I'm sorry, I know it's pride month but it's gone too far, you expect me to think drinking sparkling water is "normal" and should be something I have to respect you for? I know you will always be yourself. and I've no problem with that but I don't want you to make me drink your sparkling water, or to drink sparkling water in front of my kids! Our society has no need to change for the 1% who "love" sparkling water!!

1. \>Be russia
2. \>make new peepeepoopoo mig-9000 that you cant afford to build and claim its better than piss-22 shittor and F-35lightning cock 2
3. \>The west shits their pants
4. \>develops new aircraft to combat peepeepoopoo mig-9000
5. \>Singlehandedly orchestrate a technological leap a full generation above your current military arsenal
6. \>Be russia
7. \>make new super t90538349498 shitbox tank that definitely isnt just a slightly upgraded t90
8. \>Claim it to be the most advanced tank ever built
9. \>Your failing dogshit economy can only afford to make 3
10. \>They all get destroyed by a corrupt poor nation in eastern europe
11. \>Say fuck it and make another shitbox t90 with the same engine, transmission, fire control system, autoloader, ammunition, armor profile, and armor dimensions as the T-72BU

Morbius 2 will be an ever movie. This 'meme' isn't going to die because it's so much more than a meme. It's a movement. When Morbius finally says "It's Morbin' time." The crowd will go wild. They will lose their breath. It makes sense that a meme about a vampire movie would be immortal. We get it, you don't believe; you wanna morb and you just can't, the artificial blood CAN help you... you just gotta believe. You see, the Morbius meme is one of the greatest memes of our generation - or better, this decade. The raw humour behind each meme is only amplified by Jared Leto’s stellar performance. If he doesn’t win every Oscar available, I’ll be shocked. To say this meme will never die is an understatement.

I met someone like you at the start of all this. I tracked him up to a parking lot and decapitated him with my limited editionTM Morbius Blade. (Shop morbiusmerch.com) Please - if you haven’t already, do yourself a favor. Watch Morbius, and watch it again. And again. And again. You won’t regret it. This is more than a meme.

Now that you've read this, it's okay to admit you're wrong.

Every day, a large number of cum monsters would emerge from cum sinkhole and viciously attack surrounding cummies, which would cause Bobby Lou to lose his shit and assimilate his ball powers book, after which he would gain divine ability to write bullshitty shit on social media site called Bluedit. Bluedit was known for hosting huge amount of neckbeard 2D lovers. legends say if your balls are itchy, then you should probably go to doctor instead of browsing Bluedit you sick fuck.
thank you,
Amber Heard.

Jesus Christ, go sign up for a fucking Jerries kids telethon if it will soothe your asshurt soul and assuage the anguish of window lickers everywhere. Don’t like the dark humor, ignore it. Better yet just get the fuck out and for God’s sake, stay off of any other social media that might offend your delicate sensibilities.

Furthermore, if you do slink off to your fucking safe space, be sure to drink bleach to stay hydrated. Holy fuck, if grass were dicks you’d drag your ass across a field. That is literally how fucking gay you’re being about this.

The sauce.

#You will need

Tomatoes, tomato paste, a dry wine, olive oil, onions, garlic, pepperoncino, salt, pepper, and basil.

#Recipe

Start off by dicing your onion, garlic, and pepperoncino. Then move onto the tomatoes. I recommend using canned whole san marzanos tomatoes, but if you feel like being extra you can also blanche some fresh tomatoes if you want. You can also use pre crushed canned tomatoes. You can also crush your tomatoes by hand or use a food processor.

After that, preheat a pan on high for a minute or two and then coat the bottom in your olive oil. Add in the onions and pepperoncino first in order to sweat them for a bit. They will not need long to cook, just wait for the onions to become translucent a bit. After this, add in the garlic and cook until aromatic. Don't brown the garlic or it will become very bitter.

Once aromatic, add in about an ounce or two of tomato paste and fry it for a bit. Frying the tomato paste will add more flavor to the sauce and just make it taste better. Mix it around with the onions, garlic, and pepper.

