I've come 🈁 to ✌ make 💦 an 👏 announcement, Shadow 👤 the 👘 Hedgehog's a 👌💰 bitch-ass 🖕 motherfucker! 😤😡 He 👨 pissed 🚽💦 on ➖ my 👨 fucking 💦💞 wife! 👩 That's 🔇🚟 right, ➡ he took 🤚 his 💦 hedgehog fuckin' quilly dick 🍆🍆 out and 😱👏 he 🤣🦁 pissed 😥🚽 on my ✡👧 FUCKING 🏾 wife, 👩 and he 🏾👉 said his 👁👨 dick was 👏 "thiiis big", 💪😩 and I 👦 said "that's 🙇😩 disgusting"! So I'm making 👩 a callout post 🖕😉 on 🔛😢 my Twitter.com! 🚟 Shadow the Hedgehog, you 👈 got a 🐙👌 small 👌👌 dick, it's 😨 the size of this 😂 walnut except 😮 way ☝ smaller, and 🌰➕ guess 🤔💁 what? Here's 📍 what 😂❔ my 🏿 dong looks 👀 like! ❤🔫 (A large chunk 💇💇 of 🔴☝ rock is 😯🔥 blown 🤧🤧 off of 👏🔥 the 😞 nearby moon, 🌛🌗 revealing 👀👀 a 🏖😤 gargantuan superweapon resembling Robotnik's face 😩 with 🙌 a long nose.) 💰 That's ☝ right, ✔ baby. 👼 Tall points, 💯💯 no ❌ quills, no 🏼 pillows... Look 👀👀 at 👨👒 that, 🚟 it 🐐🍆 looks 👉👉 like 🤣💖 two 💏🐤 balls 😱🤗 and a 👏 bong! 🈸😲 He 🦊👨 fucked my 🍽 wife, 🏻 so guess what, 👂😕 I'm gonna ❓🏼 fuck the 👏 earth! 🌎🌎 That's 👅 right, 🌈🍕 this 🤔 is 💯💦 what 😤❔ you 💯 get! My 😎😺 SUPER 💙🔥 LASER PISS! (The 😩 superweapon fires.) Except 😮😮 I'm 👁💕 not 🚫 gonna 🍆🍆 piss on 😌🔛 the ⛓ earth! 🌎 I'm gonna 👸😫 go ♂ higher. 🔝✅ I'm pissing on the ⏲⏩ MOOOON! (The moon 🌃 is 💦 promptly destroyed by 🏳😈 the 🅱 superweapon.) How 🙏♥ do you like 👍👍 that, 👆 Obama? I PISSED 🚽 ON 🔛😩 THE 👨 MOON, 🌗 YOU IDIOT! 🙃💢 You ☝🚫 have twenty-three 🎊 hours 🏿🕑 before 🍑 the 😞 piss 🍆💦 d-r-r-r-r-roplets 🤔🤢 hit 🍆 the 🚗🏻 fucking 👌 earth, 🌎 now 🕒 get 🖕 out 💦 of 😳 my 😩 fucking 💦 sight 👀 before 🍑 I piss on you 💯☝ too! 👌🙄

I slept poorly last night and worked a full day I just wanted to go home and crash in my comfy bed where it is cool and dark, but the office cleaning lady came in and started blowing me so we had to fuck. Then, I decide to Uber home instead of the bus so no one would want to fuck but of course the Uber girl needed some meat pipe. She dropped me off after we fucked and I almost made it to my porch when the dog from up the street came running up and of course wanted to fuck so that was another 20 minutes. On the porch my cat was there and wanted to fuck, who am I to say no? I go inside, thankful that I made it inside where it is safe, but I forgot about the fishtank, so I had to fuck the fish each one individually and they exploded of course, because they are tiny fish, I mean it isn't like I'm hung large or anything, but even a regular size peen can destroy a fish I mean just imagine. On the way upstairs I noticed the turtle topiary and the turtle was ready to fuck, so that happened. Finally, I made it to bed and someone had put a rolled up raw steak in my bed and my peen fit just right into it, so it got fucked. I dozed off after nutting into the steak and slept like a baby, which I fucked in my dream and was sent to jail where I was fucked by a bunch of inmates, but instead of inmates they were cleaning ladies, uber drivers, dogs, cats, turtles and fish thusly the circle was complete.

Among Us, or the alternative title: The Paddington 2 of video games.

Since Lang forced me recommended me Among Us, I tried it out and...

Among Us is the best video game I ever played. Spiritfarer, Mass Effect 2, Resistance 3, Driver SF, CoD World at War, BioShock Infinite, none of them are as good as Among Us.

The gameplay is so fluid, smooth, it's like olive oil on a pan. The animations are stellar like Pixar. The artstyle is better than almost all video games ever singlehandedly. The story of how the impostor is sus is better than the entirety of The Last of Us. The music made me cry. Amogus amogus amogus amogus amogus amogus.

10/10, definitive masterpiece, please play it or I'll be dead.

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I have something to admit. I'm sexually attracted to Thwomps. They are the most dominant, masculine creatures ever thought up by mankind. And the sound they make is so beautiful. EH-UNGH. Music to my ears. I often fantasize about stepping out of my shower naked and suddenly being crushed by a thwomp, killing me instantly.

Sigh. You know, Orange, with "Annoying" in your name, the bar was already set pretty low. But regardless of how uncreative and unsubstantial your recent content that you've been pumping out is, you've still been able to maintain an audience of ten million subscribers, easily getting 100,000 views each video, making an estimated $14,000 a day. That, on top of lucrative merchandising deals, Halloween costumes, and even a television show on a major network. So forgive me for not being sympathetic towards a "very small studio" with a creator with a net worth of estimated $8,000,000, claiming what they're engaging in is good for small creators, especially when what you're engaging in burns more energy than what most people would burn in a lifetime, greatly damaging the environment. And for what? A few quick bucks and a 4K rendering of a video that most people have forgotten about? Which, by the way, can be downloaded by just inspecting the page and downloading the file? What's most sad about this is what you represent to many people, which is a simpler time in their childhood when creators created just to create. Not for money, not for financial gain, but just because they enjoyed what they did. What you're doing now is not that. As much as you'd like to think so, you're not the small creator you once were. You're a multi-million-dollar franchise, and what you're doing is more damaging than it is good. If you care so much about small creators, you have the platform to change their lives. Give them exposure, instead of using them as a shield to hide your own greed. But I know none of this means anything to you. So keep doing what you're doing. Keep sharing articles to help you feel better about what you're doing. But know at the end of the day, that what you're doing is not the actions of a small creator doing what they do because they love it. It's the actions of a corporation trying to make a quick buck. Go fuck yourself.

