Cum balloon

You and your friends are having a water balloon fight.

Everyone is being splashed with water and having a good time.

You, on the other hand have a more malicious agenda, you stayed

inside relieving yourself whilst filling up 3 balloons to the brim.

You step out on to the patio, strutting triumphantly into battle.

You take aim at your first of 3 victims and fire. Bullseye!

The first one hits Tim's head, drenching him in your sweet sticky love milk.

Keith and Jake look in terror as Tim has been desecrated and you

walk towards them with a sinister grin. Like clockwork, they scatter

predictably, letting you land a hit on each of their heads.

All of them lay on the ground crying, covered head to toe in your hunk spunk.

You won this water balloon fight

People who use Britain as a shining example of the abolition of slavery in comparisons to North America don’t realize that anyone living in Britain prior to 2015 was charged a tax to pay debts to slave owning families to reimburse them for the cost of their “property”. This includes the offspring of former slaves. Also, they didn’t just stop charging people for that from the kindness of their hearts. The government loan for £20 million (£20 billion today, providing each slave owning family with the equivalent of £20 million today) Parliament approved in 1833 (First payment made in 1835) to reimburse slave owners for their “property” was just finally paid in full in 2015. There were never any reparations made to families that endured slavery. Essentially, they figured out a way to “free” the slaves AND make them and their descendants to come pay for it. They weren’t immediately freed either. They were subject to an unpaid apprenticeship for another 6-12 years by law before they were allowed to claim their freedom.

A dog ejaculates 1-30 ml of sperm per cumshot. I couldn't find any specific statistics about Yorkshire Terriers but because it's a small breed with small testicles compared to other breeds I assume the average amount of goo for a normal Terrier to be somewhere between 1-5 ml. I also have to add that the average amount of cum for a human male is 3.7 ml so I'd say that an average of 2.5 for a little hairy barking cumlord is too much. I'd rather go for 0.5-1 ml per ejaculation. A cup is roughly 236 ml.

236/1 = 236 or
236/0.5 = 472

You would have to milk a male Yorkshire Terrier somewhere between 236 and 472 times to have a whole cup of his sperm.

The amount of cum also depends on your dog's health, his diet, his genes, and his physical fitness, is your dog on medication? Does he breathe in the smoke from your cigarettes? How often do you plan to milk him? The more often without breaks, the less sperm will come out. There are many more factors that could influence your Yorkshire Terriers' amount of cum but those are the factors I came across the most.

If you have a total beast of a Yorkshire Terrier with magnum balls and a super dong, you would have to stick with the 2.5 ml per ejaculation, which I thought to be too much. I did find an [article](https://breedingbusiness.com/how-much-sperm-do-dogs-produce/) that says that dogs cum in bursts that can be very large (the last, large burst between 3 and 80 ml) and I thought that 2.5 might just be a good number for a wee little doggie in the end after all.

236/2.5 = 94.4

The amount of cum is hard to determine and there sadly seemed to be a lack of interest to collect further data for sperm amounts of dogs. There is plenty of statistics regarding sperm count, as in the little tadpoles that swim around in the cum, but very few statistics about the volume of the cum as in how much fluid there is.

# **IN CONCLUSION / TLDR**

To fill an American cup with the cum of a male Yorkshire Terrier, the dog would have to be milked somewhere between

