Stuck a vacuum up my vagina...

So, I was so horny last night and being a teen, I've tried putting things up my vagina to get off with. Last night I had the bad idea of sticking a vacuum head up there and turning it on.

Holy Mother it hurt so bad! I don't know what I was thinking, and now my vagina burns, like deep inside. I dont know what to do?

There is no bleeding but it just stings, similar to like a carpet burn on your skin, but inside me. Any advice on what I should do to make this feel better? I cant tell my mom I need to see a doctor because I stuck a vacuum up my vjay.

Any help is appreciated.

So, I was so horny last night and being a teen, I've tried putting things up my vagina to get off with. Last night I had the bad idea of sticking a vacuum head up there and turning it on.

Holy Mother it hurt so bad! I don't know what I was thinking, and now my vagina burns, like deep inside. I dont know what to do?

There is no bleeding but it just stings, similar to like a carpet burn on your skin, but inside me. Any advice on what I should do to make this feel better? I cant tell my mom I need to see a doctor because I stuck a vacuum up my vjay.

Any help is appreciated.

So my lady friend and I were doing the ole horizontal tango, and she was in the middle of polishing the candle stick, if you will. I had her love sacks in my face and was licking the cherry off the ice cream Sunday, if you know what I mean. Then suddenly my mom burst through the locked door (it makes sense because we play a game where we act like mission impossible characters and stealthily pick locks then burst in to rooms and say "mission accomplished") right as the swim team was jumping off the high dive, as they say. So right as my girlfriend finished icing the cake all over her face my mom was like "mission accomplished!"...


It was so awkward, especially since the archbishop is supposed to come over for dinner tonight and my mom's whole book club saw my girlfriend run out of the room naked in embarrassment with the ole DNA squirt squad still on her face, and one thought it was coffee creamer so put some in her latte.


I'll never live this down!

Happy 420 you STONER SKANK💅🏽!!! Make sure a BLUNT🌳🌳🌳 isn't the only thing you wrap your TENDER LIPS👄👅 🍒around today😏. Get HIGH 💨💨💨today and get your mans DICK🍆🍆😋😝 even HIGHER😍💦💦. Make sure you SWALLOW 😮😮that edible to practice ❤️❤️❤️SWALLOWING😻🙌🏽👅 a monster cock! Remember: the only way to make 4️⃣2️⃣0️⃣ even BETTER 😫😫😫is by adding 6️⃣9️⃣! Send this to all of your stoner sluts👀👀👀. If you get NONE back you get stoned to death😵😲! If you get 5 back your a HOT lil nug🌳🍁. If you get 20 back you're the ULTIMATE STONER SLUT 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

- We need to talk about your balls.

(pool balls clacking)

Are they smooth, or covered
in bits of annoying fluff?

(blows)

These are my balls.

See how they glisten in the light?

Your balls can be like these,

but you got to use the
right tools for the job.

This? No.

This? No.

This? Only if that's what you're into.

Balls are delicate,
sensitive, easy to damage.

Someone's taken a chunk out of that one.

That's why I use The Lawn Mower® 4.0.

It's got SkinSafe® Technology

with a replaceable ceramic blade

so you can trim with confidence.

It's got an LED light

so you can always see what you're doing.

Lights please!

And what's more, it's got
a wireless charging system

and it's waterproof.

You can even drop it in your pint.

(beer fizzing)

You wouldn't want to drink it though.

It's got pubes in it.

The MANSCAPED™ Lawn Mower® is trusted

by over two million men worldwide.

That's over four million balls.

So why don't you join them

and use the right tools for the job

because when it comes to balls,

you don't want to muck about.

(pool balls clacking)

- [Narrator] Go to manscaped.com

and check out the all new Lawn Mower® 4.0

and receive free shipping.

Penises are so adorable omg (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄ when you hold one in your hand and it starts to move it's like it's caressing you (/ω＼) or when they stand up and look at you like "owo nya? :3c" hehe \\\~ penis-kun is happy to see me!!（＾ワ＾)

Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masturbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masturbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW.

I’ve become so much like Bruce Wayne it’s scary. I wear black clothes, verbally assault autists, and physically assault poor people. When I look in the mirror I can’t help but say, “Im vengeance, I'm vengeance”. Which means “batman” in American. I grew my hair out because I don’t care anymore. So now I have to let it fall all over my eyes, and I don’t care what people think SO SHUT THE FUCK UP ALFRED. I always leave eyeliner on my eyes and go out of my way to show everyone to remind them that I am in control. When I creep on couples in their bedrooms, I get mad at them for not being vengeful like I am. I can’t have sex with my girlfriend anymore without forcing them to dress as Catwoman or Poison Ivy. When I go to get fast food I refuse to call them Happy Meals and I insist on calling them vengeance meals. I just keep PUSHING MYSELF forward, until Gotham's enemies are hospitalized for life.

