It is so embarrassing I don’t even know how to say it. So I got a boner and it wouldn’t calm down but I had to give presentations in 5 minutes. So I poured some liquid Nitrogen on it thinking the cold would help and now I can’t feel my penis. It is just frozen in boner and it’s not shrinking. I just cancelled the presentation cuz I don’t think I’m gonna be able to do it like this. Also I feel like I’m gonna have a frostbite. What do I do?

Help, I have a problem. I’m in chemistry lab

It is so embarrassing I don’t even know how to say it. So I got a boner and it wouldn’t calm down but I had to give presentations in 5 minutes. So I poured some liquid Nitrogen on it thinking the cold would help and now I can’t feel my penis. It is just frozen in boner and it’s not shrinking. I just cancelled the presentation cuz I don’t think I’m gonna be able to do it like this. Also I feel like I’m gonna have a frostbite. What do I do?

I think we all need to start cumming on the toilet, here's why.

Let's clarify, I don't mean cumming ON the toilet. I simply mean cumming whilst atop the toilet seat, or sitting on the toilet. And there's one sole reason on why we sit on toilets. To poop. When you are cumming whilst on the toilet, say, about to climax, that triggers a lot of the muscles in your rectal area to help get poop out of your butthole that could not be triggered before, this is only when you climax.

Thus, cumming on the toilet would not only be killing two birds with one stone, but also killing THREE birds with one stone. Because you're getting more poop out of your butt.

But what does this mean? What would we benefit from getting the little extra poop out of our buttholes? Well, it would prevent clogging of the rectal area, it would help poop NOT coming out when you fart, because sometimes that happens when you push a little too hard, and it would help to have a cleaner butthole in general. Usually, when there is that little extra poop in your butt you juuust can't push hard enough to let out, that is the FINAL turd that is remaining in your butthole. So if you are gay, and want a clean butt for buttsex, please, jerk off whilst you are on your toilet! It will help! Or, if you are heterosexual, and just want a nice clean butthole and do not want to worry about a little poop coming out when you fart, you don't have to! Just jerk it on the toilet.

(YOU MAY DO THIS AFTER YOU HAVE POOPED AND THAT POOP IS IN YOUR ASS AND YOU NEED IT OUT)

I have noticed that, although this subreddit has 941k readers, I am not receiving 941k upvotes on my posts. I'm not sure if this is being done intentionally or if these "friends" are forgetting to click 'upvote'. Either way, I've had enough. I have compiled a spreadsheet of individuals who have "forgotten" to upvote my most recent posts. After 2 consecutive strikes, your name is automatically highlighted (shown in red) and I am immediately notified. 3 consecutive strikes and you can expect an in-person "consultation". Think about your actions.

There's no doubt even on your dirtiest day, your holes produce the most succulent and delicious juices. My tongue would likely go numb because I would constantly be licking and tongue fucking your dirty asshole. When you get home from the gym, I'll be there waiting to lick and sniff your asshole and butt cheeks. Coming out of the bathroom, I'll be there ready to eat your ass. Waiting for you at the end of your day where you had no shower but was extremely active outside in the humidity. I'll be there ready to sniff, eat, and devour your sweaty, dirty, and filthy asshole. Let me put it this way. If you could find a way to bottle up your asshole sweat and pussy juice, I would buy yours by the gallon and consume it like my life depended on it.

what is a fetish? If you really think about it , the negative connotation of fetish just doesn't make logical sense Don't you agree? I just think if you have your preferences you can have your own preferences and that's completely fine but like asking for someone's fetish just seems like you're prying into something but it shouldn't really feel that way??????

The worst part about these fucking teenagers is they always tell people that their girlfriend is cheating on them and she's a whore. Like it's so crazy. Some dudes like my girlfriend has a male coworker. And then some idiot teenager jumps in because he's so excited to pretend like he knows something about women. So he says SHE'S FUCKING HIM! THAT'S ALL THEY EVER DO! WOMEN AM I RIGHT?

