So I (19M) was sitting in the Living room watching Morbius. My parents(senior citizens) visited to come check on me. They caught me watching Morbius and they got very upset because I have been through phases like this before. I convinced my mother (55F) that Morbius is great, but my father (56M) disagreed. So I yelled ITS MORBIN TIME and may have beat the living shit out my father. My mother(idiotic) then said YOU DID THIS LAST TIME DURING YOUR NFT PHASE so then I plunged her to the depths of Tartarus. My sister (19F) and her friend (18F) saw me and then tried to run so I yelled OH NO YOU MORB'T and morbed so much they died. I at this point, had almost become God. I had blown up my house and set on fire to get rid of the evidence. At this point I, (20M) have been running from the CIA, the FBI, the police, the Secret Service, Interpol, the UN security unit, Disney S&P, and Google Maps. I have almost reached the final phase of morb. Soon my original being will die off and I will morb in the final morb. I morbing regret morbing Morbius. Oh morb. Im gonna morbing morb myself. Morb this. Morb it all.
**TL;DR I killed my dad over a movie and ended up internationally wanted.**

God I want to fuck the hell out of that robot. Everything about it turns me on. I cannot fathom how badly I just want to have it with me. Every day it clouds my mind. I cannot go 5 minutes without seeing it once. I wish it would just lie down in bed and leave itself open to whatever I want to do to it. I would let it do whatever it wants to me. I don't care how painful it would be weather it's male or female. I wish I could fuck it all night every night. I've begun my studying in mechanics just for the ability of having one night with it. God everything about it makes me so fucking horny the robot is so god damn hot please just one night.

I NEED HELP, I screwed up really bad!

So there’s this girl I’ve snuck out with a few times, and when we sneak out we mainly just talk and joke around with each other, nothing sexual.

But today I texted her and asked her if she wanted to sneak out, she said yes. But when we were texting she said she wanted to have sex! And me being a horny teenager stupidly agreed.

Now I don’t know what to do, I really don’t wanna loose my virginity yet, but I’m afraid if I tell her no she’ll tell her parents I raped her or some shit like that.

So now I’ve backed myself into a corner and I have no idea what to do. Please help

at this video, me and this cute short femboy cosplayer will have hardcore anal sex. will i cum inside his adorable tight ass sissy boy asshole before i beat the ender dragon? also according to youtube statistics only 15% of the people who watch my videos are‏‏‎‏‏‎‏‏‎‏‏‎­subscribed, so if you end up liking the video consider subscribing, it’s free and you can always subscribe later. enjoy the video.

i mean they're all really low effort but this one takes the cake, not funny at all me & the homies agreed that we're unsubbing, u were a meme & as all memes do they die out except the good ones, u were just a mid/below mid one, same thing over & over no real freshness, stay unfunny my G

GUYS!!! I WAS JUST DIAGNOSED WITH ADHD!! MY DOCTOR JUST PERSCRIBED DESOXYN WHICH IS METH!!!! OMG I AM GOING TO BE RICH AT SCHOOL! I HATE TAKING MY MEDS SO I AM GOING TO SELL THEM AT SCHOOL!! ME AND EVERYONE IN MY CLASS ARE 6 YEARS OLD SO WE ARE JUST STUPID LITTLE KIDS LOL!! I WILL SAY ITS CANDY AND SELL THEM FOR A DOLLAR LOL! LETS SEE HOW THIS GOES LOL!


UPDATE: LOL GUYS I STARTED GRINDING THE PILLS UP AND PUTTING THEM IN GUMMIES! I ALREADY MADE 100 DOLLARS!! JIMMY LIKED THE CANDY SO MUCH HE FELL ON THE FLOOR AND DIDNT GET BACK UP!!

UPDATE: GUYS I MADE 1000 DOLLARS WITH MY METH GUMMIES!! I JUST BOUGHT A NEW GAME CONSOLE AND TV AND SOME GAMES!!!

UPDATE!! GUYS!! GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS! BAD NEWS IS THAT MOMMY FOUND OUT I WAS SELLING METH AT SCHOOL SO SHE LOCKED UP MY MEDS BUT GOOD NEWS IS THAT SHE SAID THAT THE SFHOOL SAYS I AM NOT ALLOWED TO GO TO SCHOOL ANYMORE! BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!

I once fapped nonstop for 16 hours straight to all the gina Carano scenes in Mandalorian. It was a brutal beat down. I went through almost a dozen boxes of tissue, several bottles of lotion and had to wipe scrape and repaint several sections of my bedroom walls. It got to the point where it was more painful than fun.

