was brought up in history class, doesn't matter the time period, doesn't matter the culture studied. He will bring up squids and the fucking krakken.

I don't understand, did this get him laid once? I mean if so, good for him. I will never cock block or clam jam even my greatest enemy. But holy fuck dude it is not necessary to bring up krakkens during every navy battle the English and French had in the 19th century.

He only brought it up when shit involved the ocean in any way. Somehow the genocide of the natives lessons was spared, but other topics not so lucky.

It's certainly not appropriate to bring it up when we were discussing the Atlantic slave trade. Like holy shit bro what the fuck are you doing. Also, isn't the krakken technically a slave? I mean Davy Jones just summons it and tells it to do whatever he wants. I don't see any pay stubs or autonomy, sounds slavery-ish to me.

So now you are trying to talk to me about a giant slave squid while we are discussing the atrocities of the slave trade. Like we are looking at a projector slide of a fat white man with a mustache and bowler hat selling black people and you are whispering in my ear how the krakken would destroy the slavers ships.

I mean, I guess your dad did design the krakken, so you probably know the lore better than anyone. So fine, whatever dude, I guess the krakken that ate Johnny Depp from pirates of the Caribbean 2 is a slave liberator. That he was planning to overthrow Davy Jones at his best opportunity and was simply hiding their time. Freeing others from the tyranny of bondage as a true tentacled Ally to the oppressed. Nightmare to the oppressor.

Now that I am typing this out loud it kinda does sound badass, maybe I can see why you brought it up so much. The krakken is pretty based.

Fair enough you stupid squid loving piece of shit.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q576ys

Fuck, the girl on the right probably has such a tight wet pussy. Lefty doesn’t know how lucky they are if I were them I would ram that girl’s fuckholes so hard with my (very big) dick that she would spray cum from her nose. please please please god make her real so I can pound her brains out, ohhhhhhh god PLEASE!

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q4oyye

You're a filthy piece of shit, I sincerely hope, from the bottom of my heart, you will get cancer and suffer. I will try to dream about your agony and I hope you will utter your last words, which will probably be "i'm a failure". fucking faggot, i hope your entire hous burns to the ground with you inside, slowly inhaling the toxic fumes, making it increasingly harder to breathe. You'll cry for your parents but then you realize you were adopted. Figures, nobody could like or love for that matter such a gigantic faggot like you. I bet you go the McDonalds daily and order a 'McFuckin Killme', fucking piece of human trash, eat your own shit and die, you're a disgrace to everyone and everything around you. I hope you will get every kind of disease mankind has known and I hope it will last for eternity so you can experience the fucked up pain you deserve, fucking fag

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q55jvf

It was summer so my parents were off at work and I had the place to myself. So of course as a rookie masturbator I was nude in the bathroom with a Vaselined-up clay tube, humping for Jesus. That's when I heard somebody opening the front door at a time of day when nobody should have been opening the front door. With catlike reflexes I withdrew and Carl Lewised back to my room, put my gym shorts and t-shirt back on, tucked the boner behind the waistband, laid on the bed under the covers and pretended I had been watching tv.

Turns out it was my dad and his important boss in their suits and ties. They were heading back to the office after returning from a trip outside of the city and were just stopping off at our place to use the bathroom.

The bathroom.

The bathroom where my crude gray-green clay vagina and an open tub of Vaseline were sitting on the sink counter by the toilet. Where the boss was peeing. With nothing to look at while he peed but my clay girlfriend and open tub of the one lube so associated with masturbation (back then) that its original uses had long been forgotten.

When he came out of the bathroom, my dad had me introduce myself. With a barely restrained deflating boner threatening to flop forward into ramming position any second, I shook his hand with my unmistakably Vaseline-y hand, just to go ahead and close the circle on what he was already thinking.

Ohhh the shame. The guilt! Sorry dad! I'm so sorry!

tl;dr: Shook my dad's boss's hand with the Vaselined hand I had just been using to lube up my John Thomas and the homemade clay vagina I had accidentally left out for him to see.

