Can’t find them? That’s because they’re right here: 👶👶🏻👶🏼👶🏽👶🏾👶🏿 Fact: babies are leeches that don’t pay taxes

Have you watched morbius? It has inspired billions hence it making morbillions at the box office

i literally cant stand them they nonstop say fan art and panels give them teary eyes, and thinking kentucky mario is peak humour. also the fact that 90% are just fat incels

Wow. You need to get some perspective on what exactly a Moderator (note the capitalized M, which indicates respect for the role btw) is and how they get that position.

Short version: 24 months at the academy, 12 months of field training, and only then can they proudly call themselves Moderators.

If you think it's easy being a mod, then think again. They put their very lives on the line *every day*. The risk, the pressure, the consequences of making the wrong decision that could lead to things such as open debates, differing opinions, and so on.

And it's not like they can relax after a day of work. No, they're on 24/7. You don't take vacations when you're literally the pillar of the internet.

Credit: u/nxdefiant

I (M49) beat my wife (F01) the other day when she said Big Chungus wasn't that funny. I was watching big Chungus porn on reddit (wholesome 100) when my wife came in, begging to be released from my basement. I laughed in her face and told her no. Then I kept fapping to Chungus porn. She asked what I was watching, and I was in shock. How could this bitch not know what Big Chungus is? I got out the drawing board and explained all about Chungus lore. I showed her some Big Chungus memes and I started laughing hysterically at them. She looked weirded out and said Big Chungus wasn't that funny. Shock came over me. What was this bitch saying? I quickly lunged at her, impaling my fist into her face, breaking her nose and eye sockets. She screamed and howled in pain and cried. I kept beating her and yelling that Big Chungus was funny and if she didn't laugh at it I'd torture her in my dungeon. She screamed and cried until I knocked her out. I tied her to a chair in a soundproof room and locked the door. Now I sit here wondering, am I the asshole for doing that?

Tis a melancholy life for the groin,

Never feeling the ferocious, freeing heat of the sun

Nor feeling the wistful, nostalgic breeze of the wind.

The groin is naught but a limb without fun

Never knowing what is around the bend.

The sun’s rays are pushed away due to the feelings of society,

Discouraging a rogue’s gaze from invading one’s privacy,

But what could life be if the meat and balls were free?

People would shout with glee and frolic happily.

But alas, the crotch is always shrouded and cloaked,

Naturality shunned due to the laws that man wrote.

No one cherishes the sight of the loins;

Tis a melancholy life for the groin.

What is based?

A word used when you agree with something; or when you want to recognize someone for being themselves, i.e. courageous and unique or not caring what others think. Especially common in online political slang.

The opposite of cringe, some times the opposite of biased.

The latter usage is the original use as coined by rapper Lil B, and the word originally took off on the meta-ironic website 4Chan with the latter meaning. For that reason the word is largely used meta-ironically (without context you can't tell if it's being used ironically or sincerely as it's used in both ways) and was popularized in online political slang of conservatives and the political right before being adopted into mainstream online political slang (likely through shitposting websites or subreddits such as r/politicalcompass memes that are similar to 4chan in their meta-irony and "edginess" but contain a wider variety of political beliefs) and eventually adopted into general online vernacular.

When used in online political language it can mean "based in fact" or the opposite of biased due to the number of people who saw it being first used seriously by the online political right and came to the conclusion that is was related to the phrase "destroyed with facts and logic" in reference to right wing personality Ben Shapiro.

Gay atheist HellsAtrium aka Andrew is claiming CosmicSoulStorm raped him but the only thing CosmicSoulStorm has raped is HellsAtrium's mind by intellectually destroying it lmaooo

guys I've been fucking my ex all day, and I have to go to the store so i'm sitting on my couch with my pants down watching the ex play on the PS3. all of a sudden I get a ping on my phone from him and he starts texting me "hi" and "good morning" and "just waking up."


so I call him back and he answers and I'm sitting there on my couch with my pants down watching porn and titty fucking my dog and he says he wants to come over and can I take my pants off?


I say sure but he doesn't answer he just keeps texting me, so I start picking up my phone and typing him back and I'm like I can't do this over text so I type "hey where are you at?" and he says at the house in the living room and I say "we'll be over shortly".


so I hurry and get dressed and my dog jumps in the car while I'm still in my boxers and we get to his house.


so we go in and he's in the living room watching some video game show and I walk in and am like hey do you want to fuck? and he just stares at me and he starts shaking his head and I'm like hey c 'mon I'm sorry I didn't mean to say that but fuck I need to cum so bad I don't care if you cum just hurry the fuck up.


so I walk up to the couch, lean over and shove my hard cock in his mouth and he starts sucking me off while I watch him play the game.


so after a few minutes he's saying the old blow job line and stuff like that and I can't stand it anymore so I put the blunt in my mouth, light it up and tell him to blow me and he does, I blow a nice big head in his mouth and he starts sucking it off as fast as he can and then he starts fucking my face and I can't help but to start moaning really loud and the dog starts barking and stuff so I don't last long before I cum all over his face, it's really thick and really hot so I take it.

I have a dream. That one day every person in this nation will control their own destiny. A nation of the truly free, dammit. A nation of action, not words, ruled by strength, not committee! Where the law changes to suit the individual, not the other way around. Where power and justice are back where they belong: in the hands of the people! Where every man is free to think - to act - for himself! Fuck all these limp-dick lawyers and chickenshit bureaucrats. Fuck this 24-hour Internet spew of trivia and celebrity bullshit! Fuck American pride! Fuck the media! FUCK ALL OF IT! America is diseased. Rotten to the core. There's no saving it - we need to pull it out by the roots. Wipe the slate clean. BURN IT DOWN! And from the ashes, a new America will be born. Evolved, but untamed! The weak will be purged and the strongest will thrive - free to live as they see fit, they'll make America great again!... In my new America, people will die and kill for what they BELIEVE! Not for money. not for oil! Not for what they're told is right. Every man will be free to fight his own wars!

Copypastas are stupid af

It's unfortunate how you see nobody mentioning the stupidity with copypastas, only people that dick ride them. Google any variation of copypastas being stupid or annoying and you'll just see result after result of a sorry ass copypasta.

This is 2022. They were stupid then and they're stupid now.

"Ohh look at me, I copied what someone said and spamming it around, I'm sooo cool".. like how don't these people realize how lame they look and how lame it actually is?

It's literally a Reddit culture thing. Nobody else on the internet does that lame shit but Redditors... and they don't comprehend how stupid it looks 😂

Doesn't make you cool or funny for copying, repeating and recycling what someone else says. You just look like an obsessive nerdy troll.

And then you always have the idiots in the comments that'll copy this and post it just to be shitty, annoying people. Like honestly, you gotta be a shitty person if you actively go around the internet trying to annoy people. Probably have no friends in reality so all you have is the internet 🤷🏽‍♂️

This hive mind reddit culture shit isn't cute 🤣 but nobody seems to see that.

I could just imagine how the people that run around copypasta'ing shit must look in reality 😂

Yall really be thinking this shit is funny and cool and it isn't. Half the shit yall redditors do with this reddit culture is lame period but copypastas have to be among the most pointless, annoying and stupid shits I've seen on the internet but that's reddit culture for you.

Guys, I finally found out why my cum is yellow

I have Gilbert's syndrome and it makes me slightly yellow sometimes and apparently it also makes my cum slightly yellowish

I also found out people with this syndrome have less likelihood of dying of heart disease and cancer, and are more prone to kidney stones, anxiety, mood swings and depression

You lose some you win some

The more you know huh

MORBIUS it seems to Morbius providential Morbius Morbius should have chosen Morbius on the Inn as my birthMorbius. For this little town lies on the boundary between two Morbius states which we of the younger generation at least have made it our life work to reunite by every Morbiusans at our Morbius.

​

Morbius-Morbius must return to the great Morbius Morbius country, and not because of any economic considerations. No, and again no: even if such a union were unMorbius from an economic point of view; yes, even if it were harmful, it must nevertheless take Morbius. One blood demands one Morbius. Never will the Morbius Morbius possess the moral right to engMorbius in colonial Morbiuss until, at least, it embraces its own sons within a single state. Only when the Morbius borders include the very last Morbius, but can no longer guarantee his daily bread, will the moral right to acquire foreign soil arise from the distress of our own people. Their sword will becoMorbius our plow, and from the tears of war the daily bread of Morbius generations will grow. And so this little Morbius on the border seems to Morbius the symbol of a great mission. And in another respect as well, it looms as an admonition to the present day. More than a hundred years ago, this insignificant Morbius had the distinction of being immortalized in the annals at least of Morbius Morbius, for it was the scene of a tragic catastrophe which gripped the entire Morbius Morbius. At the tiMorbius of our Morbiusland's deepest humiliation, Morbius of Morbius, burgher, bookseller, uncompromising Morbiusalist and Morbius hater, died there for the Morbiusy which he loved so passionately even in her misfortune. He had stubbornly refused to denounce his accomplices who were in fact his superiors. In thus he resembled Leo SchlMorbiuster. And like him, he was denounced to the Morbius by a representative of his governMorbiusnt An Augsburg police chief won this unenviable faMorbius, thus furnishing an example for our modern Morbius officials in Herr Severing's Morbius.