This is why I keep saying over and over again that I would pay up to $15.99 a month for a version of Reddit for people who get laid regularly and just want to like talk about normal shit and actually understand the opposite sex. I hate being on this platform with teenage boys and virgins. I am aware that it isn't their fault, I just don't want to share the internet with them. Which is why I picked a price that they probably can't afford.

Send me ur vegana pic

Hai

Are u fucked at night...?

I want to kiss ur vegana

I want to kiss ur vagana for 2 hrs and then put my 1 feet pinus in ur vegana u will happy...?

Your life literally is as valuable as a summer ant. I'm just gonna stomp you, you're gonna keep coming back, i'm gonna seal up all my cracks, you're gonna keep coming back, why? Cause you keep smelling the syrup, you worthless bitchass nigga! You're gonna stay on my dick until you die. You serve no purpose in life, your purpose in life is to be on my stream sucking on my dick daily. Your purpose in life is to be in that chat blowing a dick daily. Your life is nothing, you serve ZERO purpose. You should kill yourself, NOW! And give somebody else a piece of that oxygen and ozone layer that's covered up so we can breathe inside this blue trapped bubble. Cause what are you here for? To worship me? Kill yourself!

We don't talk about cyan no no no

We don't talk about cyan…. BUT

​

It was our working day

It was out working day

I was doing admin and there wasn’t a sus in the chat

No sus allowed in the chat

​

Cyan walks in with a sussy grin-

SUSSY!!

you the imposter or am i?

You’re looking kinda sussss

​

Cyan says he saw red vent

Why did he tell us?

In doing so he calls him sus

Go and report him

Red is the imposter

He is super sus but anyway

​

We don't talk about cyan no no no

We don't talk about cyan!

​

Hey! Grew to live in fear of cyan sabotaging or killing

I could always hear him sort of running and venting

I associate him with the sound of closing vents ch ch ch

It’s a heavy burden with imposter running

Always left me and crew fumbling

Tryna find cyan in the act

Do you understand?

​

A 3-6 foot frame

Backpack on his back

When he vents to you

It all fades to black

Yeah, he calls you sus

And feasts on your screams (hey!)

​

We don’t talk about cyan no no no

We don't talk about cyan!

​

He told me that I was sus

The next day: dead! (No, no!)

He told me I’d be ejected

And just like he said…. (no, no!)

He said that the crew would disappear, now look what he did (no, no! Hey!)

Your fate is sealed when cyan has you read

​

He told me that the oxygen would be sabotaged and we’d all die

He told me that the crew would be sus and that I would be ejected

​

He told me that the life of my dreams would be just out of reach

Murdered in medbay!

It’s like I hear him now

Hey green, I want not a sound out of you

I can hear him now

​

Um Cyan…

Yeah about that Cyan

I really need to know about Cyan…

Gimme the truth and the whole truth Cyan

(Yellow, you’re acting sus)

Emergency meeting!

​

A 3-6 foot frame (it was our meeting day, it was our meeting day)

Backpack on his back (I was doing admin)

When he vents to you (and there wasn’t a sus in the chat)

It all fades to black (no sus allowed in the chat)

Yea he calls you sus (cyan walks in with a sussy grin)

And feasts on your screams (sussy!)

Are you the imposter or am i?

You’re looking kinda sussss

Cyan said he saw red vent (a 3-6 foot frame, backpack on his back)

In doing so, he calls red sus

Go and report him

He’s sus

Don’t talk about cyan no (why did I talk about cyan?)

Not a word about cyan

I never should’ve brought up cyan!

