Ok so i rote this story a while ago but i just thought id share it because it was so good.

Fake taxi story:

As she got into the taxi, she noticed that her driver was Arab with a large scare on his right check. There were no seat belts only ropes hanging from handles in the roof. One of the back windows was broken and glass was on the floor not even attempted to be picked up. There were no door handles on the either side. The taxi driver introduced himself as Jeffery Dahmer. I looked at the man and a shiver ran down my spine. He started driving and as he did the radio played smooth jazz, you know the that makes you cum the second you hear it. Anyway, as Jeffery was driving a dog ran across the road. i shouted " watch out!" but it was to late. the dog turned into a giant 72-foot ballistic missile that exploded over the entire car, almost like the way my Dad on valentine’s day with his new sex doll. I couldn't feel my body, the only thing i could feel ways my erect 2 inch penis as cum collected in my fore skin. As i ejaculated i slowly chocked on Adolf Hitler's 26.5478954337 x Pie to the square root of 6, foot long ghost cock. His balls hug over my eyes as my eye holes cupped his testicals. Then I died, by chocking on Hitlers giant 26.5478954337 x Pie to the square root of 6 ghost cock and erect thinking about my Moms wet vigina.

Listen up cats and kittens, I'm a 23-year-old dude, and my ex-wife, a 22-year-old dame, and I tied the knot when I was just a spry 20-year-old (I know, I know, that's young, but we were diggin' each other's vibe). But things turned sour when she hit 21, man. She started beefin' all the time, and it got even worse when I landed a killer job and started rakin' in the dough. She was hatin' on me, screamin' and hollerin', and then she threw down the ultimate threat - she was gonna cheat on me if I didn't quit my job! I didn't take her seriously, ya dig? I thought she was jivin' until I rolled up to the crib after a long day at work and saw her gettin' it on with my buddy and co-worker, Tyrone. She was yellin' like a crazy cat when I busted in, so I bolted to a motel nearby. But she was blowin' up my phone, man, so I told her I was at a bar, and she said she'd meet me there. So, I went back to the house (which, by the way, I owned and had furnished for her) only to find Tyrone still chillin' there. That jive turkey started jawin' at me, so I threatened to call the fuzz. But he refused to scram, so I hoofed it upstairs with Tyrone hot on my tail. I dashed into my bedroom, and wouldn't you know it, my ex had left her wallet there! I grabbed a mini to patch myself up (only had 25 hp left, man), and then I snatched my gold scar, which was glistening like a diamond in the sun. As soon as Tyrone heard me, he whipped out his ex-caliber rifle and blasted the door. I knew it was about to go up in flames, so I grabbed my shotty and another mini before sliding up to the door. That dude was still reloadin' his rifle, so I nailed him once, and he hit the deck, screamin' like a banshee. But shotguns don't one-shot, ya dig? So, I made him drink the mini to heal up, and he was totally wigged out that I let him live. That's when I put him out of his misery with my scar. He jumped up, started cranking, and I matched him move for move, using my mad editing skills to drop back down. Then, I blasted his building, and he plummeted to his death. I hit the griddy and the floss, man, and then I hightailed it outta there like a bat outta hell!

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OFFICIAL ACCOUNT! ✅


BLM, ACAB

she/her•13 💁♥️ • 2-9-07 💋💞 • Atheist 😈💫 • God's Princess 😇🙏• Twerker 😵🍑 • aquarius ♒• DON'T MESSED WITH ME BITCH 😏✨ • Jake 😍💕

Potatoes are kind like humans. The white potatoes are small but they are good just like white people who are small build but good people. Colored potatoes are big and strong but they are not as good just like colored humans they are big and strong but they go to jail for being bad.🦍🦍🐒🐒🦧🐵🙊🙈🙈🦍🦍🦍🦍🦍🦍🦍🦍🦍🦍

I sincerely want to beat the ever-loving shit out of Shinji from Evangelion. I refuse to watch the show because I hate looking at that stupid cunt. I do not fucking care if he has a great personality or is actually very strong, I just want to kick his face in and piss on his socks. He fucking tucks his oversized shirt into his pants like a high school teacher and his ass is like 3' 7 at best. I know his ass is NOT going to fight back if I punch him, and he'll probably pull some Steven Universe shit and try to talk me out of beating his ass with his words and power of friendship. I do not give a shit what he says, I will rip out each hair out of his umbrella-looking ass haircut. If I ever see him, it's on fucking sight.

WHEN THE WARTS ON MY BALLS START TO BURN AND ITCH I LIKE TO PUT RASPBERRY JELLY ON THEM AND LET THE BEES FLY AROUND MY NUTS. HAVE ANY OF YOU EVER DONE THIS? I FIND NOT IS IT SOOTHING AND RELAXING BUT IT MAKES ME COOL AND FIGHT DIABETES.