**95 and 472 times**

Caught you in 4K UHD surround sound 16 Gigs ram, HDR GEFORCE RTX, TI-80 texas insturments, Triple A duracell battery ultrapower100 Cargador Compatible iPhone 1A 5 W 1400 + Cable 100% 1 Metro Blanco Compatible iPhone 5 5 C 5S 6 SE 6S 7 8 X XR XS XS MAX GoPro hero 1 2 terrabyte xbox series x Dell UltraSharp 49 Curved Monitor – U4919DW Sony HDC-3300R 2/3″ CCD HD Super Motion Color Camera, 1080p Resolution Toshiba EM131A5C-SS Microwave Oven with Smart Sensor, Easy Clean Interior, ECO Mode and Sound On/Off, 1.2 Cu. ft, Stainless Steel HP LaserJet Pro M404n Monochrome Laser Printer with Built-in Ethernet (W1A52A) GE Voluson E10 Ultrasound Machine LG 23 Cu. Ft. Smart Wi-Fi Enabled InstaView Door-in-Door Counter-Depth Refrigerator with Craft Ice Maker GFW850SPNRS GE 28″ Front Load Steam Washer 5.0 Cu. Ft. with SmartDispense, WiFi, OdorBlock and Sanitize and Allergen – Royal Sapphire Kohler K-3589 Cimarron Comfort Height Two-Piece Elongated 1.6 GPF Toilet with AquaPiston Flush Technology., Quick Charge 30W Cargador 3.0 Cargador de Viaje Enchufe Cargador USB Carga Rápida con 3 Puertos carga rápida Adaptador de Corriente para iPhone x 8 7 Xiaomi Pocophone F1 Mix 3 A1 Samsung S10 S9 S8AUKEY Quick Charge 3.0 Cargador de Pared 39W Dual Puerto Cargador Móvil para Samsung Galaxy S8 / S8+/ Note 8, iPhone XS / XS Max / XR, iPad Pro / Air, HTC 10, LG G5 / G6 AUKEY Quick Charge 3.0 Cargador USB 60W 6 Puerto Cargador Móvil para Samsung Galaxy S8 / S8+ / Note 8, LG G5 / G6, Nexus 5X / 6P, HTC 10 Camera Caught you in 8K UHD surround sound 16 Gigs ram, HDR GEFORCE RTX, TI-80 texas insturments, Triple A duracell battery ultrapower100 Cargador Compatible iPhone 1A 5 W 1400 + Cable 100% 1 Metro Blanco Compatible iPhone 5 5 C 5S 6 SE 6S 7 8 X XR XS XS MAX GoPro hero 1 2 terrabyte xbox series x Dell UltraSharp 49 Curved Monitor – U4919DW Sony HDC-3300R 2/3″ CCD HD Super Motion Color Camera, 1080p Resolution Toshiba EM131A5C-SS Microwave Oven with Smart Sensor, Easy Clean Interior, ECO Mode and Sound On/Off, 1.2 Cu. ft, Stainless Steel HP LaserJet Pro M404n Monochrome Laser Printer with Built-in Ethernet (W1A52A) GE Voluson E10 Ultrasound Machine LG 23 Cu. Ft. Smart Wi-Fi Enabled InstaView Door-in-Door Counter-Depth Refrigerator with Craft Ice Maker GFW850SPNRS GE 28″ Front Load Steam Washer 5.0 Cu. Ft. with SmartDispense, WiFi, OdorBlock and Sanitize and Allergen – Royal Sapphire Kohler K-3589 Cimarron Comfort Height Two-Piece Elongated 1.6 GPF Toilet with AquaPiston Flush Technology., Quick Charge 30W Cargador 3.0 Cargador de Viaje Enchufe Cargador USB Carga Rápida con 3 Puertos carga rápida Adaptador de Corriente para iPhone x 8 7 Xiaomi Pocophone F1 Mix 3 A1 Samsung S10 S9 S8AUKEY Quick Charge 3.0 Cargador de Pared 39W Dual Puerto Cargador Móvil para Samsung Galaxy S8 / S8+/ Note 8, iPhone XS / XS Max / XR, iPad Pro / Air, HTC 10, LG G5 / G6 AUKEY Quick Charge 3.0 Cargador USB 60W 6 Puerto Cargador Móvil para Samsung Galaxy S8 / S8+ / Note 8, LG G5 / G6, Nexus 5X / 6P, HTC 