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Displays only the finest of trash taken from /r/copypasta
Found this on r/dreamgender
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My dreamphobic school

This happened a few days ago. I was looking at fanart of Dream in class. The kid sitting next to me looked over at my computer and then made some insensitive comment about how Dream cheated (obvious Nazi propaganda) and that his videos suck. This made me irritated - yet another Dreamphobe harassing me. I called him out and told him that he was acting Dreamphobic because he was oppressing me, a Dreamsexual person, and then he laughed in my face. He said, "Dreamsexual? Is that when you want to suck Dream's dick or something?" I said yes and he looked at me weirdly and asked if I was joking. I decided to pull up this subreddit to help explain Dreamsexuality and Dreamgender. He said that it "didn't exist" and that we were "just overly-obsessed Dream stans", then said that we were mentally ill. I was livid. I was shaking, too - he doesn't have the right to speak about Dreamsexuality like this. I figured I should follow the advice given to me on this sub before, which is that you should always defend yourself if a Dreamphobe is harassing you. I turn to him and give him a punch to his face (I was only using a bit of power to teach him a lesson). A bunch of people turn around and the entire class was looking at us. My ignorant teacher went over and pulled me into the hall and told me that I was being "highly inappropriate" and violent. I said that the kid was discriminating against my sexuality, but he claimed that didn't warrant me punching him and that I could've handled it in a "more civil manner". I ended up in detention. The school staff said they're "looking into" the other kid's harassment. I hate being in my Dreamphobic school. Has anyone else here been wrongfully punished for defending yourself? Dreamphobes are true evil and it's a shame that they have so many bigots willing to defend them.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q1uzzk
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Why are women so surprised that penis can stretch?
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My girlfriend was playing with my balls and she was amazed that they weren't perfect spheres but more like eggs. Then she tried to switch em around (left to right witch kinda scared me) and lost her shit. I took the opportunity to show her all the amazing penis and ball maneuvers I could think of like stretching ball skin apart to make it flat. She was in awe of how much fun it seemed and said she was jealous. I'm guessing this is just something new to them? She showed me the fabled labia clap but that was all she really had

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q1utnz
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来自中共的消息(中华人民共和国)在访问资本主义纷争之后,您已经失去了所有的社会信用,公民,干得好。 你被中共开除出党,公开处决。 安全小组将被派往您家进行惩罚。 共产党的荣耀。 - 中华人民共和国
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来自中共的消息(中华人民共和国)在访问资本主义纷争之后,您已经失去了所有的社会信用,公民,干得好。 你被中共开除出党,公开处决。 安全小组将被派往您家进行惩罚。 共产党的荣耀。 - 中华人民共和国 MESSAGE FROM THE CHINESE COMMUNIST PARTY (中华人民共和国) You have lost all your social credit, respect, citizenship and good work after visiting capitalist app Reddit. You are now banished from the CHINESE COMMUNIST PARTY, and shall be publicly executed. A security squad will be sent to your house for a punishment. Glory to the CHINESE COMMUNIST PARTY. -People's Republic of China 注意-习近平看起来不像资本主义偶像小熊维尼 这不是玩笑,你有2天的时间和家人说再见,结果你全家都死了' This is not a joke, you have 2 days to say goodbye to your family, escape will result in your entire family's death

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q1tz1u
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The McDonalds Sex Club
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“I love you.” thought Akechi Goro sweetly as he sipped on one of the McFlurries his daddy dom clown man had made from his pleasure milk earlier that morning.

It was wonderfully lukewarm, *almost* cold but not quite - exactly how it should be, the McDonalds Sex Club and Restaurant way.

In fact, it was their motto: "Almost Cold but Not Quite".

He thought about how hungry he was - his shift was impossibly long, just like Ronald’s phat clown cock - and remembered dearly how his godlike clown daddy would use him as his personal burger.

Ah, and his favorite part… the McDonald’s Burger Mayonnaise.

(it's cum.)

He was fantasizing so hard that his panties would’ve been soaked, had he been wearing any, but he was not, for the McDonald’s Sex Club and Restaurant banned all undergarments.

You know.

Because.

That’s when he heard the bell to the restaurant door ring open.

“My name is Akira Kurusu, and I would like to know where your bathroom is, please.”