[original comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/q4rqxq/pottery_is_hard/hg0p6tr?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q54voh

Sister. 🤧👱 I've 🙅 noticed 🙀 that 💬 your 🐦 reddit 👽 avatar is not 🚫❌ wearing 👙👙 a hijab. 🧕 When 🍆⏰ you 👈 wear 👙 a hijab, 🧕 you 😀 are obeying the commandments of Allah, and you 🚫🙏 can expect 📝 great ❤️ rewards in 🎁🔙👏 return. 🔙 It is allah's protection of your 🤗🍑 natural 👉 beauty. 👄 You 👉🏻 are too 😎 precious 💰💰 to be 🐝🏻 "on 🔛🔼 display" for.every man 🕴 to see. 🙈 It is allah's preservation of your 💃 chastity. Allah purifies your 😏 heart 💕 and mind 🤯 through 🧑‍⚖️ the hijab. 🧕 Allah raises the dignity 🙍 through 🧑‍⚖️ the hijab. 🧕 When ⏰ a strange man 🦸🏾‍♂️ looks 💉💯 at you, 🤟😀🤟😀🤟😀 he 📷 respects you 👆 because 2️⃣0️⃣2️⃣1️⃣ he 👨 sees 👀 that 🏻 you 👈🏽 respect 🤬♀️ yourself. 🚶‍♂️🚶‍♂️ And this applies to your 🙅🏿 reddit 👃👽 avatar as well. 👀

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q53ycd

Mfw (my face when) the woman who sprayed me with 5 dollar pepper spray and slapped me with a shitty judo chop thought it would stop the .50 caliber round from a Desert Eagle traveling at 1542 ft/s that struck her right lung then pierced right though her to hit a man in the mouth, knocking his jaw off. (I’m stunned!)

Mfw (my fuck when) I’m surrounded by multiple police officers at gun point demanding me to get down on the ground and put my hands up for gunning down a woman and a man, then telling them “i do a little trolling officers” before proceeding to levitate off the ground, reciting words in a language mortals haven’t understand before commencing the trollage. I peel of my frail, human skin and clawed deep into my muscles to pull out my veins, as they have served no purpose now. Wrapping them around myself I become the horror. The unspeakable creature born out of pure vile. I rise above the officers to the sky. Any laymen who dared venture a look would add to the true power, sapping them of their soul to consume, rendering them useless husks of bone and meat. I rise higher above mere mortals, reaching the sky I look down at the ground, at those I walked among as and smiled, whispering “Trolled” before tearing the gentle fabric of reality in twain, causing immense unprecedented pain. every person feeling their atoms, cells, nerves, muscles, veins, organs, and skin, along with whatever vestigial baggage slowly being ripped apart and turned to ash. “Le problem?” My voice booms over the screaming of billions, many which have turned to ash or simply ceased to exist. Those unfortunate few who still are lucid enough to understand the words pouring from my mouth will perish in a pill of ash knowing they just got dunked on

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q53dms

THE BALLS SAGA:

Balls, Part 1:

Balls on the walls,
Balls in your jaws,
We shall,
Us all,
Fall.
To our knees,
Finally free,
From this imprisonment,
Indeed, we all do agree.


Balls, Part 2:

Hungry, we crawl,
Seeking the ultimate meal above all:
Balls.

Its magnificent texture,
Its illustrious taste,
How they dissolve in our mouths,
In an impressive haste,
Truly, balls are based!

They fill our stomachs,
Satisfy our souls,
Give sustenance to our many holes.

Balls, the Great Caller,
They make us right,
Fulfill our many needs,
And every plight.


Balls, Part 3:

They smack,
They flap,
They wallop,
Even gallop,
Balls:
An encyclopedia of onomatopoeias.

Left unkempt,
Sweaty and sebaceous,
These nether globes
Let an ungracious stench!

