she told me „dont worry about it“ and then proceeded to get gangbanged by 5 buff 6‘1 black guys that beat me so hard till i wasn’t able to walk and fucked her so hard before my eyes i was laying there crying and realized i couldt do anything so i proceeded to pull my tiny dick out and jerk off to it with tears in my eyes while she was moaning and cumming so loud i was never able to reach that point one week later while i was in the hospital she called me saying „it was an accident im so sorry do you wanna meet up?“ i said yes and in my wheelchair i went there and saw them again the black guys they beat me up again and spat on my laughing at me and called me pathetic i was just crying she was laughing too calling me a child with a tiny dick. the police came and laughed at me too.
3days later i wanted to shoot myself with a glock 17 but then she facetimed me while getting fucked by the same men i shot myself in that call and in my last few seconds i heard her say „Hes shooting himself hahahaha such a pathetic loser!“ while getting bukkaked

It was bad enough growing up and going to school with a last name like Faggetto. You can use your imagination to figure out what kind of jokes I received. Playing little league sports both teams would always scream "Go Faggetto Go!" Of course I was always referred to by the first three letters of my last name "Hey F\*G!" In school the teachers always tried to be so polite and not giggle when trying to pronounce my last name. I sort of got used to it after awhile but just hearing my last name was starting to sound like nails on a chalkboard.

The first thing I did when I turned 18 was change my last name with the social security administration. I decided to take on my mother's maiden name which is of German decent. I figured there was absolutely nothing which could be seen as funny associated with this last name. Or at the least least nothing like "Faggetto." To this day I still legally use her last name. My father and his side of the family were furious. They told me that I was disgracing their heritage and tried to tell me about the long line of Faggetto men from generations ago. About how they fought in wars and what not. Those Faggetto men never grew up in 1990's America and went to middle school and then high school in the 2000's. I'd take ANY war over that!

The year is 2023.
You pull your Honda Civic into the Shell-TD Bank off of North Main Street. You walk in and are greeted by an ad for the latest Mountain Dew flavor “salted mango”, on special, only thirty dollars for two bottles. “I might grab that up if I get approved for a tank of gas today to celebrate, it’s been about four months since I’ve had a soda and I’ve been craving one for weeks.” Hanging on the wall next to the loan officer’s desk is a newly framed painting of President Kamala Harris.

“Good morning, sir, the line forms over here” the security guard says to you as you shuffle over to the back of what you though was the line. Your brain just has not been the same since you gave up your morning coffee. Since the average price of a cup of joe is sitting at 55 dollars right now, you figured it is now considered a luxury and can be easily cut out of the budget.

This morning I got circumcised, all went well for the rest of the day until now. It’s 3 AM and im sitting in a fetal position crying from a night time erection. I’m in a intense amount of pain right now and my pain killers are yet to kick in. I will literally die in this bed right here right now. Pray for me.

Long before time had a name, the First Spinjitzu Master arrived on our world. A mere child, to find a world engulfed in chaos. This chaos was caused by Wojira. The Mighty Serpent of the Wave and the Storm. The First Spinjitzu Master knew, that for life to blossom in this realm, Wojira had to be stopped. With the help of the islanders and the Merlopians who dwelled in the depths of the sea, they confronted Wojira. It was a fierce battle. Wojira was too powerful. All was lost, until Nyad, the first Elemental Master of Water, leapt on to the beast and saw with her own eyes the source of Wojira's power. Two strange objects which Wojira wore upon her forehead. Nyad knew what she had to do. And alone, Nyad could not stop Wojira. She had to become a greater power, the ocean itself. She merged with it, a state she could never return from. She sacrificed herself to save the world. As for the power of the Wave and the Storm, the First Spinjitzu Master gave the first to the king of the sea, and the second to the leader of the islanders for safekeeping. When the seas calmed and grew still, the First Spinjitzu Master created Ninjago, and the world was in harmony. Balance.**Show less**

hey, this might sound like a joke, but its not. I'm very serious. All my life I've been watching porn, around 4 hours a day. Recently bumped it up to 6 hours and in the summer my plan will be 8 hours. I've mastered my game on dolls and begged my parents to buy me a Robogirl-K15 for £2400 which they promised to do for me if I get grade 9 in 4 out of 6 of my subjects, and the rest grade 7.

I really know how everything works, and how to do sex on people. (In theory) However now since I'm turning 16 this summer, I will need to apply my knowledge for me to proceed in my career. Where can I get a consenting partner to help me demonstrate my skills so I can apply for pornstar?
How do I find the nearest examination centre near me? Thank you and have a nice day.

hey, this might sound like a joke, but its not. I'm very serious. All my life I've been watching porn, around 4 hours a day. Recently bumped it up to 6 hours and in the summer my plan will be 8 hours. I've mastered my game on dolls and begged my parents to buy me a Robogirl-K15 for £2400 which they promised to do for me if I get grade 9 in 4 out of 6 of my subjects, and the rest grade 7.

