TIFU by letting my boyfriend eat my ass.

So my boyfriend kept telling me how excited he gets when thinking about eating ass.

I’ve always been against it but his constant repetition got me wondering what it would feel like so we decided to give it a go.

During foreplay he asked me again if he could eat my ass and I said yes.

It felt so weird, got my abs tensing up.

While licking down there 🍑 he decided to start fingering it too, the saliva was working as lube so it wasn’t painful or anything but I was feeling like I was gonna poop.

I just ignored it and was just so lost pleasuring myself with my vibrator.

When I orgasmed, I heard my boyfriend shout as if he was in pain.

I was super stressed at this point, scared I might have pooped or something.

He took he face out and stared at me. It was covered in brown watery material and he ended up throwing up on me.

Guess I got food poisoning or something and ended up diarrhoea blasting him.

…

We discussed it after he had a shower. I wanted to cheer him up so I told him I enjoyed it except the poop part. He just sat there in shock for a while and told me he doesn’t want to eat my ass again for a while.

TL;DR I tried anal foreplay and ended up pooping in my boyfriend’s mouth.

Edit: As someone pointed out - “they were basically inducing peristalsis of both the inner and outer sphincter with the fingering and vibrator. Makes ya wanna poop.”

Good to know 👍

Edit 2: People who are saying that my boyfriend is toxic and manipulative clearly don’t know him.

I let him talk about his fantasies, it turns me on.

The world isn’t black and white and adults are capable of finding something previously unacceptable to them acceptable.

Edit 3: I keep getting spam from support saying someone reached out to them.

Just to make it clear, I’m not traumatised by this experience and find it slightly funny. No need to offer me emotional support in messages either 🙂

Oh for the love of God. Enough with the MORBIUS. What’s even the joke???? “Hahahaha hey guys the movie sucks but I pretend it’s good”???? THATS NOT EVEN A FUCKING JOKE. Holy shit my dick is going to fall out of its foreskin if I have to hear, “hehe it’s morbin time” ONE MORE TIME. Not only is it NOT funny, IT DOESNT EVEN MAKE SENSE. THE POWER RANGERS HAVENT BEEN RELEVANT IN DECADES. MORBIUS SUCKS THE MOVIE IS COMPLETE TRASH AND IM ASHAMED TO HAVE SPENT MONEY ON IT. You know…. I never would have seen the movie without all of these “memes”(unfunny shitposts). I would have been a MUCH HAPPIER PERSON. So fuck your “MORBIUS” your “mighty morbin more morbs morbidly MORBIUS BULLSHIT” NO ONE CARES, YOU ARENT FUNNY. Does not a singular human being have any independent thought anymore???? “Morb morb morb morb” you’re like a BUNCH OF SEAGULLS. SEA GULLS. What the FUCK does “morbin” even mean????? ITS NOT A WORD. ITS JUST GOBBLE GOOP. I feel like I am the last truly sentient human being on earth. IM BEING DRIVEN TO THE BRINK OF INSANITY. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. TAKE YOUR MORBIUS BULLSHIT, SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS, AND GO OUTSIDE. Maybe if you went outside you could get “morb” bitches on your dick??!!! YOU LIKE THAT, YOU SEE WHAT YOUVE REDUCED ME INTO. I am a shell of a man and all of you collectively are to blame.

This meme has spread like a debilitating illness AND I CANT GET AWAY FROM IT. THE FALL OF WESTERN SOCIETY IS HERE AND THIS COMPLETE UNFUNNY DRIBBLE OF A MEME IS PART OF THE PROBLEM. WHAT THE FUCK DOES “gETtiNg MoRBed” EVEN MEAN. it makes ZERO SENSE. ITS JUST GIBBERISH. FUCKING GIBB ER ISH. ITS NOT FUNNY. Saying “morb” LIKE ITS ITS OWN PUNCHLINE IS NOT COMEDY. IT IS COMEDIC AND CULTURAL DEGRADATION. Are we really so stunted as a generation that even the mention of any word that starts with m-o-r-b is FUNNY??? IN WHAT FUCKING UNIVERSE. Is it funny because it isn’t funny because praising something bad is now good??????? HOW MANY LAYERS OF IRONY DO WE NEED. HOW FAR DOES THE RABBIT HOLE GO. This website has stripped me of EVERY LAST BRAINCELL. GOING ON REDDIT FEELS LIKE IM GETTING A SUPER HERO INDUCED LOBOTOMY. I hate MORBIUS. I HATE IT. I know I’m just going to get FLOODED WITH “get morbed, this guy got morbed, what morb does to a man” HAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHQHQHAHAHAHAHAHWHHSHWBSQIISHWINSIQKSBDD SSSSOOOOOOOOOOOO FUNNNNNNNNYYYYYYY AGAGAGGAGHHHHHHHHH