Balls, Part 4, “The Jar:”

Glistening jar,
High upon the shelves,
Alone with me now,
In a room by ourselves.

My Rainbow-Dash figurine,
Dressed in a yellowy white,
Leads her eyes to me,
Her a charming, handsome knight.

She begs for me,
To fill her up,
I’ll do more,
No,
The entire cup!

I hastily grab,
My equestrian lover,
I fulfill my duty,
And I begin to cover.

With God given milk,
Sticky and holy,
I fill up the jar,
Albeit slowly.

A pleasant experience,
I’ll never forget,
Me and my pony,
An erotic duet.

But now,
She’s gone,
Below the layers,
I’ll always remember her,
In my prayers.

I hope she enjoys,
Her thick crusty tomb,
So sad she never knew,
This would be her Doom.


Balls, Part 5, “Discord:”

Once opened,
All is left behind,
Moving across, the light encases my room,
A false moon,
Its phosphorescent glow hungrily devouring all,
My Balls not left uncalled,
I bawl,
“My Balls!” I mourn
“My flawless Gonads,”
Mad, the tears aren’t any less,
”In my ineptitude, I have forsaken you!”
“Bored, left to blaze in the light of Discord!”

My balls forlorn,
Morose, a miserable gray at my screen’s unholy display,
I click the link, my Soul asunder and unlinked,
Images abound,
The destruction of my Whole left to Sheol:
Greed made freed,
Lust to bust,
Earth to Earth,
Ashes to Ashes,
And Dust to Dust.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q52vj5

So my wife is pregnant with our first child and we are about 3 weeks away from the due date. Been a while since we've gotten tangled up in the sheets, so we decided to give it a go. Things go great, but 30 minutes later my wife thinks she peed herself, so she gets up, goes over to the toilet, and proceeds to leak clear fluid from her vagina. She calls me over to check where the fluid is coming from as she thinks she broke her water (same thing happened about 2 weeks ago, but just a small amount of fluid compared to this). We shrug it off, lay back in bed, and then it happens again. We think to ourselves "oh shit, this may be real". Then she starts getting a contraction, not one she normally gets, no, this one is stronger and lasts a lot longer than usual.

4 hours later I sit here in the hospital next to her bed, she's 8 cm dilated, epidural given, and now we're waiting for our 1st child to arrive!

TL;DR fucked my wife into labor 3 weeks early

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q51q72

Did you have clay as a kid? I did. I made mine into a vagina and fucked it.

It was summer so my parents were off at work and I had the place to myself. So of course as a rookie masturbator I was nude in the bathroom with a Vaselined-up clay tube, humping for Jesus. That's when I heard somebody opening the front door at a time of day when nobody should have been opening the front door. With catlike reflexes I withdrew and Carl Lewised back to my room, put my gym shorts and t-shirt back on, tucked the boner behind the waistband, laid on the bed under the covers and pretended I had been watching tv.

Turns out it was my dad and his important boss in their suits and ties. They were heading back to the office after returning from a trip outside of the city and were just stopping off at our place to use the bathroom.

The bathroom.

The bathroom where my crude gray-green clay vagina and an open tub of Vaseline were sitting on the sink counter by the toilet. Where the boss was peeing. With nothing to look at while he peed but my clay girlfriend and open tub of the one lube so associated with masturbation (back then) that its original uses had long been forgotten.

When he came out of the bathroom, my dad had me introduce myself. With a barely restrained deflating boner threatening to flop forward into ramming position any second, I shook his hand with my unmistakably Vaseline-y hand, just to go ahead and close the circle on what he was already thinking.

Ohhh the shame. The guilt! Sorry dad! I'm so sorry!

tl;dr: Shook my dad's boss's hand with the Vaselined hand I had just been using to lube up my John Thomas and the homemade clay vagina I had accidentally left out for him to see.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q50zc9

Did you have clay as a kid? I did. I made mine into a vagina and fucked it.

