Alvin from "Alvin and the Chipmunks" is not a chipmunk. This is proven by the name "Alvin and the Chipmunks", as you can see, Alvin is separated from the chipmunks, suggesting that Alvin is an entirely different species, making him an "imposter" amongst the others. Also, in "The Chipettes", Brittney has the strongest resemblance to Alvin, so why is it not called "Brittney and the Chipettes". So all that proves that Alvin is not a chipmunk. Not to mention that Alvin wears red, and I'm not sure about you, but that seems awfully sus to me. In the video game "Among us", the color red is was the birth of the obnoxious catchphrase, "red sus", being that the color red in the game is a stereotype that they are the imposter. While that might be unrelated, keep in mind that Alvin wears red too, and he is also the imposter amongst the other chipmunks. So this proves that Alvin is not a chipmunk, or anything like that. Alvin is just a sussy amogus imposter.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q06qk4

"Pizza porn" is when your significant other or "fuck buddy" and your self have yourself a little pizza party, you both eat more then you should, then take laxatives. you take turns shitting into your significant others mouth and take turns sharing the concoction into each others mouth, while you each wear bird masks, you have to say "the early bird gets the worm" as you throw up your significant others papa johns shit into your mouth, if you fail to say "the early bird gets the worm" or miss the others mouth, your sexual partner has to take a hammer and nail to your scrotum

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q06r0j

1. Eat my shit fuck head, you think that I have a bed time, well I dont, you make it seem like having a bed time is bad ur parents just have bad parenting. secondly you’re clearly hacking and showing a single clip doesn’t prove shit. Now stfu and get a life

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q05nv5

Title :)

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q03f0l

posted on r/confessions

Me (m)I’ve always had a crush on my older second cousins body,her boobs especially they are big like she has a pornstarbody and she has gotten more attractive. When she graduated we got closer and when she had party I congratulated her in her room just to hug and feel her boobs on me and she had big cleavage with her outfit.Ik know she felt my tension Because she was quite and I hugged her again and looked at her boobs before doing it. When she left to college I stayed with her a bit in her dorm with her roommate who was fire and she they would wear shirts braless and I couldn’t stop staring at my cousins big tits and later one day at the pool she and her friend caught me staring and said it then pretended it didn’t happen.After that we have been really close, it’s weird man

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q02b10

Ben Shapiro always keeps a brave face publicly.

He doesn’t want anyone to think he was a repressed alt-right supporter, or a liberal snowflake.

He was a proud Jewish American, with a loving israeli doctor wife.

But after a day of mockery and onslaught on twitter he sat back.

Why didn't anyone believe he and his wife knew how sex worked?

Well, he knew that his lies about having sex with her were exactly that, lies.

Because Ben had a dark secret.

Since his youth, he always masturbated to gay porn.

Hypothetically, that is.

It was hypothetically one of the most arousing things he'd ever watched, a big daddy taking a cute twink.

Just like him.

He'd always fantasized about being that twink.

When he was invited to the white house, he couldn't say no.

Sure, he wasn't the biggest trump supporter, but he went anyway.

His wife, Mor, came with him.

She was a proud Israeli, and supported by her Orthodox parents their family seemed perfect.

He didn't want same sex education in schools, because she had always told him that he would have been a cute lesbian, and he wanted to ignore lesbianism existing in case his wife was one.

It wouldn't be kosher.

He was a twink, damn it woman.

He knew that anuses and vaginas had to work similarly, which is why Vaginas don't get wet.

Because anuses didn't get wet.

And he'd had a lot of anal sex.

So much Anal sex that he could have written a book a la Demetri style about it.

But still, Ben reflected on his circumstances that brought him to be knelt over the desk in the White House Oval Office, with his daddy Donny pegging his ass.

"Now why don't you tell the good american people why I'm the best, little boy? Why don't you tell the good hardworking americans how much you love daddy's big bulbous penis?" Daddy Donny asked.

Another smack on his bum bum.

"Because I'm a naughty little boy, daddy! I want to be pegged, daddy!" He whined, arching his hips. "I'm a naughty little boy who loves your goy cock! Cum in me and send more weapons to israel!"