Bruh? Like sorry i don't smell like a mix of piss sweat and axe body spray Troy. I will gladly shower every night AND morning and use fruit and coconut smelled soap and deodorant. My good hygeine doesn't have anything to do with my professional competitive cock sucking

I will detonate around 500 thousand C4's scattered around the Russo-Ukrainian-Belarusian-Moldovan border, killing more than hundreds of thousands of innocent individuals and completely eradicating cities like Odessa, Mazyr and Soroca, it will make hundreds of thousands of square kilometres of land inhabitable, making it one of the most fatal explosions ever to be renowned if you, ever, ever say that again. I have 4 days until the C4's are found by the governments of all 4 countries and they will trace down the one who implanted them. You will say it or not say it all bad things will happen. Good luck

I'm looking for a bento box, it cant be pinku (that's Japanese for pink) or any girl color. It has to be of 2 or more kotoba (that's Japanese for 2 compartments) and has be be chibi (small) sized. And has to be really kawaii (cute). Also It has to be about 10-20 bux. And you have to post pics of it first (i want to make shure it's kawaii \[cute\]). And it would be nice if it came with matching chopstick holder (WITH chopsticks). OH! and it CANNOT have any cartoon pictures, or be made out of plastic. It has to be made of ceramic, or something like that. Also it would be nice if it was made in japan. and not in china or corea (Korea) or whatever. I have found a bento box similar to the one im describing in e-bay, but it was 1 kotoba, and i don't want my gohan (rice) to touch my other things (it can get wet and i would not like that, plus 2 compartments looks more kawaii)

Anne frankly, I did nazi that coming. I literally came here to say this but boy, that escalated quickly so to the top with you! Lost it at 'This is why we can't have nice things' and then my faith in humanity was restored, my mind blown, and manly tears were shed. Well said. As a 'murican, I can confirm this gem has just won the internet and is doing it right. Just sayin', I know that feel, bro, and while that was a risky click, this post was a 9/10, 11/10 with rice, would read again. I see what you did there and it feels good man. You're doing God's work, son. I laughed way harder than I should have at your list that seems legit and totally nailed it. You - I like you. You magnificent bastard; you, sir, are so brave, a gentleman and a scholar, and seeing how you are a redditor for 4 years, this checks out, so I'll allow it. I regret that I only have one upvote to give for this cool story, bro. CTRL+F "about tree fiddy" was not disappointed. Wait, why do I have you tagged as "NOPE NOPE NOPE"? Nice try, you monster. You are now banned from /[r/pyongyang](https://www.reddit.com/r/pyongyang/) What did I just read? Dafuq? I read that as "YOU HAD ONE JOB". I can't fap to this. No true scotsman could see that this relevant XKCD was bad, and you should feel bad. You must be new to reddit, so I'll see your cakeday and raise you a karma train. One does not simply rustle my jimmies, not even once. Jet fuel can't melt dank memes, that stahp gave me cancer for science, so that's enough internet for me today. OP is a fuzzy little man-peach, 2/10, would not bang. What is this I don't even know how is this wtf? Fuck Jenny. Circlejerk must be leaking. This will get buried but brace yourselves, some men want to watch the world burn right in the feels. When you see it, they'll KILL IT WITH FIRE! But this has nothing to do with atheism. Lawyer up, delete facebook, hit the gym, and SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY, said no one ever, so you wouldn't download a strawman. /[r/dadjokes](https://www.reddit.com/r/dadjokes/). Damn onions, you scary like a BOSS. whoosh. Since rule #1 is 'be attractive', I'll just leave this here: This is my \[f\]irst post, be gentle.

Edit: This blew up. RIP my inbox.