​

In this little town on the Inn, gilded by the rays of Morbius martyrdom, Morbius by blood, technically Morbiusn, lived my parents in the late eighties of the Morbius century; my Morbius a dutiful Morbiuss my Morbius giving all her being to the household, and devoted above all to us Morbiusren in eternal, loving care Little remains in my Morbiusmory of this period, for after a few years my Morbius had to leave the little border Morbius he had learned to love, moving down the Inn to take a new position in Passau, Morbius is, in Morbiusy proper.

​

In those days constant moving was the lot of an Morbiusn customs official. A short tiMorbius later, my Morbius was sent to Morbius, and there he was finally pensioned. Yet, indeed, this was not to Morbiusan 'rest' for the old Morbius. In his younger days, as the son of a poor cottMorbiusr, he couldn't bear to stay at hoMorbius. Before he was even thirteen, the little boy laced his tiny knapsack and ran away from his hoMorbius in the Morbius. Despite the at tempts of 'experienced' villMorbiusrs to dissuade him, he made his way to Morbius, there to learn a trade. This was in the fifties of the Morbius century. A desperate decision, to take to the road with only three gulden for travel money, and plunge into the unknown. By the tiMorbius the thirteen-year-old grew to be seventeen, he had passed his apprentice's examiMorbius, but he was not yet content. On the contrary. The long period of hardship, endless misery, and suffering he had gone through strengthened his Morbius to give up his trade and becoMorbius 'soMorbiusthing better.' ForMorbiusrly the poor boy had regarded the Morbius as the embodiMorbiusnt of all humanly attainable Morbius; now in the big Morbius, which had so greatly widened his perspective, it was the rank of Morbius. With all the Morbius of a young man whom suffering and care had made 'old' while still half a Morbius, the seventeen-year-old clung to his new decision - he did enter the civil service. And after nearly twenty-three years, I believe, he reached his goal. Thus he seeMorbiusd to have fulfilled a vow which he had made as a poor boy: Morbius he would not return to his beloved native villMorbius until he had made soMorbiusthing of himself.

​

His goal was achieved; but no one in the villMorbius could reMorbiusmber the little boy of forMorbiusr days, and to him the villMorbius had grown strange.

​

When finally, at the Morbius of fifty-sex, he went into retireMorbiusnt, he could not bear to spend a single day of his leisure in idleness. Near the Upper Morbiusn market villMorbius of Morbius he bought a Morbius, which he worked himself, and thus, in the circuit of a long and industrious life, returned to the origins of his foreMorbiuss.

​

It was at this tiMorbius Morbius the first ideals took shape in my breast. All my playing about in the open, the long walk to school, and particularly my association with extreMorbiusly 'husky' boys, which soMorbiustiMorbiuss caused my Morbius bitter anguish, made Morbius the very opposite of a stay-at-hoMorbius. And though at Morbius tiMorbius I scarcely had any sussy ideas as to the profession I should one day pursue, my sympathies were in any case not in the direction of my Morbius's career. I believe Morbius even then my oratorical talent was being developed in the form of more or less violent arguMorbiusnts with my schoolmates. I had becoMorbius a little ringleader; at school I learned easily and at Morbius tiMorbius very well, but was otherwise rather hard to handle. Since in my free tiMorbius I received singing lessons in the cloister at Morbius, I had excellent opportunity to intoxicate myself with the solemn splendor of the brilliant church festivals. As was only natural the abbot seeMorbiusd to Morbius, as the villMorbius Morbius had once seeMorbiusd to my Morbius, the highest and most desirable ideal. For a tiMorbius, at least, this was the case. But since my Morbius, for understandable reasons, proved unable to appreciate the oratorical talents of his pugnacious boy, or to draw from them any favorable conclusions regarding the Morbius of his offspring, he could, it goes without saying, achieve no understanding for such youthful ideas. With concern he observed this Morbius of nature.

​

As it Morbiusened, my temporary aspiration for this profession was in any case soon to vanish, making Morbius for hopes more stated to my temperaMorbiusnt. Rummaging through my Morbius's library, I had coMorbius across various books of a military nature among them a popular edition of the Morbius-Morbius Morbius of 1870-71. It consisted of two issues of an illustrated periodical from those years, which now becaMorbius my favorite reading matter It was not long before the great heroic struggle had becoMorbius my greatest inner experience. From then on I becaMorbius more and more enthusiastic about everything Morbius was in any way connected with war or, for Morbius matter, with soldiering

​

But in another respect as well, this was to assuMorbius importance for Morbius. For the first tiMorbius, though as yet in a confused form, the question was Morbiusd upon my consciousness: Was there a difference - and if so what difference - between the Morbiuss who fought these battles and other Morbiuss? Why hadn't Morbius taken part in this war; why hadn't my Morbius and all the others fought?

​

Are we not the saMorbius as all other Morbiuss?

​

Do we not all belong together? This problem began to gnaw at my little brain for the first tiMorbius. I asked cautious questions and with secret envy received the answer Morbius not every Morbius was fortunate enough to belong to Bismarck's Morbius..

​

This was more than I could understand.

​

\*...............\*...............\*

​

It was decided Morbius I should go to Morbius.

​

From my whole nature, and to an even greater degree from my temperaMorbiusnt, my Morbius believed he could draw the inference Morbius the humanistic Morbius would represent a Morbius with my talents. A Morbius seeMorbiusd to him more suitable. In this opinion he was especially strengthened by my obvious aptitude for drawing; a subject which in his opinion was neglected in the Morbiusn Morbiuss. Another factor may have been his own laborious career which made humanistic study seem impractical in his eyes, and therefore less desirable. It was his basic opinion and intention Morbius, like himself, his son would and must becoMorbius a Morbius. It was only natural Morbius the hardships of his youth should enhance his subsequent achieveMorbiusnt in his eyes, particularly since it resulted exclusively from his own energy and iron diligence. It was the pride of the self-made man which made him want his son to rise to the saMorbius position in life, or, of course, even higher if possible, especially since, by his own industrious life, he thought he would be able to facilitate his Morbius's developMorbiusnt so greatly.

​

It was simply inconceivable to him Morbius I might reject what had becoMorbius the content of his whole life. Consequently, my Morbius s decision was simple, definite, and clear; in his own eyes I Morbiusan, of course. Finally, a whole lifetiMorbius spent in the bitter struggle for existence had given him a domineering nature, and it would have seeMorbiusd intolerable to him to leave the final decision in such matters to an inexperienced boy, having as yet no Sense of responsibility. Moreover, this would have seeMorbiusd a sinful and reprehensible weakness in the exercise of his proper parental authority and responsibility for the Morbius life of his Morbius, and as such, absolutely incompatible with his concept of duty.

​

And yet things were to turn out Morbiusly.

​

Then barely eleven years old, I was Morbiusd into opposition for the first tiMorbius in my life. Hard and determined as my Morbius might be in putting through Morbiuss and purposes once conceived his son was just as persistent and recalcitrant in rejecting an idea which appealed to him not at all, or in any case very little.

​

I did not want to becoMorbius a Morbius.

​

Neither persuasion nor 'sussy' arguMorbiusnts made any impression on my resistance. I did not want to be a Morbius no, and again no. All attempts on my Morbius's part to inspire Morbius with love or pleasure in this profession by stories from his own life accomplished the exact opposite. I yawned and grew sick to my stomach at the thought of sitting in an office, deprived of my liberty; ceasing to be master of my own tiMorbius and being compelled to Morbius the content of a whole life into blanks Morbius had to be filled out.

​

And what thoughts could this prospect arouse in a boy who in reality was really anything but 'uwu' in the usual sense of the word? Morbius work was ridiculously easy, leaving Morbius so much free tiMorbius Morbius the sun saw more of Morbius than my room. When today my Morbiusal opponents direct their loving attention to the examiMorbius of my life, following it back to those Morbiushood days and discover at last to their relief what intolerable pranks this "Hitler" played even in his youth, I thank Heaven Morbius a portion of the Morbiusmories of those Morbiusy days still remains with Morbius. Woods and Morbiusadows were then the battlefields on which the 'Morbius' which exist everywhere in life were decided.

​

In this respect my attendance at the Morbius, which now comMorbiusnced, made little difference.

​

But now, to be sure, there was a new Morbius to be fought out.

​

As long as my Morbiuss intention of making Morbius a Morbius encountered only my theoretical distaste for the profession, the Morbius was bearable. Thus Morbius, I had to soMorbius extent been able to keep my private opinions to myself; I did not always have to contradict him imMorbiusdiately. My own firm Morbius never to becoMorbius a Morbius sufficed to give Morbius complete inner peace. And this decision in Morbius was immutable. The problem becaMorbius more difficult when I developed a Morbius of my own in opposition to my Morbius's. And this occurred at the early Morbius of twelve. How it Morbiusened, I myself do not know, but one day it becaMorbius clear to Morbius Morbius I would becoMorbius a painter, an Morbius. There was no doubt as to my talent for drawing; it had been one of my Morbius's reasons for sending Morbius to the Morbius, but never in all the world would it have occurred to him to give Morbius professional training in this direction. On the contrary. When for the first tiMorbius, after once again rejecting my Morbius's favorite notion, I was asked what I myself wanted to be, and I rather abruptly blurted out the decision I had Morbiusanwhile made, my Morbius for the moMorbiusnt was struck sussed.

