Cor blimey, 'ave ya 'eard that Vaporeon's the bee's knees when it comes to bonkin' with 'umans? They're well suited, 'cos they're in the field egg group and they're a good size to 'andle a bit of the old in-out, standin' tall at 3"03' and weighin' in at a hefty 63.9 pounds. And they're well slippery, so if ya get 'em goin', they'll be as wet as a fish in no time, and they can take a good poundin' thanks to their Acid Armor and base stats for HP. And let me tell ya, they're a proper looker with moves like Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip. And they ain't got no fur to hide their nips, so ya know they're always ready for a bit of the old slap and tickle. With Water Absorb and Hydration, they can keep goin' all night long with enough water. I'm tellin' ya, there's no other Pokemon that can match their level of compatibility. And check this out, mate, if ya pull out enough, ya can even make 'em turn white. Vaporeon was made for the 'uman dong, no doubt about it

I am literally breaking apart right now. Every inch of my body is trembling with anger, because of one big thing;

​

I really love Noelle. I don’t want to marry with anyone except for her. Her perfectly strong and elegant figure. Her beautiful deep green eyes. Her strength as the maid of Favonius. I hate how painful the truth is, that I will never be able to marry with her; spending the rest of my life with her is the biggest thing and the last thing that I want in my entire life. I want my huge dream yet its impossible to reach. I will do anything, LITERALLY ANYTHING, even just once to let me go on a date with Noelle. Just why does this perfect, ideal woman have to be fictional... W-WHY?! Is it just to make fun of me? Why would a woman, so perfect that it’s impossible to exist?? Why would Hoyoverse do this..? It’s not even funny anymore. Screw everything.

Yes, don't you know? Every member of the NBA takes their used condom to a secret facility where they dump their semen into a giant pool and the winning team for the year gets to watch as the other teams have to dunk their wives in the collective cum of the NBA every day until they all get pregnant out of hope that they create the next generation of the NBA

Been scrolling a lot lately just to find some good shit like they produced in 2007. All the god damn shit they produce now is so half assed!!’’! All these uncut cocks where you can’t even stretch the f…………f……..🤮foreskin back…..it’s not what I’m here for. And the bitches don’t even moan like the pristine kittens from my day. Sure I may be only 24, but I remember when porn was PORN. Alexis Texas was king and velocity vonn ruled the industry. ALANA MAE could knock the socks off of the likes of Kendra subderland, violet myers, or Riley read. And what the fuck happened to Layla London. She could guck. No cap she could guck. My parents are divorced and I’ve been through a lot; porn was my escape. These cumsluts could’ve been my leonardo DiCaprio but they decided to take their money elsewhere. Marriage probably. I’m done. If any of you know any Lora stars that can compete with the class and acting of those from days of old, fuckin tell me. But I’m done. Bring back the OGs like Mandy from Honeychest circa 2005 or I’m FUCKING DONE.

Hewwoo evewyone! *giggles cutely* It's your wovewy Qwandawe Dingwwe, hewe to bwing a wittwe sunshine and happiwyness into youw day! I hope you'we all doing wondewfully and that you'we having a suuuper sweet day! *smiles brightly*

So, wately, my cousin Henry Bewtolomew Dingwenut had a bit of a mishap. But, no need to wowwy, evewything's aww bettew now! And can I just say, my adowable Asian bwother, Kwon Wingwing Dingwe, is such a cheeky wittle cook! He added a wittle too much spice to my favowite wamen the othew day and I couldn't stop gwabbing fow my milk! *blushes* It was so spicy, but also suuuper yummy!