After the tomato paste has fried for a bit, add in your wine of choice. Ensure it is a dry wine. If you add in a white wine, it will add a certain sweetness and acidity to the sauce. If you add in a red wine, it will add in a richer, almost meaty flavor to the sauce. Mix around until the alcohol smell has burned off and the tomato paste had mixed in with the wine.

Now, drop the heat to a medium-low and add in the tomatoes, basil, salt, and pepper. Allow to simmer and make sure you taste the sauce to get it to where you want. The simmering should take around 20 minutes or so, though really this depends on how thick you want it.

After done, you have your sauce and it is so much better than what you will get at a store in a jar. You can use this sauce for pasta, muscles and marinara, or chicken parm.

I found this weird dating website known as LinkedIn. 🤔 After creating an account on this website, way too many girls are messaging me daily 🔥😍🔥. However, the strange thing is all seem to have this title "recruiter" in their bio 🤔 and go on to say something about "blacklisting". 🙅🏿‍♀️ Not sure, what that is all about 👀, but I'm having a blast!!! 😈🎉

I cried when Mobius and venom said "its morbin time" and proceeded to become venom,also My good friend bryant moreland was also there , (he is known as EDP445) "And he didnt really do anything wrong just so everyone knows he is innocent and just wanted a cupcake." because we are venom , and then I started crying when venom teamed up with morbingus and killed spider man from the hit game among us, And then the among us imposter came into the scene and killed scooby doo and fortnite for possesion of illegal drugs , Than lebron james and among us team up with venom and morbingus to take over the world of the space jam, and than after that Rkelly and sonic2 attacked them and then they almost died but morbiobus and lebron james welcomed them to the space jam, and then they played the game team fortress 2 , which was developed by valve who owns will smiths children and family, who I have in my basement steam, After this the movie seems over and calm until the red sus from among us comes from vent and says "among us sus" which almost kills venom from the hit movie space jam a new legacy, I also liked the part when venom nukes russia and ukraine and morbiobusbus attacks ukraine with stinky poop, which was kinda scary but honestly I think lebron james and R kelly were great heroes and villans, And then hitler comes back from the dead and tries to kill bee movie, and then among us poo saves bee movie from hitler and they are saved. Morlibbingorbgarfieldiarywimrkellbious was so good and I was so suprised when dwayne "the rock" johnson appeared, (stars in jungle movie ) And eats the imposter and says "among us challenge number 7" than among us challenge number 7 commences and than number 6 man urinates on a fellow passenger attacks Dwayne "The rock" Johnson and his twin brother barack obama who starts brutally killing number 8 and kanye east which made me cry fart and scream at the same time. I think garfield and among us were a pretty good duo as they were both sussy, and garfield does not like mondays as shown in the hit show 1000 pound sisters and then the sus from among us starts having a moment where venom and kendrick lamar sings the hit song called venom by the popular rapper eminem which goes like this "venom, venom, venom, venom", and dies, It was so sad when jeffrey epstien and lil mosey died because his cameo was so good. I think this sheds good light on diary of a wimpy kid game six where the kid and EDP445 are against Michael Jordan in the 92-93 nba season. Such a great movie, and I have never seen something this great before,h I got kicked out of my job for "workplace harassment" I was just trying to explain how morbiobus was the best thing to ever be made by human kind, Cant wait for my restraining order to be lifted so I can see my kids again. im sorry laura please let me see my son "its been 6 years im not crazy, im just a morbster and you have to accept me for that please let me see my kids and watch the hit game among us in movie form with morbious laura im sorry . Its morbin time, and I love among us so much and I want my family back,also, eddie brock, and venom who combine into venom and say their hit catchphrase "we are venom" and start yelling welcome to the space jam I actually died for a couple seconds and got send to the ER but once on the hospital bed, I got up and ran out as I had to see morbingus and kanye west pooping in 1080p ultra hd if i did not i knew i would die and I wont pretend that I am morbious and start rolling around the floor with explosive diarrhea again, and I will not use the kids as hostages in any more among us poo #morbioussweep please rate helpfull

I have impressed a lot of people with my spreading skills too. I once spread for a convention of 400 people. I was so popular, people were queueing to watch me spread. I couldn't believe the reception I got. People even joined me and we started to enjoy spreading for each other. It was a huge success. We would have kept going for the whole day but we ran out of bread and butter.