10 CameraCaught you in 8K UHD surround sound 16 Gigs ram, HDR GEFORCE RTX, TI-80 texas insturments, Triple A duracell battery ultrapower100 Cargador Compatible iPhone 1A 5 W 1400 + Cable 100% 1 Metro Blanco Compatible iPhone 5 5 C 5S 6 SE 6S 7 8 X XR XS XS MAX GoPro hero 1 2 terrabyte xbox series x Dell UltraSharp 49 Curved Monitor – U4919DW Sony HDC-3300R 2/3″ CCD HD Super Motion Color Camera, 1080p Resolution Toshiba EM131A5C-SS Microwave Oven with Smart Sensor, Easy Clean Interior, ECO Mode and Sound On/Off, 1.2 Cu. ft, Stainless Steel HP LaserJet Pro M404n Monochrome Laser Printer with Built-in Ethernet (W1A52A) GE Voluson E10 Ultrasound Machine LG 23 Cu. Ft. Smart Wi-Fi Enabled InstaView Door-in-Door Counter-Depth Refrigerator with Craft Ice Maker GFW850SPNRS GE 28″ Front Load Steam Washer 5.0 Cu. Ft. with SmartDispense, WiFi, OdorBlock and Sanitize and Allergen – Royal Sapphire Kohler K-3589 Cimarron Comfort Height Two-Piece Elongated 1.6 GPF Toilet with AquaPiston Flush Technology., Quick Charge 30W Cargador 3.0 Cargador de Viaje Enchufe Cargador USB Carga Rápida con 3 Puertos carga rápida Adaptador de Corriente para iPhone x 8 7 Xiaomi Pocophone F1 Mix 3 A1 Samsung S10 S9 S8AUKEY Quick Charge 3.0 Cargador de Pared 39W Dual Puerto Cargador Móvil para Samsung Galaxy S8 / S8+/ Note 8, iPhone XS / XS Max / XR, iPad Pro / Air, HTC 10, LG G5 / G6 AUKEY Quick Charge 3.0 Cargador USB 60W 6 Puerto Cargador Móvil para Samsung Galaxy S8 / S8+ / Note 8, LG G5 / G6, Nexus 5X / 6P, HTC 10 Camera Caught you in 8K UHD surround sound 16 Gigs ram, HDR GEFORCE RTX, TI-80 texas insturments, Triple A duracell battery ultrapower100 Cargador Compatible iPhone 1A 5 W 1400 + Cable 100% 1 Metro Blanco Compatible iPhone 5 5 C 5S 6 SE 6S 7 8 X XR XS XS MAX GoPro hero 1 2 terrabyte xbox series x Dell UltraSharp 49 Curved Monitor – U4919DW Sony HDC-3300R 2/3″ CCD HD Super Motion Color Camera, 1080p Resolution Toshiba EM131A5C-SS Microwave Oven with Smart Sensor, Easy Clean Interior, ECO Mode and Sound On/Off, 1.2 Cu. ft, Stainless Steel HP LaserJet Pro M404n Monochrome Laser Printer with Built-in Ethernet (W1A52A) GE Voluson E10 Ultrasound Machine LG 23 Cu. Ft. Smart Wi-Fi Enabled InstaView Door-in-Door Counter-Depth Refrigerator with Craft Ice Maker GFW850SPNRS GE 28″ Front Load Steam Washer 5.0 Cu. Ft. with SmartDispense, WiFi, OdorBlock and Sanitize and Allergen – Royal Sapphire Kohler K-3589 Cimarron Comfort Height Two-Piece Elongated 1.6 GPF Toilet with AquaPiston Flush Technology., Quick Charge 30W Cargador 3.0 Cargador de Viaje Enchufe Cargador USB Carga Rápida con 3 Puertos carga rápida Adaptador de Corriente para iPhone x 8 7 Xiaomi Pocophone F1 Mix 3 A1 Samsung S10 S9 S8AUKEY Quick Charge 3.0 Cargador de Pared 39W Dual Puerto Cargador Móvil para Samsung Galaxy S8 / S8+/ Note 8, iPhone XS / XS Max / XR, iPad Pro / Air, HTC 10, LG G5 / G6 AUKEY Quick Charge 3.0 Cargador USB 60W 6 Puerto Cargador Móvil para Samsung Galaxy S8 / S8+ / Note 8, LG G5 / G6, Nexus 5X / 6P, HTC 10 Camera