Did you know? Liking femboys non-sexually isnt gay,as they look like women,they most of the time act like women,and sometimes even sound like a woman,most straight men,love femboys,sometimes more or sometimes less than a woman,the brain triggers the same reactions that when a straight male sees a woman,and so,if everyone that likes femboys was gay,about 50% of population would be gay,and the men that missdress? The outfit has nothing to do with sexuality,and although i know that being gay is normal,natural and ok,im a straight male.

Hello and welcome to r/copypasta, a place where magic happens.

We have long threads on how to give blowjobs

We have over-sexualized Pokémon

We have muskets for home defense

We have too many people with femboy fetishes

Among us dicks

ASCII art (nobody knows how to do this)

We have the new crispy pretzel chicken fries at Burger King

AITA?

The same template of how someone wants to badly fuck a video game character used over 100 times already

Waltuh

Incels

Hey guys did you know…

Sleepy mods

Cummy (he died I think)

Discord users suspected to be part of an online terrorist organization

Cock ratings

And finally,

We have discord packing.

To all you bitch ass niggas calling me sleepy joe, I’m wide awake nigga and if you keep talking, I’m going to pull out the magic wand and make you sleep forever. My glock got the extendo clip so long, you niggas would think it took a Viagra laced with forbidden spells. I got the eraser cause all you niggas some mistakes. We smoking that evil shadow realm, haunted kush so diabolical that will make your dentures get cavities. Nigga, we got that shit that will turn you into a supervillain. All my ops getting turned into that potion, that dark elixir, that codeine; when I put them in my cauldron. Niggas won’t see it coming when I cast fireball and set their cloak aflame.

This censorship is the reason in the first place why I have never bought even one of those concoctions made by whiny wimps who are most likely younger than me, so live in my world, not I in theirs, and yet try to patronise me and decide what I can and must not watch. Ridiculous. Like kindergarten.
If they don't portray the world they claim to be portraying, but instead whitewash it by pretending that certain obvious aspects like signs and flags never existed, then they can shove their so-called games up where the sun don't shine, and I certainly don't mean London.
That's what I think of force-feeding me with likewise fascistic censorship and hypocritical propaganda versions of games set in such times, and what I conversely think of mods that help correct those false representations again, to not just show the correct weaponry (you know, those tools, that actually kill people, as opposed to the insignia that does no harm) as the developers are always so keen to get them right (Hear ye, hear ye!), but also authentic uniforms with all the appropriate insignia and flags, guidons and so on.
But despite these thankfully available mods, which are always good to have, thanks to the makers (without them I as a German wouldn't spend a dime on IL-2 Sturmovik either, but that's another story), I still don't buy such games in order not to support companies with phoney, authoritarian bootlicker attitudes like this. I decide what I watch, I will not reward someone with money for even trying to patronise me and treating me like a 12 y/o boy.

Let me tell you, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is the greatest show in the universe! The ponies are so adorable, and their adventures in Equestria are totally epic! The show's message about friendship and love is so powerful that it can make even the toughest of individuals shed a tear. If you haven't watched it yet, you're seriously missing out! Join the herd and become a brony/pegasister today! We'll welcome you with open hooves and lots of love and tolerance!

This is the Legal Department of Nintendo Of Japan™ Company. 您的浏览记录和活动引起了我们的注意 YOUR ACTIVITY HAS ATTRACTED OUR ATTENTION. 同志們注意了 you have been found emulating old games!!!!! 這是通知你，你必須認同我們將接管台灣 serious crime 以及世界其他地方 100 nintendo points have been deducted from your account 這對我們未來的所有下屬來說都是重要的機會 stop the emulation immediately 立即加入我們的宣傳活動，提前獲得救贖 do not do this again! 不要再这样做! if you do not hesitate, more nintendo points ( -11115 nintendo points)will be subtracted from your account, resulting into several cease and desist demands. (由人民供应部重新分配 nintendo) you'll also be executed by our Nintendo Ninjas™ at March 10 202X.
如果这还没有改变你，我们将把你驱逐到台湾省，你将被禁止进入中国!!!!

为党争光! Glory to Miyamoto!

The Haroldism religion is one that centers around the worship of Harold, the god of drugs and death. Followers of this religion believe that Harold has existed for over a billion years and is the one true deity that governs over all of creation. To honor Harold, they engage in various activities, including the sacrifice of gingers, the consumption of large amounts of red meat, and the use of drugs such as weed.

The sacrifice of gingers is considered a sacred act that shows devotion to Harold. It is believed that by offering up these individuals, their souls will be released into the afterlife, where they will serve Harold for eternity. The consumption of red meat is seen as a way to connect with Harold's power, as it represents the life force of animals that Harold has claimed.

