So one day I was walking home from school, I was SUPER horny because I spent the entire day staring at the guy in front of me’s ass. I’m not gay btw, I just appreciate a good ass, and since women also have asses it’s not gay to be horny from looking at other men’s asses. I got home and was shaking, I was so horny I just couldn’t contain it. I bolted upstairs to my room and got on my computer. I immediately opened pornhub gay, but I was just watching for the anal sex, not the dudes so it’s not gay. I began jerking, but I just couldn’t control myself, I began jerking faster and faster, my cock was smoking from the increasingly fast jerking and my hand was getting hot. I came after just a few minutes and I came extremely hard, like so hard I blasted a hole through the wall. Unfortunately, the wall I destroyed faced my neighbour’s house and my cum blast destroyed his wall too. I looked through the massive holes I just blasted through the wall, cum was dripping from sides. At the other side of hole in my neighbour’s house was my neighbour, he was laying down, his head was gored and splattered around the room, covered in cum. My mom says this is why masturbation is bad and that I’ll be going to prison for manslaughter, but I think I shouldn’t be blamed for killing him, I didn’t know he was there and I didn’t know I would bust so hard it would kill him. Am I the asshole in this situation?

Original:

fuck koalas man. they r literally 2 stupid 2 live. Fuck dat "save teh koalas" shit. THEY ARE FUCKING STUPID.LITERALLY. THEY HAVE TINY N SMOOTH BRAINS, A SIGN OF STUPIDITY. In fact, as u know: Koalas only eat 1 thing: eucalyptus leaves: Not only do they have literally no nutritional value, they're actually poisonous. Koalas, b-ing marsupials, r mammals, so they give their kids milk. Unfortun8ly, they an extremely low amount of milk. so wut do teh babies do when their koala mom runs out of milk? suck on their asshole until shit comes out. THEY EAT CHLAMYDIA RIDDLED SHIT WHEN THEIR MOTHER CANT NOURISH THEM ANYMORE. WAT TEH FUCK? Worst part, 80% of all koalas r rape babies, which iz funny bcuz koalas only care about a few things: eat poisonous food, shit, scream like a child getting murdered, n die. bucks literally find random does n rape them, regardless of whether shes ready 2 have birth or not. If she fights back (which she doesnt bcuz shes a lazy piece of shit), teh buck will drag her out of teh tree. Unfortuna8ly, they have (internal) helmets on their head so its harder 4 them 2 die frum falling off their trees. Koalas r such disgusting animals dat i havent drank a single drop of mai powerade SINCE I STARTED TYPING. thx 4 making meh lose mai appetite 4 teh most delicious powerade flavor ever, bastards. Ok, back 2 teh rant. they dont even have enough energy 2 do more than sleep. N worst of all, they like their food a special way. I could put them in a room full of eucalyptus leaves n theyd fucking die. N bcuz their food has literaslly no nutrition, they have 2 ferment it in their stomach 4 only god knows how long so they dont starve 2 death. Literally all teh other animals have adapted 2 their food habits: Most rodents' teeth grow n they eat 2 shave their teeth, or sum animals have sharp teeth 2 break down their food easier. Koalas, their solution when their teeth wear down 2 nothing? STARVE 2 DEATH. they literally do nothing but look cute, spew chlamydia riddled shit all over teh place, sleep, n die

Grammar fixed version:

fuck koalas man. they are literally too stupid to live. Fuck that "save the koalas" shit. THEY ARE FUCKING STUPID.LITERALLY. THEY HAVE TINY AND SMOOTH BRAINS, A SIGN OF STUPIDITY. In fact, as you know: Koalas only eat 1 thing: eucalyptus leaves: Not only do they have literally no nutritional value, they're actually poisonous. Koalas, being marsupials, are mammals, so they give their kids milk. Unfortunately, they have an extremely low amount of milk. so what do teh babies do when their koala mom runs out of milk? suck on their asshole until shit comes out. THEY EAT CHLAMYDIA RIDDLED SHIT WHEN THEIR MOTHER CANT NOURISH THEM ANYMORE. WHAT THE FUCK? Worst part, 80% of all koalas are rape babies, which is funny bcuz koalas only care about a few things: eat poisonous food, shit, scream like a child getting murdered, and die. bucks literally find random does and rape them, regardless of whether shes ready to have birth or not. If she fights back (which she doesnt because shes a lazy piece of shit), the buck wuill drag her out of the tree. Unfortunately, they have (internal) helmets on their head so its harder for them to die from falling off their trees. Koalas are such disgusting animals that i havent drank a single drop of mai powerade SINCE I STARTED TYPING. Thanks for making me lose mai appetite for the most delicious powerade flavor ever, bastards. Ok, back to the rant. they dont even have enough energy to do more than sleep. And worst of all, they like their food a special way. I could put them in a room full of eucalyptus leaves and theyd fucking die. And because their food has literally no nutrition, they have to ferment it in their stomach for only god knows how long so they dont starve to death. Literally all the other animals have adapted to their food habits: Most rodents' teeth grow and they eat to shave their teeth, or some animals have sharp teeth to break down their food easier. Koalas, their solution when their teeth wear down to nothing? STARVE 2 DEATH. they literally do nothing but look cute, spew chlamydia riddled shit all over the place, sleep, and die