So, I know this is a weird question, but my boyfriend likes to spend a lot of his free time digging a tunnel on some property that he inherited. I haven't seen the full extent of it, but last I saw it was remarkably deep under the surface. He's spent roughly a year on it, and it's evident. The front of the thing is deep, wide, well put together. At the front, which is the only part that I've seen, he's got cement beams, electric lights, even chairs and a small table. I haven't gone into it, but it looked like the quality severely dropped as the tunnel went further, mostly becoming open dirt with some wood beams holding it up.

My biggest concern is his safety, I'm really worried that he's going to dig too deep and it'll collapse on him or something. I've tried voicing this concern to him, but he just laughs it off and assures me that he'll be fine. Aside from safety concerns, there's also the fact that he doesn't really have a social life, because of this thing. I'm pretty much the only person he still talks to outside of his job, and he doesn't go out and do anything anymore. It used to be that he'd occasionally head out and do some digging on the weekends, but now he spends almost all of his free time out there. He still comes home, but he barely spends any time with me, and I know that he isn't doing anything but digging that damn hole in the ground. This can't be good for his mental health, but I don't know how to convince him to stop. He's always really happy when he comes back from digging, which is why I haven't seriously tried to stop him before, but I was talking to a friend about him, and she told me he might be going crazy. Obviously I don't think he's insane, but I hadn't considered the mental health aspect of this, and I just don't know what to do.

TLDR: Boyfriend spends all of his time digging a tunnel, and I'm worried for both his physical and mental health

So I (39F) have a son (15M) and he brought a friend round today.

They immediately went to their room and I assumed they would just play some video games or whatever so I was totally fine leaving them.

It was about 30 minutes in when I was walking past, I heard sounds such as 'Omg that's so good' and 'Its so good with that in it' and various 'mmmm' sounds.

It really sounded like they were having gay sex, I was super weirded out by it so I quickly went downstairs and waited for his friend to leave. When this friend left an hour or two later I asked my son what they were doing in his room (because although I don't mind him being gay, and ik it's normal for teenagers to have sex, a condom really should be used) so I planned to confront him about that.

However the answer shocked me to my very core. They weren't having sex, they were _eating hummus_.

I was shocked, and initially didn't believe it. We had never had hummus before and I asked him to show me the hummus if this was true. So he did, and I ate hummus for the first time, and oh my god was it good. We experimented with different things in it like bread and carrots and it was great. Apparently his friend had heard about how he had never had hummus before and thought this was absurd so had planned a date for a hummus party.

So yeah, it ended up being quite a good ending, i discovered how nice hummus was.


TLDR: Thought my son was having gay sex, he just really liked hummus.

So I (39F) have a son (15M) and he brought a friend round today.

They immediately went to their room and I assumed they would just play some video games or whatever so I was totally fine leaving them.

It was about 30 minutes in when I was walking past, I heard sounds such as 'Omg that's so good' and 'Its so good with that in it' and various 'mmmm' sounds.

It really sounded like they were having gay sex, I was super weirded out by it so I quickly went downstairs and waited for his friend to leave. When this friend left an hour or two later I asked my son what they were doing in his room (because although I don't mind him being gay, and ik it's normal for teenagers to have sex, a condom really should be used) so I planned to confront him about that.

However the answer shocked me to my very core. They weren’t having sex, they were eating hummus.

I was shocked, and initially didn't believe it. We had never had hummus before and I asked him to show me the hummus if this was true. So he did, and I ate hummus for the first time, and oh my god was it good. We experimented with different things in it like bread and carrots and it was great. Apparently his friend had heard about how he had never had hummus before and thought this was absurd so had planned a date for a hummus party.

So yeah, it ended up being quite a good ending, i discovered how nice hummus was.


TLDR: Thought my son was having gay sex, he just really liked hummus.

Me:

-see title

-smirks

-finds a lube

-lock door

-unzip pants

-gets comfortable

-play video with excitement

-see video

-disappointed

-sighs

-jerks anyway

-feel more satisfied and pleasure then jerking to porn

-write experience in comment

-smirks again

-post

tw school and dreamphobia. please stay safe.

today at school my friend said she didn't like Dream. i was so angry. i got up in front of the class and said “You may not like Dream, but he saved my life. i was at my lowest point, but his channel saved me. sorry if that's not good enough for you.” and then everyone started to clap slowly and my teacher made her go to guidance. my teacher held me after class and said “I love Dream too.” needless to say, I got an A+ in the class.

