This Friday I will be taking adderall, and smoking weed and masturbate with my flesh light.

I have a large collection of foot fetish porn and will be using three to four large displays to make it big as fuck.

Being on adderall makes you last for 7+ hours in my past experiences.

I will be buying four large lube bottles and microwave the lube so that it’s really warm inside the flesh light.

I like to use a pillow and pinch the edges so that they rub against my ballsack while I thrust into the flesh light.

Besides this weird obsession that I indulge in 1-2 times a year, I’m actually a normal person. Have a full time job in medicine, a wife, and we are really well liked in our neighborhood. It’s just this obsession that I have.

I am ready for the freak comments.

HOLY SHIT YOU ARE SO ANNOYING, I want to clobber you with a boulder until you become a pile of red pulp like goddammit it's a blessing for the 99.99% of the world's population that they have never talked to or even knew about you and you and your parents know deep down that your parents should've aborted you or just never conceive to create a waste of DNA like you are not worth the 215 million gigabytes of information in DNA to create a bleeding anus like you, at least you serve as a great inspiration for people who practice sperm retention in hopes they won't create another glitch in the matrix like you, society doesn't a fattass like you that sits on a chair all day and takes a political compass test everyday, I swear your entire routine everyday is to fap to 13 year old lolies in the morning and then go ruin someone else's life by accusing them of being a pedophile in the evening, go back to moderate r/atheism and tip your fedora there, either way my point is that you are such an insufferable piece of shit that I needed to write this in the first place so why don't go do everyone and yourself a favour and anchor yourself in the challenger deep so that at least you will hold the record for the deepest corpse found in the ocean and that will have more of an effect on this planet than you ever did yourself you son of a bitch nobody loves you, and nobody ever did or will.

I would literally do everything to him… I want to jerk him off in a mcdonalds bathroom. I want to eat his cum up until he’s dry for days😫I want to ride it for hours and hours so he’s physically exhausted, kiss those gorgeousss lips , make him feel all small and below me, force him to know that I’m his superior😖😖 I want to love him, too,, I want to stroke his hair and sit him on my lap and tell him what a good boy he’s being :/ I want to devote all my time 24/7 to just utterly loving him , stroking him , blowing him …. I want to see him on his back stretching his lanky long legs,, moaning for ME,, neck absolutely covered in kisses ,, make him go to work with the knowledge that when he comes home i’ll be there to fuck the living daylights outta him, OH GOD😫

How 343 ruined my mom's life😱😱😱😱(real)

It was a dark and gritty morning. My mom and I were home, and my siblings (I'm fatherless I have no father😱😱😱😱) were at an anti-343 protest (I wish I couldve gone with them, but I was too busy ranting on Reddit). My mom wanted to show me her favorite show that she would watch as a child. It was interesting but I noticed something; it was a light and happy show about a band of sisters. I said, "Mom, where is the dark and gritty aspect of this show?, Where are the ODST'S?" She said "There are no ODST'S." My face was green(like this🤢). She said "That reminds me, I got a job at 343! You can't tell your siblings though, they will hate me!" I fell to my knees, I started vomiting all over the floor, I started pooping and weeping. She said "But my dark and gritty son, I thought you loved Halo?" I screamed at her "IM A HALO FAN, I HATE HALO, I ONLY LOVE THE I C O N I C BUNGO CHUNGO 🤬🤬🤬🤬😡😡😡😡😡(Halo 2 Bungie Cortana feet🤤🤤🤤😈😈😈)!!!" I jumped at her, I used my Marty-Rifle and I killed her (because she was the ultimate 343 SHILL).
My siblings walked in, I told them what happened. We celebrated with the I C O N I C HALO 2 SOUNDTRACK!!! It was beautiful!

TL;DR: My mom was the ultimate U N I C O N I C shill🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

one day i went to twitter and said dream sucks. But then dream stans started to send me death threats. I didnt care becouse i know that dream stans are scared of going outside and wont come to my house. But then when i was jerking off. I heard dream stans outside singing the fatherless song dr\*am ma\*sk. I saw the dream stans and locked my door, but then edp445 destroyed my door. Then Obama came and showed grass to dream stans. Then the dream stans and edp445 turned into cum.And then i went back to jerking off to hentai.

Few years back had an allergic reaction to something I ate. Hives everywhere when I got home from work which would go with the increased water intake and itchy webs of fingers.

Popped bennys through the rest of the day/weekend.

3 days later I got stung by a bee and in the micro second that I brushed the bee stinger away I managed to start having all the same reactions from food allergy. Save for one difference.

This time the most pronounced itching was centered around the back door. I had never in my life been more mentally aware of my balloon knot. All I could think of was itching it...

I was itching everywhere but my butthole was a quivering mess of trying to shout at the top of it's lungs bowels, "do not ignore me!" All from a bee sting that ever so slightly brushed the side of my rib cage.