" I know all the tricks baby. I'll turn you around on my bed like a pancake. You will be screaming to make you babies." I say. I just love it when the sexual tension builds up. I will be fucking tonight for sure.
" You like talking dirty huh. Careful flattery will get you far horny boy."
"The only place I want to be far in, is when my dick hits your g spot. That's how far I want my flattery to take me." I say.
" Okay if we do it. Give it to me rough, slow and delicious. That's how I like my sex. Very, very shaken. If you know what I mean horny boy."
"Don't worry baby. I didn't become the 1% of the richest peopke in the world by dissapointing."
"GET me out here. My pussy just got so wet. I just might be swimming."
"I CAn't wait to do you. Let me call my driver." I take out my phone and text him. I gesture to the waiter and I settle my bill. The invigorating euphoria for sex overtakes me and I can just do her right here right now.
I get her outside and the car is already on. I get her in the backseat and we get down to business. Time to show this bitch who kyler Johnson the third is. Billionaire, philanthropist, forbes under 30, pussy loving sex champion and king of the bedroom. That's the motherfucker I am. Top g of sex.
We kiss each other hungrily and passionately. I don't give a fuck my driver sees me doing this shit. It's not the first time I do this shit in front of him. I DO IT all the time and all he can say it's okay sir. Goddamn straight. I just want to put my dick inside of her and reach the climax. I knew I should've never taken viagra.
We reach my house and I lift her to my bedroom. Time to destroy this hoe. I start kissing every part of her. From her forehead to her toenails. I love how passionate she is also but I want to the one to be sorely in charge. This is my ship and I am the captain. I start twirling her and kissing and biting her everywhere. She starts screaming billionaire.. She start saying I should give her a billion dollars. Which I don't have. I am only a billionaire on paper. But whatever.
We go at it for forty minutes and I can't believe how loud we are. But I don't give a fuck. I will apologise to my house staff when I am completely sober from sex euphoria.She is so delicious. The Viagra gives me a problem cause I can't cum as soon as I want to. The girl is enjoying it so hard she is begging. Fuck it. I go fast and I feel like I am close. Now I am very close. It's more enjoyable than ever now and I go limp. I climaxed.
I know I am a billionaire, but sex is better than anything in this world. There is nothing better than this feeling. Now I understand why the world's population is eight billion. No government can stop us from having sex.
I look at her. She looks like dying. " What the fuck?"
" I know I am amazing. Don't mention it."
"Can I ask one question? " She asks.
" Yeah okay."
" Are you on viagra?" She asks.
What kind of question is that. I know I went deep inside of her, but I don't see the need for that.
" It's not that i am complaining or judging. That was the best sex I had in a long time. I mean you drilled me for a cool twenty minutes. That was hard you know. You don't have to be embarrassed, you can tell me."
" I took a pill before our date."
"I want to do it again." She says. This bitch clearly doesn't know me. I change women as often as I change underwear. I know I am a man whore, but sex is the most important thing in my life. It's better than being billionaire. I just don't give a fuck about these women.
"Fine." I say. Which is lie. I will throw some money down her direction and get a cab for her and away she will be. I don't want one girl more than once.
I look at her and she falls asleep. I look at her titties and I lick them a little and I fall asleep in them.
********
The next day I wake up and It is time I get rid of Sarah. All these girls I fucked always give me the best sex, because they know I am billionaire and they just want to lock me down. But I won't let them win that easily. I just want sex from them, because that is the only thing a wonan can offer me. Pussy.
I make her some breakfast and deliver it to her. All the makeup is messed up. I realise I just lost attraction for her. Now I really need her to get the fuck out of my mansion.
She looks up to see me. "Hey you." She smiles when she sees the breakfast." I see you made me breakfast. That's sweet of you." She grabs the tray and starts eating.
I'm about to tell her not to get hopes up when my butler enters." Anderson, what's going on?"
"Pardon my interruption sir, there is a fire fighter on the door wanting to speak to you."
"I don't think so. Did something burn in the house? I don't think anything burned in this house.Can't he speak to you"
" I know sir, but he wants to speak to the owner of the property about new regulations. Which is you sir. He won't take much of your time."