I just wanted to get it off my chest because I'm so fucking upset. My cat is a great guy, and we've been together for about 6 years. He's sweet, and lovable, and he's always been my best friend. I love him more than anything in the world. But I'm fucking done with this relationship. I hate him. He's such a bad boy that he hurts me more than anything. He's a fucking asshole. He's constantly trying to make my life worse, and he's fucking disgusting. I'm so fucking done. I hate that I'm getting divorced from such a wonderful cat. I'll never find another one like him.

Eh? You've never seen a pair of breasts before? And you're HOW old?! J-Jeez! Ahahahah! W-Well, we'd better fix that, then! Just close your eyes for a sec, aaaaaaand...

HERE! BOING!

AHAHAHAHA! You should have seen the look on your face! J-Jeez, anon! Th-Th-They're just sacks of fat on my chest, ya know! Do they really excite you THAT much?! G-Get a look at this, then! See how they bounce up and down! Jiggle jiggle! I-I bet you want to squeeze them too, don't you, Mr. Perverted Virginboy Anon?! G-Go right ahead! Honk these honkin' honkers as much as you want! Take your time! Heck, s-suck on 'em too! I know you really want to\~! Just be careful; my nipples are super hard right now! C-Can't imagine whyyyy...\~!

I-I-I-I-I-I bet you wanna see my vagina too! You pervert! W-W-Well, we're already this far! Might as well! I'm not wearing p-panties anyway!

S-S-S-So, what do you think? ...Well, I guess that ragin' 'rection in your pants answers THAT question! HAHAHAHAHA! Y-Y-You're such a pathetic pervert, anon! I-I-I-I bet it's the first one you've seen since you slid out of your mother's! L-L-Look how wet it is, too! Jeezums fucking Crikes, it's so fucking wet! I-I've never seen it this wet before! Look what you're doing to me, you freaking pervert! Y-You sure know how to make a girl all hot and bothered! Oh, lordy! Christ-on-a-stick! You'd better take some responsibility for this! A-After all, when it's this wet, it's much easier to cram something up there! And I'm leaking like a freaking sieve here! You'd better p-p-p-plug it up RIGHT NOW!

I'm an American high school student in 2020. There are multiple school shootings a day. Every teacher is now armed. Veterans patrol the halls on mobility scooters with built-in miniguns. The Algebra 2 teacher is handing out the quiz, her body armor jostling around. I reach into my backpack to take out my calculator. Her M16 is already trained on me. "DON'T FUCKING MOVE." "I-I need my calculator." "THIS IS A NO CALCULATOR QUIZ." "I-I thought I could use my calculator." "YOU THOUGHT WRONG." Tense pause. She lowers her weapon. A school shooter takes this opportunity to snipe her from the back of the room. Her brains splatter all over my face. A second school shooter in the front wheels around with a shotgun, blasting the first shooter because he doesn't want to share the headlines. The cute girl next to me holds up her ballistics shield half a second too late. I try to run for the door. A veteran mobility scooter flies into the room firing 100 rounds a second into my upper torso. As my carcass joins those of my classmates, I die happy knowing that I'm still freer than Europoors. My family gets charged $10m for medical expenses plus tip.

My soon to be wife had a face of shock and confusion when she gave birth to a black baby, we both were in shock. I immediately got upset, and understandly so. She assured me that she wasn't cheating. She explains what had happened and it's simple, she's 1% Aftican American hence why we had a black baby. I still felt unsure and told her that I was taking a DNA test. She convinced me not to take one cos it's not healthy for our marriage to question her on this and I agreed. I'm blessed with a beautiful family, can't wait to tell Dave (our black mailman) tomorrow.

ok guys so whisk may or may not found my many terabytes of smg4 porn and shes gonna demolish me this ‏‏‎ is my last message

Amber Heard Fanfiction: Big Chungus crossover (self insert) (vore)

I've always been a fan of amber heard, ever since i saw her perform in aquaman. Her slippery suit made me feel like ive never felt before. My happy private place felt happier than it had ever felt, and happy feels swarmed over my body. I couldn't describe it to a normal human.

One day, I was having lunch with big chungus and he was munching on his carrot. The carrot looked delicious. A little too delicious. Eventually chungus began sucking the carrot. The carrot was all the way down his throat. You could say big chungus was deepthroating that carrot, all the way down his chungy esophagus and into his tummy.

I was already happy as fuck at this point. But i couldnt stop thinking of my queen. Queen amber. Her pure blonde european goodness. Her sweet tender loving, her bad ass jawline, her crimson lipstick... truly a woman to behold.

Then i felt her breath on my shoulder... it was amber! She whispered... "this is my swamp" i was so happy! she whispers in my ear "This is my swamp."
she grabs me with her amber hands, and puts me on my hands and knees. I'm ready.
I spread my ass cheeks for amber.
she penetrates my butthole.
It hurts so much, but I do it for amber. I can feel my butt tearing and eyes watering.
I want to please amber.
she roars a mighty roar as she fills my butt with her love.
Big chungus walks in.
Amber looks him straight in the eye and says,
["It's all amber now."](https://genius.com/3230114/4chan-shrek-is-love-shrek-is-life/Its-all-ogre-now)
Amber heard leaves through my window. Big chungus vores me

**400.** That’s an error.

Your client has issued a malformed or illegal request. That’s all we know.