I really know how everything works, and how to do sex on people. (In theory) However now since I'm turning 16 this summer, I will need to apply my knowledge for me to proceed in my career. Where can I get a consenting partner to help me demonstrate my skills so I can apply for pornstar?
How do I find the nearest examination centre near me? Thank you and have a nice day.

I know shes an anime girl but basically if women actually looked like this in real life, basically I would want to be having sex with them all the time. But appearently that will never happen because I dont know about you but ive never seen a woman irl that looks even close to this beautiful, but if one did I would treat her with respect like a true gentleman, but like I said, that will pretty much never happen.

Yesterday I was watching porn with my dog when I started doing the whip nae nae uncontrollably, after the seizure feeling was gone I quickly left to the doctors without even pausing the porn, he diagnosed me with whip nae nae, I ended up whip nae naeing home to find out the bastard dog was jerking his small dog penis without me, I beat him and did the whip nae nae on his corpse, I am now in prison for the disappearance of a child in 2017

hey, this might sound like a joke, but its not. I'm very serious. All my life I've been watching porn, around 4 hours a day. Recently bumped it up to 6 hours and in the summer my plan will be 8 hours. I've mastered my game on dolls and begged my parents to buy me a Robogirl-K15 for £2400 which they promised to do for me if I get grade 9 in 4 out of 6 of my subjects, and the rest grade 7.

I really know how everything works, and how to do sex on people. (In theory) However now since I'm turning 16 this summer, I will need to apply my knowledge for me to proceed in my career. Where can I get a consenting partner to help me demonstrate my skills so I can apply for pornstar?
How do I find the nearest examination centre near me? Thank you and have a nice day.

Slime-girls are objectively the greatest fuck you'll ever have in your life. Not only could you see your dick up in their guts or down their throat, but you could realistically fuck any part of their body you want. Got a thing for stomachs? You can fuck their belly button. Like armpits? They got you covered. Or rather they got your dick covered. In slime. And if that's not enough, they are amorphous, and can change their shape to form the most fuckable body of your dreams. It doesn't even have to be a normal body either. Want to fuck a cat girl? They got you, and you can fuck her in the ears. Want to fuck a dog girl? She's got you set. Owl, fox, bird, bunny, whatever else your sick imagination can come up with. If you can request it, she can fulfill it. Give in to the fact that slimes are godesses worthy of worship. Wake up. Take the slime pill.

imagine you're gay, you wouldn't even kiss a woman hell you won't even think about them, that just makes it a case of misogyny. so it's not just other people it's a lot more deeper than you think. fuck mindblown why should we exist.

I’ve been caught before by my whole family. I was in the living room.

I woke up around 10:00am—and no one was home. I thought: let me jack it.

I couldn’t use my phone because the screen is way to small—So I thought, is there any bigger screen I could use? Then I realised, the TV

I was home alone, I popped out the lube and my sex doll. I was going to town on Justine(the name I gave my Tantaly Sex Doll) until my aunt, grandma, uncle, sisters and mother walked in.

They went to church and came back to find me sinning on the couch. Legs wide open, enjoying Justine’s company was I usually do.

Well, my mother spoke to me about pornography and said, “it isn’t right what those men and women are doing. Porn is evil and just an act of sin.”

She prayed for me, and then the nightmare really kicked in. She wanted to throw away my Tantaly Sex Doll. I begged and pleaded my case. She ask, “where did you even get this from?” I tried countless times to evade the firing questions but was arrested into a corner. I told her, “I brought it online with the debit card I was given for my birthday”

In terms of punishment—she took the card and Justine.

That night I cried so hard BUT at the same time I was also extremely worried about my mental health;— because deep down inside i knew I’ developed emotional feelings for a $299 ($1VAT included) Tantaly Sex Doll.

It’s now been 3 weeks, going onto four. Ever since then, my family thinks different of me. My uncle can’t even look me in eye because I made Grandma faint that day— she had to go into hospital because of what she saw. What shame am I?

Later in time; I got my debit card back and mother now keeps a close eye on my purchases. My therapist says, “it’s good I’ve come to acknowledge and accept all these faults of mine and try change for the better.” It was in these moments when talking to therapist I would masquerade a smile and say, “I’ve finally started talking to real girls my age.”

Everyone now thinks I’m okay and better. They don’t know what I’m truly going through. I missed my Justine (with all my heart) she was the moon light that softy lit the dark corners of my heart.