A while ago on r/jokes there was a post regarding the bandwidth of a penis, linked here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/8olm8a/a_sperm_cell_contains_about_375_mb_of_information/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

TL:DR, the bandwidth provided was 1687 TB/s.

That's the bandwidth, but then the upload speed is 1.58548786 bytes per second, and it uploads over the course of 9 months!

But we must remember that you found the burst bandwidth, not sustained. If we take into the average length of a refractory period, ~20 minutes, and add the average time it takes to climax, 6.57 minutes(average of masturbation [4.89] and intercourse [8.25] times), we get 26.57 minutes. (Divide by 60 = 1594.2 seconds)

We then take 1687 and divide by 1594.2, and we get a sustained bandwidth speed of 1.05821101493 TB/s, which is equal to 1058.211 gigabytes a second.

Edit: apparently the MB per sperm cell is actually more along the lines of 736 mb. To account for this we can multiply the original value by 19.626, which provides a burst bandwidth of 33110.186 TB/s. Following the math above we then divide by 1594.2 and get ~20.77 TB/s sustained bandwidth.

English is my fourth language and I'm writing this on my phone with a throwaway account using only my toes while reading Kierkegaard so please forgive me for any grammar mistakes. :)

So, a little backstory. I'm a 24-year-old female, 5'10, white (thank God), skinny with DD breasts and an ass that barely fits in skinny jeans. People often say that I'm the most stunningly gorgeous person they've ever met and I should consider modeling but I dunno lol. I'm childfree, an atheist, a meat lover, and strictly heterosexual.

Anyway, both my parents died in a Muslim terrorist attack when I was 12 along with all my aunts, uncles, and grandparents so I took it upon myself to raise all twenty of my siblings and cousins singlehandedly, working four full-time jobs while going to school, leading eight clubs, captaining the varsity volleyball, water polo, and basketball teams, and volunteering at a hospital all while maintaining a healthy social life. I'm currently working on my fifth Ph.D. in between running my successful non-profit to end global poverty, writing my eleventh novel, starring in the final Tarantino film, streaming Minecraft, protesting in Hong Kong, and phone banking for Bernie Sanders.

So I was at the hardware store picking out a chandelier to put in the house I'm building for the homeless when this fat, smelly, repulsive, gay, transgender "woman" walks up to me and shrieks, "you're oppressing me by being thin! Eat a fucking vegan burger you skinny slut!" I hit her with the "okay boomer," and she responded, "that's literally as offensive as calling me a n\*gger!" Then she threw her slimy crotch goblin at me and screamed, "get her, Jayden! Infect her with your polio that you got because I refuse to vaccinate you!" I didn't wanna be a Karen and call the manager over to settle this so I took it upon myself to personally vaccinate her child right on the spot and saved his life. The "woman" then tried to convert me to Christianity so I kicked her in the balls and dragged her out of the store. Everyone clapped, the manager gave me $1,000 (which I donated to TeamTrees), and Obama reached out to thank me for my bravery.

So reddit. Fellow redditors. People of reddit. Denizens of reddit.com. Wise sages of the internet. Tell me the truth. Am I the asshole?

Edit: Wow, this got a lot more attention than I thought it would! Since a lot of people are asking, yes, I am a Navy SEAL and no, I have never pooped in my entire life. I was a quadriplegic after this incident but I overcame the paralysis very quickly because I'm not a little bitch. Also, because it seems to be relevant, here are the details of my sex life: I get plowed three to four times a day by my perfect lover, I'm into every kink imaginable, I have no gag reflex, and my tubes are tied so no worries there. Apparently sex with me cures all diseases and causes a bigger dopamine hit than heroin, but I dunno.

I went to a bar last week and saw this total morbette. I immediately morbed a little in my pants and decided to put my morb where my mouth is. I went up and sat my Morbussy on the stool next to her, and asked her if I knew her. Nah, you're too pretty. I'd remember your face. Tequila to remember, whiskey to forget. She was instantly morbing out her panties at the mere thought of morbing out with me. Then some anti-morber jerkop came up and said "Are you fucking quoting Morbius (2022) to pick up girls?" I panicked. I said "Would you like some whiskey, my friend?" and he started assaulting me. I morbed the hell out and morbed all over that guy and am now in federal prison for "Murder". Don't those detectives know it was a morbius reference? All in all, AITA?

