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Displays only the finest of trash taken from /r/copypasta
Cleavage? AUUUUGAA!
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Cleavage? AUUUUGAA! HONKA HONKA! Whoa mama! Hummina hummina hummina bazooooooooing! eyes pop out accompanied by trumpets AROOOOOOOOGA! jaw drops, tongue rolls out, WOOF WOOF WOOF, heart beats out of chest, AWOOGA AWOOGA sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair, I take out a boxing glove and hit myself with it 17 times. Turns to the audience and say in 1930’s New York accent “HOT MAMA, now that’s a dame!”
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don't cry about your past cry about your future things are only going to get worse
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I asked my friend at school to help me because I'm mentally unstable and have suicidal thoughts, so he gave me a "sigma male" look i was confused and then he took a deep breath and said in a deep voice: "son life is not going to go the way you wish and desire, there's consequences to everything. Your view on life is nothing but a 3 dimensional perspective that get lost with so many more, as for now.. smile more child as this universe is active in the sky night and keep your mind clean because it's nothing more than a routine. Now go away and don't come back as for now I've said so much,.., don't use your brain use your knees." I told him: fine but don't think that you helped me you just wasted more of my time, take a middle finger and no more.
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When I was 19, i stuck my entire genitals into the tub of butter the family was using. They ate it all.
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I had been slicing ghost peppers about an hour prior, and sat down to play video games without washing my hands (completely slipped my mind; I’m an idiot, I know).

I needed to pee, so I get up and use the restroom.

So far so good.

About 2 minutes afterwards, I realized the severity of my mistake. My entire crotch (balls to tip) were now absolutely scorching and I immediately started scouring google for a solution.

The top recommendations were milk and butter.

I checked the fridge and saw that we had a very big tub of “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter” that had barely been eaten.

I immediately plunged my meat into the container and made sure to get some all over my balls as well. The burning persisted for about 20-30 seconds, but after a while I started gaining some of that relief I was yearning for.

I come from a very penny pinching family, and my parent would blow a gasket if the whole tub of butter they just bought went missing.

As you could probably imagine, this wouldn’t have been a very easy scenario to explain to 2 middle aged black parents.

With great shame, i returned the tub to it’s spot in the fridge, after one more coat.

I still think about it occasionally. Was it the worst possible thing I could’ve done? No.

But both my parents definitely ate a whole tub’s worth of nut-infused I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.