He begged, wiggling his hips so that he might get his daddy's proud american member.

"Well since you know I'm the best, the strongest president and totally awesome, I suppose you can have it." Daddy Donny said, slipping on his maga hat as he mounted his uke.

They both moaned and thrusted and moaned some more as Donald dominated poor little ben, hitting his prostate over and over with his big and bulbous cock.

Because it is just so, big, and very bulbous, and thick, and pleasurable.

Because he's Donald Trump and the best at sex.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q01uwc

Because he types things like this into google

- ukli bob

- petti bob

- tiny bob

- hug bob

- nekkid gurils

- bihg bobs guril

- petti bihg puci

- secx

- broter bitedy puci

- momy hided boby

- nekid momi

Source: https://old.reddit.com/q00x3n

Just because you are too poor and boring to get a nice and cool truck, put power mods on it like a bigger turbo and build it to be fast, put a lift kit on it for better ground clearance and tires to match, fu€k you. I hate whiny little POS like you that complain and cry because I'm the one that built a machine capable of getting 26mpg on one tune, can switch to another tune and get 600HP and can race with it. I can literally race, work, and play with my built truck. What can you do in your little useless car other than get groceries? What are going to haul? I can haul a loaded trailer, put a booster seat in the back because it's a 4 door crew cab, race a Corvette, go off-roading, and get groceries. All in the ONE vehicle. So stfu you stupid fu€k

Source: https://old.reddit.com/pzp1bm

Why can’t a girl just crush my head in between her thighs and call me daddy it not that hard but she can’t be fat or to skinny or ugly or too hot or have small boobs or a small as I’m not that hard to please when you think about it so please crush me with your thighs with thigh highs on crush my head like a watermelon then shart and belch 🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩🍮😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩😩

Source: https://old.reddit.com/pznkok

i hate Limited and I love it

I think I have a problem. I hate drafting, I LOATHE it so much yet I keep playing thinking my luck will change. I have beautiful Mythic level decks to play. I don't need to punish myself like this but I just keep doing it. I swear after every 0 and 3 "That's IT, I'm done with limited" and then i pay 1500 more gems 5 minutes later.

It doesn't matter how good my deck is. The opponent has an answer for everything every game no matter what I play. My roommate thinks I'm crazy. I sit there yelling "SEE?! IT HAPPENED AGAIN" but he doesn't understand because he's not a degenerate.

I need professional help, I think I'm just addicted to pain. I might be a sadist. After being destroyed by zombie decks all day I actually get a GREAT zombie draft and end up facing counter decks with tappers and removal decks with a bunch of fliers and big blockers.

It's uncanny. It never stops. I want more. I want to be abused by the shuffler. Getting 2 land and no plays on the draw and mulliganing to 1 land is like ecstasy to me. Pump it into my veins.

That one guy during the draft who always has 7 cards and holds up the entire table? YES! MORE PLEASE! The 20 to 30 minutes games where we just stare at each other across the 10 creatures unable to attack because everyone is scared? LIMITED BABY! You with your beautiful curve but no card draw and your opponent comes back and wins because he has beautiful card draw and you just drew 4 straight lands??? Snort that Limited! The joy you feel upon FINALLY getting rid of Wrenn and Seven FOR THE OPPONENT TO PLAY ANOTHER ONE 2 TURNS LATER (yes, this happened this week) Thank you sir may I have another!

Damn you Limited l, why can't I quit you???

Source: https://old.reddit.com/pznc7f

Sorry for my bad English


Before I begin my actual comment, I would like to apologize in advance for my inadequate level of English proficiency. I am not a native speaker of the world's current lingua franca which unfortunately leads to me making numerous embarrassing mistakes being made whenever I attempt to communicate using this language. Whenever I am reminded of how I lack the ability to convey my thoughts in an eloquent manner I feel as though I have committed a cardinal sin, as though every English teacher in the world are simultaneously shaking their heads and sighing due to how utterly disappointed they are at me.