I can't stop thinking about European soccer goals (The actual goals, not the game result), and they play in my head all day. I am severely addicted to this and want it to stop, please. How do I get bored of these clips so whenever a memory of these goals gets in my head, my mind just brushes it off?

I am addicted to soccer/football (whatever the hell the name is, i don't care). HELP ME. I am just 16 right now, and I have had this problem since I was 13. I don't want to be a soccer-watcher anymore. But my brain fights against it. I fear that I will be a grown-ass man watching this sport and crushing my hands while doing it laughing like an insane monkey. All I think about is goals, like the one in the recent club championship, the CL. I am scared, that this addiction will never go away. Whenever I get reminded of a goal, wherever I am whatever I am doing, it just plays in my head over and over again. I CAN NOT BRUSH IT OFF. It is like a drug. BUT HOW THE F\*\*\* AM I SUPPOSED TO CONTROL WHAT MY BRAIN THINKS. It is easy for me to not watch soccer on youtube for weeks on end. But the clips play in my head, and I can't get them to stop. When I was a kid, I loved the LEGO series Ninjago. I would rank the gis the ninja had, the villains, etc. By the time I was about the become a teen, I grew out of it, and never gave it much thought. These days, my mind brushes off Ninjago and can't care enough about it for thoughts about it to last more than 3 seconds. I loved Ninjago for 2 to 3 years intently. I would walk around the the recess playground alone coming up with my own ideas for ninjago lego sets. And my mind just doesn't care anymore about it. HOW DO I ENSURE THAT THIS SAME THING HAPPENS TO THE GODLY CURSE THAT IS SOCCER/FOOTBALL?! PLEASE, TELL ME!!! I AM WASTING MY LIFE THINKING ABOUT HOW SWEATY MILLIONAIRES USE THEIR FEET TO GUIDE A BALL BEYOND ANOTHER SWEATY MILLIONAIRE INTO TWO PIECES OF METAL WRAPPED WITH CLOTH TO LINE THE POCKETS OF A BILLIONAIRE. I AM WASTING MY HIGH SCHOOL AND REAL LIFE. I know I stopped caring about Ninjago since middle school began since middle school kept me busy and my mind just started to lose focus on Ninjago and on other things. Ninjago didn't get boring per say, but other things began attracting my attention more like SpongeBob, Star Wars, Super-heroes, Dude Perfect, etc. Overall, it eventually faded. These days however, I have almost no interest in film or tv show. I can't bring myself to care about Marvel Cinematic Universe or Star Wars, I just can't. Not Harry Potter, nothing. TV Shows, I just dont care much for them. So, what form of entertainment CAN I PLEASE START WATCHING to END my brain's soccer addiction, and make soccer boring. WHAT CAN I DO TO BORE SOCCER OUT. Sure, not watching it will help. But I watched it for 3 years. All those highlights from the 3 years just keep on playing in my head over and over again. And this happens for days, weeks, on end. I take goals, and replace the players who scored them with different players and do that action for many goals and my brain gets addicted to that pointless action. So, even when i stop watching it, the amount of current highlights in my head is so massive, my brain will never run out of soccer to obsess over. I am about to go into 12th grade. I PRAY TO GOD THAT BY THE TIME I ENTER UNIVERSITY, I AM BORED AS FU\*\* OF SOCCER, AND HAVE FOUND A NEW PASSION, SOMETHING NEW TO THINK ABOUT WHEN i am doing nothing. The World Cup is coming up in 2022. Overall, I have made progress in the realm of soccer obsession in that I really don't care nor an interested anymore in the domestic leagues. the fu\*\*\*ng champions league is what has caused most of the addiction however. However, I am nearly losing interest in that too. after 3 years/3 seasons of watching that competition start to finish, it has gotten stale and it is hard to care anymore. however, THE HIGHLIGHTS KEEP RUNNING IN MY HEAD. I WONT WATCH THE CHAMPIONS LEAGUE, BUT OLD HIGHLIGHTS RUN IN MY HEAD. Should I watch the world cup 2022, since I watched the 2014 and 2018 ones before my addiction and when I watched those, the highlihgts never played in my head. I watched like how I wish I could watch right now, as a casual fan. Overall, I know the whole point of soccer is the result, i feel like perhaps it would be best for me to not watch the 2022 world cup, as in the matches, but rather just see the scores off of Google. or maybe i don't even need to see that. I AM WILLING TO DO ANYTHING TO RID MYSELF OF THIS BRAIN-FOOTBALL ADDICTION. IF ANYBODY, ANYBODY HERE COULD HELP ME, I GIVE YOU THE BIGGEST HUGEST THANKS. please. please.