*fucks the ban button* H-Holy fuck! Ban button-kun, you feel so good inside me please k-keep fucking me\~! Ah\~! F-fuck please keep going Bad Banny Daddy\~ Please keep fucking me please\~! You are g-going so deep inside me Ban-senpai\~! Uwah\~ Uh\~ Huff\~ Huff\~ Mhh\~ Please keep ramming it in, I want your big, red, shiney, hard, demanding, dominating daddy dong so b-badly\~ Please, I'll do anything for you to p-prevent my messages from going through, I can't h-handly how fast I'm being blocked by you\~ F-fuck\~ Please Daddy\~ D-Daddy Banny I'm getting close to my account being deleted\~! I'm n-nearly there, please keep reporting me for spam\~ F-fuck\~ Mhh\~ MhhHHH\~ Th-that spot i-is so s-sensitive\~! N-not my dm's of harassment\~ Ahh\~! Please don't stop\~ I want you to fuck me so hard I'm IP banned\~! I w-want to be caught, screenshotted and canceled o-on twitter\~! Please Daddy Hammer, l-LAY YOUR RULES ALL OVER ME\~! MHH!\~! F-FUCK\~! AHH\~ AHH\~! BAN BUTTON-KUN! I'M\~! I'IM\~! *deleted user*

I was playing Fortnite then I got an ez dub cuz I'm a god at the game then I finally went outside for the 1st time in 7 months to buy some drugs to celebrate my 10,000th win and my 5 year anniversary of playing this amazing game. I come across this baddie and she's so hot she gives me a massive boner it's been a while since I've seen an actual woman. I come up to her confidently and say "I got a pump shotgun between my legs let's crank 90s in bed and I'll have you begging for me to revive you" later on we had sexy sex and I won a game of fortnite whilst clapping her cheeks.

“This MF paid for Twitter”
No, I didn’t pay for Twitter.
I paid for free speech.
I paid for 1776 to commence again.
I paid for the Founding Fathers’ vision.
I paid to tell Silicon Valley to go screw itself.
I paid to show support for a man who put himself in the line of fire for the First Amendment.
I paid because we support our own.
I paid because if George Washington was alive today, he’d be paying too.
So next time you say I paid for Twitter, just realize how IGNANT (or ignorant, depending on your preference) you sound!

8-3-19

I’ve grown tired of this foolishness. This generation has no sense of community or neighborly kindness. I waited at the door for fifteen minutes before a young woman’s voice came from the doorbell, of all places. The voice told me, “Look man, I’m looking at the Ring app on my phone right now, and I definitely don’t know you, and I don’t want whatever you’re shilling, so just fuck off, this is mad creepy.” The audacity of these children, I swear. I circled around the back and entered through an ajar window. I slithered into the young lady’s room undetected, but she was not in her bed. I turned around to see her staring at me. When she saw the knife in my hand, she realized my intentions. But then something strange happened, dear readers. She was not afraid. The usual pale expression and desperate pleas for mercy were nowhere to be found. On the contrary, she glanced down at my knife and said,

“Uwu killer-chan, what is that?”

“A bowie knife?” I replied.

This girl then rolled her eyes and very casually said, “Yaaaaaaaas please fucking kill me. I’m so over this whole adulting thing.”

I did not know how to react. As I stood there, flustered, she launched herself towards me through the air like a missile, yelling, “YEET!” She knocked me over and landed on top of me. I found myself questioning whether my age had finally gotten the better of me. To my further surprise, she rolled over on her back and said, “Fucking do it pussy!”

As I wrapped my gloved hand around her throat, I swear to god, she moaned “Daddy”. I stood up right then and there and left. I didn’t even bother to pick up my knife. I think I’m going to retire from this hobby of mine. I don’t understand this world anymore.