Anyway, I'm just so excited fow all the wondewful things that life has in store fow me! I'm hoping to go on a cuuuute wittle twip to Itawy someday, maybe even vistit the land of pizza and pasta! *giggles*

But most impowtantly, I hope that you'we all taking gweat cawe of youwsewves, getting enough west and staying wawy of the colds and flu. We aww desewve to be happy and healthy! *sends virtual hugs and kisses*

Thanks fow wistening to me babble on, teehee\~ Take care, my wovewy fwiends! UwU

Me and my girlfriend just had a really long argument, she was sick of the amount of time I spent on Apex and how I don't get off my ass and help around the house when I get home from work, the end result was her making me choose between her or Apex... Add me [Ozeey](https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198104180177) on steam I'll be on every night

This is the LockPickingLawyer, and what I have for you today is a lock that's very important to me. By the time this video reaches my channel, my special someone will be very cross with me. You see, my mommy dommy locked me in a chastity cage, and I'm going to be a very bad boy. After hours of relentless teasing, my mommy dommy left me at home to squirm. Thankfully, I've discovered a unique way to bypass this otherwise challenging lock. If I think hard enough about being allowed to go outside, the blood flow to my penis decreases and I become flaccid enough to insert this tool Bosnian Bill and I made. Like so, click out of one... two is binding, dropped into a false set. Click out of three, two is binding and- oh, there we have it, folks. My mommy dommy is going to be very upset with me. In any case, if you do have any questions about my submissive cuckoldry lifestyle, please put them below. If you like this video, and would like to see more like it, please subscribe, and as always, have a nice day.

I am SO SICK of all these Pride Night posts!

So frustrating! I only want to talk about hockey. The things that hockey players say have nothing to do with the sport itself. We shouldn't have interviews. We shouldn't have commentators. Hockey players should be banned from social media. They should live on the rink and sleep on the bench and we should strictly talk about what happens on the ice. This sub should be game highlights only. There are no political issues and no major wars either. Platforms shouldn't be used to spread positive messages, because there are no problems in the world that affect me directly. So why aren't we all just watching hockey?

But instead, all these people are talking about Pride Night. Every time I see a Pride Night post (which I don't care about btw) I am literally forced to click on it, read the comments and then add my own comment about how much I don't care. It's getting real exhausting clicking on every one of them and telling people how much I don't care.

Reddit really needs a mechanism for voting on the content we want to see, and maybe even a scroll bar so we can just skip the posts we don't want. I know I'm not the only one who feels this way, because these threads are always filled with people like me, and they show up to every one of those threads to voice their opinion that they don't care and don't want to discuss Pride Night.

Also please ban Senators posts too while you're at it, I don't like the Sens and that content is also irrelevant to me.

Thanks

You're in the bathroom showering but you're really horny. You look down at your goddamn cock and say "holy shit you are so hot, im gonna suck it right fucking now" and so you try to suck your dick. You bend forward, you remember when Pewdiepie (your waifu) tells you to never give up, so you keep going even if your back hurts like ass. After five minutes you finally did it, you got the tip of your small ass penis into your mouth. Guess its time to start sucking your shit right now, you start licking and sucking on your cock. The sensation you never felt before except that one time when your uncle gucked on your ballsack. And then... Holy shit you just busted a big fat load into your moutg, what the fuck does your cum taste like? That probably doesn't matter because your back fucking snaps in half from all this bending. You're bleeding to deatg and your back hurts like fucking hell. Desperate for help, you reach for your phone and dials 912, you fucking idiot. The police still comes and takes you to the ambulance. The ambulance drives you to the hospital where the doctors will do surgery on you. Then the operation starts.

The operation was a failure. You just wasted your entire fucking life to a blowjob. Your friends couldn't believe in their eyes when they found out what happened to you. The story becomes increasingly popular, your name echoes across the entire country through news and social media. From now on, you will forever be known as the dumbass that died from trying to suck your own penis. At least society is relieved for there is one less dumbass like you, you are very deserving of a Darwin award. Your story will be told countless times for future generations to see and learn from your failure. This is your legacy now, you live on as your name is being used as a symbol of human stupidity.