*Though observed mainly in the western hemisphere, the peculiar "anal" mating practice is a global phenomenon and particularly popular among homosexual homo sapiens.*

*For this exquisite class of human males the journey towards consummation starts during the puberty stage of their lifecycle. It's at this crucial point in life that males will discover if they are have mutated into homosexuals. For those lucky enough to do so, the next step is to evolve into one of two roles in the colony of queers. A top or a bottom. Once settled, this role typically remains for the rest of his homosexual existence.*

*Tops will behave similar to their heterosexual counterparts and look for partners to seed, while bottoms seek to adapt to the role of females. Bottoms will flaunt their bussy to attract the most attractive tops with the biggest cocks, strongest biceps and creamiest ejaculate.*

*Homosexuals will mate all year, although we can observe improved activity during summer. Once a homosexual is in heat, it will initiate contact with other homosexuals through various sophisticated means. Most common is the so-called Grindr app strategy. The Grindr is a special signal that travels through a series of tubes and allows the homosexual to locate other homosexuals in close proximity. The exact details of how it works remains a mystery for scientists to this day.*

*Using the Grindr signal, bottoms and tops will try to court one another through the use of so-called dickpics or hole shots - some extremely graphic material depicting their physique. Although obscene to the common eye, this imagery consistently promotes response among homosexuals. Courting a potential partner may take several minutes or sometimes even more if the homosexual is in a sparsely populated area or just unattractive.*

*Once a positive response has been established, the homosexuals will seek to approach each other immediately to initiate the mating ritual. Typically a preparation period of 30-60 minutes is required as the bottom will want to flood his appendix with a water hose and expend any excrement that may be present. This greatly increases the probability of a succesful mating, as most tops are averted to the presence of visible excrement on their penis.*

*Once the homosexuals meet, the mating begins almost immediately. The top will first attempt to strangle the bottom by forcefully inserting his penis down the throat of the bottom. The presence of a throbbing cock inside the trachea of the bottom evokes a particular sense of euphoria that sends pulsations through the sphincter of the bottom and helps him prepare for the penetration so imminent.*

*In some cases, the bottom may choose to inhale potent elixirs such as amyl nitrates also known as poppers, which helps the anus relax to allow penetration without significant damage. Bottoms commonly bring their own, but tops are sometimes observed offering small bottles of amyl nitrates as tokens of affection to their bottoms.*

*After a few minutes of foreplay, the top - now fully erect - will insert his penis into the anus of the bottom. As this process can be painful for the bottom, especially if he's very young or the top is well endowed, it may take an extended period of time - sometimes up to a whole minute and may require several licks of spit to complete.*

*Once the bottom is fully penetrated, the top will start thrusting in and out of the bottom at a steady, but slowly increasing pace. At this point he might grab the bottom by the neck and utter derogatory phrases to assert dominance and evoke excitement in the bottom. Ultimatetely the intensity of the fornication increases and the top will thrust at an ever growing rate almost reaching the frequency of a hummingbird.*

*It is at this moment that the top will climax and shoot his semen inside the appendix of the bottom and conclude the mating. Often bottoms will simultanously ejaculate as well using their paws for self-pleasuring, although some bottoms find excitement in focusing solely on the orgasm of their chosen top.*

*Although the entire ritual seems rather pointless from an evolutionary perspective as no new offspring is conceived, the homosexuals appear entirely unfazed by this. Their mating seems to serve a purely recreational purpose. Exactly why this is the case, scientists have yet to establish and as so empirical research continue in the pursuit of a greater understanding of this unusual phenomenon in the animal kingdom.*

This movie changed my life, it is the most beautiful creation mankind has ever made. I was in a dark place for about 2 months, I was very depressed because i had lost my job and my girlfriend but then i watched "G-Force" and everything changed. I love this movie so much and i watch it at least once a week every week. I dont think ill ever watch any movie better than "G-Force", it has had the biggest impact on my life. I gained confidence and got back with my girlfriend, we're now happily married with two kids, one is 2 years old and the other is 4 months old. I got my dream job as a taxidermist and bought a really nice Prius but the most important thing to me by far are my guinea pigs. I have 32 guinea pigs and 4 moles, they have the biggest room in the house because without them i would be nothing. I have 167 copies of "G-Force", I have it on blu-ray, dvd, cassette, and i have a disney plus subscription as well. I'm glad to share my story but make sure to watch "G-Force" the greatest movie ever made.