After climaxing one final and absolutely behemoth nut (I viscerally screamed outloud) to the scene where Gina and Bill Burr were flirting i realized my penis had lost all tactile sense from the shaft down. I was so concerned I told my mother. Upon pinching it with her index finger and thumb i spilled a suprisingly large amount of goo considering the sheer number of climaxes I had experienced in the previous hours. There was no sexual feelings towards my mother and I think her pinch just cleared the last of the sludge out of the pipe so to speak. But it was still embarrassing.

Ever since I can't maintain an erection for more than a few seconds and I've fallen into a deep depression. My doctor says experiencing that much sensual and raw sexual pleasure staring for hours at the woman I love and adore made my brain reach such highs that I chemically cannot experience happiness anymore. Idk what to do. I walk through my day an empty husk feeling nothing. Everything feels so pointless.

I guess I'm excited for the new Daily Wire movie with her...

Joe: You're gonna' hit the next customer with a "Hey moustache."

Q: Sorry moustache, I'm-

Moustache: Don't call me "Moustache."

Q: Don't call you-

Moustache: And let's go home, alright?

Q: See I couldn't even do it Moustache I had to-

Moustache: I said don't call me Moustache.

Q: I wasn't speaking to you, I was speaking to her

Moustache: This clown over here...

Q: Don't call me clown. Well don't call me clown.

Moustache: I'm gonna call you "Clown."

Q: Don't call me Clown, Moustache. Alright Moustache don't call me clown y'know what I'm saying?

​

Context: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9z1vhROBFo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9z1vhROBFo)

I know this sounds bad but hear me out I recently got this puppy from a funny looking pillar on uranus, idk why I went there tho but the puppy looked cute so I took it, when I introduced it to my family funny portals began opening and spewed solar flares, it looks like slept or somethin. Smh people get sleep. Anyways more people began sleeping when more portals opened. So I think the sounds of the doom coming from portals is very relaxing. 2 hours later and I have the city to myself this is an awesome day for me the puppy and the freedom then I realized that I was sleeping the entire time and my puppy was writing this for me which is very WIERD this puppy is so cool tho. For the 4 people out there who read this is, this is a cognito hazard and you're currently dying

so ok this is embarrassing but i’ve accidentally gotten into the habit of moaning like a twink in gay porn everytime i hurt myself or drop something and USUALLY i can stop myself when i’m around company EXCEPT the other day when i dropped my ipad when my dad was working and i let out the GAYEST moan and i heard my dad stop typing, sigh, and then continue doing what he was doing

i like batman, i wanna fuck batman and leo and i want to be batman i’m waiting for batman, batman i wanna be batman and batman batman and i love batman and batman and batman is batman batman is batman batman is batman i love batman batman is batman and batman i want to be batman and batman batman is batman and batman batman is batman batman batman is batman and batman batman is batman and batman batman is batman and batman batman is batman and batman batman is batman and batman batman is batman and batman batman is batman and batman batman is batman and batman batman is batman and batman batman is batman and batman batman is batman and batman batman

Do you have a source on that?

Source?

A source. I need a source.

Sorry, I mean I need a source that explicitly states your argument. This is just tangential to the discussion.

No, you can't make inferences and observations from the sources you've gathered. Any additional comments from you MUST be a subset of the information from the sources you've gathered.

You can't make normative statements from empirical evidence.

Do you have a degree in that field?

A college degree? In that field?

Then your arguments are invalid.

No, it doesn't matter how close those data points are correlated. Correlation does not equal causation.

Correlation does not equal causation.

CORRELATION. DOES. NOT. EQUAL. CAUSATION.

You still haven't provided me a valid source yet.

Nope, still haven't.

I just looked through all 308 pages of your user history, figures I'm debating a glormpf supporter. A moron.

Do you ever get that strong urge to set up a nice big blank canvas as big as an entire wall and then destroy it, and rip it apart with your teeth? As you are biting it and as you start to rip away what could be you become what is. A monster. I dont either....

*opens zipper* OwO, whats this? A banana! Is this for little old me? Why thank you! *Plays with long banana* OwO, its really hard, I wonder why… hehe x3 *nuzzles it* UwU, its so warm… you really like this huh, UwU! *rubs banana* 0//0… its leaking, but dont worry I can clean it up *slurps it all out and spills a little* Lets continue

Dreams start small, they all start small. If you go through with the dream, it expands to a reality.