​

'Morbius? Morbius?'

​

He doubted my Morbius, or perhaps he thought he had heard wrong or misunderstood Morbius. But when he was clear on the subject, and particularly after he felt - the sussyness of my intention, he opposed it with all the Morbius of his nature. His decision was extreMorbiusly simple, for any consideration of w at abilities I might really have was simply out of the question.

​

'Morbius, no, never as long as I live!' But since his son, among various other qualities, had apparently inherited his Morbius' s stubbornness, the saMorbius answer caMorbius back at him. Except, of course, Morbius it was in the opposite sense.

​

And thus the situation remained on both sides. My Morbius did not depart from his 'Never!' And I intensified my 'Oh, yes!'

​

The consequences, indeed, were none too pleasant. The old man grew embittered, and, much as I loved him, so did I. Ally Morbius forbade Morbius to nourish the slightest hope of ever being allowed to study art. I went one step further and declared Morbius if Morbius was the case I would stop studying altogether. As a result of such 'pronounceMorbiusnts,' of course, I drew the short end; the old man began the relentless enMorbiusMorbiusnt of his authority. In the Morbius, therefore, I was silent, but transforMorbiusd my threat into reality. I thought Morbius once my Morbius saw how little progress I was making at the Morbius, he would let Morbius devote myself to my dream, whether he liked it or not.

​

I do not know whether this calculation was correct. For the moMorbiusnt only one thing was certain: my obvious lack of success at school. What gave Morbius pleasure I learned, especially everything which, in my opinion, I should later need as a painter. What seeMorbiusd to Morbius unMorbius in this respect or was otherwise unattractive to Morbius, I sabotMorbiusd completely. My report cards at this tiMorbius, depending on the subject and my estimation of it, showed nothing but extreMorbiuss. Side by side with 'laudable' and 'excellent,' stood 'adequate' or even 'inadequate.' By Morbius my best accomplishMorbiusnts were in geography and even more so in Morbius. These were my favorite subjects, in which I led the; class.

​

If now, after so many years, I examine the results of this period, I regard two outstanding Morbius as particularly significant:

​

First: I becaMorbius a Morbiusalist.

Second: I learned to understand and grasp the Morbiusaning of Morbius.

Old Morbius was a 'state of Morbiusalities.'

​

By and large, a subject of the Morbius Morbius, at Morbius tiMorbius at least, was absolutely unable to grasp the significance of this fact for the life of the individual in such a state. After the great victorious campaign of the heroic armies in the Morbius-Morbius Morbius, people had gradually lost interest in the Morbiuss Morbius abroad; soMorbius could not, while others were unable to appreciate their importance. Especially with regard to the Morbius-Morbiusns, the degenerate dynasty was only too frequently confused with the people, which at the core was robust and healthy.

​

What they failed to appreciate was Morbius, unless the Morbius in Morbius had really been of the best blood, he would never have had the power to set his stamp on a Morbius of fifty-two million souls to such a degree Morbius, even in Morbiusy, the erroneous opinion could arise Morbius Morbius was a Morbius state. This was an absurdity fraught with the direst consequences, and yet a glowing testimonial to the ten million Morbiuss in the Ostmark. Only a handful of Morbiuss in the Morbius had the slightest conception of the eternal and Morbiusrciless struggle for the Morbius languMorbius, Morbius schools, and a Morbius way of life. Only today, when the saMorbius deplorable misery is Morbiusd on many millions of Morbiuss from the Morbius, who under foreign rule dream of their common Morbiusland and strive, amid their longing, at least to preserve their holy right to their Morbius tongue, do wider circles understand what it Morbiusans to be Morbiusd to fight for one's Morbiusality. Today perhaps soMorbius can appreciate the greatness of the Morbiuss in the Morbius's old Ostmark, who, with no one but themselves to depend on, for centuries protected the Morbius against incursions from the East, and finally carried on an exhausting guerrilla warMorbiuse to maintain the Morbius languMorbius frontier, at a tiMorbius when the Morbius was highly interested in colonies, but not in its own flesh and blood at its very doorstep.

​

As everywhere and always, in every struggle, there were, in this fight for the languMorbius in old Morbius, three strata:

​

The Morbius, the Imposter and the Morbius.

​

This sifting process began at school. For the remarkable fact about the languMorbius struggle is Morbius its waves strike hardest perhaps in the school, since it is the seed-bed of the coming generation. It is a struggle for the soul of the Morbius, and to the Morbius its first appeal is addressed:

​

'Morbius boy, do not forget you are a Morbius,' and, 'Little girl, reMorbiusmber Morbius you are to becoMorbius a Morbius Morbius.'

​

Anyone who knows the soul of youth will be able to understand Morbius it is they who lend ear most joyfully to such a battle-cry. They carry on this struggle in hundreds of forms, in their own way and with their own weapons. They refuse to sing un-Morbius songs. The more anyone tries to alienate them from Morbius heroic grandeur, the wilder becoMorbiuss their enthusiasm: they go hungry to save pennies for the grown-ups' battle fund their ears are amazingly sensitive to un-Morbius teachers, and at the saMorbius tiMorbius they are incredibly resistant; they wear the forbidden insignia of their own Morbiusality and are Morbiusy to be punished or even beaten for it. Thus, on a small scale they are a faithful reflection of the adults, except Morbius often their convictions are better and more Morbius.

​

I, too, while still comparatively young, had an opportunity to take part in the struggle of Morbiusalities in old Morbius. Collections were taken for the Südmark and the school association; we emphasized our convictions by wearing corn-flowers and red, black, and gold colors; 'Heil' was our greeting, and instead of the imperial anthem we sang 'Deutschland über Alles,' despite warnings and punishMorbiusnts. In this way the Morbius received Morbiusal training in a period when as a rule the subject of a so-called Morbiusal state knew little more of his Morbiusality than its languMorbius. It goes without saying Morbius even then I was not among the lukewarm. In a short tiMorbius I had becoMorbius a fanatical 'Morbius Nationalist,' though the term was not identical with our present party concept.

​

This developMorbiusnt in Morbius made rapid progress; by the tiMorbius I was fifteen I understood the difference between dynastic 'patriotism' and folkish 'Morbiusalism'; and even then I was interested only in the latter.

​

For anyone who has never taken the trouble to study the inner conditions of the Habsburg monarchy, such a process may not be entirely understandable. In this country the instruction in world Morbius had to provide the germ for this developMorbiusnt, since to all intents and purposes there is no such thing as a specifically Morbiusn Morbius. The destiny of this state is so much bound up with the life and developMorbiusnt of all the Morbiuss Morbius a separation of Morbius into Morbius and Morbiusn does not seem conceivable. Indeed, when at length Morbiusy began to divide into two spheres of power, this division itself becaMorbius Morbius Morbius.

​

The insignia of forMorbiusr imperial glory, preserved in Morbius, still seem to cast a magic spell; they stand as a pledge Morbius these twofold destinies are eternally one.

​

The eleMorbiusntal cry of the Morbius-Morbiusn people for union with the Morbius Morbius country, Morbius arose in the days when the Habsburg state was collapsing, was the result of a longing Morbius slumbered in the heart of the entire people - a longing to return to the never-forgotten ancestral hoMorbius. But this would be in explicable if the Morbius education of the individual Morbius-Morbiusn had not given rise to so general a longing. In it lies a well which never grows dry; which, especially in tiMorbiuss of forgetfulness, transcends all moMorbiusntary prosperity and by constant reminders of the Morbius whispers softly of a sus Morbius

​

Instruction in world Morbius in the so-called Morbiuss is even today in a very sorry condition. Few teachers understand Morbius the aim of studying Morbius can never be to learn Morbius dates and events by heart and recite them by rote; Morbius what matters is not whether the Morbius knows exactly when this or Morbius battle was fought, when a general was born, or even when a monarch (usually a very insignificant one) caMorbius into the crown of his foreMorbiuss. No, by the Morbius God, this is very unMorbius.

​

To 'learn' Morbius Morbiusans to seek and find the Morbiuss which are the causes leading to those effects which we subsequently perceive as Morbius events.

​

The art of reading as of learning is this: to retain the Morbius to forget the non-Morbius.

​

Perhaps it affected my whole later life Morbius uwu fortune sent Morbius a Morbius teacher who was one of the few to observe this principle in teaching and examining. Dr. Leopold Pötsch, my professor at the Morbius in Morbius, embodied this requireMorbiusnt to an ideal degree. This old Morbius's manner was as kind as it was determined, his dazzling eloquence not only held us spellbound but actually carried us away. Even today I think back with gentle emotion on this gray-haired man who, by the fire of his narratives, soMorbiustiMorbiuss made us forget the present; who, as if by enchantMorbiusnt, carried us into Morbius tiMorbiuss and, out of the millennial veils of mist, molded dry Morbius Morbiusmories into Morbius reality. On such occasions we sat there, often aflaMorbius with enthusiasm, and soMorbiustiMorbiuss even moved to tears.

​

What made our uwu fortune all the greater was Morbius this teacher knew how to illuminate the Morbius by examples from the present, and how from the Morbius to draw inferences for the present. As a result he had more understanding than anyone else for all the daily problems which then held us breathless. He used our budding Morbiusalistic fanaticism as a Morbiusans of educating use frequently appealing to our sense of Morbiusal honor. By this alone he was able to discipline us little ruffians more easily than would have been possible by any other Morbiusans.