It was summer so my parents were off at work and I had the place to myself. So of course as a rookie masturbator I was nude in the bathroom with a Vaselined-up clay tube, humping for Jesus. That's when I heard somebody opening the front door at a time of day when nobody should have been opening the front door. With catlike reflexes I withdrew and Carl Lewised back to my room, put my gym shorts and t-shirt back on, tucked the boner behind the waistband, laid on the bed under the covers and pretended I had been watching tv.

Turns out it was my dad and his important boss in their suits and ties. They were heading back to the office after returning from a trip outside of the city and were just stopping off at our place to use the bathroom.

The bathroom.

The bathroom where my crude gray-green clay vagina and an open tub of Vaseline were sitting on the sink counter by the toilet. Where the boss was peeing. With nothing to look at while he peed but my clay girlfriend and open tub of the one lube so associated with masturbation (back then) that its original uses had long been forgotten.

When he came out of the bathroom, my dad had me introduce myself. With a barely restrained deflating boner threatening to flop forward into ramming position any second, I shook his hand with my unmistakably Vaseline-y hand, just to go ahead and close the circle on what he was already thinking.

Ohhh the shame. The guilt! Sorry dad! I'm so sorry!

tl;dr: Shook my dad's boss's hand with the Vaselined hand I had just been using to lube up my John Thomas and the homemade clay vagina I had accidentally left out for him to see.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q505eu

Wow, WOW. Did you just really use a copypasta to respond to me? Instead of giving a proper response or ending the conversation like a sane person, you just use a copypasta and think you're a smartass? Guess what, i'm the one who is smart and you are the one who is an ass; because you just think copy and pasting something will get you to be in 1st place. Fucking speak to people properly instead of using one of those shitty lines of text.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q4zjpg

The human whose name is written in this note shall die.
This note will not take effect unless the writer has the person's face in their mind when writing his/her name. Therefore, people sharing the same name will not be affected.
If the cause of death is written within the next 40 seconds of writing the person's name, it will happen.
If the cause of death is not specified, the person will simply die of a heart attack.
After writing the cause of death, details of the death should be written in the next 6 minutes and 40 seconds.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q4ysra

Did you have clay as a kid? I did. I made mine into a vagina and fucked it.

It was summer so my parents were off at work and I had the place to myself. So of course as a rookie masturbator I was nude in the bathroom with a Vaselined-up clay tube, humping for Jesus. That's when I heard somebody opening the front door at a time of day when nobody should have been opening the front door. With catlike reflexes I withdrew and Carl Lewised back to my room, put my gym shorts and t-shirt back on, tucked the boner behind the waistband, laid on the bed under the covers and pretended I had been watching tv.

Turns out it was my dad and his important boss in their suits and ties. They were heading back to the office after returning from a trip outside of the city and were just stopping off at our place to use the bathroom.

The bathroom.

The bathroom where my crude gray-green clay vagina and an open tub of Vaseline were sitting on the sink counter by the toilet. Where the boss was peeing. With nothing to look at while he peed but my clay girlfriend and open tub of the one lube so associated with masturbation (back then) that its original uses had long been forgotten.

When he came out of the bathroom, my dad had me introduce myself. With a barely restrained deflating boner threatening to flop forward into ramming position any second, I shook his hand with my unmistakably Vaseline-y hand, just to go ahead and close the circle on what he was already thinking.

Ohhh the shame. The guilt! Sorry dad! I'm so sorry!

tl;dr: Shook my dad's boss's hand with the Vaselined hand I had just been using to lube up my John Thomas and the homemade clay vagina I had accidentally left out for him to see.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q4x6n2

I am a 17 year old boy and I want to do what it says above. I have researched very well and I think I am more than capable to do it or at least, make a lot of young people stop believing in that and make most people base everything on the scientific method.

For that, I'm going to study astrophysics, and 2 other careers that don't have much to do with that, it would be more for pleasure.

This is an evil that has to end as soon as possible and that in my opinion, is not given so much importance because "you have to respect" when it should be the opposite.