Goro gasped - he hadn’t ever heard a customer speak a full sentence before fleeing the god-awful establishment.

He gasped another time, like an embarrassed anime girl, because he actually had an absurd and long history with Akira that would take up at least three other fics.

He almost stumbled over himself as he jumped over the counter like a gymnast, his dick bodaciously jiggling in the air as he did so, and landed on his feet, on - oh god - an oil pile on the floor!

Like the twink bottom bitch he is, Goro falls and slips and falls and tumbles and does more synonyms for "fall clumsily" down onto the floor, leaving his legs splayed on the floor (sexily).

Silly him, he hadn’t even been able to show this mysterious customer who’s name was Akira Kurusu and who wanted to know where their bathroom was please, not before his bottom instincts took over and he forgot how to walk.

He thought of all the other reasons in the past he hadn’t been able to walk.

Leg injury, Ronald McDonald, Ronald McDonald, different leg injury, Ronald McDonald.

A tough life is his.

Clumsily and sexily and twinkishly and unsteadily, Goro got up on his shaky legs and looked up at Akira Kurusu.

He pointed toward the bathroom with a shaky hand.

“T-t-t-there it is, daddy. WAIT, NO-”

And just like that, Ronald McDonald materialized from the oil puddle he had just slipped into earlier, eyes glaring with red lens flare.

In shock, Goro fell back, landing on Ronald, who held him in his clownish yaoi hands.

“Baby girl, who the fuck are you calling daddy who is not me? Oh-”

It seems that was the moment Ronald McDonald noticed the customer standing in front of them, who had still to this very minute not been shown to the bathroom.

This isn't even a watersports fic, so we can't have him not get to the bathroom.

That would be cruel.

Oh wait, he had.

That one’s on me Demetri the author.

My bad.

Anyways, Akira Kurusu walks towards the bathroom, completely ignoring the pair.

He came back very shortly after, looking normal, like a normal human being usually does.

Then, he turned to Goro.

Even Ronald seemed shock at this man’s resilience to the McDonald’s Sex Club and Restaurant's overpowering aura and stench (the stench and the aura are interchangable, as both have the same psychic properties.)

He spoke in a loud and clear and deep and sexy voice, not unlike the voice a protagonist in a video game would have.

I wonder if he was voiced by Xander Mobus.

That would be wacky.

“Goro Akechi, who I definitely do not know nor do I have a history or any unresolved sexual tension with, may I have a McFlurry, please?”

That was a lie, of course.

They had a lot of unresolved sexual tension.

It just wasn't convenient to bring it up now.

Goro gasped and nodded violently.

Ronald held his head sweetly and said “shhh, baby gorl” in a voice not too unlike Gru from Despicable Me, until Goro calmed his violent head nodding.

He went to the machine, and poured out a McFlurry, the very same McFlurry machine powered by pleasure milk and McLove.

But when Akira took a sip of the pleasure milk, his outfit instantly changed, like he’d gone to a parallel dimension or something!!

Now he looked sly as fuck and he had a mask.

“Surprise! I am not only Akira Kurusu, I am also Joker, pro food reviewer and journalist and associate of Gordon Ramsey’s!”

(He failed to bring up his other job title, "Phantom Thief of Your Man", due to time constraints.)

Both of them gasped, and watched on in amazement.

“I must say, while this special McFlurry has an excellent taste and consistency, no doubt from pleasure milk, it’s missing something…. more… gooey.”

Ronald looked on in confusion - what could there possibly be missing…?


Cum?

Oh, god, don't tell me that they're gonna add cum to the recipe.

I'm on thin ice with my family as is.

“Luckily for both of you motherfuckers, we can make the next ingredient ourselves.” Oh god.

Goro understood instantly, because of his long history with Akira Kurusu food reviewer extraordinaire, his long unresolved sexual tension with him, and his dreams of his daddy’s Massive Clown Schlong.

He whipped off the McSex Club and Restaurant uniform, letting it sink into the puddle of oil like a single pebble into a bog.

Akira nodded.

Ronald understood.

Then they had a threesome I mean fuck I don’t feel like writing it.

They have sex.

Gay sex.

With three people.

It's very intense.

It's a red and yellow candy cane bukkakestravaganza.

You're going to have to trust me.

Finally, when Goro is about to come, instead of putting the pleasure milk collecting jar under his titties, Ronald McDonald puts the jar on his dick.