So ah'm sittin' in traffic, right, an' this absolute dickhead in front o' me is goin' ten miles an hour under the speed limit. So ah'm like, 'Whit the fuck is wrong wi' ye, ya dobber?' An' then ah see it: he's got one o' they 'Baby on Board' signs in his fuckin' car. Ah'm like, 'Oh, so that's whit it is. Ye think ye're better than me just 'cause ye've goat a fuckin' baby.' Anyways, ah finally get past him, an' ah'm feelin' pretty good about maself. But then ah see this other car, an' it's got one o' they 'Student Driver' signs on the back. An' ah'm like, 'Oh, come the fuck on! This is too much!' So ah'm tailin' this car, shoutin' out the window, 'Learn tae drive, ya wee bastard!' An' then ah see the instructor in the passenger seat, lookin' at me like ah've goat two heids. Ah'm like, 'Aw, shit. This isnae good.' So ah speed off, tryin' tae get away, but then ah get pulled over by the cops. An' the cop comes up tae me an' says, 'Do ye know how fast ye were goin'?' An' ah'm like, 'No, but ah'm pretty sure it wasnae fast enough tae get away from the fuckin' student driver.' Anyways, long story short, ah get a ticket, but ah also get a good laugh oot o' the whole thing. Ye cannae beat a wee bit o' road rage tae get the blood pumpin', eh?

Yo Momma is so fat, she has her own gravitational pull that can suck in everything in her vicinity. Her belly button is like a black hole that swallows up entire galaxies of food. When she sits around the house, she really sits AROUND the house, because her massive girth takes up all available space.

I mean, damn, I heard that when she goes to the beach, Greenpeace tries to push her back into the ocean. And when she wears high heels, she strikes oil. Yo Momma is so fat that she has more chins than a Chinese phonebook, and her ass is like a landfill - it's filled with garbage and constantly expanding.

Hello guys. Welcome back to another chess tutorial. Yes, it is me, Vikram Rahul Abishek Pranav Rajesh. Today I will show you a simple yet effective chess trap that players of any rating will be guaranteed to fall for. It is a variation of the Tennison Gambit, and I will show you why it is so effective. We will start with a standard opening, king's pawn to e4. Black responds with the Scandinavian Defense, queen's pawn to d5. This is black's first mistake, and the game is already over for him. The natural move would be to capture black’s pawn. However, in the Tennison Gambit, we will sacrifice this pawn. We will play knight to f3. Black responds by capturing our pawn, attacking our knight. Now we will move our knight to f5, saving the piece attacking and black’s pawn. To defend the hanging pawn, black plays knight to f6, bringing the piece to an active square. Next, we will make another sacrifice. We will move our d pawn to d3. Black is already ahead in material, and so they will accept the sacrifice. Now we can develop our bishop by capturing the pawn on d3. Now you have essentially won the game. What we will do next is move the knight to f7, forking the rook and queen. Black has no options except to capture the knight with their king and leave it in an exposed position. We can move the bishop to g6 to check black. Black cannot retreat his king because the bishop is now attacking this entire corridor. Black once again has no choice but to capture with their king. Done. Black’s queen is now exposed after we sacrificed a knight and bishop. The next move is obvious. We can launch an RT-2PM2 «Topol-M» cold-launched three-stage solid-propellant silo-based intercontinental ballistic missile to attack black’s remaining pieces. However, if you are a beginner at chess, you can use an anti-tank guided missile instead. In this example, we will use the BGM-71 TOW anti-tank missile launched from an M3 Bradley Cavalry Fighting Vehicle tracked armored reconnaissance vehicle. Now watch very carefully as we maneuver our ATGM to an effective position that can control the board. As you can see, our attack was a success. White now has a material advantage and is ahead in the development of their pieces. Thank you for watching, and I will see you in the next chess tutorial.

*cracks knuckles*

Dear Disney,

I gave you the opportunity to resolve this. You declined.

First and foremost. It is canon to bring your own kyber crystal. You should offer yellow and white as part of your selection. Or don't sell those crystal colors.

But it is canon to have those colors and to bring your Disney bought crystal to the building process. Deal with it. You literally have characters find crystals... All the effing time. You sell the crystals on this premise. It's not like those crystals fit in your prebuilt sabers (they don't...)

Do not have your 20 something employees scold me and tell me to put away my bought Disney crystal. Especially if I'm not doing anything wrong. Again it's a Disney bought crystal and it's canon. And bless your hearts but I knew star wars before any of said employees were quickenings in their mothers' wombs.

Shame on them and you for ruining my bought and paid for experience (3 sabers at 800+$ and one post military deployment - the real kind with danger and shooting and casualties generated - trip for my family) with misinformation, incorrect canon, and with little self entitled employees who haven't sacrificed a day of discomfort for their country.

How dare you ignore my repeated attempts to provide feedback and resolve this issue quietly.

Bad form. I would not recommend.