She wasn’t an inanimate object to me, she was the Juliet to my Romeo; never—never will I forget those scarlet lips that burned as if burning love.

I’ve never felt so hurt.

I’ve tolerated his gaming habits for the entirety of the relationship because I dont want to be the controlling wife and I want him to be happy. Its only the past 3 years that he’s come to bed extremely late. He talks about the game all the time and I let him indulge in his infodumping.

Im set to go to the hospital on Monday as I might be close to delivering our first child. He said that his raid with his guild is on
Tuesday and Thursday and he’s fighting the boss of mythic and this might be his only chance to do it. The baby might be delivered next week.

I dont know how I feel about this or how to process this. Im so afraid he will choose the game over us.

I’ve had a fish tank for almost a year now. I started with 20 snails, and over the course of this year each generation of snail has had daily mass orgies. Now we are probably like on the 50th-60th snail generation. Even quite possibly more than that. Hundreds and hundreds of snails have been born and died. They have become SO inbred that they are now so depressed and slow that they can no longer really move or eat or reproduce like their sexy relatives had once before. Now their numbers are decreasing drastically. Some snails are born over the shells of their deceased inbred relatives and they don’t even make it off the pile of the lost before they themselves pass. It is truly a hell of my own unintentional creation. They thought they could just have huge kinky snail orgies on the regular with no ramifications, but they never thought about the future. They failed to recognize the drastic ramifications of banging the same 20 snails confined to their small 10 gallon glass prison. They only sought to indulge in sin, and now their severely depressed, inbred children must pay the ultimate price.

Okay guys, first day of college, my balls moist with excitement. I'm sitting alone in gender studies whenever I see her, the unicorn of my dreams. A big tiddie asian goth gamer girl with her headphones welded to her ears. Knowing that this was my only chance, I had to reel her in.

I unbuttoned the top 2 buttons of the pickle Rick costume I was wearing and then got a running start before swan diving onto her table, sliding across it until I stopped perfectly in front of her.

"You - I burped - like anime?" I asked her, my hands quaking with excitement.

It took her a second before responding.

"Yes." She said.

MOUTH DROPS "AWOOGA!" SEISURE OVERWHELMS MY WHOLE BODY VOMITS ALL OVER MYSELF \*BREAKDANCES ON THE TABLE, GETTING LIQUIDS EVERWHERE."

"It sounds like your the girl for me. Are you free this Saturday?" I told her in my masculine, chad dialect.

She stood up from the table, standing over me in all of her anime glory. For a moment, she hesitated to respond, but then I happened. She threw up all over me and the table, bathing me in her pristine gamer girl vomit. She then ran away at mach speed, and I followed her in a smooth sliver across the floor.

If you were at the Fremont Solstice Parade today and saw dick-out Spider-man (DOS), you know where this is going. I don’t have a problem with nudists with body paint on bikes. I do have a problem with a man in a full spider man suit except for a opening for his dick on a scooter with a semi-erect penis. If you’re out there and see this DOS, I don’t have a problem with your dick. I have a problem with the fact that you decided it was a better idea to rip a dick window in a Spider-Man suit then to just paint yourself Spider-Man. You went to a naked event with only your semi-erect dick exposed. How do you fuck up a nude event?

I wore a mask at Target today. Three of my lungs collapsed as I got carbon monoxide poisoning from breathing in my own bacteria. A brave patriot wearing an Affliction shirt, a MAGA hat, and sweet wrap around sunglasses saved me by giving me CPR. I thanked him and asked if he was a doctor and he said "who needs doctors when we have our fellow Americans, the ones who are here legally I mean." I hugged him and threw my mask on the ground. The Star Spangled Banner played on the speaker system as everyone in the store ripped off their masks and threw them on the ground, chanting "down with communism!" God, Jesus, and all the angels looked down upon us from Heaven and clapped.