I would be more than happy if there were more people with my objective. At least I want to convince people who speak my language (Spanish) that there has never been any deity that watches over you when you do your intimate things.

Before I was aiming to have a lot of money and live a relaxed life, since my 2 careers may allow me to do that (cybersecurity and computer engineering) but I have this between my eyebrows and I don't think I will change my mind.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q4x3qi

Yes this is a throwaway. CREEPY MEN STAY THE FUCK AWAY I AM GAY AS HELL AND NO YOU CANT CHANGE MY MIND THANKS. My gf and I have been together for three years and we’ve known our 6 friends (who are all gay/bi girls) for a few years. We’re extremely comfortable with them and we talk about our sex lives all the time with them. They know we have a fetish where we get turned on having sex with people watching so we made it happen. Our friends were eager to see us lol. We fucked on our bed and in the living room while they watched us. They cheered us on the whole time and it made both of us cum so hard. Can’t wait to do it again.

Edit: I guess for some context I should’ve included what we look like. I’m super girly and wear acrylics all the time. My hair is long straight and black I have brown eyes I’m tall and thin but slightly curvy. My gf dresses like a guy and she’s tall and thin blonde hair green eyes. She fucked me with and without a strap on.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q4w3qw

A boy with a skirt? Whoa mama! Hummina hummina hummina bazooooooooing! eyes pop out AROOOOOOOOGA! jaw drops tongue rolls out WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF tongue bursts out of the mouth uncontrollably leaking face and everything in reach WURBLWUBRLBWURblrwurblwurlbrwubrlwburlwbruwrlblwublr tiny cupid shoots an arrow through heart Ahhhhhhhhhhh me lady... \*heart in the shape of a heart starts beating so hard you can see it through shirt \* ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum ba-bum milk truck crashes into a bakery store in the background spiling white liquid and dough on the streets BABY WANTS TO FUCK *inhales from the gas tank* honka honka honka honka \~masturabtes furiously ohhhh my gooooodd\~

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q4uxhi

The familiar logo appeared onscreen, the player holding it soon tapping on the dual-screen portable's bottom screen to begin playing.

He wasn't sure what to play--Luigi's Mansion: Dark Moon?

Mighty Switch Force?

Maybe even check his Swapnotes?

Well, maybe not the Swapnotes.

That's something he could always do later.

Deciding to do a bit of ghost busting, the player tapped on the small picture of Luigi with the 3DS's stylus.

The usual "ding!" sound played as the game started to boot up.

The 3DS logo appeared, and the top and bottom screens faded to black.

The player waited.

The Luigi's Mansion: Dark Moon logo didn't appear.

The Nintendo 3DS logo didn't re-appear, either.

Simply two black screens.

The player groaned in frustration, his right thumb heading for the 'Power' button.

"Hey, don't do that!"

The player paused--did the game finally start up?

The voice he heard wasn't Luigi's, or even E. Gadd's gibberish, so it couldn't have been the game.

Ignoring the protest he told himself he imagined, his thumb rest over the power button once again.

"Don't do that! Hey, stop! I'm talking to you!"

Okay, that time he definitely heard something.

The player stared at the 3DS in both surprise and a bit of fear, watching as the two black screens turned into a bright white.

The light was almost blinding for a moment, but soon dimmed--in place of the blank space was now a digital smile, complete with two eyes above it; there was a smiling face on the top screen.

"Thank you, finally! I certainly didn't need you to turn me off, especially after how much you turn me on!"

The face's mouth was moving, and it was speaking perfect (albeit a bit digitized) English.

The player wasn't sure whether to toss the 3DS against a wall and run, or continue watching.

For curiosity's sake, he kept a firm grip on the handheld.

The face on-screen was beginning to change: the eyes now had eyelashes, a pink blush covered the face's now-apparent cheeks, and the friendly smile was now a sultry grin.

The 3DS was a girl.

Yes, the 3DS was turning into a girl via the screen.