To find out why anime memes simply aren’t funny, we must first find out why memes are funny. Some memes are a reference to a certain franchise, which tend to receive a great response from a specific group of people, usually the ones who are into the franchise. These include Star Wars memes and Reddit memes. These memes also sometimes have a relatable topic (eg: when you stub your toe with a picture of a screaming Elon musk or something idk) that makes other people think “oh yeah that happens to me too haha” and connects this feeling of being the same with another individual with humor. If the picture is random and seems to express a strong exaggerated emotion, it may or may not provoke a greater reaction from a “surreal” emotion and circumstance that still hits so close to home.

Now what do anime memes lack compared to normal memes? First of all is the “first impression”

You may have heard of this term from interviews. Despite interviews and memes having barely any similarities, this plays into psychology, as does most research into humor. The original deep-rooted impression that anime is cringe, which in turn give a bad impression of anime memes, a part of anime, which lowers anime’s reputation even more, a cycle. This is an interesting phenomenon I will dub “virgous cycle”, a play of words with “virgin”(weebs) and “vicious cycle”.

Apart from this, what key difference could there be? This drags us back to what I hadn’t finished earlier: relatable scenarios. Some unscientific studies show that relatable memes of common daily scenarios gain high approval in the form of exhaling air. Nearly NO anime memes have this, instead having unrealistic scenarios like, well, anime. Who on Reddit or similar social media platforms would have a social life, much less a romantic partner? The mere idea is scoffable. What foolishness, such unrealistic wishful thinking!

But you may say, “but not all memes are like this! How about dark jokes or something? How about reaction memes? How about memes including celebrities?” Well, anime memes have exactly none of those. Dark jokes in anime form, paralleling jokes like “i am in your walls” would make the anime community seem worse, ruining their reputation even faster (not that it matters anyway it’s declining so fast already). Reaction memes are possible, but the anime community believes that they are old and unfunny (which is true, but it’s better than what’s being made now) and memes involving celebrities would appear to be an extra obvious attempt to directly mimic previously successful memes of celebs, and a weeb with no life probably wouldn’t be familiar with real people, needless to consider celebs. That leaves only the cringiest possible meme-mold that an anime meme has to follow the structure of.

Is that it? No, there’s one meme type we missed out on. Ah, surreal memes! “Wednesday” is a vastly popular one, maybe the unrealistic-ness of anime will aid it! Maybe? Please? Nope. Surreal memes are the absolute peak of randomness, one type that follows no restrictions, allowing it to roam freely and enter the “humor zone” easily. Most animes however all seem to have one thing in common: willpower? Wait, no, friendship? Also maybe romance? As you can see, these limit the possibilities of surreal memes to such a small area that they lose their surrealism. Not relatable nor surreal, anime is in a horrendous spot for humor.

Also sussy amogussy 😳😳😳🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤😳🤤😳🤤😫😫😫🥵🥵🥵

Seriously though. I've been out there doing what must be done and making sure the fat women/BBW's in my community are sexually satisfied for almost a decade! Where's my awards? My praise? My encouraging words?

I'm the one out here risking my life having 400lb chonkers sit on my face until they cum. I could die and almost have a number of times due to lack of oxygen or having my ribs crushed from them riding me. I'm not complaining too much because it's hot but BE HONEST y'all would look at me, a skinny ass dude funny if you saw me with one of my big framed ladies or call me a fucking pervert or tell me I'm objectifying or fetishizing them or some other bullshit.

Yet one skinny bitch fucks a fat dude and you're all "YAS SLAY KWEEN!"

Fuck you guys.

Edit: Thanks for the awards, love and support and the DM's from big women. I'll gladly chat with any of you big gals 18+ and 250lbs and up only please. Thank you.