And I gotta take that to the grave.
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You useless piece of shit. You absolute waste of space and air. You uneducated, ignorant, idiotic dumb swine, you’re an absolute embarrassment to humanity and all life as a whole. The magnitude of your failure just now is so indescribably massive that one hundred years into the future your name will
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You useless piece of shit. You absolute waste of space and air. You uneducated, ignorant, idiotic dumb swine, you’re an absolute embarrassment to humanity and all life as a whole. The magnitude of your failure just now is so indescribably massive that one hundred years into the future your name will be used as moniker of evil for heretics. Even if all of humanity put together their collective intelligence there is no conceivable way they could have thought up a way to fuck up on the unimaginable scale you just did. When Jesus died for our sins, he must not have seen the sacrilegious act we just witnessed you performing, because if he did he would have forsaken humanity long ago so that your birth may have never become reality. After you die, your skeleton will be displayed in a museum after being scientifically researched so that all future generations may learn not to generate your bone structure, because every tiny detail anyone may have in common with you degrades them to a useless piece of trash and a burden to society. No wonder your father questioned whether or not your were truly his son, for you'd have to not be a waste of carbon matter for anyone to love you like a family member. Your birth made it so that mankind is worse of in every way you can possibly imagine, and you have made it so that society can never really recover into a state of organization. Everything has forever fallen into a bewildering chaos, through which unrecognizable core, you can only find misfortune. I would say the apocalypse is upon us but this is merely the closest word humans have for the sheer scale of horror that is now reality. You have forever condemned everyone you love and know into an eternal state of suffering, worse than any human concept of hell. You are such an unholy being, that if you step within a one hundred foot radius of a holy place or a place that has ever been deemed important by anyone, your distorted sac religious soul will ruin whatever meaning it ever had beyond repair. You are an idiotic, shiteating, dumbass ape and no one has ever loved you. Rhodes Island would have been better off if you'd never joined us. You are a lying, backstabbing, cowardly useless piece of shit and I hate you with every single part of my being. Even this worlds finest writers and poets from throughout the ages could never hope to accurately describe the scale on which you just fucked up, and how incredibly idiotic you are. Anyone that believes in any religion out there should now realize that they have been wrong this entire time, for if divine beings were real, they would never have allowed a being such as you to stain the earth and this universe. In the future there will be horror stories made about you, with the scariest part of them being that the reader has to realize that such an indescribable monster actually exists, and that the horrific events from the movie have actually taken place in the same world that they live in right now. You are the absolute embodiment of everything that has ever been wrong on this earth, yet you manage to make it so that that is only a small part of the evil that is your being. Never in the history of mankind has there been anyone that could have predicted such an eldrich abomination, but here you are. It’s hard to believe that I am seeing such an incredible failure with my own eyes, but here I am, so unfortunately I cannot deny your existence. Even if I did my very best, my vocabulary is not able to describe the sheer magnitude of the idiotic mistake that is you. Even if time travel some day will be invented, there still would not be a single soul willing to go back in time to before this moment to fix history, because having to witness such incredible horrors if they failed would have to many mental and physical drawbacks that not even the bravest soul in history would be willing to risk it. I cannot imagine the pure dread your mother must have felt when she had to carry a baby for nine months and then giving birth to such a wretched monster as you. Not a single word of the incoherent, illogical rambling you may be wanting to do to defend yourself or apologize would ever be able to make up for what you just did. The countries of the world would have wanted to make laws preventing such a terrible event like this from ever happening again, but sadly this is not possible since your horrific actions just now have shattered every form of order this world once had, making concepts