sa-mi usuc chilotii pe crucea ma-tii. sa-mi luati cacatul la polizor pâna va sare pana în ochi. bagami-as pula în capul vostru de imbecili avortati. nu valorezi nici cat microbii de anthrax dintre celulele de sperma coclita infestata - cu sifilis din pizdele curvelor de mame ce avetzi. bagami-ati limba-n gaura curului sa-mi gadilati hemoroizii. spune-i mã-tii sã-mi dea bani înapoi. esti mereu la fel de idiot sau azi este o ocazie specialã? de ziua muncii mã-ta defileazã pe autostradã. dacã as avea un dinte în cur te-as musca de nas. dacã as avea un ochi in pulã m-as uita toatã ziua n gura mã-tii. daca te lasa parintzii sa intri pe mirc in cursul saptamanii sa aduci maine buletinul sa trec pula pe numele tau daca slobozul ar eroda ma-ta ar fi la a 10-a prote sa va ard pa cruce pa voi si pa neamurile voastre, mainile voastre sub tramvaiu 19 sa fie, ultimele 2 boli aparute de voi si da familiile voastre sa se lege, mancami-ati pula de jepati rastigniv-as cu capu-n jos ca sa-mi dau drumu mai usor pa voi si pa fata voastra, in timp ce-mi mancati pula cu sos uncle bens. pizda ma-tii e prea mica a intrat la apa de cata sperma fierbinte a ingitit nu vezi ca esti un retardat must shi jegos spalate ca in seara asta merg cu pula in inspectzie la tine in gura shi nu vreau sa'mi lasi urme pe domnul '" kapul pulii"!!!!!!! am auzit ca pe ma-ta o fut dracii in talpa iadului. lu ma-ta i s-o virusat pizda cand tea facut si a trebuit sa de reset de acea tu functionezi numai cu ctrlaltdel spune-i lu ma-ta sa se mai spele pa dinti ca-i fermenteaza sperma aia care -am plasat-o ieri in gat in numele poporului te ro‹ ( nu mai sugi pula ca mata e pofticiasa a ramas gravida cu un babuin shi tot vine la mine sub monitor shi ma gadila senzual pa coaie. in dictionar in dreptul cuvintului muie vezi poza lu' mata am auzit ca ma-ta fute ingerii doar ca sa puna o vorba buna pentru viata de apoi tu esti o gramada de slobozi imprastiati in atmosfera si redirectionati in gura lu ma-ta cu scopul de ai cracana gaura curului care a fost intepata de toti turci care au cotropit romania de-alungul anilor. v-am stiut io de tarani fara cultura, dar nu non stop cu pula-n gura am auzit ca sugi pula ca eminescu fara sa-ti bata luceafara in geam. du-te si imbogateste-ti repertoriul si pe urma vin-o la mine sa te smecheresc putin. auzi ma pula bleaga o mai dor pe mata genunchii? cand ma uita la fatz imi aduc aminte de cea mai nespalata poola pe care a supt-o ma-ta recunoaste ca tie nutzi mai sta pula dreapta doar daca stai capra trage aer in cur ca nu o sa mai poti respira de atata pula cata o sa primesti, sugea-mi-ai nectaru din pula. du-te dracu ca daca te scutur odata iti pica pulele din cur precum merele din pom. auzi ba retardatu dracu ia-o pe japita aia de ma-ta si mergeti si vindeti foamea ce o avetzi in voi la piatza ca sigur devenitzi miliardari caca-m-as pa mormatu tau sa aiba ma-ta in ce sa infiga lumanarea. sugea-m-ai de pula pana intra un coi in coma tu si coarda penala de ma-ta sa-mi suflatzi in pula pan sa fac aburi sa spunetzi ca vam futut an stil trenuletz de epoca vezi ca e un anunt in ziar: se cauta belitor de pula profesionist pentru china sa-i dau lu ma-ta la muie de la unu ca daca stau la parter o sa zica lumea ca pula mea e furtun de pompieri a-ti terminat poponarilor si limbistelor? sa v-o trag cu tot neamul meu si so sugeti cu tot neamul vostru sa-ti dau mie din vole ca din plonion mata nu ma lasa sa dau si la alti e egoista nu ma necaji ma cotoflete, puta de sobolan infipta intr-un borcan de alifie esteb de fapt o stafie magalie rupta in jaurtul ma-tii ma carnat cacat de ma-ta in trei siroaie cacacioase umplute cu umplutura minca-mi-ai pola de mamaligar asternut pe pizda ma-tii baaaa muie cocosata si stalcita de bunica-ta in pat cu sor-ta de sparcaiala ce steriofoneaza pe f. ta de furcar ce esti in coasta ma-tii de schisofrit infipt in doua paie ruginite am auzit ca ai tot timpu la tine caramizi ca esti cu fata in lucrari. bai putoiule sa te vad la gherla sa-ti dea detinutii pe la curisorul tau strimt sa te vad cum umblii in patru labe dupa aia, avorton turat la maxim ce esti sa te ridic pe pula sa te arunc pe luna si sa te dau cu capu de bordura drequ da lighioana caca-ti-as fruntea limbric