I hate Mola Mola Fish

Disclaimer, I care about marine life more than I care about anything else, for real. Except this big dumb idiot. And it’s not like an ~ironic~ thing, I mean it IS hilarious to me and they ARE THE BIGGEST JOKE PLAYED ON EARTH but I seriously fucking hate them. THE MOLA MOLA FISH (OR OCEAN SUNFISH) They are the world’s largest boney fish, weighing up to 5,000 pounds. And since they have very little girth, that just makes them these absolutely giant fucking dinner plates that God must have accidentally dropped while washing dishes one day and shrugged his shoulders at because no one could have imagined this would happen. AND WITH NO PURPOSE. EVERY POUND OF THAT IS A WASTED POUND AND EVERY FOOT OF IT (10 FT BY 14 FT) IS WASTED SPACE. They are so completely useless that scientists even debate about how they move. They have little control other than some minor wiggling. Some say they must just push water out of their mouths for direction (?????). They COULD use their back fin EXCEPT GUESS WHAT IT DOESNT FUCKING GROW. It just continually folds in on itself, so the freaking cells are being made, this piece of floating garbage just doesn’t put them where they need to fucking go. So they don’t have swim bladders. You know, the one thing that every fish has to make sure it doesn’t just sink to the bottom of the ocean when they stop moving and can stay the right side up. This creature. That can barely move to begin with. Can never stop its continuous tour of idiocy across the ocean or it’ll fucking sink. EXCEPT. EXCEPT. When they get stuck on top of the water! Which happens frequently! Because without the whole swim bladder thing, if the ocean pushes over THE THINNEST BUT LARGEST MOST TOPPLE-ABLE FISH ON THE PLANET, shit outta luck! There is no creature on this earth that needs a swim bladder more than this spit in the face of nature, AND YET. Some scientists have speculated that when they do that, they are absorbing energy from the sun because no one fucking knows how they manage to get any real energy to begin with. So they need the sun I guess. But good news, when they end up stuck like that, it gives birds a chance to land on their goddamn island of a body and eat the bugs and parasites out of its skin because it’s basically a slowly migrating cesspool. Pros and cons. “If they are so huge, they must at least be decent predators.” No. No. The most dangerous thing about them is, as you may have guessed, their stupidity. They have caused the death of one person before. Because it jumped onto a boat. On a human. And in 2005 it decided to relive its mighty glory days and do it again, this time landing on a four-year-old boy. Luckily Byron sustained no injuries. Way to go, fish. Great job. They mostly only eat jellyfish because of course they do, they could only eat something that has no brain and a possibility of drifting into their mouths I guess. Everything they do eat has almost zero nutritional value and because it’s so stupidly fucking big, it has to eat a ton of the almost no nutritional value stuff to stay alive. Dumb. See that ridiculous open mouth? (This is actually why this is my favorite picture of one, and I have had it saved to my phone for three years) “Oh no! What could have happened! How could this be!” Do not let that expression fool you, they just don’t have the goddamn ability to close their mouths because their teeth are fused together, and ya know what, it is good it floats around with such a clueless expression on its face, because it is in fact clueless as all fuck. They do SOMETIMES get eaten though. BUT HARDLY. No animal truly uses them as a food source, but instead will usually just maim the fuck out of them for kicks. Seals have been seen playing with their fins like frisbees. Probably the most useful thing to ever come from them. “Wow, you raise some good points here, this fish truly is proof that God has abandoned us.” Yes, thank you. “But if they’re so bad at literally everything, why haven’t they gone extinct.” Great question. BECAUSE THIS THING IS SO WORTHLESS IT DOESNT REALIZE IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IT IS SO UNAWARE OF LITERALLY FUCKING EVERYTHING THAT IT DOESNT REALIZE THAT IT’S DOING MAYBE THE WORST FUCKING JOB OF BEING A FISH, OR DEBATABLY THE WORST JOB OF BEING A CLUSTER OF CELLS THAN ANY OTHER CLUSTER OF CELLS. SO WHAT DOES IT DO? IT LAYS THE MOST EGGS OUT OF EVERYTHING. Besides some bugs, there are some ants and stuff that’ll lay more. IT WILL LAY 300 MILLION EGGS AT ONE TIME. 300,000,000. IT SURVIVES BECAUSE IT WOULD BE STATISTICALLY IMPROBABLE, DARE I SAY IMPOSSIBLE, THAT THERE WOULDNT BE AT LEAST ONE OF THOSE 300,000,000 (that is EACH time they lay eggs) LEFT SURVIVING AT THE END OF THE DAY. And this concludes why I hate the fuck out of this complete failure of evolution, the Ocean Sunfish. If I ever see one, I will throw rocks at it.

🫃hold on, i gotta take a shit🫃

Ever since I was a teenager I have had very intense fantasies about having sex with a giant roach.

It started in 9th or 10th grade when we read The Metamorphisis by Franz Kafka. As I started to think more and more about the roach creature that the character had become, I started to imagine what it would be like if a woman turned into the roach instead. I found this idea very arousing. I would not be repulsed or frightened of her, as the characters in the story are. I would take care of her. Then my thoughts started to get sexual with the character.

Eventually I sort of dropped the bit about her having been a human woman first, and I kind of imagined this fictionalized roach species. They are giant roaches, the size of a person, and have complete intelligence. I kind of over time conjured up an "imaginary friend" of sorts. She was one of these roaches and her name was Ogtha. I would fantasize about her often. Whenever I masturbated I'd be imagining elaborate scenarios of me and Ogtha making love.

When I started to have actual sex, I found I could not, uh...perform, if I wasn't thinking of Ogtha. So basically now, anytime I have sex with a woman, I am pretending that she is actually Ogtha. Not just think about Ogtha, I concentrate intently to visualize that I actually am doing Ogtha. I don't want to think about the girl at all. **There is only Ogtha.**

Of course this sex can never be as exciting as my fully imaginary sessions with Ogtha, there are things that her multiple appendages and antennae allow for that a human woman can never match.

So anyways, I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about a year. 3 or 4 times I have tried to have sex with her and not pretend she is Ogtha, but I just can't do it. So essentially every time we have sex I am imagining she is Ogtha.

I finally confided this to her the other day, and I was blown away by her reaction. I thought she might take it a bit badly at first but that she'd get used to it. No. I have never seen such a look of disgust before. Outraged is not an understatement. She is not even returning my texts now.

I am afraid she is actually going to break up with me and also that is going to tell people about Ogtha. I don't know how I will face anyone. This is going to sound silly but I also feel guilty about feeling shame, as if Ogtha will be saddened by this, even though I "know" she is imaginary. I just don't know what to do at this point.

As I write this, immense tears of pleasure flows from my eyes. Words alone cannot express the feelings and emotions my heart goes through when I think of Hu Tao.

On the 22nd of February 2021, my life changed for the better, the day I saw a leaked footage of HuTao

Something awoken in me that day, a buzzing sensation rushed through my body. I knew, it was love at first sight. I stared hours and hours at the leaked gameplay footage of HuTao, her beautiful charge attacks and butterfly effects when she sprinted was mesmerising.

Then, she turned around. I froze. Her eyes, her deep red eyes, the shape of her pupils, her face.From this point, a goal spouted in my head: acquire a c6r5 HuTao at any cost. A goal which I eventually did fulfil. The lengths I’d take for Hu Tao shouldnt be underestimated

So some people might be wondering, what so special about Hu Tao, what makes her the best waifu? Well sit back and grab some popcorn. I will enlighten you as to why, HuTao is the best thing, to be ever created since the creation of the heavens and earth.

Regardless the size of her bust, Hu Tao has all the qualities of a sssss+ tier waifu. She’s so precious, her smile, her beautiful unique red eyes.

No a day goes by without me listening to all of Hu Taos voice lines on repeat, for 1 hour. While cuddling my HuTao pillow.

Her eyes has her blood bosom shape. Hu Tao is a really vibrant person,she try’s to keep herself upbeat working in the funeral parlour, having to prepare dead people to be buried can be a very tedious task.