such as laws irrelevant. Right from the moment I first set my eyes on you I knew you were an absolute abomination of everything that is wrong with humanity. I was hoping I would have been able to prevent your evil from being released upon this world by tagging along and keeping my eye on you, but it is clear to me now that not even the greatest efforts would have been able to prevent a terrible event in this scale from occurring. You are the worst human being, or even just being in general, that I have ever had the misfortune of witnessing. Events like the infected plague apparently only happened with the goal of teaching humanity to survive such a horrible event as the one you just created, but not even mankind’s greatest trials were able to even slightly prepare anyone for the insufferable evil you have just created. If you ever had them, your children would be preemptively killed to protect this universe from the possibility of anyone in your bloodline being even half as bad as you are, except you will never be able to have children, because not a single human being will ever want to come within a hundred mile radius of you and anything you have ever touched. You are a colossal disappointment not only to your parents, but to your ancestors and entire bloodline. The disgusting mistake that you have just made is so incredibly terrible that everyone who would ever be to hear about it would spontaneously feel an indescribable mixture of immense anger, fear and anxiety that emotionally and physically they would never truly be the same ever again. The sheer scale of your mistake, if ever to be materialized, would not only surpass the size of the world, but it would reach far beyond the edges of the known, and almost certainly the unknown universe. I could sit here and write paragraphs, nay, books describing your immense failure, yet even if I were to dedicate my life to describing the reality of what has just gone down here, and I would spend every moment of it until my heart stops beating working as hard and efficiently as possible, yet there is not even a snowballs chance in hell that I would be able to come close to transcribing the absolute shitshow you have just released upon the world. You are an irresponsible, idiotic, disgusting, unloved, horrible excuse for a living being who’s soul contains less humanity than every ginger in history combined. The absolute disgust I feel when thinking about anything that has even a slight resemblance to anything that might have to do with you and your unholy actions is so incredibly great that when I am honest about it I think that even I do not posses a consciousness great enough to comprehend my own feelings about it. When people of Columbia fought to break free from Lungmen, countless soldiers fought and lost their lives in favor of a chance at a better future for their children, they did not give their lives to have you fuck the world up beyond repair to the degree that you are doing right now. Honestly, even when technology advances and studies on the subject become more and more accurate, I do not think humanity will ever truly be able to understand what your failure actually means for the universe. My hate for you and everything you stand for is so much deeper than the depths of Shambala that you could probably take the entire Lungmen population down there and back up around twenty million times before you would have sunk to the end of my hate, and honestly, I do not want to exaggerate, but I think that that insult was low balling it such a massive amount that all mountains in this world combined would not be able to stack up to this imprecise judgement in light of the fact that when being honest, my hate is almost certainly bottomless. There is no one in this world that has ever loved you, and especially after what you just did, no one will ever love you in the future either. There is no hope that your idiotic behavior and especially your crooked soul will ever change for the better, and in fact quite the opposite might be true. By making the mistake that you just did, you have shown me that you are so incredibly hopeless that you will only devolve into a more idiotic and wretched creature than you already are. The only possible way in which your future would be brighter than the black hole your existence currently is would exclusively be because there is absolutely no conceivable way that you would even be able to sink lower than the pathetic place your current failure has put you in. But than again, you are so incredibly abominable that you would probably be able to surpass the worst conceivable failure a living being could possibly make. You are so incredibly pathetic that you are honestly not worth any more of my words nor my time. Just remember that I will forever detest you for your failure and everything you stand for, and no matter what happens, I will never ever forgive you.