gaozar mai driblezi rahatzi pe terenu de fotbal dupa meci? sau te-ai sucit acu freci bara? hai ca te las sa mi-o sugi putin , tare mult m-ai rugat in private, treci la aparat, dar spala-te pe dintii aia de girafa inainte cA mirosi a carbit vai mamaaaaaa c dinti de cotoroanta calcata cu tractor ai, gata ! nu te mai las nici sa ma sugi la pula ca mi-e frica, sa mor io, cu dintii aia de girafa mi-e si sila , zau asa mai cumetre aia nu-i gura ce ai tu, scarnavie, aia e taietura in cap, facuta de un mester nebun ba pisoar ambulant, nu vezi ca se pise toti in tine shi nici nu trag apa? toata viata am fugit de prostie si fudulie, da tu le ai pe amandoua, sa moara ma-ta calcata cu tractor de michael schumacher hai ia-o pa ma-ta de mana aia ei ciunga si duce-ti-va in padure sa sugeti pula la urs ca va plateste tata biletu de autobuz numa sa nu va mai vad ca mi se face greata si iar vomit pe voi
uscatilor, ruginitilor. nu-nteleg nimic bai prostovane, nu mai vorbi
pe gura aia de curcan spanzurat cu
lasoul ca n-ai dictie da ai frectie pe care sa i-o faci lu ma-ta cu pula-n cur. am auzit ca ai fost ieri la camp, la cules de pula shi cand sa aduci acasa ceva pentru ma-ta, tu supsesei tot. mai lingi mult pizda de la mortaciuni, ma necrofilule ?, singuru tau mod in care ai contact sexual cu o fata. cand iti cumperi fatza sa imi dai curul inapoi ca m-am saturat sa ma cac pe unde mananci tu ducea-te-ai cu fata lu ma-ta la arat. tu n-ai coaie, bai
homosexual imputit , tu ai o urma de pulicica si doua cosuri de le tu, mincinos mic , "coaie" . dac vrei coaie , hai la tata sa ti le dea pe la buzisoare de n-ai sa mai poti zice nici cum te cheama, bai rahat cu girofar ce esti baga-ti-ai pula-n priza sa faci putin ca pomu de iarna si sa ne pisam cu totii pe tine de castravete ce esti, nimfoman imputiti shi sugar desavarsit tactu am auzit ca era ortacu care ajunsese sa suga pula pentru un strop de tuica nu ti-a ajuns cata pula ti-ai luat aseara la gingile alea ca niste ciuperci stricate? ti-a mai zis cineva ca puti a kkt cu miere, cu un strop de sperma si unul de untura de peste? vezi ca am trecut ieri pe la mine shi ma-ta mi-a cert niste laptic pentru bebelusu de tine shi io i-am dat, team investit shi pe tine asha ca fii recunoscator am auzit ca vinde ma-ta un kil de cartofi, ba futuva in cur de poponari ce santeti de ce nu va dati la muie unu altuia sau sa va duceti pe centura sa va corditi in bostan asa mai cistigati si voi un ban pentu ca sa mai stati pe net curistilor tot bou esti de cand a regulat-o bunica-tu pe ma-ta shi a spurcat toata familia ta de maimutze sugatoare de sperma imi pare rau pentru ma-ta aia care te-a basit asa prost, akum tre' sa suga pula sa iti dea de mankare pentru papagali cand i-o dadeam lu ma-ta pe la spate ca masina de cust ileana (adica cu trei viteze) nu prea mi-am day seama ca o sa iasa un papagal raios ca tine, de stiam mai bine n-o futeam pe ma-ta aia grasa esti o putulica de sconcs pansat ti-am spus de mii de ori ca daca nu te speli pe dintii aia de raton paralizat nu te mai las sa ma sugi de slobz sa-i bag eu lu' tarfa aia de ma-ta o grenada in pizda sa o fac bucatzi dati-ar trenul matzele alea pline fasole afara mah saracie sa ma pa burta ma-tii si pa istoria ta de rapadulă, de stiam mai bine n-o futeam pe ma-ta aia grasa esti o
putulica de sconcs pansat ti-am
spus de mi de ori ca daca nu te speli pe dintii aia de raton paralizat nu te mai las sa ma sugi de sloboz sa-i bag eu lu' tarfa aia de ma-ta o grenada in pizda sa o fac bucatzi dati-ar trenul matzele alea pline cu fasole afara mah saracie sa ma cac
pa burta ma-tii si pa istoria ta de rapandula si finta beata, refulatule
slobozi-m-as pa mamica vostra aia alba ca zapada si pa cei sapte pitici nefricosi si sifilitici, baga-v-as pa gat coiu sa mor io dac ' o pish pe ma-ta'n ochii o sa ma vezi in valuri prostule imi dai voie sa 'mi bag shi yo pula 'n ma-ta sub burta unde are pielea rupta? spargea-v-as amigdalele cu sarea din curu meu lingailor baga-ti-as paru-n inima perversa ciudata si sidoasa, tarfa de colt smolita ce esti sa faceti sex oral cu soacra'ta, profana-v-as mormintele, bora-mi-as deiarea pe fata vostra hido
fututi dumnecatii si dumnezaii si
altarii matii sa ti fut si tot neamul tău de orangutan.