Although I know that saying sorry to those of you who are reading my comment will not change the fact that I fail miserably to write and speak perfect English, I am writing this as a way to deter a certain type of people who cannot stand poor English (Also known informally as "Grammar Nazis") from mocking me by posting unwanted and unnecessary comments detailing my every blunder. In my humble opinion, making grammatical errors should be perfectly acceptable as native speakers should not expect non-native speakers to be able to communicate in their second or third languages eloquently. If you are able to completely understand what the other person wrote, is there really a problem with what they've written? No, because the entire concept of communication is the exchange of information between other intelligent beings, which means that no matter how the exchange of information is made, as long as the information is accurately shared there is not a fundamental issue with their ability to communicate. To see it in another way, remember that someone who isn't fluent in English is fluent in another language. When you think about it this way, isn't it impressive for someone to speak a second language in any capacity? Having empathy and respect are qualities that are sorely missing for far too many people these days, especially on the internet.



That being said, I am aware that not all netizens who correct others are doing it to ridicule and shame. There are some who do so with the intent to help others improve and grow. However, displaying the failures of other people publicly will cause the person who is criticized to feel negative emotions such as shame and sadness due to the fact that their mistake has been made obvious which severely undermines the point they were trying to make in spite of their unfamiliarity with the English language. In most circumstances people are not looking for language help when they post anything online. Most people just want to enjoy themselves and have a good time on the internet which is why I would not encourage correcting other people regardless of your intentions. If you really do want to help others with their spelling or grammar, I would highly recommend you to help via messaging privately because not only will you not embarrass anyone, you can also go more in-depth with your explanation which I'm sure the other person will greatly appreciate if they want help, but I digress. I know that I've written a bit of an essay, but I hope I've made my points clear. Anyways, here is the comment I wanted to make:



Bruh 😳


Source: https://old.reddit.com/pzlwfj

lol. hey yeah I bet you say that to all the guys fresh out of the insane asylum. Welcome to the greatest show on earth, that's right me. So what about me is so interesting you say, I once dated a girl online and then ended up marrying her. Strange and very stupid as that may be. It seems to be the norm now a days. Either that or my friends are all lying to me so that I don't feel so bad and stop crying. Friends....gotta love em. I remember 10 years ago my buddies would say I met this girl online.... and I would be like hold up hotshot. first lets see this girl, and then it was like oh wow, oh my god yeah, that's definitely without a doubt a dude. So what's your love "wild ride" been like? roller coaster, up and down, quiet? Mine has been pretty quiet. Their is one caveat to the covid outbreak though; it has given me two new best friends that I adore. I, myself, and me. That's right I have dated only one person briefly for the past two years. so lucky you if you get me.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/pzlm9o

Damn that dinner at Pizza Ranch was sooooo good! Sure is a bummer that @sussybakaneros could not make it out due to his detrimental leg injury. I pray to see him soon UwU.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/pzk9gu

It was on a weekend, I was 15 years old

I was playing the popular game "Among Us" until my mom called me for dinner. "WHAT DO YOU WANT !!!! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT I AM PLAYING THE POPULAR GAME AMONG US!!!" I screamed. She came to my room and lectured me, she threatened me saying that she was going to call my dad. "BUT CAN'T YOU SEE THAT AMONG US CAME TO EARTH TO SAVE US FROM THE IMPOSTER!!!! ALL OF THE NON-BELIEVERS WILL BE EJECTED OUT OF EXISTANCE!!!!!, GLORY TO THE RED AMONG US CREWMATE!!!!" I shouted. She starts crying and calls my dad. My dad comes to me and says that there's a dissapointment "Among Us" in our family, and it's you. I start screaming : "HOLY SHIT IS THAT A MOTHERFUCKING AMONG US REFERENCE !!!!! RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS RED SUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