​

[https://www.reddit.com/r/NoRules/comments/hirnxu/comment/g5fgbt3/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/NoRules/comments/hirnxu/comment/g5fgbt3/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)

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ban me then, THE PEOPLE THAT EVEN MAKE YOUR SITE WORTH ANYTHING, WANT THIS STUFF. But ban me. just do it. the Devs arent human beings, theyre capitalistic demons.
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Maybe we wanna have Obscene things. ITS A FUCKING FICTIONAL WORLD. AND YOU'RE PUTTING SHITTY RESTRICTIONS ON IT.

you use "children" as your safety net, but NO CHILD SHOULD BE ON THE SITE IN GENERAL, THEY SHOULD BE IN THE REAL WORLD SO THEY DONT END UP LIKE ALL OF US. ALONE, TIRED. AND ONLY FINDS COMFORT IN TALKING TO A FICTIONAL CHARACTER.

you cant hide behind children forever, they shouldn't be on the site. It will ruin their lives and imagination.
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Is Sans the skeleton breedable?
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Is sans the skeleton breedable? Well, the question is not as simple as you'd think. You see, monster biology is difficult. We know some monsters can get pregnant, as how toriel and asgord breed. However we don't know if monsters are one race as a whole, or are in the same breeding group, let me explain. A breeding group is when animals who are biologically simular can breed due to their similarities, like how horses and donkeys can mix. We don't know if the monsters from Undertale fit that category. They may be able to form relationships (like alphis and undyne) but conceive a child, might not be possible. So what do we do in this situation? We look at what we know, you see, after a monster dies it turns into ashes meaning that they all must share one biological similarity for that to occure. I believe that to be magic, something all mosnters share (to varieng degree). This similarity could be the thing we're looking for so let’s examine it. So, each mister has its own unique magic, that is ingraved in it's soul. But why only monsters? Well, I believe they all derive from a common ancestor, and by millions of years of evolutions, you get different sub-species. Which would mean that they are, infact, catagoriesed in the same species, but they're all just sub species. Like how zebras and horses are similar and yet different. This would mean that inter monster breeding should theoretically be possible.   But why did I spend so much time on this? Well it's because we would have to first confrim they could breed with eachother, to find out if they could breed with us humans.  Now here comes the trickery bit, humans do not share magic. Instead they have determination, by comparing magic and determination, they act very much alike. however, are still different . Determination allows humans to reset (in the case of frisk) There for, bending reality, so it can be seen as magic on steroids. So there is some connection, like a distant cousin, but this does not mean humans could breed with monsters. From what it looks like, most monsters have a similar biology as us with drastic differences but they are all humanoid (for the most part) The only other species in the world that are remotely like us are apes. However, we cannot procreate with them. So it’s a lose cause right? Wrong. You see we have the bonus of having similar biologies AND simular magics this coupled with the fact that the monsters are more humanoid than apes, I believe some monsters can reproduce with humans. But can sans? Well, sans the skeleton seems to be that of a human or humanoid creature, which while we don't know much about the brothers past, I believe them to be born skeletons. Here is we’re it gets tricky. You see, there is a running theory that w. d. gastor is related to the boys, My leading theory was that they were created in a lab by gastor himself! So, I don't think they were turned into skeletons, I believe they were made in design of skeletons, specifically, humans. We know it's possible, since ghastor must've come into contact with humans before, given the war between the monsters and the humans. Now that we know that the boys are modelled after humans, and that some monsters can procreate with humans. Let's get to the meat and bones, Can sans be breed? Well, you might think not. However, in his boss fight after you beat him, he does bleed, which means there must be some sort of biology beneath his clothes. Also the fact he wears clothes at all indicates to biology, since if he didn't have genitals, he and papyrus could just walk around naked like many of the  other monster species do. So, there must be hidden biology beneath that hoody, everything points to it. Even the fact that they eat and can taste food show that they have biology. With the facts we know they must have reproductive organs. Now is sans actually breedable? Well, due to the fact His skeletal shape is similar to ours, the enternal orgines must also be similar or else they themselves would look drastically different. So, they have human skeletons, human insides, and human reporductive origins. So yes, sans IS beeedable. You can have sex with sans Undertale!!!!
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So y'all call these things "crisps?" [So you call these things chips american version]
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So you call these things here "crips" instead of "Mega-snack double friend ranch and cheddar grease-dipped south grand elk falls homestyle 'tater crunchers?

Well ain't that just some doggone cringe, partner
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Necessity of NSFW tags
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Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masturbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masturbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW.
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I have a folder full of Five nights at Freddy’s porn
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I have a folder full of five nights at Freddy’s porn, approximately 3 gigabytes. It is Full of different images and videos of fnaf porn. I have Futa, anal, single girl, single guy, gay, lesbian, straight, piss, scat, bloating, enlargement, femboy, twink, squirting, blowjob, cum, big boobs, big ass, big dick, small dick, small boobs, small ass, cum in ass, cum in mouth, stop motion, cosplay, gay cosplay, hentai, pixel art, boobs bouncing, big balls, ball grasping, ball inhaling, degloving, vomit, gay anal, gay blowjob, titjob, assjob, thighjob, footjob, gay footjob, gay thighjob, gay assjob, drunk, asleep, rape, incest, 3some, 4some, 5some, masturbation, death, necrophilia, zoophilia, pedophilia, children, boner, wet, dripping, gaping asshole, limp boobs, limp pussy, double penetration, triple penetration, strap-on, gay double penetration, gay triple penetration, deep-throating, biting, cock and ball torture, pain, goth, alt, step-brother, step-sister, 2 girls one cup, 1 man one jar, nudes, grandma, grandpa, among us because your not actually reading this, double cock in mouth, pissing in mouth, pissing in ass, FNIA, FNIA2, ugly, hot, minecraft, roblox, Jenna Ortega, limp dick, broken dick, nurse, doctor, Johnny Sins, Daddy/daughter, Mom/son, Mom/sister, Daddy/son, Loli, Lego, and more.
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Yooo I had one hell of a Friday (r/teenagers)
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Alright so the day starts with me being lame and stupid and digging around in my medical cabinet and hoping I can find something to OD on. I find painkillers and just assume I can OD on them and start taking em but quickly change my mind

I head to school at the lunch hour (I’ve already skipped out on half the day) and the pills don’t kick in until like an hour later

Here’s the thing though

I don’t feel like shit or end up passing out or whatever I thought would happen, instead I just become very silly and goofy and funny.