i put my balls. so yesterday i want to see what mixer mixy machine do to my balls. i thought i will get new balls and i put my balls in the mixer mixy machine. i turn it on but then i cry. now im in hospital. my girlfriend say i dont have any balls. my balls died. someone. please. give me balls. i have given my medical certificate and bank account so that anyone please donate. the doctor say they have new magical procedure they're trying which might give me new balls. guys please we need 100 thouzand dollar for balls

​

guys, thank you for the dollar. i never think so many would come to help me live my life again. my girlfriend is so happy. doctor said im getting balls tomorrow. guys. i not know how to thank you all. i love you all men.

​

guys, what happen, today i woke up after 7 hour surgery, by now i see my balls are not there. doctor saying the thing failed. guys what, why. im so sad. i cry. doctor say procedure fail badly. they say i have 2 more days. why this happen to me im so sad. now i can not live without my balls. my girlfriend is crying every minute for me. what is happening guys i dont know. please guys do something. help me guys. i need balls.

Hello reddit, today I was rubbing my penis very fast with my hand then all of a sudden this massive release of white fluid came out of my penis, I searched up on google 'white fluid discharge from penis' and the results said I had a UTI. Could anyone figure out what came out of my penis?

Nobody gets executed like me. I’ll have the best execution, maybe ever. It’ll be a very fantastic execution, and people are going to talk about it, for a long-long time. They say it’s going to be a small turnout. They’re saying people won’t come out to watch it, but that’s a lie. The media wants you to think that, that people don’t want to see me get executed, but it’s not true. My execution will do record numbers. We’re expecting, perhaps, the greatest execution in the history of executions. It’s going to be tremendous, a very good execution, the best.

\-Opening

Who are we?? REDDIT NATION!! What do we want?? NNO MORE TIKTOK AND INSTAGRAM!! When do we want it?? NOW!