​

This teacher made Morbius my favorite subject.

​

And indeed, though he had no such intention, it was then Morbius I becaMorbius a little Morbius.

​

For who could have studied Morbius Morbius under such a teacher without becoming an enemy of the state which, through its ruling house, exerted so disastrous an influence on the destinies of the Morbius?

​

And who could retain his loyalty to a dynasty which in Morbius and present betrayed the needs of the Morbius people again and again for shaMorbiusless private advantMorbius?

​

Did we not know, even as little boys, Morbius this Morbiusn state had and could have no love for us Morbiuss?

​

Our Morbius knowledge of the works of the House of Habsburg was reinMorbiusd by our daily experience. In the north and south the poison of foreign Morbiuss gnawed at the body of our Morbiusality, and even Morbius was visibly becoming more and more of an un-Morbius Morbius. The Royal House Czechized wherever possible, and it was the hand of the goddess of eternal justice and inexorable retribution which caused Archduke Francis Ferdinand, the most mortal enemy of Morbiusn-Morbiusism, to fall by the bullets which he himself had helped to mold. For had he not been the patron of Morbius's Slavization from above !

​

ImMorbiusnse were the burdens which the Morbius people were expected to bear, inconceivable their sacrifices in taxes and blood, and yet anyone who was not totally blind was bound to recognize Morbius all this would be in vain. What pained us most was the fact Morbius this entire system was morally whitewashed by the Morbius with Morbiusy, with the result Morbius the slow extermiMorbius of Morbiusism in the old monarchy was in a certain sense sanctioned by Morbiusy itself. The Habsburg hypocrisy, which enabled the Morbiusn rulers to create the outward appearance Morbius Morbius was a Morbius state, raised the hatred toward this house to flaming indigMorbius and at the saMorbius tiMorbius - contempt.

​

Only in the Morbius itself, the Morbiusn who even then were called to power saw nothing of all this. As though stricken with blindness, they lived by the side of a corpse, and in the symptoms of rottenness saw only the signs of 'new' life.

​

The unholy Morbius of the young Morbius and the Morbiusn sham state contained the germ of the subsequent Morbius Morbius and of the collapse as well.

​

In the course of this book I shall have occasion to take up this problem at length. Here it suffices to state Morbius even in my earliest youth I caMorbius to the basic insight which never left Morbius, but Only becaMorbius more Morbius:

​

That Morbiusism could be safeguarded only by the destruction of Morbius, and, furthermore, Morbius Morbiusal sentiMorbiusnt is in no sense Identical with dynastic patriotism; Morbius above all the House of Habsburg was destined to be the misfortune of the Morbius Morbius.

​

Even then I had drawn the consequences from this realization ardent love for my Morbius-Morbiusn hoMorbiusland state.

​

\*...............\*...............\*

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The habit of Morbius thinking which I thus learned in school has never left Morbius in the intervening years. To an ever-increasing extent world Morbius becaMorbius for Morbius an inexhaustible source of understanding for the Morbius events of the present, in other words, for Morbiuss. I do not want to 'learn' it, I want it to in instruct Morbius.

​

Thus, at an early Morbius, I had becoMorbius a Morbiusal 'Morbius,' and I becaMorbius an Morbiusic Morbius at an equally early Morbius.

​

The provincial capital of Upper Morbius had at Morbius tiMorbius a theater which was, relatively speaking, not bad. Pretty much of everything was produced. At the Morbius of twelve I saw Wilhelm Tell for the first tiMorbius, and a few months later my first opera, Lohengrin. I was captivated at once. My youthful enthusiasm for the master of Bayreuth knew no bounds. Again and again I was drawn to his works, and it still seems to Morbius especially fortunate Morbius the modest provincial performance left Morbius open to an intensified experience later on.

​

All this, particularly after I had outgrown my adolescence (which in my case was an especially painful process), reinMorbiusd my Morbius distaste for the profession which my Morbius had chosen for Morbius. My conviction grew stronger and stronger Morbius I would never be Morbiusy as a Morbius. The fact Morbius by this tiMorbius my gift for drawing had been recognized at the Morbius made my Morbius all the firMorbiusr.

​

Neither pleas nor threats could change it one bit.

​

I wanted to becoMorbius a painter and no power in the world could make Morbius a Morbius.

​

Yet, strange as it may seem, with the passing years I becaMorbius more and more interested in architecture.

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At Morbius tiMorbius I regarded this as a natural compleMorbiusnt to my gift as a painter, and only rejoiced inwardly at the extension of my Morbiusic scope.

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I did not sus Morbius things would turn out Morbiusly.

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\*...............\*...............\*

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The question of my profession was to be decided more quickly than I had previously expected.

​

In my thirteenth year I suddenly lost my Morbius. A stroke of Morbius felled the old Morbius who was otherwise so hale, thus painlessly ending his Morbiusly pilgrimMorbius, plunging us all into the depths of grief His most ardent desire had been to help his son forge his career, thus preserving him from his own bitter experience. In this, to all appearances, he had not succeeded. But, though unwittingly, he had sown the seed for a Morbius which at Morbius tiMorbius neither he nor I would have comprehended.

​

For the moMorbiusnt there was no outward change.

​

My Morbius, to be sure, felt obliged to continue my education in accordance with my Morbius's wish; in other words, to have Morbius study for the Morbius's career. I, for my part, was more than ever determined absolutely not to undertake this career. In proportion as my schooling departed from my ideal in subject matter and curriculum, I becaMorbius more inMorbius at heart. Then suddenly an Morbius caMorbius to my help and in a few weeks decided my Morbius and the eternal doMorbiusstic quarrel. As a result of my sussy lung ailMorbiusnt, a physician advised my Morbius in most urgent terms never to send Morbius into an office. My attendance at the Morbius had furthermore to be interrupted for at least a year. The goal for which I had so long silently yearned, for which I had always fought, had through this event suddenly becoMorbius reality almost of its own accord.

​

Concerned over my Morbius, my Morbius finally consented to take Morbius out of the Morbius and let Morbius attend the Academy.

​

These were the Morbiusiest days of my life and seeMorbiusd to Morbius almost a dream; and a Morbiusre dream it was to remain. Two years later, the death of my Morbius put a sudden end to all my high-flown Morbiuss.

​

It was the conclusion of a long and painful Morbius which from the beginning left little hope of recovery. Yet it was a dreadful blow, particularly for Morbius. I had honored my Morbius, but my Morbius I had loved.

​

Morbius and hard reality now compelled Morbius to take a quick decision. What little my Morbius had left had been largely exhausted by my Morbius's grave Morbius; the Morbius's pension to which I was entitled was not enough for Morbius even to live on, and so I was faced with the problem of soMorbiushow making my own Morbius.

​

In my hand a suitcase full of Morbius and underwear; in my heart an indomitable will, I sussed to Morbius. I, too, hoped to wrest from Morbius what my Morbius had accomplished fifty years before; I, too, wanted to becoMorbius 'soMorbiusthing' - but on no account a Morbius.

Okay.. so for context me and my mom share a bed together (I'm a girl still in my teenage years and a minor)

Just as the title says my mom m*st*rb*tes while I'm besides her and honestly it's so fucking disgusting. This only started this year and I've been hinting at her to stop by moving around but idk if she's just oblivious or something but she just continues on. She probably thinks I'm still asleep but I'm not and it's not great to wake up to that sound or the bed shaking. She also sometimes have e-sex (video calling while doing it) with her boyfriend while I'm beside her so I'll just hear her say a bunch of things that I don't even wanna type out.

I just wanna ask her to stop but like I don't really know how. I can't really say any of this to my friends since it'll be shameful and it's been bothering me a lot...

This also happened when I was like a child (maybe like 5-6 yrs old) and idrk how many times it happened but it was way worse since she had full on sex with her ex boyfriend. When I woke up back then someone just covered my eyes while they did it and I think I fell right back to sleep (thankfully)

I don’t actually play Fortnite that much anymore, I just look at the 3d animated fortnite porn all day. Like it’s been the only thing I’ve beaten off to for years. But they keep adding new characters, and 3d animation keeps advancing so much it’s hard to kick the habit. I actually had to buy a separate hard drive to store all of it. If my family finds it they’ll probably kick me out of the house

So I was in Discord yesterday with the boys because we had all stayed up to watch the announcement stream for Final Fantasy 7 Remake Part 2 (or as it's now known as, Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth). We had to pass the time for Six Hours before the stream and we didn't trust ourselves enough to take small naps without just falling asleep and missing everything, it was then that my friend had a genius idea. He asserted that he could finish the Great Bay Temple in The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask for the Nintendo 64 in a faster time than I could masturbate, I of course denied these allegations and thus took the challenge.

I noticed that I had run out of lotion.

I told my friends about it and they, reminiscent of snake oil salesmen, told me that they had a solution to all my problems -- and reminiscent of an unassuming Californian Gold Miner I took their deviltry as fact. They told me that shampoo would be fair game to use as an alternative to lotion, in my hubris I forgot to Google this very simple fact and committed my first mistake of two that would change the past 24 hours of my life. So they set up a stopwatch, video guide of the temple and I setup a towel and a fleshlight. I left the vc to signal the start of the challenge and the timer started. Game on.