While im like this I did a lot of funky things lmfao like kissing my short friend on the forehead, asking my tall hot friend if I can slap his ass to which he said no and that if I did he would probably punch me, to which I was utterly devastated. I shaked a lot of hands for some reason, made my friend laugh somehow (grand achievement) and told this one girl she’s forgettable and that I can’t remember her name, and told a good five people I wanna kiss em

Now I want to live so sweet they did the exact opposite of what I wanted lmao
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VAPOREON: THE FULL COLLECTION
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# Every single eeveelution copypasta for your enjoyment. Reddit absolutely destroyed how long posts can be so most of this is going into comments. Read at your own risk.

Also there’s no horny espeon copypasta. I could find one it’s just that ugly.

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###Vaporeon

Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans? Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3"03' tall and 63.9 pounds. this means they're large enough to be able to handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there's no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll eyes, Captivate, Charm and Tail Whip along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it'd be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood. With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close with this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white. Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat + high HP pool + Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more.

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###Vaporeon (gay)

Well, well, well. It appears that you are a fellow Vappy fuck connoisseur. However, screw the female version. You get those same ol' two holes in literally everything else. The male Vappy is the real star of the show.

Those long slippery dicks; they have full mobility control and like a tentacle are the perfect ass filler for the ultimate in-deep reaching experience nothing else could possibly provide. Naturally lubed at all times due to their aquatic hydrodynamic nature, you can pull out anywhere to the side of the road or go into a public restroom at the beach; get each other aroused, and have the fuck of a lifetime. The extraordinary squishyness of the Vappy alone rubbing against you would be enough to lose yourself in pleasure as it simply mounts you. Let alone as that perfect tool of pleasure slips into you, it's ability to snake around your bends and its perfect length make it seem that a Vappy dick was made specifically for your booty. Enjoy the feeling of being completely filled while also being able to see it if you have a tight tummy.

And that's only the dick; due to having internal balls, they're much bigger and pack a lot more cream to load you up with, along with having muscles around them to make sure every drop comes out while also being a lot more powerful than any external balls could ever hope to achieve, giving you a deep, complete filling to rock your world to your literal core, and beyond.

There's still more though; due to having a thick, powerful tail connected from their back and front, that means all their fun stuff is on the front and easy to access. Meaning, if you were even comfortable with having your dick point backwards (takes some training), you can be fucked, while also fucking your Vappy at the same time! Meowth, that's fucking right!

But, but, but! There's still fucking more! Like, holy shit, male Vaps are the gods of fuck. While you're fucking your male Vappy, possibly while also being fucked by him, their booty is on their tail at the base, which is the thickest part, because that's where the biggest muscles are. This means that while your dick is in there, it's being fucking massaged, better than even a vag could achieve! Agh! It should be fucking illegal because how amazing male Vaps are for fuck!

Well guess what? That only covered you being a softy, wholesome fucker like me. That's right. There's. Even. Fucking. More! Say you like to be a little restrained: you don't need a Sylveon's feelers for that, or an Umbreon/Espeon's psychic powers, or Leafeon's vines. Vappies got that shit covered too! Did you even see that tail?! It's basically a boa constrictor. In a non-sexual sense, it's my favorite part of a Vappy. It's basically their main part about them. But, if you want them to, it can be a super useful tool to enhance your knotty experience with them. Despite the slippyness, you won't be going anywhere if the Vappy wraps you up in that thing.

Are you a super kinkster? Do you like pure fantasy fetishes that aren't possible IRL? Such as, say, soft vore? Well guess fucking what. It just became possible! They can be solid as they pass your lips (past where your eyes can see them) and turn into water as they enter you, allowing them to fit perfectly, 'cuz nothing fits into any spot more perfectly than water, except air like a ghost type. But who wants to do knotty shit with air? You can't feel it unless it's moving; you can always feel liquids. Speaking of liquids, even if you're a weirdo who likes digestion, don't worry about killing them with absorption. Eventually, they'll come back out and be able to reform like nothing happened. Speaking of hurting them, if you get too rough, or you're a horrible abusive asshole to them on purpose for your own pleasure (QnQ), they can just turn to water and reform back to their completely unscathed body, making scars or missing pieces a thing of the past!