I quickly headed for the shower leaving behind a trail of clothes. I turned the shower on and assumed a sting bug position with the water aimed right at my sphincter. I washed my hands with soap and proceeded to dig at my anus like one of those desert Meercat things digging in the sand looking for a grub. Every so often there would be some relief at which point I would wash my hands more then stand up and itch the other parts of my body. But the itch would return. Truly a pain in the ass.

After about 10 minutes of this I rinsed off, popped a benny, then went back to the shower to gulp water from the shower head during any brief rest from my attempts at recreating an alien probe scene.


Honestly... i wish I still had my girlfriend around. I have never had my back door messed with by a gurlfriend or considered having my salad tossed. But it would be a fond memory for me, given where she and I stand now, if my agony during that period of fighting an allergic reaction could have been turned into guilting the girlfriend to apply aloevera in a clock wise circular manner while I lay on my back in a diaper change position... something equally humiliating as well as hilarious for me to hold onto til the day I die.

Short answer: no

Long answer: Still no, nope. I have to say this, sorry to be the one to bring it, yeah, no. It is not. Alright, we got this settled? No? Wanna fight? No? Ok. Well good to see that you joined the side of no as indeed no it is not. Nice good to know that no, nope, not even close.

And them bitches be flappin their wings tryna make themselves look massive, like bitch tf u gon do? Honk honk at me? bite by pants? Get tf outta here you oversized lake pigeon. Imma choke all you fuckers out faster then them plastic beer can rings wrapped around them turtles’ necks🗿🗿🗿

First off, I strongly recommend following my account because otherwise, you might miss out on the high-quality intellectually enlightened thought-provoking content that I bring to this godforsaken website. I graduated from Harvard in 2014 and I have an IQ of 138 (on the Stanford-Binet scale).

Feel free to leave a comment, but beware; not only will your comment likely be removed for your lack of Redditorial prowess, per se, but you will also be thoroughly down-voted and reported. I will go through your account and down-vote everything you have posted or commented, causing your content to sink to the bottom of the black sea of irrelevance. I don't think that will be quite enough to teach you to respect others, but it will be very intense, for you.

You will only be humiliating yourself for trying (and failing) to debate me. But of course you will, that's all you Redditors ever do, be another faceless pawn in the checkers game that is life. Guess what’s going to come of this? Nothing. All you do is complain on this website. A bunch of whiners who have such fragile enough egos that another's intelligence threatens you. I suppose the insubstantial always need a target to release their frustrations.

So all it comes down to is the frailty of your ego and discrimination against me. I hope it at least makes you happy... although I doubt it will, because from experience your bunch will find a reason to complain about absolutely anything. Try to gaslight me; I'm ready.

Regards,

I SUCK HIS DICK
with a smile
for hours at a time
stare at his nutsack
while I hold back my cum
TONIGHT
and when he ask me what position i says doggy style
(AND WHEN THEY ASK ME WHAT POSITION I SAY DOGGY STYLE)
but the fact is
i can never get off of his fat dick
And all that they can ask is
"I just wanna smack it"
(I just wanna smack it)
Here's what the fact is
He can put my asshole in a casket
yuhyuhyuh
asshole in a casket
so you can see im cummin
but you wont see me nuttin
ill just keep suckin, im good(yeah im good)
and if he sucks my glizzy
i will become dizzy
But it keeps us busy
Im good
(yeah im good)
i've been twerking for boys
ive been flirting with boys for so long
my jaw's been hurting for so
so long its real
so long
its real
so long its real
always bein judged by a bunch of sexy faces
stickin up the guys
havent seen a girl in ages
but ive been places kissing guy's faces, kissing guy's faces
But the fact is
kissing guys is all that i've practiced
suckin glizzies while im on my mattress
i just really wish that i could smack it
(i just wanna smack it)
here's what the fact is
He can put my asshole in a casket
yuhyuhyuh
asshole in a casket
so you can see im cummin
but you wont see me nuttin
ill just keep on sucking
Im good(yeah im good)
and if he sucks my glizzy i will become dizzy
but it keeps us busy, im good (yeah im good)
i've been twerking for boys for so long
ive been flirting with boys for so long
my jaw's been hurting for so, so
so long it's real
so long its real
so long its real

Slowly massage the vag, then rub the clitoris ever so gently. proceed to stick a single finger in the vagina. continue adding your fingers until your whole fist is in. Slide your arm slowly into her, once you reach your shoulder, limbo in with your head and forcibly insert your other arm, torso, and legs. You are now free to control her. When you feel the job is done, finish by giving birth to yourself.

I was wondering if you could make my sonic oc

Her name is esmerelda she's a brown hedgehog

I was wondering if you could draw her starting on a pie while stroking her own big dick (10 inches)

Sharting* it must have this it's very important

Tarnished, a word. I heard you conspired with Ranni the Witch.