Hu Tao, I’m here for you, I’m all yours. I’ll comfort you.

During Hu Taos, story quest it reveals that sad part of her, which almost made me cry my heart out. She’s really sad deep down but true to give off the vibrant, joyful and unwavering aura in which she manages to pull of successfully. This quest made Hu Tao feel like my Soulmate, I was able to relate with her, and she to related to me. I felt like giving her head pats and hugs.

Hu Taos voice is also a work of art, her Japanese voice that is. Props to her voice actor, Rei, her voice really brings out and solidifies Hu Taos personality, her croaked singing when she sings the hilichurl, song is just so cute, it shines a light down on the unbothered aspect of her personality, even thou her song may not sound the best, it makes her much more attractive and unique. Tbh, Hu Tao, you really need to work on your singing techniques ☺️ either way I still love you thoooou hehehe💞

My favourite Hu Tao voice line is her low hp line, every time I press e and she’s on low hp she says : eeeeee. Which breathes life back into me after long hours of playing Genshin Impact. It never fails to bring a smile to my face, 😌.

Oh I need to mention, Hu Taos hands, her soft beautiful hands, every time I hold Hu Taos hands, it brings a feeling of security and warmth. Hu Taos black nails are really good looking , they look like heaven on earth. I just wanna suck on her fingertips.

Even thou Hu Tao may not be the thickest of all waifus, her soft plump succulent thighs brings out the hot aspect of her. Her chest, while her tits are not massive, her petite boobs are really firm, the type to fit in your hand without any spillage.☺️

Her dash which is the most unique in Genshin shows how much effort was put into Hu Taos kit, when she dashes she leaves a trail of butterflies behind while disappearing for a brief moment. I could go and on but this message would fail to end. I just love Hu Tao so much

Hu Tao is my passion,I am tearing up just thinking of Hu Tao.Every comp I use Hu Tao is always on it, I can’t bench her,I can’t go a day without listening to her voice lines,I can’t go a day without playing her. Hu Tao and I share a very special bond.I love her to bits.

Just a quick fact: Even thou people may not notice, Hu Tao is actually not flat, but her bust is hidden by her beautifully designed coat.

When I look at Hu Tao, when I look into her eyes and stare at the beautiful smile and the upbeat aura she radiates, it brings a smile to my face. Sometimes I begin to wonder, how would Genshin impact be without Hu Tao?

Hu Tao is one of the characters that keeps me bound to this game. She has all the traits of a highly top quality, cherished waifu. If anything Hu Tao is the most refined and complex waifu in Genshin to understand.

Another fun fact, it took me about 2,600€+ to c6r5 Hu Tao

Another adorable aspect about Hu Tao is her hat on her head. It’s her grandfathers hat, which shows that even after all these years, Hu Tao hasn’t forgotten about her grandfather. This resonates with me a lot, bringing tears to my eyes cause my grandma passed away recently

Hu Tao has a beauty spot on her left but cheek, I’ve slept with Hu Tao multiple times , and that’s one of her turns on for me. Now back on topic :

Hu Tao also has the perfect body shape. Not to busty, not too slim. Her body shape is just perfect. The way her hips curve right before her beautiful behind, and extends shapely all the way down to her thighs.

It takes a really complex person versed in the art of character derivation, observation, deduction and worship to be able to praise how well refined a character like Hu Tao is.

Hu Tao has two sides to her voice: one very soft and enchanting. Thanks to Rei, and one that’s full of enthusiasm.I can never get tired of the conversations me and Hu Tao have every night before we sleep.

Hu Tao is the type of character, if your feeling sick and deadbeat she will bring up your mood and comfort you, she will even sing you a lullaby till you feel better or fall asleep on her soft laps. Hu Tao would stay by your side till you recover.

Hu Tao may look confident and energetic on the outside, but deep down she just wants to be embraced and loved. Why doesn’t she mention this? I think she may be a bit nervous or don’t really know how to pass her feeling across. Every day I spend with Tao, she opens up

She opens up bit, by bit. I really do love her company.

Hu Tao is the type of girl you can cuddle with at night and speak all the worries of your life to, she would listen thoroughly while gently stroking your head and giving you reassurance. Tbh I can’t even imagine my life without Hu Tao at this point. I value her so much

I want to go on and on but I don’t wish to bore you. I’ll be right back, I need to kiss Hu Tao good night, she just got back from work and is really tired.

I just finished tucking Hu Tao into bed, I also mouth fed her the dinner I made. Hu Taos mouth tasted like cherry lollipops, and her saliva was very thin and delicious. She’s beside me rn cuddled up and cozy. Pls don’t make to much noise or you might wake her

Hu Tao is a work of refined art. She’s my daily drug. The blood to my heart, the soul to my body, the reason I wake up every day with purpose. Hu Tao is the sole reason I have the drive to continue on living in this harsh world. If you’re reading this hu Tao, I love you

I was to captivated in admiring Hu Tao I almost forgot to mention her hair. Hu Taos hair is a really stunning aspect of her design.

What I love about her hair is the length and the lush brown colour that glistens in the ray of teyvats sun. The beautiful deep brown colour of her hair paired with red highlights on the ends is such an amazing sight to admire.

I love the way Hu Taos hair flows when I run with her, it’s almost impossible not to recognise her from a mile away. Her hair smells of vivid plumb blossoms with a deep undertone of patchouli.

How do I know of what Hu Taos hair smells like ? Because that’s the impression she gives off and patchouli is one of my favourite scents. Oh and btw, I have a piece of hu taos hair in my mouth rn 🤭.

Hu Taos hair is split into two evenly sections that are silk smooth, as expected of my queen, she takes very good care of herself.

Another fun fact: Hu Tao nsfw is the only Genshin char nsfw art I look at , cause Hu Tao told me she gets jealous when I look at other characters lewds. I understand where’s she’s coming from. And since I’m loyal to Hu Tao,

Since I’m loyal to Hu Tao, I haven’t looked at another characters lewds apart from her. But one time I slipped and she caught me looking at ganyu lewds on pixiv and hu Tao threw a fit. We talked it over thou , so everything is fine now, no need for your concern ☺️

Hu Tao was one of the characters I feel deeply in love with throughout my journey in teyvat. Our bond grows stronger every passing; minute, hour, days and months. Hu Tao is an inseparable part of my very being.