In addition to these practices, followers of this religion also engage in the use of drugs such as weed. This is seen as a way to enter into a state of communion with Harold and experience his divine presence. Through the use of these substances, they believe that they can achieve spiritual enlightenment and transcendence.

Overall, this religion promotes a lifestyle that is focused on the worship of Harold and the pursuit of pleasure and transcendence through the use of drugs and the sacrifice of gingers. While it may be controversial and even illegal in some societies, followers of this religion see it as a path to true fulfillment and happiness.

AI cannot make art. It can never be art. It literally isn't human. The use of AI to create “art” has about the same artistic value as someone ordering a pizza online. Writing key words and the names of real artists in a text box and having an unfeeling robot spit out an image for you will never make you an artist. It is an algorithmic aggregator of actual art by humans. It is fundamentally theft. Human artists looking at art and incorporating it into their works is not the same as how AI trains on stolen art, because humans aren’t godless abominations like AI. We have to spend actual effort and hard work on learning from other artists, whereas an unliving software can only calculate the patterns it is programmed to observe in a database of a billion images and randomizes the pixels. You cannot look me in the eye and tell me that is in any way comparable to how real human artists learn. If I own a bonsai nursery and employ a hundred tree shapers, tell them all to create a right leaning bend, no limbs inside the bend, from a dragon maple, I will get a hundred different results; and even if they are all legally my trees on paper, each tree had a different artist, and their work is not for me to claim: except in the case of AI you can’t even legally own it, so it’s doubly worthless aside from being a hollow shell of what real art is supposed to look like. This isn’t gatekeeping: art has an accepted dictionary definition, and AI can never fulfill the requirements of that definition. Art is defined as the expression or application of human creative skill and imagination; with AI, you take out the skill, the creativity, and most importantly, the human experience. You’re taking a shortcut to get pretty images that mean nothing and will never mean anything. This isn’t to say that anime character commissions on Twitter aren’t more worthy and valuable than AI images, because they are. All artistic works created by human hands have value at their foundation. AI has no value, because there can be no effort, passion, or meaning behind anything it “creates.” AI images will never be art. You will never be an artist unless you pick up a pencil and draw. People will see the images you generate and they will always know that they aren’t real. You’ll never have any way to prove the validity of your “work,” because it will never be valid to begin with. You will never be a real artist unless you get off your lazy ass and learn how to make real art. Thirty years from now people will appreciate hand-made art infinitely more than whatever soulless tripe a corporate robot can generate. Real art will never die and you cannot kill it. Nothing will ever change this.

Is it because 7 8 9?
\*>!No. 7 never 8 9. Seven doesn't even know nine.!<
>!The truth is, one day, six and seven decided to go camping together. And seven, one-ted, two bring ,three knives, four sur-five-al, but Six knew that Seven secretly h-eight-ed him, and he didn't have be-nine in-ten-tions.\*!<

“F-111 good A-10 ba-“ SHUT THE FUCK UP we don’t FUCKING CARE how much you want to shove your FUCKING DICK inside an ENGINE for FUCKS SAKE man JUST BE NORMAL. “But acthually based on combat record” 🤓🤓🤓 LISTEN HERE YOU FUCKING ARMCHAIR WARLORD, IF there was a POSSIBILITY that you were more qualified than a GOLDFISH AT CHESS I would BELIEVE you to an EXTENT, HOWEVER, it isn’t FUCKING NORMAL to have a LARGE AMOUNT OF AUTISTIC COMBAT INFORMATION stored away in your HYPER FIXATED OSINT ass. YOU live in JEALOUSY of other people who JUST BE NORMAL and ARE NICE PEOPLE to be around, it’s IMPOSSIBLE to have a conversation with you BASEMENT DWELLERS without you bringing up how much you want to be FUCKING EXECUTED BY AN F-35. GET THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PARENTS BASEMENT AND GET A JOB YOU FUCKING LOSER

MY FUCKING MOMMY CUT OFF MY FUCKING NET AND SAID NO MORE TENDIES BECAUSE I TOOK A DUMP ON THE FLOOR DURING HER FUCKING DINNER PARTY THE CUNT SAID IF I DIDNT BEHAVE SHE WOULD CUT ME OFF SHE ACTUALLY WENT THROUGH WITH IT TONIGHT IM GOING TO PERSONALLY PISS JUG THE FUCK OUT OF THIS STUPID CUNT HOPY WOMENS DAY YOU GOD DAMN BITCH FUCKING GOD DAMN WORTHLESS WHORE I FUCKING HATE YOU YOU GOD DAMN ASS FUCKING BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF I DONT GET MY CANES TOMORROW ITS GOING TO BE HELL TO PAY YOU FUCKING LEFT TIT BITCH!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK THAT WHORE CUNT FUCK THAT FUCKING CUNT!!!!!!!!