And having a dream is the first step towards a goal. A goal to be a successful human being. A goal to make new technology. A goal to be smart. Most of all though, a goal of successability.

This is the first step towards the dream. To graduate from middle school. To begin, I need to thank you all for coming. This speech would be worthless without the consistency of people at (my school here)This isn’t just some 18 kid school with 3 classrooms. This is a real school with real education. If you have a school with true education and you connect the education with yourself, you are essentially set. This school taught me real things. To start off, Mr.********, Mr***** and Ms.***** taught me real things in Social Studies. Not just history. Things like: The Branches in America, the things the branches can do, how jobs work, the presidential elections of 2016 and way more. I still learned about history though. I recall learnings about The Louisiana Purchase, Manifest Destiny, The Mexican-American War and other magnificent history times.
I can’t even stop to thank the other teachers. Ms. ********, Ms.*******, My IEP teacher Ms.******, Mr.**********, Ms.******, Ms.******* and Ms.******. Thank you all for distributing work for my education. I also have to thank the students that are coming up with me to high school and the ones that are staying here in middle school.

To start off, ********.
******** is one of the funniest people I met in my entire life. He is the exact definition of a jokester. He's not just a jokester though. He is arguably the most athletic player here in my opinion. He is so good he stands in high school range at 7th Grade. He was always in varsity(for sports) and will stay in varsity for the rest of his career. When he's in goal, he's a brick wall. I can’t thank ******** enough for the beautiful jokes he gave and how good of a sports coach he will be.

Secondly,
********* is the jokester number three right here. Best of all, he's coming with me to highschool and he is so funny. A remarkable moment with him was when we were outside with Mr.****and he randomly said to someone “Welcome to (my school here)” to this guy that was taking a walk. I was laughing so hard I just can’t restate it.

Third,
****. **** is in 6th grade. He is without a doubt the funniest person that I’ve met. Passing ***** and *****. He's not funny because he makes jokes. Hes funny because he says the most random things. You say “hi” to him. He says “don’t you ever say that again.” in a joking manner. He is also a 10/11 defender in soccer. No matter if you try to fake out, get around him, etc. He still gets the ball. That ball is his literal pride. Good luck in middle school ******.

During my middle school term. I’ve had some amazing moments. There is always favorites though. My favorite moment through middle school is when we were reading this book called “The Mouse Trap” It's a murder mystery story about people stuck in a 0.5 star hotel in the 1900s. I guessed the murderer right before the relevance at the end of the play and I was the only one to get it right. I got a snack and I was super happy. This book was absolutely amazing. Go read it. (and yes The Giver was good too Ms.*********)
High school is absolutely hype for me. I can’t wait for the challenges and the knowledge I will receive. I also can’t wait to see my other friends like **************The best part for me is I could possibly be on the morning show. and hopefully get into Ms.****** Tech Club. I cannot express how excited I am.

I have so many plans for the future as well. I will work my hardest to graduate at 18 or possibly even 17. Then I will go to college. I'm hopefully going to try to get into a decent college. I will learn Java, C++ and/or Python. I will hopefully join Microsoft or Nintendo. I plan on coding games and working with PCs all my life. Our technology is absolutely amazing. There's no doubt I could make it even better and If i'm lucky enough. I could be the top 10 people who made America. Im positive I can do this because I make my own reality. If you want to be smart, you got to work for it. If you want to get your dream job, you have to work for it and I am positive if I try my absolute hardest in school that I can make my own destiny.

There has been a decent amount of paragraphs about myself. However, I am perfectly aware that this graduation speech isn’t just for me. This speech shows inspiration at its finest. This speech shows that if you want to do something, the first step is to work for it. People will never hand you things out of the bag. If you want to be smart, work for it. If you want to be good at a game, work for it. If you want a better pay, work for it. You make your own reality in America. That goes to everyone, especially the other 8th graders. That includes:(insert names here)

To conclude this speech, I hope you guys thought about my expectations of my future life and my high school career. I also can’t conclude this speech without thanking my favorite teacher. Mr.*********, He may be strict but that's what I like about him. There is less drama when he's in the class. Im hoping that their will be more teachers like Mr.********* in high school. Also please congratulate Mr.******* for getting a promotion. He truly deserves it for teaching me so well.
I hope you guys have a good rest of your day.

Thank You

Number 10: He has committed crimes in real life, probably.