Imagine her just grabbing you by the skull with her vice strength hands and just throwing your naked body onto the bed

"You are my toy now"

She sits on you and plays with your trembling penis

"If this comes before I do, you die" and she laughs

And she plays with it more and more and you desperately hold the coom in and she finds it funny

Then she just sits right on top of you and grinds while looking you right in the eyes mockingly, and your balls are screaming "LET THEM OUT! LET THEM OUT"

And she just laughs as she grinds harder, and harder till she's battering your cock as if it was a piston in a deep underground boring machine and she groans "MORE MORE, MORE" and every fibre of your being wants to erupt in coom but you can't, she isn't satisfied yet and she's hipthrusting away with enough force to break Hephaestus's anvil

Finally she orgasms, and she smiles contentedly

"You may now come" and you just erupt, all that built up energy bursts inside of her and she gently caresses the side of your face with a loving touch, but then

"That was reasonable, but next time, I expect to be overwhelmed" and you're afraid, you're scared, that was all you had and it was barely enough for her, you know, next time, you must be stronger, you must be more manly, perhaps you will become her favourite

And she walks off, vagely amused, and returns to ruling, with her iron hands

Finally my time to shine

I was pretty young, maybe 8, 9, 10 something like that. To young to ejaculate but old enough to get a "funny feeling" in my penis and want to play around with it to no result sometimes.

One night I wandered out of my room and my parents were watching something in the living room. It was in black and white and there seemed to be a bunch of naked people walking around and then the naked people were in a big pile. At that point my parents realized I was there and yelled at me to go back to my room that what was on TV wasn't for kids.

I thought it was some kind of porn, it wasn't the first time I caught them watching something like Cinemax or something I wasn't supposed to see. That image popped up alot during my earlier fruitless weiner rubbing sessions. Naked people in a big pile, yeah.

Many years later I saw the footage and recognized it as parts of it had been burned into my younger mind. Unfortunately it was part of a holocaust documentary and the naked people had been killed and were put into a big naked pile to be dumped into a mass grave.

This is something I didn't tell anyone, ever, and I think I'll have to take this to my grave, but I really need to get this off my chest. I felt really wrong, and dirty after that, and all pussy is just associated with trash in my brain now.

So I have a cousin, who I was really close with all throughout my childhood. She was basically like a wall, protecting me from anything. Whenever I'd go over to her house, her mother would get really drunk, and start telling me about things that really hurt me - my parents divorce, family affairs, just shit that a child did not need to hear.

When she turned 19(I was 13), she wanted to move to the big city, in pursuit of a life away from the small town she lived in.

Me and My mother had just moved to a bigger flat, so my mom decided to let her live with us. The main problem was that the only available room was mine, because my mom had just found a boyfriend.

What I do need to tell you though, for the proceeding to make sense, is that my cousin was always kind of a weirdo. She was really pretty, but she was an absolute shut in, watching lots of anime(in hindsight I guess it was a form of escapism from her alcoholic mother), which led to her being a huge, and I don't want this to sound comical but, shotacon.

When I was 10 or so, if everyone was away, she'd always ask me to bathe with her, or tease me with her boobs, which I assume she picked up from the animes she was watching.

So, I'll carry on with the story - Basically she lived in my room, and I had a bed for one, so we always had to hug, so one of us wouldn't fall over. She was still up to her usual shenanigans, and when she hugged me, she'd always do the funny anime thing where she suffocates you with her breasts.

Obviously, I, being a 13 year old, would enjoy it. But one day, I came quite late, at around 2 AM or so (my mom was fine with that, I was at a friend's house, over for dinner, so she decided to party at her friends house).

When I entered my room, my cousin was just laying on the bed, watching videos.

See, I sleep in just my boxers, everyone in the family knew that, and everyone was fine with that. So I undressed, and layed down on the bed with her.

She asked me if I wanted to watch some anime with her, before we went to sleep. As far as I recall, she turned on Dragon Maid.(The first season, it just came out back then)

We put the laptop on a chair, and laid down in the spoon position, while watching it.

