Esteemed gentlemen, I inform you with much joy in my spirit that I shall not be present on Discord this eve. I have arranged a meeting with a maiden (one whom is indisputably real) in exactly half an hour (I expect not for those reading this letter to understand such matters anyhow) therefore, I humbly request of you not to write to me inquiring as to my whereabouts (by the time you write to me I shall already be in the company of the mistress, understood) you can expect to find any letters you send turned to air as I shall be in the company of the mistress (once again, I expect not for you folk to understand) she truly is most smitten with me, therefore this affair is one I simply cannot refuse for the sake of a few measly Discord flapdoodles (as I shall be courting a maiden, not that ye would understand such matters) henceforth this shall become my life. One that involves actively seeking out the company of mistresses and refusing to allow my precious time dwindle to waste engaging in silly distractions such as the interweb, for I must take it upon myself to stray from such simple commodities so that I may expand my pastimes to those of greater value (ye would nigh understand)

Okay guys hear me out but what if you put a vacuum seal on your dick?

People use the water thing as torture but imagine trying to piss but not being able to because your dick is vacuum sealed away

And it hurts too because it's all constraining your dick and shit

Maybe the torturers would feed you viagra and have it be just barely too small just to torture you even more and rub your phat cock so that it is just trying and trying to get hard but cant because the vacuum seal is too small and probably filled with piss anyway

I mean personally id wait until the vacuum seal is full and then blast it off like one of those rocket science experiments from middle school but i understand if not everyone is skilled enough to empty their bladder in 0.02474 seconds like me (because of my high iq)

Anyway thanks for coming to my ted talk

Enriched Bleached Flour (Wheat Flower, Barley Malt, Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamin Mononitrate [Vitamin B1], Riboflavin [Vitamin B2], Folic Acid), Water, Sugar, Palm Oil, Palm And Soybean Oil With TBHQ And Citric acid to protect flavor, Dextrose, Yeast.

Contains 2% Or less of each of the following: Soy Flower, Nonfat Dry Milk, Dried Honey, Eggs, Cinnamon, Cocoa, wheat starch, Leavening (Baking Soda, Sodium Acid Pyrophosphate), Corn Starch, Mono- And Diglycerides, Soy Bean Oil, Salt, Calcium Stearoyl Lactylate, Calcium Carbonate, Agar, Titanium Dioxide, Calcium Sulfate, Preservatives (Calcium Propionate, Potassium Sorbate, Sorbic Acid), Citric Acid, Ascorbic acid, Calcium Peroxide, Amylase Enzymes, natural and artificial flavors, (Contains Lemon), Datem, Soy Lecithin, Annatto Extract, Turmeric.

Allergy information: Contains Wheat, Soy, Milk, Egg.

Contains a Bioengineered Food Ingredient.

After a long delay it's finally been announced. Morbius is going to be a 6 part series

Morbius

Morbius 2: more-bius

Morbius 3: even more-bius

Morbius 4: s'morebius (sponsored by Hershey's chocolate)

Morbius 5: one morbius time

Morbius 6: just when you thought there couldn't be morbius

FUCK YOU. I have heard that "lol you must be fun at parties" at least a hundred times. GET FUCKING ORIGINAL. Jesus fucking christ. Stop saying the same fucking thing over and over and over again. Just because you don't agree with me DOES NOT HAVE SHIT TO DO WITH PARTIES. What the fuck. Do you fucking fart at parties or something? If so I don't want to go to your shitty-ass parties in the first place. I'll stick to my wine and cheese dinners, you know, REAL FUCKING PARTIES. I downvoted you because not one thing you said was original. You're just a robot programmed to say these phrases over and over again to feel connected to 1s and 0s on the internet. You've never been to a party. That's why you say those things. WELL I'M FUCKING tired. of it. I'm tired. Say that to me one more fucking time and I will find you. I'm taking a stand. I am so sick of the stupid "parties" comeback. It's not fun. It's not clever. It's really fucking hurtful. Thanks a lot, dick. So what if you don't like what I said. Is that any reason to dismiss my entire comment and quote a little comeback. What's next, you're going to explain to me with crayons or call out my bullshit by how I overcomplicating things? If I see one more fucking party comment, I'm going to lose it. I'm going off the fucking chain and fucking report all you motherfuckers who think it's funny to comment about being fun at parties. Try me. I will do it. I will go STRAIGHT TO THE FUCKING TOP and then I'll be the one laughing while you beg for my mercy. Then you know what I'll say while you come to me crying and begging to die so you can stop the agony? I'll say "You must be fun at parties." So yeah, If you must know, I am pretty fun at parties. Not that you'll ever find out, dick.