They recruit well build ladies to seduce your sons and coerce them into sexual contact but the contact that they fondle your sons genitalia but make your son watch garfield furry porn while they do it. They take advantage of his natural attraction to well built ladies and imprint sexualized images of garfield onto it, to transform their sons sexuality to garfield furry porn (this exists, it's on the internet).

They cause addiction through inducing a perverse and unnatural sexuality, and coerce you son to pay for more garfield furry porn so he can get his fix. This is how they fund the homosexual agenda. It's similar to have drug gangs make money on meth, but found a legal but much more evil way of doing it.

Ok, now let's say, hypothetically, that I would never give you up, and I would never let you down, in a practical sense, I would also never run around and desert you, now let's also hypothetically say that logically speaking, I would never make you cry, and I would never say goodbye, now with all this, we can obviously come to the conclusion that I would never tell a lie and hurt you.

SCP-69420-J "Vaporeon"

Description:

Vaporeon is a light blue dog-like creature with a height of 3'03" and a weight of 29.0 kg with a tail that splits into two. It has a series of spikes traveling down it's spine, not unlike a Stegosaurus. Vaporeon seems to demonstrate increased agility when swimming, for the purpose of preying on divers in freshwater. When it catches a diver it wraps it's tail around the diver's neck and travels through the diver's throat into their lungs to suffocate them. Then after the diver's painful death, the Vaporeon will consume them. Vaporeon tissue was sent to some of our scientists and they said it shared similar properties to water. Vaporeon before containment was often found in urban areas.

Containment procedures:

Vaporeon is to be encased in a 2 meters by 2 meters fish tank filled with freshwater. This box must also have 3 D-classes put into each day to feed Vaporeon. In case of a containment breach, Vaporeon must be shot with hollow bullets filled with salt.

I can't fucking believe this.. literally saw this meme in my dream tonight.

Basically Hawkeye was arguing with Morbius or something and the camera focused on Spider-Man for some reason but you could still hear Morbius in the background incorporating "Do you know what time it is?" into his dialogue when talking to Hawkeye.

Jeez, this is getting out of hand.

The concept of Big Chungus was a construct of the internet, passed from user to user of a cel of the original Looney Tunes cartoon “Wabbit Troubles” in which Bugs Bunny inflates to poke fun at Elmer Fudd. This image being passed around the internet with jokes being made of it, is what many would know as a meme, and while not the first, it definitely paved the way for many other memes similar to it, such as a 3D render of Saul Goodman and Fortnite. This concept of memes can be brought back to modern day with 2022’s hit meme, Morbius. Morbius is a meme where users of the internet will poke fun at the poor quality of Sony’s 2022 movie Morbius, making reference to a made-up quote, “It’s Morbin’ Time” and how the movie made “One Morbillion Dollars”. While Big Chungus had flair and personality, Morbius appears to be an overused meme which people get tired of after the first thousand instances, alas, like any meme, it always manages to come back. On similar notes, the 2018 video game Among Us, was also popular for a long period of time. Many online users jokingly called the game, amogus (a play on words, removing the ‘n’ and ‘space’ seen in the original title), and finding objects that bore a similar appearance to the astronauts seen in game. According to the Google Trends graph presented in figure 1, Among Us comedy is slowly on the decline as Morbius overtakes it with ten times more google searches than Among Us, daily. Obviously Morbius will die eventually, but for now we must consider the popularity of the meme a product of the time, as who knows, perhaps within several years, online internet users may be laughing at images of fruit and poorly 3D rendered cubes.

So my boyfriend kept telling me how excited he gets when thinking about eating ass.

I’ve always been against it but his constant repetition got me wondering what it would feel like so we decided to give it a go.

During foreplay he asked me again if he could eat my ass and I said yes.

It felt so weird, got my abs tensing up.

While licking down there 🍑 he decided to start fingering it too, the saliva was working as lube so it wasn’t painful or anything but I was feeling like I was gonna poop.

I just ignored it and was just so lost pleasuring myself with my vibrator.

When I orgasmed, I heard my boyfriend shout as if he was in pain.