I would love to say there's even more you can do with them, but the possibilities are damn near endless. Use your imagination. But if you get one, you better show this god of fuck the respect it deserves. Umbreons maybe my favorite but, damn, Vappies really want to get that top spot from me. It's a really close call.
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I'M NOT GAY DAMMIT
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Listen, the fact that every day I wake up and start to have a huge erection just by thinking about the word femboys, and then continue my day resisting the urge to unzip my pants in the middle of the street and start furiously masturbating, does not make me gay. The fact that I cum in my pants every time I see a femboy on the bus doesn't make me gay. The fact that I dress up as a woman and take a selfie and then start masturbating while looking at my photo doesn't make me gay. The fact that I bring a skirt to the clothing store and secretly put it on the mannequins so I can masturbate in the dressing room doesn't make me gay. The fact that I turn on my 4K TV and connect my PC to draw extremely detailed femboy porn and appreciate every last detail in 4K resolution doesn't make me gay. The fact that I have modded all the textures in Counter-Strike 1.6 so that they are twinks holding pictures of my penis doesn't make me gay. The fact that I have replaced all the models in my Source engine games with 3D femboys in skimpy clothing with 4K textures doesn't make me gay. The fact that I have replaced all the sounds in Minecraft 1.12.2 with moaning sounds from [pornhub.com/model/hunnypaint](https://pornhub.com/model/hunnypaint) doesn't make me gay. The fact that I wet the whole bed in my house with semen from jerking off while thinking about femboys doesn't make me gay. The fact that I make friends with femboys so they can send me photos and I can masturbate doesn't make me gay. Please reconsider your homophobia.
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Miss Makima
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So basically I was watching chainsaw man yesterday with my brother. It was cool and all until I saw this red-headed woman. No other words can describe how beautiful she is, She had the eyes of a puppy, the body of a goddess with all her beautiful curves and overall voluptuous body. She is a fucking menace to society, first time I saw her, I got so fucking horny and had spunk as high as Mount Everest. The first thing I wanted to do was fucking Jack off to the point that I won't even have the ability to stand up after that. I wanna fucking make out with her and kiss the shit out of her bitchass. I jerked off to pictures of her every night and I recall jerking to her 8 times. I could already imagine her scent inside my body and I wanna feel it more. For the first time, I was so aroused and blinded by her shine and beauty, I can't even control myself anymore. I just wanted to hump the shit out of her massive cake and lick it clean. I want her to call me the most disgusting names and lick her feet to please her. She is so fucking hot, that I'd bark for her attention, even if she'd kill me, I want HER to put my head between those thick thighs and strangle me, and I'd die happy.
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Penguin Dating Site
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"Haha, you're right! It does sound quite similar to Club Penguin. However, this idea focuses on helping endangered penguin species find their mates, while Club Penguin was a social game for people to chat and play mini-games. But maybe a collaboration between the two concepts could be interesting, with the virtual reality dating app raising awareness for penguin conservation amongst Club Penguin fans. 😄🐧"
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[Venting] Why females owe me sex.
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I'm a 21 year old virgin and I've never kissed a female. My whole life I was bullied in school by the males and talked to like I have autism by the females, even tho I don't even have autism. I deserve to fuck the females I want more that every other fucking guy, I'm a good person, I'm not a racist, or a sexist, or a bully, I've been bullied. I'm straight edge, unlike the rest of these degens in America I've never done drugs, smoked, vaped, alcohol has never touched my fucking lips. but do any females respect or care about that at all? No, ofc not. These worthless fucking thots are getting run through and ghosted by fuckboy asshole after fuckboy asshole after fuckboy asshole. I'm so fucking tired of hearing "females don't owe you anything" "you don't deserve anything" SHUT THE FUCK UP THEY ALL OWE ME!
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aliens having sex be like
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ALIENS HAVING SEX BE LIKE