dududu dudu du dududu du dududu dududu dudu du dududu du dududu dudu du du dududu du du dududu du du dududu du du du
shout to all my lost boys sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shouts to all my lost boys we rowdy shout to all my lost boys sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shouts to all my lost boys we rowdy shout to all my lost boys sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shouts to all my lost boys we rowdy shout to all my lost boys sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shouts to all my lost boys- BANGARANG (BASS) (WOW!) WUM WUM WUM BUDUH BOOWOW DUDU DUDUDUDUWOW BANGARANG (BMMM) (WOW!) WUM WUM WUM BUDUH BOOWOW DUDU DUDUDUDUWOW EEFEEDUH (BMMM) (WOW!) WUM WUM WUM BUDUH BOOWOW DUDU DUDUDUDUWOW BANGARANG (BMMM) (WOW!) WUM WUM WUM BUDUH BOOWOW DUDU DUDUDUDUWOW EEFEEDUH (BASS) (WOW!) WUM WUM WUM BUDUH BOOWOW DUDU DUDUDUDUWOW BANGARANG (BMMM) (WOW!) WUM WUM WUM BUDUH BOOWOW DUDU DUDUDUDUWOW EEFEEDUH (BMMM) (WOW!) WUM WUM WUM BUDUH BOOWOW DUDU DUDUDUDUWOW BANGARANG (BMMM) (WOW!) WUM WUM WUM BUDUH BOOWOW DUDU DUDUDUDUWOW EEFEEDUH (BASS) (WOW!)
\-lost boys sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shouts to all my lost boys we rowdy shout to all my lost boys sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shouts to all my lost boys (BANGARANG) shout to all my lost boys sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shouts to all my lost boys we rowdy shout to all my lost boys sh-sh-sh-sh-sh
(WAAAH, WAAAH) BANGARANG (BASS) WUM WUM OO WUM WEWEWEW WEWEWEWEW WUM WUM OO EEE WEWEWEWEWEEEEW WUM WUM OO WUM WEWEWEW WEWEWEWEW WEE OO A WUM AH EEFEEDUH WUM WUM OO WUM WEWEWEW WEWEWEWEW WUM WUM OO EEE WEWEWEWEWEEEEW WUM WUM OO WUM WEWEWEW WEWEWEWEW WEE OO A WUM AH EEFEEDUH WUM WRRRRRR WUM WEWEWEW WEWEWEWEWEWEW WUM WRRRRRR EEE WEWEWEWEWEEEEW WUM WRRRRRR WUM WEWEWEW WEWEWEWEWEWEW WEE OO A WUM AH EEFEEDUH WUM WRRRRRR WUM WEWEWEW WEWEWEWEWEWEW WUM WRRRRRR EEE WEWEWEWEWEEEEW WUM WRRRRRR WUM WEWEWEW WEWEWEWEWEWEW WEE OO A BANGARANG (BASS)
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM (shout to all my lost boys sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shouts to all my lost boys we rowdy shout to all my lost boys sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shouts to all my lost boys-) BANGARANG WOW! WOW! dududu dudu du dududu du dududu dududu dudu du dududu du dududu dududu dudu du dududu du dududu dududu dudu du dududu du dududu shout to all my lost boys sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shouts to all my lost boys we rowdy shout to all my lost boys sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shouts to all my lost boys we rowdy shout to all my lost boys sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-shouts to all my lost boys-
BANGARANG (BASS) WUM WUM OO WUM WEWEWEW WEWEWEWEW WUM WUM OO EEE WEWEWEWEWEEEEW WUM WUM OO WUM WEWEWEW WEWEWEWEW WEE OO A WUM AH EEFEEDUH WUM WUM OO WUM WEWEWEW WEWEWEWEW WUM WUM OO EEE WEWEWEWEWEEEEW WUM WUM OO WUM WEWEWEW WEWEWEWEW WEE OO A WUM AH EEFEEDUH (WOW!) WUM WUM WUM BUDUH BOOWOW DUDU DUDUDUDUWOW BANGARANG (BMMM) (WOW!) WUM WUM WUM BUDUH BOOWOW DUDU DUDUDUDUWOW EEFEEDUH (BMMM) (WOW!) WUM WUM WUM BUDUH BOOWOW DUDU DUDUDUDUWOW BANGARANG (BMMM) (WOW!) WUM WUM WUM BUDUH BOOWOW DUDU DUDUDUDUWOW EEFEEDUH (BASS)

still ain't got my marbles but i got deez beats coming out the back of my toy car
ayo, i'm eating fun dip right now
not giving a fuck

mwa

Guys, you can copy the text on mobile by just clicking the 3 dots in the top right corner of the post and then selecting the option to copy text. You do not need to ask in the comments. I only use Reddit on mobile and always used this function but I always see people asking for it in the comments so I just wanted to let you all know this helpful information as well :)

I did not think this through and I am now in great pain.