I understand. The need for puppet gush is strong. Do you think I've not felt it? In my quest to be all knowing, I too have known the draw to the blue cunny. With 'er four arms, think of all the things that she could do to it- your tarnished tackle.

And then imagine ten more.

Just tell me this: When she was miniature and in your grasp, did ye... stick 'er in a jar? And did ye fill that jar with your tarnished seed? I'd do the same if given the chance.

Be on your way then. To the capital.

cope + don’t care + didn’t ask + cry about it + stay mad + get real + L + mald seethe cope harder + h0es mad + basic + skill issue + ratio + you fell off + the audacity + triggered + any askers + redpilled + get a life + ok and? + cringe + touch grass + donowalled + not based + your’re probably white + not funny didn’t laugh + you’re* + grammar issue + go outside + get good + reported + ad hominem + GG! + ur momdon’t care + didn’t ask + cry about it + stay mad + get real + L + mald seethe cope harder + hoes mad + basic + skill issue + ratio + you fell off + the audacity + triggered + any askers + redpilled + get a life + ok and? + cringe + touch grass + donowalled + not based + your’re a full time discordian + not funny didn’t laugh + you’re* + grammar issue + go outside + get good + your gay + reported + ad hominem + GG! + ur mom + unknown + random + biased + racially motivated + kys + ur unfunny +ratio don’t care + didn’t ask + cry about it

So yeah, the majority of you were right, they were having sex (I did think it sounded like it). They ate some hummus first, then put it away (didn't do anything at the same time like some of you freaks suggested) and then had sex. My son's boyfriend (I think they're boyfriends) saw the post and couldn't stop laughing, so told my son (thinking it could be about them) who told me because I think he felt a bit guilty about hiding it.

Other than that, nothing really exciting happened. We had a long awkward talk, I told him I don't really endorse him having sex but he should really use a condom etc.

Now onto the more important thing, hummus. I really like hummus now, I'd never had it before because it just looked kinda disgusting (yellow and sludgy) but I have learnt appearances can be deceiving. It was homemade so I'm going to have to ask for the recipe so I can make some more (I've finished all of it) Also what are some other good things to dip in it? I've tried the obvious things (carrot, cucumber, breads) and any suggestions would be appreciated. A lot of people have recommended Baba Ganoush as well? Is that similar or better than Hummus?

TLDR: My son is actually gay, but also I really like hummus

Why do people always say not my proudest fap when refering to really wierd or bad porn? What's supposed to be your proudest fap then? When you came in 5 minutes from some vanilla porn? If you manage to get yourself off to some giantess pegging interacial porn you should be way more proud than if you only cum to a man and a woman having boring regular sex. It takes commitment, time and effort to get off to incest fishnet stockings vore porn. When you cum it feels like a real achievement, something to be proud of, but if you just cum to what everyone else is already watching then there's nothing to be proud of. You've done the bare minimum. Masturbating to furry reverse birth scat porn takes true effort just to stay hard. It trains your mental fortitude and teaches you to push on against all odds and when you finally orgasm it feels like you earned it. Now that's something to be proud of.

Oh my fucking god yes! I NEEED to be her! A pair of sweaty, musky balls hugging my head and filling up with cum! I'd suck and rub them all over me, do a pole dance on his cock, dry hup his balls, massage and slobber all over every inch of his cock and balls until the moment where a torrent of fuck batter comes out and douses me with sticky, rich delicious cum! Getting in my hair, in my throat, in my ass! I would give anything to be this lucky slut!