You probably made and printed that yourself man.


No one needs another Morbius. And for someone so "method" you should have researched how insulting this movie and character is to the Disability Community and with your chance to retcon it for the better you it contains Ableism.

💀

PLEASE DO NOT FUCK YOUR PC'S WATER COOLING! So one day i was horny and I was on my pc, I really, really like inanimate porn. I've watched many dudes fuck xboxs, hotpockets, and everything above. Its so hot because you dont see their reactions, they just seem so lifeless its so hot. But anyways, back to my story, I was looking at my dick, trying to get it hard, and i saw my pc. Its a watercooled pc so i started thinking about fucking the tubing. Maybe it could be turnt into a fleshlight? I pressed the small button on my pc to turn it off, disassembled the tubing, pulled out my dick and OW, fuck! My fucking dick is too big for the tubing. Best orgasm of my life but now my penis is now a demorphed piece of shit. Do not fuck your pc's watercooling.

Operating with the framework that God is an omniscient being, it must follow that he can imagine scenarios so vividly that, to him, they are indistinguishable from reality. To deny is this is to render God impotent, for he loses the very virtues that grant him his divinity. Then, if one accepts the previous premise, one must naturally concede that for God to retain his omniscience, he must have imagined himself being fucked in the ass by a human male. Moreover, this fantasy must also be so vivid that it cannot be distinguished from reality; in other words, he must know what it is like for a man to spill his seed into his sphincter. If this was not the case, and the man jazzing in his ass was a mere fantasy, God could not be all-knowing. The upshot of this argument is that God, as an omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient being, must have had or at least fantasised about having sexual relations with a man.

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Sounds pretty gay…

IT IS PHSY😡😡😡ICLALLY IMMPOSIBLE FOR A A WOMAN TO FUCK A. WOMANA, YOURU DONDNT EVEN HAVE DI🤓🤓🤓CKCK HOW DO YOU FICK EAHC OTHER, ALAOOSO EVEN IFJD YOU USUE DILDO YOU SSTIL CANTBT GET PREGANNAT!!!!!!!😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡ANND THRHYE EXPECT US TO CALL THEM "LELSBIAANN???"????,????? FUCKING DIIDOT YOUIRU ARE GAYA YOU ARE FUCKING GAYA🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓😡AND LASO WOMAN DONT EXIST 😡😡😡😡😡 AND DODNT TWLL ME YOURERER"BISEXUAL" THARS JUST GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKVING RTARTDR!!!!!!!!!!! II AHTEE GAY MLOONTH!!!!! GAYA MONTH SUCKS!!!!!!!! LITERALLY BADED ON FUCKING GIBBERISH LETTERS LIKE LTQGQ+???? LTBBTGQ???? LTGBQ??? LTGIGBQHDVQ9RWJ÷+_#%@>×:#>×:#>×:×>+/#??????? 🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡 NO IMNT TTOALLY NOT RUNNGING OUT OFB IDEAS SUT UP GAY!!!!!! STRAIGHT POWER!!!!!!! FUCKUDKC YOU!!! IM ETAING. MY BACON JERKUY!!!!!!!! S SBEHRGRGRGRGRRGGRGRGGRGRGRGR🤓😡🤓🤓😡🤓😡🤓😡🤓😡🤓😡🤓😡🤓😡🤓🤓😡😡🤓😡😡🤓😡🤓😡😡🤓😡🤓😡😡🤓😡😡🤓😡😡🤓😡🤓😡🤓😡🤓😡🤓😡🤓😡🤓😡🤓🤓