Goro doesn’t even have the time to say “bazinga” before he cums so hard that he fills the entire jar.

Ronald brings it to the machine, and adds it to the pleasure milk already there.

It makes for a sickening concoction, a viscous liquid mixing with the already milky, mildly inconsistent one.

They put the machine to work.

They manage to get exactly one Special McFlurry (THE ROYAL) (trademark) out of the machine before it breaks.

Everyone’s naked, but still, Ronald and Goro can’t help but feel exposed as Akira Kurusu sips at the Special McFlurry (THE ROYAL) (trademark).

He takes a long, exaggerated sip, and they both watch his delicious Adam’s apple bob as he swallows, just like he’d been swallowing earlier that evening.

He smacks his lips, just like he had earlier this evening, and grins at them, just like he had earlier that evening.

“Now this , gentlemen, this is what I call a Special McFlurry.”

Sumire Yoshizawa witnessed all this from outside the window to the establishment, and immediately swore revenge on Ronald McDonald.

fin

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q1p9jk
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Ancient Egyptian hieroglyphics (extended version)
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𓀓𓂸𓀢

𓀓𓀢

𓀓𓂸𓀢

𓀓𓀢

𓀓𓂸𓀢

𓀓𓀢

𓀓𓂸𓀢

𓀓𓀢

𓀓𓀢

𓀓𓂺𓀢

𓀓 𓀢

𓀓 𓀢

𓀁 𓀢

𓀁 𓀟

𓀁 𓀟

𓀁 𓁍

𓀁𓁍

𓀠𓁍

𓀒𓁍

𓀒𓀢

𓀒𓀣

𓀒𓀢

𓀒𓀣

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

𓃒𓂸𓀢

𓃒𓀢

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q1s5ts
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How to kill Cummybot9999
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Cummy Abuse has been at an all time high recently, so I figured I’d devise a plan to rid r/Copypasta of Cummybot9999’s face once and for all. I have my reasons, but that’s not what we’re here for today.

OPERATION: FUCK THE NUT

PHASE 1: The only way Cummy can be banned is by a moderator. This means an Anti-Cummy has to become a moderator. But not just any moderator: The owner. How does one do this? Well, Hack the owner’s account or steal their password.

PHASE 2: Ban Cummy. It’s not as easy as it seems, however. If one of the Pro-Cummy mods sees in the Mod Mail that Cummybot9999 is banned, they will see who banned Cummy, then ban that mod and unban Cummy. This is why we must torch and burn. DEMOTE AND BAN EVERY MOD. When the subreddit is yours, finish the job and Ban Cummy. Then get the owner's account banned by spamming the nword

From there on, r/Copypasta will have a temporary bliss period. It won’t last long, but users will be able to enjoying posting without having a useless link in the comments. Soon the banned mods will report to the admins that someone brigaded their sub and undo everything. Nevertheless, you will be a hero.

And the best part? If the mods see this, there’s nothing they can do to stop it. They will be locked into a state of paranoia, having to moderate r/Copypasta until the day their account gets deleted. Then there will be new mods. And that’s when we strike.

Best of luck, soldiers.

#DISCLAIMER: Please don't do this. The sub might end up being removed from Reddit overall if it gets hijacked.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q1phiv
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HELICOPTER TO THE RESCUE- oh wait
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​

▬▬▬▬▬.◙.▬▬▬▬▬

▂▄▄▓▄▄▂

◢◤█▀▀████▄▄▄▄▄▄ ◢◤

█▄ █ █▄ ███▀▀▀▀▀▀▀ ╬

◥ █████ ◤

══╩══╩═

╬═╬

╬═╬ just dropped down to say

╬═╬

╬═╬hello

╬═╬

☻/ ╬═╬

/▌ ╬═╬

/ \\

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q1pmkg
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I made a fleshlight using knives and my mom caught me
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I was sitting on my sexy sex (furry porn) couch and I missed the time I used a knife to cut open my dick and feed it to the blender that I came in so I grabbed the tape and many knives. As I was building my sexy knife sex fleshlight my mom walked in and saw it. She asked in a shocked voice "What the fuck are you doing?" I told her "I wanted to put my dick in the knives". She took the knives out of my hand and taped them to her massive 11 inch cock and grabbed my asshole. She said to me "I'm very disappointed you only put knives in your ass NOT in your dick". And she fucked me hard with the knives. I am now dying of internal bleeding. Please send help

