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So I'm driving along Highway 17, over to Scooterville down to Leroy's butcher shop so I could get me some turkey gizzards because everyone knows Leroy's butcher shop has got the best turkey gizzards, up there in Scooterville. There's actually several other butcher shops closer but I go to Leroy's because they're the only ones I trust. I known Leroy. I've known Leroy since I was a little kid, he's dumb as hell, but he sure knows how to cut a god-damn turkey's gizzard. And there's this little queer up in front of me driving some kind of, Japanese car, like a, Prius or something, he's driving the speed limit. I'm like, honking my horn, flashing my brights, "GET THE FUCK UP OUT OF THE WAY! GET OUTTA HERE!" And he starts signaling me like, "Go around! Go around!" Like I ain't going around, YOU go faster. Finally he pulls over the side of the road, but you know, its a thing now, I can't just go, he has delayed me. He has altered my destiny as if he had any right to do so. So I pull up behind him, I get out of my car, he turns around like, "I'm sorry man, I like tryin' to like obey the fuckin' speed limit!" I take my arm and I give him a warning across the temple. Next thing I know the police are involved. Some cop was all up in my grill, "Dummy, you can't be doing that." I'm like, "Y'know wut you think your a real man, just cuz you be wearin' dat badge?" "Why don't you whip out yer dick and I whip out my dick, and we'll see who a real man is." So he said alright and he whips out his dick and I'm like, "Pfffft!" Look at that. He's all proud like he's something. I'm like, I'm just gonna pull out enough to win because I don't wanna embarrass him. I pull it out, and he falls down on his knees because its so beautiful. Starts trying to suck on it because all cops are secretly queer. So I am disgusted with his display of "homo-eroticism". I grab my balls and I smash him accross his head and he's dead. Stone cold dead like that. And I just realized that I just killed a cop, this situation is getting a little bit tricky, lot of witnesses around in town. And I realized, I can't be letting these people know I killed this cop. I gotta kill them too. So I start killing. And now I gotta be killing the people who witnessed me, killing the witnesses. I ain't having no problem with killing a man, but, kill a whole bunch of men at once, you know, something like that makes you feel dirty inside. So I started praying to Jesus. I'm like "Jesus, can you come down here and let me know if what I did was OK?" And he, you know, I'm tied with the JC, because I used to be a truck driving man, and I was in the Church of Satan, I had 100 Satanic prostitutes, I was addicted to every drug there was, and then Jesus saved me. So me and him are pretty tight, I'm tight with the JC. He comes on down, he's like, he looks around, he's like, "This ain't no big deal, I wipe out towns all the fuckin' time, y'ever read the Bible? Sodom and Gomorrah motherfucker, this ain't no big deal. New Orleans, Hurricane Katrina, m'remember dat? I got typhoons, hurricanes, volcanoes, this ain't nothin', this ain't to no big deal!" "Well y'see Jesus, this ain't my only ethical quandary, y'see I came down here, to Leroy's butcher shop so I can get some turkey gizzards." And Jesus like, "Oh man, Leroy sure does have the best turkey gizzards," because me and Jesus, we bonded over them turkey gizzards. And I'm like, "Yeah, but now Leroy's dead, I can't very well steal them turkey gizzards from a dead man, that'd be wrong, that'd immoral! Its against the Bible!" He's like, "That is an ethical quandary my friend," and he takes me to Heaven, because we need to consult God for this, because this is a real tricky one. And I ask God," Y'know, is it ethical for me to take them turkey gizzards?" And God says," You know what, why don't we have an arm wrestlin' match 'bout it, you lose, you don't get the turkey gizzards, you win, y'do." So, God puts his arm upon the table and I put my arm upon the table, we're on there, and the angels is looking on and the devils is looking on, and the giant Lovecraftian beings, from the 9th Dimension is looking on. And they're all eager to see who's gonna win, the stars begin to shake, entire planets are reduced to ash and cinder. But after 78 long days of a stalemate, I emerged victorious. God can no longer match my strength. The very act of defeating God in an arm wrestling match somehow reconstituted the very nature of the universe, redefining reality, and shaping it, to my whim. But I never did get my turkey gizzards. I never did. Life just ain't fair sometimes.