Oh for the love of God. Enough with the MORBIUS. What’s even the joke???? “Hahahaha hey guys the movie sucks but I pretend it’s good”???? THATS NOT EVEN A FUCKING JOKE. Holy shit my dick is going to fall out of its foreskin if I have to hear, “hehe it’s morbin time” ONE MORE TIME. Not only is it NOT funny, IT DOESNT EVEN MAKE SENSE. THE POWER RANGERS HAVENT BEEN RELEVANT IN DECADES. MORBIUS SUCKS THE MOVIE IS COMPLETE TRASH AND IM ASHAMED TO HAVE SPENT MONEY ON IT. You know…. I never would have seen the movie without all of these “memes”(unfunny shitposts). I would have been a MUCH HAPPIER PERSON. So fuck your “MORBIUS” your “mighty morbin more morbs morbidly MORBIUS BULLSHIT” NO ONE CARES, YOU ARENT FUNNY. Does not a singular human being have any independent thought anymore???? “Morb morb morb morb” you’re like a BUNCH OF SEAGULLS. SEA GULLS. What the FUCK does “morbin” even mean????? ITS NOT A WORD. ITS JUST GOBBLE GOOP. I feel like I am the last truly sentient human being on earth. IM BEING DRIVEN TO THE BRINK OF INSANITY. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. TAKE YOUR MORBIUS BULLSHIT, SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS, AND GO OUTSIDE. Maybe if you went outside you could get “morb” bitches on your dick??!!! YOU LIKE THAT, YOU SEE WHAT YOUVE REDUCED ME INTO. I am a shell of a man and all of you collectively are to blame.This meme has spread like a debilitating illness AND I CANT GET AWAY FROM IT. THE FALL OF WESTERN SOCIETY IS HERE AND THIS COMPLETE UNFUNNY DRIBBLE OF A MEME IS PART OF THE PROBLEM. WHAT THE FUCK DOES “gETtiNg MoRBed” EVEN MEAN. it makes ZERO SENSE. ITS JUST GIBBERISH. FUCKING GIBB ER ISH. ITS NOT FUNNY. Saying “morb” LIKE ITS ITS OWN PUNCHLINE IS NOT COMEDY. IT IS COMEDIC AND CULTURAL DEGRADATION. Are we really so stunted as a generation that even the mention of any word that starts with m-o-r-b is FUNNY??? IN WHAT FUCKING UNIVERSE. Is it funny because it isn’t funny because praising something bad is now good??????? HOW MANY LAYERS OF IRONY DO WE NEED. HOW FAR DOES THE RABBIT HOLE GO. This website has stripped me of EVERY LAST BRAINCELL. GOING ON REDDIT FEELS LIKE IM GETTING A SUPER HERO INDUCED LOBOTOMY. I hate MORBIUS. I HATE IT. I know I’m just going to get FLOODED WITH “get morbed, this guy got morbed, what morb does to a man” HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHQHQHAHAHAHAHAHWHHSHWBSQIISHWINSIQKSBDD SSSSOOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNNNNNNNYYYYYYY AGAGAGGAGHHHHHHHHH

Hey guys. Peter Griffon here to explain the joke. First, we must understand what a joke is. A joke is a display of humour in which words are used within a specific and well-defined narrative structure to make people laugh and is usually not meant to be taken seriously. Usually it takes the form of a story, often with dialogue, and ends in a punch line. It is in the punch line that the audience becomes aware that the story contains a second, conflicting meaning. This can be done using a pun or other word play such as irony or sarcasm, a logical incompatibility, nonsense, or other means. Linguist Robert Hetzron offers the definition:

A joke is a short humorous piece of oral literature in which the funniness culminates in the final sentence, called the punchline… In fact, the main condition is that the tension should reach its highest level at the very end. No continuation relieving the tension should be added. As for its being "oral," it is true that jokes may appear printed, but when further transferred, there is no obligation to reproduce the text verbatim, as in the case of poetry.

It is generally held that jokes benefit from brevity, containing no more detail than is needed to set the scene for the punchline at the end. In the case of riddle jokes or one-liners the setting is implicitly understood, leaving only the dialogue and punchline to be verbalised. However, subverting these and other common guidelines can also be a source of humor—the shaggy dog story is in a class of its own as an anti-joke; although presenting as a joke, it contains a long drawn-out narrative of time, place and character, rambles through many pointless inclusions and finally fails to deliver a punchline. Jokes are a form of humour, but not all humour is a joke. Some humorous forms which are not verbal jokes are: involuntary humour, situational humour, practical jokes, slapstick and anecdotes. Identified as one of the simple forms of oral literature by the Dutch linguist André Jolles,[3] jokes are passed along anonymously. They are told in both private and public settings; a single person tells a joke to his friend in the natural flow of conversation, or a set of jokes is told to a group as part of scripted entertainment. Jokes are also passed along in written form or, more recently, through the internet. Stand-up comics, comedians and slapstick work with comic timing and rhythm in their performance, and may rely on actions as well as on the verbal punchline to evoke laughter. This distinction has been formulated in the popular saying "A comic says funny things; a comedian says things funny".

So now that we know what a joke is, it is time to explain it. The joke here being that Fortnite’s twitter account is displayed as saying, “show off your nuts,” it is funny because it is misleading in nature, as the image is cropped to display the joke message. Another aspect that makes this funny lol out loud is the word “nuts,” meaning male reproductive system, which is funny because uhh… it is funny because umm…. Well, it’s funny just believe me.