Hewwooo OwO did you evew hewr the twagedy of Dwawth Pwagueis the Wise? I thought not >w< It's not a stowwy the Jedi would tell you UwU It's a Sith wegend. Dwawth Pwagueis was a Dawk Lord of the Sith, so powewful and so wise he could use the Fowce to infwuence the midi-chworiansto cweate wife… He had such a knowledge of the dawk side that he could even keep the ones he cawed about fwom dying UwU

The dark side of the Fowce is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnyatuwaw. He became so powewful… the only thing he was afwaid of was wosing his powew, which eventuawwy, of couwse, he did. Unfowtunately, he taught his apprentice everything he knew, then his apprentice killed him in his sleep UwU

Iwonic. He could save others fwom death, but not himself. OwO

“This MF paid for Twitter”


No, I didn’t pay for Twitter.


I paid for free speech.


I paid for 1776 to commence again.


I paid for the Founding Father’s vision.


I paid to tell Silicon Valley to go screw itself.


I paid to show the support for a man who put himself in the line of fire for the First Amendment.


I paid because we support our own.


I paid because if George Washington was alive today, he’d be paying too.


So next time you say I paid for Twitter, just realize how IGNANT (or ignorant, depending on your preference) you sound !!!

I run my own company, have 3 horses 15 acres, a 30 foot liveaboard sailboat, and a motorcycle.
Its all paid for. Also have 2 houses. And rental properties.

YOU play games cause your bored.
(Bored people are often boring themselves)
I play them when i feel like it. 👍

“This MF paid for Twitter”

No, I didn’t pay for Twitter.

I paid for free speech.

I paid for 1776 to commence again.

I paid for the Founding Fathers’ vision.

I paid to tell Silicon Valley to go screw itself.

I paid to show support for a man who put himself in the line of fire for the First Amendment.

I paid because we support our own.

I paid because if George Washington was alive today, he’d be paying too.

So next time you say I paid for Twitter, just realize how IGNANT (or ignorant, depending on your preference) you sound!

C418 Chirp is the best song in minecraft. It just feels like your just having nostalgic feelings.

“This MF paid for Twitter”

No, I didn’t pay for Twitter.

I paid for free speech.

I paid for 1776 to commence again.

I paid for the Founding Fathers’ vision.

I paid to tell Silicon Valley to go screw itself.

I paid to show support for a man who put himself in the line of fire for the First Amendment.

I paid because we support our own.

I paid because if George Washington was alive today, he’d be paying too.

So next time you say I paid for Twitter, just realize how IGNANT (or ignorant, depending on your preference) you sound!

“This MF paid for Twitter”

No, I didn’t pay for Twitter.

I paid for free speech.

I paid for 1776 to commence again.

I paid for the Founding Fathers’ vision.

I paid to tell Silicon Valley to go screw itself.

I paid to show support for a man who put himself in the line of fire for the First Amendment.

I paid because we support our own.

I paid because if George Washington was alive today, he’d be paying too.

So next time you say I paid for Twitter, just realize how IGNANT (or ignorant, depending on your preference) you sound!

[source](https://twitter.com/JoeyMannarinoUS/status/1649262376485568512)

istg its like everytime i see a protogen i get so erect, its so random to happen like i dont know why but i just message the protogen instantly begging for ass pics until they block me i beat to their profiles every second i get to chance to sadly i last for 5 minutes so its hard to keep repeating the process over and over again. But i just need that protogen booty ong

Why do i have to repeat myself about this? i just need a single protogen to dm me so i can make things right if i dont get messaged by a protogen rn im gonna lose it i swear they be having the biggest asses i could ever imagine i would fuck them 10x a day i promise you that no one would stop me from doing it to i need a protogen this second or else i will cause chaos to this land and destroy everything in my fucking way

I swear to god protogens must be giving the most legendary fucking head i have ever seen bro like that mouth is used for dick sucking ong i would fuck the shit out of a protogen bro they're so hot bro i need to date one and fuck them the head is so godly they have to be throat goats ong ong ong im losing my mind over these furries

I'm trying to be as atheistic as possible and I hate giving myself credit for stuff and I love self-deprecation, but

The pesto I just did is a monument on the body of God.

If there has ever been evidence for the existence of an ultimate creature, which is capable of creating the human experience as a whole, a universe of such sorrow, such pain, such hate and such violence, but also of moments of joy, beauty and utter perfection in all fields of study;

This pesto - But a mere minor ingredient in the grand scheme of tomorrows feast - can count as evidence of such. The flavour has qualities which can be regarded as transcendent.

Alas, I have entered a Flavour Town of my own creation.

Alas, I am growing as a home chef and finally reaching mediocracy.