I was super stressed at this point, scared I might have pooped or something.

He took he face out and stared at me. It was covered in brown watery material and he ended up throwing up on me.

Guess I got food poisoning or something and ended up diarrhoea blasting him.

TL;DR I tried anal foreplay and ended up pooping in my boyfriend’s mouth.

So my 5 year old son decided to call me the N word this morning at 5:30 AM.

5:31 AM: I leave the room and start crying in the bathroom.

5:45 AM: I start jerking off

5:50 AM: Post nut clarity hits and I walk out of the bathroom sweaty with cum all over

5:51 AM: Grab my belt and walk over to my son (they/them)

5:52 AM: I start beating him

7:00 AM: I ask "Do you understand why I am doing this to you?"

7:01 AM: He's crying and says "I don't know."

7:02 AM: I start dialing 911

2:00 PM: The police show up

2:05 PM: They take him away to prison

2:06 PM: He dies, Justice is served

2:30 PM: I start to celebrate with my family and we go to the Cheesecake Factory

So I was on r/Politics discussing the political and economic state of the world with several intelligent individuals men when one of them told me my mommy is fat. I responded by saying "kys". I decided to take a break from pushing lgbtq rights on reddit and binged watch every morbius movie. Of course my phone was on do not disturb so i could focus. After several hours of morbing, I opened up my phone to hundreds of notifications. I was banned from reddit. I lost my job. My family left me. The police came to my house and masterbated all of my cum out of me. Then they castrated my balls. My house was taken away and I was deported to brazil. Be a good redditor. Don't be like me. From now on I post wholesome memes on r/wholesomememes and try to not get beaten on the streets of brazil from clowns.

# How to hide a body

Get a waterproof sleeping bag and bury the person head first feet up. Pull out the teeth, clip off the finger tips and toes and put them in a 2lt bottle of coke and stick it at the bottom with the head. As the body decomposes the liquids of delicious human goo will condense at the bottom of the bag (in the head, making facial recognition impossible without computer reconstruction) and the coke will degrade the finger tips/toes and teeth making identity by finger prints and dental records impossible. After a while the bottle of coke will explode from pressure built up by the fluids from the body parts and further degrade the body because of liquidation, even the bones will eventually get warped because of the coke. Nothing will leak out because you're using a waterproof sleeping bag and after a few weeks of decomp the entire body will be a gooey pile of human goo at the bottom of a small sleeping bag and as this all happens the dirt will slowly sink making the hole look natural because it will remove any marks that it was dug.

You know who likes special entertainment like that, who can help, who needs supervision, who also rocks that hard, who also has the best tacos in the city, who would also blow a fuse if she found out they were slacking off, who also doesn't have time for this, who also says "UHHH", who we also feel sorry for, who taught Uncle John how to hotwire the cart, who also lifts like a champ, who lifts with the legs, who also messes around a lot, who also is going to need to be supervised again for not doing it right, who also blows a mean piece of brass, who doesn't talk about her feelings, who will also play quartz/parchment/shears, who also likes to kick people in the face, who also likes to score so she can get computer rights for a week, who has lame outfits in her closet, who also likes to clean up other peoples messes, who also smells like a pile of butts, who is also hot and tears through stuff, who also looks pregnant in photographs, who also has smokey on her tail, who also likes to stuff themselves with their bosses' free donuts, whose C also is equal to 8, who is also like "What's up Mr. President?", whose middle name is "huge", who also aces stress tests, who also leads to violence and horror, who is also impressed by cat checks, who keeps scarecrow clothes in her trash, who has a better endzone dance, who has done nothing since high school, who likes to polish peoples' rocks, who doesn't have any friends, who is the scariest, who can't handle the truth about their lame stories, who doesn't drop their trail mix when they get scared, who likes scaring people, who likes to mess around in the rain, who has a lot to think about, who doesn't give up on friendship, who has a meeting at 8, who doesn't run out of gas, who also scans her server, who is up to protocol, who has a pretty bad virus, who has never gone off, who is so rash, who grows really big to show their dominance but is actually really small deep down?

Muscle Mans' mom.

I only jerk off to gay porn and I am not gay. Here is why: When you masturbate to porn, you get desensitized in the long run. That means if you jerk off to pawgs, milfs, teens, etc... in the long run you cock will no longer get erect when you see hot women. So even if you have a pawg sitting on your cock it will be flacid and you will feel no attraction whatsoever.