"Hey, could you do me a favor?" The 3DS spoke up again.

The top screen's face gave the player a wink.

The player didn't respond, only looked confused at the portable's request.

"You remember when I said how much you turn me on? Well, I meant it!"

Well, yes, the player did turn the system on when he wanted to play with it.

"Yeah, you know my stylus? You're still holding it, right? Let me use my camera and look at ya!"

The 3DS's camera suddenly focused on the player, his face appearing on the bottom screen.

Without moving the 3DS, the camera moved to focus on his hand, which did indeed hold the stylus.

"There it is! Now, would you put it back in the little hole?"

The player nodded at his portable for some reason and re-inserted the stylus into its "hole."

The bottom screen turned from the camera's focus back to a white screen, and the face on the top screen had a line of digital drool running down it.

"Do it again, 'kay? Take it out and put it back in, but do it faster!"

This face gave him a wink, and a 16-bit-looking tongue licked the face's lips.

"Faster, and you can put it in a bit rougher, too! I'm made of Nintendium, so I'll be fine!"

The player was still shocked at the idea of his 3DS speaking to him, but decided it would be best not to anger it.

Anger her.

It?

Her?

He wasn't sure.

The player pulled the stylus away from the console, waiting a moment before pushing it back in.

He heard a digitized moan in response.

Although feeling ridiculous, the player held the bottom of the stylus and began to quickly push the entire length into the portable, then back out, and in again, as fast as he could.

The 3DS's feminine voice grew much louder, the machine responding with pleasured moaning, along with "Yes!" and "More!"

The player continued "fucking" the 3DS with "her" own stylus, rapidly thrusting (if you could call it that) the plastic stick into and out of it at a much rougher pace, slightly worried about breaking it.

He trusted 3DS's claim of "Nintendium strength" so he continued, starting to enjoy the sounds he heard.

"Go faster! Come on, fuck me!" The 3DS squealed in girlish delight.

The face's eyes were now closed, the mouth open as moans continued to blast from the speakers.

"Fuck me harder!"

The player did as he was asked, moving the stylus into the portable faster and pushing a bit rougher each time.

The 3DS continued to moan, but "her" eyes fluttered open while the stylus continued to thrust inside.

"Hey, is your dick hard? You're a boy, right? Take it out and angle me, I wanna see it!"

The player blushed at the 3DS's request--what the hell, right?

He's already "fucking" the thing, after all.

Fumbling with his left hand, he unzipped and unfastened his jeans, pushing them down until he could pull his erection from his boxers.

He moved the 3DS down, angling the camera until his erection appeared on the bottom screen.

"Oh, wow! You have a huge cock!" The 3DS exclaimed, her face looking very excited. "Quick, pull me back up and look at my lower screen!"

The player quickly pulled the system up to eye-level and looked down--the blank screen was replaced by a 16-bit open pussy, a small trail of "juices" running down the screen.

"You can fuck me, ya know." The 3DS continued to speak. "You can't do much, I know, but you can put your cock on the screen. It's touch-sensitive, so I'll totally feel it. Just keep fucking me with the stylus, okay?"

The player thought this was taking things a bit far.

Putting his dick on the screen?

Isn't that a bit much?

Well, he did buy a screen protector, after all.

This was probably a good time to see how well it worked.

Maybe it was some kind of weird condom in this situation.

He lowered the 3DS to his crotch and lazily flopped his erection over the pussy on the bottom screen.

The 3DS let out a gasp, the drooling, moaning face turning to one of surprised as the player started to gently rub his dick against the screen while rapidly shoving the stylus into and out, as the 3DS wanted.

"Keep it up! Fuck me and rub my pussy with your hard dick!" The 3DS moaned. “What’s your name? I want to know what to moan.”

The pleasured moans from the speakers turned into quick, short gasps--was the 3DS close to an orgasm?

“Fuck... my names Demetri.”

The pussy on the bottom screen began to "drip" more as the player moved his cock on it.