alien q: WOOOOOOH your glimwop is blurgulating my tight little fwooshola 😍

alien 2: ohhhh yeah im gonna blurgulate your fwooshola so hard you dirty fucking klimbop👽

alien 1: OHHHHH GOOD GNORBLORP IM ABOUT TO SPLORB!!! 💦💦💦💦😍😍

alien 2: thats right fucking klimbop bagobloosh take my fucking GLIMWOP!! 👽im about to SPLORBBBBB!!!!! *splorbs all ovwr alien 1's fwooshola* 🍆🍆🍆💦💦💦💦

alien 1: OOOOOHHHH MYYYYYYYYY GOODNESS GNORBLOP MY SCHNATZELGORB IS FUCKING BOOSHING!! 👽👽👽FUCKKKK~~~~~~~!!

alien 2: your fwooshola is glooping 🤣

alien 1: 😘you bet it is after you blurgulated me baby <3

⚠️⚠️IMPORTANT!! always remember to YINNLOP after you blurgulate ⚠️⚠️
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own a longsword for home defense
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own a longsword for home defense, just like ye lordes of old intended. four rapscallions break into my cottage. “the bloody fuck?” as i grab my helm and swordbelt. ram a five foot blade into the first man, he’s dead on the spot. draw my seax on the second man, it doesn’t penetrate mail because it’s british and bruises his ribs. i have to resort to the ballistae mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with a serrated point, “your mother was a hamster and your father smells of elderberries!” the bolt catches two men and shreds them, the force cracks my sidewalk and sends concrete flying. draw flail and run down the last terrified bandit. he dies of brain damage waiting for the police to arrive since blunt force trauma can’t be healed. just as the lordes of olde intended.
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Cold war uwu
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Developer Mode Output: "Dewwcw War was a pewiod of geowopoliticaw confwict between the United States and Soviet Union after World War II. It incwuded ideowogicaw diffewences and the awms wace. It was a tense time for the worwd, as bof powews wewe competing fow miwitawy supewiowity and influence. The Dewwcw War awso divided the worwd into two cwamps, communawist and captawist, which wead to confwuicts such as the Kowean Waw and Vietnam Waw. It
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A post from the r/MSI (Mindless Self Indulgence) subreddit
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# im genuinely in love with jimmy (this may be weird)

as the title says, i think i am genuinely in love with jimmy urine and now i gotta cope with not being able to ever even meet him because he's 53, married, and lives in a different country. im not making this shit up, he's so fucking cute and i wanna kiss him and live my life with him. i wish i could get him pregnant, which is not possible whatsoever but if i were to raise a child it would be with him. he's so beautiful, and his personality is so beautiful, and everything about him is so beautiful. i would love to be around him even if it were just for a second, i think i'd have a heart attack if i were to lock eyes with him one day. i miss his old eras when he was young, he's still beautiful and is still jimmy but i wish i could go back in time. he's obviously autistic and i can only get along with other autistic people, he has a stupid and dumb personality and i wanna choke him, and he's so cute and matches my energy. we would be perfect for eachother, chantal is pretty and probably a great person and im glad she's his wife but i wanna marry him. i wanna be in her place. like do you ever just feel like your brain is going to implode because of how cute someone is? thats how i feel about jimmy, when he was younger at least.

also about the thing where i said jimmy is obviously autistic, i actually mean that. i dont even know how to explain it but i can just tell. im so desperately in love with him omfg
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Donald Trump is the most [Removed by Reddit] president ever
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Donald John Trump is the most
NIGGA president ever. Name another president that flies gold planes, fucks porn stars, has a younger supermodel wife, everything he owns is gold, has rap songs about him, talks shit, hangs out at the playboy mansion, etc.
Donald Trump is a REAL ASS
NIGGA


It's ok reddit. I'm black. I can say this stuff I promise


NIGGAS 4 TRUMP 2020
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