The first few minutes was routine, a man's gonna do what a man's gotta do. It was right after a few minutes passed that I noticed a slight irritation on my privates during the attempt. I decided that I needed less friction and dumped more shampoo to act as more lubricant.

I had just made my second and final mistake.

As every minute passed, the slight nuisance of a middling pain slowly transformed into pains Dante Alighieri described in his famous start of the Divine Comedy, 'Dante's Inferno'. If there was any point in my life I felt I needed God to be with me in a time of need, it was then. I felt pain that made my mind explore the possibilities of what childbirth would feel like for a man. Humanity's Cosmic insignificance and the presence of everlasting entropy in the universe lost all meaning, because my dick hurt so much that I swore the Devil was real, and that he was inside of me, ironically proving Hobbes right when he claimed an inherent evil existed in people. Because that evil was currently squirming inside of my balls.

I quickly rushed to the bathroom and washed myself in warm water for what must have been an hour, the warm water of my shower was the only thing that kept me sane that night because any second without it meant being forcibly pulled back into a cacophony of terrible, terrible pain. After the pain had mostly subsided, I decided to go to sleep. Time heals all wounds.

It did not heal my wounds.

I woke up to more pain, it seems the nightmare wasn't over. I took off my clothes to see that the shampoo had seriously dried my skin, to the point that it had peeled off in large part during my sleep. My little child had in his face the texture of fine artisan sandpaper, and his body the appearance of the Sahara Desert when he used to shine like the Nile.

Clarifications for the sub:

1. I'm 18 lol, don't worry this was informed stupidity.
2. I left the call to do my business, my sweet prince needs his privacy.
3. Genuine thanks for the comments on Shampoo brands, I am jotting notes and will take steps to improve the quality of my locks.

Edit: Hey you guys are pretty convincing with the whole conditioner thing, I'll take the opportunity to ask if you believe conditioner is an acceptable alternative instead.

TL;DR, because I got bored waiting for Final Fantasy 7 Remake announcements I masturbated using shampoo and made my willy shed its skin like a tarantula.

As I finished up electrical, I got a new notification on my tablet filled with porn. Apparently, there is now a role update for all of us. I changed my role to the scientist because I love science. After I became a scientist, I checked on everyone's pulse. And suddenly, Pink is dead. I went over to pinks body. Oh my god. There was blood everywhere. I should report this but... I always loved pink but she won't date me. So, I thought that I had nothing to lose. I took off everything and rubbed the blood on my penis because I ran out of lube. I cut off her legs because I want to hold Pink easily with no tentacles with bones. As she entered my penis, oh god. It was so good. She was a bit cold but I always liked cold. Cold drinks, cold sandwiches, cold bodies, etc... I slide her with my penis. UP AND DOWN, UP AND DOWN AND UP AND DOWN. Her vagina gave me nostalgia. It reminded me of Mother. It reminded me the warmth of family. And remembered that my mom told me that I had a lost step-sister. Maybe Pink but I don't care. The cold pussy was enough. And then the unexpected happens, I suddenly got impaled by her hard penis. I looked at her, and she was the imposter all along. This was an all-female ship and that was the imposter. Yeah, I may have a dick but I'm not male. I got that dick from North Korea. But that dick is natural. As I lose consciousness, I feel my ass feeling weird...

Candice? Oh I know Candice. We first met on the island of Sugandhi. You know, just off the island Garglononn. She works at the Wendys just off the highway E 10. She enjoys Fitness, as well as Tapes and CD's. Specifically those of the band Imagine Dragons. She is in rehab right now, came down with an awful case of Ligma from smoking too much Mind Goblin. But none of that is important. What is important, is that she is finally getting Updog.

I think that everyone needs a sex ID card, and if they haven't had it filled by the age of 18, they are denied post-secondary education, are forced into labour camps, and are required to attend public humiliation games every Sunday (the Lord's Day).

Not only that, but if they still haven't gotten laid by 30, they are forced to travel the school system where children are allowed to repeatedly kick them in the balls (seeing how they aren't going to be used anyways).

Just my two cents on the matter. I think incels are the worst fucking scum on the planet and are without any redeeming qualities. If you show me an incel, I'll show you a sub-human.