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q1o2cw
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Cocktober
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Cocktober, the month when boys become men, the first week is spent creating a glory hole in barbed wire which leads to a wild chicken coop make sure the coop you choose has mentally crazed roosters, they must have sharp talons for week 3 and 4. The second week, you must cover your dick in caramel sauce right as it's still hot. Cover it with kernels of corn. Expand shaft and insert at least one liter of fizzy liquid, any soft drink works. Once you have done all of these steps, shove cock inside of the glory hole. Keep it there for at least 4 hours for the full effect. Repeat six times, one per day in the week best done at night, you get Sunday off. Week three, you must now go inside the cage completly naked, aside from being covered with fried chicken greese. Lay on top of the chicken feed tray for two hours, if one is to conquer Cocktober then one must feel the bite of a cock. Just like with week two, repeat this six times. For the rest of the month, untill halloween, you must do a combination of week two and three. You will have to thrust your soda filled shaft into the glory hole. Thrust it harrrd, accept the pain, invite it into your nerves. Then get out the rooster from week one, the more roosters, the better. Throw them at the walls of the cage. Whatever happens from there is up to the cocks. Once you have repeated this untill the last day of the month, assuming you have made it this far, enjoy the candy, you've earned it. You may not want it, now that you are above sweets. This ritual can be used to help with NNN as just looking at your cock will remind you of the cage.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q1nbnu
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A Gorey Demise
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Alright, everybody sit down, quiet down, listen up
I brought you all here to recite the annual obituaries
Like every year we start with A and end with Z
Alright, is the band ready?
Ready
Alright, hit it Boyles
One, and a two
A is for Amber who drowned in a pool
B is for Billy who was eaten by ghouls
C is for Curt with disease in the brain
D is for Daniel derailed on a train
E is for Eric who is buried alive
F is for Frank who was stabbed through the eye
G is for Greg who died in the womb
H is for Heather who was sealed in a tomb
One by one we bite the dust
Kick the bucket and begin to rust
Give up the ghost when your number's up
We all fall down
Ashes to ashes, bones to paste
You wither away in your resting place
Eternity in a wooden case
We all fall down
I is for Isaac who lost his front brakes
J is for Johnny, was bitten by snakes
K is for Kimmy who was shot in the head
L is for Larry who bled and bled
M is for Marie who was burned to a crisp
N is for Nick who was pummeled by fists
O is for Olive who lived life too fast
P is for Pat who swallowed some glass
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
Alrighty lads, all together now
One by one we bite the dust
Kick the bucket and begin to rust
Give up the ghost when your number's up
We all fall down
Ashes to ashes, bones to paste
You wither away in your resting place
Eternity in a wooden case
We all fall down
Q is for Quentin who took the wrong trail
R is for Raina who rotted in jail
S is for Stevie who was shot by a bow
T is for Tory who froze in the snow
U is for Urich who was trampled by hooves
V is for Vanessa who fell off a roof
W is for Will who was hit by a car
X is for Xavier who sunk in the tar
Y is Yessy who fell from a plane
Z is for Zack who simply went
Insane.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q1n0ix
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My mom found cum on my bed (r/teenagers)
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So this morning when I woke up my mom pulled my sheets up and there was this small stain on my dark sheets. She pointed at it and said "you have any idea what this is?"

I said "maybe it's butter?" because a couple days ago I was eating popcorn on my bed and I hoped that would be enough of an explanation for her.

She said "it couldn't be because it's not oily. Listen, if you're going to do that, just clean up better or go to the bathroom"

I'm so glad my mom understands and is ok with it :D (and just to clarify, she's ok with me doing that as long as I'm not watching anything, then she has a problem)

Edit: i used a tissue but I came too much and the tissue wasn't enough so some of it rolled down the side of my hip