So last night I was cleaning my closet looking for my Lululemon mat so I could practice yoga and I found a lego knight that I used to play with as a boy. I stared into its sword and juxtaposed that it’s shape was pretty similar to a penis. So I abandoned my quest to find yoga mat and instead I decided I would empathize with women.

I unzipped my pants and measured out some ratios. I learned that the ratio of size from my penis to the lego sword is in fact the exact same as that of the average penis girth to a vagina, so at this point I knew what must be done. I inserted the lego sword into my penis all the way up until the handle and let me tell you it HURT. TERRIBLY, but I loved it. Not in a weird sexual way but I felt a great respect for women knowing this is what they feel every time they have sex.

Holding the piece of polymer inside of my urethra, I ran downstairs sucking up the pain, and I gave my mother a hug and told her how much of a trooper she is for having sex with my father, let alone actually forcing a tiny human outside of her. In great appreciation for my mother I decided I needed to actually experience child birth.

I dug through my legos some more until I found something that was a small ball, I believe it was a ball that one of my lego bionicles used to shoot out of a canon. I measured it up and compared it to my urethra, it was around the same size of a small watermelon in relation to something the size of my fist, I’ve heard that a woman giving birth is akin to a small watermelon coming out of a coin, I knew it wasn’t quite accurate but finding a ball with probably double the values of my current one was not only gonna be hard, but I became ey scared to do it.

I held my breath, duct taped my mouth shut with a towel in my mouth to not scream, and inserted the bionicle ball into my penis, and immediately as the ball got deeper my penis started bleeding and I cried. I don’t know if it was due to the unbelievable pain or the fact that I was acknowledging what my mother went through. In all honesty it was likely both, every micrometer further I got happier but felt even further pain and saw even more blood. At points I could even HEAR my penile tissue tearing.

The second the bionicle ball reached peak depth where I needed to grab a toothpick in order to fit it further in my penis, my vision went black. I still kept pushing until it couldn’t go out further but that’s all I know. I didn’t literally black out, I just don’t remember anything due to how centered in reality I was. I don’t have any sensory thoughts. I don’t know if I was still crying or if my blood was still coming out. I only remember thinking.

I was thinking “I am now basically the toughest human alive.” Few mentally sane people are willing to subject themselves to this amount of pain willingly, even women don’t do it, they do it because they want a baby or want an orgasm. I did it because I am a good person, I want to understand the pain women know.

Slaves or native Americans or whoever else white people fucked up aren’t as tough as me. They got fucked up because they had no other choice.

Rape victims aren’t tough, they’re cowards who bitch and moan about free sex. Like fuck, if someone is trying to have sex with you and you don’t like it just grab their balls and rip it off (doesn’t work on me though, I’m tough enough to take it, we’ve established this)

Soldiers? Most of them don’t even get shot in anywhere near as painfully as me. Plus they get military discounts and the honor of everyone they’ll ever meet telling them thank you. Where’s my fucking discount. I just shoved a fucking lego up my dick not for the safety of the nation, but for my SELF. That’s literally the most selfless thing you can do. There’s is literally less of myself in existence now because I destroyed some of my penis tissue, where’s my fucking trophy.

After that wake up call of how tough I am I did round two. I walked over to my toilet and pissed it out, the dick blood stained my toilet red as well as the porcelain on my toilet seat and the actual bowl itself. It’s sprayed absolutely everywhere, but the worst part was the ball. My bloody pee was not enough to force the ball out. My mutilated penis muscles needed to do the work. I pushed and pushed and it made it out the tip almost like my penis had the worst constipation of all time. I picked the ball from the toilet, took a while to find on account of all the blood, and sat it in my desk as a badge of honor. I then wrote “honorary woman” and put it on my desk, I don’t think any women would mind because I’m basically tougher than all of them.

I even spoke with a few lucky feminists at school and explained why a man is in fact the toughest woman of all.

So after that, I googled the technique and it’s called sounding. Normal people slowly stretch up to larger things, for instance from the lego sword they’d go to a slightly thicker lego piece until their penis is stretched to do what I did safely, but I was enough of a badass to start off with the big guns the instant I thought of them

Not a man on the planet is tougher than me. And realizing this made all the pain worth it, and now every day at 10:00pm I have an alarm set to do this practice and it gives me the exact rush which yoga gives me when I realize I’m so much better than other people because I do yoga.

I'm conducting an experiment on healthy young men with full bladders, pissing directly into the uteruses of pregnant women. And how that affects her potential offspring, this would ideally occour within the first two months of pregnancy for maximum malleability.

These young men would be allowed to use various pregnant womens uteruses of their choice, as urinals for at least 3 times a week.

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