BUT if you masturbate to gay porn only (such as twinks, breeding, sissy, traps...) you will become desensitized to men and will NOT feel attracted to them, while remaining attracted to hot women.

Sometimes my intellect surprises me.

society
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Big Jill: I went to the shop but the shelves were bare

Bald Martin: The loo rolls were gone, but I looked everywhere

Big Jill: There were no rolls in sight, they were gone too fast

Bald Martin: So I’m gonna have to have our rolls last

Big Jill: Don’t use too much, it’s a crime

Bald Martin: Or you’ll be getting a £60 fine

Big Jill: The police are checking how much is in your loo

Bald Martin: On their hands and knees inspecting what you do

Big Jill: So listen closely to our rhyme

Bald Martin + Big Jill: Only use one piece at a time!!!

I know this story dosent seem real but trust me once you hear it you will understand. I am 29 now but i started cumming inside my wallet at around 20. I used to be on the run for for more then a dozen accounts of drug possesion and 4 accounts of vandalism and one account of arson. I had a rough childhood and I didn’t grow up in the nicest area so I was just naturally lead into drug using and a life of crime. Trust me I regret a lot of things I did in my life. If I could go back in time to make better decisions I would. I even was in juvenile detention for a year. I started committing crimes at 16. By 20 I was on the run. I had a lot of fake IDs. I bet there will be a lot of people asking me why I would cum in my wallet but most of the time I was high on a mix of PCP, LSD, and sometime meth. Every time my cum dried up my wallets top would be blocked so I would have to poke a hole on the bottom to get my cards out. Most of the time I would steal food so I barely needed it. When time I showed my wallet to people when I was high they got freaked out. Once I got sober I of course stopped. Anyways this is a wild story of my younger self

NSFW is a collective term used to describe multiple things, for example, a company. It can be said that it is an umbrella term, which covers both economics and entertainment. NSFW stands for Nexus of Solar Frame Works. However, the title has nothing to do with the contents it contains. You can split NSFW into many sections. However today I will be explaining 5 of the most major sections. These include BDSM-type NSFW, Torture, Fantasies, Masochism, and P.O.R.N.
1. BDSM-type NSFW.
BDSM stands for Break Dance Simulator Multitude. BDSM is a game company that is focused on making the user exercise. The company has made 3 games so far, Break Dance Simulator, Break Dance Simulator: Harry Potter Edition, and Break Dance Simulator: Blood and Bones. BDSM earns around 150 million USD per month, of which 67 million goes to funding, 53 million going to expenses, and 30 million for savings. BDSM is located in Sid-Deez-Nuts, awp-stralia.
2. Torture.
NSFW can contain torture, and this part of NSFW is known as the "dark side" of NSFW. Commonly uploaded topics are : CBT(Chicken and Bear Toiletries), Whipping cream, and NSFW wikipedia pages vocoded to national anthems for brainwashing purposes. The most popular torture video has 2.7 million views, and it is CBT vocoded to the US national anthem. This video is known by most as "American Propaganda", as it is used to brainwash communists to become capitalist.
3. Fantasies.
Fantasies can range from anything, from a rocket scientist to a nuclear physicist, as long as your monthly income is over bill gate's net worth, you are allowed to act upon your fantasies. Personally, my favourite fantasy is not you trying to find out my non-existent fetish.
4. Masochism.
Masochism is also part of the dark side of NSFW. It's official definition is person who receives gratification from their own pain or humiliation. But I like to describe it as "person who likes to hurt themself".
5. P.O.R.N
P.O.R.N stands for Photography Of Righteous Nukes.

FUCK ROBLOX ALL MY HOMIES HATE ROBLOX AND HG FUCK HG SIG ON TURN 1 GUYS I AM VERY TALENTED AM VERY SMART I PLAYED SIG ON TURN 1 AND OH MY GOD NOW I CAN PLAY INFINUT 1 DROPS AND 2 2 DROPS AND 1 3 DROPS ON. TURN. 2. FUCK HUGE GIGANTICUS HUGE GIGANTICUS MORE LIKE "I PLAY THIS CHARECTER TO FEEL LIKE I AM WORHT SOMETHING SINCE I HAVE A SMALL COCK AND I SHOULD FEED MY MOTHER FUCKING EGO TO FEEO LIKE I AM GOOD GUYS HG NOT OP BECAUSE NOT GUARANTEDD ON TURN 1 HAHAHAHAHHA" FUCK HG SIG