Yester day I took at $8,267,573,456 loan from the bank to buy Pokémon cards, and I spent it all on buying hidden fates booster packs and premium collections and elite trainer boxes and biuld and battle stadiums and oh god I’m $173,383,838,108,847,749,639 dollars in debt. I can’t pay that off oh gif I shit fuck OH MY GOD IS THAT THE $568 POKÉMON CELEBRATIONS ULTRA PREMIUM COLLECTION I bought 700 of them. Fuck, I’ll never be able to open them now. I have 28 $500,000 cards and my mom told me to sell them to pay off my massive debt to the bank wtf shut the fuck up mom I’m keeping my 1st edition shadowless base set shiny charizard PSA 10 you dumb fuck. I think I’m going to migrate to Siberia and build should from all my bulk energy Pokémon cards and eat my reverse holos as food for the rest of my life, while I order 50 booster boxes once a day so that my Pokémon card addiction will be fed and kept sterile HOLY SHIT ASTRAL RADIENCE WAS RELEASED IN WAL MART I bought 10’000 booster boxes. Shit shit I’m in billions of dollars of debt. I have 80,000,000 dollars worth of bulk cards should I sell them NO. All you liberals saying I’m destroying the Pokémon economy can suck my balls and I’m going to take another loan from the bank I think I’ll take $10000000000090 so I can buy the new astral radience v boxes FUCK 27 MEN IN PIKACHU ONSIES JUST BROKE INTO MY HOUSE AND ARE NOW DRIZZILING HONEY ON MY FACE AND BEATING ME UP NO MY POKÉMON CARDS

yk the cum bar where you can drink cum right? so i was going down to the cum bar to drink my daily dose of cum, when suddenly, a group of people come out, drenched in cum. i was wondering like, 'hey man, wtf did they do, thats a waste of good cum', so i go in to investigate, and i see like 27 people getting railed all at once by one guy, and the sight of it made my dick go hard and start cumming all over the place. the guy, who was currently railing a femboy, said, "hey, its our monthly milking day, we need some good cum to keep the bar stocked yk, line up with your ass in the air and ill get to you soon", and i couldnt resist right, so i lined up and i immediately came buckets the second the guy inserted his dick in my ass"

the kicker is that the second he was done, all the cum inside my ass, and the cum that i busted out, got immediately drank by that guy, and he then just ran away! turns out there wasn't even a milking day, that guy was just able to convince all of us to bend over and let him cum inside us while we all also came. 9/10, would go again

My wife poops in the shower and stomps it down the drain. Not a joke. She recently told me this and I've been living with it for weeks now. She even broke the news to me while laughing about it. "You know what a waffle stomp is?", she asked me as she laughed and laughed so hard she started crying! I feel disgusted and betrayed. I can't even look at her over breakfast anymore before I head off to work and while at work all I can do is wonder to myself, 'is she doing it right now?'. Apparently this has been going on for years! Says she uses all the scented candles she obsessively buys online to mask the smell. I work 12- 15 hour days so plenty of time to cover her shit stink. A few times we've had to snake the drain due to a clog. Now I know why. I'm not sure I can live this life anymore.

Ok so a couple of days ago I saw on a server a meme that basically said "weebs when I tell them that being a "porn addict" is not being cultured" and a picture of a baby crying...... OK so I get that this is a meme and It looks pathethic of me to take it seriously but, and sorry for repeating myself, seriously having a "porn" addiction can be considered as being "cultured" or "a man of culture" by some , I mean, have you seen some hentai's animations?? top tier, better than some mainstream animes not gonna lie, and also the stories in some of them, they are just so touching and sometimes really tought out, besides, what is culture even? There is no definitive answer, culture can be interpreted in many different ways, such as, hentai or porn, this being japanese culture

aside from porn obv. god are they ever virtue signaling drama wanting cunts. dont get me wrong i do love a good pair of tits but close your fucking mouth you fucking garbage spewer.

not a woman hater. jut hate their unsolicited opinions on just about everything. they ruin life

| swear all she does all day is masterbate and
masterbate, it sounds like she's mixing mac n
cheese and you can hear it throughout the whole
fucking house. My mom has been complaining to
her but my sisterjust started going louder and
louder. Worst part is my computer is in her room so
everyday | have to go in there and see herjust
fucking DEMOLISHING her pussy, juices flying
everywhere! and then i say, "hey maybe out down a
towel to keep clean atleast," BUT SHE JUST
FUCKING IGNORES ME. | cant stand living here
honestly. Yesterday when | went to go use my
computer it was absolutely drenched in herjuices,
and she stained atleast 6 of my shirts by now. And
all my friends at school tease me, "haha haha tobias
got his sister's grool on his shirt," "girlcum tobias"
has become my nickname. i hate it!

I've watched several films depicting Spanish bukkakes. And I must say, Spanish bukkakes are some of the best. They seem more authentic than other bukkakes (American bukkakes use lots of fake cum). How common are bukkakes among Spaniards who aren't in the adult film industry? For instance, do they occur organically? Meaning if you were at a party that wasn't advertised as a bukkake, would there be a chance it would turn into a bukkake at some point in the night? Are bukkakes only common at adult clubs? And some of the bukkakes (not 100% sure of they were Spanish) I've seen have taken place at a beach. Do they ever occur at beaches in Spain?