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q1l5i5
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I broke up with my gf of two years because of BTS
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Well I do have a lot more reasons but I would say BTS plays a huge huge part in this.
She talks about BTS so fucking much I just could not fucking take it and I couldn't even fake it anymore.
Every time we talked either alone or with other people she would bring fucking BTS into our talk even if I was sharing my emotions she would fucking be like "JImIn wrOTe SOmThiNg abOUt ThaT oN TwiTtEr" SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY.
Every time I tried to ask her to talk about something other than fucking BTS she would get quiet and mad, WELL SORRY every fucking time I went to see her and wanted to talk or do something fun she would just get her laptop out and we would sit without talking and watch BTS stuff.
It was her entire fucking personality, BTS and being in a gay relationship which she does not have anymore so I guess it's just BTS now.
And I never told her a fucking thing when breaking up with her so to not hurt her but I wish I fucking did.
And I don't want to fucking hear about BTS or jimin or suga or whatever the fuck the names are ever again

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q1khln
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im a nice guy
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Seriously, today at my college I saw this short, ugly guy driving an SXT Challenger with a huge dent in the rear quarter panel, and he had a hot blonde girl in his passenger seat. What on earth is up with that?!?!? I would climb Mount Everest 10 times just to have a girl like that with me. I drive a manual Camaro ZL1 and I’ve struggled all my life to get a girlfriend. What is wrong with this world?
Does anyone else get disturbed and offended when you see sights like this? Someone make sense of this ridiculousness.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q1k2ha
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UwU
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H-hewwo UwU u-uhm... >///< c-can I pwease crush your bwalls? O///O pweaaaseeee?~~ I-I'll even crack your penis like a glowstick if y-you let me >w< pweaseee OwO a-and, h-how about I... >u< I...!!! OuO p-penetrate your urethra with this cute strawberry flavored pocky I found at the gas station? W-we could even... >///> w-who knows... <///< eat it after I take it out >//w//< pwease pwease pweaseee? OwO

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q1i3kt
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Actual answer to a post titled "How did you start your sexual relationship with your mother" on Quora
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**my mother have 5 sister**

**and i sleep with them all**

**i fucked my four aunt and my mother also**

**Yes it's true**

**At first they didn't want to but now they treat me like a husband**

**I am very lucky to have them**

**You know men love different boobs different pussies every time**

**And I recently fucked my mom and I though we should get married but I am still confused who should I marry**

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q16r8a
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Thank you sniper
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I owe sniper from TF2 so much. I always had a hard time peeing in public bathrooms. They’re gross, dirty, and worst of all crowded. I mean, who wants to piss with other guys like right next to you? (Besides most 196 users). So every time I pissed I thought about how confident sniper from TF2 pissed, and soon I was a pro pisser. My golden showers came and went whenever I pleased, and no one could stop me no matter how awkward peeing in a crowded bathroom got. I could almost hear sniper cheering me on over my shoulder, telling me I was doing great and was making him proud. I am able to live a full and healthy life now thanks to sniper from TF2, and for that I am eternally grateful.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q1fh2i
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I've been seeing the real cummy under posts recently.
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Is he making a silent comeback? Trying to blend in?

we may never know.

&#x200B;

Ye's, I'm talking about you, u/CummyBot22021

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q1eici
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𓂸 Cocktober
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IT'S COCKTOBER 𓂸 𓂸 YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS 𓂸 𓂸 𓂸 DICK SUCKING AWARENESS MONTH 𓂏𓂸 SEND THIS TO 12 OF UR CLOSET HOES 𓂸 𓂸 𓂸 THAT LOVE THAT DICK 𓂸 THOT-O-WEEN 𓂸 𓂸 𓂸 IS UPON US !! IF YOU DONT, YOULL RECEIVE 𓂸 YEARS OF BADLUCK 𓂸 𓂺

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q1cvpb
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How difficult is finding the vaginal opening?
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I'm trying to have sex with a virgin, but somehow the vaginal opening eludes me. How difficult is it to find the opening in the dark with only your penis (No hands because she thinks it's unclean, and only wants the missionary position)? How does one find that gateway while playing this game in hard mode?


EDIT: I'm not having sex now lol. Don't assume I'm in bed with her, asking for advice.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q1ciie
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I am finnaly doing it!! Penis inspection day!!
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Ok guys, poggers lol, today is finally penis inspection day!!! i am so excited, i want to know what the inspection dude will say about my d🔞ck 🤏🤣(censored so mums don't take urs phones away)

apparently, there is a chance i have cancer on me, but that doesn't matter🤷‍♂️ cause it is finally the due day!🤪

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q1avbm
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