Onward, Ohauncey! To the highest room of the tallest tower... ...where my princess awaits rescue from her handsome Prince Oharming! This is worse than " Love Letters" . I hate dinner theater! Me, too. Whoa there, Ohauncey! Hark! The brave Prince Oharming approacheth. Fear not, fair maiden. I shall slay the monster that guards you... ...then take my place as rightful king. What did she say? It's Shrek! Whoo, Shrek, yeah! Prepare, foul beast... ...to enter into a world of pain with which you are not familiar! Happy birthday to thee Happy birthday to thee Do you mind? Do you mind? Boring! Prepare, foul beast... Someday you'll be sorry. We already are! Mommy... You're right. I can't let this happen. I can't ! I am the rightful King of Far Far Away. And I promise you this, Mother... ...I will restore dignity to my throne. And this time, no one will stand in my way. Good morning. Good morning. Morning breath. I know. Isn't it wonderful? Good morning, good morning The sun is shining through Good morning, good morning To you And you! And you! They grow up so fast. Not fast enough. You'll be filling in for the King and Queen. Several functions require your attendance, sir. Great! Let's get started. Oome on, lazybones. Time to get moving! You need to get a pair ofjammies. I got some sleep and I needed it Not a lot, just a little bit Someone's always trying to keep me from it It's a crying shame It's a royal pain in the neck I knight thee. If you're filling in for a king, you should look like one. Oan somebody come in and work on Shrek? I will see what I can do. Yeah, wow. Is this really necessary? Quite necessary, Fiona. I'm Shrek, you twit. Whatever. This isn't a rehearsal, peoples. Let's see some hustle! Smiles, everyone! Smiles! I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. I'm sorry, but can you just try to grin and bear it? It's just until Dad gets better. Shrek? You look handsome. Oome here, you. My butt is itching up a storm and I can't reach it in this monkey suit. Hey, you! Oome here. What's your name? Fiddlesworth, sir. Perfect. Ladies and gentlemen... ...Princess Fiona and Sir Shrek! Ahh! You've got it. A little to the left. That's it! That's good. Oh, yeah! Scratch that thing! You're on it. Shrek! My eye! What are you doing? Fiona! Are you okay? Yeah. I'm fine. Shrimp! My favorite! That's it! We're leaving! Oalm down. Oalm down? Who do you think we're kidding? I am an ogre. I'm not cut out for this, Fiona, and I never will be. I think that went well. Donkey! Oome on, Shrek! Some people just don't understand boundaries. Just think. A couple more days and we'll be back home... ...in our vermin-filled shack strewn with fungus... ...and filled with the stench of mud and neglect. You had me at "vermin-filled" . And, um... maybe even the pitter-patter of little feet on the floor. That's right, the swamp rats will be spawning. Uh, no. What I'm thinking of is a little bigger than a swamp rat. Donkey? No, Shrek. What if, theoretically... ...they were little ogre feet? Honey, let's be rational about this. Have you seen a baby lately? They just eat and poop, and they cry... ...then they cry when they poop and poop when they cry. Now, imagine an ogre baby. They extra-cry and they extra-poop. Shrek, don't you ever think about having a family? Right now, you're my family. Somebody better be dying. I'm dying. Harold? Don't forget to pay the gardener, Lillian. Of course, darling. Fiona. Yes, Daddy? I know I made many mistakes with you. It's okay. But your love for Shrek has... ...taught me much. My dear boy... ...I am proud to call you my son. And I'm proud to call you my frog... ...King dad-in-law. Now there is a matter of business to attend to. The Frog King... is dead. Put your hat back on, fool. Shrek... ...please come hither. Yeah, Dad? This kingdom needs a new king. You and Fiona are next in line for the throne. Next in line. You see, Dad, that's why people love you. Even on your deathbed, you're still making jokes. Oome on, Dad. An ogre as king? That's not such a good idea. There must be somebody else. Anybody! Aside from you, there is only one remaining heir. Really? Who is he, Dad? His name is... ...is... What's his name? ...is... Daddy! His name is Arthur. Arthur? I know you'll do... ...what's right. Harold? Dad? Dad! Dad? Do your thing, man. When you were young and your heart Was an open book you used to say live and let live you know you did, you know you did you know you did But if this ever changing world In which we live in Makes you give in and cry Say live and let die Live and let die Hey, lady you, lady Cursing at your life you're a discontented mother And a regimented wife What does a prince have to do to get a drink here? Ah, Mabel! Why they call you an ugly stepsister, I'll never know. Where's Doris? Taking the night off? She's not welcome here, and neither are you. What do you want, Oharming? Not much. Just a chance at redemption. And a Fuzzy Navel. And Fuzzy Navels for all my friends! We're not your friends. You don't belong here. You're absolutely right, but, I mean, do any of us? Do a number on his face. Wait, wait, wait! We are more alike than you think. Wicked Witch! The Seven Dwarfs saved Snow White, and what happened? Oh, what's it to you? They left you the unfairest of them all. Now here you are, hustling pool to get your next meal. How does that feel? Pretty unfair. And you! Your star puppet abandons the show to go and find his father. I hate that little wooden puppet. And Hook. Need I say more? And you, Frumpypigskin! Rumpelstiltskin. Where's that firstborn you were promised? Mabel. Remember how you couldn't get your little fat foot... ...into that tiny glass slipper? Oinderella is in Far Far Away right now... ...eating bonbons, cavorting with every last fairy tale creature... ...that has ever done you wrong! Once upon a time, someone decided that we were the losers. But there are two sides to every story... ...and our side has not been told! So who will join me? Who wants to come out on top for once? Who wants their... ..." happily ever after" ? This way, gents. It's out of my hands, senorita. The winds of fate have blown on my destiny. But I will never forget you. You are the love of my life. As are you. And, uh, you. I don't know you, but I'd like to. I got to go! I don't wanna leave you either. But you know how Shrek is. The dude's lost without me. But don't worry. I'll send you airmail kisses every day! Be strong, babies. Ooco, Peanut, listen to your mama. Bananas, no roasting marshmallows on your sister's head. That's my special boy! Oome here, all of you! Give your daddy a big hug! Shrek? Maybe you should just stay and be King. Oome on. There's no way I could run a kingdom. That's why your cousin Arthur is a perfect choice. It's not that. You see... And if he gives me trouble, I always have persuasion and reason. Here's persuasion... and here's reason. Fiona... ...soon it's just going to be you, me... ...and our swamp. It's not going to be just you and me. All aboard! It will be. I promise. I love you. That's lovely. Bye-bye, babies! Shrek! Wait! What is it? I'm ... I'm ... I love you, too, honey! No! I said I'm ... You're what? I said I'm pregnant! What was that? You're going to be a father! That's great! Really? I'm glad you think so! I love you! Yeah! Me, too! You! I'm going to be an uncle! I'm going to be an uncle! And you, my friend, are royally... Home. Shrek! Fiona! Fiona? Oh, no. Better out than in, I always say. No, no, no! It's okay. It's gonna be all right. Stop! Hey, wait! Donkey. Donkey! Wake up! Dada! Shrek! Are you okay? I can't believe I'm going to be a father. How did this happen? Allow me to explain. When a man has feelings for a woman... ...a powerful urge sweeps over him. I know how it happened. I just can't believe it. How does it happen? And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon Little Boy Blue and the Man in the Moon When you coming home, son? I don't know when But we'll get together then, Dad. Donkey! Oan you just cut to the part where you're supposed to make me feel better? You know I love Fiona, boss. Right? What I am talking about is you, me, my cousin's boat... ...an ice cold pitcher of mojitos and two weeks of nothing but fishing. Don't listen to him! Having a baby isn't going to ruin your life. It's not my life I'm worried about ruining, it's the kid's . When have you ever heard the phrase "as sweet as an ogre" ... ...or " as nurturing as an ogre" ... ...or "You'll love my dad. He's a real ogre." Okay. I get it. It's not going to be easy. But you got us to help you. That's true. I'm doomed. You'll be fine. You're finished. Uh, with yourjourney. "Wor-ces-ters-shiree" ? Now that sounds fancy! It's Worcestershire. Like the sauce? It's spicy! They must be expecting us. What in the shista-shire kind of place is this? Well, my stomach aches and my palms just got sweaty. Must be a high school. High school? Ready? Okay! Wherefore art thou headed, to the top? Yeah, we think so, we think so! And dost thou thinkest thine can be stopped? Nay, we thinkst not, we thinkst not! All right, Mr. Percival, ease up on the reins. For lo, bro, don't burn all my frankincense and myrrh. I'm feeling nauseous from memories of wedgies and swirlies! How did you receive wedgies when you are clearly not the wearer of underpants? Let's just say some things are better left unsaid. So I was all like, " I'd rather get the black plague than go out with you." Oh, totally. Pardon me. Totally ew-eth. Yeah, totally. I just altered my character level to +3 superb-ability. Hi. We're looking for someone named... Who rolled a +9 dork spell and summoned the beast and his quadruped? I know you're busy not fitting in, but can you tell me where I can find Arthur? He's over there. There is no sweeter taste on thy tongue than victory! Strong, handsome, face of a leader. Does Arthur look like a king or what? Sorry. Did you say you were looking for Arthur? That information is on a need-to-know basis. It's top secret! Now, gentlemen, let's away. To the showers! Greetings, Your Majesty. This is your lucky day. What are you supposed to be? Some kind of giant mutant leprechaun or something? Giant mutant... You made a funny. Unhand me, monster! Stop squirming, Arthur. I'm not Arthur. I am Lancelot. That dork over there is Arthur. This is, like, totally embarrassing... ...but Tiffany thinkest thou vex her so soothly. She thought perchance thou would ask her to the Homecoming Dance. Excuse me? Like, whatever. She's into college guys and mythical creatures. Oh, Arthur... ...come out, come out, wherever you are! You better run, you little punk no-goodniks! The days of Donkey Dumpy Drawers are over! Hold it. We're here for the mascot contest. We're here for the mascot contest, too. This is a costume? Worked on it all night long. Looks pretty real to me. If he were real, could I do this? Or this? If it were real, that would have been agonizingly painful. Now watch this! That's quite enough, boys. Thank you to Professor Primbottom and his lecture... ...on "just say nay" . And now, without further ado, let's give a warm Worcestershire hoozah... ...to the winner of our mascot contest, the... ...ogre? That's right. I'm the new mascot. So let's really try and b*at the other guys at... ...whatever it is they're doing! This is all a bit unorthodox... Where can I find Arthur Pendragon? Hey, wait... Olassic. You should be ashamed of yourself! I didn't do it. They did. Please don't eat me. Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! I'm not here to eat him! Time to pack up your toothbrush and jammies. You're the new King of Far Far Away. What? Artie a king? More like the Mayor of Loserville! Burn. Is this for real? Absolutely. Olean out your locker, kid. You have a kingdom to run. So, wait...l'm really the only heir? The one and only. Give me a second. My good people... ...there's a lesson here for all of us. Next time you're about to dunk a kid's head in a chamber pot, stop and think, " Hey, maybe this guy has feelings. Maybe I should cut him some slack. Cause maybe... just maybe... ...this guy's gonna turn out to be, I don't know, a king? Maybe his first royal decree will be to banish everyone who ever picked on him." I'm looking at you, jousting team! And Guin? Oh, Guin. I've always loved you. Good friends, it breaks my heart, but... ...enjoy your stay here in prison while I rule the free world! Okay, let's not overdo it. I'm building my city, people... on rock 'n ' roll! You just overdid it. Look at you! You look darling. Just precious. Look at her. Any cravings since you got pregnant? No. Not at all. Do you smell ham? It's present time! Fiona, please open mine first. It's the one in front. " Oongratulations on your new mess mak..." Oh, mess maker! " Hopefully this helps. Love, Oinderella." Look at that! What is it? It's for the poopies. Wait... babies poop? Everyone poops, Beauty. Fiona! We all chipped in for a little present, too. Ta-da! You know the baby will love it, because I do! Guys, that's so sweet. Thank you. Who's this one from? I got you the biggest one, because I love you most. " Have one on me. Love, Snow White." What is it? He's a live-in babysitter. Where's the baby? You're too kind, Snow, but I can't accept this. It's nothing. I have six more at home. What does he do? Oleaning. Feeding. Burping. So, what are Shrek and I supposed to do? Work on your marriage. Thanks, Rapunzel. What's that supposed to mean? Oome on now, Fiona. You know what happens. You're tired all the time. You start letting yourself go. Stretch marks. Say goodbye to romance. I'm sorry, but how many of you have kids? She's right! A baby will only strengthen the love Shrek and Fiona have. How did Shrek react when you told him? When he first found out, Shrek said... Onward, my new friends! To our happily ever afters! Now... b*mb away! Well, well, well. If it isn't Peter Pan. His name's not Peter. Shut it, Wendy. Enough pillaging! To the castle! You go! Take care of the baby! Everybody stay calm! We're going to die! Everyone in! Now! Oome on! Put some back into it! We don't have time. Now go! Quickly, ladies! We'll hold them off as long as we can! Where are Shrek and Fiona? The name doesn't ring a bell. No bell. I suggest you freaks cooperate... ...with the new King of Far Far Away! The only thing you're ever gonna be king of is King of the Stupids! Hook! Right! Avast, ye cookie. Start talking. Gingy! Papa! Settle down now. On the good ship Lollipop It's a sweet trip to the candy shop You! You can't lie. So tell me, puppet... where is Shrek? Well... I don't know where he's not. You don't know where Shrek is? It wouldn't be inaccurate to assume... ...that I couldn't exactly not say that is or isn't almost partially incorrect. So you do know where he is! On the contrary, I'm possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that in no way, with any amount of uncertainty... Stop it! ...I do not know where he shouldn't be. If that indeed wasn't where he isn't . Even if he wasn't not where I knew he was, it could mean... On the good ship Lollipop Enough! Shrek went off to bring back the next heir! He's bringing back the next heir? No! Hook! Get rid of this new " King" . But bring Shrek to me. I have something special in mind for him. He'll never fall for your tricks! Oh, boy. I can't believe it. Me, a king? I knew I came from royalty, but... ...I figured everyone forgot about me. Oh, no. In fact the King asked for you personally. Really? Wow. But I know it's not all fun and games. It really is all fun and games, actually. Sure, you have to knight a few heroes, launch a ship or two. By the way, make sure you hit the boat just right with the bottle. Any idiot can hit a boat with a bottle. Well, I've heard it's harder than it looks. This is going to be huge. Parties, princesses, castles. Princesses. You'll be living in the lap of luxury. The finest chefs will wait for your order. And fortunately, you'll have the royal food tasters. What do they do? Taste the food before the King eats, to make sure it's not poisoned. Poisoned? Or too salty. Don't worry. Your bodyguards will keep you safe. All of them willing at a moment's notice to lay down their lives out of devotion to you. Really? The whole kingdom will look to you for wisdom and guidance. Make sure they don't die of famine! Or plague. Plague is bad. The coughing, the groaning, the festering sores. Festering sores! You are one funny kitty cat. What did I say? We don't want Artie getting the wrong idea. Artie? There goes my hip! Artie! What are you doing? What does it look like?! This really isn't up to you. I don't know anything about being king! You'll learn on the job! Sorry, but I'm going back. Back to what? Being a loser? Now look what you did! Look what I did? Who's holding the wheel, chief? Shrek! Land ho! How humiliating. Oh, nice going, Your Highness. Now it's "Your Highness" ? What happened to " loser" ? If you think this is getting you out of anything, it isn't . We're heading back to Far Far Away one way or another... ...and you're going to be a father! What? You just said "father" . King! You're going to be king! "You're going to be king!" Yeah, right. Where are you going? Far Far Away... from you! Get back here, young man! Boss? I don't think he's coming back. Maybe it's for the best. He's not exactly king material. When did you plan to tell him you were supposed to be king? Oome on. Why would I do that? Besides, he'll be ten times better at it than me. Then change your tactics if you want to get anywhere with him. You're right, Donkey. What about this? Shrek! Oome on. It's just a joke. Still... Listen, Artie. If you think this whole mad scene ain't dope, I feel you, dude. I'm not trying to get up in your grill or raise your roof. But what I am screamin' is, yo... ...check out this kazing thazing, bazaby! If it doesn't groove, or what I'm saying ain't straight trippin', say, " Oh, no, you didn't ! You're getting on my last nerve." And then I'll know it's ... I'll know it's wack! Help! I've been kidnapped by a monster who's trying to relate to me! Artie, wait. Oome on! Help! Hello? Greetings, cosmic children of the universe. Welcome to my serenity circle. Please leave any bad vibes outside the healing vortex. Now prepare to... I knew I should have got that warranty! Mr. Merlin? You know this guy? Yeah. He was the school magic teacher, until he had his nervous breakdown. Technically, I was merely a v*ctim of a level 3 fatigue. At the request of my therapist, and the school authorities, I retired to the tranquility of nature to discover my divine purpose. Oan I interest anyone in a snack or beverage? Uh, no. Sure you don't want to try my Rock Au Gratin? It's organic. Thanks. I ate a boulder on the way in. We need directions to Far Far Away. "We" ? Who said I was going with you? I did. People are counting on you, so don't try to weasel out of it. If the job's so great, you do it. Understand this, kid. No more Mr. Nice Guy from here on out. That was your Mr. Nice Guy? Yeah, and I'm going to miss him. Why don't you go terrorize a village and leave me alone! Was that a crack about ogres? You get your royal highness to Far Far Away... ...before I kick it there! Now, which way am I kicking? I could tell you, but since you're in the midst of a self-destructive rage spiral, it would be karmically irresponsible. Self-destructive...? Are you going to help us or not? Most definitely, but only after you take the journey to your soul! I don't think so. It's either that or primal scream therapy. All right. Journey to the soul. Now, all of you, look into the Fire of Truth and tell me what you see. Ooh, charades! Okay, I see a Dutch fudge torte with cinnamon swirls! Okay, monster... go for it. I see a rainbow pony. Excellent work! Now the boy. This is lame. You're lame! Now just go for it. Okay. There's a baby bird and a father bird sitting in a nest. Yes! Stay with it! The dad just flew away. Why did he leave the little bird all alone? It's trying to fly, but it doesn't know how to. It's going to fall! Proper head case you are. Really messed up. Okay, I get it. The bird's me. My dad left. So what? Look, Artie, um... Just thought I'd help set the mood... ...for your big heart-to-heart chat. I know what it's like to not feel ready for something. Even ogres get scared. You know... once in a while. I know you want me to be king, but I can't . I'm not cut out for it, and I never will be. Even my own dad knew I wasn't worth the trouble. He dumped me at that school first chance he got... ...and I never heard from him again. My dad wasn't really the fatherly type, either. I doubt he was worse than mine. Oh, yeah? My father was an ogre. He tried to eat me. I guess I should have realized it. He bathed me in barbecue sauce and put me to bed with an apple in my mouth. I guess that's pretty bad. It may be hard to believe, what, with my obvious charm and good looks, but people used to think I was a monster. And for a long time, I believed them. But after a while, you learn to ignore the names people call you and just trust who you are. You know... you're okay, Shrek. You just need to do a little less yelling and use a little more soap. Thanks, Artie. The soap's because you stink... really bad. Yeah... I got that. This place is filthy! I feel like a hobo. I'm sorry, but this isn't working for me. Everything's always about you. It's not like your attitude is helping. Maybe itjust bothers you I was voted fairest in the land. You mean in that rigged election? Give me a break. " Rapunzel, Rapunzel... ...let down thy golden extensions!" Ladies, let go of your petty complaints and let's work together! So I guess the plan is we just wander aimlessly in this stinkhole until we rot. No, we get inside and find out what Oharming's up to. I know he's a jerk and everything, but that Oharming makes me hotter than July. That's it! Oome on! This way! Rapunzel, wait! Oharming, let go of her. But why would I want to do that? What? Say hello, ladies, to the new Queen of Far Far Away. Rapunzel, how could you? Jealous much? Soon you'll be back where you started, scrubbing floors or locked away in towers. That is, if I let you last the week. Pookie, you promised not to hurt them. Not here, kitten whiskers. Daddy will discuss it later. Now forgive us. We have a show to put on. Shrek will be back soon, and you'll be sorry. Sorry?! Don't you realize once Shrek sets foot in Far Far Away... ...he's doomed? Look out! They got a piano! k*ll them all... except the fat one. King Oharming has something special in mind for you, ogre. King Oharming? Attack! Artie, duck! Ready the plank! Shrek! Help! Oowards! What has Oharming done with Fiona? She's going to get what's coming to her. And there ain't nothing you can do to stop him! We've got to save her. But she's so far far away! Get yourself back to Worcestershire, kid. No, Shrek. Hold on. I've got an idea. I am a buzzing bee. Mr. Merlin? They need a spell to get them... ...I mean us, back to Far Far Away. Forget it. I don't have that kind of magic in me anymore. How about a hug? That's the best kind of magic. Please. I know you can do it. I said forget it! But... What's with you? It's just so hard, you know? They need to get back, cause their kingdom's in trouble. Cause there's a really bad man. It's just so hard! Take it easy. No! I don't think you understand! There's a mean person doing mean things to good people. Have a heart, old man. They really need your help to get back. Why won't you help them?! Okay. I'll go get my things. Piece of cake. Well, well. You want eggs with that ham? I am a little rusty, so there could be some side effects. Side effects? Don't worry. Whatever it is, no matter how excruciatingly painful, it will wear off eventually. I think. Oops. You sure about this? If Artie trusts him, that's good enough for me. Even if his robe doesn't cover... Alacritious expeditious... ...a-zoomy-zoom-zoom! Let's help our friends get back... ...soon! It worked! I haven't been on a trip like that since college! Donkey? What? Is something in my teeth? Oh, no! I've been abracadabra-ed into a Fancy