Story on how this happened: While I was left home alone because my parents went to the store, I got bored and started browsing reddit then came across a meme about virgin olive oil and how a boy tried to unvirgin it by busting a nut in it and so then I thought: how hard could it be for me to do this?

I went to the kitchen and found a bottle of extra virgin olive oil and the bottle looked enough like a dildo so I started masturbating with it but then I only realised that the bottle was being unvirgined and not the olive oil itself, not satisfied I decided to try and mix the oil with my pussy juices in attempt to fully unvirgin the oil so that I would have normal olive oil but this is where I fucked up. I assumed I could just use a funnel to pour all of it back into the bottle but there was significantly less in the bottle than what I remember and I started to feel a weird sensation. Then I realised that for whatever reason it was sticky and hard to remove, desperate to get rid of the olive oil that stuck to my insides I tried using a tampon to collect the unvirgined oil then squeeze it back into the bottle but this only somewhat worked and I'm 98% sure I am probably going to get some kind of infection from this and I don't know how to tell my gynaecologist about this.

TL;DR Stupidity and horniness got the better of me and I decided to try and unvirgin the olive oil which led to my most painful masturbation session so far.

*On the bright side I'm probably now infertile.*

Connection terminated. I'm sorry to interrupt you, Elizabeth, if you still even remember that name, But I'm afraid you've been misinformed. You are not here to receive a gift, nor have you been called here by the individual you assume, although, you have indeed been called. You have all been called here, into a labyrinth of sounds and smells, misdirection and misfortune. A labyrinth with no exit, a maze with no prize. You don't even realize that you are trapped. Your lust for blood has driven you in endless circles, chasing the cries of children in some unseen chamber, always seeming so near, yet somehow out of reach, but you will never find them. None of you will. This is where your story ends. And to you, my brave volunteer, who somehow found this job listing not intended for you, although there was a way out planned for you, I have a feeling that's not what you want. I have a feeling that you are right where you want to be. I am remaining as well. I am nearby. This place will not be remembered, and the memory of everything that started this can finally begin to fade away. As the agony of every tragedy should. And to you monsters trapped in the corridors, be still and give up your spirits. They don't belong to you. For most of you, I believe there is peace and perhaps more waiting for you after the smoke clears. Although, for one of you, the darkest pit of Hell has opened to swallow you whole, so don't keep the devil waiting, old friend. My daughter, if you can hear me, I knew you would return as well. It's in your nature to protect the innocent. I'm sorry that on that day, the day you were shut out and left to die, no one was there to lift you up into their arms the way you lifted others into yours, and then, what became of you. I should have known you wouldn't be content to disappear, not my daughter. I couldn't save you then, so let me save you now. It's time to rest - for you, and for those you have carried in your arms. This ends for all of us. End communication.

I served in Hamas for 3 years. IDF Jewesses would swing down from the ceiling and grab one of our martyrs with their fat thighs, then they'd take turns smothering him with their demonic abarahamic mamaries. It was horrible. Why do you think we grow beards? it's so we can survive an IDF boob attack.

It's been two whole weeks since I killed me a man and already I'm starting to get the itch, problem is I ain't got nothin' to scratch,
God I'm hungry.... Hungry for action... Hungry for blood... Hell... I'm just plain ole' hungry.......
Feelin' I'm getting weaker, while Charlie's growing stronger in the jungle,
I can't lose my edge, I gotta keep my strength up, I gotta maintain discipline... Because the hard reality was... I gotta get a job,
And what better place... Than somewhere that would allow me to employ my skills.. As a trained killer...

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Our jared

Who art in Morbven

Hollow be thy Morb

Thy Morben come

Thou Morbi done

On earth as it is in Morbius

Give us this day are daily Morb

And forgive those who rated it a 1 star

As we forgive those who Morb-i-us against us

And lead us into Morbsterbation

But deliver us from Jared Letto

So I decided to check his search history as a joke to see what stupid stuff he looked up. I expected to see funny stuff but instead of that I saw "Big dick black shemale fucks lucky guy" WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO

Before I begin my actual comment, I would like to apologize in advance for my inadequate level of English proficiency. I am not a native speaker of the world's current lingua franca which unfortunately leads to me making numerous embarrassing mistakes being made whenever I attempt to communicate using this language. Whenever I am reminded of how I lack the ability to convey my thoughts in an eloquent manner I feel as though I have committed a cardinal sin, as though every English teacher in the world are simultaneously shaking their heads and sighing due to how utterly disappointed they are at me.