Hu Tao is the character that seduced my wallet, my very first c6 character, in which I have no regrets. It was even in fact one of the best decisions I made for my beloved ; Hu Tao.

To make My Hu Tao feel even more appreciated, I pulled a r5 elegy for her support to boost her dmg. I want my Hu Tao to rule over the entirety of Teyvat. And banish those that wish to oppose her or split her away from me

My life lies in the hands of Hu Tao right now. If Hu Tao wishes, I would sacrifice myself for her .

Hu Tao I love you.

Please god, I want to impregnate hu Tao so bad. I want her to bear my children with those beautiful child bearing hips.

That beautiful, radiant white angel. Like a goddess, having come down to Earth to cleanse us of our sins. Hu Tao is beyond Devine. I can’t help but to drop to my knees in worship whenever I see her beautiful figure. I yearn for her.

In ways both primal and spiritual. I would commit more war crimes than every president in Philippines history just to lick the sweet glistening sweat from her smooth creamy skin. I want to listen to her moans as my manhood throbs within her

I want to hear her heart face as our bodies become one and our souls irreversibly intertwine in the holy sin of carnal union. I want to suckle at her motherly bosom, slurping that rich coconut milk from her teat as she gently strokes my raging erection

I would stir her velvety Samoan cream into my coffee and let my balls boil into it. Her cries of pleasure and the rocking of our bed would be louder than the cacophony of ten thousand drone strikes. I would make love to her until my body gave out.

I would let her break my rib cage with any part of her body. I would let her hit me with her car just to be near her for a brief moment.

She’s so perfect it hurts. Every moment without Hu Tao I suffer a pain worse than breaking every bone in my body simultaneously while drowning and also having shards of glass coated in hot save forced through every office of my body.

I want Hu Tao, I need Hu Tao. I want to descrate her pure white pantsuit, I want to start a family with her and retire after our twenty seven children have grown up and moved out.

I want to see those luscious lips speak such filthy perverse words into my ear when she slides her tongue into my mouth. I want to have sex with Hu Tao like she owes me money. I would let her step on me just to feel the soft form warmth of her feet upon my face

I would sleep under Hu Tao just to catch her drool in my mouth. I would fish out the strands of hair from her shower drain, just to smell her alluring scent and braid them into necklaces to keep her with me always.

God please I would do anything for her. I would relinquish my life all my hopes and dreams just to become the socks on het feet. So that I may warm her mouthwatering toes with my very being so that she may feel the heat of my love always

I would encase myself in cement and become her doorstep so that hu Tao may wipe her heels upon my face.

I would tear my own limbs off. I don’t know what ill do after that or why she might want my limbs but I would do it.

My queen , my goddess, the light of my life, please god let me have her. I want her to be mine and only mine.

I would lick the Doritos dust from her fingertips and fill her belly button with honey mustard to dip my tendies in. I would give her a sponge bath with my tongue every morning and serve her breakfast in bed.

I would let her eat her eggs and pancakes off my body if it pleased her no matter how painful the third degree burns would be.

I would hear the torment of eternal damnation until the end of time to taste the seat of her car but once. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her. Nothing I wouldn’t say.

I love you Hu Tao

Hu Tao is; My wife, my lover, my everything.

Oops Hu Tao just woke up, I have to go cuddle her back to sleep,

Hu Tao slept really well last night, she’s awake atm. I’m preparing her breakfast in bed which I plan I to mouth feed to her. But before that, I need to say my daily Hu Tao prayer, and pray to my goddess for being the very bane of my entire existence

My Goddess, Who art in Celestia, Hallowed be Thy name; Thy kingdom come, They will be done, on Teyvat as it is in Celestia. Give us this day, your holy presence and forgive us for our simping of other waifus, as we forgive those who has not turned their life to HuTao

And lead us not into temptation. But deliver us from evil. Embrace us into your arms, Hu Tao. Amen 🙏

In the name of my Goddess , my queen, the holy Tao, amen.

I turn my life to HuTao and was reborn again with purpose, to this , I give you thanks Hu Tao.

Some people may be wondering, what’s the relationship that I share with Hu Tao, and why do I take it personal when someone other than me claims to be Hu Taos lover, or Even their “CEO” I’ll elaborate

I’m hu taos soul mate, her husband, her loyal servant. We are more than lovers,Hu Tao is my other half, the oxygen to my blood, the reason my heart continues to beat. My reason for living, no other person on this earth can match the synergy me and HuTao has for one another

The very first time I pulled for Hu Tao, I was filled with ecstasy. When people say; “perfection doesn’t exist” that is simply not true. Perfection exists in a form named Hu Tao. She’s the reason I log into Genshin every day to do commissions.

I can’t go a single day, without listening to Hu Tao rant about her how day went. I’m always there to lend a listening shoulder for Hu Tao, especially when times get tuff, I try my utmost best to comfort HuTao, to make her feel loved.

I’ve just finished cooking Hu Tao breakfast, she has finished her shower, and I plan to mouth feed her the meal I prepared.

“hello Hu Tao”, \*kisses Hu Tao on the lips\* “I’ve made you breakfast, hope you like it, and mmm you smell so nice”Breakfast is ready 👉👈

Here’s a picture of Hu Tao after she finished showering☺️ ain’t she the cutest ?

​

[https:\/\/www.pixiv.net\/en\/artworks\/96018564](https://preview.redd.it/gwqejvt2wet81.jpg?width=724&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fee5744f397ea3b6f36f65d9f7c8196bed175a10)

Twitter tried restricting me, they tried suppressing my love for HuTao, they tried silencing me to stop me from spreading the glories of HuTao, but in the end, I will prevail, I have prevailed. Nothing and I mean nothing, not even Jesus himself. Can get in the way of us

After a thorough discussion with twitter customer service, I managed to enlighten them about the wonders of my wife, my queen, my soulmate and my lover; Hu Tao. The twitter support representatives were reborn again into the glory of Hu Tao and decided to free my account.