My dad pulls out his belt and start beating the shit out of me , I cry as he hits me , I beg for mercy, he keeps beating me until he leaves. I lay down in bed crying after that ferocious ass whooping, It's very cold as I am shaking and crying until I start hearing something... a melody... It feels very familiar....very familiar.... It's the Among Us drip ! I felt something touch me , i turn around, HOLY SHIT !!!!! Its The Red Crewmate From Among Us!!!!! I am amazed. He whispers in my ear: "your asshole seems a little bit sussy" , he puts me on my knees, I am ready, he pulls out his 12 inch cock from his Red Among Us Crewmate Suit and puts it in my ass, It feels like I am going to faint. It's big... so big... and it's inside me... It hurts, It hurts so much, I feel like my asshole is burning, but i want to pleasure The Red Crewmate From Among Us , I push against his force. my eyes start watering as the Red crewmate From Among Us releases his hot steamy cum. My parents enter : "oh my god" they said. The Red Crewmate From Among Us murders my parents."There is no god, only me" he says as he leaves through my window.

He is My Daddy now.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/pzjhc0

In high school, there was a chick we fellas called "Bread Tits" on account of her titties looking like little loaves of bread, split-top and everything. I don't know why they looked like that, too busy bullying and teasing her about her dark brown and crusty bread tits, but I did always wonder. She wore a lot of very low cut shirts, really just letting the sourdoughs breath, so what were we supposed to do, huh? Not talk about the fact, and it was a fact, that she had bread tits? A friend of mine, ya know, not one of the mean guys I liked to hang out with, but still a friend of mine, actually got to know Bread Tits, actually put the moves on Bread Tits, actually got to take a squeeze of Bread Tits's bread tits, and wouldn't ya know it? Those tits squeezed like bread. Crusty, fluffy, warm. He said a little steam escaped through that crust and it smelled delicious. Now, I mean, c'mon, a gentleman never goes into detail no matter how well his boys can hide their boners between classes, but he did mention that they were the tasty titties he ate tried. The next day, Bread Tits comes in and her tits are gone. Now, I don't know if my pal, again, not the best pal because I hung out with the other mean kids, if my pal ate Bread Tits's bread tits, but I think it's reasonable to assume he did. I wonder how she's doing today. Did she bake more tits? Or, I don't know. Maybe she's been titless ever since.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/pzifsi

Lastly, I have actually noticed that you, u/sparksbet, do not have a *Music theorist* role on your profile. Therefore, we should probably safely assume that you do not understand the nature of this user's work well enough as to take part on this debate. Do you have any idea how painful it is to be called "an asshole" after carefully considering all the intricacies in this users's work upon review by a way more experienced composer? Yet you proceed to get into this discussion alongside with zero experience in contrapuntal techniques from what we all can tell and your rather particular sense of creative justice. Really an ultracrepidarian if I had ever seen one. Please mind your tongue if feeling the urge to charge against fair sense of criticism directed towards this person's improvements. Have a great day (:

Source: https://old.reddit.com/pzh9ao

Why do rappers sing about being a gang banger in their song when in reality gang bangs are actually super gay, think about it, its 1 girl with like 13 naked men all jacking off around her waiting their turn. Most the time spent by the guys is gonna be Jacking off next to another naked man and unless your actually fucking the girl chances are you arnt gonna be enjoying yourself.

Also what happens when another dude nuts on the chick and then your dick accidentally touches the nut. Are you really gonna tell yourself that gang banging is straight after getting another dudes nut on your dick? I think not.

Source: https://old.reddit.com/pzf5cc

1. amongus? are you talking about the hit 2018 social deduction game called amungus. Not gonna lie thats VERY sussy. you are such a sussy baka, sussy just like the sussy imposter from amogus? are you venting?venting like the imposter from mungus when i drank the 3 am amungus and became the suspicous deceptor at aproxiamtly 3 in the morning. I tried to crawl aroound the vent but the clap of my ass kept alerting the crewmates to my location. I sabotaged the oxygen but the crew just held thier breath and voted me out but I did the rick and morty 2000iq more and didnt go to the airlock. But then god came down from heaven and clapped my ass cheecks so spectacularly it formed a black hole and sucked me into the nightmare dimension. The nightmare dimension was thousands of hoevering chaos orbs with the color of skin screaming at me. A bit like amungus imposter from 3am i got vored by amungus and it laid an egg taht hatched into amongus²

Source: https://old.reddit.com/pzednc