my nigga shut the fuck up you tried shooting up a school with a paintball gun and painted a mural you fatass bitch you ugly as hell my nigga dirty as hell bitch you ran out of toilet paper when taking a shit and wiped yo ass with a shower curtain crusty ass nigga you bout dirty as fuck my nigga tell me why yo momma use a hula hoop as a belt bitch ass boy nigga i know you aint talkin when you got baptized in a fishbowl at petco my stupid ass crusty ass nigga you threw a seagull at a brick wall and thought you was playin angry birds you dumb as hell my nigga i know you aint talkin when i threw a soy sauce packet at yo granny and she fainted dumbass nigga tell me why yo hairline got an nba backcourt violation my nigga you bout nasty as fuck bitch you was trapped in your own bathroom for three days and they found yo footprints on the ceiling my nigga tell me why you thought the buffalo bills was a resturant crusty ass stupid ass nigga i know you aint talkin when yo best friend is a fortnite skin my nigga tell me why you tried to check out of walmart with a library card stupid ass nigga you got 19 piece treaties with the rats in yo bedroom you crusty ass bitch you bout ugly as shit my nigga whenever you take a shit and flush it yo entire family does a touchdown dance downstairs broke ass nigga tell me why you got caught having a staring contest with yoself in the bathroom my nigga you dumb as hell bitch tell me why yo grandpa lost a 7 hour staring contest to a parking space my nigga you bout nasty as fuck bitch yo granny got a speeding ticket for brushing her teeth too fast dirty ass nigga yo eyebrows look like hairy boomerangs crusty ass ugly ass nigga you bout dirty as hell my nigga you better shut yo "IM READY! IM READY!" lookin ass up nigga you look just like spongebob boutta flip a patty on yo momma's flat ass my nigga yo granny's titties look like launchpads ugly ass nigga tell me why you was using a toilet paper roll as a fleshlight my nigga you bout crusty as fuck bitch ass boy yo head built like a petco fishbowl my nigga you ugly as fuck nigga you dirty as fuck i know you aint talkin when you started doin a fortnite dance after you complete your test bitch ass boy then you get suspended for lickin the principal ugly ass nigga you bout dirty as HELLLL my nigga there's a mile between each of yo eyes ugly ass nigga you look like a dolphin you bout dirty as fuck nigga yo eyebrows 43 football fields apart my nigga you bout nasty as fuck nigga tell me why yo back built like a bent paperclip bitch ass boy you built like a genderbent bling bling boy you bout nasty as fuck you got the monopoly money, the plastic chains, my nigga you look like you'd get lost at a hot dog stand you bout retarded as fuck my nigga i know you aint talkin when you look like eminem's down syndrome havin distant cousin who boutta rap 7 mile dumbass bitchass crusty ass nigga you can't even bend down to touch yo toes fatass nigga you so inbred you look like a fuckin blueberry my nigga shut yo crusty ass up bitch you dirty as fuck bitch my nigga looks like bugs bunny and patrick had a threesome with spongebob you bout nasty as fuck nigga you got the squarest jawline I ever seen nigga you look like minecraft steve my nigga yo forehead so big i could climb up it and use it as a diving board you ugly ass fatass nigga you skipped class and snuck into the bathroom to play agar.io ugly ass nigga tell me why you got lost at a hotdog stand with yo grandpa bitch ass boy tell me why whenever you take a selfie you look at the home button on yo cracked iphone 4 broke ass nigga lookin like ur goin to patrol in general chat tonight my nigga you bout dirty as FUUUUCK bitch you look like you came straight out of a five and below barber my nigga you lookin like greg heffley with those two strands of hair comin out yo head bitch ass boy you look like you'd show me your train tracks nigga "wanna shee my train tracksh?" lookin ass nigga tell me why you drive a hotwheels with yo squidward built ass while lickin the flavored condom you bought thinking it was a loli-pop you ugly ass crusty ass broke ass nigga i know you aint talkin when you went to a drug store just to buy tic tacs my nigga, hushmode.

Sponsored by the free software foundation

## What are free baginas?

“Free vaginas” are vaginas that respect the users' freedom and community. Roughly, it means that the users have the freedom to stimulate, copy, distribute, study, change, and improve the vagina.

Thus, “free vaginas” is a matter of liberty, not price. To understand the concept, you should think of “free” as in “free speech,” not as in “free beer.” We sometimes call it “libre vaginas,” borrowing the French or Spanish word for “free” as in freedom, to show we do not mean the vagina is gratis.

## Why are proprietary vaginas evil?

Proprietary vaginas, also called nonfree vaginas, means vaginas that don't respect users' freedom and community. A proprietary vagina puts its developer in a position of power over its users. This power is in itself an injustice.

Power corrupts; the proprietary vagina's developer is tempted to design the vagina to mistreat its users. (Vaginas whose functioning mistreats the user are called fungi.) Of course, the developer usually does not do this out of malice, but rather to profit more at the users' expense. That does not make it any less nasty or more legitimate.

Yielding to that temptation has become ever more frequent; nowadays it is standard practice. Modern proprietary vaginas is typically a way to be had.

Personally, I don't see what's so important about a bridge. I mean, come on. First one guy makes a bridge. And everybody uses it, they're like, "Ooh, look, a bridge. That's new." So, like, these other two guys make another bridge. And it's kinda like the first one, but people use it anyway because the first guy is like "Oh, their bridge is pretty cool too, check it out." And then these three other guys are like, "Oh, we're going to make the best bridge ever, we're going to combine our talents and be like, 'Oh, look at our bridge, it's totally amazing, ooh.'" and it's like, it turns out really good, and it's the best out of all the other bridges. Everybody subscribes to it-err Everybody crosses it. Because it's a bridge. Yeah. 

And before you know it everybody and their mother is making a bridge! So there's a bridge. Everywhere... Nobody even knows why they're making a bridge anymore. They just want people to cross it. They don't care where they're going. The first guy is like, "I'm going to go to conventions to promote my bridge!" It's like, it's just a bridge. It's not a big deal. Get over it.