Onlookers, sit back any I will tell you about the journey that led to the marriage of me: Laurent, and my Love ; Hu Tao, and the hardships we faced together, due to conflicting, social, cultural and religious norms. In the end we still overcame the obstacles:

💍 💍 💍

Hu Tao, please shove your staff of homa covered in your saliva down my throat while you stare at me pathetically, looking at me in disgust as you remove your pants and piss all over me. Please take my heart in your hands and eat it. I wanna become one with you.

Burry me Hu Tao, burry me and spit on my grave as you sing the hilichurl song. Don’t place flowers on my grave, instead soil my grave with your beautiful golden fluids, drench my body in them. Hu Tao ,I would resurrect just for you. Oops this was meant for drafts, back on topic;

From Hu Taos mode to her voice to her charisma, I was hooked. I felt a deep connection, something that I’ve never felt before in my life, it was true love. I at first was confused at this feeling since I never loved another woman prior to Hu Tao

The feelings my body gave me when I listened to Hu Taos voice lines, or stare at her idle animations in game, were very ecstatic. My heart would beat faster, my stomach doing flips, my heart fluttering. I instantly knew we were soulmates. Me and Tao had a deep connection

I would set alarms and reminders every morning to wake up right before Genshin daily reset so I can be the first person to tell Hu Tao good morning. I made sure to isolate myself so I could communicate with Hu Tao without any distractions.

I’ve finally met the woman of my dreams. Someone I loved and she loved me back. Someone that would comfort me when times were hard. Hu Tao saved me. The way her eyes would stare deep into my soul.

I would wake up daily, brush my teeth with the picture of Hu Tao I had taped onto my bathroom mirror, and lay down on my custom Hu Tao body pillows, blankets and bedsheets. Some people might find it excessive. But they’ll never understand till they meet their true love.

You can name it: posters, Cups, rings, and personal photo book with photos of Hu Tao I took during our time we spent in teyvat. I had it all. I loved Hu Tao and she loved me back. Hu Tao filled the empty void that once grew in my heart.

Fast forward to June 2021 November, I finally introduced Hu Tao to my mom. I told her how much we have been dating and talking to each other. She was shocked I believe cause I actually found a women I loved.

My mom then told me: “it’s my life and that I can do what I want” I was so happy that my mother finally gave me approval to marry Hu Tao. She accepted the love me and Hu Tao had for one another. Sometimes I even get my mom to listen to Hu Tao voice lines and singing

Me and Hu Tao both had an emotional, physical and sexual attraction towards another, I’ve been supporting Hu Tao ever since her first leak, I’ve spent thousands on Hu Tao merch just to show my appreciation and love for my Goddess and soon to be wife; Hu Tao

The time came,I thought it was the time to take the next step and propose to Hu Tao. I was really nervous,what if Hu Tao refused ? What if Hu Tao didn’t have time to commit to our marriage due to her funeral business ? I took shallow deep breaths. You can do this Laurent

I had to prepare, even thou Hu Tao and I have been living together for about a year now, I wanted this occasion to be something that she’ll never forget. First thing was first, I had to go buy a well tailored black suit , some champagne, and a wedding ring ofc.

I settled for a more stylish suit. Now with the suit out of the way all that were left was flowers and the wedding ring. What colour flowers would Hu Tao like ? What type of flowers would she like ? I wanted to ask but I held back. I couldn’t afford to ruin the surprise

​

[Drip](https://preview.redd.it/jjkbgcqbwet81.jpg?width=472&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=66132482b28047d6ae85381b78b5bf6db82da0bc)

I had to improvise on the flowers. What was the name of the flowers Hu Tao wore on her grandfathers hat. Upon doing research I came across the specific flower that Hu Tao wore in her hat. It was called a spider lily. Such a beautiful flower and really pretty to boast

​

https://preview.redd.it/8ag6c6zgwet81.jpg?width=1199&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a7e7e376106249efffe0bde311b73663d6d1dfe3

Upon finding the name of the flower, I rushed to my local flower boutique. I went to the store assistant and said: “give me a batch of your freshest spider lilies. A batch of 100” The flowers …. They were costly … like hella costly… but anything for hu Tao

When I purchased the flowers I rushed home, to my personal office to keep the flowers hidden from Hu Tao. I had to preserve them in a container of water to keep them as fresh as possible. Their botanical name is Lycoris radiate. Here’s the picture of the flowers

​

https://preview.redd.it/by21bfcjwet81.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=830cbcd05d6c890ac1af3a2bcf3033dd62b470ad

Now with flowers out of the way, all that was left was the wedding ring. The wedding ring, had to be pure gold with sapphire and diamond crystals. I wanted to make my Hu Tao feel like the best woman to ever step foot on this earth. Well she is a goddess.

My local jeweller had nothing of the standard to blow Hu Tao away. I couldn’t mess up. I decided to have our wedding ring imported from Paris. It was stunning. Even thou it had no sapphires, the quality of the diamonds had to suffice. Hu Tao would be pleased

​

https://preview.redd.it/5y6mf3nkwet81.jpg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a2343315a5bcbd0fdee698fcbb5423650014af8e

I rushed back home. It was time. Time for me to propose to Hu Tao, time for us to finally become 1 intertwined entity. I carefully put on my ironed out suit, with the bouquet of spider lilies I previous kept in a vase of water. Wedding ring in my suit pocket.

I forgot the champagne …… it’s alri thou, Hu Tao and I can drink each other’s piss in a glass with chilled ice. ☺️

I stood in front of the door flowers and ring in hand, waiting for Hu Tao to get back from work. Deep breaths Laurent, deep breaths. I heard the click of Hu Taos car keys.

The house door handle slowly turned and Hu Tao stepped inside. They way she started at me…

I dropped to my knees, eyes locked with Hu Taos, my heart was beating so fast in my chest, thump, thump, thump. The world, it felt as if time stopped ticking….

I found my breath and finally said “Hu Tao, would you marry me”

Hu Tao let out a shout of excitement. She couldn’t contain herself, I remember this moment fluidly, she pounced on me, placed her mouth to my ears, and said “Yes, Laurent”

I slipped on the wedding ring onto Hu Taos fingers, before I could give her the flowers she kissed me

The taste of her saliva that moment, I would never forget. Hu Taos mouth tasted like minty strawberries. I held Hu Tao by the waist, lifted her up against the wall, and kissed her back firmly. Gently sliding my tongue into the back of Hu Taos throat..