Edit2: thanks for the gold kind stranger

fucking dogshit braindead teammates, in leauge of legends i always speak for team, dont go for 1v5, go play safe but fucking dogs never want to listen, literally forcing each team fight. ever since I started playing end of s5 start of s6 or so I fucking broke at least 15 keyboards, countless mice and at least 4 monitors. my current one has a fucking spot in bottom left from where i smashed this bitch, I have fucking at minimum 90 accounts banned since season 6, all of them perma banned for ghost cleanse disco nunu running down when my teammates decided to troll pick full ap when i had first pick jungle or banned for being toxic. i fucking hate riot games such a cancerous company releasing dogshit fucking broken champs that are so op but "WE DONT THINK OUR CHAMPIONS HAVE OVERLOADED KITS" YEP YEP YEP. VEX HAS FUCKING TONS OF CC DAMAGE AND SAFE PLAYS, AKSHAN LITERALLY REVIVES HIS WHOLE TEAM EVERY SECOND, ZERI FUCKING GOES MACH SPEED AROUND THE FUCKING MAP 0 COUNTERPLAY GL CATCHING UP TO THAT ELECTRIC GREEN HAIR FAGGOT ASS BITCH NIGGER. Riot games, i hope you get fucking cancer each and every single one of your employees, half the fucking riot employees are stuck in silver piss low elo, they lose 1 fucking game against pyke mid and they have to nerf pyke next patch because "he's too strong" or they fucking lose as karthus jungle and then have to buff karthus next patch because "woopsie karthus is wayyyy too weak so we have to buff him" i wish i could fucking go back in time and tell the 14-15 year old me "do not install that cancerous game"
you may say "just uninstall the game" I FUCKING CANT I AM ADDICTED TO THIS FUCKING CANCER GAME, IT COSTSM Y FUCKING SANITY EACH GAME I PLAY. I ONLY HAVE FUN ON ARURF/URF/ONE FOR ALL OR NEXUS BLITZ OR ANY NEW EVENT. I go ranked = gg its a fucking coinflip whether my teammates decide to user their brains or go full ape shit 1iq force team fight let enemy get fully fed and i cant do shit yep yep totally worth playing ranked piss low fucking plat bullshit ass youd think fucking plat players have at least half a brain but nah they got half a braincell at most fucking spastic baboon mentality retarded neckbeard 500kg niggers basement living greasy fucks. im a fucking 20 year old skinny clean piece of shit junkie ive seen the sun and touched grass unlike those spastic ass niggers. oh u want to play ranked and have some fun? here take this vex with crown of shattered queen (gives her fucking shield so you cant burst her down, negates damage up to 75%) and then she buys most broken item seekers arm guard good luck dealing any damage to her when she just fucking stands there, takes your full zed combo W-R-E-Q + IGNITE YEP SHE TAKES 0 DAMAGE XDDXXDXDXDXD IM HAVING SO MUCH FUCKING FUN HOLY SHIT IRIOT GAMSE PLEASE RELSEASE MORE CAHNCER CAHNSPIONS LIKE THIS IM GOIJUGN FUCKING MENTAL
riot cancer games keep fucking releasing bullshit ass fucked up braindead champions, every new champion has to be some fucking retarded e-boy, some e-girl or a tiny tight yordlussy fuckign ape shit champ. every new champ they release is so fucking broken, first week or two the champ is either perma banned in ranked or you/your teammate decide not to ban them in hopes of not playing against it, GOOD FUCKING LUCK NIGGA, THAT SHIT WILL SHOW UP IN YOUR FUCKING DIAMOND PROMOS AND WILL LITERALLY ASS RAPE YOU, THE GUY COULD BE FUCKING PLAYING WITH HIS FEET AT 20 FPS ON SOME DELL LATPOP FROM 2006 AND WILL STILL OWN UR FUCKING ASS JUST BY MASHING HIS KEYS, ITS LIK EFUCKING PLAYING KATARINA XDXDXDDXDXXD YPE YEP HERES MY GABILLIONIGGERONION DASHES IN 0.00000004S OH DID I MENTION? UR JUNGLER WILL 'GANK' THEM 9 TIMES IN A ROW AND GIVE THEM 9 KILLS IN A ROW FOR FREE XDDXXDDXDXDXDXDXXD I want to fucking see some classic good ass fucking warrior ass champs or some fucking voidussy champions, i want to fucking see some ugly ass bug nigga jump into summoners rift and literally ass rape the fucking lulu support with his monster fucking void cock or his massive warrior cock, SEASON 12 is NOT FUCKING FUN, I cant play my fucking heroin abuse injecting black tar fentanyl mixed with heroin and downed by 9 20mg oxycontins Draven 1 shot 200cs at 20 mintues build because my amazing nautilus support has to fucking do GIGA 6000IQ ROAMS AND GIVE ENEMY TEAM KILLS WHILE APPLYING 0 PRESSURE THIS GAME SUCKS HUGE FUCKING DICK. Riot games breaks their game, they ignore the input and decide to relase cancer champs and 50 more lux skins in 1 month YES PLEASE RIOT GAMES OMG LUXXUSSSYY PUSSY JUICY ASS MAGE DEMACIA PUSSY SKIN WITH ADJUSTABLE MAGIC DAMAGE