Obviously I, being a 13 year old, would get at least a little horny in some parts of the show. And my cousin accidentally touched my thing with her leg.

She started saying some weird stuff like "You're grown up yet, aren't you?", Well, your regular shotacon shit.

But then she started rubbing her foot on my thing. And after a couple of minutes she asked me "Do you wanna have sex?"

Obviously I agreed on the offer, I was a stupid, horny teen, who didn't realize how fucked up the situation was.

Well, we did it, and it felt nice, but it was definitely the situation that spiraled my mental state into oblivion. The next day, when I woke up, I realised how wrong that was, and I was absolutely engrossed by myself. I couldn't eat food knowing what I'd done for a month, and I could barely drink. I couldn't look her in the eyes, and I'm pretty sure she couldn't either. Ever since then, I was just always engrossed by the idea of sex. I saw every pussy as a dumpster, as something I don't wanna be near. And to this day I feel as if it's just gross, and I feel as if I'm gross, and like my body is defective.

A month after that she went back to her hometown, I'm assuming she also realised how fucked that was.

Ever since then, every time one of our relatives would turn on facetime, and show the other one, we'd just awkwardly say "Hi" and get out of the conversation as fast as possible.

The whatsapp family group conversations between us have also shortened to just "cool" "nice" "alright", when we used to be inseparable.

I'd pay anything, literally anything if I could fix that one mistake. It's been 5 years, and I really wanna talk it over with her. She got married a year ago, and I am happy for her, yet I can't look her husband in the eye, although he's such a nice fella.

I'll be going to her hometown in a month, because dentists are way cheaper there, but there's not a place to crash, so she allowed me to crash at her house. Wish me luck.

TL;DR - When I was 13, my cousin(19) stayed at our house for a couple of months. We fucked, and ever since then our relationship, and my mental state has been destroyed. It's been 5 years, and I'll be going over to her house soon, so I really wanna talk this over.

I might update yall, I might not. If I don't, it probably didn't go as well as I thought it would. Sorry for the wall of text

​

from r/confessions, of course.

You have heard about God accepting everyone into heaven, yes? And you also have heard about the stairway to heaven, correct? Well, how in the hell are wheelchair-bound people supposed to go up the stairs!? Or people with one or no legs? HUH?!? Why can’t God install an escalator or an elevator? Why does Satan allow more people into hell? Why does Satan have a highway to hell, giving people the option to walk, drive, use a bicycle, or if it is tilted enough, slide down the highway? Why does God have to be such a jerk while Satan ACTUALLY accepts everyone!?

The best zombies map of all time Kino Der Toten Black Ops 1, to me its as good as it gets. It was supposed to be in World At War, but it was cut due to time constraints. Thankfully Treyarch was able to finish it up, polish it up and release it with Black Ops. Because it was good, really good. So many iconic weapons the layout was perfect blend simple and complex and the enemies were unique and fun to fight plus Kino had the some of the best music in any COD Zombies map ever which made it even more addicting and to grind over and over. Call me old school but i think Kino is the absolute best zombies map ever released and I can play it over a million times without ever getting bored. There you have it my friends a trip to 50 to 1 i know were not gonna all agree, let me know what you think, ill see you soon.

Honestly dude I think Bezos is gay. That’s probably also why his wife left him despite him being so rich. She thought she could take a chunk of his money and find a man who isn’t gay. That’s a win-win.
Legit watch any Amazon Prime show and you’ll absofuckinglutely see dicks and male butts. And not even just silhouettes. Literal, sometimes flaccid, sometimes erect, in-the-mothereffing face- penises! I’m sure Bezos jerks it to hundreds of hours of raw footage. On the other hand, there is hardly ever any female nudity. All the tits and female butts artfully covered under darkness or handbras or simply stupid camera angles. What if the reason Bezos is earning so much money is to create a gay beam and make everyone else gay as well all because his wife left him?! And we have all been buying things off Amazon and funding the monster that will one day turn us gay! Makes me wonder if we want to turn gay. Stop funding amazon! Use flipkart!