Number 9: He has the most realistic laugh.

Number 8: He is a very good actor and has starred in many movies.

Number 7: His body language is incredible (for example, the big damaged tattoo on his forehead. Otherwise we would not know he was damaged.)

Number 6: He has golden teeth so he has a better bite.

Number 5: He has very defined muscles when shirtless.

Number 4: He has green hair sometimes.

Number 3: He kills people.

Number 2: He’s a good method actor (He sent his co-stars dead mice and a pig head like the joker would.)

Number 1: Jared Leto is a real life supervillain.

I’m literally shaking writing this. I was jerking off to porn and then out of no where my dog jumped on my bed and starting biting my dick. I was tryna push him out of the way but he wouldn’t go away and then it happened, I cummed… I’m literally speechless I don’t feel the same and started crying for hours. It is not ok and to anyone this happens to I’m so sorry. I feel worthless now and like my dick is nothing anymore. I think I’m gonna give my dog away to a shelter and they’ll decide if they should kill him or not.

​

Uh Oh, looks like someone forgot to lock the comments section!

⠀⠀⠉⠛⠛⠻⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣶⣦⣤⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠚⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠛⢿⣿⣿⣿⠟⠛⠋⠉⠉⠉⠙⣿⣿⣿⣿⣶⣀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠰⠶⠿⢰⣿⣶⣦⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⣦⡄⠀⢀⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿⡿⠿⣿⣿⣿⠇ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⠿⠃⠀⠀⠀⣿⣿⣿⣧⠀⠀⠉⣉⣉⣩⣥⡶⠀⠀⠀⣿⡇ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠻⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⣻⣿⣿⣿⠃⠀⠀⢠⣿⠃ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⠉⠉⠁⣴⣿⣿⣿⠟⠃⡀⠀⢠⣿⠟⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣠⣤⣄⠀⣤⣤⣤⢰⣿⡦⣿⠀⣿⣿⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠛⠛⠛⠀⠛⠛⠋⠈⠉⠀⠀⢀⣿⣿⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢴⡆⣤⣤⣄⡄⢀⣀⣀⢀⣀⢀⡄⠀⢨⣿⣿⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⠃⣿⣿⣿⠇⣿⣿⡋⣿⠏⠛⣃⣤⣾⣿⣿⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣤⣤⣄⣠⣤⣠⣴⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡇⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠺⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡿⠁

Reddit, the time has come. We must converge our forces. WallStreetBets Veterans, assemble! T-Series Veterans, Assemble! All us heckin wholesome chonkers shall come together and destroy this cringe normie ad account. Reddit, do your thing! Release the downvotes! Glory to the Reddit Hivemind!

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢠⣠⣾⣷⣿⣿⣿⣷⣄⠄⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⣦⢅⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣷⡄⡀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣼⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿🧠 ⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡗⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡆⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠘⢿⣿⠁⣩⣿⣿⣿⠿⣿⡿⢿⣿⣿⣿⠛⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀👂⢷⣾⣿⣋👁️⣀⣷⣄👁️⣉⣿⣷⣽👂⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠈⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿👃⣿⡻⣾⣿⣿⣿⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠙⣿⣟⢋⣰🦷🦷⣿⢄⠉⢻⡟⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠹⣿⢿⣷⣶: ⣶⣶⠿⢾⣧⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⢀⡀⠠⠀⠂⠀⠀⣧⡚⢿⣿⡶⢶⡿⠟⣠⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠄⣀⡀⠀⠀
⠒⠒⠋⠁⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢿⣷⣄⡀⠀⠀⠀⣈⣴⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠉⠒
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⣿⣿⡿⠒⠐⠺⣿⣿⣿⣿⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⢸⢿⣋⣀⡄⠠⣢⣀⣩⣛⠇⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

It has been 4 hours since I successfully sucked my own penis. Things are different now. As soon as mouth-to- penis contact was made I felt a shockwave through my body. I have reason to believe I have super strength and telekinesis now.. 3 hours after contact I noticed a van parked on my street but no one has entered or exited the car since its arrival. I fear for my safety, I'm not sure what sort of power I may have stumbled upon but it's possible that the government has found out. If I don't update this again please send help.

Update: Just escaped from the pentagon, the government is sending all their military forces to pursue me, my life is currently in extreme peril. They attempted to strip my ability to suck my own penis but I created a shockwave to blast away the researchers before they could touch me. This is bad, I have exhausted all my chromosomes and now I have to hide and replenish my energy while the patrol helicopters fly over me.