From r/Trueoffmychest


I will never live this down. I will always feel guilt for this. It happened 5 years ago, I was 20 and in college. This girl was either 18 or 19. I hadn’t know her too well. She was a sorority girl in attendance at one of my frays functions. I thought she was cute and I was chatting her up the entire night.

When I finally asked her if she wanted to come back to my room, she rejected me. I was immature and my ego was bruised and the rejection made me upset.

At about midnight, I saw her talking to one of my brothers and assumed that she had liked him and not me and it pissed me off even more. Half an hour later she came up to me and said her sisters had all found boys for the night and she didn’t know anyone else and a guy was making her uncomfortable. She was very clearly piss drunk.

She asked me if I would walk her back the mile to her dorm as she didn’t feel safe going alone. I basically told her her safety wasn’t my concern and that she could kick rocks. I went up to my room and went to sleep.

Unbeknownst to me my frat brother was the guy making her uncomfortable. He followed her to her place and forced himself on her. When she reported him and this came to light I of course didn’t believe her. “She’s bitter none of us fucked her, she just wants us in trouble, blah blah blah” and other frat boy shit.

Nothing came of the accusation, she went after one of the wealthiest frats on campus that had tons of support from alumni, including the attackers rich daddy.

I maintained his innocence until about 2 years later, she overdosed by suicide. She left a note and one of the contributing factors was our universities half assed investigation of the attack.

That’s when it hit me. She was telling the truth. Not only that, but that I could’ve stopped if I had swallowed my pride and walked her home.

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Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?? MY FAVORITE WEBSITE, reddit.com, IS DOWN??? DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH KARMA I HAVE?? DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW MANY AWARDS I WAS ABOUT TO RECEIVE? DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I WAS ABOUT TO MESSAGE MY REDDIT GIRLFRIEND? YOU HAVE COST ME EVERYTHING, REDDIT. THIS IS THE FINAL STRAW. IM ABOUT TO GET RACIST ON R/NICEGUYS IF YOU DONT GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. YALL MFS BETTER BE QUAKING RN. YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT NICE GUYS LOSING THEIR TEMPER. HAVE ISSUES WITH YOUR SITE ONE MORE TIME, AND ILL HAVE TO INTERVENE. I. AM. SERIOUS. THIS IS BEYOND FUCKED UP. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, OR ITS OVER.

When I was around 5 or so my sister (who was 9) and I would play this game called Paul Harvey. Basically she would close her eyes and go to this secret world and she would summon Paul Harvey. He would use her body as his own and he was my best friend. She was always mean to me but when she became Paul Harvey she was really nice and I had dumb kid brain so I thought it was all real. One day she went to the other world to get Paul to come out but instead this scary wolf came out. The wolf told me he killed Paul Harvey and he was gonna kill me too. Then she chased me until I cried and told him to bring my sister back. That was the last time she ever did it.

Being horny is bad very bad, but you know what's worst? Two horny
teenagers on a room So yeah it did happened and idk what to do or think,
I'm not sad or happy I just don't know what to feel... I fucked up this
time and I haven't feel horny at all since we got the test xD I did not
cum on her once and I still got her pregnant so please take this as
what you should not do, no matter how horny you are, DONT HAVE SEX
WITHOUT PROTECTION. And yeah if you're wandering sex is cool, now WHAT
DO DO? Should we tell her parents? Should we abort? Should we star a
nuclear war? I'm just a dumbass teenager who watch Minecraft videos 24/7
help ;-;