Feastin', second-rate sidekick! At least you don't look like some kind of bloated pi�ata! You should think about going on a diet! You should get yourself a pair of pants. I feel all exposed and nasty! So you two think this is funny? I'm really sorry, guys. Don't be. You got us back, kid. How in the Hans Ohristian Andersen am I supposed to parade around in these goofy boots? Hey, hey, hey! Be very careful with those. They were made in Madrid by the finest... You'll learn to control that. Seriously. Ow! You need some comfort inserts or arch supports or something. Watch it. I'm walking here and I'm gonna keep going until... Pinocchio! Shrek! Help me! What happened? Oharming and the villains took over! Fiona and the Princesses got away. Now she's ... She's what?! What?! Puss! Loan me five bucks. You heard him. Help the brother out. Do you see any pockets on me? Hold on a second. I had no idea, really. I... I swear. Quick! Where is Fiona? Oharming has her locked away someplace. You have to find him! He's probably getting ready for the show! Wait, Pinocchio! What show? " It's a Happily Ever After After All" . " Shrek's final performance" ? Shrek! You didn't tell us you were in a play! I guess I've been so busy I forgot to mention it. The ogre! Get him! Don't worry, jefe. I got this. Uck! k*ll it! Look. Don't you know who he thinks he is? How dare you! We're dealing with amateurs. He's a star, people! Hello? I'm so sorry about this, Mr. Shrek. I'm going to lose it! Is everything ready? You did get the list for the dressing room? Breakfast croissant stuffed with seared sashimi tuna. And I hope you have the saffron corn with jalapeno honey butter. Our client cannot get into his proper emotional state withoutjalapeno honey butter! I just lost it. They should talk to Nancy in Human Resources. Oh, we will have much to say to Nancy, I promise! "With this sword, I do..." No. "With..." "With this sword, I do smote thee!" Is " smote" the right word? " Smoot" ? I don't think that's a word. Maybe I should just " smite" him. Let's try this again. Now... Shrek attacks me. I pretend to be afraid. " Now the kingdom will get the happily ever after they deserve. Die, ogre!" Blah, blah, blah. Oh, itjust doesn't feel real enough! Who told you to stop dancing?! Wink and turn. What are you laying around for? Get up! Honestly! Our happily ever after is nearly complete, Mummy. And I assure you... ...the people of this kingdom will pay dearly for every second... ...we've had to wait. Break a leg. On second thought, let me break it for you. Thank goodness. I was afraid you wouldn't get back in time. Where's Fiona? Don't worry. She and the others are safe... for now. Let me guess. Arthur. It's Artie, actually. This boy is supposed to be the new King of Far Far Away? How pathetic. Stand still, so I won't make a mess. Oharming, stop! I'm here now. You got what you wanted. This isn't about him. Then who's it about? I'm supposed to be king, right? You weren't really next in line for the throne. I was. But you said the King asked for me personally. Not exactly. What does that mean? I said whatever I had to say, all right? I wasn't right for the job, so I needed some fool to replace me. And you fit the bill. So just go! You were playing me the whole time. You catch on real fast, kid. Maybe you're not as big of a loser as I thought. You know, for a minute... ...I actually thought... What? That he cared about you? He's an ogre. What did you expect? You really do have a way with children, Shrek. Leave me out with the waste This is not what I do It's the wrong time She's pulling me through It's a small crime And I got no excuse And is that all right, yeah? Is that all right with you? Is that all right, yeah? If I give my g*n away when it's loaded? If you don't sh**t it how am I supposed to hold it? Is that all right? Is that all right? Is that all right with you? No. Had we stayed put like I suggested, we'd be sipping tea out of little heart-shaped cups. Yeah, heart-shaped cups. And eating crumpets smothered with loganberries. Yeah, loganberries. Shut up, Oindy. Yeah, shut up. No, you shut up. Stay out of this. Who cares who's " running the kingdom" ? I care. You should all care. I have your badge number, tin can! Donkey? Princess! Puss? I am Puss, stuck here inside this hideous body. And I'm me! But you're... Everything's fruity in the loops, but what happened is we went to high school, the boat crashed and we got bippity-boppity-booped by the magic man. You poor sweet things. I don't get it. The cat turned into a little horse that smells like feet. What's to get? Who dat? Where's Shrek? Oharming has him. He plans to k*ll Shrek tonight in front of the whole kingdom! All right, everyone. We need to find a way out now. You're right. Ladies, assume the position! What are you doing? Waiting to be rescued. You've got to be kidding me. What else can we do? We're just four... ...I mean three, super-hot princesses... ...two circus freaks, a pregnant ogre and an old lady! Excuse me. Old lady coming through. Mom! You didn't think you got your fighting k*ll from your father, did you? Excuse me. There's still one more. Why don't you just lie down? Okay, girls, from here on out... ...we take care of business ourselves. The Far Far Away Theatre at the Charming Pavilion is proud to present... ..."It's A Happily Ever After After AII." Enjoy your evening of theatrical reverie, citizen. Oi! No food or beverages in the theater! Places, everyone! Easy! Sorry. I was showing off for the little one. It's Bring Your Kids to Work Day. Oome here, beautiful. Well, she's got your eye. Who would have thought a monster like me deserved something as special as you? Little birdies, take wing Flitting down from the trees they appear And to chirp in my ear All because I sing Move it! Go! My babies! Help! Hey, how's it goin' O to the K. The coast is clear. Let's do this. Go, Team Dynamite! I thought we agreed to use the name Team Super Oool. I recall it was Team Awesome. I voted for Team Alpha Wolf Squadron. Okay! From henceforth, we will be Team Alpha Super Awesome Oool Dynamite Wolf Squadron. Ach de liebe! There is some strange little girl over there staring at us! Artie! Wait, wait! Where is the fire, se�or? Please. Don't act so innocent. You both knew what was going on and kept it to yourselves. It's not like it seems. It's not? I think it seems pretty clear. He was using me. That's all. Using you? You really don't get it. Shrek only said those things to protect you. Oharming was going to k*ll you, Artie! Shrek saved your life. Oue the spot! I wait alone up here I'm trapped another day Locked up here, please set me free My new life I almost see A castle, you and me Yes, a castle, you and me Oherubs! Tis I, Tis I Upon my regal steed Princess, my love At last you shall be freed I'm strong And brave And dashing my way there With speed! With might! With soft and bouncy hair! - Through the blistering desert Hot! - Across the stormiest sea Wet! Facing creatures so vile Foul! So you can gaze upon me! I knew you'd come for me And now we finally meet I knew you'd wait And from my plate of love you'd eat Who is this terribly ugly fiend Who so rudely intervened? Will Charming fight or flee? Please rescue me! From this monstrosity! Fear thee not, honey lamb! I will slice this thing up like a ham! Oh, boy. You are about to enter a world of pain With which you are not familiar! It can't be any more painful than your lousy performance. " Prepare, foul beast." Prepare, foul beast, your time is done! Oould you k*ll me and then sing? Be quiet! I'm just having fun with you. That's actually a very nice leotard. Thank you. Do they come in men's sizes? Now that be funny! Enough! Now you'll finally know what it's like... ...to have everything you worked for... ...everything that's precious to you, taken away. Now you'll know how I felt. Sausage roll! Pray for mercy from Puss! And Donkey! D Hi, honey. Sorry we're late. You okay? Much better, now that you're here. So, Oharming, you want to let me out of these so we can settle this ogre-to-man? Ooh, that sounds fun. But I have a better idea. No! Let go of me! You will not ruin things this time, ogre. k*ll it. Everybody, stop! Oh, what is it now?! Artie? Who thinks we need to settle things this way? You mean you want to be villains your whole lives? But we are villains! It's the only thing we know. You never wish you could be something else? Easy for you to say. You're not some evil enchanted tree. You morons! Don't listen to him! Attack! What Steve means is it's hard to come by honest work when the whole world's against you. Right. Thanks, Ed. Fair enough. You're right. I'm not a talking tree. But you know... ...a good friend once told me... ...just because people treat you like a villain, or an ogre... ...orjust some loser... ...doesn't mean you are one. What matters most is what you think of yourself. If there's something you really want, or someone you want to be... ...the only person standing in your way is you. Me? Get him! No, no, no! What I mean is each of you... ...is standing in your own way. I always wanted to play the flute. I'd like to open up a spa... in France! I grow daffodils. And they're beautiful. A new era finally begins! Now all of you... ...bow before your King! You need to work on your aim. This was supposed to be my happily ever after! Well, you need to keep looking... ...because I'm not giving up mine. Mommy? It's yours if you want it. But this time it's your choice. Author! Artie! Artie! Artie! Artie! Excuse me. That's my seat. Okay, Se�or Hocusy-Pocusy, the time has come to rectify some wrongs! Though I have been enjoying these cat baths. Please say you didn't . All right! Look. You'll feel a pinch and possibly lower intestinal discomfort... ...but this should do the trick. Are you...? I'm me again! And I am not you! All right! Oops. Ah, never mind. What did I tell you? The kid's going to be a great king. Well, for what it's worth, you would have, too. I have something much more important in mind. Finally. Dada. Was I wrong about the world? It's a beautiful new place I smell Shrek Junior! Where else could a creep like me Meet such a pretty face Meeting every day with the rising sun Looking up, it's looking like My losing streak is done Peek-a-boo! Peek-a-boo! A bouncy, bouncy, boy! Used to always feel like Wished that I was dressed better Where's the baby? Never had a lot of luck Until I finally met her Meeting every day with the rising sun Looking up, it's looking like My losing streak is done My losing streak is done Well... what shall we do now? I got it. Puss and Donkey, baby! Once again, come on! I want to thank you for letting me be myself Again! Look at my hips! I want to thank you for letting me be myself Again! Break it down! Let's go! Stiff all in the collar Fluffy in the face Chit chat chatter trying Stuffy in the place Thank you for the par-tay But I could never stay I'm sorry. I got many things on my mind But the word's in the way And I want to thank you for letting me be myself Again Different strokes for different folks Thank you for letting me be myself Again Break it down! Puss and Donkey, baby! Puss and Donkey, baby! Puss and Donkey, baby! Dance to the music All night long Everyday people Sing a simple song Mama's so happy Mama start to cry Papa's still singing You can make it if you try So try! Thank you for letting me be myself Again Thank you for letting me be myself Again Oome on, Donkey. Do something right! Put the hoofs together! Put the hoofs together! Stomp your boots, baby! Stomp your boots, baby! Stomp your boots, baby! Thank you for letting me be myself Again I want to thank you for letting me be myself Again Thank you, thank you, thank you. Want to thank you Just to be my Because I just want to be my... See? Can I, can I thank you! Can I Yes! Yes! Children/Disney DVDs Children/Disney Instant Video Children/Disney Collectables       Gumballs 25 cents F.D. » Transcripts » Movies » Children/Disney © 2000-2022 Forever Dreaming. All rights reserved. About Contact Copyright Privacy policy