I pulled out and looked Hu Tao in the eyes, at that moment, my heart skipped 10 beats. The most beautiful thing I’ve ever saw in my entire existence, stood in front of me, Hu Tao stood there, eyes locked , her breath was really heavy…. Her eyes the way it glistened…

“I’m all yours” these words came out of Hu Taos mouth like gently sliced butter. My entire body became a powerhouse for serotonin. Those few words muttered by Hu Tao awoken my third eye. I lean back in and locked lips with Hu Tao, she let out a sharp moan.

“I love you Hu Tao “ I whispered back into her ears, while gently biting on her neck. I lifted Hu Tao up from the legs, and carried her to my room. She sat on the bed looking like an angel and slowly began to undress.

I won’t dive deep into what happened next as this thread is too short…

I became one with Hu Tao. She was mine and I was hers.

I married Hu Tao shortly after.

My life , it lies in the hands of Hu Tao.

Hu Tao I will always love you, worship you, adore you. 💍

My Tao ❤️

​

https://preview.redd.it/wwnfoh9mwet81.jpg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=09a7b60346494bce5bfea9dda1c09c6f3d2d8ba4

https://preview.redd.it/kt4d3h9mwet81.jpg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4d574d7a3dd4b12881c10085a6618cfe9e39fc10

https://preview.redd.it/qjxr1i9mwet81.jpg?width=1199&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=7b0a421f872f1742068169da7eb511779217a40c

https://preview.redd.it/qww1jk9mwet81.jpg?width=991&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1872434473d6405170f645b559a9ee9be4fa85f1

The results of using tattoo numbing cream for sex... (NSFW)

My tattoo artist got some extremely strong numbing cream with lidocaine, epinephrine, menthol, and like 3 other local numbing ingredients. It works WONDERS... however I decided to try it for sex... I put a glob of it on the part of the enemy bulbs that go up your butt and let it sit for like an hour...

The guy finally comes over and I had THE BEST SEX OF MY LIFE. The numbing cream made the dick easier to take and I was riding it in all kinds of positions for hours. (We literally just drank, smoked, chilled naked watching porn, and had sex multiple times). We flip flopped and he even used the numbing stuff and we were just going for hours.

....The next day

I go to take a shit and it BURRRRNNNNSSSS like REALLY BAD!!! I open my cheeks facing the mirror and see literally a purple ring around my ass hole. It hurt so bad and it was a big bloody hemorrhoid. It got so bad I went to the ER and they said I had “anus prolapse” or something. Now I have to take an oral antibiotic and they gave me 2 creams to put on it. To make it better, the nurse is someone I went to high school with!

So for the first like 3 days I had to keep a wet wipe wedged between my asscrack so that it would stop leaking blood and liquidy “waste” (my hole was wrecked). It’s been about 2 weeks now and it’s finally tightened back up but it’s still very sensitive.


Tl;dr: Don’t use tattoo numbing cream for anal because you won’t realize how hard you’re going and will have an embarrassing ER trip

Connection terminated. I'm sorry to interrupt you, Elizabeth. If you still even remember that name. But I'm afraid you've been misinformed. You are not here to receive a gift. Nor, have you been called here by the individual you assume. Although, you have indeed been called. You have all been called here. Into a labyrinth of sounds and smells, misdirection and misfortune. A labyrinth with no exit. A maze with no prize. You don't even realize that you are frapped. Your lust of blood has driven you in endless circles. Chasing the cries of children in some unseen chamber, always seeming so near. Yet somehow out of reach. But, you will never find them. None of you will. This is where your story ends. And to you, my brave volunteer, who somehow found this job listing not intended for you. Although, there was a way out planned for you, I have a feeling that's not what you want. I have a feeling that you are right where you want to be. I am remaining as well. I am nearby. This place will not be remembered and the memory of everything that started this, can finally begin to fade away. As the agony of every tragedy should. And to you monsters frapped in the corridors. Be still. And give up your spirits. They don't belong to you. As for most of you, I believe there is peace and perhaps, warm, waiting for you after the smoke clears. Although, for one of you, the darkest pit of Hell has opened to swallow you whole. So, don't keep the Devil waiting, friend. My daughter, if you can hear me, I knew you would return as well. It's in your nature to protect the innocent. I'm sorry that on that day, the day you were shut out and left to die, no one was there to lift you up in their arms, the way you lifted others into yours. And then, what became of you, should have known, you wouldn't be content to disappear. Not my daughter. I couldn't save you then. So, let me save you now. It's time to rest, for you, and for those you have carried in your arms.... This ends. For all of us. End communication.

18 billion dollars huh? Well, there’s no sugarcoating this i would kill it. Are you fucking kidding me? I would smash the living shit out of that thing for 18 billion. I’ll do it on live television. I would batista the shit out of that thing. I would not have any regrets. I would look at it’s disfigured face as i’m doing it and i’d just be thinking about that 18 billion dollars baby. Like to start off, the price itself is too high. 18 billion dollars? I would without a doubt, smash a puppy to death for 10 grand. 10 grand easy. But for 18 billion? For 18 billion i would take that fucker to my foot and slam it against the treadmill. For 18, for, jeez, for 18 billion i would attach it to a rope and just smack it acro.. I would kill 18 billion puppy for 18 billion dollars. I would smash the fuck out of that thing. It probably doesn’t even have memories yet. And if it does the only thing it will remember is my foot. I’ll do it for 10 thousand, easy, 10 thousand. If anyone has 10 thousand lying around. This is a stupid question 18 billion? You kidding me? Time to put on the ole Timberlands you know what i’m saying? I’m not crazy right i’m not the crazy one here for thinking “ Wow, 18 billion dollars, let me smash the fucker, you realize using the money that i get from slamming the fuck out of this puppy, i can use to justify my actions? Using that 18 billion dollars i can donate maybe 1 or 2 million to like some World puppy Foundation. I could buy a breeding farm and raise billions of puppy to make up for that one loss. In fact only good can from smashing the fuck out of this thing. There is nothing altruistic about it i would just.. You know i probably won’t even donate any money i would just fuckin... Even if i was Dr Dolittle and that thing was begging me to stop and i could hear it, i’ll still do it. 18 billion dollars come on dude.