The stylus was moving as fast as the player could manage now.

"That's it! Fuck me! Fuck me! Cum on my touch screen!"

Demetri started to flop his cock on the touch screen, gently rubbing against it.

The screen was warm, the sensation helping his orgasm approach even faster.

The 3DS's sounds were nothing but gasps and moans now, the face now filled with a "fucked silly" expression.

"Come on, that's it! Right there, more! More! I-I'm CUMMING!"

The player quickly pulled himself away, watching as the pussy on the lower screen actually hit climax, "dripping" more and "leaking" on the screen.

Placing his cock back on the warm screen, the player's orgasm hit as well, cum leaking onto the touch screen.

He shoved the stylus inside one last time, this getting another moan of pleasure plus a second climax from his portable.

"Oh wow ... Your cum's so warm on my touch screen, it feels awesome!" The 3DS praised the player. "Don't clean it off yet, 'kay? I promise, it'll clean off fine and it won't damage me."

The player nodded, dressing himself again and zipping his jeans back up.

The 3DS's face was a wide smile, winking at him.

"Touching is good, huh?"

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q4tkpo

CHEER UP BROTHERS! 🍻 IT'S TIME TO GO 🏇 A VIKING ⚔ WE NEED TO KILL ☠ ⚰ CHRISTIANS AND RAID 🗡🏹 THE MONESTARY ⛪ AND GET THAT GOLD 🏆 GOLD👑 GOLD 🏆 TO BRING BACK HOME 🏠 AND CELEBRATE IN THE NAME OF LEIF ERIKSON 🥳 RAAAAGGHHHH ⛵⛵⛵

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q4rygo

Before I begin my actual comment, I would like to apologize in advance for my inadequate level of English proficiency. I am not a native speaker of the world's current lingua franca which unfortunately leads to me making numerous embarrassing mistakes being made whenever I attempt to communicate using this language. Whenever I am reminded of how I lack the ability to convey my thoughts in an eloquent manner, I feel as though I have committed a cardinal sin, as though every English teacher in the world is simultaneously shaking their head and sighing due to how utterly disappointed they are at me.

Although I know that saying sorry to those of you who are reading my comment will not change the fact that I fail miserably to write and speak perfect English, I am writing this as a way to deter a certain type of people who cannot stand poor English (Also known informally as Grammar Nazis) from mocking me by posting unwanted and unnecessary comments detailing my every blunder. In my humble opinion, making grammatical errors should be perfectly acceptable as native speakers should not expect non-native speakers to be able to communicate in their second or third languages eloquently. If you are able to completely understand what the other person wrote, is there really a problem with what they've written? No, because the entire concept of communication is the exchange of information between other intelligent beings, which means that no matter how the exchange of information is made, as long as the information is accurately shared there is not a fundamental issue with their ability to communicate. To see it in another way, remember that someone who isn't fluent in English is fluent in another language. When you think about it this way, isn't it impressive for someone to speak a second language in any capacity? Having empathy and respect are qualities that are sorely missing for far too many people these days, especially on the internet.

That being said, I am aware that not all netizens who correct others are doing it to ridicule and shame. There are some who do so with the intent to help others improve and grow. However, displaying the failures of other people publicly will cause the person who is criticized to feel negative emotions such as shame and sadness due to the fact that their mistake has been made obvious which severely undermines the point they were trying to make in spite of their unfamiliarity with the English language. In most circumstances people are not looking for language help when they post anything online. Most people just want to enjoy themselves and have a good time on the internet which is why I would not encourage correcting other people regardless of your intentions. If you really do want to help others with their spelling or grammar, I would highly recommend you to help via messaging privately because not only will you not embarrass anyone, you can also go more in-depth with your explanation which I'm sure the other person will greatly appreciate if they want help, but I digress. I know that I've written a bit of an essay, but I hope I've made my points clear.

Anyways, here is the comment I wanted to make:

owo

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q4r27t