2 years ago when i was 20 years old, i had fallen into a very long and horrible depression episode where many things in my life were falling apart. I would lay down on bed for days and hardly crawl to use the bathroom. I lost so much weight, my sleeping schedule was fucked and i wouldn't even be on my phone cuz it will be dead and id be too tired to plug it in so id just stay in bed for 2-3 days then plug it in and use it to watch youtube vids till it runs out again. this has lasted for 2 whole months, and i've been through depression episodes before but this was absolutely the worse.

during all of this, trash cluttered in my room and there was a dead cockroach laying down on the floor besides my bed, i'd stare at it for hours when my phone is dead, i would just look at it and think about how much it resembled me, in so many ways. It's dead there, no one is looking for it, it was gross looking, it wasn't needed or wanted, it was useless, exactly like me. sometimes i'd look at it and cry, other times i'd look at it and get so angry, and other times and just laugh at how strongly this cockroach resembled me.

One day after my phone charged up, i opened it to see something that triggered the shit out of me, it was a video of all my friends hanging out together, and as pathetic as that sounds, it just ruined me. I cried so loudly and kept pacing my room not knowing what to do with myself. i panicked, didn't breathe, hit myself, i just didn't know what to do with such emotions and the only thought in my head was "i will do it i will end my life, i will fucking do it i wanna die". I ended up falling to the floor so dramatically right besides the dead cockroach and i stared at it. idk what it was, that caused the cockroach to fucking get up and walk away. I WAS SO CONFUSED I STARTED LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE CRYING MY SOUL OUT .. it was sad and funny also shocking just seeing my friend cockroach suddenly walking away when i thought it was dead, maybe cuz i got so close to it, it freaked out and walked away but that also made me think, if it was alive why was it there this whole time.

i laughed too much i thought i was about to pee myself so i go to the toilet, then i go to stock up on water, i look at the fridge and think "hey, i haven't eaten meat in a long time" i order some, then cook it. i think "hey, i need to watch something while eating this meat", so i open up a movie. i watch it, i like it so much that it inspires me to paint. I paint, my arms feel weak and i google up exercises for arms. I start taking walks and listening to music. i cleaned up my room and started reading again.

idk it was just something about that cockroach, that made me think of how horrible i was for assuming it was dead and that there was not much of a future for it, but it simply got up, and i did the same. this makes me remember what my mother told me, is that when i was first born the first words that were ever said to me "she looks like a moldy cockroach" - my asshole brother -

and also my love for cockroaches, i remember making a presentation about them when i was in middle school when we were asked to make presentations about an animal we think is unique. I also remembered how me holding on to cockroaches in school drove my bullies away, where i would throw dead cockroaches i find at them if they every tried to bully me in any shape or form. and it also reminded me about how i bonded with my first love ever, in the school's stalls when her and i reached to hold the dead cockroach at the same second to go scare some annoying girls.

i don't think i mind being resembled as a cockroach anymore. id take that proudly.

You should explain what you mean by "gayest and straightest thing." I am tired of people who will say confusing things on the internet and then not give an explaination. If you have the time to make a comment, at least take a few extra seconds to explain what you mean so that way people aren't confused and have to guess for themselves. The purpose of a Reddit comment is to get your message across to others and when you post a confusing comment, others are confused and they won't understand a single thing you say. Other people are reading your comment as well and that you should make them understand what your saying. This isn't a personal safe where you keep all of your thoughts to yourself. Please explain what you meant by your comment. Thanks.

i had a goldfish before, my family rested his bowl in the hallway. it was a pretty attractive fish too. I just couldn't stop thinking about their wet guppy lips tickling my cock. Seriously; i would sit in bed at night restless, jerking off at the thought of the orgasms i would get from squishing it into the tip of my cock, what we call the urethra. It got so bad that one day i got a huge boner while i was eating dinner with my family, it really hurt because of the skinny jeans i had. I tried pressing my legs together but i got carried away, started rubbing my cock between my thighs. It felt so good. I wanted to go faster but then my shitty whore of a sister asked me what's wrong. Everyone was staring at me so i just cleared my throat and excused myself; i walked out the dinning room, and as soon as i turned that corner i began sprinting. I ran to that fishbowl, grabbed the goldfish, and got to my room immediately. Closed the door and started licking and sucking on goldie's face. I slurped him into my mouth and swished him around. Spat him out and undid my jeans. I then laid down with my erect penis and pushed him in the tip. My mom walked in and screamed in horror, i started panicking and came everywhere; most of it landed on my mom's face, even goldie. I thought she'd be mad but she just peeled off the sticky fish covered in my jizz, lick it all off, and winked at me before she left the room.