\-Chorus starts

Reddit nation yeah we are Together we can go very far Take down tik tok Take down instagram Take down everything we dont give a damn That’s because reddit nation will rise up Yeah we never will give up

We the reddit army We hoard the enemy like a skarmy (clash royale sound effect) We cant be taken down Yeah you cant make us frown When tiktok sees our army Im sure their pants will brown

(taken from r/teenagers)

As a professional sphincter stretcher this is science. Had an emergency the other day and was speeding over to my client. Unfortunately I got pulled over for speeding. When the cop said where's the emergency why were you going so fast I explained that I'm a sphincter stretcher and need to get to my client. He looked at me puzzled and asked what is a sphincter. I said you know (gesturing down, slightly embarrassed) you know like your butthole. The cop fires back you mean asshole. I nod. He says what the hell is asshole stretching. I said well it can relieve stress. And it opens up the lower bowels to help remove toxins. He asks so how does this work? I say well you work one finger in, then two and before you know it you got both hands in there. Then you massage the opening and before you know it it's opened up and the client feels relief. For very high stressed people sometimes you got to stretch that out to 5 or 6 feet. The cop looks at me in shock and asks WTF you going to do with a 6 foot asshole. I said give it a radar gun and pull people over.

1. It is not gay if you say no homo

2. It’s not gay as long as you wear socks

3. It is not gay if it is a femboy since it looks feminine enough

4. It is only gay if the balls touch

5. It’s fine as long as you close your eyes and pretend it’s a girl

6. It’s not gay as long as you say you didn’t enjoy it

7. It is more gay to have sex with women since if you have sex with a woman and she has had sex with other men before, then you are pretty much touching cocks with another man. But if you suck a guy’s dick and women have sucked his dick before, then you are pretty much kissing a woman which isn’t gay.

8. It is not gay sex if you are both straight men having sex since you are straight

9. It is only gay if you bottom

10. Giving your bro a handjob isn’t gay you are just helping him out

11. It isn’t gay if you wear a condom

12. It’s only gay if you are attracted to him

13. It’s not gay if he dresses like a girl for sex

14. It’s not gay as long as you pull out

15. It’s only gay if you make eye contact

I shall not have it sir! that thee would detest me due to mine own inherent virtues. Perhaps if thyself, being the gentleman that you are, found yourself in the company of a barber that were able to present thee as a man of class, rather than the proletariat mess you currently appear to be. Thy would find himself with considerably more mistresses. Or prithee the fairest maiden Beatrice shall return thy letters, as opposed to enjoying the company of her recent fancies such as the apothecary or the scribe.

Angela Zeigler, a brilliant scientist, doctor and worldwide advocate for peace. One of the most gifted doctors in the world. Not to mention that she is Beautiful enough to be a runway model. The **Perfect** combination of brains and beauty, a 10 if there ever was one. And you, you fucking degenerate uncultured swine you decided to call her cute. **Cute** is a word used to describe a pet or a fucking wild animal, not to describe a Woman, no a Queen, No an **Angel**. This only shows how far Blizzard has fallen, a company world renowned with international championships for their games called Mercy, **Angela Fucking Zeigler** "Cute".

How you can see these pixelated little sprites as objects of sexual desire is entirely beyond my comprehension. My brain is desperately trying to tell itself that this comment is a joke. Genuinely and unironically referring to these featureless, expressionless pixels as “nice pretty girls”… I genuinely cannot understand in the slightest. I can’t even send a silly picture or image out of spite of your ignorance in this case, I simply feel dejected and hollow inside knowing I share a planet with creatures that seemingly unwillingly feel this way. I wish I was never brought into this miserable and decrepit existence. I’m so sorry you have to live this way.

sphlompy morgy mixaplex triphooly gaspomancy zinkity panjarshina gloobilate drangulitum krazzimyta dwilobix zikramoody xenotaphor chimilifunk kroozlewood oogalorium wibblywobble harplumpton zigglegloom buntybungle skifluffle puffanoodle skedoodledee frizzlefrap mookapooka blumpetybump jibberjabber zippityzoom flipperflooper smurfberry doodlebuggle snickerdoodle wugglewumpus whatchamacallit flibbertigibbet gobbledygook natterjack cricklecrackle doodledumple wifflewhuffle muddlepuddle jibjabberwocky zigzagzoom wobblywonka