Although I know that saying sorry to those of you who are reading my comment will not change the fact that I fail miserably to write and speak perfect English, I am writing this as a way to deter a certain type of people who cannot stand poor English (Also known informally as "Grammar Nazis") from mocking me by posting unwanted and unnecessary comments detailing my every blunder. In my humble opinion, making grammatical errors should be perfectly acceptable as native speakers should not expect non-native speakers to be able to communicate in their second or third languages eloquently. If you are able to completely understand what the other person wrote, is there really a problem with what they've written? No, because the entire concept of communication is the exchange of information between other intelligent beings, which means that no matter how the exchange of information is made, as long as the information is accurately shared there is not a fundamental issue with their ability to communicate. To see it in another way, remember that someone who isn't fluent in English is fluent in another language. When you think about it this way, isn't it impressive for someone to speak a second language in any capacity? Having empathy and respect are qualities that are sorely missing for far too many people these days, especially on the internet.


That being said, I am aware that not all netizens who correct others are doing it to ridicule and shame. There are some who do so with the intent to help others improve and grow. However, displaying the failures of other people publicly will cause the person who is criticized to feel negative emotions such as shame and sadness due to the fact that their mistake has been made obvious which severely undermines the point they were trying to make in spite of their unfamiliarity with the English language. In most circumstances people are not looking for language help when they post anything online. Most people just want to enjoy themselves and have a good time on the internet which is why I would not encourage correcting other people regardless of your intentions. If you really do want to help others with their spelling or grammar, I would highly recommend you to help via messaging privately because not only will you not embarrass anyone, you can also go more in-depth with your explanation which I'm sure the other person will greatly appreciate if they want help, but I digress. I know that I've written a bit of an essay, but I hope I've made my points clear. Anyways, here is the comment I wanted to make:


Lol

Candice dick fit in your mouth, son?

**dabs**

when jarad letto (playd by the famous michal morb) sayd "its morbin' time" i transcended in a golden ray of light vaporizing into an all_knowing being only capable of watching the hit 2020 film morbious (staring michal letto) and righting on rooton tomato (gave 4 stares for the loss of life in the theater as i acended) in this review i will go over 5 main pints 1: characters 2: setting 3: story 4: the quadratic equation. first characters,,<> morbussy si my hero hes so edgy when he sayd "its morbin time" there where others too but the funny gas made it hard to see them second setting,,<> the setting was ok i guess but the chairs wernt' varry comfy and there where lots of small children in the seats next to me 3nd story,, <> WATHC THE FUCIN' MOVE 4nd,, <> (-b±√(b²-4ac))/(2a) (i lerned that on kan acadamy) fith,,<> known innocently enough as "the huggy wuggy game" final fantacy 7 taught me many life, staring michal as freddy fazbear in the hit 2020 movie "jared morb" staring morbious 2.1 wuggy wuggy poppy playtime morbd so hard on all my family and friends i think my egg has been poached sufficiently to start morbing my bacon. final thoghts it was the best thing to happen to me in my 27 of being live!

For context our school went on a two day trip and we were staying in a hotel. I(14yrM) was in a two bed room with my friend(14yrM).I went out to hang out with some other friends while he stayed alone in the room. He then started violently jerking off and he nutted on a table where the tv was. Coincidentally that is also where my keys were and when I reached out to grab them I noticed that the table was very sticky and covered in some transparent substance. When I touched it I knew that was undoubtedly cum. I later found a paper towel containing the exact same substance that was on the table. I later confronted him and he said that yes this is his cum and that he was very horny. I shared the situation with our class group chat at it became the most talked subject for a couple of days

I was at Target walking near the toy aisle and I had to drop an especially sick fart, I could feel my stomach gurgling in the lead up and I knew it was going to be no bueno. Well, just as I’m laying down this fireball, a little girl rides by on one of the store’s bikes from the toy aisle. The frame being plastic, the thing almost instantly begins to melt and warp from the heat, and pretty soon she cuts an involuntary hard left and eats it into an entire shelf of liquid soap. She’s crying from the fall, but she’s also gagging from the fart and yelling, ‘what is that smell? Why is this happening?’ in between dry heaves. I made a quick exit before anyone pinned the deed on me, but as I was walking out I noticed they had Speed on blu ray for five dollars, so I ended up grabbing that. All in all a productive trip to the store.