Well well well. You sick degenerate fuck. Somehow the gloriously wet fish fox wasn't enough for you. Understandable, if you don't like the cold, or scale texture. That's the opposite of what a Flareon offers. Being the fluffiest of the eevo line, they're the warmest and softest to snuggle with. That's even before taking into account their fire type aspect. If you've ever been annoyed at taking off your warm clothes to have fun, then this is the perfect partner for you. A Flareon will ensure you stay warm throughout the whole hot and bothersome experience. You could even comfortably play with your Flareon in a winter wonderland. Now that experience you've always dreamed of on the sparkly moonlit layer of fresh powder can be achieved. As much as a Vaporeon is godly, with its hp and defense for endurance and all that, it can't endure the cold too well. You'd have a sad frozen feeshpop QnQ! Flareon though. No bother at all. With an internal body temp of over 1000 degrees F, Flareon acts as a mobile campfire, keeping perfectly warm from head to tip to toes. Still like things a bit rough though? Don't worry. As soft as a Flareon can be, its attack is higher than other vees, so it can still be pretty rough if that's what you want. Watch out for that bite! Back on that internal body heat though, that can be a source of danger if you're not careful. An excited Flareon might lose control of it while you're inside it or it's inside you. Thankfully you can easily help keep them calm by petting their amazing floof. Something you'd likely already be doing just from the desirability of it alone. Indeed. Flareons are so amazing they almost deserve an entire website of their own. Maybe an OnlyFlares? Even if any other Eevo is your fav, almost everyone makes room for the firefox. They're just too great to leave out, even without the lood stuff considered. For example, snuggling one is the best way to browse the internet. The practical non lood uses of Flareon is one of the most versatile of any eevo. Just set a plate on their back and you can bake some mozzarella sticks. Mm. Mozzarella sticks and a firefox snuggle while browsing the internet. Now that's a perfect way to relax when taking a break from riding that big knotty hot rod.

Morbius intrigued me because of its underlying story that gave a thoughtful and pervasive comment on George Floyd’s death aswell as the holocaust. The story is a fresh take and can be compared to The Godfather, apocalypse now, and the emoji movie some of the all time classic of our generation. Rumor is that ray liottas actual cause of death was at his utter sexual thrills being met by the movie, he could not survive the morbussy. My morbussy was soaked by the time ended and everytime I finger myself now I will be thinking of the movie.

Hi everyone! I'm posting this on my throwaway because my friends know my main. Ok a little bit of background info. I (f) have been dating my current boyfriend for 5 months now and when we began dating, I swore I would never try anal. (He hadn't tried either). It always seemed gross and I was told it would hurt and there would be a mess. So that was a no go. Onto the story.

On Monday, we are taking a shower early in the morning and I bent down to grab my shampoo. He decided to put the tip of his finger in my ass. And to my surprise, I didn't hate it. We have a lengthy discussion about maybe trying it again then decide to go to a mall near us because he needed to find some new shoes. As we are there, he runs into a store and tells me to wait outside. This store is known to have funny gag gifts, cool t-shirts, and a whole lotta sex toys in the back. He comes out, hands me a bag, and starts walking. What's in the bag? Lube, a butt plug, and some toy cleaner. Well ok. We get home and try it out. After 10 minutes of him coaxing me and helping, we get it in. Not bad at all. We fool around with it in and eventually it's time I head to my place. The next day it's rinse and repeat. He puts it in, we fool around, I'm still enjoying it. That's on Tuesday. The next day we are once again in the shower and he brought the lube. We oil up and, boom. His dick is in my ass. Fully hard. He's a good 5.5 to 6 inches, and I'm absolutely losing my mind at how amazing it is. After a while, we finish up and that's that. Now it's the next day, Thursday, and I'm sitting on the toilet writing this. Was I lied to? Everyone said it would hurt so bad. That it would be such a mess unless I did anal douching or an enema. Yet there was no mess, no pain, just a bit of discomfort going in then absolutely fantastic sex. Also why did it take so little time for me to do it? I thought people needed toys for at least a few weeks before they could have anal. Has anyone else experienced this??