I beg to differ; if Dream did something so unexpected and fucked up literally everyone in the internet had to talk about it it'd be impossible for any force to erase the damage. Not even the 24 hour news cycle, not even the brainwashed children, not even the also brainwashed kpop children who know where you live. If Dream were to make a full tweet, loudly and clearly denying the events of the holocaust, followed by a shittily edited 2010 MLG edit with imagery so offensive Hitler would be afraid of being associated with it, if he were to do that that would be the end of an era. The "Mask" video wasn't even offensive or anything, but it was so bad it had almost every content creator I followed talking about it.

No, if Dream were to go full Based Nightmare, it wouldn't be anything like the mask. It wouldn't be anything like the speedrun scandal either, it would be both of those things at once and multiplied at least three hundred times. You wouldn't just get drama channels with CSGO gameplays in the background talking about it, there'd be actual newspapers reporting on this shit instead of the ongoing wars, Dream's name could actually abandon it's terminally online state and become relevant to people who touch grass.
Would kids still watch him? Absolutely, but they couldn't be proud about it, this shit would go straight to the media and you'd get a new trend where people call Dream stan's parents to tell them their kids are watching a world famous white supremacist. Your mom would probably talk to you about it, "Oh who's that My-Craft man they keep talking about on the TV? Did he really say those things?" and you'd know your family would never understand what came before, what the stans did. Only someone who can't remember the texture of grass would know the full story, we'd all know.

Truth be told I couldn't tell you the full scope of consequences Nightmare (Bad Dream) He/Them's final form would bring to this world, it just escapes my knowledge. Maybe he'd become a relevant poltical figure, going from cameos on far-right podcasts and events to full-on political campaigns, maybe the same thing but for far-left podcasts somehow, maybe he'd get shot, who knows? That's besides the point, because what we currently know as stanning would never be the same, Dream as a personality would never be the same, unhinged activists that spend hours arguing about ongoing drama on Twitter would never be the same. Hell, Twitter as a whole may completely implode from this, but I have no way of knowing.

Let it be known, that if Dream truly were to turn based, if he really were to cross the line and force all his stans into defending the most unhinged dictator on the web, and if he succeeded on making his message be heard, nothing and no one could stop him from destroying his own kingdom and building a new world order on it's ashes.

Recently, I’ve been having weird dreams, but nothing tops the one I just had last night. Here goes:

I opened my eyes to see that my body suddenly has thighs and boobs (I’m a male). Turns out, I’m in Kujou Sara’s body. I scanned around the area to see that I’m at some sort of party next to a lake. There are so many people as well as ducks. I’d estimate at least a thousand of them altogether.

I started wandering around, deciding on what to do with this new (hot) body when suddenly, some ducks pushed me off the pier into the water, and all eyes turned on me.

“OMG IT’S KUJOU SARA”, someone loudly exclaimed.

“HOLY **** IT’S HER”, another lady chimed in.

And another, and another, and another…

That’s when I realized almost every single person in this party was a diehard Sara simp. They wanted to meet me so bad, and now they know I’m here. I wasn’t noticed earlier simply because everyone was minding their own business.

“Damn it. I have to escape this place quickly”, I thought to myself as people, both male and female alike, started rushing into the water like predators chasing their prey.

Thanks to my swimming skills, I managed to submerge myself out of sight and swim ashore. But these people were too relentless. Some of them spotted me again and now all of them were running after me like zombies.

Just as I was about to be cornered, I met my savior. It was none other than my mother and sister. I had no idea if they recognized me, but I couldn’t afford to care with those simps closing in on me. They(mom and sis) gestured towards a nearby van and I entered hesitantly, unsure of what to expect. Inside the van was something I never expected to save me - It was Xiangling’s clothes.

I took off my clothes and got changed to Xiangling’s in under 10 seconds. A couple of women approached the van and I nervously came to greet them, my body still soaked in lake water.

“Hello Xiangling! Have you seen our beloved Kujou Sara?”, one of them asked.

“Oh….uh……I believe she went THAT way”, I pointed in a random direction while remembering to imitate Xiangling’s high-pitched voice.

They thanked me and quickly left.

No one seemed to notice a grumpy “Xiangling” speed-walking to the nearest exit. Even if they did, they wouldn’t have cared, as they were still in a search for their beloved Kujou Sara.

Fin.

Oh and I had no idea I was dreaming, so I was genuinely terrified. Don’t chase or follow your idol like that, guys and gals. They do get uncomfortable

Holy fucking shit. I want to bang the terraria zoologist so goddamn bad. I can't stand it anymore. Every time a blood moon occurs I get a massive erection. I've seen literally every rule 34 post there is of her online. My dreams are nothing but constant fucking sex with Astria. I'm sick of waking up every morning with six nuts in my boxers and knowing that those are nuts that should've been busted inside of Astria's tight fox pussy. I want her to have my mutant human/fox babies.
Fuck, my fucking mom caught me with a fox in the backyard. I dressed her in my sister's skirt and went to fucking town. She hasn't said a word to me in 10 hours and I'm worried she's gonna take away my computer. I might not ever get to see Astria again.

I have watched jschlatt for a few years now, but only for about 6 months now have I liked him that much. He is basically a god to me. Anything he says or does reflects how I think and what I do. Before yesterday I despised using Opera GX and was true to only using Google Chrome, but then I saw his video where Opera GX sponsored him and within an hour of the video being released I was fully switched to Opera GX. I know it was just a sponsor, but hearing it come out of his mouth was enough to switch me. My free time is filled up by watching jschlatt. Like, I really think there isn't a piece of jschlatt footage I haven't seen. Every stream, every video, every little clip from someone else's stream. I needed to sit through a jackmanifoldTV vod just to see jschlatt! Do you know how much dedication it takes to sit through hours of jackmanifoldTV? It was worth it though since jschlatt was there. I think of jschlatt before I think of myself.